


Music of My Soul

by readstoescape



Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: Angst and Humor, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Rebellion, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:33:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 245,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4563039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/readstoescape/pseuds/readstoescape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU Story. Ran is a music producer for Krittiker Label. Yohji is lead singer in an upcoming band.<br/>Some OOC (mostly from Schwartz.)<br/>Friendships develop and romance blossoms.<br/>Angst (hard to have Ran/Yohji without it) and some fluff too.<br/>It IS a romance after all.<br/>Yaoi (really, lots) But with-gasp!-plot. <br/>YohjixRan with SchuxBrad & others <br/>(transferred over fr my ff.net account)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I don’t own Yohji, Ran, Ken, Omi or any part of WEISS KREUZ. I write fan fiction for fun. It’s my stress relief. =)

If you don't like it, that's fine, read something else, it doesn't bother me. If you feel compelled to post a negative review, go for it. I will likely ignore it, but hey- it made you feel better. If you do enjoy it that's wonderful! If you want to leave a review, feel free, if not, don't worry about it. I will try to respond if you do review, but no promises. Again, stress relief, just for fun.

**Now, on with the story:**

This story focuses on Yohji and Ran (I prefer him to be called Aya, but for this AU story Aya the sister is a character and Aya/Abyssinian is not, so Ran he must be.)

**MUSIC OF MY SOUL**

**CHAPTER 1**

Ran watched the entrance of the club from the obscurity of the limo, brooding. He could do this. He _could_ do this. He wanted to do this…. Mostly. He worked incessantly. At twenty one years old, his whole life lately was work, apart from the time spent with Aya. Surely he deserved this….this chance...didn't he? He'd visited with Aya earlier today, spending the morning with her. He'd wrapped up any outstanding emails for work this afternoon, despite it being his supposed day off. Tonight was his.

Ran took a deep breath, steeled himself, and exited the white Lincoln, ignoring the oppressive humidity of the New York summer night. He'd known WEISS would be playing at the club aptly named Indulgence tonight. Known the blonde would be here. The lead singer and band leader, Yohji Kudoh. They'd performed well at the last contract competition. It really was too bad Krittiker had signed Mercury to the contract instead, over Ran's protests. The other two members of the contract judge committee had chosen Mercury, and that was it. Although, really, perhaps it was for the best. Had Krittiker signed WEISS there would be no chance of this happening. Whatever this turned out to be.

Ran sighed as he was ushered through the VIP entrance. His distinctive pale, almost alabaster coloring, and deep, dark red hair, paired with his intense violet eyes, often tended to attract too much attention. He stood out, causing him to be quickly recognized as the face of Krittiker Music. Particularly at musical events, Ran was unable to relax or interact. To just mingle without being semi-mobbed by hopefuls or rabid fans pushing for a shot, a demo, just a chance. Well, he wasn't here as Krittiker tonight, just RAN. He was grateful for the concealment the VIP entrance and bouncers provided.

Again Ran considered the previous month's competition. WEISS was good, very good. But he had to be pleased they had not signed with Krittiker Music. If Krittiker _had_ signed with WEISS, he couldn't very well pursue this …. this …. _attraction_ (there, he'd admitted it – attraction. There was just something about the blonde...). The impropriety would be too much. The assumptions that would follow,... the inevitable questions, the innuendo, a possible sense of obligation… It would surely get in the way. No, this was better. WEISS was good, their music memorable. They would surely garner attention from another label soon. Thus, Ran was free to consider, to indulge, to hope. Another sigh as he entered the VIP lounge, pouring himself a glass of red wine and heading to the glass wall overlooking the club. Who was he kidding? Why get his hopes up? Did he honestly think the blonde would give this a chance? Give _him_ a chance?...Sigh, No. He'd promised himself he would try this. He wouldn't give up before he'd even tried. He'd been alone for so long...

Ran had looked into Yohji a bit, once he'd realized he couldn't get the man out of his head. Yohji was slightly older than himself, 22 years old. He'd been involved with Weiss since high school, working gigs, clubs, etc. They'd signed a new lead guitar about a year ago and had been steadily rising since then. It was only a matter of time before they secured a recording contract.

Ran knew Yohji was bi-sexual, at least in his dating habits, or at least as noted in various media. Whether that progressed beyond public dating to real life or not... Yohji had been reported as dating both genders several times, and seemed to have a penchant for redheads. Ran also knew, working in the industry as he did, that Yohji was well known for his loyalty, compassion, and a tendency to love too hard, if that was possible. Yohji was touted as a real friend by any who spoke of him. A little withdrawn outside of the public persona, but if you got close enough to be his friend, his loyalty and devotion were unquestionable. He was also known as a truly kind man, going out of his way to interact with fans, especially children or young people, and had a chivalry that was almost unheard of in this day and age. Yohji would not tolerate anyone being overly obnoxious or harsh with women. He seemed to see himself as a protector. It was reported he'd been in love a few times, falling hard, but none had become permanent at this point. There was some rumor of tragedy in his past, but no actual details floated around.

Regardless, what he'd learned was enough to convince Ran Yohji was worth the attempt. Old fashioned honor was hard to find now days, chivalry was dead. If Yohji bore some, even getting to know him, becoming perhaps friends, would be worth Ran's discomfort in coming out of his shell like this. If more developed, well... Ran wouldn't let his heart run away with him. Meeting the man would be the first step, let things progress as they would...

Ran watched from behind the smoked glass windows as WEISS set up their equipment. There he was, the blonde Ran'd chanced so much to see tonight. His honey gold, shoulder length hair shining under the lights. His grace as he moved around the stage, connecting cords, testing equipment. Those long legs, well muscled, captured Ran's attention as he watched the blonde stretching and climbing various step ladders to set up lights, microphones. His rich, warm voice filled the room as he did sound checks.

Yohji completed the set up and made his way over to the bar. Ran watched his easy laughter, his interaction with the staff and crowd. So open, so comfortable, so ... beautiful. Yohji truly was a handsome, beautiful man. Tall and lean, with whipcord muscle, (Ran'd glimpsed those washboard abs during last month's show), golden tan, firm jaw, broad shoulders, strong hands. Ran sighed again as he watched Yohji move, wishing yet again he wasn't so pale himself, so small framed, almost... delicate. Yes, he was strong, trained in kendo and martial arts, well able to handle himself. His own wiry frame hid a subtle strength, both of body and will. He could out-glare just about anyone, except perhaps his father. His cold temper was almost as well known among those in the business as his coloring. But sometimes, sometimes he wished – wished he portrayed more... more strength in his appearance, more masculinity. He hated being mistaken for fragile, weak. Ah well, no sense wishing for the unattainable. He soon set to rights anyone who mistook his smaller frame and pale complexion for weakness or frailty.

Ran gestured, spoke briefly to the VIP attendant and watched as he made his way to Yohji at the bar. He watched the man approach and introduce himself to Yohji. Took in the disdainful glance toward the upper floor, and Yohji's obvious declination, his sneer almost palpable. Ran watched as Yohji returned to the stage area, preparing for the set to begin. Yohji took his place at the mic and then that beautiful, warm tenor enveloped Ran's senses.

After the first few songs, Ran could no longer bear just watching, listening from afar. As always - alone, distant, an observer. He had to be closer, to be a part of the music. Ran removed his blazer, pulling on his 'blend in hoodie' he often brought along for his public excursions. An attempt at disguise, a small chance to let him be a part of the crowd. No one knew he was here tonight, if he kept a low profile it should work, at least for a short while. He threw the blazer over the sofa, and made his way out into the club. The cream colored hoodie and well fitted black jeans still presented an eyeful. Heads still turned to take in the man as he made his way along, but the hoodie's pale coloring made less contrast against his skin. With the hood up that fiery mane was hidden from view. The long sleeves and his hands in his pockets concealed the paleness of his skin, his face shadowed under the cowl of the hood. There was little to draw the eye apart from the mouthwatering lithe figure, long legs, perfect ass, unconscious grace as he moved. Ran truly had no idea the sex appeal he radiated.

He made his way closer to the stage as Yohji continued to sing. He drew close enough to make out the intense emerald of Yohji's eyes. He felt his chest tighten as he watched Yohji sing. He was just so, so beautiful. So sexy. So open, happy. Ran swallowed. What right did he have, intruding in this life... this happiness? A part of him wanted to turn around right there and go, just forget all about Yohji and his damn... damn... attraction. But, a bigger part of him screamed inside, no – don't walk away – try...just ... try.

This was the first time Ran'd felt attracted to anyone strongly enough to actually act on it. Enough to _not_ listen to that part that told him it wasn't worth it, _he_ wasn't worth it. This man, he made Ran want to be worth it, made him want, period. Ran felt himself drawn closer, like a moth to the flame. Yohji radiated warmth, life, sensuality. The music was obviously a part of him. Ran was drawn closer still until he was directly in front of the stage, oriented to Yohji's every move, magnetized to Yohji's pull. His piercing violet gaze never left Yohji's face. Drinking in every nuance, every emotion. Finally, their gazes met. Clear bottomless emerald locked with stormy, intense violet. Recognition flared in those green orbs. Yohji obviously recognized Ran's face, but did he know who Ran was? He focused on Ran through the remainder of the set, watching, pondering. As the set ended, Yohji made his way down to where Ran stood.

'So' he spoke as he approached. 'you can come out among the commoners rather than just hiding up in your castle, behind your glass walls hmm?' he tilted his head, 'I take it your man told you I'd declined your offer?' It seemed Yohji did know who Ran was after all.

'I saw you. I knew immediately you wouldn't come to me. Therefore, here I am.' Ran answered. 'As I hope my man explained, I am very intrigued. Both by your music, and by you – yourself. I would very much like to speak with you in some depth. Again, as I hope was conveyed, it is ... difficult for me to mingle, particularly in a venue such as this. I would prefer to get to know you in a more peaceful setting, rather than fighting off attention, as would be necessary if my identity were known.'

'Well, since you went to all this trouble, I guess I can cut you some slack.' Yohji smiled. 'lead the way.'

Ran nodded and turned toward the lift to the VIP Suites. 'I don't want to offend you or your bandmates in any way, feel free to extend the invitation to the others if you'd like.' Ran turned to Yohji as they entered the lift.

'It's fine. ' Yohji said. 'We actually agreed to split up and mingle a bit tonight. We're roommates - we get enough of each other, believe me.

As they entered the suite Ran dismissed the attendant, leaving them alone. 'Would you care for a drink?' he asked Yohji. 'I know you have another set later, will this interfere?'

'nah, it's fine.' Yohji scoffed. 'we got just over a half hour till the next set. A cold one would be nice. You have any Heineken?'

'sure' Ran drew out two cold bottles , gesturing Yohji to the sofa area.

Yohji noticed the wine bucket chilling near the glass panels. 'wine is fine too, if you prefer man. Really, either is fine with me.' Yohji accepted the offered bottle.

'It doesn't matter.' Ran said as he seated himself. 'whatever your preference. Really. It's just an excuse anyway, for the chance to talk with you.' Ran smiled a small (very small) smile. Inside he repeated to himself, over and over _this is worth it, don't freeze, breathe, it's worth a chance..._ Ran sat on the edge of the sofa, placing his bottle on the coffee table near the fruit and cheese trays set up earlier. He turned to Yohji. 'please, take a seat. My name is Ran. Ran Fujimiya. You are Yohji Kudoh. I remember, from the competition last month.'

'Well, right to the point. I like that' Yohji laughed as he sat in the chair at the end of the sofa where Ran sat. 'So, Ran, what did you want to know? I know you're with Krittiker, I remember you from the competition as well. Krittiker signed Mercury. What? Got another contract open? '

'Sadly, no." Ran said, watching the bottle he was spinning on the tabletop. 'My...interest is actually... personal, rather than business related.' He glanced up just in time to catch Yohji s eyes widen with surprise.

'Personal huh?' Yohji grinned slightly, 'Well, I'm... flattered. So, not music or business related?'

"Well, I do enjoy your music, hearing you sing. You have a remarkable voice, but actually, I wanted to get to know... you. Who you are, apart from WEISS, aside from music and the business. ' Ran paused a moment, then straightened his shoulders, sitting up a bit. 'Tell me something about yourself. Something not music related.'

'hmm...' Yohji mused, 'not music related. Well, I must admit, right now in my life the music is a big part, a very big part. Really. But, I guess, apart from the music... well, I love cars. Working on them, driving them, looking at them, much like women', Yohji smirked, missing the wince Ran failed to hide. 'I sketch a bit, still life or animals for the most part. I'm a sucker for the beach, walking it mostly, I don't like cold water' he grinned at that, 'and... well, I like corny movies, old westerns, sci-fi, some Anime.' He smiled a small smile, 'Is that what you had in mind? How about you? What do you like, Ran, apart from the music business?'

Ran almost smiled again, a half smile kinda ghosting around his mouth. Just a hint really. Yohji thought it seemed like something Ran wasn't really used to. 'Well, I enjoy cars as well,' Ran began. 'not working on them, I can barely change the oil, but driving... well. There's nothing quite like the feeling of a powerful engine beneath you, the smooth glide of changing gears at just that precise moment, the vibration, the power thrumming up through your legs.' Ran's eyes had a distant, almost dreamy quality, and that smile ghosted around his mouth again, almost there. Yohji found himself transfixed by that look on Ran's face. He frowned slightly as Ran shook his head and it faded.

Ran looked back to Yohji just as the frown faded, missing it. 'I sketch as well. Actually, I love to paint., and I'm pretty good at it. Really. I don't have much time for it, but I truly enjoy it. Unfortunately, painting was something-' Ran suddenly cut off, reaching for his drink, _stupid,_ he thought fiercely at himself. He couldn't believe he'd almost divulged to Yohji his conflict with his father about his art barely 10 minutes into their first meeting. He shook his head. 'Never mind that.' He reached for a cracker, 'I also enjoy the beach, especially at night. I have a weakness for the stars I must admit. Away from the city lights, over the ocean, they sky seems... endless.' He focused back on Yohji. Again that small smile hovered, 'as for movies, I'm afraid I'd much rather curl up with a book. I love to read, almost any genre, again a pastime which I rarely have time to indulge anymore.'

'Yah, Krittiker keeps you jumping huh?' Yohji ventured, trying a slice of the melon himself. 'scouting, promoting, competitions. I've heard of you. I can guess you don't get to do the club scene too often. At least, not without getting glomped on. I saw you at the competition. You had those security guys hopping. They always follow you around when you're out? Is it always like that?' he looked around as if trying to spot the security detail.

Ran's eyes hardened bit and his voice grew cold. 'People just can't seem to understand sometimes that I am not just Krittiker, sometimes I'm just me, just Ran. That event, or others like it, that's one thing. I'm there on business, working, but when not... sometimes it would be nice to just be able to go out-' again he abruptly cut off, taking a deep breath. 'I must admit, when I do go out, as rarely as it is, I tend to avoid places like this, the popular music scene. It's not that I don't enjoy rock n roll, I do. But, usually, if I go out, I tend toward jazz clubs, or themed clubs.' He smiled, that little half smile again, almost a little wider this time. "I have to confess, I enjoy American 40's music. Sinatra and the like. It's rich, soothing music, and I am rarely recognized in that environment, as Krittiker works almost exclusively with rock n roll and popular music genres.'

'No way' Yohji gasped as his eyes widened, then narrowed, peering at ran. 'Are you telling me you're a Sinatra fan, really?'

'Yes,' Ran's confused gaze turned to Yohji. 'I am... why? Is that-'

'Are you sure you haven't...' Yohji stopped, ran his fingers through his hair and gazed intently at Ran, searching... 'OK, spill... look, I know with Krittiker's resources you have access to a lot of information. You been checking up on me, are you setting me up or something?'

'No! I... of course not, why would I?' Ran seemed genuinely shocked, indignant.

Yohji smiled slowly, a full, open smile as he took in Ran's obvious distress. He leaned over, covering Ran's hand on the table with one of his own. 'I'm sorry. It just... took me by surprise. I love Sinatra. I have all of his music, and others of that era. I find that music very moving, romantic, full. Sinatra's the reason I started singing in the first place, school choir and such. My mom's American. She was a huge fan. His music was always playing at home. It wasn't until I was a teen that I learned how 'old' his music was. I discovered rock-n-roll then. I like it, the beat, the rush, the intensity, but just for quiet time, yeah – I prefer Frank.' Yohji tilted his head, taking in the soft expression of unbelief on Ran's face. 'I can't believe how much we have in common. Whoever would have believed it?'

Ran's brow wrinkled. 'Why? Why wouldn't any-'

Yohji cut him off. 'Well, we're not exactly from the same side of the tracks you know.' Seeing Ran's deepening confusion, Yohji began to explain. 'Ran, I'm not...' he sighed, 'Look. You're the son of Persia, Persia the CEO of Krittiker Music, one of the wealthiest labels out there. I'd imagine limos and Armani are old hat to you, everyday things in your life, no big deal...Mine, well... not so much. I grew up in an apartment, went to public school. Nothing wrong with it, just...it's a different lifestyle than you are used to, I'm sure. I had a job by the time I was 14 so I could have pocket money and more than one pair of shoes. I mean, you can only wear one pair at a time right, frivolous to spend budget money on more than one pair...' his voice trailed off a moment then he cleared his throat and went on. 'my parents worked hard, they were good people and I loved them, but money was never ... it doesn't matter. Anyway, I've never been in a limo in my life, and I still don't own anything Armani. Someday, we'll have a contract, make it, and things will be different, but for now I share a townhouse with three other guys to make ends meet and so we can practice anytime. ...' he trailed off then looking into Ran's eyes, that deep, violet gaze.

'And yet,' he said softly, 'here we are, two completely different men, yet with so much in common, so much of who were are that is the same.' Again he found his eyes locked with Ran's. Those eyes that were so expressive, even as the face remained unreadable. Yohji wondered briefly if Ran realized he gave so much away through those eyes. He watched as the confusion faded, was replaced with ...hope? ... and more... appraisal, and if Yohji wasn't mistaken, desire. Yohji's own eyes sparkled with mirth, and softened as Ran's began to show hope more prominently. Yohji found himself drawn closer as he saw the desire begin to build and develop. He leaned forward, trailing one hand over Ran's cheek, back to entwine in that amazing red hair, so soft. 'Ran' he whispered, mesmerized as the sound of his name caused Ran's eyes to widen, the darken and fall to half lid, the desire and hope both increasing. 'Ran' he murmured again, 'you said you wanted to get to know me, I'd like that' Yohji leaned closer until his lips just hovered over Ran's own. 'I'd like that, very much. ' he whispered now, feeling Ran tremble as their lips brushed with his words. Then, he felt Ran's hand clutch the back of his head as Ran lunged forward, claiming Yohji's mouth with his own.

Yohji let himself melt into the kiss, immediately opening his own mouth to give Ran entrance. The intensity of the kiss almost immediately faded to a light, shy feel and Yohji felt Ran tense under his hands. Yohji opened his eyes to find Ran's squeezed shit with a look of fear? or pain? on his face. A suspicion began to develop in Yohji's mind. Yohji brought both hands up to frame Ran's face as he took control of the kiss, maintaining contact, gently nipping, trailing his tongue over Ran's tasting the sweetness of the fruit Ran'd eaten earlier, the spiciness of the wine. He felt more than heard Ran's moan as he entered his mouth. He caressed the side of Ran's neck, trailing his fingers through Ran's hair as he slowly, so slowly, brought the kiss to an end. His own breath had quickened, and Ran almost panted as Yohji slowed everything down, pulling Ran into an embrace, tucking his head into the crook of Yohji's neck. 'Ran' Yohji whispered, 'that, that was... unexpected.' He felt Ran begin to tense, 'but, oh so nice' he hummed, letting his voice convey his smile. 'I hope – I hope I didn't overstep. I'd like to get to know you better too.' He smiled openly and pulled back.

Ran gazed up at him solemnly, then reached up to trace the edge of Yohji's jaw with his fingertips. 'yes,' he cleared his throat and sat up, running a hand through his hair, seeming unaware of the hand still caressing Yohji's arm. 'yes, I'd, I'd like that, very much.' Ran looked back at Yohji with that small smile that Yohji already found himself eager to see. 'perhaps we could go for coffee? After you're done here tonight?'

'yeah, I'd like that,' Yohji smiled and leaned in for one small, chaste kiss. Just as he pulled back, there was a rap at the door. Ran sat up, straightening his shirt and stood. 'yes?' he called out as Yohji reached for his beer, taking a small drink.

'Mr. Fujimiya,' the attendant bowed as he entered the room, 'you have a call sir,' his eyes flicked to Yohji before dismissing him. Yohji stood, 'well, man,' he said as he sat his beer down on the table, 'this was nice, real nice, but I gotta get back and round up the guys for the next set.'

'wait a moment,' Ran asked, and turned back to the attendant. 'Thank you, Ichiro, I will take the call here. You may have the reset of the evening off, as well as tomorrow. I will see you Monday.' 'very good sir,' Ichiro answered, 'the call is holding on line 3.' With that, he left the room.

Ran turned back to Yohji, 'I'll meet you at the stage entrance, after the set, if that's alright?' he asked, a bit uncertain. Ran seemed unsure and Yohji's suspicions grew, combined with the hope he'd glimpsed before, the uncertainty of the kiss... he stepped forward, running the back of his hand against Ran's face, smiling as Ran unconsciously leaned into the touch. 'yeah babe, that's fine' Yohji answered softly.

Ran's eyes widened at the endearment, then closed as Yohji again took the chance for a soft, quick kiss. 'give me a minute after to help with clean up and tell the guys, ' Yohji kissed the top of Ran's head and stepped back. 'until later' he smiled and left.

Ran cleared his throat, then jumped as the phone beeped twice, a reminder of the call holding. 'this is Ran,' he answered as he picked up the receiver.

'About damn time boy,' a voce snapped back, 'what are you doing that is so important as to make me wait?' the caller growled.

Ran stiffened, his eyes hardening as he replied in a formal tone, carefully devoid of emotion. 'Father. I was not aware you were the caller holding. This is my night off, I am not on Krittiker business tonight. I did not expect your call.'

'You are always representing Krittiker, I've told you that several times boy. I should not have to track you down like this. You have a cell phone, though fat lot of good it does if you turn the damn thing off.' His father answered disdainfully, 'I don't like waiting Ran, especially for you.'

Ran sighed, quietly, 'I did not expect to hear from you, Father. I explained that. I am scheduled to have tonight and tomorrow off. I left my cell phone in the car. What is so important that you felt the need to track me, as you put it.' Ran kept his tone formal, but inside he was seething... his father knew he was scheduled for the weekend off, his first in months.

'You have a meeting tomorrow morning, at your-'

'but, Father I -,'

"no buts Ran. You will meet with Mamaru and his young talent. I want that boy signed Ran. Business doesn't stop so you can have a sleep in. You be there, 8am, no excuses. Sign that kid. Don't disappoint me. Any more than usual at any rate.' His father hung up, leaving Ran holding the receiver in frustration.

Ran took a deep breath and unclenched his fist from around the receiver. He fought against the tension settling in his jaw and shoulders from talking with his father. He closed his eyes and brought Yohji to mind, a smile taking over his features as he recalled their meeting. His hands flew to his lips, trembling as he remembered the feel of Yohji. His heart sped up, recalling Yohji's hands in his hair, on his face. He blushed as he remembered Yohji's taste, smell, _feel._

Taking a cleansing breath, Ran turned to watch Yohji on stage, smiling as he took in the moves, the way Yohji so obviously felt the music. He watched, entranced by the look of bliss on Yohji's face as he sang a slow ballad. He gasped as Yohji obviously focused on the smoked glass panels above the club floor, seeming to sing to him from across the room. Ran lost himself watching Yohji. His voice, the music, and the memory of Yohji's smile enveloped him, washing him clean of his father's venom. Ran sipped his wine, allowing himself to relax. As things progressed, Ran took the time to change back to his blazer. The set ended and Ran gathered his things, sending a text to his limo driver to be ready in back in twenty minutes.

Ran made his way down to the stage area as the club began to clear out, staying near the exit. Yohji spotted him watching and waved, smiling. He finished up, patting the drummer on the back and turning toward Ran. 'See you guys later,' he called out as he made his way toward Ran. "so beautiful,' he crooned as he came closer, 'ready for coffee?'

Ran's eyes widened at the endearment, and that small smile ghosted over his face. He turned without a reply and led Yohji out the stage entrance. His limo waited near the back door. He watched Yohji's face as he came through the door, caught Yohji's eyes widening at the sight of the slick, white Lincoln, and the smirk as he turned to Ran. 'Yours I take it?' Ran nodded and turned toward the car. The chauffer opened the door as they approached.

Ran gave the name of a nearby overnight coffee house, and the two men seated themselves. 'So, was that ballad new?' Ran asked, 'I don't remember it from last month's show.'

'Yeah. It wasn't ready yet.' Yohji replied. 'we only got it synched up recently. This is only the second time we have performed it.' He turned toward Ran, 'did you like it?' his voice dropped, grew more husky as he took in the vision of Ran silhouetted against the window, with the flashing lights passing behind him as the made their way. Ran's eyes were intent on Yohji, darkening, dropping a bit as Yohji's voice lowered. Ran's gaze flicked down to Yohji's lips, then quickly back to those emerald orbs . Ran cleared his throat and barely licked his lips. Yohji's small grin grew, spreading across his face.

'Yes," Ran murmured, 'Yes I did like the ballad. Actually, it was very...' he tilted his head, and smirked, just a bit. 'very... Sinatra-ish.' His eyes twinkled.

Yohji laughed. 'Sinatra-ish?' He chuckled again. 'Well, I guess you're right. It is reminiscent of Frank, isn't it? I guess I hadn't made the connection.' He smiled warmly, 'great, now every time I sing it I'll be picturing Frank.' His eyes softened, 'and you, I think.' He leaned forward slowly, raising one hand to cup Ran's face.

Ran cleared his throat and pulled back slightly. 'Yohji,' he started. Took a breath and began again, 'Yohji. I'd like to get to know you, as I said, but I think we should clarify some things before we go further.' He frowned slightly, and tilted his head.

Yohji sat back, dropping his hand. 'clarify huh?' he asked, his cynicism coming to the fore. 'like what **Ran?** ' Ran's frown deepened as he heard the coldness creep into Yohji's voice, and the obvious disdain as Yohji said his name. He took in Yohji's crossed arms, the tightening of Yohji's jaw as he turned to look out the window. His eyes widened as Yohji's flat voice filled the car. 'OK. I get it, alright? How many? What's the offer huh? You said no contract, so what? A _shot?_ An extra vote at the next competition? Thanks. But no. Interested or not, I won't make the deal. We'll make it on our own. I'm not a whore, despite what you may have heard. Just drop me here **Ran**. Thanks anyway.' Yohji turned back to Ran, eyes hard. 'you could have saved the trouble and just come out with it right off. Sorry you wasted your time.' Yohji glared at Ran and Ran felt his chest tighten as he took in the hurt filled voice, the bitter words, and began to understand.

'No.' he whispered. 'no Yohji, that's not-'

'oh cut the shit **Ran** ' again Yohji used that tone as he said Ran's name. Ran decided he hated his name sounding that way. 'just stop the car man. I'm outa here. Go clarify that.'

'Yohji' Ran reached out to touch Yohji's arm, but flinched as Yohji pulled back. He dropped his hands to his lap and focused his gaze there as he began to speak. 'no Yohji, you've... you've misunderstood, I think' Ran cleared his throat, his hands now clenched tightly together. He felt Yohji focus his glare on him and shrank in on himself more. 'I'm... I'm sorry Yohji, i-' Ran clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. He _was_ sorry. Sorry he'd wasted the evening. He could have relaxed, rested, spent some time on his bonsai, or more time with Aya. He should have _known_ this wouldn't work. What the hell had he been _thinking?_ He took hold of himself and sat straighter. Remember who you are, he thought. 'I **meant** ' Ran growled, 'I meant to clarify that ... that _this_ has nothing to do with Krittiker, or the music industry. That it _can't_ have any connection, in any way. I _meant_ if-' he took a shuddering breath, his eyes still closed, not seeing Yohji begin to loosen, his eyes intent on Ran's face.

Yohji's glance flicked down to take in those hands, clenched in his jacket hem, back up to the obvious pain on Ran's face as his voice dropped to a rasped whisper. 'if we...' he continued, ' _were_ to pursue... anything. Get to know each other, there could not be any, any business involved.' Ran's eyes opened then. Growing cold, hard, they turned to his lap. Yohji was startled at the coldness he could glimpse, even from the profile. He started to uncross his arms.

'I wanted to _clarify_ ,' Ran went on, 'that you should look to other labels so... so there would be no...so no one would think' a breath, 'what you're obviously thinking.' Another small breath and the voice grew slightly colder, less... lost. 'I did not want anything of the business between us. I told you, I was interested in you apart from WEISS, from music. I meant that...' Ran's voice trailed off for a moment. 'I never thought you were a whore.' His voice grew harder, flat. Not lost, shy, or cold now, just... empty. His eyes closed briefly, then raised to Yohji's confused gaze. 'nor, am I. I am not looking for a whore either, though, I guess that may be hard to imagine.' His eyes closed again missing Yohji's obvious bewilderment at that last statement. 'perhaps you are correct.' Ran's face closed completely now, a blank, dead mask that Yohji instantly hated. Not a shred of emotion there now, his voice flat. No glimpse of the fragile, almost scared young man from earlier, not a hint of the pain or hope. Just this cold, deadness. 'this was obviously a mistake.' The voice matched the face, dead, devoid of any inflection or emotion. 'I apologize for wasting your time. You are surely a busy man.' Ran turned to the intercom control on the door panel. 'Yuri, please return to the club. Mr. Kudoh will not be-'

'Wait.' Yohji cut him off, 'wait, please. Can... can we talk about this?'

' there is nothing to discuss Mr. Kudoh-'

Again, Yohji cut him off. 'obviously, we both misunderstood something. Please Ran, let's just talk about it for a moment.'

Ran considered Yohji, still that deadness in his eyes. 'very well Mr. Kudoh. We can talk.' He turned back, having not released the intercom, 'continue, Yuri, to the NightHouse.' He released the button and sat back in his seat without turning back to Yohji, his gaze forward.

Yohji took in the rigid posture, the formal use of his name, and the bleak deadness. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. 'Ran I'm... I guess I'm wrong, obviously I'm wrong about... about what I thought. I'm sorry, please ... please let me explain.' He leaned forward. Ran didn't flinch or pull away. He remained there, dead, empty. Yohji'd seen this bleakness, this hollowness, before in a person. It was almost as though Ran wasn't there anymore. Like this was just, just a shell. Yohji had hated it then, and he hated it now. He was determined to bring Ran back, out of this void. He took a deep breath. 'Ran. I ... well, I have... this reputation. I admit, in the rock world, it's almost expected... I've, let- let it be built up, but it's not accurate. I'm sure you've heard the rumors, the stories, the excessiveness. I admit, I've been with my share of women, and men, but, not nearly as much as is reported in the media. I allowed it to be blown up. The rep keeps expectations down, no one expects you to really care. Sometimes, people think it means... you're ...' he sighed, 'anyway. I've been approached before because of it. Some seem to think I'm willing to sleep our way along, I'm not. The band is not. We want to make it our way, for our music, not for favors. I'm...sorry Ran. I, I assumed when you began-'

'yes' Ran's clipped voice cut him off. 'yes, I gathered that.' Still that flat, deadness. 'you assumed I was one of those people, and wanted clarification of terms. I understand, I also get it.' Ran still had not looked at Yohji.

'Ran?' Yohji whispered, 'Ran, look at me.' Ran turned those hollow eyes and blank mask to face Yohji. Yohji winced, 'Ran, I'm sorry, i-'

'Kudoh,' Ran spoke, 'forget it. You're not a **whore** ,' the venom broke through then into his voice, although the eyes remained unchanged. 'nor am I.' now the voice turned cold. 'I'm not Krittiker's whore, despite what you may have heard. Nor, despite the obvious, do I engage in seeking the services of whores.' He turned back to the front, again missing the complete bafflement on Yohji's face at that statement. 'I do not enter into those types of contracts with any performers. Anyone endorsed by me has earned their chance through their talents in _music_ , not the bedroom. I told you at the beginning there is not a contract available for WEISS. Your band is talented, someone will offer soon, I am quite certain. Krittiker will not. We have no other openings in this genre at this time.' Ran cut off as the limo slowed and stopped.

The driver approached the door, 'Here, the NightHouse,' Ran said as the door opened. 'Yuri will tell them you're on my tab, order whatever you like. Provision will be left for a cab to take you wherever you choose. It was-' Ran faltered. Just for a moment, closed his eyes, then continued, 'it was a pleasure to have met you Mr. Kudoh. Good luck in future endeavors.' He sat, eyes forward, obviously waiting for Yohji to leave the car. Yohji sat there, just waiting. Ignoring the open door, Yuri standing by. Finally, Ran turned to face him. 'yes Mr. Kudoh. Was there something else?'

'Yes.' Yohji answered seriously. 'Yes, there is. I want to go back.'

Ran blinked, that small wrinkle between his eyes, just for a moment, confusion flashing through his eyes briefly. 'Very well, the cab can return you to the club if you wish.'

'No Ran.' Yohji leaned over, placing on hand on Ran's shoulder, turning him to face Yohji. 'No. Not back to the club.' He looked intently into Ran's eyes, as though he could ignite life there in those violet depths by will alone. 'Back to where we were before. Before I was an ass, before I jumped to such a damning conclusion...Please Ran. Come back. Let me get to know you, the you I saw before. I don't like this' he waved a hand vaguely over Ran. 'This version, this robot. Come back. Please.' His eyes never left Ran's or he would have missed it, it was so fast. A flash of pain, then the mask slammed back into place.

'I'm sorry.' Ran spoke. 'there has been some miscommunication, a misunderstanding. This is me. Krittiker Representative, Ran Fujimiya. I regret if-'

'No Ran!' Yohji growled. 'I'm sorry. I screwed up. I admit it, I was wrong. Please.' His voice dropped, almost to a whisper. 'Please give it a shot. Us a shot. I know you felt it too Ran.' Again, his focus so sharp on Ran's face, he caught that brief flash of hope, that hint he'd seen at the club before when they were close. He pounced. "Ran. I know you did. The connection, this...pull. This feels right Ran, you know it does. Don't let my bullshit screw this up. Give me a chance. Please.'

Ran sat still a moment longer, then – slowly – his posture began to ease. He... thawed it seemed. His eyes closed, his tension easing off until his shoulders dropped ever so slightly. His head lowered and his hands again began to wring in his hem. 'I' he stopped, 'I don't think,' he rasped.

Yohji cut him off. 'No! Ran, no. I _know_ this is right. We _connected_. I know, it sounds lame. But you felt it too., There's something there. There's a chance. We can start over, we can. Come with me. Have coffee. We can talk about whatever you want. I'm sorry. Don't throw this away, please Ran.'

Ran raised his eyes and Yohji gasped. There. There was that Ran again from the club. Vulnerable, hopeful, lightly confused, fearfully hopeful. The desire too, just a hint. Not the sultry flash of desire from earlier. This was a desire for... what? Acceptance?

'Ku- Yohji. I don't think- it- I want- please.' Ran's voice dropped, almost breathless by the end, as one hand seemed to raise of its own volition toward Yohji. Yohji quickly grabbed the hand, bringing it up to the side of his face. He held Ran's hand there, leaning into the caress as Ran lightly stroked, his fingers barely tracing in to Yohji's hair. Yohji leaned forward, slowly so slowly. 'Ran,' he whispered 'please, please don't give up. Don't let me screw this up.' He leaned in and lightly touched Ran's lips with his own. A feather lite touch. He felt Ran's sigh and leaned in again. Slightly longer this time, light kisses tracing back and forth across Ran's mouth. He began to nip at Ran's lower lip, barely caressing with his tongue. He felt Ran's hand shift back into his hair, gripping tightly.

Suddenly, that passion he'd glimpsed briefly before resurfaced, full strength. Ran's other hand shot up to Yohji's neck and he pulled Yohji to him, opening his mouth with a gasp. He began to devour Yohji. Yohji was ready. He'd banked on this. He brought both arms up to cradle Ran. Crushing him closer, swallowing Ran's whimper, the moan that followed. Yohji let his own moan escape and was delighted to feel Ran's heartbeat jump against his chest as he voiced it. Yohji wrenched his mouth from Ran's, launching to his neck. Nipping, kissing, taking in the panting, the clenched hands in his hair. 'Ran' he gasped. 'Ran, I-' Yohji ran kisses over Ran's neck and up his jaw. Back to that amazing mouth, forcing himself to slow it down he brought them back from the edge. Back to themselves. 'Ran' he whispered again. 'I want you.' He felt Ran shiver against him, then a hint of tension returned. 'I do Ran, but...' Yohji pulled back, taking in Ran's flushed face, closed eyes, head back, lightly panting. 'I want to do this right Ran. Let me. Let me do this right, whatever this is, please. Let me... date you, know you.'

Ran's eyes shot open and he froze. All movement ceased, even breath. Not in anger, or distress it seemed, but utter shock. 'what?' Ran's almost breathless query Yohji felt more than heard. He searched Ran's face. Such a look there, such fear, hope, disbelief. Yohji's heart broke. 'Ran' he stroked the side of Ran's neck, brushed bangs back from Ran's eyes. 'let me date you. Let's do this right. I... I think we can have something Ran, really. I wanna do this right. Let me.'

Ran seemed..lost. 'you, you want to... date me? Kn- know me? But, _why?_ ' '

'Ran.' Yohji pulled Ran close, holding him, relishing the feeling of this treasure in his arms. 'I think we can have something. Something... real. I don't- I don't want a quick fuck Ran, I'd ... I'd like to explore this... connection, this ... whatever this is. Maybe... maybe we can have... more. I ... I would like to have ...more, Ran. I, I'm ready Ran, ready to find... someone. With this, this... connection, with the common areas we have already, maybe... maybe we can find that.' Yohji pulled back, 'let's start over. Talk, huh? Let's talk.' He watched Ran's eyes clear, watched him nod, straighten and run a hand over the back of his neck. Ran raised his eyes to Yohji's. 'o-ok. Start over.' He glanced past Yohji to the open door, knew Yuri waited out of sight. 'Ok, let's, let's have a coffee.'

Yohji grinned. 'yep. Coffee.' He climbed out of the limo and turned to watch Ran exit the car as well. Ran turned to Yuri, speaking briefly. 'very good sir.' Yuri replied softly, and Ran turned and led the way inside.

'Ran!' a young woman bounced over from the back of the room as they entered the front door. 'hey Ran.' She breathed as she took his hand. 'long time no see. How are you? I, I saw Aya this afternoon. She looks... well.' Yohji caught Ran's wince as the girl spoke. Ran's obvious discomfort as she began to lock her arm with his. Yohji leaned a bit closer and threw an arm around Ran's shoulder. 'hey sweetheart.' Yohji smiled at her. An open, friendly smile that he let harden a bit as he lightly squeezed Ran's shoulder, making certain she took in the gesture. 'I'm Yohji.'

'oh!' Ran started. 'I'm, I'm sorry.' He cleared his throat. 'Sakura, this is Yohji. He's a...' Ran looked briefly to Yohji, obviously uncertain how to proceed. Was Yohji ok telling people he was Ran's date? _Was_ this a date? Were they friends? Ran's uncertainty grew as the pause lengthened.

Yohji watched the play of emotions on Ran's face. Uncertainty, doubt. He squeezed again, briefly, and dropped his arm. He reached forward to shake Sakura's hand. 'I'm a new friend of Ran's. we've done some business. Just stopped for some _coffee?_ ' his smile grew slightly brittle again, and Ran blinked.

'Sorry!' Sakura gasped, 'of, of course. This, this way.' She led them to a back table and left, slightly bemused. 'I'll, I'll get yours Ran.' She walked away.

'so.' Yohji smiled warmly, discreetly taking Yohji's hand in his own. They were shielded from the room. If Ran didn't want this it would be easy to not be seen. 'regular huh?' Ran's eyes widened as he felt Yohji's hand on his own, darting from their hands to Yohji 's eyes. Warm, beautiful, deep green eyes. So peaceful, so... accepting. No scorn, no disdain. Ran relaxed, and slightly turned his hand to entwine their fingers. Just as he began to smile, that small hovering smile from the club, the almost shy, happy smile with no falsity, the one Yohji had now decided was **his** smile-

'Ran, here- oh!' Ran's shoulders tensed and he flushed, about to pull away, but Yohji squeezed and kept his eyes focused on Ran until the smile ghosted in his eyes again. Ran squeezed back, lightly. Yohji turned his eyes to the girl. She was waiting, watching their hands. She looked... sad, resigned, as she raised her eyes to Yohji's. 'have you decided what you'd like?' she asked Yohji. Sullen, but not angry, just... yeah, resigned. 'yeah sweetheart.' Yohji smiled, 'I'd like a mocha cinnamon, thanks.' He watched as she walked away, dejected. She'd obviously had hopes for Ran, and seeing their fingers entwined had realized it was not going to happen. Yohji frowned lightly. He hoped she just dropped it. The whole woman scorned thing flashed through his mind. He turned again to Ran.

'So, regular enough that she knew your order without a thought. What are you having Ran?. Yohji smiled.

Ran glanced at his drink then back to Yohji. 'vanilla bean' he said 'Its an indulgence of mine.'

'Vanilla.' Yohji said flatly. 'your indulgence is Vanilla' he laughed lightly.

'what?' Ran asked, confused. 'what's wrong with Vanilla? I like it.' Ran's brow creased as Yohji chuckled a bit harder.

'nothing's _wrong_ with it Ran, just –' he stopped laughing, smiling warmly he reached over to brush a stray bit of hair back from Ran's eyes, 'it's just' he went on, 'most people _indulge_ a bit more…. extravagantly. That's all.' He let his eyes roam over Ran's face, memorizing. 'I'm guessing you don't indulge yourself very often though, do you?'

Ran blinked. 'Well-"

'Here's your mocha,' the girl was back. Her resignation now a bit colder as she turned to Ran. 'I'm off now Ran. Just settle up with Charlie before you go.' She turned to leave. 'Wait.' Ran reached for her, but she sidestepped neatly. She stopped and turned back half way. 'what Ran?' she asked, sullen.

'You, you saw Aya this afternoon?' Ran asked, his voice small and tinged with pain, Yohji noticed. 'She… she seemed well, you said?'

Sakura sighed and turned more fully toward Ran. Looking only at him, she failed to notice Yohji's intent gaze. 'Yes Ran. She… she seemed …ok. No … no change or anything.' Yohji took in the flash of anguish that flew over Ran's features, then the droop of his shoulders as though an intense weight were lain on them. 'no change' he whispered. He raised his eyes back to Saukra, Yohji obviously momentarily forgotten. 'Thank you.' Ran whispered, 'thank you for being her friend, for not…. Not.. giving up after, after so long.'

Sakura melted at Ran's pain. She leaned over to lightly touch his face. 'I love her too, Ran' she cleared her throat and took hold of herself, closing her eyes. She turned to Yohji. He kept his face impassive, pretending he hadn't glimpsed the love shining from her eyes as she touched Ran, or the pain and defeat as she'd glanced at their hands entwined on the table. 'It was nice to meet a friend of Ran's.' she said, 'you're… you're the first I've, I've met. I'll' she closed her eyes for a moment, "I'll see you Ran. Take care of yourself.' She turned and left.

Ran turned back to Yohji as Sakura walked away. He cleared his throat and took a sip of his drink. He looked up to see Yohji watching him intently. 'what?' he asked without thinking.

Yohji narrowed his eyes, then smiled. 'are you okay?' he asked, tilting his head. 'it's been... quite an evening these last few hours.' He smiled again as Ran looked down with a slight blush. Yohji reached across the table to lightly caress Ran's neck. 'you look tired Ran. I'm sorry.' He dropped his hand down to trace circles over the back of Ran's hand still entwined with his own on the tabletop.

Ran sighed. 'it's been... a long day.'

'Tell me about it?' Yohji asked quietly.

Ran stilled a moment, his eyes searching Yohji's face. Finally, having seemed to see something he found reassuring, he nodded. 'I, I don't generally show so much emotion as has been displayed this night. I am... more... reticent, private, than you may believe from earlier. ' he coughed lightly. 'I... I knew that you would be playing at Indulgence tonight, obviously. I... had.. admitted to myself my... interest. I also knew that you are comfortable dating both men and women.' He cleared his throat. 'I was scheduled off this weekend, and... wanted to, to meet you. I-' he shook, just slightly, as he forced himself to look at Yohji steadily. 'I wanted to... get to know you.' Ran stopped, taking a drink from his latte. 'knowing you'd dated men before, I ... I asked around, just a bit, discreetly, as to your... personality. I ignore media for the most part. I wanted to know more about who you are personally. I, however did note, from media reports, that you are often... seen with redheads. This ... gave me an.. incentive to... try.' Ran couldn't talk anymore. He lowered his eyes to the table.

Yohji raised his hand and gently lifted Ran's chin to look him in the eye. 'Ran' he whispered, 'it's OK. I'm glad you came. I'm glad we talked and ... ' he smiled and traced the back of his hand over Ran's jaw. 'I'm very glad you agreed to let me get to know you. I know it will likely be different from what you're normally used to, but, I really think it could be worth it.'

'used to?' Ran tilted his head, then shook his head. 'Yohji, I-' suddenly, he sat up straighter, growled low, 'fuck it' , and, looking Yohji in the eye, stated clearly, 'Yohji, I'm not _used_ to anything. I do social events for Krittiker, for work. I have no...' he stopped a moment, clenched his jaw and went on, 'I have no _normal_ to be used to. No comparison to make. My father is vehemently opposed to my preference and thus far I have not had the nerve to openly defy him. There has not been anyone ... worth the risk, the... difficulty. Not discounting the obvious issues that I would encounter in the first place.' He ran his fingers through his hair. 'This, this probably shouldn't happen. At the very least we would have to be discreet, very discreet. There will be repercussions you are not aware of should it get back to my father. I, I understand if you want out-'

'No.' Yohji spoke at last.

Ran drooped, eyes closed. 'I understand.' He murmured. 'Thank you Yohji for-'

'No Ran.' Yohji's warm smiling voice penetrated Ran;s despair, forcing him to look up. 'No, I don't think you do understand.' Yohji went on. ' I said no, as in don't push me away, don't back out already. Not No, you're not worth the trouble.' He leaned over a little. 'I've told you Ran, you may very well be worth any effort it takes, very worth it.' He sat back and released Ran's hand. 'I can be discreet Ran, if that's what it takes. Let's see where this goes, hmm? We can figure it out as we go.' He tilted his head, 'and what is this 'obvious' thing you keep referring to when you talk about not having dated before anyway?'

Ran scoffed at Yohji, an obvious look of disbelief crossing his features. 'Yohji, please. At least let's be honest. I know my... appearance is not, not what you would likely be drawn to, other than the red hair. I'm not oblivious to my own drawbacks. I'm glad we were able to talk, and that you've been curious enough to go along-'

'Ran. What the hell are you talking about?' Yohji cut him off. 'are you sitting there trying to tell me you are unattractive? Is that what all those little comments were about? Who in the world told you that load of bullshit and why would you believe it?' Yohji's voice went from lightly confused to slightly angry at the end. 'look Ran. Don't sit there are degrade yourself, I won't listen to it. If someone filled your head with nonsense about you not looking good, it's just that, nonsense. You are a _very, very_ sexy man Ran. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that was the reason I first agreed to even talk to you. I do have a thing for redheads. And you, you are delicious, really. But damn, Ran, you could have lime green hair and you'd still be incredibly sexy. Freaky, probably wouldn't talk to you, but still, very sexy.'

Ran's eyes flew open with shock 'What?'

'OK Ran, who was it, kids in school growing up? An early crush who wasn't interested? Who knocked you down so hard or so often you actually started to buy into it?' Yohji asked, seriously, concern and anger warring within him.

Ran dropped his eyes, not really wanting to answer, to get into the issues he had with his father this early. Surely, if Yohji realized what he was likely to really get into, he would just break it off just that much sooner.

'tell me Ran. Who was it? I meant it, it's bullshit, you are... incredible Ran. Just, breathtaking. I am very attracted to you, physically as well as more. Talking with you even this short amount of time tonight has shown me there is so much more. I am very interested in getting to know you better, to letting you get to know me. But, the physical attraction was there first. It's very there Ran.' Yohji stopped a moment, taking in Ran's obvious skeptical gaze. 'Look, never mind, you can tell me when you're ready, but I want you to put whatever they told you out of your head and listen to me – sexy, sexy, sexy.' Yohji smirked by the end of his little tirade, and let the lust and desire show clearly in his eyes. 'now, I meant it earlier. Let's date. Start a friendship first. I know, it's old fashioned, a little off from the reputation, but like I explained earlier – most of that is hype anyway. Mostly.' He smiled again, softly and sat back. 'So, where should we go on our first date, hm? You said you're off tomorrow, so am I-' he cut off as Ran's face fell. 'what now?'

'That call, earlier at the club, I have an early meeting tomorrow' Ran's face darkened. 'my father was calling to advise me of the meeting. It's...unavoidable.' Ran growled lowly, then softened 'I'm, I'm sorry.'

'Hey, it's ok' Yohji glanced at his watch. 'so, how early is early Ran. It's close to one now.'

Ran sighed, 'eight am at my office.'

'Well,' Yohji said, 'how long do you think it will be? We could get together later, after maybe.'

Ran smiled, a wider, brighter smile than Yohji had seen yet. An almost full smile. 'I'd like that Yohji, really.' Ran reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a business card, scribbling on the back. 'this is my cell. Call me say, around two, or three? I should be done by then. We can go wherever you like, and then, maybe dinner?'

'yeah, that sounds good.' Yohji answered. 'Maybe we should call it a night. Sleep on it. I don't know about you, but these last few hours on this little emotional roller coaster have about worn me out. What say we conclude this evening and start over tomorrow?'

'yes.' Ran stood. 'I'll get the check and we-' Yohji grabbed his wrist softly. 'wait Ran, just... just one more thing.'

'what?' Ran asked expectantly as he sat back down.

'Before we go our separate ways, I just have one last question.' Yohji said quietly, watching Ran.

'sure Yohji, ask me anything.' Ran answered, curious.

Yohji watched Ran's face closely as he asked softly, 'Ran, who's Aya?' Yohji was glad he'd been intent. Ran's eyes slammed closed, but not before Yohji caught a flash of anguish. 'Ran?' Ran had paled to an almost ghostly white and he trembled slightly, his fists clenched tight and he swallowed. 'Are you ok?' Yohji felt like an idiot. He'd seen the pain earlier when the girl spoke about Aya. He should have just left it alone. 'Ran. I'm sorry. Forget it OK? Just-'

Ran kept his eyes closed, but spoke quietly, cutting into Yohji's reassurance. 'my sister' he rasped, voice laced with pain he obviously tried to contain. 'she's... she's my sister.' He took a very deep breath, then opened his eyes. 'Aya's my little sister. She-' his breath hitched briefly, and he drew his arms tightly about himself, as though to keep himself from falling apart. 'she's in a .. a coma.' He whispered, barely voicing that phrase aloud. 'She's been asleep for a...very, long time. Over a year.' His whisper grew in strength, but still quiet. He blinked and looked up to see Yohji's concerned eyes watching him closely. 'she and Sakura went to school together. They were best friends. Sakura, she's been ... very good to Aya, all this time.' His voice faded at the end. He visibly shook himself and sat up straighter. Clearing his throat, he began again. 'Aya was...hit by a truck while we were riding bicycles on her, on her birthday. The guy was drunk, he... he said he never saw her. She ... she flew quite, quite a distance. She hit her head. Her helmet kept her from being killed, but, well, she has not woken since. ' Ran's voice broke, and tears began to build in his eyes as he went on, 'They, they say...say she probably, won't-' Ran's grip about his body grew tighter as he tried hard to hold on. God, he hadn't said that out loud for a long, long time. Anyone who knew him, knew of Aya's situation. He visited her, he talked to her, but always with that fierce hope. He had not had to relive her injury or acknowledge the doctor's pessimism to anyone else for so long. He dimly registered a presence behind him, but rather than responding according to his martial arts training, acknowledging, preparing to defend, he barely felt it so intense was his pain in his gut. He could barely breathe...

'Ran.' Yohji soothed as he reached around, taking Ran in his arms, 'god Ran, I'm sorry, so sorry. I'm a real idiot, I shouldn't have asked such a question. Shhh, it's ok, I'm here Ran, you're not alone.' Yohji continued to soothe, whispering nothings, comforting as well as he could.

Ran's trembling began to ease and he took a shuddering, deep breath. He let himself lean into that strong, warm embrace, relishing the feel of Yohji stroking his hair, his back. This felt so wonderful, surrounded by Yohji's warmth and strength. Yohji's scent enveloped him, that beautiful voice calming and soothing. He took another full breath and sat up a little. Yohji let go slowly, still rubbing a hand over Ran's back. He reached around Ran and grabbed the small glass of water on the table. 'Here, take a drink.'

'Thank you Yohji, really.' Ran sat up more fully.

'Are you ok?' Yohji's obvious warm concern washed over Ran.

'It's just been a while since I spoke of it. I'm sorry, you really didn't need to see that. Forgive me, please'

'oh yes I did,' Yohji answered grimly and Ran looked up surprised. 'don't hide from me Ran, don't close up. I'd rather see that part of you, be able to be there for you, to hold you as you face it, to support you through it, than to see that cold deadness from earlier in the car. Locking up your pain will only make the deadness spread faster.'

Ran gasped, his eyes snapping to Yohji's 'how-'

Yohji's eyes softened and he again traced his fingers over the curve of Ran's jaw, his thumb caressing Ran's lips. 'How did I know it was spreading, taking over, becoming more frequent, easier to give in to? I think Ran, you need to let someone to see _you_ , to feel with you, to see what you feel, and respond to you, with you, before it's too late and it does take you over. It's ok to feel Ran, it's important to feel. Pulling your pain out by the roots and abolishing it will not actually make it go away, it just feeds the deadness until it grows so big, so encompassing, it takes over completely.'

'How?' Ran whispered, eyes wide. 'How could you know? That it's, that it's growing? That-'

'That it's taking you over? That you're more dead than alive much of the time? That you're losing yourself or your ability to care about anything, to want to feel anything?' Yohji closed his eyes. He began to trace circles on the table top. Then sighing he answered. 'I've seen it before Ran. I hated it. I couldn't stop it, couldn't fight it. Right.' He sat up straight, crossing his arms over his chest and looked Ran in the eye. 'Well, fair is fair I guess.' Ran looked so tired. A little confused. And heartwrenchingly beautiful. Yohji smiled softly, warmly. 'Man, these runaway emotional rollercoasters sure tend to exhaust their riders huh, Ran?' Yohji smiled a self mocking crook of a smile and shook his head ever so slightly. 'my turn I guess, to take a short ride. To give you a part of myself.' Yohji closed his eyes, taking a short, quick breath, he kept his eyes closed as he began. 'I almost married, almost two years ago.'

Yohji felt Ran stir slightly, but kept his eyes closed as he continued. 'Asuka was beautiful, amazing. Loving, funny, smart, so smart... she was always so, carefree, so open, happy. She loved life and everyone around her felt that love rolling off her. You had to love her back. You just had to and, God, I did... so much.' He whispered at the end, then cleared his throat. His fists clenched as he went on. 'she ... she was, attacked, one night after work. I, I was supposed to pick her up, but I got sidetracked, picking out a stupid guitar.' He growled that part, self loathing evident in his tone. 'I almost quit music after, but, I know that's not what she would have wanted. She didn't blame me, but I sure did, yes... very much.' He shook his head and went on. 'I was late, just a little over twenty minutes or so. Rather than wait for me, being her independent self, Asuka decided to start walking, figuring I'd catch up. When I got there, they told me she'd gone ahead and I started after her. A bit down the way I heard,... heard her screaming.' He quickly opened his eyes, as though the sights in his own head were to be avoided. His voice dropped, low, pain lacing every word, 'she... she was in the next alley. They... they hurt her, were hurting..I ... I saw.' He growled, 'I almost killed them. I wish I _had_ killed them, all three of them.' He stopped, swallowed and took a breath. He swiped the palms of his hands over his stinging eyes and looked to Ran. Wide eyed, concern evident, one hand lifted slightly as though to reach for Yohji.

'she wouldn't let me help her Ran. She closed off completely. Wouldn't talk, wouldn't feel. She said once that if she didn't feel, she didn't hurt and it would go away. She began to turn dead, cold, almost exactly the same cold, deadness you showed in the car. Only, more... brittle, I think. Finally, it grew to be too much for her, I guess. About, five months after the attack, she... I found her...' Yohji couldn't breathe. He tried to catch his breath, to get some control, but he just couldn't.

This time it was Ran's strong arms pulling Yohji into his embrace. He held Yohji tightly in his arms. 'Yohji,' Ran's deep voice calmed Yohji's breathing, 'Yohji, it's ok. I know, I do. The helplessness, the pain. It's ok.' He held tighter, murmuring in Yohji's ear. 'it's ok.' He felt Yohji's heart rate slow, his breathing even out. Slowly Yohji came to himself, but made no move to pull away. Instead he leaned back a bit, bringing his own arms down to lay along Ran's, entwining their fingers. 'it's been a while Ran, since I've told anyone. I'm ok. It was a long time ago. It just still, hurts. I loved her, very much.' He sat for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being held, strong arms holding him securely. He sighed and looked up. 'Thanks Ran, really.' He sat up a little straighter. 'well, it has been quite a night Ran. And now, I feel as exhausted as you look.' He chuckled, 'and, from the little I've come to know you, I'm guessing if you _look_ tired, you must be damn near dead, huh?' he smirked and pulled back, patting Ran's shoulder. 'so, let's call it a night, huh? We'll start over tomorrow. Do this the _normal_ way.' He smiled.

'yes' Ran answered, standing, rolling his shoulders. As normal as can be, for us, at any rate.' He smiled a very small smile. 'let me get the check, I'll be right back.' Ran left Yohji a bit to collect himself. He returned a few moments later and held out to Yohji an envelope.

'what's this?' Yohji asked

Looking a little sheepish, Ran answered 'well, it's rather late. I sent Yuri home earlier, I figured we could take a cab. Do, do you mind?'

'no, that's fine. No problem' Yohji answered, perplexed, 'but still, what's this?'

'Well. That's fare, for the cab, and...' Ran dropped his eyes, 'and some cash, for.. for tomorrow's... date.' He took a quick breath. ' I figured, you pick, you... plan things, and ... I can pay for it.' He anxiously looked at Yohji. 'please, let me do this. Without it being awkward. Please? Money means nothing to me Yohji. It's a tool. A means to an end. I don't... don't want it to be a problem.' He dropped his gaze back to the floor.

'Ran.' Yohji stood and raised Ran's chin to look at him. 'it's fine Ran. That's a good plan.' He grinned. 'really. I'll plan the best dates ever. Leave it to me.'

Ran breathed easier, that small special smile making a quick appearance. They went out front, signaling for two cabs. Yohji was floored when Ran lightly cupped the back of his head, bringing him in for a soft, slow kiss. His tongue just barely tracing over Yohji's, both hands playing lightly in Yohji's hair. Just as Yohji began to heat up, considering taking the kiss a little further, Ran pulled back, nipping a bit at Yohji's lip, and pressing their foreheads together. 'Yohji' he breathed, and Yohji almost melted to hear his name sound that way, heat pooling in his groin. He moaned lightly. 'I've wanted to do that for... a long time.' Ran breathed, his sultry, breathless voice continuing as the fog began to clear from Yohji's mind. 'a very long time.' Ran leaned in, taking one more soft, light kiss, then pulling back. He looked up at Yohji with such a look as Yohji'd never seen before. A light of happiness sparkling in his eyes, a gentle blush over his face, his lips parted the slightest bit, and that special smile ghosting over his features. Behind the sparkle was a vulnerability, as though the boldness was engineered. A dusting of fear and worry, doubt, insecurity maybe, hovering deep in those eyes behind the shy sparkle.

'oh Ran' Yohji whispered, 'damn you're beautiful.' He kissed each of Ran's eyes, cupping his face in his hands. 'tomorrow Baby. Tomorrow will be so good, I promise.' He kissed the top of Ran's head and stepped back a full step. 'Ran.' He spoke firmly. 'if... If I don't go, now, I'm gonna take this budding friendship to a whole new level, way, way too fast.' He smiled. 'tomorrow. Tomorrow we date.' He took his hands away from Ran and stuffed them in his pockets. 'let's go on home for now. I'll call tomorrow. Sleep well Ran, and think of me.' Yohji blew Ran a light kiss and entered his cab.

Ran watched the cab drive away, still not quite believing tonight. He shook himself and entered his own cab. 'The Garden Towers' he told the cabbie and sat back for the ride home.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL **

****

** CHAPTER 2 **

****

Ran concluded the Mamaru contract meeting just after noon. He escorted the group from the building and stopped at the in house café on the ground floor to pick up a soup and sandwich for a light lunch. Just as he returned to his office, his cell rang. Ran didn’t recognize the number, but answered, cradling the phone to his shoulder as he sat out his soup. ‘Fujimaiya here’

 

‘hey babe.’ Ran gasped as Yohji’s warm, smiling voice brought to mind those beautiful eyes, that mouth, the feel of Yohji’s arms.... The warmth Ran had held at bay all morning..... ‘Yohji’ he breathed as he sat, the smile he couldn’t keep from his voice almost showing on his face. ‘you called’

 

‘of course I called Ran,’ Yohji chuckled, ‘a little early, I admit, but I hoped you wouldn’t mind. You busy?’

 

‘no, actually.’ Ran answered, ‘Mamaru’s group just left. I was just sitting down to some lunch. How’s your day going?’ Ran took a bite of his sandwich.

 

‘Well, actually pretty good. Unlike you, I had the morning off. Slept in nice and late. But, I thought of you as I woke. Especially since I couldn’t get your out of my head all night.’ Yohji’s voice dropped, grown husky by the end, ‘took forever to fall asleep Ran. I’ve been looking forward to see you again. It took me some thought, but I think I have hit on the perfect forum for our first date. I just have one question.’

 

‘what’s that Yohji? And what have you planned?’ Ran asked, blushing at Yohji’s words about thinking of him. Ran had barely slept for thinking of those kisses, the feelings Yohji awoke in him. He’d wanted more, shamelessly wanted so much more. He hadn’t dared act on it, but gods he’d wanted Yohji. The feeling of being held in that warm, strong embrace last night had almost undone him. And then, to take Yohji into his own arms, to be able to hold him tight, to give the comfort Yohji’d so obviously needed at the time. It had taken all Ran’s strength to step back and not embarrass himself by asking Yohji for more right then. He still couldn’t quite believe Yohji’s assertion that they should date first. A part of him was convinced Yohji’d been trying to let Ran down easy, to give himself a way out. He had not been convinced Yohji would call, or if he did, that it wouldn’t be to cancel.... But here he was, saying he’d thought if Ran too, was looking forward to their date.....

 

‘...like, Ran?’ Ran shook himself as he realized Yohji had asked him a question and he’d missed it. ‘I’m sorry, Yohji, what? I didn’t quite hear you. Please, what did you ask?’

 

‘I wondered what your tastes are, for dinner. We never talked last night about what you like, besides vanilla bean lattes anyway,’ Yohji chuckled, ‘any special likes, dislikes, or allergies I should know about.’ Yohji sounded genuinely curious.

 

‘mmm, no, no allergies or anything.’ Ran assured. ‘I.... I don’t really like many fried foods, I’m sorry.’

 

‘sorry? Why? For not liking something?’ Yohji asked. “it’s ok Ran, really, that’s why I asked. How am I gonna know otherwise? So, no greasy diners. I think I can manage that. Anything else?’

 

Yohji didn’t sound frustrated or angry, just... interested. Ran ventured another opinion. ‘well, I do like grilled food. Things cooked over the fire, steak, seafood, almost anything on a grill. I know, being Japanese, it may seem ...strange, but.... I don’t really like... I don’t like sushi. We moved to New York when I was very young. I just never got... got a taste for it. Or anything very spicy like, really hot, curry or Thai foods, like that. Is..... is that ok?’

 

‘Ran’ Yohji laughed, ‘yes, it’s OK. I can’t know what you like or enjoy, or what you don’t like if you don’t tell me. I can’t plan our dates so you will enjoy them if I don’t know your tastes.’ Yohji’s voice dropped again, ‘I meant it Ran, last night, I want to get to know you. Your likes, dislikes, interests, this is part of you too. It’ll be good Ran, you’ll see.’ He cleared his throat, ‘so, what time can you get away? Where do you want to meet up? I’ll drive.’

 

‘Well,’ Ran swallowed his bite of sandwich, ‘Do you know where the Krittiker offices are?’

 

“yeah,’ Yohji answered. ‘Actually, I do. You’re in the same building as Omi’s dad, the computer guru.

 

‘Omi? Computer guru?,’ Ran asked, ‘Do you mean Takatori Technical Services? Your friend is the son of Reiji Takatori’

 

‘Yeah. You know him?’ Yohji asked.

 

‘No, no. Only by reputation. He’s said to be a brilliant businessman, and his son is said to be a true computer prodigy. How do you know him?’

 

‘Omi’s our drummer and sound guy.’ Yohji explained. ‘he’s an amazing kid. His dad’s alright, for a CEO. Omi has worked there in the software department sometimes to pay for band equipment and such when gigs were slow. He won’t let his dad finance his choices. He’s a good kid, responsible, level headed – not your typical rock n roll drummer.’ Yohji laughed ruefully, ‘in fact, none of WEISS could be considered typical for the rock scene... Anyway, yeah. I know where the offices are. Did you want me to pick you up there? Sure it wont be a problem?’

 

‘No, no. Not here, not .... not yet.’ Ran answered. ‘Eventually, if we spend much time together, it will be reported that we’ve become friends, at least. Being a rarity for me, this makes it newsworthy.’ Ran sighed softly, ‘I’d like to keep things low key as long as we can, if that’s alright. Actually, I was using the building as a landmark. There is a parking tower just north of here. On the fifth floor, there’s a small bookstore near the elevators. I could meet you there, if that’s OK?’ Ran finished his bottled water and began to clear his desk. ‘what time would you like to meet? I’m actually finished here, I was basically waiting for your call.’

 

‘well then, Baby, let’s get his show on the road!’ Yohji’s smile was obvious in his response. “what are you wearing Ran?’ he asked suddenly, catching Ran by surprise.

 

‘what? Yohji!’ Ran gasped. ‘um.. I’ he sputtered

 

‘Ran,’ Yohji laughed, it’s ok. I didn’t mean it like that.’ He chuckled again, then his voice dropped to a husky purr, ‘I’ll save that for at least the third date beautiful’

 

‘Yohji’ Ran gasped

 

‘no, no really. It’s ok.’ Yohji’s smirk came through clearly in his voice. ‘I asked because there’s a killer car show at the convention center down on fulton this weekend. I had not had any plan in place last night, so we didn’t really talk about dress code or anything. They’re gonna roll out some concept cars this afternoon and I figured, depending on what kind of meeting you’d had this morning, a suit might not be the most comfortable outfit for a car show. Not to mention the trying to be discreet part. I’d imagine you dressed up in an Armani suit would be a sight to see. Drooling zombies left behind in your wake all over the place. Damn. ’ Yohji paused, then purred, ‘so Ran babe, what _are_ you wearing?’ his seductive leer was obvious, then he laughed. An open, free beautiful warm laugh.

 

Ran felt a smile come across his face, almost a laugh of his own in response. ‘sorry babe,’ Yohji said, ‘I guess I _couldn’t_ wait until the third date after all.’

 

this time Ran did laugh, a short light laugh, but still.... he couldn’t help the smile on his face as he answered, and was sure Yohji could hear it in his voice as he responded, ‘Yohji, you’re-‘

 

‘sexy, incredible, the man of your dreams?’ Yohji cut in quickly.

 

‘crazy!’ Ran blurted, ‘but, in a good way, I think.’ He cleared his throat, ‘any way, yes I am wearing a suit actually-‘

 

‘damn, I bet you look hot’ Yohji cut in again.

 

Ran shook his head, ‘my apartment is on the way there. If you don’t mind, we could stop off and I could change.’

 

‘sounds like a plan, beautiful. I’m actually not far from you now.’ Yohji said, ‘if you’re sure you can cut out, I’ll head on over. Meet you at the elevator book store in 15 minutes?’

 

‘that’s fine Yohji,’ Ran answered, ‘I’ll just close up here and head over.’

 

‘okay babe, see you there then. Bye’ Yohji hung up.

 

Ran quickly finished off his soup and shut down his computer. Making certain his files were in order for the morning, he locked his office and entered the elevator. Just as the doors closed, his cell rang again. Imagining Yohji calling with some other inanity. Ran smiled and answered the phone. ‘This is Ran’ he answered warmly, letting the smile on his lips convey through his voice.

 

‘well. You sound pleased with yourself,’ his father’s cruel disdainful voice snapped at him, like a bucket of ice water dumped on him it erased any warmth he’d built in talking with Yohji. ‘does that mean you wrapped that Mamaru kid? It’d better mean that Ran.’ His father’s sneer and contempt penetrated Ran’s shock.

 

Ran almost groaned aloud and just caught it. He sighed silently, berating himself, and vowed to never again answer without checking first. ‘yes father,’ he responded, the flat emotionless Ran back, showing in his voice. ‘everything is sealed, Ill have copies of everything in your office in the morning.’

 

‘you’d better boy.’ His father replied, ‘well, I guess you can do something right, if you’re given enough direction. Very well, I expect everything on my desk by ten. And it had better all be in order boy, just like I told you.’ He hung up then.

 

Ran shoved the cell in his pocket as he made his way out of the building to the sidewalk. He walked briskly, blind to his surroundings, his good mood gone, fists clenched. He took deep breaths trying to calm himself. His tolerance of his father’s derision and scorn had been steadily decreasing over the last few months. As Aya continued to sleep and medical wisdom more and more pointed to her condition being permanent, Ran found his temper growing to be more and more of an issue. His coldness with associates grew, and he knew he was referred to as ice prince, or worse, in the field. Seen as uncaring, or outright arrogant, few would willingly interact with him. Those in the business long enough knew his musical ear to be flawless, perfect pitch and an uncanny ability to detect that special something, his opinion was still sought out. But, no one was willing or inclined in any way to try to get beneath the aloof exterior he projected. To see him, who he was. Of course, he didn’t encourage such interaction. Preferring to hold himself apart. If he didn’t let himself feel anything, he _didn’t_ feel anything – so he’d told himself since the first doctor tried to tell him to give up on Aya, told him she couldn’t hear him anyway and never would. His father’s glee at pointing this out to him over and over, his gloating smugness as he mocked Ran’s hope and anguish over Aya had motivated Ran to lock himself away then, refusing to feel or show any emotion to any but Aya. Refusing to give his father any more weapons to use against him. At last he’d moved out a few months ago. Finally getting his own apartment immediately after the trust account from his mother’s death had been released to him upon his twenty first birthday back in February. He’d wasted no time moving out on his own and found some freedom, time for himself, a measure of happiness, despite Aya’s condition. But the longer she slept, the deeper he buried inside himself, and the stronger is temper fought for release. He’d even considered painting again in those rear occasions he had time. It calmed him. He’d truly missed it, not having painted since Aya’s injury. She’d always loved to watch him paint. He hadn’t been able to bear it since..... Maybe soon he would. He had an empty room. He’d have to get some supplies.....

 

Ran wished, not for the first time, that he could get away from his father’s control over his life. Moving out had helped, giving him a sense of control. And, with the trust account he no longer _needed_ to work for Krittiker, but his father had made it very clear, that as Aya’s sole parent and guardian, being in complete control of her care, if Ran stepped out of line he would not be permitted to see her. He’d even hinted at moving her to some low seedy nursing home place to keep Ran in line, following orders. Ran’s chest tightened at the thought. He adored Aya, his beautiful baby sister, not truly _that_ much younger than him, almost 4 years, but she’d always had a hero worship love for him, especially after their mother died when they were so young. Only ten, Ran had tried so hard to protect six year old Aya, to be the strength for her their father should have been...... gods he missed her. She loved him, just him, not what he could do, how he could benefit her, not his money or his prestige, power, just... him. She always made him laugh, she was so beautiful innocent, loving. Damn. His father knew, Ran would do _nothing_ to endanger her. His moving out was an illusion his father allowed him to have, but he completely owned Ran as long as Aya slept. Even though she would be eighteen next month, being comatose meant she had an assigned guardian until, or unless, she awoke and could make rational choices. The court had provided that should she wake, and be lucid, she would become her own adult, but until such time, her father owned her, and thereby, Ran. He never failed to make certain Ran was fully aware of this. Imposing his will in Ran’s work schedule, travel plans, media presence, even in the area of Ran’s love life, nonexistent as it was. His father felt Ran to be “abomination enough thank you,” without flaunting his sexual preferences. If Ran felt urges beyond his ability to control, he’d been bluntly advised, he was certainly wealthy enough to retain a whore of sufficient discretion. He never wanted to hear of any indiscretions on Ran’s part, in the press or through the business gossip mills, flaunting his abberations. Ran had never considered prostitution. He wanted love, not ....not..... a whore. He’d successfully buried his desires, not truly having experienced much anyway, since Aya’s injury. At first being totally numb, for so long after, and now, his life revolved around work and her. Knowing the total deadlock this was with his father, he’d never even considered dating, or love. He hadn’t allowed himself to feel anything in so long.

 

Then, he’d seen Yohji. Before the Mercury competition, he’d seen a demo of WEISS. First that warm tenor had enveloped him. He’d had to _see_ who that beautiful, expressive voice belonged to. Watching the tape he’d been spellbound. Yohji was ... simply.... mouthwatering, gorgeous, sexy, just..... incredible. Ran had even, for a brief second, considered defiance. But, it didn’t last long. He was fully aware that his father would not hesitate with Aya. The only reason she got the care she did was his father’s fear of losing face. Imagine what people would think if it were known he didn’t care for his beautiful daughter properly. He simply used the majority of Ran’s “salary” to finance it, reducing the gall. Ran didn’t care in the least, he could have it all if it meant Aya was well cared for....

 

Ran considered again what the hell he was thinking with Yohji. He was .... drawn to Yohji. It scared him how much he almost.....needed Yohji, even before they’d met, spoken. He’d heard of love at first sight, but had always scoffed, ridiculous. Now, he wasn’t so sure. From the first sight on that demo, he’d found himself wanting to feel, just..... wanting. Then, as he grew to know more of who Yohji was, as a person, and then..... to actually talk to him, touch him, **_kiss him_**. Damn. Ran was hooked and really wasn’t sure what to do. He couldn’t possibly be _in love_ – not already. C’mon! He didn’t even know Yohji, not yet. Just..... Ran was scared, he was willing to risk things for a chance with Yohji, and damn, that scared him. He’d explained they would have to be discreet.... Yohji seemed to understand. He’d have to find a way to... impress on Yohji a bit more, how ... how careful they would have to be, without Yohji getting the wrong impression that it was in some way shame of him. Well, it was really too early to worry too much... Now that he lived alone, it would be expected he would develop friendships...... surely?. They could be friends. A car show was perfectly acceptable for two men to visit together. They had many similar interests, surely Yohji could find things that they could do to spend time together as friends would. New york was a very busy place, he could go out in public without too much danger of instant recognition as long as they avoided the club scene.... Ran sighed. He’d been in such a good mood. Damn his father.

 

Ran turned into the parking garage and took the elevator to the fifth floor. Entering the small book store, Ran made his way to the cooking section near the entrance. Cooking was another hobby Ran really enjoyed, one that now he lived on his own he was actually able to pursue. He smiled. He’d have to learn what Yohji liked so he could cook for him. The thought of Yohji, in his apartment, cooking for Yohji, maybe ... making him breakfast.... after..... a short honk startled Ran out of his reverie. He looked up quickly and was floored to see Yohji, grinning behind the wheel of a beautiful sleek, midnight blue Corvette convertible.

 

Yohji beamed at Ran’s dropped jaw. As Ran remained rooted to the spot, Yohji gave another quick tap to his horn, winked, and crooked a finger to Ran to “come here.” Ran blinked, coughed lightly, and returned the cookbook to the shelf. As he exited the store, approaching Yohji, Yohji called out, ‘Beautiful, isn’t she?’ still silent, Ran got in the car. He turned to Yohji, confused as Yohji steered through the lot. ‘oh, I know,’ Yohji smiled as he cut off any comment Ran could make, ‘what the hell? – right?’ Yohji smirked quickly as he navigated the spiral exit ramp. ‘which way Ran?’ he asked as he neared the exit. Ran gave quick directions to the Garden Towers and Yohji went on. ‘Well, it’s like this, remember how I explained my parents and their slight obsession with budgets as I grew up?’ Ran nodded, still confused, ‘ well,’ Yohji said, ‘ they taught me from a very young age, how to handle money, a budget, don’t spend more than you make, etc....’ he took a deep breath, ‘they were both killed in a car crash, three years ago, when I was nineteen, just after I’d moved out on my own.’

 

Ran gasped, ‘oh! Yohji! I’m so sorry.’

 

‘yeah, well so am I.’ Yohji answered, ‘but, it’s been long enough I can talk about it and there’s more to the story’ he smile warmly at Ran. ‘as I said, my parents always taught me, all my life, you want something, you work for it. Don’t spend on silly stuff, make sure you need it, the whole responsibility bit. I wasn’t too shocked then, shortly after their death when this lawyer calls me out of the blue to tell me they’d left a will, and to come see him. But you can imagine my surprise when he gave me a packet of paperwork and the keys to this beauty.’

 

Ran’s eyes flew open wide and he seemed a bit stunned, ‘they... they left you..a Corvette?’

 

Yohji laughed. ‘yeah. That was pretty much my reaction too. I didn’t even know they had life insurance. The will left provision that, on the off chance they both died together, the life insurance was to be used to buy this. My dad even specified the color, the perks, even the sound system. It’s........... well, every since I was a kid, like...five, I always, always wanted a metallic blue Corvette with white leather interior. They bought me a model kit when I was eleven, and even a cast model when I was sixteen.’ Yohji smiled a warm, far away smile ‘my dad, he was so upset they couldn’t afford to get me a car “every kid should get a car when he’s 16” he’d said, “we just can’t do it Yohji, I’m sorry...” then he gave me the die cast, it’s beautiful. I still have it. Anyway, my dad updated specifics with the lawyer every three months. They -’ he cut off for a second, clearing his throat, ‘they even wrote me letters, every three months since I was 15, they delivered these letters to that lawyer. If they’d... if they’d lived they were gonna give me the letters when I was twenty one.’

 

Yohji stopped a moment, obviously lost in thoughts Ran couldn’t imagine. Gods, to have such momentos of their love, he’d give almost anything to have something like that from his mother, but, she’d been so sick, so suddenly, then for so long.... she couldn’t have written if she’d wanted to. Ran shook his head, then quietly asked the question that was just killing him, ‘Yohji? I.... I don’t mean to sound... rude, but – why would your parents use their life insurance for a sports car?’

 

Yohji laughed. ‘yeah, I asked that too, then I read the letters. First there was one answering that question.’ He sobered, ‘dad explained that, in life, unless I made it, really made it, in music, there would always be bills. I’d always have a budget. A big wad of cash all at once might go to my head, make me forget things. Besides, again unless I made it big, a ‘vette was something I would never be able to have. They wanted to give me something special to remember them, as if I could forget them.... anyway, a dream. Something they could never ever give to me, and that I would likely never be able to have for myself. Dad set it up, the title’s non-transferable. I couldn’t sell her if I wanted to. A trust account was set up for parking, insurance, maintenance and stuff until I’m thirty. After that, I’m on my own. There was a bit of a cushion left, they didn’t want me living in the car,’ he laughed ‘but, they figured, they’d taught me to take care of myself, to work, to be a man. I would be able to handle my life. And I do, I don’t waste money, I have a budget, but I’m not a skin flint either. I am determined to live and enjoy life every day and to make them proud.’ Again, that warm smile lit up his face. ‘as much as I love this baby, and I do Ran, really, trust me, I do.... still, it’s the letters I treasure more. Every three months, from the time I was fifteen until the week before they died, they each wrote to me.’ He pulled into the entrance of the Garden towers. ‘My parents were loving, amazing, people. But, they didn’t lavish praise or compliments. I mean, I knew they loved me, but I didn’t ...... I never.... knew just, how, you know? My dad especially..... he was proud of me, they both were, but... my dad, he just never..... never _said_ things like that. To have it, written down.... I treasure those letters so much. Anyway,’ he grinned, ‘ that is why I have a fucking gorgeous car and live in a cheap, rat ass apartment with three other guys. Well, cheap for New york anyway’ he laughed again. ‘we do alright, but.. well,’ he looked around, ‘it certainly is nothing like this place Ran, I’ll tell you that.’ He parked near the entrance in the short term parking area.

 

They climbed from the car and Ran trailed his hand over the fender and hood. ‘she really is beautiful Yohji.’ He said quietly, taking a step back to take in the Centerline wheels, the elegant pinstriping along the side of the car. ‘Really.’

 

‘yeah,’ Yohji breathed, ‘I think so too.’ He grinned, ‘smooth, fast, perfect. C’mon,’ he turned toward the entrance, ‘let’s get you changed so we can hit the show.’

 

Ran led the way inside, then stopped briefly to introduce Yohji to the doorman. ‘John, this is Yohji Kudoh. He’s a friend of mine and is to be admitted entrance at any time. Please make sure his name is noted in the file.’

 

John looked a bit taken aback, but noted Yohji’s name in the appropriate places, verifying spelling, etc. ‘Mr. Kudoh. It may take a few times of showing ID until all the guys know, but please take no offence.’

 

‘Hey, no problem man, thanks.’ Yohji smiled that friendly, open to everyone smile of his and Ran knew John was instantly won over. He noted the slight confusion on John’s face as he looked from Yohji to Ran, quickly suppressed. As they entered the elevator Ran smirked, just a bit.

 

‘what gorgeous,’ Yohji asked after the doors were closed, ‘what’s so funny?’

 

‘did you see the look on John’s face?’ Ran asked, ‘you wont have to show ID more than once unless there’s a supervisor or a robbery or something, I guarantee it. Your name and description will be well known to all agents by the end of the day, I’m sure.’

 

Yohji tilted his head, ‘and why is that, Ran?’ he asked quietly, his own suspicion in the back of his mind. He’d bet he was the first friend of Ran’s that guard had been introduced to.

 

Ran turned to Yohji, smirk gone. ‘you’re the only name on my list Yohji. I have never introduced anyone here, not even my father’s name is listed. You will be the first person to view my home since the movers delivered the furniture.’

Yohji blinked, the first to... ‘you mean, you have _no one?_ No family.... no one?’

 

Ran sighed, ‘I......... Yohji ..... it doesn’t matter Yohji’

 

‘the hell it doesn’t’ Yohji growled, then frowned, ‘no **_wonder_** you were so-‘ he cut off abruptly, looking away.

 

‘so what Yohji?’ Ran growled back, ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

 

Now Yohji sighed. Before he could reply, the elevator opened. As they exited, Ran prompted again, ‘so what Yohji? No wonder I was so what?’ they stopped outside Ran’s door and he turned to Yohji. Wary, a little angry, and... hurt, if Yohji was any judge.

 

They were alone. Yohji reached out to cup the side of Ran’s face, grateful that he, almost instinctively it seemed, curled into the touch. ‘Ran.’ Yohji spoke quietly. ‘It’s OK. I was just..... I meant...’ he sighed, ‘it was no wonder you had to fight the apathy, the coldness I glimpsed last night.’ He pulled Ran in closer, slowly. ‘if you are alone Ran, of course it’s hard to fight it. Why would you? It’s easier not to feel if you’re alone. I’d give in too, if I didn’t have people who care for me.’ He took a deep breath, hugged Ran tightly, and stepped back. ‘Now. C’mon Babe, show off your castle’ he grinned, ‘let me be the first to get the tour. I promise to ooh and ahh in all the right places.’

 

Ran stood there a moment, the hurt still in his eyes, but less now, overshadowed with confusion. ‘Ran, really, it’s ok’ Yohji reassured, ‘Besides, you’re young, right? Younger than me, I’m guessing. This is your first place, isn’t it? Everyone should get to show off their first place Ran, it’s like a rule.’ Yohji let himself smile, and continued to caress Ran’s arm, though inside he wanted to rage against circumstances that had left this man so alone. He’d glimpsed the passion that was Ran last night, he desperately wanted to see that again, but no wonder it was so buried. To be completely isolated, fearful for his beloved sister, and the bastard of a father he had.... Yohji’d done a little digging this morning, he had some clue as to the bastard that was Persia of Krittiker.

 

Ran lightly shook himself, breaking Yohji out of his little sidetrip before his anger could bleed through, thankfully. Ran turned to unlock the door, answering Yohji’s earlier question. ‘Yes. I am younger than you. I turned twenty one in February. And, yes, this is my first home. I’d always thought Aya would decorate, but.... she was asleep by then. I ... tried to remember .... what we’d planned, for my move out.’ His voice had dropped so low by the end, Yohji could barely make out what he’d said. Ran took a breath and stood straight. ‘well then, Yohji,’ he pushed the door open and took a step back. ‘welcome to my home.’

 

Yohji stepped inside and his eyes widened. The entryway revealed an open, spacious living room, hard wood, oak flooring throughout as far as Yohji could tell. The eye was immediately drawn to the far wall, taken up by a large picture window framing the New York Skyline and the Brooklyn Bridge in the distance. There was a floor rug in front of the window, with a deep smoke grey suede sofa and chairs framing an onyx and glass coffee table. Tasteful Japanese décor filled the room in the form of wall hangings and sculptures, as well as two beautifully etched katanas bracketed above the fireplace that took up the far left wall. The entryway to the hall and kitchen could be seen to the right. Yohji stepped in further to allow Ran to enter and close the door, and noticed a sleek TV and sound system set into a recess in the wall on the right.

 

Yohji smiled and made his way over, ‘what are you listening to?’ he murmured as he booted up the stereo. He smiled, delighted when Frank’s crooning voice filled the room, “ _I’ve got you, under my skin, I’ve got you, deep in the heart of me”_ Yohji turned, smiling as the music played on in the background. ‘was that already in there, or did you load it after last night?’ he asked, his eyes twinkling. Ran blushed just a bit, and turned toward the hallway. ‘I put it in this morning.’

 

Yohji turned to follow Ran, leaving the song playing quietly. ‘So, go on and give me the tour, Ran. First time always comes with a tour. It’s your chance to show off.’ He smiled at Ran, making a big show of looking around. Ran smiled a bit more than the usual half smile, and shook his head at Yohji’s antics. ‘idiot.’ He sighed, ‘you _are_ crazy. Very well’ he stepped in to the kitchen. ‘ this’ he waved an arm around, ‘ is the kitchen – note the refridgerator, cabinets and stove.’ He smirked.

 

Yohji made a bid production of turning the knobs on the stove, ‘gotta make sure the appliances work’ and checking the cabinets, ‘god, Ran, don’t you have _any_ junk food?’

 

‘No Yohji, I cook all my own foods, fresh. If you have a sweet tooth, there’s fruit in the fridge I think.’ Yohji froze and looked at Ran. ‘fruit in the fridge.’ He deadpanned, ‘that’s your sweet tooth fixation, fruit. In the fridge’ he sighed, ‘Ran, I so need to get to work corrupting you, and fast.’ He waved, ‘lead on, what else is there?’

 

Ran blinked at the corrupting comment, but shrugged and turned to continue. ‘here we have the dining room, which would explain the large table and chairs in the middle of the floor.’

 

‘ha ha’ Yohji commented. They continued on, ‘this is the hallway, Ran went on, and the linen closet. Here we have a guest bathroom, and this is the spare room,’ he indicated an empty room on the right of the hallway, door open. He took a few more steps. ‘this... this is the master bedroom,’ he said, as he stood in front of the door. ‘The only remaining rooms are the living room, which you saw, and the coat closet there.’ Ran stood just outside the closed door, dropping his eyes a moment. ‘I’ll, I’ll just change real quick,’ he lifted his gaze to Yohji briefly, then dropped it back to the floor and slipped into the bedroom. Yohji just caught a large, queen bed, with a black and tan comforter combination before the door quietly closed.

 

He chuckled and turned back toward the hallway. Having kept his gaze locked on Ran as they ‘toured’ Yohji’d not really paid attention to the three paintings lining the hallway, two on one wall, one on the opposite. The two on the wall of the master bedroom were landscapes. One was a waterfall scene, sunset or sunrise, Yohji wasn’t sure, but the intense violets, orange and pinks of the sky were reflected in the falls and the water below, beautifully captured. Exotic birds perched on the rocks around the scene, and orchids or several colors decorated the grass area around the pond below the fall. The second landscape was different, a view from atop a cliff, overlooking a lush land, filled with majestic beautiful trees, and lush grasses swaying in the breeze. You could almost hear, feel the wind blowing around you. Beautiful, incredible. Yohji’s eye was caught by the frame of the other picture on the opposite wall, and he was eager to see what this painting might hold. He turned to study the artwork, and his eyes widened. A view of central park that he recognized, an area of swings near a pond with a small bridge, ducks floating over the surface. Sitting on a swing was a beautiful, raven haired young girl. She looked to be about fifteen or sixteen, just blossoming into womanhood. She was beautiful, petite, elfin or fairylike features, framing large dark eyes. Eyes that sparkled with mirth as she gazed up at fireworks exploding across a night sky. You could almost hear her laugh

 

‘that was Aya’s favorite.’ Ran’s deep, quiet voice broke into Yohji’s thoughts. He gasped and whirled, ‘she adored fireworks,’ Ran went on, his gaze locked on the painting, proud, yet etched with pain, longing. Yohji turned back and studied the girl. ‘Aya? This is your sister, Ran?’ he asked quietly

 

Ran nodded, and cleared his throat. ‘This was the fourth of July weekend, just before her birthday. She loved that her birthday was so close to the fourth. She said the fireworks were really for her.’ He smiled lightly, then his face turned cold. ‘It was only a week later she was hit. I’d finished the painting the night before and gave it to her for her birthday.’

 

Yohji gasped, ‘you... you painted this Ran?’ he whispered, awed, then turned back to the landscapes, ‘all of these?’

 

‘yes,’ Ran frowned, ‘why? I, I know they’re not-‘

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji cut him off. ‘don’t you dare stand there and say something like, “they aren’t that good,” or some bullshit like that. These, these are.... incredible Ran. Just beautiful’

 

Ran’s eyes lit up in a way Yohji hadn’t seen before, and a gleam of pride shown in his face. ‘Well, everyone needs a hobby, and I do like to paint, very much.’

 

‘hobby!’ Yohji scoffed, ‘Ran, damn, you could.... you could sell these, for some damn good money Ran. Why? Why are you scouting music when you have this much talent at something you obviously love, so much? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re in the music business, at least for now, ‘cause I get to meet you, but.............seriously, you ... you should look into painting as ... as a .. career or-‘

 

‘No.’ Ran cut him off, turning toward the living room.

 

‘No?’ Yohji turned to follow, ‘just no? no explanation or, anything? Come on Ran, give me a good reason – I mean, damn! You have serious talent. You have to love it, you’re just too good.... are there more? Do you have other paintings you’ve done? ‘

 

Ran sighed. ‘Not just no.... just,’ a flash of pain went through Ran’s face and Yohji almost regretted ever bringing it up, but Ran steeled himself and went on. ‘My father’ Yohji almost shivered at the coldness that came from Ran as he spoke of this man, ‘my father feels painting to be a colossal waste of time. And, truthfully, between Krittiker and Aya, I am pushed for time as it is.’ Ran turned to Yohji with a smirk, ‘but if you insist, I suppose I could get some supplies and get started, there wont be any time left for dating, but-‘

 

‘ok’ Yohji laughed, ‘I get it, butt out.’ He laughed and changed the subject. He knew there was more here, something to dig at later, but for now, he wanted the flirty, happy Ran back, the almost shy, confused, so so sexy Ran from last night. He leaned forward, lightly tugging on an ear tail, ‘I’ll butt out from the painting Ran, for now. He leaned in, running his nose up the edge of Ran’s jawline, taking a deep breath of the essence of Ran, as Ran trembled lightly. Yohji traced his fingers lightly over Ran’s neck and leaned in for a soft, light kiss. ‘I’d be happy, anytime, to see anything you have stroked Ran, with your paintbrush I mean,’ Yohji smirked as he stepped back, leaving Ran standing there, his breath coming just a bit faster, a light blush across his cheeks, blinking.

 

Ran watched Yohji for a moment longer, then took one firm step forward, pulling Yohji into his own embrace. Claiming Yohji’s mouth with his own, he tightened one arm around Yohji, holding Yohji’s head with the other as he devoured Yohji’s mouth. He kissed Yohji firmly, passionately, wantingly, before forcing his hands to let go, and stepping back. This time, it was Yohji blinking his way back from the edge. ‘damn Ran, you are full of surprises’ Yohji was breathless as he looked at Ran, debating this whole go out on a date thing. Ran had a slightly dazed, but smug look on his face as he turned toward the door. ‘shall we go then?’ he looked back at Yohji over his shoulder.

 

Yohji shook himself, ‘yeah, we have some hot sexy cars to ogle. Let’s get a move on.’ He leaned in to lightly graze the side of Ran’s neck as he walked past him out into the hallway, ‘Let’s go date, beautiful’

 

Ran shivered, but smiled as he locked the door and joined Yohji at the elevator.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Yohji truly enjoyed the car show with Ran. Ran’s eyes sparkled with excitement at the various beautiful cars. Yohji’d been shocked to learn that while Ran drove, he did not own his own baby. He explained he’d rented cars for weekend trips, etc. But to get around in New York, it was just more convenient to use the limo or catch a cab. That, and he’s only inherited his trust funds six months ago. With Aya and all, a car just wasn’t forefront on Ran’s mind....

 

Still, Yohji could tell, Ran was thinking. He grinned, watching Ran’s enraptured gaze caress another beauty. He’d been watching, and Ran was definitely noticing the sleek lines, the promise of power. The car smells and sounds permeating the center, Yohji was half hard himself from the atmosphere, imaging taking his baby out to let her loose. He wondered if Ran got the same rush. He glanced at Ran again. While he’d been very excited about a few, he hadn’t yet seen that special gleam he knew he got when looking at his own precious.. Wait, Ran’s gaze seemed locked on something ahead. Yohji maneuvered a bit to get a view of what had Ran so still. There on a pedestal in the corner was a beautiful, gleaming opalescent pearl white Porsche. She had deep green interior, and gold trim all around. Beautiful. Poised on a pedestal, slowly turning to reveal a glimpse through the open driver door. The gear shift had some kind of custom grip, Yohji couldn’t tell from here.... Ran made his way over as though sleepwalking, eyes for nothing around him but the Porsche. ‘Wow Ran’ Yohji breathed, she’s beautiful.’ Ran watched the car rotate, the passage then causing him to glimpse movement from the corner of his eye. There was a tv screen set up showing the Porsche hugging curves on a mountain road, letting it open up on the highway. Yohji moved over to the nearby table, taking a brochure detailing the specs, model etc. He watched Ran as he did, noting the smile growing across his face, the twitch of his hand seeming to wish for a gear shift. Yohji looked again as the car rotated past, trying to glimpse the gear shift, there’d been something special about it. He stepped closed and his eyes widened as he took in the custom stick, it resembled a sword hilt, pewter or silver, with leather wrapped around the grip. Yohji shook his head.

 

Ran sighed lightly, and turned his gaze back to the car from the video replaying now on the screen.

 

‘Ran?’ Yohji turned at the sigh. He took in the wistful look as Ran watched the car spin. ‘she sure is beautiful, isn’t she?’

 

Ran turned to Yohji, a genuine smile on his face. ‘yes Yohji, a very beautiful car. Maybe someday’ he turned back for one more look, then turned and began to walk away. ‘yeah,’ Yohji sighed as he followed. ‘Ok, I’ve had enough, how about you Ran, you getting hungry yet?’

‘yes’ Ran answered, a bit surprised as he realized he was. It had been a small cup of soup at lunch, and they’d been walking for hours now. ‘Where did you decide to go tonight Yohji?’ Ran asked, curious.

 

Yohji grinned, ‘well, originally I chose a seafood grill nearby, but, after hours of this,’ he waved a hand about, ‘I must admit, I am itching to take my baby for a run. You up for it? We can go to this great steakhouse I know that is a little upstate and I can show off my baby good and proper. What do you think Ran? Please? She hasn’t been out for a good run in a while.’ Yohji batted big, pleading eyes at him and Ran laughed, actually laughed!

 

‘Yes Yohji, that sounds good.’ He shook his head, ‘you talk about the car like it’s alive, you sure you not crazy?’

 

Yohji’s cock jumped, just a bit, and his heart did a little flip at the sound of Ran’s <yes Yohji> surprising him. He wanted to hear that again.... hmm... he chose to answer the other instead, ‘Well, no of course I’m not sure. Only the _really_ crazy people are completely sure they’re not crazy Ran.’ He chided, ‘as long as you worry you might be crazy, you’re not too far gone, right?’

 

Ran blinked...’what? Yohji, sometimes, I have no idea what you’re saying.’ He looked at Yohji with that cute little confused wrinkle between his eyes. Yohji laughed, ‘well, good, keeps you on your toes. Means you have to pay close attention to me.’ He dropped his voice to whisper as they approached the ‘vette, leaning around Ran, keeping Ran between him and the side of the car. ‘I like your close attention Ran, I think I like it a lot.’ He stepped back and went to the driver side of the car. Ran gave himself a shake and got in.

 

They drove upstate for dinner. The steakhouse living up to Yohji’s hype. Ran was pleasantly surprised. They has grilled vegetables on menu and the steak was perfect. They spent the evening in conversation, Yohji coaxing Ran to open up. ‘tell me about your family Ran.’ At first Ran froze, but he figured, Yohji’d talked about his parents, and there were few people to recall the beauty of Ran’s mom. He told Yohji about her, about the move to New York when he was barely five, and Aya was a baby. About his mother’s developing breast cancer when he was six, and the almost year it had taken for her to die. He talked about raising Aya after she was gone and Yohji could see the intense love Ran had for Aya in every breath. He told of some of Aya’s antics, of some of the problems he’d dealt with in school with his coloring and the eventual transition to private tutoring for both him and Aya for the convenience of his father , leading to even fewer opportunities for social skill building. His father had relented as Aya grew older, letting her attend school with others from eighth grade up threw high school until her injury. Yohji noticed Ran’s conspicuous lack of discussion about his father. Yohji took the hint and steered clear of anything that might put a damper on the evening.

 

Yohji gave more of his own past too, an only child, well loved by his parents, Yohji’s not suffered loss and angst until their deaths. Then, with Asuka, he’d realized true pain as he watched her waste away. He could identify with Ran a bit where Aya was concerned. Asuka hadn’t been in a coma, but she’d withdrawn into herself so far by the end she may as well have been... He spoke a bit about each of his bandmates, his dreams of WEISS.

 

Yohji steered the conversation back a bit to them, getting to know more of each other. He broached the topic of <favorites> a game he and Asuka had played, a way to get to know each other’s interests.

 

‘Favorite what?’ Ran asked

 

‘Exactly.’ Yohji replied. ‘that’s the whole point.’

 

Ran quirked one eyebrow, his expression clearly stating he had no idea what Yohji meant.

 

Yohji chuckled, ‘One throws out a topic, and we respond with our favorite and least favorite... for example, if I were to mention lattes,’ he grinned, ‘you obviously would respond with vanilla bean for favorite. Your least favorite would be.....’ he trailed off.

 

Ran blinked, understanding. ‘hmmmm... he mused. ‘I ... don’t know.’ He answered, ‘I haven’t tried many flavors. I tried the vanilla bean because I knew already how much I liked vanilla.... from ice cream as a child, from the smell... I guess, least favorite, maybe... pumpkin, or.... mint chocolate.’ He made an adorable - - _Yohji would never tell him just how adorable_ \- - face of dislike that had Yohji about to laugh outright. ‘I can’t stand chocolate and mint together. I don’t know why people like it so much, it’s revolting.’ He shuddered, especially warm, ugh.’ Ran abruptly stopped and got this “deer in the headlights” look about him that almost alarmed Yohji. He was about to get up and find what or who had put that look on Ran’s face when Ran spoke again. ‘Yohji, if... if you like it though, that’s fine, I-‘

 

Yohji quickly cut Ran off before he could go on. He’d glimpsed this before, on the phone earlier, at the car show a few times, even briefly as they’d discuss appetizers. ‘Ran.’ Yohji spoke firmly, capturing Ran’s gaze. ‘Ran, there is one thing that I’d like to make absolutely clear right here, right now. Before we go any further in anything, we have to clear this up.’

 

Ran sat up straight, alarmed at the abrupt seriousness of Yohji’s look, the solemn tone. ‘Yohji?’ he questioned lightly, and Yohji almost broke down under that look, and the sound of Ran’s voice, slightly hurt, lost, worried. But he held firm. He had to make this point. This had to make a firm impression, or there was no way he could go on with this. ‘Ran. You have to promise me something, it’s important Ran, very important, if we’re gonna be friends, and especially if it’s gonna have any chance of ever going any further.’

 

‘what?’ Ran whispered, almost afraid now. What was wrong? Things had been so good....

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji stared at those beautiful eyes, searched their depths, catching the fear, the self doubt, the uncertainty, and yet beneath all that, a strength Yohji could scarcely imagine. Yohji knew, here was a man he could easily lose himself in. Only their second meeting, but such a lethal combination of strength and vulnerability, the obvious strong mind and will, combined with the heartwrenching innocence and loss. Just these few hours with Ran, and Yohji was hooked. He knew he could fall hard and fast. And he knew, if he did start to fall, there would be no catching him. He had to know what Ran would do, what he was thinking, what he felt, about ... everything. That was why this was so, so important. He leaned forward, unable to resist smoothing that glimmer of fear, pain, and worry from Ran’s eyes. He never wanted to be the cause of pain to Ran, never wanted to be the one to put that look of loss there....

 

‘Ran’ he spoke again, more gently as he cupped the side of Ran’s jaw. Then his voice firmed again, ‘promise me Ran. Promise me you will always be honest with me. Always. Especially,’ here he paused for effect, ‘especially in liking or not liking something. I mean it Ran. I don’t ever want you to tell me you like something when you don’t. Or to find out you endured a food you hated, an activity or experience, or gods help me, anything to do with my touch, because you thought I wanted you to. Ever. I mean it. If you like something, tell me. Be it food, music, something we do together, or, and his voice dropped, ‘or my touch, or kiss,’ his voice firmed again, ‘ I want to _know_ you like it. It’s important.’ Now he sat back, his face and voice both grown stern, ‘this is absolutely not negotiable, if you _don’t_ like something, _anything_ , food, a drink, a cologne, **especially** anything to do with me touching you in any way, you have to swear you will tell me. Now, right now, promise you will never _endure_ something, never _not_ tell me if you don’t enjoy. If it’s compromiseable, like a date, a movie, we can make concessions, as we get to know each other, there will be things I like that you don’t, and vice versa, westerns over dramas, fish over chicken, that’s one thing, a compromise, but I don’t want to learn that you suffered through something you hated, chocolate mint, or rollercoasters when they terrify you, or...... that you ever ever let me touch you or.... or anything intimate that you did not like simply because you thought I wanted it. Do you understand Ran? Do you see?’ he stopped a moment and tilted his head. ‘I can see, someone, I’m just guessing, but probably your father (Ran’s eyes widened) someone has filled your head with the idea that it’s not ok to have your own opinion, your own likes, and dislikes, that you are to just take what is given and not complain. And while that may work for the dinner table when you are a child, with me, when you are with me, it is not only OK to have your own opinion, it is essential. Ran I want the real you. Be it desire, food, music or the fucking coffee creamer, I want the real you, not the you that you think I am looking for. Honesty Ran, in everything, or this ends, tonight. I mean it.’ Yohji sat back. A little surprised at his rant, but feeling justified. This was important. Ran _had_ to understand this. The thought that Ran might _endure_ anything, simply because he’d been conditioned that it was expected, that he was somehow less, the thought made Yohji angry. And to think about it relating to his touch, that made Yohji physically ill. He wanted to bring Ran pleasure. The more he spoke with him, the more he suspected Ran had never experimented physically. Ran had indicated he’d never dated, but Yohji began to suspect he’d never indulged at all. He wanted to open those sensations for Ran, to be there as Ran learned what he enjoyed, as Ran experienced that bliss for the first time. Ran had to understand this, he had to....

 

Ran sat there a moment, stunned, as he absorbed Yohji’s words. He imagined how he’d feel if Yohji did the things he’d described. If he let Ran touch him and hated it, and didn’t tell Ran, or worse, pretended to enjoy... Ran shuddered. Then he considered his own tendency to defer, as Yohji’d correctly assumed his father had instilled such in him. He didn’t do it with everyone, but someone he wanted to please, someone whose favor he wanted..... Ran would drink something unpleasant or eat a food he hated for a client, with no outward indication of distaste. With his father he never even considered voicing an opinion, and certainly not a dislike. He sighed, and then he looked at Yohji. Yohji so concerned, and yet so determined. Ran smiled, a small smile. The shy smile from the club, uncertain, self depreciating, but eager too... ‘I promise. Yohji I promise, but-‘ Yohji started to interrupt, ‘No buts Ran’ Ran held up a hand to forestall any further tirade. ‘But, he asserted, I have no...... experience, with ... friends, and most definitely not with..... more.’ He took a deep breath, ‘other than Aya, I have had no confidant, no one to... open up to. No one to... be me with. You will have to, bear with me, as I learn... lots of things. But,’ and his own eyes went instantly cold, hard, his voice flat as his jaw firmed and he stared intently into Yohji’s shocked emerald eyes, ‘this goes both ways Yohji. Honesty in all things. Don’t’, and he faltered a bit, then clenched his fist on the table top and looked firmly at Yohji, ‘don’t endure anything from me either, that is.... unpleasant. If I..... if I do something... wrong... you have to tell me. Promise.’ He all but glared at Yohji who sat there in shock at the sudden transformation.

 

Yohji took this in. Soft Ran to.... what? Krittiker Ran? It was like there were two men. Yohji realized now he was probably the only one apart from Aya to see the real Ran. Krittiker Ran would be an easier face to show the world. And Ran had been alone with this, this hardness, since she’d been hurt. No one, gods. Yohji watched as Ran’s shields began to come down as he sat there, not having answered, they dropped just a bit, then Ran firmed them right back up. Determined not to feel if this was over before it even began... Yohji knew, Ran had the power to hurt him, deeply, and it scared him.... Could he do this? Anyone who could close off that completely, that fast, could close out another with no warning. If he committed to this, he’d lose his heart to Ran, he knew it. And if Ran threw it out, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to grow another. Yohji took a deep breath, damn. The chance to erase this cold Ran, to wear it down, to free the passion he’d seen briefly already, only for him. The chance to be loved that fully, that.... completely. To make this man his, heart, mind, soul and body. His. Yohji swallowed and reached across the table. He took Ran’s hand and brought it his own face, unclenching as he went. He watched until the hardness melted from Ran’s eyes, until the jaw unclenched and he could see again the man he’d become so fascinated with. ‘yes Ran’ Yohji whispered, yes, honesty, in all things, always, I promise.’ Yohji smield at the shy hope that grew in Ran’s eys. ‘Come on Babe. Let’s head out. It’ll be late as it is, getting back. I’m guessing you have to be in in the morning, hmmm?’

 

Ran sighed, ‘yes, I have a seven thirty conference.’

 

‘Seven thirty Ran, Damn that’s early. Especially for a Monday’ He seemed to be in thought as they made their way to the car. ‘do you have a regular schedule Ran or what? How will I know when to see you?’

 

Ran smiled. ‘the client is calling from London tomorrow. Seven thirty is a compromise for the both of us.’ He frowned a bt, ‘supposedly, my schedule is nine to five, but No, I rarely have a normal schedule from one week to the next.’ His frown deepened, ‘this is the first weekend I have had off in three months or more.’ He turned to look at Yohji, taking in the frown and considering look. ‘I will make an effort Yohji. I will make sure I set aside time for... for this. What is the best day, weekday or otherwise, for your schedule?’

 

‘well,’ Yohji thought as they began to pull from the lot, ‘we usually have gigs on Thursdays Fridays and Saturdays. But in the evenings. We could spend Saturdays together, before, or.... Sundays I am always off, all day. No practice, no gigs. We could do Sundays if you want, then we have no schedule to worry about. And.... maybe Tuesday evenings. We have Tuesdays off from practice and all. Omi does family night with his dad on Tuesdays.’

 

Ran mused a bit. ‘Yes, Sundays would be ideal. And maybe if we can, we could still do a Saturday before a gig. Maybe, if I know ahead, I can even come to a show sometime. And Tuesdays is great – we can do anything you’d like. Maybe movies, or whatever. Maybe..... sometime, I could ... I could cook you dinner. I, I like to cook. We could rent movies or play chess or cards or something.’ Ran smiled.

 

Yohji smiled back, ‘I’d like that Ran. I’d like that a lot.’

 

Ran sat back to enjoy the sight of Yohji driving them home. Yohji exuded sexy as he drove, completely in control, enjoying the power at his disposal, immersed in the feel of the Corvette, the surge as he changed gears. He had such a smile on his face. Ran allowed himself to take in all of Yohji. His muscled arms, strong hands, one confidently steering as the other controlled the gear shift. Ran’s eyes were drawn to Yohji’s strong, toned legs as he depressed the clutch, the bunching of muscle in his thighs. Ran’s gaze moved up, over Yohji’s toned torso, up his neck, and lingered on his profile.

 

Yohji was a very, very handsome man. Very masculine, very ..... sexy. Ran could glimpse the beginning of a five o’clock shadow spreading over Yohji’s jaw and almost moaned at the thought of running his hands over it, kissing , feeling the stubble on his tongue. He watched as Yohji’s full lips wrapped around a cigarette. Ran trembled, slightly, as he watched Yohji’s mouth. He swallowed and shook himself. ‘Yohji’ he said, a little breathless, quiet.

 

‘hmm?’ Yohji glanced over, ‘yeah Babe?’

 

“I .. I really enjoyed today Yohji. Really. Thank you.’ Ran smiled lightly, ‘Aya tolerated me, and my rambling over cars, but she has no love of them herself. Really, she couldn’t care less as long as it gets her from one mall to the next. Much as I had no interest when she rambled about horses....’ Ran trailed off, still smiling warmly as he recalled Aya rolling her eyes over yet another car story. ‘this was the first time I had a mutually agreeable discussion about cars.’ He sighed.’ It was an excellent choice for our first date.’ He smiled again.

 

‘oh yeah?’ Yohji asked quietly. ‘Any input for our next Ran? What would you like to do?’ Yohji understood, the threat hanging over their heads. The need to be careful. He wanted to do something Ran would be comfortable with, that he would enjoy. ‘There’s plenty left in the date fund Ran. What would you like to do?’

 

Ran thought a moment, pleased Yohji seemed eager for a second date. ‘well, the weather is still nice.... there’s always the boardwalk and the beach. Friends do that, right? Hang out at the beach?’

 

Yohji smiled and allowed himself to reach across and trace his fingers in Ran’s hair, picturing Ran dripping wet from the ocean, eyes sparkling. ‘damn, Ran.’ He sighed. “yes, the beach, the boardwalk. That sounds good. Tuesday evening? What time?’

 

‘Six? we could eat as we browse the boardwalk shops.’ Ran got this far away look to his eyes, that made Yohji smile himself. ‘Aya and I loved the hotdogs on the boardwalk’ his voice grew animated, excited even ‘you can get _anything_ as a topping, chili, peppers, tomatoes, even beans or taco meat. It’s crazy.’ Ran blushed as he realized how he sounded, and looked down at his lap. ‘sorry’ he laughed a bit, ‘I sound like a little kid don’t i?’

 

‘yeah, a little,’ Yohji laughed, ‘but I liked it, you sounded happy, excited. I’d like to see that again Ran.’ Yohji’s voice dropped to a low murmur as he pulled in to the parking lot of Ran’s building. ‘I don’t know Ran, if I can wait two days Ran. Can I... can I call you?’

 

‘I’d like that Yohji, very much.’ Ran’s gaze smoldered as he looked at Yohji. He reached for the door handle.

 

Yohji moaned and grabbed Ran’s arm as he went to get out of the car. ‘wait Ran.’ He said quietly. ‘I wont ask you to let me walk you to the door. I.. I don’t trust myself. Even with the curious eyes of the guard, the nosy neighbors, I may just ravish you. I don’t trust myself to walk away.’ His eyes sparkled, and he grinned. ‘but.....’ and he dropped his voice to a whisper, ‘let me kiss you goodnight Ran?’

 

Ran’s eyes widened and his breath quickened. ‘yes Yohji,’ Ran breathed, ‘yes’

 

Yohji moaned and closed his eyes at the sound of Ran’s voice, the look in his eyes. ‘Ran’ Yohji’s husky voice filled the car as he reached over to cup the back of Ran’s neck. ‘I like that Ran, a lot. Say it again.’ Ran looked confused for just a moment, then his eyes darkened. His voice firm, but low, he repeated, ‘yes Yohji’ he leaned into Yohji’s lips, ‘kiss me Yohji, please’

 

Yohji gasped and leaned in quickly to claim Ran’s mouth. He held himself in check. Not butterfly kisses, but not too deep either. He held himself back to just taste Ran. Taste every part of him. He’d meant it when he said he didn’t trust himself. Yohji pulled back and took a shuddering breath.

 

‘Ran’ he breathed. Ran’s eyes flew open. He’d never heard his name that way before. Yohji trailed his mouth over Ran’s lips, down over his jaw. Ran moaned, deep in his chest, but could only whisper, ‘yes Yohji... yes Yohji.’ His hands entwined in Yohji’s hair, his breath coming in small pants now.

 

Yohji forced himself to pull back. To grip Ran’s upper arms tightly, holding him at arms length. ‘Ran’ he groaned and took a deep breath. ‘Damn Babe’ another deep breath and he sat back fully, caressing Ran’s face once more. Then he firmly placed both hands on the wheel. He looked at this gorgeous man beside him. Face flushed, eyes dark with desire, unsure, but wanting, oh yes, wanting. “it’s late Ran.’ Yohji sighed, “I will call you. We’ll hammer out where to meet Tuesday.’

 

Ran regained some control and sat back himself, unable to stop the smile he felt growing. His eyes dropped again, just for a moment. Then he turned to Yohji, a small smug smirk on his face. ‘yes Yohji.’ He answered with just a slight purr.

 

Yohji’s eyes shot open and he growled. ‘you brat!’ he laughed, ‘ok, that’s it. Out of the car before I forget myself and blow off this whole <dating> thing and the taking it slow.’ His smile turned soft and he let himself have one last caress of Ran’s jaw with the back of his hand. ‘goodnight Ran. Think of me’

 

Ran closed his eyes, took a slow deep breath and climbed out of the car. He closed the door and looked into Yohji’s eyes as he stepped back and answered once more, softly ‘yes Yohji.’

 

Yohji closed his eyes, then smiled slowly pulled out of the lot. Ran watched until Yohji turned out onto the main street, then made his way up to his apartment. He was deliciously tired, relaxed in a way he hadn’t been since Aya was hurt. He couldn‘t completely suppress the guilt he felt at finding this while Aya law sleeping, but...she’d want him to be happy. She loved him. He knew she’d want him to pursue this. Ran turned the Sinatra CD back on, as he completed his nightly ritual, thinking of Yohji and determining in his heart to do whatever it took to make this work, to make Yohji his own.


	3. Chapter 3

** CHAPTER 3 **

****

** Birthday **

Yohji watched, bemused, as Ran piled his *superdog* with topping after topping... chili, cheese, jalapenos, taco meat, chopped tomatoes, sour cream.... these liberally buried the *dog*. There was no way Ran could eat that, not without a fork and knife surely. Or a shovel. Yohji prepared his own dog, some chili, cheese, a dash of mustard, and watched as Ran leaned down for a bite from his concoction. Ran’s face melted into bliss, a small moan escaping as his eyes closed. Yohji swallowed as Ran licked his lips and fingers clean of sour cream, eyes still closed, loosing another small moan of pleasure ‘mmmm’ in that deep voice.

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji croaked, cleared his throat and tried again. ‘Ran, let’s go over to the tables by the railing, hmm? He turned without looking at Ran again and made his way over to the high shaded tables near the railing. He took a sip of his Pepsi and steeled himself to watch Ran bliss out on the mounded mess of a hot dog, _very_ determined not to bring to Ran’s attention how he looked. Yohji was enjoying himself immensely this evening, window shopping with Ran at the various booths and shops set up along the boardwalk. He’d been entranced watching Ran at the knife shop. The man seemed to have a serious fetish for blades, an interesting tidbit Yohji stored away for future gift ideas. Yohji then lost himself in the blown glass display of the shop next door. Yohji had a real thing for blown glass, the myriad colors and shapes, combined strength and delicacy of each piece.

 

Yohji smiled slightly to himself as the thought came to him of the similarity to Ran. He knew enough already to never, ever let Ran know he saw anything delicate or fragile in him. It was obvious Ran was all about disabusing any notions of him being fragile, but... Yohji thought he was..... at least inside, under the steel wrapper.....

 

The hours after he’d dropped Ran off Sunday night had been spent in imagining Ran in many various scenarios where Yohji got to show him just how fragile he could be, at least in the realm of touch. Yohji wanted to be the one to see Ran shatter, explode, that first time. To watch Ran’s face when he was touched by a hand not his own, to watch his self control evaporate. It had taken Yohji quite some time to find sleep that night, and he’d awoken from a _very_ pleasant dream of implementing some quite effective tactics to find a not so pleasant mess..... Yohji hadn’t woke up in such a state for a long time.

 

It unnerved him a bit just how deeply Ran had burrowed into him so very quickly. There was just something about Ran that called to Yohji. Made him want to protect him, and yet... at the same time, to see Ran stand for himself. Yohji knew, there was an intense strength there. To have endured as Ran had for so long, totally alone as he was. Yohji wasn’t sure he would have survived Asuka long without knowing the guys were there for him. Without drawing strength from the solid, secure friendships he’d surrounded himself with since his teen years. They had seen him through his parents’ deaths, which had been so hard, and then kept him sane after Asuka. How Ran had managed to practically raise Aya after their mother’s death at such a young tender age, with no emotional support from the bastard father of his, the man who _should_ have been shielding Ran, loving him..... and then, with no confidants, no friendship to call on, to pal around with, to cut loose with as he grew up. Always having to be strong for his baby sister, never able to just let go.... and the past year, since she’d been hurt.... Not only no one to lean on, but to be threatened over his love for her, to have it used against him..... Yes, Ran was strong, had a steel will, but.... inside, yes... he was fragile. And Yohji wanted to be the one to both shield him, strengthen him, be his pillar, and the one to break him into a million pieces of quivering, oversensitive, passion ridden nerves calling his name as Ran fell apart in his arms ..... When Ran would say his name like that *Yes Yohji* in the car..... that *yes Yohji* still echoing in Yohji’s mind – it brought a shiver to his soul.

 

And here, Ran obviously had no idea what he was doing with that look of ecstasy on his face, the moans of pleasure he was sounding as he devoured that damn hotdog. Yohji loved it. Ran had actually seemed happy, almost childlike in his excitement as he had spotted the vendor for the *Superdog* and practically dragged Yohji over. Yohji let himself smile as he watched Ran and the fire cooled in his groin. The desire banked as he took in the obvious happiness a stupid hotdog brought....

 

Finally, Ran neared the end of the dog, stopping to take a sip of his drink, a bit of chips. He seemed to catch on to Yohji’s rapt attention. ‘what?’ he asked, wary, swiping a hand over his face to check for left behind toppings. ‘What Yohji? Why are you looking at me like that?’

 

Yohji smiled. ‘I’ve never seen anyone enjoy a hotdog so much. You were like a man lost in the desert who found a barrel of water.’ Ran blinked, then finished off the last of his meal before replying. Finally, he looked up, a distant smile in his eyes, though not fully on his lips. ‘this was Aya’s favorite stand. We... we came by at least twice a week. I – I haven’t been to the boardwalk..... since....’ he sighed, ‘since she was injured. I - I missed it I guess.’ He smiled then, fully, and Yohji was lost. The sunset shining off his hair, the smile putting a light in his eyes. Yohji was dazed as Ran went on. ‘this is wonderful Yohji. I always enjoyed the shops, the bustle, but.... since Aya.......... I haven’t let myself enjoy.... anything really. Thank you.’ Ran looked at Yohji intently for a brief moment, then looked down to finish his drink.

 

Yohji blinked, then smiled his warm, lazy smile. ‘Oh. No. Thank _you_ , Ran. I haven’t come down here myself since I was in high school. I forgot how much I’d missed it. We should come down at least once a month. I told you I’d get to work on corrupting you, and if that hotdog is the first junkfood you’ve had in more than a year, then this place is definitely a hot spot on my list.’ He dropped his voice and husked. ‘besides, I’d pay almost anything to watch you at that superdog any chance I get Ran.... you have no idea Ran, really – _no. idea_.’

 

Ran blinked again, then blushed as he realized just how _much_ he’d enjoyed his hot dog. ‘Yohji!’ he gasped. Then looked at Yohji slyly, a twinkle in his eye, and purred. ‘yes Yohji.’ Yohji gasped. ‘I’ll have hotdogs with you anytime.’

 

Yohji growled. ‘Ran.... you.... how did you pick up on that so damn fast?!’ he ran a hand through his hair ‘Ok. We’re done here. Let’s walk.’ He tempered the growl with a smile as he cleared the table.

 

The walked along the boardwalk as sunset turned to night. They made their way down to the beach, away from the noise and bustle of the shoppers. Yohji spoke quietly into the night as Ran watched the stars. ‘favorite season Ran?’

 

Ran smiled, remembering the game. ‘Fall I think.’ He answered quietly. ‘as the oppressive season of summer gives way to the cooler days, the air turning just brisk, before the harshness of winter. Yes. Fall in New York is amazing.’ He looked to Yohji... ‘least favorite I’d say is the end of winter. It makes spring almost favorite, just to see the winter be over.’ He smiled softly at Yohji. ‘you Yohji? What’s your favorite?’

 

Yohji smiled. ‘Summer. I like the heat. Even here with this humidity. Good excuse for less clothing, tha’s my motto.’ He grinned. ‘ Really. I hate cold. Cold water. Cold winter. Cold weather. Snow’ he shuddered. ‘I cannot _wait_ for Spring every year.. it’s very nice. But, when all chance of frost is finally gone and Summer is here in all it’s glory, I am very happy.’ He smiled a big, full smile and waggled his eyebrows. ‘I like Fall too, I mean the Summer can get stifling as the air thickens and the heat gets old before it’s over, but, overall, Summer is still my favorite. And, that obviously leave Winter as the least favorite.’

 

Yohji brought them to a stop below the wharf and reached down to remove his shoes, giving Ran a look. ‘ok Ran, shoes off. It’s another rule ya know. Like showing off your home. No shoes on the beach, at least for a little while. Gotta have the sand between the toes. Don’t burst my bubble Ran.’ he smiled, looking up at Ran.

 

Ran considered Yohji solemly for a bit before a grin broke out on his face and he kicked off his shoes. Again, that blissed out look on his face, head tilted back, he indulged in wiggling his toes in the cool sand. He cross his arms in front of himself, and eyes still closed murmured, ‘yes Yohji’ lowly.

 

Yohji shot upright from where he’d bent, and with a glance around, pulled Ran into his arms. Ran stumbled a bit, eyes closed, he’d been a little off guard. But, he’d hoped for this so wasn’t startled too badly. He let his arms entwine around Yohji’s neck quickly, twisting fingers into the hairs at the back of Yohji’s neck and opened his eyes. He deliberately looked into Yohji’s eyes and breathed, ‘yes Yohji. Yes’ leaning forward he claimed Yohji’s mouth. One hand dropped down to trail over Yohji’s back.

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji moaned and leaned deeper into the kiss, one hand on Ran’s neck, the other tightly around Ran’s waist. He pulled their bodies together and his knees almost buckled at the hardness between them. ‘Ran’ Yohji whispered, tilting his head as Ran made his way to Yohji’s neck. ‘oh, Ran’ Yohji trembled with the effort to control himself. ‘wait Ran’ he forced out, ‘wait’ he focused and took a step back. Ran followed, a growl n his throat as he protested Yohji’s retreat. ‘Yohji’ he growled, then whispered, ‘Yohji ... please.’

 

Yohji almost exploded at the plea. ‘Ran!’ he gasped. ‘wait.’ He clamped his hands at either side of Ran’s face, forcing him to stop. He waited for Ran to focus. Those dazed eyes on his own. ‘Ran’ he spoke firmly, despite the shudder running through him. He took another step back. ‘Ran. not here.’

 

Ran’s eyes abruptly cleared, and he also stepped away, turning his back to Yohji. Taking a deep breath, then another, he whispered, ‘ god Yohji. I’m... I’m sorry.’

 

‘No Ran!’ Yohji couldn’t stop himself stepping up and pulling Ran back against his chest. ‘No, don’t be sorry, please don’t be sorry. I want you Ran. you have no idea how I want you. It took everything I had in me to stop. But...... we can’t .... not here.’

 

Ran took another deep breath and answered, ‘I’m not..... I’m not sorry for.... for wanting you..... just – I’m not......’ he sighed, ‘I’m not.... wanton Yohji, really, it’s – it’s _you_. You Yohji. I can’t.... I don’t.... You make me..... feel. I don’t _want_ to resist you Yohji, and that scares me.,’ he whispered. ‘it does.’ He stepped away, setting himself to rights. He turned to look at Yohji squarely. ‘you.... you have some idea about the need for – for discretion..... we’ve talked, and ... yet.... I, I almost don’t care Yohji. And that scares me more than anything. It scares me how close I am to not caring , to throwing all discretion away...... to.....’ his voice trailed off and there he stood, straight, somber. He looked at Yohji, taking a breath, ‘I... I cant do that Yohji, I can’t. Aya..... she needs me. She’s helpless. I can’t .... cant risk her. For, ... for this... for my own.... want. For.... anything.’ He closed his eyes and bowed his head.

 

Yohji ran his hands through his hair and lit a cigarette. ‘I know Ran, I know.’ He spoke clearly, quietly. ‘I feel it too. You’ve .... got to me... deeply. Already. I know we have to be careful, and I understand. About Aya.’ He sighed. One thing’s for sure....’ he turned to look out over the ocean. ‘You _have_ to stop with the *yes Yohji* thing. At least in public.’ He turned back to Ran. Deep smoldering green eyes burning into Ran’s own. ‘I want you to say it Ran. I _want_ to hear it. A lot. But, you’d better save it for more _discreet_ places.’

 

‘Yes Yoh-’ Ran cut himself off ‘okay.’

 

‘mm-hmm, exactly’ Yohji chuckled. He finished his cigarette and pushed it into the sand. ‘Well, let’s walk back Ran. WEISS has an early meeting in the morning. We’re setting up some weekend gigs up state.’ They started walking back toward the boardwalk and Yohji brushed his hand lightly against Ran’s. ‘I’d hold your hand if I could Ran.’

 

Ran sighed, ‘me too Yohji. Please, _please_ know, any.... hesitation, has nothing to do with you... with us. It’s just my father Yohji. I can’t not see her, I can’t let him take her away.’

 

‘I know Babe, I know.’ Yohji rasped. ‘we’ll figure this out, somehow.’ He laughed lightly, ‘this is a good thing anyway. I’m enjoying getting to know you, hanging out. I’m not known for my ... restraint Ran. I tend to take something if I want it, and work out the details later. This is good. We’ll take it slow. Anticipation heightens the experience.’ He smiled, a sexy, sultry smile at Ran, and reached up to swiftly trace his fingers over on side of Ran’s face, making as though wiping off something. ‘And damn Ran, am I anticipating.’ He smiled as they approached the cab station and he turned to Ran. ‘so.... until Sunday?’

 

Ran frowned. Five days. It seemed so long... he sighed, ‘yeah, I guess so.’ He pouted, just a bit, ‘Five days seems a long time Yohji.’ He looked at the sidewalk.

 

Yohji laughed, ‘oh, don’t I know it Ran. But,’ he leaned down to catch Ran’s eye. ‘you’re very busy the rest of this week you said, and WEISS is going upstate for the next few days. We can do this. And...we have cell phones Ran.’ he chuckled. ‘we’ll make like lovesick teens. I’ll call you in the evenings and when I have some downtime and we’ll talk and talk.’

 

He smiled as Ran’s eyes lit up, then frowned when Ran’s eyes twinkled with mischief. Before he could ask Ran what brought that gleam to his eye, Ran leaned in, just slightly and answered in a whisper ‘yes Yohji’

 

‘Dammit Ran!’ Yohji barked and stepped back, smiling. Ran laughed, actually laughed, and Yohji melted. Then he answered back, in his own sultry, deep husky voice, ‘yes ..... Ran.’ and was delighted with Ran’s wide eyed stupefied look, and the flush that crept over Ran’s face. Yohji chuckled, ‘uh-huh, see?’ he smirked.

 

Ran shook his head and glared at Yohji. ‘hmm.’ He sighed. ‘well that’s it then, for tonight.’ He held out a hand to shake, a very small smirk on his lips. ‘it was a nice visit Mr. Kudoh.’ Then he relented, the smirk gone, a flash of smolder in his eyes quickly squelched. ‘it was good Yohji.’ He shook Yohji’s hand and turned for a cab. He turned back just as he sat himself in the back. ‘call me. We’ll talk.’

 

Yohji watched as the cab pulled away. He shook his head, smiling as he climbed into his own cab. Yes. This was going to quite a ride......

 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Over the coming weeks, they enjoyed exploring each other. They grew more secure in their friendship, getting to know each other:

 

 

_‘favorite sport Ran?’_

_‘none really, unless you count martial arts.’_

_‘no **football?** Ran!’_

_‘no kudoh, no football, though you feel free... That should leave some Sundays open this coming fall. hmm’_

_‘not funny Ran. Don’t worry, I can watch the game and still date you. We’ll just go to the sport’s bar.’_

_‘no.’_

_‘no?’_

_‘no. well, not... every week. Hmm. Friends watch football together.... completely acceptable... you can..... maybe you can come... to my place.... maybe... maybe I DO like football.’_

_‘oh yeah Baby’_

_‘wait. We cant.’_

_‘what? Why?’_

_‘well, don’t you need a big screen for football? I have a TV Yohji, but mostly just for the news, not a real priority...’_

_‘oh, don’t sweat that baby, we’ll go shopping.’_

_‘hmm...ok. So Yohji, jets or giants?’_

_‘do I strike you as a super speedy trip, or larger than life Ran?’_

_‘ah, giants then’_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_‘favorite color Yohji?’_

_‘well, it used to blue, but...... lately I’ve found myself partial to .. violet.’_

_‘Violet? Really?’_

_‘yeah, smoldering violet, Ran. and maybe.... deep, dark red too’_

_‘oh.’_

_‘you?’_

_‘well, mine has always been forest green...... maybe now I know why.........’_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_‘favorite movies Ran?’_

_‘I like martial arts movies Yohji, Bruce Lee, Jet Li....like that. And, mystery. Movies that make you think. You?’_

_‘ah, yeah me too, and I’m a sucker for comedy, and.... well.... sometimes...... romances. Don’t laugh!’_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

_‘favorite school subject Yohji?’_

_‘PE’_

_‘that’s not a subject Kudoh, that’s a break’_

_‘ok, music’_

_Sigh....’favorite academic subject then’_

_‘there were academics at school? Kidding! Don’t hit me!’_

_‘kudoh...’_

_‘well, math I guess. Math is kinda musical, doncha think? And you don’t have to read much for math. I don’t mind a good book, but to have to write a report on it... thanks, but no. You?’_

_‘literature.’_

_‘why am I NOT surprised.... so, favorite NON academic course?’_

_‘art, come on... did you really ask that?’_

_‘heh, yeah, I guess that WAS pretty obvious, hmm? – So, know any poetry then Ran?’_

_‘of course. Do you want me to recite poetry for you Yohji? Hm... that of others, or ...some of my own?’_

_‘you write poetry Ran? you know, I write songs, that counts as poetry too, huh? Actually, ....... don’t EVER tell anyone, but..... I write the occasional poetry myself Beautiful.....not just for WEISS...... Hmm, you know, I think I would absolutely like for you to recite poetry for me Ran, ..... panting .... gasping .... verse.’_

_‘ch. Idiot’_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Ran’s personality opened like a rose, layer by layer..... letting more and more of himself shine through as their trust and need for each other developed. Yohji was careful to keep their dates entirely public to encourage their *self control*. Never since Asuka had he been so glad to just talk with someone. Ran’s sense of humor blew him away, that witty, sarcastic, caustic humor surprising him over and over.

 

They enjoyed the Aquarium, Ran’s eyes lighting up in wonder, as though..... he’d never been there before, as though seeing the sea life up close for the first time not on television.... They visited the museum, comments flying from them both - - the 40’s themed club, careful to dance alone or as a group, very careful not to get too close there - - the arcade, watching Ran as he tried his hand at the various games. He was so out of touch with modern technology in gaming, not having let himself have this kind of fun. But he learned the moves quickly, relishing victory. Live theater - musicals, comedies (watching Ran laugh could make Yohji’s day), dramas, (seeing Ran choke up with emotion touched Yohji in a whole other way.) He yearned for the day when he could watch Ran lose himself to passion.....

 

One Tuesday night date, early in August, Yohji indulged a little fantasy, finally taking Ran to the movies. A foreign film, a small, mostly bookish or elderly audience, largely ignoring to two young men sitting in the corner of the back row. Making out with Ran, making up for the lost time they’d spent apart recently..... and yet, making it so much...worse..... Yohji didn’t make that mistake again. Knowing he had to wait until they’d crossed a certain line before he _dared_ sit with Ran so close in the dark again.

 

They talked on the phone endlessly. During the evenings, whenever either had to travel. Hours at a time sometimes.... Ran gave Yohji more of his life with Aya and Yohji came to care for her himself, too. Through Ran almost seeming as though he knew her, laughing at her antics, crying with Ran as he told of her need for affection, especially after their mother’s death.... Her obvious craving for Persia’s love, which he would not give... Yohji raged inside at the horrible man that was Ran’s father, at the disdain and outright contempt he showed to Ran, the casual way Ran spoke of the rejection, as though he deserved it, expected it. The way Persia had carried his hatred for Ran over to his wife and young daughter as Ran grew and his coloring became more pronounced. More obvious. Rejection becoming more vocal despite the love his daughter gave, and yearned for so desperately. Persia’s hatred toward Ran only grew through his life. His parentage constantly questioned by his own father, despite the proof of testing. Constantly holding Ran forward as the cause for any strife in the home..... citing him as a freak, an aberration. As Ran’s sexual preference became known, it only grew worse, until finally Aya’s injury gave him an unbreakable hold, allowing him to bring Ran pain in yet more ways..... Ran’s reticence increased throughout his teen years.... small wonder that, given how he was mocked for any thought expressed, any opinion voiced.... He allowed himself to feel, respond, only for Aya. Apart from her, Ran was dead, emotionless, not allowing his father to have any weapon to use against him... not daring to show any feelings..... After Aya was hurt, he closed off completely... until Yohji. Yohji delighted in finding ways to bring Ran into the open.

 

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

 

_‘you need a nickname Ran..... a pet name...’_

_‘pet name Kudoh?.... I don’t think so’_

_‘oh yeah... something that is only mine.... let’s see.....’_

_‘Yohji, no... don’t be an idiot.’_

_‘I’m thinking Baby, hang on.....’_

_‘see? You have one already. I let you call me baby....’_

_‘let me?’_

_‘you’re still alive aren’t you? – amazingly enough...’_

_‘no........that’s not it, something else.....’_

_‘and.... you... you call me beautiful. All the time. Idiot, I keep telling you not to but.....’_

_‘no, no.... I mean something unique, something just between us. I call lots of people Baby, or beautiful or bishounen.’_

_‘excuse me?’_

_‘Um, well, I mean... I DID.... I DID call SOME people that... only certain people, and...I may still slip... sometimes.... I tease Schu, I call him Baby, sometimes.’_

_‘.....’_

_‘and, well..... I have been known to call Omi bishounen on more than one occasion.’_

_‘hmmm.....’_

_‘I want something that is yours Ran, only yours..... kitten?’_

_‘absolutely not.’_

_‘you’re very catlike Ran.... stoic, generally allowing interaction only if YOU instigate it.... and, petting you is fun’_

_‘forget it – no, ..... think of something else. Wait. Did I just say that?’_

_‘you DID. That means I can..... hmm - well I can’t call you orchid, even though it fits....’_

_‘Yohji, this is silly’_

_‘no.... let me think..... I know! Angel! That’s it..... Angel!’_

_‘Angel?! Ch! That is completely inappropriate.... I am in no way angelic.’_

_‘oh Baby, but you ARE’_

_‘really...... and how do you come up with that?’_

_‘well, an open Orchid sometimes looks like an Angel or wings, so there’s that.... and Angel, you take me straight to Heaven.... that voice that soothes my soul; that pearly, satiny skin, definitely Heaven to touch, and my repeated cries of *oh god, oh god* when I dream of you..... yep, definitely an Angel, MY Angel’_

_‘....well.....’_

_‘please Ran? I’ll just use it anyway.... be my Angel’_

_‘alright..... yes Yohji’_

_“Ran!’_

_‘but....’_

_‘but?’_

_‘I want.... something for you too Yohji. But.....’_

_‘but?’_

_Sigh, ‘you know I’m not good at this Yohji.....’_

_‘it’s ok Babe, it’ll come to you, one day, it’ll just strike. Besides, I am POSITIVE I am the only one YOU call Babe or Koi’_

_‘oh really?’_

_‘well.... yeah..... right?....’_

_Laughter, ‘yes Yohji’_

_‘Ran!’_

_‘yes. Of course. The only one..... ever. Koi, Babe.’_

_‘that’s nice Ran.... Angel.’_

_Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

Yohji gave more of himself too. He told Ran of his childhood, his lifelong friendship with Schuldig, how he met each member of WEISS and their respective roles :

 

Schuldig, Yohji’s best friend since childhood. Another half breed child in 4th grade, subject to the ridicule, name calling and degradation only fellow children can dish out, he and Yohji found in each other kindred spirits. Outcasts but each with a love of life and a fierce determination to prove everyone wrong, they had bonded quickly. Also having an accent, originally born in Germany, only moving to the States just before third grade started, his was decidedly more pronounced than Yohji’s who’d been born in New York and had an American mother. Schuldig was often harassed even more than Yohji. He learned quickly to *read* people very early. To know what people were thinking by mannerisms, facial expression, reactions to surroundings... a talent that would serve him well later in life. Schu had to endure his own share of pain and loss in his life. Orphaned very young, his parents having died during the summer between third and fourth grade, Schu’d lived in foster care. His parents having no relatives in the US, and none from Germany willing to take in the half breed child. Transferred from care home to care home through 4th – 8th grade, some decent, many not so much, he’d been lucky enough to remain in the same general area, only moving away for a time during 7th and 8th grade. He and Yohji had stayed in touch, writing often, and luckily, Schu had found a stable, long term foster facility through his teen years, and had been able to attend high school with Yohji.

 

He’d been there before WEISS, had been the one to encourage Yohji to pursue music once his voice had settled to the warm sensuous tenor during the summer between sophomore and junior year. Had given Yohji constant encouragement as WEISS developed and grew from a hobby to a way of life. He often played pseudo manager for the band having a head for business and a keen sense for details. Often helping in negotiations etc, his ability to read others helped prevent deception, or taking advantage.....

 

Schuldig had his own *day job*now. Putting his brilliant mind and amazing *photographic* memory to use in high school, Schuldig had earned a scholarship to a nearby university, and during the freshman *career exploration* amazingly discovered a both a talent for, and a genuine love of teaching. His talent helped him to interact with young people in a way many teachers never could. Able to put them at ease and to engage their interest. He found he loved being able to touch young minds, to direct, guide, to see that light of understanding dawn.

 

Schulding had been there with Yohji through growing up, discovering his bi nature, assuring Yohji he wasn’t a monster. Schu had the same tendency, though he leaned more toward men. They’d even dated for a time, but their friendship was too precious to risk and while it was very good, the passion was just not there, not the way each searched for. Their friendship had developed into brotherhood and Yohji relied on Schu as the only family he had left. He’d been there for Yohji through the loss of his parents, and the awful pain after his loss of Asuka. Had watched Yohji lose himself for a time after that, and had kept him from going completely off the deep end. He’d known the playboy image later was a front. Knew Yohji was searching for something real, and gave Yohji tentative approval for this new, mysterious relationship he was pursuing now... although he hadn’t met the allusive *Angel*.....

 

Schu himself was alone at this point in his life, not having pursued any serious relationships since Yohji, finding the majority of the college students too interested in only party party party. While fun for a time, Schu longed for something more stable after a time. He grew tired of one night stands, instant gratification, and opted to focus on his career for now. While he dated here and there, he was fulfilled with his students and side tutoring sessions and not in any hurry to settle down. Someday, if it happened, fine. For now, his friendship with Yohji and his students filled his life. WEISS had become his family as well and he found it to be enough.

 

Yohji described Omi, drummer of WEISS, as energetic, perpetually cheerful and deceptively innocent. Omi was a genius with a computer and sound and synthesizing equipment and handled the band’s equipment and electrics... He also was a model student throughout school. Being a master tactician, and having a steady hand, he championed in chess and both darts and archery. Being ever curious and always wanting to take care of those he called friend, Omi had also given his early approval of the subtle changes in Yohji, the new happiness and contentment he exuded.

 

Omi’s best friend, and WEISS lead guitarist, Ken, was a soccer fanatic with a bit of a temper at times. As a teen, he’d lost control of his temper a time or two, and the last time had been one too many, resulting in him being kicked from the team, and losing his best friend (or so he’d thought at the time) in the process. Unknown to Ken, Kase had deliberately provoked Ken’s temper for his own gain. Fully aware, as Ken’s “best friend” of his temper problems, Kase let him believe threats had been made by a certain player from the other playoff team in their bracket. Threats against Kase and Ken’s other teammates, to ensure a loss to end the playoffs. Seeing red when that player collided with Kase and Kase fell to the ground with a sharp cry, Ken had lost control of himself and in a viscous hit had taken out the other player, resulting in a broken leg. In the ensuing referee conference, mention was made of Ken’s obvious intent. When threats were mentioned to hold the team responsible as a whole, and eliminate them from the contention, Kase ( _thankfully found only to be shaken up, but somehow uninjured by the other player’s *hit* – surprise surprise_ ) had betrayed Ken, saying Ken had a personal vendetta against the player, making threats to harm him at first chance, all for reasons unknown.... The rest of the team, having heard Ken’s vocal responses to Kase’s goading earlier, and oblivious to the manipulations, agreed with Kase’s implications, familiar with Ken’s temper from other incidents. Ken was removed from the team and banned from school sports. Accepting the wake up call for what it was, Ken channeled his aggression into music after that...

 

Meeting Omi at a music store early into Ken’s junior year, they found they shared common interests in music and a desire to play professionally someday. It took Ken a while, to trust again, but..... once a friend Ken was fiercely loyal and protective, and basically unable to resist any real pleas.... As their friendship grew, Omi, a year younger than Ken, made good work of the puppy dog eyes angle, and came to convince Ken to host weekly, at least, jam sessions in his garage, as his father’s penthouse apartment did _not_ lend itself to *band sessions* They practiced together often in Ken’s garage, making it their *mission room*.

 

In a twist of fate smiling for once, Ken lived only a short distance down the street from Yohji. On one of his evening walks with Schu to talk over the most recent love interests for both, and the question of whether to attend the junior prom or just create their own party, they’d overheard the practice session. Ken’s ability with a guitar was nothing short of amazing. Ken had developed a glove allowing him to utilize multiple picks at once, almost as though the picks were a part of his hand, like claws perhaps. Ken tended to lose himself in his solos, sometimes requiring intervention to come back to this existence. He likened it to a berseker warrior, one who lost himself to the fight. Ken lost himself to the music.....

 

Yohji had been unable to resist the music that called to him from down the street that night during their jam session and had found himself standing just outside Ken’s garage singing along with the popular hit they were practicing. A fast friendship was formed between the three, despite Omi being a year behind, and soon the plan to form a band was underway.

 

Jei, WEISS’s last member and bassist, had also had problems with temper as a young man, but sadly with more reason than merely overloads of testosterone..... Yohji’d met Jei, also a junior, near the school earlier in the year. He came upon a group of teens on the tennis court taunting a lone boy. White haired, thin, but with a whipcord strength, sporting a patch over one eye, the boy eyed the group warily, but showed no signs of fear as he held a fighting stance enduring their taunts. Finally, one comment had apparently hit home, something about _one eyed freak and your mother-_ pushing the boy over the edge he’d been holding on to so tightly.

 

Yohji had witnessed Jei’s temper unleashed. He’d intervened, and been able to calm the youth before the others were seriously hurt. He’d given witness to the security responding to the fight, to the fact that Jei had been outnumbered, obviously acting in self defense..... The bruises revealed when the youth’s torn shirt was cut away led credence to the story. The bruised ribs and marks across Jei’s back resulted in no charges being brought, and Jei was released. But. Yohji’d been there. He knew. None of the hecklers had landed more than a glancing blow. Yohji’d said nothing until he and Jei were released that afternoon, and that silence earned him a measure of trust. Walking home, he’d learned of Jei’s drunken, violent father, his mother’s *death* ruled suicide when he was in middle school.... of the beatings, and worse... of how Jei’d lost his eye....

 

A friendship had grown. Jei, like Ken, channeled his anger, his *darkness* into music, playing bass. When Yohji found Omi and Ken, he immediately thought of Jei and WEISS came into being. Later, when Jei was finally old enough to move out, they’d become roommates first. Finally, as Ken and Omi grew old enough to leave home as well, for the convenience of the band, the four shared a home while Schu pursued University.

 

Each of these men were Yohji’s family, and someday, Yohji hoped, would be Ran’s as well.

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran blossomed under Yohji’s care as his trust in Yohji grew, as Yohji seemed to not only accept, but to revel in exploring what Ran considered his defectiveness: his looks, his reticence, his lack of experience in both friendships and romance, his difficulty with expression. Yohji seemed to thrive on bringing Ran out, in opening each layer, excited to penetrate yet more.....

 

And the sensory explorations progressed as well......... occasional touches in the limo enroute to or from a date, the privacy panel securely closed. Stolen kisses at least once on each date when they found some time alone, each consecutive session flaming the passion higher between them....

 

Yohji encouraged more ‘discussion’ of this aspect of their growing relationship too. Ran balked at first, easily embarrassed to talk about it. Touch was one thing, putting desire into words.... something else again. He tended to cut conversation short if Yohji pushed too far..... what Yohji wouldn’t give to erase that fear, embarrassment..... baby steps.

 

It was a Thursday night and WEISS was on the road for another extended weekend gig. They were getting more of those, but they often led to traveling. Upstate, or out of state, like this one, gone from Thursday through Sunday. Meaning, he wouldn’t see Ran _again_ this weekend, not until Tuesday. And Saturday... Saturday was Yohji’s birthday..... Yohji groaned as he yet again tried to shake Ran from his thoughts as he considered what he wanted to ask for as a gift...... Oh fuck it, he dialed Ran’s number. No way he’d get to sleep without the voice of his Angel to soothe the way..... already, he was addicted..... needing Ran.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Ran sighed as he sipped his lemonade, standing on his balcony enjoying the view, basking in the bright summer sunlight of a Saturday afternoon. The warm sunlight soothing him, making him think of Yohji. Yohji was warm, he filled Ran with light, kept the darkness at bay..... suddenly, it hit Ran just how much Yohji WAS like sunlight. He grinned as he considered Yohji’s response when he told him he’d found a pet name for him.... he could give it to Yohji for a birthday surprise.

 

He missed Yohji. Missed him more than he should. But, he was coming to understand that Yohji meant much more to Ran’s well being than should be possible only two and a half months later. It had been a very, very long week. Meeting after meeting, finalizing all the quirks of another new contract with Mamaru.... the boy was quite the sensation, and renegotiation was needed to give Krittiker a better hold on the global market. The problem was, the kid had let things go to his head and was turning into quite the diva. Wanting a personal assistant on hold during recording sessions, his own favorites catered in whenever he was scheduled somewhere, and most recently, a tendency to make *fashionably late* appearances to media events and rehearsal or studio sessions. The problem was, the musicians working the studio for the past few years were accustomed to Ran’s demand for professionalism and punctuality, conveying one’s respect, or lack thereof, of another. Ran was pretty sure he had at least cured the boy of the problems at the studio. A well focused glare and some explanation as to how easily one’s childish tendencies could become media fodder seemed to have made an impression. It had taken most of the afternoon to smooth over the feathers of the studio crew and Ran had developed a tiresome headache by the end of the day Friday. One that almost prevented him from stopping by the boardwalk on his way home. Almost. But he’d been too eager to pick up Yohji’s gift, and on the off chance he got to come back early, Ran wanted to have it available. Of course, he hadn’t. And the piece sat wrapped, waiting, on Ran’s coffee table. Ran sighed and rolled his shoulders. Yes, he missed Yohji.

 

Ran had commissioned a beautiful piece. A delicate, white orchid, with a blood red center, and violet spattered petals, laying on a bed of deep emerald green leaves. The orchid was enmeshed in honey gold coils, thin as wire, giving it an unearthly aspect. As though it were a dream, a thought..... If one looked very, very closely, at the center of the orchid, one could see that there was an angel, standing with head tilted back, arms and wings spread wide, these and the white robe he wore blending eventually up into the petals of the orchid. The angel’s hair was a deep, dark, blood red, just at the center of the orchid, and flowed, long and wavy, to begin the red coloration expanding from the orchid’s center, deepening in hue as it went, until it changed to a violet dusting spattered along the center of the orchid’s petals. Ran couldn’t wait to give the piece to Yohji. It was...... exquisite, truly. The glassmaster had quite outdone himself. It was worth every penny.... It was.... over the top. And the symbolism of the angel/orchid being encased in the honey and emerald would not be lost on Yohji. It said much, asked for much, but Ran would give it to Yohji, and accept whatever Yohji was willing to make of it.

 

Today was Yohji’s birthday. Ran so wished WEISS had not been scheduled away today.... They’d agreed that, since Ran had needed to attend a conference this morning, and it would take most of the day to get to the band location, Ran would not attend today’s show. Especially as the band intended to travel back tonight after the gig to negate the extra hotel expense He’d promised Yohji he would make WEISS’ next show here in New York, at whatever venue they scheduled. But, that meant, today he would not see Yohji. Couldn’t even call him, as he had no way of knowing what photo sessions or autograph events, etc they might be engaged in....

 

Ran smiled to himself as he recalled talking with Yohji late into the early morning hours Thursday night. They’d talked of inanity at first, light conversation about nothing really. Yohji saying he’d missed Ran’s voice so called for a chat. Yohji’d described the drive up, the antics of his bandmates. His horror at the excuse for Mexican food served at the restaurant they’d stopped at on the way. Ran had laughed at Omi’s excitement at spotting an eagle in flight, forcing them to pull off to the side while he frantically tried to find his camera.....

 

Then, somehow, the conversation had turned. From silly nonsense conversation to more serious. Yohji’d talked about his parents. About missing them as his birthday approached. He’d described to Ran how they’d met in Japan while his mom was stationed there during a brief stint in the military. How they’d courted, fallen in love, and how, once she was transferred back, his father couldn’t bear to be apart from her. How his father had no family, having been orphaned young, being an only child. He’d had no qualms about following the love of his life to America. He’d sold everything, and come to New York. Yohji’d explained how his mother’s parents had had her at an older age. How both were older by the time she’d found Tatske Kudoh, needing her care. Her mom had died shortly after Yohji was born. He’d never really known his grandmother. But his grandfather was lost without his beloved Susan and he’d needed Yohji’s mom. Yohji’s father had never considered asking her to leave him behind, and Yohji’d grown up with his grandfather an integral part of this life, living in their home until his death. His wry sense of humor had influenced Yohji’s own, and he cherished the memories of this man who’d immediately accepted his daughter’s love without reservation to race or differences. Happy that she’d found the same amazing soulmate he’d had with his wife. He’d accepted Tatske as a son, and loved him and Yohji completely. Yohji’d been devastated when Frank had died when he was twelve.

 

Ran opened up to Yohji more about the lack of any family other than Aya after his mother’s death. The ridicule endured as a small boy unable to be understood for a time. Much like Schuldig, Ran’s family had moved to New York while he was young. His difficulty with his accent had caused him trouble at school at first, increasing the tauntings over his coloring, his almost feminine appearance, especially until his voice changed, deepened. Aya had learned English without much accent, most of her learning to speak coming after the move. And, being adorable and loving, not to mention blending in without a problem, she was accepted and loved by all but her own father. Thanks to his father’s disdain, Ran had been withdrawn to begin with, becoming more antisocial after the death of his mother, awkward, uncaring of other’s impression, wanting only to be left alone. Finally, his father had resorted to private tutors, only increasing the aloofness now that Ran was not forced to interact. He’d poured himself into his studies, intent on perfecting his English, he’d always understood it with no trouble, now he spoke it perfectly as well. None would suspect his early conflict. He was still obviously Japanese in his facial features, his body style, lanky, lean, with delicious muscle definition reinforced by his ongoing kendo practice. No, despite the coloring, the alabaster skin, the blood red hair, violet eyes, none would question his Japanese heritage. But now, in modern day New York, as an adult, especially in the music industry, he was no longer taunted for his unique appearance. In fact, now the interest took on a whole new aspect. His aloofness when in public gave Ran a reputation as *ice prince* *frigid* and he’d had several offers to melt the ice, to thaw him out. But, he’d had no such desire or need, until Yohji.

 

Somehow, this confession had caused the conversation to graduate then to light flirting, teasing, which quickly turned to more. Ran had grown flustered, unable to respond to Yohji’s comments, and had cut the conversation short, citing a need for rest for an early meeting Friday.... he wished now that he hadn’t been so tongue tied, that he’d let Yohji continue his oh so pleasant descriptions....

 

The people at Ran’s office Friday had been stunned at Ran’s attitude that morning. The half smile that kept coming back, the lack of anger just below the surface. People kept reacting to him with mild shock until the annoyance burned away the last of the good mood finally when the mail clerk entered his office shortly after eleven am with a look of confused anticipation on his face. Like he was entering the freak show tent at the circus, Ran thought. ‘what?!’ he hissed at the young man, ‘you’d think I’d never smiled before.’ Ran had growled at the kid, then blinked when the boy blurted without thinking, ‘you haven’t’ the boy had slapped his hand quickly over his mouth, obviously expecting a reprimand or worse, again shocked when Ran only answered quietly, almost sadly, ‘perhaps you’re right. Leave the mail and get out.’ Ran had finished the desk work in his office then headed off for the talk with the new diva brat and the studio crew, ignoring his phone and secretary the rest of the day.

 

Ran rubbed his eyes and took a deep sigh. Tina was a great secretary. She put up with all his quirks, took his attitude with a grain of salt. Knew his preferences and often anticipated his needs. She seemed to have come to care for him in her way over the last three years, despite his having done nothing to encourage it. He’d have to do something to make up to her for his attitude this week. Between the kid, dealing with Persia’s worsening disdain, worry for Aya and missing Yohji, Ran had been a real grouch since Tuesday. She’d been pleasantly surprised at his countenance Friday morning, making no shocked or amazed comment, just smiling at him fondly and saying she hoped he was alright, how he looked tired but happy, and brought him his coffee just how he liked it without any hint from him.... she hadn’t deserved his cold shoulder Friday afternoon... he’d have to make it up to her somehow......

 

Ran’s musings were cut short as he heard his phone ring from inside. Making his way into the apartment, Ran pulled the curtains, deciding he’d had enough sun and heat for one Summer afternoon, and flipped on the fan as he walked by. Picking up the phone, not recognizing the number, he answered cautiously. ‘This is Ran.’

 

‘Angel.’ Yohji’s warm voice, never failing to fill Ran with light, greeted him. ‘I miss you Baby’

 

‘Yohji’ Ran breathed. ‘Happy birthday Yohji, I’m so glad you called.’ Puzzled, he asked, ‘what happened to your cell Yohji? What number is this?’

‘Oh yeah? Miss me huh?’ one could hear the smirk on Yohji’s lips as he purred, ‘that’s good Angel. I’m glad you’ve been missing me. This is the phone in my hotel room. My charger broke and I just got a new one. Cell is charging now for the trip home. I miss you too.... very very much Ran. And... since you’re missing me too, you are more likely to give in to my request.’

 

‘What request is that Yohji?’

 

‘uh-uh, not yet. First, did you get that prick kid straightened out? I know Thursday you were pretty fed up.’

 

Sigh, ‘yeah. I put the brat in his place. He wont be late to another session with me or my people. What he does with others is none of my concern. But, I don’t want to discuss anything to do with Krittiker. It’s your birthday, I want to talk about you. Did you have a nice day so far? How much time do you have until tonight’s show? I – I have your present Yohji, I can’t wait to see you open it. I wish I could have given it to you today. Maybe, if you get back early enough Sunday, we can see each other.’ Ran dropped his voice, ‘I do miss you Yohji..... I couldn’t sleep at all Thursday after your call.’

 

Yohji’s breath hissed on the other end of the line. ‘Ran. me either. I tossed and turned all night. It’s funny. I’d called you because I couldn’t sleep, I needed to hear your voice. Then I can’t stop talking to you..... We really are like a couple of teenagers with their first love you know.’

 

Ran could hear Yohji’ smile in his voice. Not the leering grin, the fond, warm smile that Ran had grown to understand was only for him. The one that made Ran melt, made him want to wrap Yohji in his arms and kiss him breathless.

 

‘and then Ran, the rest of the conversation completely chased sleep away. Totally defeated the purpose, especially since you cut the call off Ran before we got the end of the story. Well, it surely wasn’t much for a sleep remedy.’

 

‘Yohji, I -’

 

‘don’t you dare apologize Ran. I told you already, only what you are comfortable with, only what makes you feel good.’

 

‘Yohji. You DO make me feel good, talking to you like that is..... amazing, it’s just-‘

 

‘I know Angel. It’s hard for you, but.... Ran, I want to tell you, describe to you all the amazing things I want to do someday. And this.... this can be a prelude.... Ran, I don’t want to wait much longer. The.... anticipation is growing and soon..... but for now, let me do this Ran. This is my request. For my birthday’ Yohji’s voice dropped to a rasp, breathless as he went on, ‘give me your pleasure. That’s what I want. Let me make you cum Ran, let me tell you, hear you. Let me cum with you.’

 

Ran’s gasp was followed immediately by a helpless moan. ‘Yohji.... yes Yohji.’ Ran’s heart was pounding, leaping to life in his chest....

 

‘oh Angel. Thank you. I’m so hard from wanting you Ran, I- OK. Lay down for me Ran, lay down and relax, what are you wearing Ran? give me a picture to work with.’

 

‘I... I’m wearing a button down white shirt and black drawstring pants Yohji. Nothing special..... o-ok Yohji, I’m.... I’m in my room, on .. on the bed.’

 

‘yes Ran... yes. God I miss you....’ sigh, ‘for the first time Ran, I almost resent WEISS. Not, not the guys, but.... well. I’m glad we’re growing, gaining success, but..... I wish we didn’t travel so much. It didn’t matter before, but now. I have you, and I can’t take you with me, and .... I want to Ran. I want you to be with me on the road, in the audience, here.... in my room.... where I can touch you. Ran,’ Yohji was beginning to pant, just a little as he anticipated the coming moments, ‘Ran.... I want to touch you.... run my hands all over your body, feel your muscle under my palms, your smooth skin, your firm, toned pecs and abs.... but I’m not with you Ran. You’ll have to help me. Will you? For my birthday Ran, will you be my hands?’ he dropped to a whisper, ‘touch yourself for me Ran, be my hands. And Ran, I.... I can’t see you, you have to let me hear you. Please Ran.’ This last was a breathless moan from deep in Yohji’s throat.

 

Ran was glass hard laying there listening to Yohji, and he hadn’t really even said anything yet. Ran was helpless to answer Yohji’s plea, ‘yes Yohji, please’ he moaned deeply, surprising himself. And Yohji too, by the sound of the gasp of his name in response to that yes. He said it again, just to hear the effect on Yohji. ‘yes Yohji.... I .... I want you Yohji. Tell me.... tell me what to do.’

 

‘Ran, damn! Ok. Lay back. Relax. Close your eyes, imagine me there, with you. Running my hands over your torso, down your sides. Be my hands Ran. Open your shirt, trace my hands over your chest, over your abs.... run my hands down your thighs Ran, over the inside of your thighs. Feel the heat Ran, through your soft pants. Ran, gods, are you as hard as I am?’

 

‘yes Yohji!’ Ran gasped, arching just slightly as he grew impossibly harder at Yohji’s question.

 

‘good Ran, that’s good. Gods Angel, so am I..... Take my hand Ran, use it to cup yourself, squeeze a little.’

 

Ran moaned deeply, a wordless expression of his pleasure as his hand wrapped around himself through his pants. He was slightly embarrassed to realize here he was, broad daylight, touching himself as Yohji listened, but soon the pulsing pushed any hesitation away. He fumbled with the drawstring on his waistband as he suddenly _needed_ to touch himself. Needed it in a way he never had before.... ‘Yohji’ he groaned, ‘Yohji.... I ....’ he whimpered as he trailed off, unsure what to ask for, but needed it so desperately.

 

‘Ran’ Yohji moaned back, ‘Angel, god..... I ..... I wish I was there Ran, how I wish I could see you. Are you holding your cock, Ran? is it hard, hot? Mine is Ran, so hard it _hurts_ Ran.’ Yohji was panting now, Ran could hear the sound as his shoulders shifted on the sheets. He knew Yohji was pumping himself and that image strove to almost push Ran over. He had a brief thought that he wished he could imagine Yohji like that naked, rather than in jeans in his mind’s eye, but they hadn’t progressed past heavy petting and so he could only picture Yohji shirtless, no more than that, but that was enough.

 

‘you’re so beautiful Yohji.’ Ran heard Yohji’s sharp intake of breath at his initiative. This was Yohji’s birthday... he could do this. Yohji w _anted_ this. There would be no ridicule, no pain. Ran’s resolve hardened and he began to speak. ‘you – are. Yohji, - I _am_ \- hard Yohji – so – so hard.’ He heard Yohji moan his name, ‘yes Ran, Angel....ngh, ahh...’

 

‘You – you did – did this - to me Yohji.’ Ran was panting, moaning Yohji’s name, pumping faster, his breathing getting faster and faster, he knew, this was not going to last much longer. ‘Yohji, I ... ngh, yo..ji .. yo-‘

 

‘Ran, yes! Cum for me Ran, cum for me, calling my name, Ran.... oh! Damn!’ suddenly, Yohji gasped, then, ‘uh – R – Ran.’ Yohji’s voice, a drawn out growl and Ran knew, Yohji had cum just then, and saying Ran’s name.

 

The image, fuzzy though it was from lack of personal knowledge, was enough to push Ran himself into oblivion. His entire body taut, back arched up from the mattress, Ran dropped the phone. Calling helplessly, Yohji!’ Ran exploded another wordless cry ripped from his throat, ‘ahhh!’ he could do nothing but thrust fast and hard, once- twice-again, into his fist as each throbbing pulse burst from him. Finally, wracked by tremors, his thrusts slowed, and he fell back onto the bed, boneless, still feeling small aftershocks pulsing in his fist. Panting, his breath finally slowing, Ran came to himself slowly. He heard a small, tinnyvoice calling his name. The phone! Yohji! He fully intended to snatch the phone to his ear, but found he couldn’t. He slowly dragged his arm up, sweeping near the pillow to find the phone.

 

‘ – on Ran. Answer me baby, I’m getting worried here.’ Yohji’s voice was taking on a panicky tone.

 

‘Yohji?’ Ran mumbled.

 

‘Ran! Fuck! You scared me. That, that was .... incredible. Are you okay Angel?’ Yohji asked, wishing so so much that he could be there to hold Ran, to feel Ran snuggled against him.

 

‘yeah.... Yohji’ Ran mumbled slowly in a breathless, half asleep voice. ‘that... that was .....nice.’ he sighed.

 

Yohji chuckled. ‘yes Ran, it really really was. Thank you Angel.’

 

‘happy birthday Yohji.’ Ran mumbled, sounding even more as though he were drifting off.

 

‘Ran? You ok babe? Falling asleep on me Angel?’ Yohji smiled, ‘it’s ok Ran. hang up Ran. I’ll text you tonight when we’re on our way home. If you’re awake you can call me back and we’ll talk then. I -’ Yohji cut off suddenly, then coughed a moment. ‘I’ll talk to you tonight or tomorrow Ran. Sleep for now, and dream of me.’

 

‘yes Yohji.’ Ran whispered now and Yohji knew he was asleep. He listened to Ran breath quietly for a few moments, reluctant to break the connection. ‘Sleep Ran.’ he whispered, ‘I love you.’ Finally, Yohji disconnected the call. Knowing sadly that soon the busy tone would wake Ran from his relaxed doze. But, maybe it was best. Ran likely would need a bit of a clean up after that little work out.

 

Yohji got up from his bed and made his way to the shower. Yep, Ran would definitely be in need of a wash when he woke up if he’d cum anywhere near as hard as Yohji had. And, judging from the sound of things, he certainly had.... Too bad Yohji wasn’t there to take care of it for him, to clean him up and take Ran into his arms.... damn. Yohji decided he was definitely taking things to the next level, and soon. He wanted to hold Ran, to touch him.... he’d visited Ran’s apartment a few times now. It wouldn’t cause a stir for him to visit.... hmmm. Next weekend was labor day weekend. He already had the one surprise set up for Ran, may as well spring this too... hmmm... now, how to ... ah, he hadn’t taken Rand dancing yet. Concerned about public display, he had not been so bold. But, there was this small, quiet little backwater bar, up near the racetrack where Ran’s surprise was scheduled for next Saturday. They had the best crabcakes there, and being a small, quiet club, there was little chance anyone would recognize Ran there. Anyone who recognized Yohji knew him already and would make no comment or trouble.... yes, that would work wonderfully. WEISS had the weekend off, nothing scheduled, purposely. They all needed the break, and then, WEISS had their annual Labor day picnic planned that Monday.... yep, that’s the plan. Next weekend, he would make Ran his, then introduce him to the guys, and together they would work out some plan to help Ran escape Krittiker. They had to.....

 

 

Ran awoke to an annoying *banh banh banh banh* repeating in his ear. What the? Oh, the phone. Why is the phone off the hook?. He pulled the phone from his ear and hung up. Ran raised his head and suddenly was slammed with the memory. Oh. My. God. Yohji! He’d fallen asleep on Yohji, not really answering back after that.... that.... mind blowing orgasm.....damn. Ran sighed and climbed from the bed. Looking down in distaste at the pulling sensation of the dried cum splattered over his belly, Ran was assaulted by the smell and overwhelmed for a moment in the memory of Yohji’s voice calling out: *** _‘Ran, yes! Cum for me Ran, cum for me, calling my name, Ran.... oh! Damn!’ suddenly, Yohji gasped, then, ‘uh – R – Ran.’ Yohji’s voice, a drawn out growl...._ *** Ran felt a tightness grip his belly and his knees weakened for a moment.... He wanted that again, but live and in person.... he wanted to touch Yohji, to feel Yohji’s hands on his body.... Taking a deep breath, Ran stretched and made his way to the shower. He knew Yohji wanted him, but Yohji had this plan, this.... need to *do this right*. He would let Yohji set the timeline. Ran was already certain that his heart belonged to Yohji. It was only a matter of time before he gave his body to Yohji as well. He would let Yohji take things at a pace he was comfortable with. Whatever it took to bring Yohji to the conclusion that this was right, and that he belonged to Ran right back. Ran smiled. A full, open, content smile and climbed into the shower. Well, he would certainly rest well tonight. He was so relaxed right now he’d do well to get through the shower. His stomach rumbled and Ran promised himself a nice, juicy steak for Yohji’s birthday as soon as he was done here.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

WEISS finally pulled into the parking lot late Sunday night. Very late. Tired, cranky over the flat tire on the way home, and definitely in need of a shower, Yohji helped Jei unpack the van as Omi went inside to help Ken clean out the gash on his arm. Ken had sliced him forearm pretty badly as he twisted the lugwrench and, though it likely needed stitches, Ken was stubborn like that and refused the hospital, insisting butterfly tape would handle it if only he could clean it out. Omi went in with him, mumbling about hardheaded, stubborn fools.

 

Yohji and Jei made their way inside, both overloaded with instruments and electrics, and dumped the lot in the music room in front. ‘so Yohji,’ Jei said as he tossed Yohji a cold one from the fridge. You gonna see him tonight? You sounded pretty excited on the phone.’ Jei grinned as he took a swallow.

 

Yohji sighed, ‘I dunno Jei... it’s a lot later than I thought it would be, with the stupid tire, and he has to be at the office pretty early...’

 

‘Yohji. The man sounded pretty excited to see you too, from what I could hear. You don’t have to go out dancing or anything, just go over there, let him give the birthday present he was so disappointed he couldn’t give you and enjoy it.’ Jei tilted his head, studying Yohji for a moment. ‘Ya know. I was, skeptical at first, about this guy. I mean, such a .... class difference and all. I mean, I’ve never met him, I have no idea what he’s like but, I wondered... how it could really work, with him being on such a ... different level. And I thought you were crazy when you said the money didn’t matter to him, but... well, I’ve been watching you Yohji, and... you seem happy. Happier than I have seen you in a long, long time. I hope this works. Really. You deserve it man.’ He smiled. ‘So. Go. Go over there, right now, grungy and all, and let him see how you rushed to him, despite the damn tire fiasco, and let him give you the present, and whatever _else_ he may want to give you too.’ Jei leered then, and laughed a quick laugh. ‘I’ll take care of the kid and Ken, you just drive careful.’ Jei pounded Yohji on the shoulder, turned him toward the door, and handed him the keys to the van as he gave him a push. ‘go Yohji.’ He shut the door behind Yohji as he shoved him out onto the step.

 

Yohji grinned, shook his head, and climbed into the van. Jei had deliberately left Yohji’s bag in the seat, a not so subtle hint, and given his ‘blessing’. Guess Yohji couldn’t ask for more than that.

 

Ran sat at his kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea, when his cell buzzed an incoming text: ** **sorry I’m late. Had a flat tire. Am at red light on fulton. B there in a sec.**** Ran smiled. Yohji was almost here. Feeling like a giddy schoolgirl, though he’d never, ever... ever, admit it, Ran jumped from his chair and made his way to the elevator. The overnight guard had not met Yohji and while Ran knew he had the description, there was less likely to be any scene if he just went outside to meet Yohji himself. Ran slipped on his sandals and entered the elevator.

 

As he exited into the lobby, Yohji was just entering the glass doors. Ran was suddenly glad he’d some downstairs. Yohji looked a mess. He looked exhausted. His jeans were muddy, he had a travel bag slung over one shoulder, and a nasty bruise on the left side of his face. ‘Yohji! What happened?!’ Ran couldn’t stop himself from rushing to Yohji’s side, but controlled himself before he pulled Yohji into his arms. No, that would not be a good idea. Not here. As if to bring the point home, before Yohji could answer they were interrupted by the guard. ‘Mr. Fujimiya? Is everything alright?’

 

Ran sighed, softly, gave Yohji a rueful smile, and turned. ‘yes Tim. Everything is fine. My friend, Mr. Kudoh, had some car trouble on his way back from a weekend trip and will be staying here tonight. Thank you Tim for your concern, Goodnight.’ Ran led Yohji into the elevator and waited until the doors closed before quickly turning to Yohji to stare intently at the bruise, assuring himself Yohji really was alright.

 

‘I’m fine Angel, really.’ Yohji assured, ‘I’ll explain everything upstairs. I’m really sorry we got back so late after I told you we’d be back for dinner. Really, Ran.’

 

‘ch! As if I care about that. It’s obvious something happened. I’m just glad you’re ok.’ Ran opened the apartment door, stepping aside to let Yohji enter, and noticed him limping lightly as well. ‘Yohji. You are not alright. Your txt said a flat tire. What the hell? How does a flat tire try to give you a black eye and ... twist your ankle? If I’m not mistaken.’

 

Yohji sighed and dropped his travel bag near the coat closet. ‘no, you’re not mistaken Ran. It’s a twisted ankle, but I’m ok. Just very tired.’

 

Yohji looked tired. Ran immediately regretted scolding him barely inside the door, ‘come on Nissho, let’s get you cleaned up. And you look like you could use a drink.’

 

‘Nissho? What?’ Yohji looked a little bewildered a he followed Ran to the kitchen table. Ran sat him down and pulled the chilled Reisling from the fridge. He poured Yohji a glass as he explained. ‘well, I ... I meant to tell you, yesterday when you called, that I’d found a name for you. A pet name.’ Ran blushed a little as he turned to sit the glass in front of Yohji. But then, um, I got.... distracted.’

 

‘distracted huh?’ Yohji grinned as he took a sip. ‘is that what you are calling it? I like ravished better.’ He smiled Ran’s special smile and Ran couldn’t resist. He leaned over and kissed Yohji. Slowly, languidly. He traced his tongue over Yohji’s lips and was rewarded when Yohji gasped, allowing him to enter Yohji’s mouth, chilled from the wine, tasting sweet.... Ran explored the kiss, keeping it slow, and drew back, taking Yohji’s lip between his teeth briefly before standing back up. Standing there, gazing down into that beautiful face, dazed green eyes watching him, wanting him despite the exhaustion he could see so clearly, Ran husked, ’Happy birthday Yohji. Welcome back.’

 

Yohji reached out, slowly pulling Ran into his lap. He let his head fall forward, forehead resting on Ran’s chest. ‘Damn Ran.... I am just so damn tired.... I’m a mess, I’m sore, I need a shower.... I want to....’ he sighed and raised his head to look at Ran. ‘I want to explore more of my gift from yesterday afternoon Ran.’ he grinned, but not as wide as normal, ‘but there is no way I can do any justice to it right now, just no way.’ His head dropped back down to Ran’s chest and Ran raised a hand to trail fingers through Yohji’s hair. ‘what _did_ happen Yohji? There’s no way you’re so banged up from a flat tire. Were you guys mugged or in a wreck or something?’

 

Yohji chuckled darkly. ‘no Ran. It _was_ flat tire. Just, a flat tire Ken Hidaka style.’

 

Ran pulled back to look at Yohji in confusion. ‘what? What does that mean?’

 

Yohji pushed Ran up, off his lap, and gasped as he did so, ‘Damn Ran, your pants! Shit. I forgot I was all muddy... fuck. Look, let me clean up a bit and I’ll explain everything, ok? I just dropped the guys off and booked over here. I didn’t even stop to change, as you can see. I’m sorry. I should have -’

 

‘No Yohji.’ Ran cut him off. ‘don’t be sorry. I’m glad you came straight away. And to hell with the mud. It’ll wash. I don’t care. I was.... was getting worried. Anyway, go on, jump in the shower real fast. There are towels in the linen closet there. Do you need sleep pants, or is there something in your bag?’ he stood up and stepped back so Yohji could stand.

 

Yohji stood, swaying just a bit, and went for his bag. ‘yeah, I’m all set. This is the spare bag, in case we had to stay over tonight. We all left one out after packing everything else up, just in case. We weren’t sure if we’d cut out tonight or in the morning. Since we got done so early, and I wanted to see you, we cut out tonight.’ Yohji ran his hand through his hair and sighed. ‘Guess we shoulda waited after all.’ He started down the hall, and heard Ran’s voice, low, behind him. ‘I’m glad you didn’t. Even with the flat tire, and whatever happened. I’m.... sorry you’re hurt Yohji but..... I’m glad you’re back more.’

 

Yohji turned to smile just before entering the bathroom, ‘me too Ran, me too.’

 

Yohji exited some twenty minutes later, refreshed. Still bone tired, but blessedly clean. He found Ran sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea before him and a water bottle with small plate of fruit, cheese, and a half sandwich on the table, next to an elegantly wrapped gift box of about the size of a football. Ran smiled at him and patted the sofa. ‘alright Nissho, spill. Tell me what happened.’

 

‘There’s that Nissho again. What is that Ran?

 

Ran smiled again and Yohji sat down. ‘Nissho Yohji, sunshine. It came to me yesterday, just like you’d said it would. Suddenly, standing out on my balcony, basking in the sun, it hit me. You are a light in my darkness Yohji. Guiding me out. My sunshine.’ Ran blushed, ducking his head a moment. Yohji sat there, stunned, too tired to really reply, and Ran went on. ‘you warm me Yohji. Your voice fills me with light, and you, yourself..... looking at you is like.... seeing summer, embodied. Your hair, shining with the sun’s warmth, your beautiful eyes, glowing with summer’s vibrant green. You just... are sunshine. And.... I figured, you.... might not really _like it_ if I went around calling you sunshine in front of people, but..... not many here know Japanese... so.... Nissho. Sunshine’ Ran looked up to find Yohji string at him in awe. ‘Yohji? Are you... alright?

 

 

‘Damn Ran.’ Yohji whispered, ‘you really meant it when you said you wrote poetry huh?’ he smiled the most amazing smile. It lit up his whole being, ‘Angel! That was..... incredible. Poetry... damn me.’ Ran blushed and Yohji softly leaned in for a very soft, very sweet kiss. ‘Ran, I love it. You amaze me constantly. No one has ever made me feel so cherished as you just did.... that was... beautiful.’

 

He sat back, slowly, trailing his thumb over Ran’s lips, and darted his eyes to the box. ‘So. Is this my _other_ birthday present?’ he waggled his eyebrows just a bit at Ran, just to catch that blush again. Rand didn’t disappoint. But, he didn’t let Yohji have the box, either.

 

‘no way Kudoh -’

 

‘Kudoh,’ Yohji whined, what happened to Nissho?’

 

‘It’s Kudoh until you tell me how the hell a flat tire punches you in the face.’

 

‘oh. I forgot that... well, Ken is..... well, he’s very athletic, and strong, and can be quite graceful, but... he’s a klutz when it comes to fixing anything. I shoulda known not to let him try to fix the damn tire, but he insisted, and he was the first one out there, tools and all. Everything was going great, but then the lugwrench slipped, cutting his arm open, and he jerked back. That’s when his elbow connected with my cheek and I let go of the spare. Which then began to roll down hill. Ken was bleeding everywhere, Jei was holding the jack, and Omi was running to the back of the van, the opposite direction, to find the first aide kit. This left me to chase the damn tire. It rolled off the edge of the road, right into a ditch. A ditch I didn’t see in the dark until I was _in_ it.’ Yohji sighed, and sat back on the sofa, pouting a bit. He snagged the plate from the table and began to nibble. ‘thanks for the snack Ran’

 

‘I thought you might be hungry,’ Ran answered absently, as he digested the story. Slowly, he started to chuckle, and soon he was laughing. Not hard, not a loud laugh, but still... Yohji pouted bigger, and glared at Ran. ‘what the hell Ran? I’m injured here.’

 

Ran sobered a bit, but still chucking, he handed the gift box to Yohji. ‘Yohji, my poor Nissho. You deserve your present after such a debacle’ he sobered, ‘I’m sorry Yohji, for laughing, but... what a tale. Are you sure you’re not hurt badly? And Ken. Is he ok?’

 

‘Yohji smiled ruefully. It was a total fiasco Ran. We laughed too, later, when we were almost home..... yeah, I’m fine. Like I said, just sore. My ankle isn’t even swollen, just twingy. And the face will not be pretty for a bit, but we have next weekend off, so that’s fine. Ken’s ok. Probably shoulda got stitches, but he is stubborn bastard, so probably bullied Omi into just the butterflies. I left while they were still arguing about it.’ Yohji pouted at Ran again, and deliberately made big, puppy eyes. ‘Ran...Angel.’ he whined, ‘can I open my present now? Please?’

 

Ran laughed again, a light, carefree laugh, surprising even himself for a moment. ‘yes Nissho. Open it.’

 

Yohji grinned and reached to rip the paper. He was stopped by a firm hand, and Ran’s solemn gaze. ‘carefully Yohji.’

 

Yohji sobered and placed the box on the table. With a glance at Ran, he carefully unwrapped the paper and opened the box. After moving the bunting away, he gingerly lifted the orchid from the foam cradle. ‘Ran’ he whispered, all teasing gone from his voice, a sense of awe about him. ‘Ran... it’s... it’s _beautiful._ How? Where?’

 

‘I went to the glass maker at the boardwalk shop that you like so much. He was eager to try such a challenging piece and agreed to create it. You like it then?’

 

‘like it?! Ran! It’s .... it’s.... I can’t even come up with a word for it....’ he very gently returned then orchid to it’s cradle, and turned take Ran in his arms. He was trembling, lightly from exhaustion and emotion, and Ran held him tightly. ‘come on Nissho. You need rest.’ Ran led Yohji to the bedroom. Yohji followed along, not even able to conjure a comment to show his surprise. He stared at the bed a moment and turned to Ran. ‘Ran’ he whispered, ‘are you sure?’

 

‘I’m sure Yohji, you’re too exhausted to drive anyway. Let’s just sleep. We can talk more tomorrow, after you’ve rested.’ He pushed Yohji into the bed, climbing in after him. He moved them about a bit until he had Yohji securely tucked up against his side, cradled in his arms. He tightened his hold, resting his cheek against Yohji’s head. ‘sleep Nissho. Sleep. Let me hold you, just for now.’

 

‘yes Ran.’ Yohji whispered as he fell into darkness, ‘hold me..........’

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Third Base**

Yohji woke slowly, confused. Something was off. The feeling penetrating his fog that this was not his bed. He tuned over slowly, mind clearing as he became more alert. Aware now that he was in Ran’s bed, he wondered why he was alone. Ran was nowhere to be seen and the apartment had that empty feeling that just made you know no one was home. He sat up fully, pulling himself up against the headboard, rubbing his face. How late was it? He felt slept out. Rested and hungry. He knew Ran had an early appointment, he must have gone to work. Oh well, so much for his brief thought last night of waking up with an arm full of Ran. Or, given how he’d nodded off, being an armful _to_ Ran.

 

Shrugging off his disappointment, Yohji began to climb out of the bed. His eyes fell on a bright green envelope on the dresser bearing his name. He made his way over. There was piece of paper folded in half, laying in front of the envelope. It read, “READ FIRST” Curious, Yohji unfolded the sheet.

 

 

Yohji. The note began. You were so tired, and resting so well, I couldn’t bear to push it when you wouldn’t wake after two tries. It’s ok. You were obviously exhausted. I woke very... content this morning, with you in my arms. While I would have liked to see you wake, watching you sleep had its own rewards. My Nissho. Even asleep you fill me with your light. I thought you may be hungry when you wake. There are breakfast burritos in the fridge, and a fruit tray ready for you. There is oatmeal in the cabinet. This is our first breakfast (almost together) so I am not sure what you prefer. Have whatever you like. I won’t call, in case you are still sleeping. It is my hope you will rest without any bother and wake refreshed. I told the desk guard you may be staying all day, or a day or two, depending on your schedule. So don’t worry about anything if you need to go out for cigarettes or whatever. There is a key on the rack near the door. It’s yours. I’ve been meaning to give it to you for a while. I would like for you to stay Yohji, at least for today. And to feel at home here. I missed you Yohji and I’d like to make your birthday dinner for you that we’d planned. But, if you can’t stay today, I understand. I expect to be home around six. Give me a call when you wake and let me know, if that’s alright. Last night you were so tired, I didn’t even try to give you your birthday card. One of my little rules this time. Everyone should get a card for their birthday. It’s probably better though thhis way. You can read it without me fidgeting in the background. Anyway, call me later.         Ran.

 

Yohji smiled then frowned. Ran had tried to wake him? And more than once? Damn. He must have been even more tired than he’d thought. Yohji closed his eyes remembering last night, his pet name, the flat tire story and Ran’s laughter, and his gift... the orchid. Yohji’s eyes flew open. He wanted to look at it again, in the light of day. He grabbed the card, making his way out of the room. As he started moving, his bladder made it’s protests known, and he stopped off for his morning duties.

 

Making his way to the front room Yohji took a moment to admire the bonsai table near the window, imagining Ran with his morning tea grooming the small trees. He loved to watch Ran with the trees, so gentle as he carefully groomed each one, and he remembered Ran’s comment about spending a small amount of time each morning with his tea watching the day begin at this table. Yohji indulged himself in a small vision of Ran, snuggled in a luxurious plush robe, instead of the thin yukata he was much more likely to wear, or maybe even better, in nothing as he sipping his tea cradled in Yohji’s arms watching the sunrise from this spot.... well, maybe someday.

 

Sighing, Yohji made his way to the coffee table, and gently lifting the box, he headed into the kitchen. He sat the box on the table and turned toward the coffee pot. Caffiene was a very important nutrient. One which he’d been without for far too long. He stopped a moment and smiled as he took in the bright sticky note “I’m just waiting for you to turn me on” He grinned imagining Ran’s adorable blush in creating such a suggestive sticky just for him. He pressed the button, popped a burrito in the toaster oven, and poured a small glass of OJ while he waited.

 

Sitting at the table, he slid the box closer. Carefully Yohji removed the bunting and lifted the orchid sculpture from its cradle. He marveled at the detail now that he was fully awake to appreciate it. As he let his eyes roam over the piece, the angel blending into the orchid, encased in the honey strands, it hit him .... the honey wires shielding, the emerald leaves cradling the fragile orchid angel within... ‘Ran,’ he whispered, tracing a finger over the petals.

 

The oven dinged, pulling Yohji from his musings. He shook his head and gently returned the sculpture to its encasing foam. He grabbed his burro, poured a cup of coffee and returned to the table to open the card. As he did, he glimpsed the clock on the wall. It was almost half past 11. Hmm... maybe he should call Ra first. It was almost lunchtime. He couldn’t believe he’d slept so long with the chance to be with Ran, and didn’t want Ran sitting there convincing himself Yohji wasn’t gonna call. He stepped into the front room and grabbed his cell from his pant pocket dialing Ran’s cell as he returned to the kitchen. He was surprised when a woman’s voice answered. ‘Ran Fujimiya’s office.’

 

Yohji blinked. ‘um... excuse me...’ he glanced at the phone, yep right number..., ‘I... I dialed a cell phone?’ he lightly inquired. The woman answered pleasantly, ‘yes, you did. This is Ran Fujimiya’s phone. He stepped out a moment for a short meeting, and asked me to monitor for calls. Can I take a message?’

 

‘Well. .... um... just tell him Kudoh called. He’ll know.’ Yohji replied.

 

‘ok, I will do that. Thank you.’ The woman disconnected the call. Well. At least Ran would know he’d called. Yohji turned to his breakfast and the card.

 

He opened the envelope and removed the thick, herbal scented paper from within. This wasn’t a typical hallmark... this was hand crafted. The paper was that very thick paper with bits of leaves and what looked to be rose petals imbedded within. It held a light, herbal fragrance that reminded Yohji of Ran’s herbal soap. On the front was traced simply his name in both English and beautifully drawn kanji. He opened the card and within on the right was Happy Birthday Nissho, followed by Ran’s signed name. The left side was taken up by a hand written poem:

**_Sunlight_ **

****

_I cared not for the present, all my thoughts upon the past;_

_Lost, I knew not of the future, life was dark with clouds, o'ercast._

_Storm-clouds billowed and darkened, as my hollow soul withered, hope gone as fears grew;_

_for I foresaw an empty life full of nothing, alone I had no hope, no glimmer of you._

_But now, the beauty of your sunshine, to the present gives a glow,_

_casting warm beams upon the future, one I yearn now to know._

_My soul impossibly grown lighter, alive, as I bask in pleasant dreams;_

_with warmth and light grows brighter, soaked in your life reflecting beams._

_And the storm-clouds that o'ershadow, fade away beneath the rays;_

_as your warmth and golden sunshine with warm brightness fills my days._

_You cast away the shadows, light o’erpowering the darkness in my soul;_

_as you lead me on this journey, give me reason, a life, the future now a goal._

_You teach me that beneath into my soul, where the darkness would abide,_

_where dark thoughts would cast a shadow, to let the sunlight flow inside._

_  
Thus in moments when I’m weary, when the shadows would in darkness nest,_

_Now comes your sunlight - warm and golden, to give my soul its needed rest._

_  
And my troubles quickly lighten, as the storm-clouds backward roll;_

_from the glory of your spirit, from the sunlight of your soul._

_You warm and fill my empty heart, give me strength and light to grow,_

_Shine on me always, My Yohji, My warmth, My sunshine, My Nissho_

_xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx_

 

Yohji read the poem through twice, stunned. Man, Ran really was a poet... such passion hidden inside. Yohji was so excited to see Ran bloom, to watch him open and let his soul come forward. Yohji knew no one else had seen this side of Ran, and for him to put this in writing for him.... Yohji smiled, warmed from deep inside. He cleared the kitchen table and made his way to the balcony for a cigarette.

 

Yohji inhaled the smoke and took a sip of his coffee. Man, what a beautiful day. He finished his cigarette and went inside for a coffee refill. As he stirred the creamer his cell rang. Hm? Omi? Yohji answered. ‘hey bishounen, everything ok?’

 

‘Yohji. Good, I was a little worried since it was so late and we hadn’t heard from you. Not too worried, Jei said you were with your guy, but you were so tired last night.... well, I’m just glad you’re alright.’

 

‘yeah Omittchie, I’m fine. I barely woke half an hour ago. I’m gonna hang here today kiddo. Angel’s gonna make me a special birthday dinner. How’s Ken Omi? Did you talk him into stitches?’

 

‘ch, yeah, right. Stubborn idiot. I cleaned it really good and bandaged it up. It’s good we have this time off. It’ll be time enough to heal as long as he takes it easy and there’s no infection.’

 

‘That’s good Omi. You take good care of him. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow-‘

 

‘Well, Yohji, actually, I... I hoped to get the van back. I wanted to take some of the instruments in for maintenance this week. My keyboard is a little sticky, and Jei’s amp has been cutting in and out.’

 

‘oh. Sure Omi. Hmmmm... well, I need smokes anyway. How about I bring the van by in about an hour? I can show you guys my gift and grab my souvenier for Ran. I left it. You can drop me back here on your way to the music shop. Deal?’

 

‘yeah, that works Yohji. I’ll have all the equipment ready. See you then.’ Yohji hung up and went to get his bag together. Hmmm. Maybe he should leave the overnight bag just in case. Can’t hurt to be hopeful...

 

Yohji leaned against the wall of the music shop enjoying his cigarette as Omi finished up inside. He could hear the kid haggling. No one could haggle like Omi.... he chuckled, then jumped a bit as his cell vibrated in his pocket. Oh good, Ran. ‘hey angel.’ Yohji answered, ‘your girl tell you I called?’

 

‘yes. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you Yohji. I’ve been in meeting after meeting. Father returns tomorrow and I have several loose ends to wrap before then.’

 

 

‘it’s fine babe. I slept way late anyway. Sorry, angel, for not waking this morning. I can’t believe I was that tired. I mean, I sleep like a log, but.... I was looking forward to waking up with you.’ Yohji couldn’t help the smile as he finally said that out loud.

 

Ran cleared his throat lightly, then answered, voice just slightly husky. ‘me too Yohji. But, still, it was nice the way it went anyway. I enjoyed it just as much this way.’

 

Yohji realized Ran must have someone in the office with him and decided to play nice. ‘ok babe, I can tell, you’re not alone. I wont give you a hard time. I let the guys know I will be staying with you tonight. I’m looking forward to it. I’m at the shop with Omi now, dropping off some gear. Need me to pick up anything for tonight?’

 

‘oh Yohji, that’s great. I’m very glad you can do that. How is Ken by the way? Did he need stitches?

 

‘need em? Probably. Get em? Nope. Omi’s gonna watch him for any infection and wait it out. We have this coming holiday weekend off, he can rest up. Hopefully, there wont be any issues.’

 

‘oh, well. That’s good then. Um... well, as to dinner, if you’d like you can bring the drinks. I had thought perhaps some sake, or maybe a nice Reisling. And, well, I’m sorry Yohji but .... I hadn’t made a desert. I wasn’t sure if you’d prefer cake or..... Well, anyway, why don’t you choose a sweet dish? I have everything for the meal. If that’s alright?’

 

‘Yeah Babe. That’s just fine. I didn’t expect you to make me a cake Ran. I mean, I know you like to cook, but you don’t have to do that.’

 

‘but Yohji!, I want to, someday. Just, I hadn’t really talked to you about it, so I didn’t know your preference. I will next time.’

 

Yohji smiled at that. Ran was planning for a year down the road? ‘that sounds great Angel. Just great.’

 

‘Well Yohji, I have a client waiting. I will speak to you later this evening. I hope you have a nice afternoon.’

 

‘oh I will Angel, I can’t wait for tonight Babe. I’ll be waiting.’ Yohji smiled as he hung up. He wondered if Ran had even realized what he’d said about wanting to make a cake for Yohji’s next birthday.

 

Yohji was still grinning when Omi came out from the store. ‘what’s got you so excited?’ he asked.

 

‘Huh?’ Yohji shook himself. ‘oh! Nothing. Just my Angel making me happy. All ready to hit it kiddo?’

 

‘Yeah I’m done here. Want me to drop you at the apartment Yohji?’

 

‘well, can we swing by the store first?’ Yohji asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

‘sure Yohji, no problem.’ Omi answered and led the way to the van.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran bit back a growl as yet _another_ idiot practically ran the limo off the road. He sat back, determined not to watch the traffic _or_ the clock as Yuri did his best to get them to the Gardens without incident. Ran laid his head on the back of the seat and let his thoughts drift back to that morning. Waking so content, so warm, with Yohji wrapped around him. Rolling them so he could look down on Yohji’s sleeping, peaceful face. Enjoying the light kisses he’d trailed as he tried to wake his Nissho. Yohji’s softly spoken words as he slept on, the way he’d said Ran’s name, so softly, so breathless as he dreamed. Yes, Ran could get used to waking like that. He smiled. As wonderful as it was to be held and comfortd by Yohji, he enjoyed just as much holding Yohji too. Taking care of Yohji... tucking Yohji’s head under _his_ chin for a change. Yes, it has been a very pleasant change.....

 

The limo stopped and Ran realized they’d arrived. ‘Oh finally. Traffic was certainly a bitch tonight, hmm Yuri? He commented as Yuri parked. ‘yes sir, it sure was.’ Yuri replied.

 

‘I will not be going out this evening Yuri. Take the night off. I won’t need a car until morning.’ Ran exited the car, grabbing his briefcase from the seat beside him.

 

‘very good sir. Good evening then.’ Yuri closed the door, gave a small bow, and got back in the car.

 

Ran made his way through the lobby and entered the elevator. Arriving at the 9th floor, he exited and went to pull his keys from his pocket. Before he could, the apartment door opened, just slightly. Ran paused, just for a moment, then entered the door.

 

There, off to the side, out of view of the hallway, stood a grinning Yohji. Wrapped in a plush bathrobe of deep, forest green and holding a wineglass in each hand, he looked simply breathtaking. His honey locks falling to brush the extra wide collar of the robe, shining even more golden against the dark green, his eyes shining as he smiled Ran’s warm smile. ‘hey babe,’ he husked as he held out one wineglass to Ran, ‘I was waiting for you.’ He reached behind Ran to lightly close the door as Ran stood there not quite stunned, but close.

 

‘Yohji.’ Ran smiled, ‘I’m glad you’re here.’ He accepted the wine and took a sip. ‘oh, that’s very nice, perfect.’ He took another sip, then leaned in to gently kiss Yohji’s lips. ‘hello Yohji’ he breathed. ‘did you have a nice day?’

 

‘oh baby, yes I did.’ Yohji laughed, then hooked one arm into Ran’s that held the briefcase and steered them toward the sofa. Ran stopped for a moment to leave the case on the table near the door, then let Yohji pull him along.

 

‘really?’ Ran asked. ‘tell me about your day Yohji.’ He sat on the sofa near Yohji, and just let himself melt into Yohji’s side. Ah, he could quickly get used to coming home to an apartment that was not empty, cold, silent, but instead was warm, with Yohji waiting for him.... it made such a difference. ‘I should start dinner.’ He made to stand, but Yohji kept a firm hold of the arm around his shoulder.

 

‘Not yet Babe, not just yet. First relax for a short minute. Finish this welcome home glass of wine, _then_ I will follow you to the kitchen and watch you do your magic.’ He pulled just a bit until Ran relaxed again into Yohji’s side.

 

Ran sighed and let himself snuggle against Yohji’s shoulder. ‘hmmm.... this _is_ nice Yohji.’ He sipped his wine as Yohji chuckled. ‘uh huh, I know. Very nice.’ Yohji squeezed Ran briefly, then relaxed himself against the back of the sofa. ‘well, my day... hmm. I woke up in a very nice, very soft bed, wrapped in this warm, lush blanket that smelled of my favorite herbal shampoo for some reason,’ he smiled down at Ran warmly, ‘then I got to read this incredible love poem that made me feel like I was something really special. I had some perfect coffee, and a very tasty breakfast burrito, then I did some shopping.’ He looked down at Ran again, eyes twinkling. ‘there’s a beautiful strawberry cheesecake in the fridge by the way... mmm, mmm. Anyway, then I came back here and shamelessly spent the afternoon dozing and being generally a complete lazy bum just like you’re supposed to for your birthday. How about you Angel, how was your day?’ Yohji sipped from his wine and placed a kiss against Ran’s temple.

 

Ran took a deep breath against the side of Yohji’s chest, then sat back, just a bit, to sip his wine as well. ‘hmm, I awoke this morning very warm, and exceedingly comfortable and rested, considering the bony hip digging into me.’ He grinned at Yohji’s sputtered squawk ‘b -bony? Why you-’ Ran laughed lightly, then leaned forward to kiss Yohji softly. ‘it was perfect.’ He whispered before reaching up to cup Yohji’s face in his palm as he opened his mouth to kiss Yohji deeply. Yohji melted into the kiss, wrapping his arm tightly about Ran’s shoulder and pulling him closer. He leaned back against the sofa so Ran was more on top of him than just beside him and rubbed with the back of his hand that held the wineglass against Ran’s back. Yohji hummed lowly in his throat as Ran slowly pulled back. ‘perfect Yohji, I ..... very much enjoyed waking with you here.’ Ran leaned in for another quick peck, then stood up. He held out a hand to Yohji, ‘come Nissho, talk to me while I prepare your dinner.’

 

Yohji sighed, grinned, and let Ran pull him up. ‘ok, I guess, but I get to sample everything.’ He followed Ran to the kitchen. There on the table sat a gift box. Ran blinked and stopped for a moment before going to the fridge to take out the dinner preparations. ‘what’s this Yohji? Did you get another gift from the guys you wanted to show me?’ Ran asked as he laid out the pre-rolled meatballs and diced peppers and mushrooms for the pasta sauce he planned.

 

‘No. this is a present I got for myself. Here, I’ll show you.’ Yohji reached over to open the box as Ran placed the meatballs in the oven and poured the other items into the saucepan to sauté. Ran turned as he caught a flash of dark violet from the corner of his eye. There stood Yohji holding a robe just as plush and full as his the one he wore in a shade of deep violet so dark as to almost appear black. The light bringing out highlights of violet as the velveteen fabric moved when Yohji shook it out. ‘it’s a souvenier for you baby. As soon as I saw these at the hotel I had to have them for us. This color will look incredible on you. Your hair against this deep dark color, your skin, and I know it will make your eyes even more intense than they are. And it’s so _soft_ Ran. Feel it, it’s like..... wearing a cloud or something. Warm and cozy, soft and plush. I can’t wait to see you wear it. This is a present from me to me – go change baby. Let that simmer and go put this on. I wanna hold you and run my hands over this velvet up and down your arms as I hold you against me, feel that deep collar against my face as I nuzzle you.’ Yohji’s eyes had darkened by the end of this, ‘Damn Ran.’ he whispered. ‘I thought about it all the ride home until that fucking tire blew out, then I forgot to bring them last night with everything. Really, I can’t wait to see it on you.’

 

Ran smiled at Yohji’s enthusiasm and reached out to run his fingers over the thick collar. ‘it’s beautiful Yohji,’ he murmured. ‘I can’t wait to wear it, it looks incredible soft.’ Ran began to undo the buttons on his shirt and Yohji softy covered his hand with one of his own. ‘Ran’ he spoke softly, ‘I have _really_ been thinking about this too long. If you plan to finish cooking that pasta, trust me, go change in the other room. I will wait here.’ He smiled an incredible smile, eyes shining, full of want as he caressed the side of Ran’s neck. ‘go on baby, but hurry back.’

 

Ran blushed, and took the robe from Yohji’s outstretched arms, edging past Yohji to leave the kitchen, murmuring quietly with a smile, ‘yes Yohji’ as he left the room. Yohji laughed, a full sexy, happy laugh and turned to the counter to refill their wineglasses. ‘I’ll get you for that later Angel, just you wait.’

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Dinner was incredible, just as Yohji’d known it would be. Now he and Ran were on the sofa, coffee on the table with two slices of cheesecake, a Clint Eastwood western playing on the TV. Neither man had any idea of the scene playing out in the film. No thought was given to the cooling coffee, or the slowly melting glaze adorning the cheesecake. Instead, soft panting and moans filled the room. A name floated above the moaning. ‘Ran’ Yohji groaned as he kissed Ran deeply, more fully than he had yet before. He lightly rocked against Ran’s thigh as he caressed Ran’s chest through the opening of the robe. ‘Yohji’ Ran moaned, then he whimpered completely against his will as Yohji’s mouth closed over one nipple for the first time. Ran arched upward, ‘Yohji’ he gasped, ‘that’s....ungh!’

 

Yohji smiled to himself as he continued to torture Ran. He’d just _known_ Ran would be incredibly sensitive. And, knowing Ran had never experimented, he knew Ran wouldn’t have thought to test his nipples. Hell, for all he knew the other night’s touches were the most Ran had done. He moved to the other side, twisting the one he’d left as he nibbled on and licked the other. Ran was squirming now, not knowing what he wanted, but needing _something._ ‘Yohji, ngh, ah... huh... Yohji _please’_

 

Yohji gave one last, full lick over Ran’s chest, pushing firmly against that nipple, before raising his head. ‘Ran’ he husked, ‘Ran. I’ll take care of you baby, it’s ok. But Ran. Look at me.’ He waited for sense to return to Ran’s eyes. He didn’t want the fire to cool completely, but he wanted Ran fully aware as he spoke. ‘Ran.... I want to take this new step nice and slow too.’ He held up a hand as Ran opened his mouth to protest. ‘No Babe, listen. I will definitely take care of this, I swear. Just, I want to experiment, get to know every hot spot,’ he traced over Ran’s nipple, relishing the gasp that followed, ‘every special spot on your body, one at a time. To show you mine, to explore each other and take our time. There’s no rush. One of these days, we’ll make love completely, but there will be many make out sessions first. Many touches, tastes, discoveries first, if I have my way. I won’t hurt you Ran any more than can be avoided. I know you _know_ what’s involved, but you haven’t _known_ it. Baby steps Angel. I will take you over the edge, and fall with you, so many times, but... let’s learn each other before that final cliff. Okay? Let me open each layer, bit by bit. Is that alright, Ran? Do you... understand? Let me guide you in this, please. I swear it’ll be so so worth it.’ He tweaked Ran’s nipple again, and ran his other hand down Ran’s abs, stopping just below his navel.

 

‘Ran?’ Yohji watched as Ran smiled, slowly, ‘yes Yohji.’ He whispered ‘I trust you, completely. Guide me, show me, but.... let me touch you too Yohji. I want to touch you too, please?’ his eyes held just a hint of uncertainty as he voiced this request. Then, that faded completely to be replaced with wonder as he felt Yohji’s cock _jump_ against his thigh. He smiled, confidence in his eyes as Yohji moaned, ‘oh _god_ yes Ran, absolutely yes.’

 

Yohji leaned down to kiss Ran thoroughly, again tracing over Ran’s nipples with both hands. He lifted to watch Ran’s face as he tweaked each one. ‘See Ran’ he whispered as Ran whimpered and writhed again under him. ‘This, this is one of those buttons I was talking about. Clearly, your nipples are a hot spot.’ He leaned down to catch one between his teeth, pulling gently, causing Ran to arch up from the sofa. He released Ran and ran his palm over it as Ran panted and blushed. ‘I bet you didn’t know that about yourself, did you? This is why I want to explore. I want to find every little spot that does this to you. I know another already. Not as strong, but still...’ and he leaned in to bite lightly at the junction of Ran’s neck and shoulder. Again Ran started to writhe against Yohji’s thigh searching for pressure, friction, a wordless plea torn from him as he moaned. ‘Ohh,’ a deep, throaty moan, ‘ ..unh... uh...hah... ahhh.....Yo.... Yohji.....’ breathlessly panting now. Ran was every bit as hard as he was earlier and Yohji couldn’t wait any more.

 

‘ok Angel, ok.... I’ll fix it, trust me’ Yohji pushed Ran’s robe open off his shoulders and, for the first time, looked over his Angel fully. ‘Damn Ran, you’re so sexy, incredible.’ He lay down beside Ran on his side and trailed his hand down Ran’s abs, tracing that line of hair below his navel. Ran’s hard, straining erection twitched, and a pearl of pre-cum overflowed the tip as Yohji’s fingertips brushed over him for the first time. Yohji caught that pearl on his fingertip and brought it to his lips. Ran moaned deeply and Yohji reached out to palm him against his onw belly, applying just a bit of pressure, loving the feel of Ran’s cock jumping under his hand. ‘Ran, Angel.... you are so ... so hot, so sexy, so beautiful.’ Yohji glanced back up at Ran to find him lifted up on his elbows, smoldering violet eyes locked on Yohji’s hand resting against him. Those beautiful eyes tracked Yohji’s hand as he raised it to lick several times over his palm and fingers. Ran’s eyes widened and his breath sped up grew more frantic as he watched Yohji. Then, they slammed closed, only to snap open impossibly wide to search out Yohji’s own as Yohji gripped Ran tightly in his fist, again for the first time. Yohji didn’t move, not yet, just held Ran in his palm, tracing his thumb up over the head of Ran’s cock in his firm grasp. A gripping squeeze, then relaxing only to begin to squeeze again.

 

There was _such_ a look on Ran’s face. Wonder, lust certainly, almost a look of pain as Ran tried to speak, ‘Yoh.... yohj... ah!’ Ran almost screamed as Yohji began to pull him. ‘Ran’ Yohji moaned helplessly, ‘oh Baby, yes’ Ran immediately lost himself, head thrown back, eyes wide, he thrust upward completely on instinct, unable to form any coherent thought, ‘ah... ngh!.... hhhuhh! Oh!’ Yohji began to pull harder, faster, still squeezing tightly as Ran’s thrusts grew more frantic. Yohji had just _known,_ been _certain_ , that Ran would shatter at the first touch of another. Yohji drank in the sight of Ran, panting, flushed, thrusting up into his hand.... Yohji was painfully hard and almost gripped himself, but forced that back. He pushed against Ran’s hip, just a bit to take the edge off. But this, this first time, was about _Ran._

 

Finding Ran’s rhythm, Yohji continued to stroke, murmuring encouragement all the while as Ran panted, knuckles white with the grip of his fingers in the robe spread out beneath him. Ran was beyond any semblance of speech now, moans and groans even giving way to sounds in the back of his throat and the occasional whimper as he fucked Yohji’s fist. Yohji was transfixed as he watched Ran’s abs contract, felt Ran’s sac tighten against his hand, ‘Yes!’ he hissed, ‘Yes Ran... cum for me Ran, let go, give it to me Ran, give me your pleasure, you..... Cum Ran, please!’

 

‘Yohji!’ Ran did scream as his body went completely rigid, arched upward from the sofa, ‘uunnnnhhh!’ Ran’s body completely on its own thrust upward in staccato thrusts, deep shudders, really, as he erupted. Hot, white essence pulsing out in bursts to stripe his own belly and Yohji’s hand.

 

Yohji continued to pull, milking this amazing orgasm for all he could as he helplessly pressed up against Ran’s hip. Despite his tightening his stomach and holding back as hard as he could, he couldn’t ..... ‘fuck! Ran, I’m....’ Yohji couldn’t hold back his own eruption, pressing tightly against Ran’s hip and thigh to throb out his cum. Still holding Ran in his fist, not pulling now, just holding, feeling each softer throb of Ran’s cock as his pulsed too. His other hand shot out and grabbed Ran by the back of the neck, pulling Ran against him, he buried his face in Ran’s shoulder and came, overcome by bring Ran over this cliff. Ran’s arms shot up to encase Yohji, holding him tightly as he rode out the rest of his climax, and felt _every beat_ of Yohji’s pulse against his hip and thigh. Each hot spurt shooting out with such force.....

 

Finally, panting, each man’s grip began to loosen, to be replaced by stroking caresses, Ran over Yohji’s back, Yohji tracing circles in Ran’s hair against the back of his neck and over Ran’s hipbone as he released Ran’s cock from his hand. Yohji relaxed, easing down so he was partially splayed out over Ran’s torso held in Ran’s arms. ‘Ran.... god, I.... I meant to wait.... to hold back, but’ he panted, placing light kisses against Ran’s chest.

 

‘Yohji,’ Ran breathed, ‘Nissho, that was.... that was incredible. I’ve.... I never..... we _have_ to do that again.’ Yohji chuckled, ‘only next time, I want to touch you too Yohji, promise.’ Yohji lifted his head, ‘oh Baby, that is one promise I absolutely cannot wait to keep.’ He smiled that amazing, warm, beautiful smile and leaned in to kiss Ran. A slow, languid, deep tender kiss. He pulled back. ‘C’mon Babe. Next step is a nice warm shower and massage, then I get to sleep with you in my arms while I’m not dead exhausted and can _enjoy_ it. Then I get to wake up with you still here.’

 

Ran smiled back, tracing a hand over Yohji’s cheek, ‘yes Yohji’ he whispered, ‘anything you say, Sensei.’ He leaned up and kissed Yohji lightly as Yohji blinked. ‘Sensei huh? Hmm, I could get used to that. Yohji have to obey like a good apprentice now, remember that.’ He kissed Ran once more, a nip to the tip of his nose and pushed up to stand.

 

Yohji looked down, taking in Ran spread out on the sofa, robe open, legs splayed, one knee slightly bent....’Damn Ran, you are...... truly beautiful. My Angel. Come. Shower, then sleep. Thus ends lesson one. Let me hold you Babe’ He held down his hand, smiling.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran woke to the sensation of an incredible _heat_ engulfing him. He moaned from deep in his chest as he opened his eyes to see Yohji’s _mouth_ wrapped around him. ‘Yohji!’ he gasped, then again as Yohji _sucked_ on his cock, rubbing a hand over his balls, the other running up his abs to trace around a nipple. ‘Yohji.....’ he moaned again, completely overwhelmed by that _heat_ .... and the _suction_.... ‘Yohji! Wait Yohji, he panted, ‘wait.....I’ll..... wait, let me touch you too Yohji, please.’ Yohji moaned at the request and Ran almost lost it right then. Would have, if Yohji hadn’t sat up, letting Ran fall from his mouth. He kept pressure on Ran’s cock with his palm as he spoke. ‘Damn Ran. I woke up next to you, from reliving the sofa in my dream, and .... well .... fuck! I was so horny, I couldn’t _stand it_. I had to touch you again. Then.... to watch you grow and harden under my hand, even while you slept....’ His eyes smoldered at Ran as his palm began to slide over him, ‘you said my name Ran, even sleeping you respond to me Baby, god, I had to wake you, and I wanted _so_ badly to taste you. Look at me Ran, I am _so fucking hard_ .... It hurts Angel.... hurts so good.’

 

Ran _was_ looking, had been unable to _stop_ looking. Yohji kept calling him beautiful when it was _Yohji_ who was so gorgeous, incredible, sex personified, Adonis... perfect. Ran reached out and took Yohji in his hand, eyes locked on the beads dribbling from Yohji’s slit as he slowly squeezed and..... pulled....as Yohji’d done to him last night. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, ‘let me..... let _me_ taste _you.’_ His eyes flew up to Yohji’s face as Yohji hissed and his cocked.... _pulsed._ A large dollop of pearly fluid overflowing. ‘Yohji’s eyes were closed, his head tilted back. He was panting and his grip on Ran’s cock squeezed as he hissed, ‘yes Ran, _please.´_

 

Ran smiled, and eased up to gently push Yohji back onto the mattress. He looked into Yohji’s eyes, a hint of uncertainty twinging in his chest. ‘Yohji, I ...... I’ve never.... but I _want_ to’ he quickly went on before Yohji could speak, ‘I want to Yohji, tell me Sensei,’ he smiled as Yohji’s eyes flew open and his cock jumped again, ‘teach me, tell me what to do... Sensei.’ Ran leaned down to lightly tasted Yohji’s juices as Yohji watched, stunned. ‘talk to me Yohji. Tell me Yohji, tell me how to pleasure you, don’t stop talking.’’

 

‘God Ran’ Yohji breathed, then flopped back completely. ‘just... taste me baby.... lick me. Ran’ Ran’s name came out a deep groan as Yohji jerked up just a touch before forcing himself to stay put. ‘Ran!’ he hissed as Ran traced his tongue over the slit, tasting, darting in quickly. Then Ran twirled his tongue around the tip, tracing the contour of the mushroom head, back down to the underside, following the vein down to the base of Yohji’s shaft. ‘Ran.... R.... uh, Damn! Take .... take me.... _into_ your mouth Ran, _please._.... Yohji almost whimpered.’

 

Ran quickly complied, sucking Yohji into his mouth, rolling him around on his tongue like a hard candy. ‘uhh... hah.. hah... Ran....’ Yohji whispered, almost unable to talk. He panted now, eyes closed, teeth clenched, ‘Suck me Ran’ he rasped, ‘oh fuck!.... hah.....unh... Ran! suck me Baby, Angel.... don’t.... don’t try to .... take too.... too much.... hold..... hold the.... the shaft in your ha-..... hand... Ran!’ Yohji arched upward as Ran began to suck on him in earnest, determined to bring Yohji to the same point of no return he’d faced himself last night.

 

Ran moaned as he felt his cock throbbing, growing _harder_ as he pleasured Yohji, then when Yohji jerked at that, he remembered how it had felt when Yohji moaned around him a moment ago and he moaned again, determinedly this time, dragging it out into a hum. ‘mmm – hmmmm’

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji called out, ‘Ran! yes, fuck!... Suck me Ran, god, taste me... Ran,..... pull.... squeeze, yes! Angel, don’t....hnnnggh....don’t stop, Ran, .....just....like...that....nnnnggghh!’ Yohji whimpered now, _so close!_

 

Ran could feel something changing, Yohji began to _tighten,_ his balls starting to draw up under Ran’s palm that rested there and he pressed down, ‘Ran!... shit!.. Ran.’ frantically Yohji pushed at Ran’s head, giving warning, even as his fingers entwined in Ran’s hair. Ran pulled back at the first spurt, unsure and not wanting to do anything wrong here. Yohji was so insistent that he pull back, so he did, tightening his grip around Yohji’s length, he pulled Yohji out of his mouth, swallowing the bit from that first pulse, watching entranced as Yohji’s cock twitched in his hand, erupting over his fingers that continued to squeeze and pull, trailing down to Yohji’s thatch of golden curls and even one or two forceful spurts shooting up toward Yohji’s belly.

 

As the spurting pressure eased and Yohji’s short thrusts reduced to tremors, he leaned down to taste it, just a bit, on the tip of his tongue. ‘oh Ran...’ Yohji whispered and Ran looked up to find Yohji watching him, eyes wide, dazed. Unsure, Ran sat back. ‘I’m sorry Y-‘

 

“sorry?! God! What for?’ Yohji was floored. Sorry? After that.... incredible.... fucking _hot_ blow job? ‘Ran! you were.... I mean..... fuck Ran! That was amazing! What could you possibly be sorry for?’ his eyes were round, incredulous.

 

‘Well,’ Ran lowered his eyes, ‘you... you didn’t want me to .... swallow you, and I... I just wanted a taste, just to see-‘

 

‘What? Ran. I wanted to warn you, it..... it snuck up on me... I was gonna cum, and I ... I couldn’t stop it, I knew. This was your first time baby. I didn’t ... I didn’t want you to have to.... if you didn’t like it or....’ he sighed and reached for Ran’s hand. ‘some ... some people don’t like to taste it Ran. Pre-cum is... lighter, sweeter. Getting shot with a mouthful, and I _knew_ it would be a mouthful baby, I could feel it building. Well, I didn’t want to surprise you your first time, especially if you don’t like it.’ He tilted his head, and rubbed the back of Ran’s hand. ‘when you leaned down for a taste just now, I _swear_ I shot another small load just then. That was.... the hottest thing Angel, damn.’

 

Ran smiled shyly, ‘Really Yohji? You weren’t .... upset? It’s... ok, if I... try a taste?’

 

“fuck yes Ran, it’s ok. It told you before Babe. What makes you feel good. If you want to taste me, by all means,’ he leered and waggled his eyes just for a second, ‘feel free Angel, any time.’

 

Ran smiled then and leaned down to run his tongue through a white spatter just below Yohji’s belly button. He rolled it on his tongue a bit. It was .... different. Not warm any longer, this had a slightly different flavor than that first dose he’d taken. Not _bad_ just..... different. It would take a little .... getting used to, but it wasn’t as bitter as medicine or anything, and he thought maybe the more he tasted, the better it could be. He determined next time to ignore Yohji and let it erupt into his mouth. If he didn’t like it, he could always not swallow it.

 

He looked up from his musings to find Yohji watching him. Eyes half lidded, intent. ‘Fuck Ran..... you are.... you have no idea..... just... no idea.’ He whispered. Then he sat up, deliberately grazing his arm along Ran’s still hard cock as he did so.

 

‘Your turn baby. Let me finish this. _I_ am going to taste _you_ now. All of you. Lesson time.’ He pushed Ran down, ‘feel and learn, grasshopper.’ He smiled

 

‘grasshopper?’ Ran growled, ‘Yohji I swear-‘

 

‘oh yes. Grasshopper. Let me impart my wisdom.’ He cut off any protest Ran could voice by leaning down and _swallowing_ him. Whole. Fully seated in Yohji’s throat Ran could do nothing but cry out, ‘Yohji!’ his hands shot to entwine in Yohji’s hair as his neck arched back against the pillows. Then Yohji _swallowed_ , or something, constricting his throat as his tongue darted around Ran’s cock and Ran helplessly arched further back. ‘oh fuck! Yohji, what.... what the..... shit! What are you _doing_?’

 

Yohji gripped Ran’s left hip in his hand, the other hand shooting up to wrap his fingers with Ran’s right hand. Gripping tightly, he urged Ran to rock into his throat, ‘Go Yohji!, I..... oh! ..... never...... felt..... _anything_ Then Yohji eased back, just a bit and began to _suck_ him, like he was trying to draw Ran’s _soul_ out through his cock. Ran felt tears running down the sides of his face as he cried out, Yohji! Yes, oh god!’ Yohji. That’s..... I....Please!..... Yohji!.... please........ it... Yohji!’ he hissed, ‘’god! Yohji, it’s... it’s coming Yohji.... I ..... can’t..... believe.... so.... quick... Yohji! I can’t st-.... stopit.... Ahhh!’ Yohji clamped onto Ran to keep him from pulling back, in fact, pulling Ran in _deeper_ as he just held Ran’s pulsing cock deep in his mouth. He closed off the back of his throat to let the cum pool there around the head of Ran’s cock, knowing it would intensify the heat surrounding him.’

 

Yohji waited until Ran’s tremors stopped, then swallowed with Ran still in his mouth, drinking Ran down. He hummed at Ran’s hiss, and fondled his softening cock with his tongue until he was drained and clean. Finally, Yohji let Ran fall from his mouth and looked up. Ran lay there, completely boneless. Eyes closed, cheeks flushed, sweaty hair tendrils around his face. ‘so beautiful’ Yohji whispered. He crawled up Ran’s side and pulled Ran into his arms, running his hands up and down Ran’s back until he felt him stir. ‘Yohji?’ Ran mumbled.

 

Yohji chuckled, ‘yeah Babe. I’m here. You okay?’

 

‘more than.’ Ran mumbled softly, ‘what time is it Yohji?’ Ran asked, breathless, eyes still closed. Yohji glanced at the clock. ‘not yet seven Angel. You got a bit. Doze 15 minutes or so, then we’ll shower and you can face the day.’

 

‘ok’ Ran breathed against Yohji’s chest and Yohji felt him nod off almost immediately. Well. It _had_ been a mind blowing orgasm, just as Yohji’d planned. Especially for a first time blow job. Yohji smiled smugly and snuggled Ran in closer to his side. Resting his head against Ran’s hair, he breathed in deeply. ‘damn Ran.... I am falling here babe, and hard.’ He kissed Ran’s head, then reaching over to the bedside table for a smoke, he lay back to wait until it was time to wake Ran and go back to real life.....

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Friday afternoon. Just two more hours and Ran would be done for the weekend. Nothing scheduled for Saturday, no priority paperwork demanding his time. Just two, maybe three more hours, one more investor to smooth things with and he would have a whole weekend to himself. A whole weekend he had promised to Yohji. A holiday three-day weekend at that. For once, no Friday gig tonight, no weekend trip, no office Monday. Three delicious days to relax and just be. He’d promised Yohji to meet the band on Monday, and honestly, he was nervous. But, tonight, tonight was just for him and Yohji. Ran had a surprise in mind and was eager to see Yohji. He smiled just slightly, completely unaware of the look on his face as he pictured Yohji in his mind’s eye, smelled Yohji’s scent – a hint of spice, like cloves maybe...that special soap he used lingering around him, heard that warm voice murmur his name….

‘So, you have been busy, hmm Ran? Suddenly you’re making friends now.’ His father sneered at him across the conference room table as they awaited the afternoon’s meeting. Ran tensed immediately, cold inside. What was this? Obviously he hadn’t spoken to anyone at the office about Yohji. It had to be about Yohji, he had no other *friends* Although Ran gave no outward sign of his dread, his father had been taunting him long enough to catch the slight tightening of his jaw, the hardness in his eyes.

‘Oh yes,’ Persia laughed darkly, ‘I’ve heard about your little excursions lately with that Kudoh. It had better be just a friends thing Ran….. Hmph!, Nevermind, I don’t have to warn you about indiscretion, I’m sure. You know better than to disgrace yourself _or me,_ in public. I’ve taught you that much at least. I better have.’ He glared a moment at Ran, then a truly wicked gleam came into his eye and his lip curled. Ran braced himself. Whenever his father got that look he knew something truly viscous was about to spew from his mouth, ‘So, what?’ he sneered at Ran, ‘Decided to give up on sleeping beauty?’

Ran almost gasped aloud. If he hadn’t braced himself in advance, he would have. As it was he was helpless to stop the widening, then reflexive closing of his eyes, the automatic clenched fists. ‘I told you she was more trouble than she’s worth. Finally came to the conclusion that your time can be better spent hmm? No more Sunday afternoons whiling away the hours at the bedside? No need to waste time talking to a vegetable huh? Got your own place now. Time to be a man, find some *outside interests*. Finally. Took you long enough.’ He murmured under his breath ‘even if they are a perversion. Figures. Wasted DNA,’ His voice returned to normal volume, jeering ‘ Even if you have elected to make _friends_ with a loser like Kudoh.’

Ran seethed, he was trembling, clenching his jaw so hard he was sure his father was fully aware of the effort the self control was costing him. Aware and reveling in it, it seemed. Persia had scorned him his entire life, and since Aya’s injury, the open derision had grown, but this.... this eclipsed anything thus far. It was almost as though he *wanted* Ran to lose it, was waiting for him to do so. Ran took a deep breath, convinced this was Persia’s goal. An excuse to rescind on Aya’s ongoing care, to goad Ran into something.... Ran fought with all he had, every ounce of strength directed to the need for control, to hold back, to find some semblance of calm.

Persia went on with his tirade, obviously looking for reaction now. ‘Yeah, I did some checking into that Kudoh kid Ran. Your _friend._ You’d better know better than to bring that excuse for a band of his before Krittiker. How long has this little friendship of yours been going on Ran? How long has he been trying to worm his way in? Been nice to you despite who _and what_ you are. Oh, wait. He’s one too isn’t he? Not completely, they tell me. He’s a switch hitter huh? Is that why you pushed for WEISS over Mercury? You playing catcher for this loser Ran?’ Persia swiped a hand across the table in front of him ‘Forget it, I don’t care. I wouldn’t have backed WEISS anyway, not once I got further into just who these losers are. Has he told you about those excuses for bandmates of his? Criminal records, trouble in school, and this before they were in a rock band and needed hype or press. Foster homes, wards of the state. Ch.’ He sneered more fully, leaned forward just a bit toward Ran. ‘What a bunch of trash. None of them except that Takatori kid had a proper upbringing. I wonder how he got roped into them. His family is well off. He’s supposed to be a true computer wizard. Why his father would have sent him to a public high school where he could be influenced by loser rats like that Kudoh is beyond me. They probably keep him around to finance everything. Must have something over his head…. Maybe he’s a little whore like you......’ Persia mused a moment, eyes distant, as though really trying to figure out why Omi was with WEISS.

Ran’s heart was pounding. He couldn’t breathe fully, could barely _see_ he was so angry. Just as he gained a measure of control over his throat, he realized he was about to try to vocalize his hatred, his anger, and damn the consequences. Aya. God Aya. He had to focus, get through this. He swallowed, or tried to. His dry mouth preventing, almost choking him. He focused all his intent on picking up the water bottle in front of him and taking a drink without wearing it. He knew his hands were shaking. He squeezed the bottle in his grip, trying to minimize the effect. He swallowed a small sip of the tepid water. Just enough to moisten his mouth.

As he returned the bottle to the tabletop Persia went on, oblivious to the eruption building right in front of him, borderline on exploding already. He continued to heap coals on the flame, unaware of Ran’s slipping grip on control. ‘Whatever. I don’t care. His fault he didn’t raise his son right. Some men just don’t care about honor, family pride. Pathetic. Then there are those of us with no options but to make do with the trials life throws at us.’ He studied Ran intently.

Ran remained rigid, his eyes never leaving Persia’s face, waiting for the next bomb Persia would lob at him to make him lose his hold. ‘Did you know Ran? Kudoh’s father had a chance in Japan to make something of himself. He was a promising prospect in the company he worked with. Could have done something with himself. Instead, he threw it all away for some off breed American military slut he *fell in love with* of all things. He got her pregnant and came here to live as practically a pauper in _America_ – willingly, with no company backing, no expansion or _reason._ Raising a half breed mongrel with no proper Japanese influence. Let the rat be a ‘mutt’ in New York of all places so his slut wife could stay here... Well, I guess he probably never really would have amounted to anything anyway. Breeding will tell. He had no proper upbringing either. He probably would have screwed up before he went very far, promise and potential be damned. If he was that much of an idiot it would have developed soon regardless. May as well go on and throw it away for Love as for anything else. Psh! Love. Whatever. You know Kudoh’s only pushing this friendship thing with you to get a contract, or to get to your wallet right? So, what? You reliving your so called *missed childhood* Ran? Going to the Aquarium, fancy car shows, all that fun stuff you never did as a boy? Getting some male bonding time? You didn’t *have* to spend all your free time locked up entertaining that whiny brat of a sister you know. She would have been just fine locked in her room with her stuffed toys. Wouldn’t have hurt her to spend some time alone. A few tears never hurt anyone. Might have toughened her up a bit…. Maybe a few nights locked up would have dried those tears right up, like they did yours. At least you learned when to shut your trap. But no, that’s right, you _liked_ spending time with her didn’t you? Making her _feel_ better. Singing songs, playing _doll house, tea time._ That’s right… I forgot how _delicate_ you were as a child.’

Persia sneered again at Ran, then dropped his voice to a deep growl. ‘you just remember boy, how much you _care_ about that lump of clay laying in that bed’ Ran saw red for a moment, his control precarious. Persia’s voice penetrated the haze. “Yes. That’s right. For whatever reason, you do, and that means you do as I say. You want to be _friends_ with this Kudoh, fine. You do that. But you remember Ran – discretion. I mean it. If one _inklin_ g of anything…. off.. hits the press and splashes your muck on me I will destroy you. She will be _gone._ For now, I don’t care…. Well, forever I don’t care – about you, her, your _friends_ your hobbies, not a bit. If I could, I’d erase you Ran. You know that. But, you are rather… memorable, with that horrid hair, those demon eyes. So. I can’t get rid of you, erase you. You’re too public. But this means too Ran that what you do, reflects on me. If you drag me into muck Ran so help me….

For now, play. Hell, set him up like your damn geisha if you want. Ran ‘s eyes widened the tiniest bit. Just remember geisha are meant to be discreet, in the shadows. And remember too, nothing lasts forever. At some point I will put a stop to this. It’s just not worth the trouble right now. Besides,’ that gleeful malice crossing his face again, Persia purred evily, ‘I will relish it when I do end this.... friendship, whatever it is . You won’t know when I’m coming Ran, when it will be done with. Yes. That’s the way to deal with infection. Let the wound fester, come to a head, then lance it. Oh yes, some day I will lance it Ran. You just remember that. You revel in the festering now Ran, let the infection run rampant, spread. Just know, someday I will prescribe that you exercise Kuhdo from your system, your life, and cauterize the wound so it doesn’t recur. It would be a shame if he were to lose control of that sportscar of his someday, wouldn’t it? Remember that when the time to lance this festering comes, and be sure you do as you’re told.’

Persia straightened up, sat back. ‘Now, you’re obviously not up for this meeting. I doubt you’ll hear anything we say. Get out of my sight Ran. I don’t want to have to look at you any more today. Get out.’ Persia dismissed Ran and got up from the table to fill his drink from the wetbar in the corner.

Ran sat there for an endless moment. Too furious even to move his head, his eyes tracking his father’s movements. His fists and jaw clenched so tightly it required a conscious effort to loosen each enough to move. He took a shuddering breath, clenched his fists again to prevent his hands wrapping around his father’s throat and slowly stood. Battle tense, trembling in rage, he closed his eyes again a moment before forcing himself to speak through his frozen throat. ‘father.’ He all but growled. Persia turned, anger and no small amount of shock on his face at hearing that tone from Ran’s mouth. ‘I swear to you, if you.... harm Aya or .... Yohji ... in any way, god will not be able to protect you’ Persia made as if to answer, but Ran growled, low in his throat. ‘No! I will say this. My entire _life_ I have lived to appease you. First, as a child, wanting your approval, your affection. Well, I soon learned the folly there, didn’t I?. Still, I worked hard to keep you.... content. To ease the strain on Aya, to make her life bearable, maybe happy in some measure after I’d failed with mother. Since her injury you have done your damndest to make her your tool. For **_her_** ,’ Ran rasped, ‘ _for her_ I let you own me, let you..... direct me, my life. Yohji and I have maintained discretion in our friendship as you are fully aware. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me developing friends finally in my life. Again, you know I have never acted inappropriately. For now, I will continue to be your puppet. You pull the strings and know it. I will work for Krittiker, travel, do the amateur forums, make appearances, deal with the horrible clients no one wants to work with, whatever it is you throw at me. But know this, someday, she will wake. Someday, I will be free of you. And I tell you now father,’ and now Ran released a good portion of his control on his ice cold rage burning through his heart, ‘if you _ever_ bring harm to Aya, or god help me, Yohji, in any way, _discretion_ will be the least of your concerns. I _promise_ you father. If I have to come back from the grave, if you are responsible for harm to either of them, I will not be responsible for my actions. I will annihilate you. Physically, financially, socially, in every way I possibly can. I swear it.’

By the last, Ran’s voice had dropped to a raspy whisper, cold and dead as he felt himself to be at that moment. The ...... rage ... yes rage. There was no other term to describe this within him. It burned, but from cold. He couldn’t believe how something that left him so cold could burn as it did.

Persia sputtered, outraged, ‘you dare to threaten me boy?’ he growled.

‘no father. No threat. I told you.’ Ran’s voice was calm, dead, like he felt inside. ‘A promise. A vow. In every way a man can swear a vow, I swear this. If you bring harm to Aya or Yohji, in any way, I promise my retribution. I will allow you to dictate, for now, while she sleeps, but I will not allow you to harm her, or him. Yohji knows, of your manipulations, of the hold you have over me. Yohji cares for me. He will not stop being _my friend_ , despite long hours, distasteful assignments, travelling. Get used to it. I was perfectly content to keep this from you, not least to prevent your threats against Aya, against him, but as you felt the need to bring it to the open this way, know this, I will not give up this friendship father. I can maintain my professionalism and my friendships.’

Ran turned to leave by the rear entrance of the conference room and noticed the door, slightly ajar. As he stalked from the room he caught a glimpse of someone in the alcove of to the left where his father’s private secretary often awaited instructions during long meetings. Was it the secretary? Whoever it was, they’d at the very least overheard his response to his father. No matter, whoever it was had no bearing on Ran. No one here did, apart from his bastard father and his assistant Tina. The rest could all cease to exist and he doubted he’d notice.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Yohji waited for the elevator in the Garden lobby. John, the door guard on duty, called out to him. ‘Mr. Kudoh?’

 

Yohji turned, ‘yeah John? What’s up’ Yohji and John had hit it off pretty well. He was most often the guard on duty in the afternoon hour when would arrive, and he’d fallen in love with Yohji’s ‘vette instantly. He was a laid back guy, and seemed genuinely pleased that Ran had a friend. If he suspected there was anything more there, well.... he’d never indicated anything other than friendliness with Yohji.’

 

‘would you mind taking this up with you? Mr. Fuijimiya was .... not in a mood to hear me when he returned earlier this afternoon.’

 

‘What? What do you mean? He came home already?’ Yohji was concerned, ‘what do you mean *not in a mood*?’

 

‘well, it’s not my place really, but..... something seemed..... off. He was.... withdrawn. In a way that I haven’t seen for some time. He came home relatively early, about 3:30.... do you mind, taking it up?’

 

‘nah, I got it, no problem.’ Yohji took the package, then looked a John and nodded, ‘thanks John.’ He said quietly, ‘thanks for the heads up. You have a good night.’

 

Yohji entered the apartment quietly. The apartment was dark, no lights on, no music. ‘Ran?’ he called out quietly. Maybe Ran was sleeping, sick.... ‘Angel? You here?’

 

He turned on the living room standing lamp and made his way to the kitchen and found Ran seated there at the table. The light from the living room outlined his form at the table. He was..... stiff, rigid, actually. Fists clenched on the table top, his katana that he practiced his forms with resting there just out of reach. Sweat plastered his hair to his head and he trembled. Yohji took this in in an instant, then dropped to his knees at Ran’s side, ‘Ran? Angel, what’s wrong?’

 

Ran turned his head slowly toward Yohji and the first thought that slammed through Yohji’s mind at that _deadness_ in Ran’s face was ‘oh shit, what happened? Aya..... he was afraid, truly afraid to ask now. ‘Ran’ he whispered, ‘what..... what’s wrong?’

 

Ran blinked, some sense of awareness entering his eyes, ‘Yohji?’ he asked quietly, ‘when did you get here? Why....’ he swallowed, ‘why’s it so dark?’

 

How long had he been sitting here like this? Yohji reached up and cupped the side of Ran’s face, noting the sweat damp hair was barely that, flattened down, but only slightly damp, almost dried. “angel.’ He whispered, ‘are you....okay?’

 

Ran blinked, then sighed. ‘no Yohji’ he whispered. ‘I am ..... not.... okay.’ He closed his eyes briefly then looked back to Yohji. ‘but..... I am..... better, now. Now that .... now that you’re here.’ Ran’s face crumpled for a moment before this incredibly vulnerable, lost little boy look came into his eyes and Yohji’s heart broke. ‘Yohji?’ Ran asked quietly, ‘hold me, please.....please’

 

‘oh Ran’ Yohji raised up and took Ran into his arms. If anything, the trembling increased as Ran obviously fought for control. ‘Ran... Ran what’s happened?’

 

‘not yet Yohji.... I ... I will explain, but.... not yet, please. I need you Yohji. I’m.... sorry, but..’

 

‘don’t be sorry Angel, god please don’t be. I ... if I’d known.., you should have called me. Ran, if ... if you need me, if ever anything happens, call me Baby. I would have been here, with you.’ He held Ran tight, trying to stop the shaking. Damn. What were the symptoms of shock? Think. He stroked Ran’s back forcefully. ‘Ran, let me get you something to drink, warm you up.’

 

‘you _do_ warm me Nissho, just your presence.’ Ran sighed. ‘Yohji,...... Persia knows.’

 

Yohji froze. ‘What? He... knows? You mean, about us?... God Ran! he didn’t! did he-‘

 

‘no, Yohji. Not.... yet. Aya is safe, for now. He...... he doesn’t care about me....’ Ran’s lips curled into a sneer, ‘about my...perversion. For now. He.... some day, he said.....’ Ran cut off. ‘It doesn’t matter Yohji. I... I warned him....’

 

‘warned him? Ran? what the hell’-‘

 

Ran sighed again, seeming almost asleep now. ‘yes, he mumbled. ‘I told hjm. I wont lose you. if he.... if he hurts Aya, hurts you, I’ll kill him Yohji, I swear.’

 

Ran said this with such a matter of fact, calmness that it chilled Yohji to the bone. He held Ran tighter. ‘c’mon Babe. Enough time to talk about this more later. You need rest. Come with me.’ Yohji gently guided Ran to the bath, filling the tub with warm water, easing Ran in. He sat there, holding Ran against his chest as Ran finally broke. Sobbing, shaking so hard Yohji could hear his teeth rattle. Not entirely aware of what he was saying, just that Yohji was there. Holding him, keeping him safe. Finally he calmed, slipping almost in to sleep.

 

Yohji got him out of the warm water and bundled into his robe. He eased Ran under the covers and laid there, cradling Ran in his arms until he finally fell into a relaxed sleep, certain Ran hadn’t realized his words as he fell into oblivion ‘I love you, Nissho, Yohji. Don’t leave me, please.....’

 

Yohji trembled slightly himself with rage. Rage at the bastard Persia. At the threat to ‘lance’ this, to harm him, or worse, a defenseless, comatose girl. Not to mention his casual disregard and venom directed to his own son. This amazing, passionate, man... so full of love. For Persia to spit on that, to degrade him so viscously.....

 

Well, Ran _was_ his. Ran wanted him.... loved him. And he had Ran for the whole holiday weekend. He’d take Ran for his special surprise tomorrow, help erase the awfulness of today. Then, Monday, they’d go to the picnic. Ran would meet the guys and together they’d brainstorm....

 

Yohji sighed. He knew, likely there wasn’t a way to break Ran free. Ran was smart, very smart. If there was a way... well, he’d have found it by now. Short of Aya wakening, there was likely no way to ease Persia’s hold. And while Ran may hate him, killing him really wasn’t an option. Yohji squeezed tighter, kissing the top of Ran’s head. Well, he could be here for Ran. Support him, regardless. Ran wouldn’t give in to this, and Ran _needed_ someone to be there for him, to hold him... love him. Yah, Yohji could do that............. he _would_ do it....... as long as Ran would have him.


	5. Chapter 5

 

**Chapter 5**

**Racetrack**

Ran awoke bleary eyed, fuzzy headed, with a slight headache, yet….. suprisingly happy. He felt… safe, warm, wrapped in Yohji’s arms. He nuzzled in closer, taking in Yohji’s scent and feel, content and happy, despite the headache, until his brain caught up and reminded him _why_  he felt fuzzy headed and had the headache caused by clenching his teeth most of the night.... Persia. Fuck. What now?.... Ran felt lead settle into the pit of his stomach, bands of iron constrict around his ribcage..... suddenly it was hard to breathe. Just as he tensed up, he felt Yohji’s arms tighten around him and, incredibly the tight hold actually made the tightness in his chest somehow lighten.... he felt his own arms tighten around Yohji before he knew he’d moved.

 

‘Ran, Angel.... relax. You OK?’ Yohji kissed the top of his head before pulling back to look down at Ran, ‘it _will_ be ok Ran, it will. We will find a way through this, I swear. We won’t let him win. Whatever he’s got planned, it won’t work. We can do this. There doesn’t have to be scandal, anything to rub off on him. Whatever it takes Ran, extra long work hours, traveling, whatever.... I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.’ Yohji looked at him intently, ‘Ran,’ he took a deep breath, ‘I promise you, as long as you want me, I’m here....’

 

Ran sighed, ‘Yohji, you say that now, but..... you don’t know the venom, the .... malice Persia can exude... he will.... not make this easy. He wont just ignore this. He gets off on debilitating others....’

 

‘Ran. Stop.’ Yohji was firm, a tone to his voice Ran had never heard before...... he looked up, and Yohji watched him. ‘Look. Just listen. We can’t change it. He knows. Fine. We just have to ... go with it, for now. We’ll be extra careful, no mistakes, give him no excuse. And... we’ll work around whatever he throws at us. We will get through this together. For now, for today, I refuse to let him get between us. I will NOT give him a victory. Not even one he will never know about. You checked on Aya yesterday, right? She’s.... ok?’ Ran nodded. ‘Ok then. Today we go on. We don’t let him interfere. ‘ Yohji rolled them over so he hovered above Ran and looked him determinedly in the eye. ‘I have _plans_ Baby, plans for today. A very special surprise that took a long time to set up and that _bastard_ is _not_ fucking it up.’ Yohji grinned at Ran’s wide eyed stare. Then he leaned in for a soft, kiss, cupping Ran’s jaw, leaning in to pull at Ran’s lip, running a hand up and down Ran’s side. He pulled back. ‘Don’t Ran. Don’t let him win. Stay with me. Be mine this weekend, today. Let me give you my surprise.’ He spoke quietly, calmly, matter of fact.

 

Ran relaxed and let Yohji roll back and hold him in his arms. He burrowed in deeper next to Yohji, hugging him back, rubbing his cheek against Yohji’s shoulder. ‘yes Yohji.’ He whispered. Yohji held him tightly a moment longer, ‘Good. Yes Ran. This is right.’ He took a deep breath. ‘so then, first on the schedule is a nice warm shower and I think..... I need a fix.’ He tilted Ran’s face up to his and kissed him, then licked down Ran’s neck, then back up to his ear, chuckling lightly at Ran’s stuttered ‘a..a f- fix, Yohji?’

 

‘yeah Babe. You’re.... addicting, like..... cigarettes, only... better’ he nipped his way behind Ran’s ear, then back to his neck again. ‘yeah,’ he breathed, and grinned when he felt Ran shiver, ‘oh yeah, better.... and.... I need a fix Baby.’ He came back to claim Ran’s mouth again, morning breath be damned, he carefully, slowly devoured Ran, trailing his tongue over Ran’s, sucking lightly on his lip, nibbling, diving back in. Each time it seemed the kiss would end until Ran was whimpering, writhing, senses overwhelmed, panting his name.... _lost_ in the sensations, all thoughts of Persia erased.

 

Yohji then reached down to palm Ran through his robe, ‘so _hard_ Ran.... so _hot’_ he breathed against Ran’s mouth as Ran moaned and arched into his touch, ‘yes Yohji, ngh! Ah....’ Yohji moved his mouth down to swiftly take a nipple in his teeth. ‘ah! Yohji’ Ran bucked against his palm, his hands clenched on Yohji’s shoulders, head back. Yohji nipped at Ran’s neck, at that special spot, thrilled at the moan Ran couldn’t hold back. ‘let me spoil you today Angel. Let me relax you, make you happy.’ He spoke with his lips still lightly touching Ran’s neck and shivered at Ran’s whimper. ‘Ran’ Yohji whispered, ‘this is worth it Babe, worth the fight.’ Yohji wriggled a bit to work both their robes open, reaching between them, he gripped Ran and himself together in his right hand.

 

‘ _Yohji’_ Ran moaned, arch ing up. ‘that’s... Yohji.’ Ran reached forward and tangled his fist in Yohji’s hair, ‘kiss me Kudoh,’ he growled, ‘right now.’ He pulled Yohji in and kissed him. Deeply, passionately, thrusting up into Yohji’s grip. ‘ngh.. Yohji that’s.... that’s incredible’ he panted, ‘don’t... don’t you dare stop.’ He leaned in to bite at Yohji’s neck, sucking, raising his own mark, ‘Yohji. How it _feels_ ’ Yohji was squeezing, pulling, but the friction was starting to be a problem, and he didn’t want to hurt either of them. “Ran, wait... wait a sec,’ he relaxed his grip, easing off, slowing the rhythm.

 

‘Yohji’ Ran warned, his eyes flying open, ‘Yohji’ he growled, ‘what?-‘

 

Yohji cut him off. ‘Trust me grasshopper,’ Yohji started.

 

‘Fuck Yohji, I swear-‘

 

‘Really Ran’ Yohji cut him off again, lightly tracing his hand over Ran’s hardness, reaching down to cup Ran’s sac. ‘Trust me, I know what I’m doing, I’m the sensei, remember?’ he grinned, ‘if we keep this up, as good as it feels right now, we’ll both end up chapped and sore, which will put a damper on any fun later. Come on, shower with me. We’ll have some very nice slickery soap in there, we can finish this and get cleaned up all in one go. Then we can move on with our day.’ He released Ran, gave him a light, nipping kiss, and pulled back to stand at the side of the bed. He reached out a hand, smiling.

 

Ran glared a bit, scrambling to cover himself with the flap of his robe. ‘Yohji’ he said flatly, visibly bringing himself under control. He watched Yohji a moment then sighed. He sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. Ran placed his own hand into Yohji’s still waiting one and looked searchingly at Yohji’s face. Another sigh and he stood. He brought his hands up to cup Yohji’s face and leaned in for a soft, tender kiss, full of the feelings overwhelming him that he could not yet put into words. ‘I do trust you Yohji, in this and so much more.’

 

He stood up to his full height and fixed Yohji with a stern glare. ‘but I swear Kudoh, if you come out with that grasshopper anywhere where anyone else ever hears you, I will gut you. got me?’ he glared a moment longer, until Yohji’s grin started to falter, then leaned in to kiss Yohji again, firmly, tongue slipping in as Yohji began to open his mouth, probably to reassure. He took his time with the kiss until Yohji leaned forward to wrap his arms around Ran. then he pulled back to look up into Yohji’s eyes with his own sly grin. ‘good.’ Ran said, watching Yohji’s face. ‘as long as you understand Kudoh. Good. So then, for _now_ .... teach me Sensei, instruct me in all things pleasurable, so I can one day give you as much as you give to me.’ Then he laughed lightly as Yohji grinned and leaned in to kiss him on the nose.

 

Yohji smiled down at Ran and whispered. ‘yes grasshopper, let me show you.’ then his grin turned feral and he swopped down, taking Ran up into his arms. ‘shower Angel.’ He carried Ran quickly into the bathroom before he really had a chance to sputter much and lowered him to his feet at the edge of the shower. He smiled and ducked as Ran reached out to pop him in the back of the head.

 

Ran sighed again and smiled softly. ‘ My Nissho. I must admit,’ -Ran said quietly, ‘last night, the darkness was.... very thick. I can’t believe how you manage to brighten things the way you do.’ He watched as Yohji set up the water and turned back to him. ‘I’m glad babe. Glad I can push it back, glad I can bring you out of it into the light of day. Let me warm you. I promise, today will be good. ’Yohji grinned suddenly, a very big, happy grin.’ I have been _really_ looking forward to today for a while. I swear, it’s gonna be such a blast! Now, drop that robe and jump in that shower. Move it.’

 

Yohji tilted his head as Ran didn’t move to obey, in fact almost... pulled the robe in tighter. ‘Ran?’ he asked quietly. ‘what’s wrong?’

 

‘well, Yohji, I ...’ Ran sighed lightly, ‘it’s... different, isn’t it..... this way....’ Ran wouldn’t look right at Yohji at first, then he seemed to steel himself and locked gazes. Holding his breath he deliberately let the robe fall open and slipped it from his shoulders to let it fall and pool at his feet. He breathed in deeply as it fell away, then stood there, eyes still locked with Yohji’s, arms at his sides, and just.... waited.

 

Yohji saw the vulnerable look in Ran’s eyes, the almost fear there, and was careful not to smile or grin. He didn’t want to hurt Ran in any way, and understood how hard this was for him. ‘yes Angel, it is different this way. I understand. Not in the heat of passion, under the lights, open, aware... yes, it’s different.’ He stepped closer and, keeping his eyes on Ran’s face he cupped the back of Ran’s neck and leaned in to kiss him lightly. Then he pulled back a step and dropped his own robe. ‘it doesn’t change anything though Ran. You are still incredibly sexy, gorgeous, just... amazing. And I enjoy looking at you. Dressed or not, horny out of my mind or stone cold sober.... doesn’t matter. This,’ and he entwined the fingers of both hands with Rans, lifting their ams out to the sides so both stood there, naked, open to each other, arms raised out. He let his eyes roam over Ran’s toned chest and abdomen, deliberately down over those sexy thighs and back up, lingering only a moment over Ran’s manhood, half hard now, and obviously something Ran was concerned with. ‘This is .... mine, Ran. You are mine.... and I’m glad. I want you to be mine. I ... want to be yours too. This is nice. I like looking at you Babe, but this isn’t all there is to you. and I know that. But, I do want you to grow comfortable with this part. I want you to be comfortable with my touch, with me looking at you. All the time, not just when I’ve turned you to putty.’

 

He smiled, ‘Believe me Ran, you are beautiful, sexy.... perfect.’ And he let his gaze slowly travel again over every muscle, every detail, gently turning Ran so he could take in his back, shoulders, and that delectable ass too. He turned Ran back to face him again and allowed a small grin at the light blush Ran sported. Ran was smiling now too, and seemed more relaxed, less unsure. ‘Now Babe, in the water before it gets cold and I lose my chance to finish the earlier lesson.’

 

Ran’s breath caught a bit and Yohji felt his pulse jump in his wrist that was held in Yohji’s hand. ‘ah, yes.’ Ran’s deep voice answered, ‘teach me Sensei.’ He smiled and waved a hand toward the shower, ‘after you.’ and he made a show of watching Yohji as he climbed in the shower. ‘mmmmm’ Ran mused as he followed Yohji into the shower, ‘I .... I like looking at you too Yohji. Very much.’

 

‘you do huh? Well then, watch this.’ And he leaned in and took Ran’s wakening member into his hand against his own cock which hadn’t flagged. Alert and happy at the closeness of Ran, it had stayed at attention, anticipating being near Ran again. Yohji held the two of them in his hand, grinning at Ran’s wide eyed stare. He reached over for the shower gel on the shelf, drizzling a bit over his hand and their lengths. Ran shuddered a bit at the coldness and he gasped, ‘Yohji’ looking up quickly to look at Yohji’s face. Yohji leaned in to kiss Ran then. ‘lesson time Angel’ he moaned against Ran’s lips and started to pull. ‘mmmm Ran, feel this baby.... I’m so hard for you, and ... damn it feels good to hold you like this. And look Ran, look at us... you have such a nice cock Ran. you feel so good in my hand, so nice against me.’ Yohji was panting, watching their cocks in his hand, he glanced up to see Ran avidly focused on Yohji’s fist.

 

Ran was thrusting up now, his own breath harsh, his hands clenched on Yohji’s shoulders. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, ‘i.. I can’t believe... how th-.... how this... _feels...._ ah..... ‘ he dropped one hand down to join Yohji’s and his eyes flew up to Yohji’s face, ‘let me..... Yohji, ... let me.... too..’

 

‘yes Ran’ Yohji hissed, pumping his own hips, ‘yes... that’s... good Angel. Squeeze ... me Ran... yes, ....just like... that. Uh...huh...’ both men where thrusting now, pulling, squeezing in rhythm. Ran felt his knees try to buckle and leaned back against the shower wall, pulling Yohji closer to him, their chests close, tight against each other. Ran reached up to tangle the fingers of his left hand in Yohji’s hair. ‘Yohji .... ah.... Ni ..... Nissho.....’

 

‘Ran...’ Yohji growled, ‘cum for me Ran, cum _on me_ , cum with me.... ‘ Yohji’s stomach was tightening almost painfully, he’d locked his own knees and rocked up onto the balls of his feet, hovering over Ran, his free arm wrapped tightly around Ran, holding them close together. Determined to keep Ran, trying almost to bring Ran into himself, to feel Ran against every part of himself. ‘Angel, I’m..... you’re so......’ Yohji’s own hips had taken up that timeless rhythm as he fucked their fists, feeling Ran’s grip tighten on their lengths. Suddenly Ran leaned forward, biting quickly at Yohji’s neck and Yohji couldn’t hold back. ‘Ngh! R... Ran!’ Yohji couldn’t stop it as he felt Ran licking at the juncture of his neck, felt Ran swell against his own spurting cock. Then Ran was growling in his ear, ‘yes Kudoh, Yohji, cum for _me_ ... give me you Yohji, ah!’ then Ran was exploding as well, and Yohji was torn between watching Ran’s cock throb out his orgasm against Yohji’s belly, and the _look_ on Ran’s face as his head rolled back, neck arched taut, his eyes wide, gritted teeth giving way to his mouth opening in a deep moan, ‘ahhh-uhh-aaah’

 

Yohji pumped a few more pumps, easing the pressure, slowing the pace, as Ran’s knees finally began to give way. Yohji eased them gently to the floor of the tub, pulling Ran into his embrace. ‘oh Angel’ he breathed, ‘gods, you are so incredible..... I-‘ Yohji cut off there, leaning in to kiss Ran deeply, slowly. He sat back, watching as Ran came to more control of himself and smiled a small, tired smile. ‘mmm, Sensei’ Ran murmured, ‘I, I fear this lesson may need more practice....lots more.’

 

Yohji chuckled. ‘oh yes grasshopper, I think you may be right.... lots and lots of practice.’ He brushed wet strands from Ran’s face. ‘but, not right now.’ He smacked a palm against Ran’s hip, ‘come beautiful, up. I mean it. Today’s surprise is too good to pass up.’ He stood, pulling Ran up with him, reaching for the scrubber hanging on the shower rack.

 

They took their time in the shower, eager hands tracing every muscle, over shoulders and firm biceps, across strong backs and trim waists, each rippling abdomen, the junction of hip and groin, over smooth, firm globes, down taut thighs..... exploring each other under the light of day. Each man half hard again, but ignoring that for this gentle exploration of each other.

 

Bundled in their robes, enjoying coffee and a swiftly prepared omelet, they sat at the kitchen table. ‘ok Yohji, what is this big surprise then?’ Ran asked.

 

‘no way Ran. you’re gonna wait til we get there, then you’ll see. I promise, it’s worth the wait.’ He stood and rinsed his plate in the sink. ‘c’mon Babe, let’s hit the road. Comfortable jeans is fine.’

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Ran’s flushed face and excited laughter as he exited the tour car was worth all the scheduling nightmares Yohji’d dealt with these last few weeks. All the attitude from the racetrack personnel, even that missed practice session and Omi’s bitching. So, so worth it. To see Ran excited, smiling, _laughing_ – after the fear and worry of yesterday.... yes, worth it. Yohji’d booked a VIP experience at the nearby racetrack. 5 laps each around the track, then one race ‘against’ each other for three laps. Ran had even beaten him, and when he climbed out of the car after the victory lap, face red, hair wild, eye’s sparkling, Yohji’d wanted to buy the fucking place.

 

Yohji had reservations at an out of the way diner nearby. Far enough off the beaten path that they weren’t in danger of being in any spotlight or tabloid. No live music here, no night club crowds, no reason to pay any attention to two men enjoying dinner. And, the place was discreetly known as a place where _mixed_ couples could relax and mingle without drawing attention. Yohji’d planned this anyway, but now.... well – fuck Persia. Fine. If he wanted to “ignore” Ran’s _friendship_ then Yohji was gonna take full advantage of that ignoring. He’d psyched himself this whole week. Looking forward to not having to curb his impulse to touch Ran, to be able to caress him during dinner, for nothing to stop him from pulling Ran tighter into his arms , to get to dance with Ran.... and by jove, he was going to enjoy it.

 

Yohji tightened his hold, allowing a small smile into Ran’s hair as the music slowed. Ran circled his arms around Yohji’s neck and burrowed deeper into Yohji’s shoulder. He leaned into Yohji, bringing the line of their bodies together, relishing the feel of Yohji’s hands caressing his back, swaying him to the music. Tracing his hand over Yohji’s neck and jaw, Ran lightly lifted, just a bit, to bring their lips together in the softest of kisses.

 

Yohji moaned. ‘Ran’ he leaned in, kissing Ran again, deeper, slowly – so slowly, one hand traced down Ran’s back to come to rest on his hip as the other came to cup the back of Ran’s head. He pulled Ran in yet closer, devouring his mouth, holding his hip tight against his own. ‘Yohji’ Ran breathed... Yohji pulled back, easing off. ‘god Ran. You have to stop saying my name like that.’ He growled.

 

Ran’s dazed, lightly puzzled eyes met his own, an adorable look of confusion on his face, then understanding dawned. He pulled back a bit, puzzlement changing to chagrin, worry. ‘Yohji, i-‘

 

‘Ran. I _want you_ to say my name, you know I do... just... not here, ok? I want you, more of you, all of you.’ Yohji tightened his hold, pulling Ran back close against him. ‘I want to hear you moan my name, beg my name, sigh my name, call my name... Ran....’ Yohji closed his eyes and swallowed before leaning in for a swift kiss and pulling back to resume the dance. ‘I’ve enjoyed these months and the time we’ve spent together Ran. getting to know you, all of you, seeing you smile.... you’ve become...very important to me Ran.’

 

‘Yohji.’ Ran answered. ‘you know that you mean a great deal to me as well. And I have very much enjoyed our “dates”. I certainly never would have considered many of the things we have done...’ Suddenly, a grin lit up his whole face. Yohji was spellbound. Ran didn’t even seem to be aware he was grinning like that. ‘Especially today Yohji! How? How did you even _know_ about something like that? That they let people do that? It was _amazing!_ ’’ Ran suddenly cut off, obviously getting control of himself. Solemnly he intoned, ‘it was very nice Yohji.’

 

Yohji laughed at watching Ran try to put forth a calm exterior while the glee still shone from his eyes. Yohji pulled him in quickly for a tight hug just as the music ended. ‘I’m glad Ran. Very glad, that you had fun, that it was a good day.’ He pulled back, smiling down at the redhead. ‘I just wish I’d had a camera ready when you climbed out of that car back in the pit after your victory lap. I’ve never seen you look so beautiful, so ... perfect. I wish I had a picture.’

 

Ran frowned over his shoulder at Yohji, obviously confused, as they made their way to their table. ‘beautiful?’ he scoffed as they sat. ‘Yohji. My hair was destroyed by the heat and the helmet. I know I had oil on my face, and I was all flushed and sweaty.’ He frowned a little. ‘you don’t have to make up compliments, patronize me Yohji. I mean, we’re ......... friends, close friends. Be honest at least...’ he lowered his gaze to the table, reaching for his ice tea.

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji’s sharp, almost angry tone caused Ran’s head to snap up, astonished eyes snapping to Yohji’s. He took in Yohji’s folded arms, his frown, and the almost... hurt .... look in his eyes as he just looked at Ran a moment.

 

‘what Yohji?’ Ran sat up straighter, bracing himself. He knew Yohji’d eventually grow tired of things. How high maintenance everything was, and now, with the new stress of Persia.... yes, Yohji was bound to think it through, get fed up, despite his reassurances of the morning. Ran wasn’t sure what had pushed Yohji to the point suddenly now, but was determined to face it, stoic. He should have known. His retitence, social ineptitude, would certainly push an outgoing people person like Yohji away. Perhaps the dinner and dancing had been enough to do it? Maybe Yohji missed clubbing.... Ran sighed and dropped his eyes back to his drink.

 

Yohji’d sat watching Ran’s face after his question. Watching all that Ran wouldn’t tell him play out through his eyes. Those eyes that were so expressive, so full of all that was Ran, if only you took the time to watch. His expression wouldn’t waver, but.. his soul was there – in his eyes. Yohji watched the fear ghost through Ran, then the resignation, and finally the glimmer of sadness, loss, before Ran dropped his eyes. Yohji uncrossed his arms and leaned across the table. ‘Ran’ he said quietly as he covered Ran’s hand with his own. ‘I’ve never lied to you. ‘I’ve never made up compliments. I have no need to. You are an incredibly beautiful, sexy man. I’ve told you that before.’

 

Ran’s eyes darted up to meet Yohji’s emerald gaze, confused, ‘but, Yohji’

 

‘no Ran.’ Yohji cut him off. ‘listen to me. You _are_ beautiful, sexy, gorgeous, mouthwatering.... just.... incredible. And when you climbed out of that car, you were too. So perfect. Messed hair, oil smudge and all. You had the most amazing smile on your face Ran, and you were _laughing._ Openly happy in a way I have not seen yet. I haven’t seen you just cut loose and _enjoy_ something like that before. Like, just for a moment in time, you forgot the issues hanging over you – Persia, Aya, (there was a quick flash of pain in those intense violet eyes for a split second, but Yohji pushed on) work, everything.... for just that moment – your smile, that laugh, was totally _for me._ You looked at me in such a way....’

 

Yohji’s voice trailed off. He squeezed Ran’s hand tighter. ‘Ran I –‘ he swallowed, closed his eyes.... he whispered, ‘Ran. I.. I can’t do this anymore.’ He eyes flew open at Ran’s sharp gasp and attempt to pull back. He glimpsed the pain there before the walls came up and Ran’s face started to close off. ‘No Ran. I..’ he sighed ‘I meant, I can’t hold back any more, I can’t go on without...’ Yohji started to tremble slightly. He closed his eyes again, Ran still trying discreetly to pull his hand back. Yohji gripped tighter and growled out ‘dammit, I’m in love with you Ran.’

 

Ran froze. Yohji sat there, squeezing Ran’s hand under his own. Afraid to open his eyes. Terrified despite last night’s, “state of shock confession”, that he’d pushed too far, too fast, but unable to continue without saying it.... ‘Ran. I can’t take it anymore. I had to say it. I know. I know you have way too much on your plate already, I know this thing with Persia has to have you completely stressed out and it’s not fair to throw this at you right now, but fuck if I know how to stop.....’ he chuckled darkly. He stopped his hand moving over Ran’s. opened his eyes, but kept them on the table. His voice dropped to a rasp. ‘I have fallen in love with you Ran. you mean so much to me. The thought of not having you in my life... it scares me. I would do anything to see that smile from today, that just for me, special smile, everyday..... look. I know it’s only been three months, and I’m an idiot. I know it’s pressure, but... don’t let it be, ok? Just.... let me love you. you don’t’ have to change anything, don’t have to do anything. I just... I want to be able to say it Ran. And, I knew, eventually I was gonna fuck up and spit it out, probably at the worst time, if I didn’t get it out there. So, if I call you love, or whatever, now you know. Just, don’t... don’t take this away. Let me be here for you. I’m still your friend, you boyfriend if you like. And I don’t expect you to love me back, at least, not yet.’ He finally lifted his eyes with just a hint of a smile.

 

Ran sat there, still, stunned. A look of .... disbelief, on his face. Not worry, not self doubt or resignation or acceptance – those Yohji’d come to recognize as the most common responses to unpleasant news. No annoyance or cold anger or any other expression Yohji was familiar with, just... disbelief, shock, wonder almost. This look began to fade, and confusion began to be the dominant emotion taking over. Yohji let go as it became obvious Ran wasn’t gonna run. He ran his hand through his hair and sat back to light a smoke. He sighed, ‘I know Ran, I know it’s too fast. I’m sorry. I wasn’t gonna tell you, not yet. But, well, last night almost.... dammit!’ he crossed his arms. ‘I wanted to kill Persia last night Ran, in a way I haven’t felt since-’ he cut off, taking a deep drag from his Marlboro.

 

‘Yohji’ Ran’s quiet voice cut into his dark thoughts. He looked up to find that adorable, wondering, confused look on Ran’s face. Yohji cleared his throat and clenched his fists under his arms. ‘don’t kiss him. Let him talk,’ he repeated to himself in the back of his mind as he responded. ‘what Ran?’

 

‘Yohji. How... how can you... I mean?’ Ran licked his lips *Yohji repeated his mantra faster – don’t kiss him, don’t’ kiss him* Ran looked closely into Yohj’s eyes. ‘Yohji. I know you’re attracted to me, I mean, obviously.... I mean..... And, well, I believe we have become... friends.. or .....more than..... during these months. I’ve enjoyed.... dating, and..... more.... the ... more, it’s been..... incredible, really, but.... love? Love, Yohji? Like, forever love? How? How can you possibly be in _love_ with me? I mean, come on...’ he dropped his eyes now, and his voice quieted to a whisper. ‘Yohji, you know.... you know I’m not..... right. I’m..... broken, Yohji.... you deserve someone..... whole. For ... love. I don’t ... interact.... in any way normal. Business, well.... I know how to put on a persona, to be who I need to be, but .... this is, this is all that I am Yohji. You _know_ this. I mean, come on. Dancing for example. _I_ don’t dance, I let you move me. That’s how it is Yohji, in all things. I’m not really alive, it’s you. You bring me to life, Nissho. And you shouldn’t have to. You deserve someone more, someone _real._ ... For love. ... Someone to have fun with, go clubbing with, to be happy with. Someone who can bring you life, Not this broken floundering person with threats hanging over him all the time, with all this baggage. Not someone who can’t go on tour with you because’ *and here his breath hitched just a bit,* ‘because the hospital might call, or- ’

 

‘Ran’

 

Ran realized he was babbling – him!. He stopped, and brought his eyes back to Yohji with a deep breath. As his eyes found Yohji’s he was floored by the love shining there. Love directed at _him._ It was like, Yohji’d kept a veil over his eyes before, and now he’d pulled it off. He shone. Love and happiness were shining from those eyes, desire too, but overwhelmingly, love. Ran had never felt so safe, so warm... loved. ‘Yohji’ he breathed, stunned as Yohji smiled at him widely. ‘Ran. I told you earlier. If you say my name like that I’m gonna want more.’ His voice dropped to a husky whisper, ‘ a lot more Ran.’ he leaned in closer. ‘there is something you need to understand. And I want this to stick in your head. Listen closely. Are you paying attention?’ Yohji’s eyes still shone, full of love, but his voice here was almost stern.

 

‘yes Yohji. I’m listening. What is it?’ Ran whispered. Yohji chose to let the *yes Yohji* slide, for now.

 

‘Ran. I don’t love you _in spite_ of who you are, how you react, all those things. I love you _because_ of you. You are who you are. Watching you grow, become comfortable, because of me... this is amazing. No. I don’t like the baggage hanging over our heads. I don’t know how to deal with all of it, but we can face it together. And no. I don’t like the persona. When you’re with me, I want the real you. I don’t like to see you put up those walls. I want to be the one always allowed inside. You’re not broken Ran, you’ve just been alone for too, too long. And your bastard father suffocated you, in too many ways. Ran. I love you. all of you. quirks and all. They’re my quirks. I want to learn them all. Come on. Let’s go home. Let me love you tonight Ran.’

 

Yohji stood, pulling ran up into his arms. Content with knowing that Ran did love him, even if he couldn’t say it yet, or likely didn’t even realize it fully. He could wait. Ran wasn’t gonna run. ‘come on, let me show you some new lessons Ran.’ his eyes smoldered as he looked down into Ran’s wary, hopeful gaze. He kissed him, tucked Ran in close to his side, and led them out of the restaurant.

 

So engrossed in each other and the night’s revelations, neither man noticed the watcher in the shadows, observing them quietly with intense focus from the dancing through their exit. Didn’t notice the patron exiting shortly behind them as they made their way to Yohji’s car.....

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

 

 

They stopped by the hospital on the way home, to bring assurance to them both of Aya’s continued safety. Ran watched Yohji for the short time they were there. Yohji’s eyes had not dimmed in their love of him, and if Ran wasn’t mistaken, there seemed to be a deep emotion there as he gazed on Aya as well. Ran sighed deeply, brushing her hair back from her face. She seemed fine, there had been no change, and nothing in her chart about any moves or pending changes. It seemed he worried needlessly, for now. The night nurse came in to turn Aya onto her other side, part of the necessity of caring for the comatose, repositioning to prevent pressure on her skin, moving her arms and legs to maintain muscle tone. ‘will you be staying Ran?’ Gina asked as she and the assistant nurse began made to pull back the blankets.

 

‘no Gina, not his time.’ Ran shook his head. ‘We’ll be back later this weekend’

 

‘Monday.’ Yohji cut in, after the picnic, we’ll check on her then.’

 

‘Monday then. It was nice to see you again Ran.’ Gina smiled warmly. ‘you look good, not so tired as before. Take care of yourself.’ She watched as the young men left. It was good that Ran wasn’t spending nearly every night here anymore. She wondered, briefly, if the blonde was part of the reason why. He’d never brought anyone else here with him before.... ah well. Whatever it was, to seemed good for him, that aura of defeat wasn’t there anymore, he still was .... stoic, grave, but not.... so hopeless....

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Yohji eased Ran down onto the bed and leaned down to remove his boots. ‘so Babe, was I right or what? Today’s surprise topped the cake, hmm?’ Yohji grinned as Ran’s eys lit up briefly before he tiled his head to give Yohji a curious look.

 

‘yes Yohji.’ Ran answered with a gleam and a soft smile.

 

Yohji froze, for just a moment then lifted up on his knees to engulf Ran in his arms. ‘thank you Ran,’ he husked. ‘thank you for not pulling away, for not pushing me out. It’ll be good, you’ll see. We’re.... right. I know you hadn’t expected _‘forever love’_ as you called it, when you decided to try for something _more_ with me. And I will be your friend or whatever you need me to be. Thank you for letting me love you.’ he squeezed Ran for a moment longer, then eased him to lay back on the mattress.

 

He looked down solem, but eyes shining with love. Ran was overwhelmed with the .... safeness he felt. The feeling of.... home.

 

Yohji smiled softly, ‘for now, it’s time to relax. I am gonna give you a lesson in relaxation Ran.Tthis is a very important lesson if we are to move further than we have come already. Don’t get me wrong, I love the things you are learning to do with that mouth of yours,’ Yohji shivered lightly, and Ran squirmed just a bit ‘and I love touching you and you touching me, but..... for us to go further, you are going to have to learn to relax. Not just, relax and let me touch you, enjoying the sensations, but _relax_ everything. You are always so tense, many times even after.... your legs will give out, or you’ll nod off into sleep, but.... always, there’s still a .... tension, there. We have to dispel that. And I know, now.... with persia’s little bombshell, you are as highstrung as a piano wire. So, roll over. Tonight you begin to learn massage. And, if I do say so myself, I am a master.’

 

Yohji smiled and ran his hands lightly over Ran’s thigh. Ran closed his eyes and sighed, just a bit. ‘Yohji, it .... it shouldn’t be this difficult. You shouldn’t have-‘

 

Yohji cut him off before he could go on. ‘Ran. I ... look. I love you, I want this ....relationship, this.... _part_ of our relationship..... to move forward, very very much. And it.... it’s not _difficult_ , I am being more careful than is probably necessary. But, .... I want our first time to be ..... as painless as possible. Look. We could... go on, now. As things are. Eventually, you _would_ enjoy it, but... eventually. That means to begin with, you would be in some likely serious pain. and I don’t _want_ eventually. I don’t want pain to be part of our time together. Definitely not for our first time. I am quite content to continue as we are. You are very talented with that mouth, I wasn’t lying. And I could almost cum every time you put your hands on me. But. I know, eventually,’ he smiled a bit, ‘you are going to want to experiment, to try more. And I want to be the one to give you that. And I _don’t_ ’ here his voice hardened a bit, ‘I don’t want your body to associate pain with that release Ran. not to begin with. Later, if you want to try some kink now and then, after you are comfortable with your likes, that’s fine we can see. I, personally, do not like pain... well, beyond some nibbling, a little teeth, nails, mmm , can be very nice. I do not like real pain, whips, stuff like that.’

 

Ran’s eyes had widened as Yohji went on, and he couldn’t seem to help blurting, ‘whips?’

 

Yohji smiled. ‘doesn’t sound like your cup of tea huh?’ Ran shook his head, s little bemused, ‘well, good. But seriously, after a while, if you want to try something, if you have any....fantasy or... something you want to try, that’s fine- I will try almost anything once. And if you find something that really turns you on, or that you really like, just tell me. But, for now, to begin, I want only pleasure between us Ran. let me ease you into this phase, just as we have been. A bit at a time, until you are ready to receive me.’ He leaned in to kiss Ran softly. ‘so, first, relaxing. You need it anyway, it will help with the headaches, and-‘

 

Yohji cut off, chuckling at Ran’s second wide eyed expression. ‘yes Ran, I know you have headaches. You don’t have to say it or tell me, it’s obvious when you do, at least to me. Now. Roll over, close your eyes and just lay there a bit. I’ll have you so relaxed by the time I’m done tonight you wont know who you are.’

 

Ran gave Yohji a skeptical glare and pulled off his shirt. He looked at Yohji a bit longer, then reached down and removed his jeans too, before quickly rolling onto his belly, head turned toward the wall. He didn’t say anything, just lay there, breathing, waiting.....

 

Yohji sat there for a while, just getting his fill of the sight of Ran. long, lean, muscled legs, trailing up to a well toned, beautiful ass, tapered waist.... Ran’s back was muscled too, and the arms cradling his head were well defined, strength obvious without being overstated. He reached out to trail his hand lightly down Ran’s left shoulder and down his back, delighting in the goose bumps left in the wake of his caress. He sat up, reaching into the bedside table for the massage oil he’d bought last week and stashed there, hoping for this moment.

 

Yohji straddled Ran’s thighs, keeping his boxers on. Tonight was all about Ran. he wasn’t kidding about Ran needing to relax. The man was a walking bowstring most of time. It could not be healthy. Yohji began to knead at Ran’s shoulders and neck, eliciting an unexpected moan, and smiling as Ran began to sink into the mattress. Yohji worked diligently, slowly making his way down Ran’s back, thoroughly working him over. Slowly, he made his way lower down Ran’s back, then, as he felt a new kind of tension begin to build in Ran’s body, he soothed, ‘Shh Angel, not yet.’ He whispered, moving down past Ran’s buttocks to work on his thighs, legs. Ran moaned again, and sighed in bliss as Yohji bled the tension from his body.

 

Yohji worked his way back up Ran’s legs, this time, letting his hands trail down, slightly, to caress the inner thigh. Ran hummed lightly, seeming almost on the edge of sleep as Yohji began to caress his ass and lower back. Yohji felt Ran’s awareness slowly return, and let his hands dip between Ran’s thighs again to lightly nudge them apart. He massaged Ran’s thighs and ass until Ran was discreetly nudging, trying to get Yohji’s hands where he obviously yearned for them to be.

 

Yohji dropped one hand down to caress the backs of his fingers over that spot just behind Ran’s balls. Ran moaned and pushed back, just a bit, ‘yes Yohji’ he breathed, ‘that’s... that’s nice.’

 

Yohji’s own breathing hand increased and he leaned down to trail kisses over Ran’s lower back, and down over one cheek. He ran his hand lower to cup Ran’s sac, ‘yes Ran.’ he moaned, ‘it is. I like to touch you Ran, to see you, feel you grow for me.’ He kissed the inside of Ran’s thigh as he reached down under Ran’s belly to hold Ran’s length in his left palm. His other hand dipped into the oil jar nearby, and he warned Ran, not wanting him to tense and undo all his hard work. ‘I’m gonna touch you now Angel, just _feel_ don’t move, just feel.’

 

Yohji ran his slick fingers down the crack of Ran’s ass, just up and down, slowly, as he began to caress his cock with the same rhythm. Loose, easy, gently.... he circled one finger around Ran’s pucker, ‘lesson time Angel’ he husked, and slowly, carefully, eased the tip of his forefinger inside.

 

Ran tensed, just a bio, but Yohji’s continued pull on his cock, and the pressure of his wrist against that spot just behind his balls distracted him enough that soon Yohji could ease in a bit deeper. ‘yes Ran, I’m inside you Baby, just a bit, but... inside. And ... _gods_ Ran, you are so.... tight, so..... hot...’ Yohji was panting lightly now, puling Ran’s cock a bit harder than he’d planned, but eager now for Ran to cum. To feel that pucker tighten around his finger .... he gently began to ease in and out, in time with Ran’s own rhythm which his hips had involuntarily started... ‘yes Ran,’ Yohji circled around with that finger, paying close intention as he pushed in farther, all the way. Suddenly, as he pushed in completely, his hand tilted just so, Ran arched and called out, ‘Yohji!.... gods Yohji....th- that....’

 

Ran was panting, ‘Yohji....what... _please.’_ he moaned, deep, guttural, ‘Yohji’

 

‘oh baby’ Yohji was thrusting his own hardness against the outside of Ran’s thigh by now, and at Ran’s startled jump, almost came himself. ‘there Ran? right.... there?’ Yohji pressed forward again, pressing firmly, deeply, just as he squeezed Ran’s cock, thumb slipping over the head.

 

‘Yohji! Ah....Yo...’ Ran was thrusting back now, searching, mindlessly, for that finger again. ‘Yes Ran... yes’ Yohji hissed and began to thrust his finger in earnest, deeply, slowly, grazing over that spot again and again, increasing his pace as Ran’s panting grew more frantic. Yohji swiftly inserted a second finger, with no warning, making sure to aim true, he pushed with a deep, hard thrust, his other hand flying over Ran’s cock. ‘Yohji!’ Ran suddenly tensed, froze, and moaned from deep, deep inside.... ‘nnnnggghhh!’ as he came, forcefully. Yohji stilled his hand from pumping, still buried inside, flicking the tips of his fingers over that nub of flesh. Ran’s hips began to stutter with the aftershocks and Yohji stopped before it could become too much.

 

His own thrusts against Ran’s thigh had stopped, but he hadn’t cum. Too engrossed in Ran’s body, his responses. Enraptured, watching Ran’s orgasm play out in those wide eyes, taut neck, twisted fingers trying to shred the pillow he had in his deathgrip. As Ran began to melt, Yohji became aware again of his own painful, hard, cock and eased back to not put too much pressure on Ran’s leg. Ran’s panting was easing now, and he tried to talk. ‘Yohji’ he whispered, ‘oh damn, Yohji’

 

Yohji chuckled, ‘see? I told you before, you know about it, but you don’t _know_ ’ he carefully eased his hand out of Ran’s body, cleaning himself with the wetnaps he’d planted in the table drawer as well, and gently rolled Ran over to retrieve his numb arm. He sat up, leaning over to clean Ran’s belly, and then stood to swiftly remove his boxers before coming back to the bed to take Ran in his arms.

 

Ran lay there, watching Yohji with half lidded eyes as he cleaned Ran up and spread a towel over the wet spot. ‘Yohji. That was... incredible. I... see, though, what you meant. At first.... even with just one...’ and here Ran began to blush a little, but steeled himself and went one, ‘even with just one finger, it was.... it felt....’

 

‘it felt big, right?’ Yohji cut in as he pulled Ran into his embrace. ‘just one finger, at first, felt like, what the hell are you doing?.... I know Ran, that’s why we’re going to take this slow. A little at a time. You will be well prepared before we progress to me taking you...’ Yohji smiled as Ran’s gaze quickly darted to his still full, swollen cock, then back to Yohji’s face. The almost ... fear, worry, there at first was immediately replaced with a curious look that then morphed to .... surprise and then.... almost.... chiding. ‘Yohji.... you didn’t.... you’re still......’ Ran’s eyes smoldered, ‘Yohji’ he husked, ‘let me make you cum.’

 

‘Ran’ Yohji couldn’t help but moan, and his eyes closed briefly, ‘oh yes baby, please do.... I’m all yours.’

 

Ran sat up and eased Yohji down, running his hands over Yohji’s chest, through his hair, down over his shoulders... ‘Yohji, can.... can I?....’ Ran seemed hesitant

 

 

‘What Ran? Anyting, just tell me.’ Yohji cupped the side of Ran’s face.

 

‘well, I...., do you..... I mean.’ He took a deep breath, ‘never mind.’ He leaned down and before Yohji could insist on finding out what had Ran flustered, he took Yohji into his mouth, immediately sucking deep and hard. One hand held Yohji’s cock in place, while the other, for the first time, began to ease down, below his sac. Exploring, Ran trailed his fingers over that line below, earning a moaning, thrashing Yohji for his effort. ‘Ran... Ran.. I’m close already. Watching you, gods Ran, it brings me sop close, just seeing you respond to me.... yes Ran! just like that Baby, don’t.... don’t stop.’ Yohji tangled his fingers in Ran’s hair and began to thrust into Ran’s mouth.

 

Ran was surprised at first, Yohji’d always been....gentle. and he wasn’t rough now, exactly, just...forceful, eager, in way Ran found he enjoyed, a lot. He hummed deep in his throat at the feel of Yohji’s hands clenching in his hair and Yohji’s voice calling out, ‘Ran.... Ran....please....ungh,’ Yohji seemed unable to hold back his thrusts as they grew deeper, more intense. Ran used one arm to hold Yohji’s hips down and eased his head back a bit against Yohji’s fists.

 

‘oh! Shit!’ Yohji panted, ‘I’m... sorry, Ran... ngh! Damn...’ Yohji seemed like he wanted to push Ran away, but Ran was having none of that. He leaned in again, taking Yohji fully into his throat, humming, sucking, twirling his tongue until Yohji was again mindless in his pleasure, fists clenched tightly in Ran’s hair. ‘Ran! I’m... Ran..... it’s.....it’s......’ Yohji arched up, head thrown back as a wordless cry left his throat, ‘ahhhhhh!’ his hot, heady seed filled Ran’s mouth, spilling down his throat as he sucked harder, laving Yohji with his tongue until the spasms stopped. He continued until he was certain Yohji was done, then looked up to find Yohji’s eyes tightly closed, panting.

‘Ran’ Yohji whispered, ‘Ran I’m-‘

 

‘don’t you dare tell me you’re sorry Kudoh’ Ran said quickly. ‘that was so damn hot.’

Yohji’s eyes opened, seeking out Ran’s own. “Ran, I –“

‘I mean it Yohji. Don’t say it. To be able to bring you such pleasure that you lose yourself, that is my goal.... you didn’t hurt me, I just pulled back to get my bearings. It was perfect. I’m glad you felt that... intense. You are a gifted teacher.’ Ran crawled up to kiss Yohji firmly, deeply. He pulled back, gazing into Yohji’s eyes, that once again shown with love, acceptance, home....

‘Yohji, I .... care for you, very much. I .... may even love you, I don’t know. But, I’ve... I’ve never been in love before... I’m not sure if that’s what this is... I I do know I don’t want to lose you. the thought, when Persia threatened you... gods I almost killed him right there. Maybe, maybe it is love...’ he raised his eyes to Yohji’s ‘it’s not too fast Yohji, it’s just... I want you to be happy, to be sure... it’s bound to be a lot of work, loving me.... a lot of hassle, I don’t want... don’t want to... fall in love, and then.... then you figure out it’s not worth it.’

By the end his voice had dropped to a whisper. ‘Ran. look at me’ Yohji coaxed Ran’s eyes back to his own, running his hand through Ran’s hair, he smiled, ‘didn’t anyone ever tell you nothing really worth it is ever easy? I have been in love Ran. I know how it feels. I love you, need you. and I meant, as long as you want me, I’m here. When you figure it out, if you decide you’re in love with me, you’ll make me the happiest guy on the planet. If you decide you want to be friends and look for something else, well... I’ll take that too, as pathetic as that makes me. I will be your friend, your sensei, your lover... your love. Whatever capacity you choose. Just, don’t close back up on me, don’t pull away. Let me love you Ran.’

Ran leaned down, ‘yes Yohji’ he whispered against Yohji’s lips, and then curled up into Yohji’s side. ‘I should insist we shower, right now, but.... this is ... nice Yohji. Hold me, just, hold me.’ He snuggled in deeper to Yohji’s side, and relaxed with his head on Yohji’s shoulder.

Yohji chuckled, ‘yes Ran. Love.’ He kissed the top of Ran’s head and held him as they drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

MUSIC OF MY SOUL CH 6

 

**CHAPTER 6**

**Pic Nic - Masque**

 

Ran and Yohji approached the park, hand in hand, relaxed, and happy. Well, as happy as one could be, considering where everything stood. At least say...... content.....

 

Yesterday had been a study in ‘relaxing’ – teaching Ran the joys of lazing about, watching old, favorite movies one after another, doing nothing more strenuous than microwaving burritos or paying the pizza guy..... lazy exploratory touches, tastes. Yohji carefully kept things slow. Satisfying, but without urgency or pushing any limits. He’d brought Ran awake with his tongue and gently eased him over the cliff to begin the day, then kept things to just being together, holding Ran, caressing him, but not venturing beyond. He wanted Ran to experience the wonder of being cherished, and wanted to be certain Ran knew it was for more than physical gratification. Yes, falling asleep, cradling Ran in his arms, watching his features soften in peace after spending the entire day together in the apartment, talking – laughing – learning more and more of each other.... it had truly been a day to hold close in his heart.

 

As they came up on the sidewalk border around the side of the park, Yohji pulled them to a stop. ‘Ran,’ he said softly, then sighed as Ran’s curious gaze fell on him. ‘I have to tell you something.’

 

He lowered his eyes and took a deep breath. Raising his gaze to Ran’s, his voice firmed with determination, ‘Ran I’ve told the guys a lot about you. How much you mean to me, how delicious you are’ here he grinned quickly with a fast waggle of the eyebrow, but quickly reverted back to serious. ‘That you’re mine... or rather that I hope to make you mine, ... but.... I’ve also told them about... about Aya.’ He Felt Ran’s hand tighten briefly on his own.

 

‘Yohji’ Ran murmured.   ‘I had to Ran.’ Yohji answered. ‘Omi.. he’s like a total genius. If there’s any way out of this, he’ll find it. I know. I know there’s likely no alternative, no fix, or you would have figured it out, but damn, Ran, I had to try.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I know you’re a private man, and didn’t really want this out there, but... these guys are family Ran. They’ve been with me through so much, my parents, Asuka. They know if I’m hurting. When I’m worried or tense. I....’ he locked his emerald gaze with Ran’s violet, ‘I can’t lie to these guys Ran. I just can’t.’

 

‘Yohji’ Ran brought one hand up to cup Yohji’s jaw. ‘it’s ok. I know how important they are to you. I won’t pretend to truly understand family, but I had,’ he swallowed, coughed a bit, ‘ _have_ Aya. And, I never lie to her....if... if she were able to hear, if she were awake and you were hurting, if there was something wrong, I would never consider keeping it from her. It’s ok. They’re your brothers, your family, I....’ he trailed off and looked away a moment, then looked back. ‘I want them to know Yohji. What you mean to me, and to understand if I’m.... aloof, or...seem.... not what they’d expect. This avoids complicated explanations. If you’ve explained, then, then - they’ll understand perhaps if I’m not as... talkative, or expressive, or... outgoing as one would expect. Especially for someone deserving of your attentions.’ Ran smiled softly.

 

‘Ran’ Yohji scolded, ‘you are absolutely deserving of everything-‘

 

Ran cut him off. “perhaps. But, you must admit my... socially challenged ways are not typical of your conquests.’ He smirked a bit, and his eyes smiled and shone with mirth.

 

Yohji laughed. ‘socially challenged huh? I’m so gonna use that Ran.’ he pulled Ran in close briefly inhaling the calming sandalwood of his hair and kissed him quickly on the temple. He stepped back, ‘ok.’ He said, ‘let’s-‘

 

Yohji was cut off by the sneering tone of a voice calling out a bit behind him, ‘well guys, if it aint a couple a fruits snuggling, and right out in public. Incredible. Stinking fairies. Go to freaking California, huh?’

 

Yohji turned slightly, his grip tightening on Ran’s hand. He clenched his jaw and took a breath. Glaring at the four men standing a ways off, he turned back to Ran. ‘C’mon Angel. Let’s move on.’ He started to make his way across the park. Ran glared at the hecklers a moment and turned to follow.

 

‘Yeah. Flit away fairies. You know, if you’re gonna pick such a girly weakling as red there you might as well just get a woman.’ The voice sneered at them, ‘well, I guess he makes you feel all manly, but still gives you whatever squick it is you get from picking a guy... What a princess.’

 

Yohji whirled, anger rising, growling low in his throat at the ‘girly weakling’ comment. His eyes widened further with the ‘princess’ taunt, knowing the taunts and such Ran had endured throughout his life – from his father, school kids, and others over his apparent frailty... to let these thugs bring up those memories... Yohji started back toward the group, fists clenched, but was stopped short by Ran’s grip on his arm. ‘No, Nissho. Leave them. They mean nothing, they _are_ nothing. Leave it.’ Ran held Yohji’s arm tightly, ‘come. Forget them.’ He tugged lightly and felt Yohji sigh.

 

Yohji glared at the hecklers again, then turned back to Ran. He took another breath and forced a smile. ‘Ok Angel. Fine. Let’s go find the guys.’ He reached up to trail his fingers through one of Ran’s ear tails gently. He caught Ran’s eyes widening with alarm a moment before something impacted with his back just between the shoulder blades, knocking him briefly off balance. An unpleasant wetness trickled down his shirt collar as he caught himself stumbling into Ran. He looked up quickly to make sure Ran was ok and was stunned by the look in Ran’s eyes as he glared over Yohji’s shoulders at the men behind.

 

‘Ran’ Yohji gasped quickly. Ran’s grip had shifted to Yohji’s biceps to steady him as he stumbled and Ran squeezed tightly. Righting Yohji’s balance and quickly moving Yohji two steps to the side, his gaze never leaving the men behind Yohji, Ran spoke quietly but firmly. ‘are you ok Yohji?’

 

Yohji flinched at the coldness in Ran’s tone. ‘yes Ran. Angel. I’m fine. C’mon.’ Yohji felt fear twisting his gut. He _knew_ Ran wasn’t gonna walk away. There was such a look in Ran’s eye. He was afraid to look away, to let go. Ran’s aura was oppressive with restrained violence and Yohji wanted desperately to walk away, just ignore this. His own anger from before paled at the barely suppressed rage shining from Ran’s eyes.

 

‘just a moment, Nissho.’ Ran answered, his voice cold. He stepped forward, his stance obvious as he stopped slightly in front of Yohji, his voice dripping with scorn as he addressed the group’s leader. ‘such a _man_ you are, to strike your opponent in the back. To throw a drink at a man walking away, avoiding a conflict. Such honor you display. It’s no wonder these men revere you.’ Ran dropped the sneer and his voice burned as he spoke next. ‘you will apologize to this man, now.’

 

‘Apologize?’ the heckler laughed, his discomfort obvious at being intimidated by one he’d judged as weak. And he was intimidated, his nervousness clear at the confidence exuding from Ran. His bravado rose, ‘I don’t think so fairy.’ The thug barked, ‘you must be soft in the head too. Take your boyfriend,’ here he sneered viscously at the term, ‘and be glad we don’t kick your ass, and his.’

 

Ran’s gaze never faltered. There was no change in his expression as he regarded the men. Deceptively calm, he spoke. ‘you will not apologize willingly then.’ Calm he was, but Yohji could see a cold, clear anger seething in Ran’s eyes, heard it in that calm statement and the words that followed, ‘very well. After I, a ‘soft fairy’ put you in your place, you will apologize. You and your companions.’

 

‘You’re crazy.’ The thug scoffed. But his disquiet was becoming more visible, the way he shifted about, his bravado beginning to crumble. And as any bully with followers is wont to do, he blustered all the harder, and called in his guard. ‘Fine fruit. Whatever. I’m done with you.’ he gestured to the man on his right, ‘Joe. Shut this fag’s mouth.’

 

“Joe” stepped forward, cracking his knuckles, his intent clear. Ran spoke once more, lightly shaking off Yohji’s clutch at his bicep and the hissed “wait Ran!’

 

‘You will not engage yourself?’ Ran shook his head, ‘you send your lackey? Yes. Clearly a man of honor. A real man you are. Very well, so be it. When I am done here, you will _each_ apologize.’ Ran stepped forward and stood with his hands at his sides. ‘Ran’ Yohji tried once more, ‘C’mon Ran. Just blow it off. I’m fine. They’re not worth it babe, not worth the trouble.’

 

‘No Yohji. You are correct. They are not worth any trouble.’ Ran assured, his eyes never straying from the man in front of him. ‘They are not worth trouble, but you are. You are worth so much, so worth any trouble. However, it’s obvious that they wont take much effort, and I feel like making a point. Trust me Nissho.’

 

The advancing thug, Joe, shook his head and snarled, ‘whatever asshole, enough.’ He stepped forward and swung a meaty fist at Ran’s head. Faster than a blink Ran caught the fist and spun Joe about, wrenching his arm up against his back. He raised Joe up on his toes, earning a sharp cry as his other hand raised and cuffed Joe in the side of the head, stunning him. His foot planted firmly in Joe’s lower back, he shoved him forward onto his face on the pavement. Ran spun quickly to take on the next attacker who rushed with a cry and a kick toward Ran’s side. Ran caught that leg against himself, pinning it with his arm against his body and pulling the man forward. He lashed out with his right fist connecting with the man’s jaw and let him drop to the sidewalk.

 

The remaining follower and the leader rushed Ran together. Yohji cried out a warning, but Ran was ready. He snapped a blinding fast roundhouse kick at the fourth man, catching him in the side of the head. Landing, he swung a hard jab into the man’s gut, causing him to double over and sink to his knees. Leaving him groaning, Ran spun to face the leader. That one drew up short, suddenly, falling to his knees, both hands raised. ‘hey, wait a-‘ he was cut off as Ran blew aside his raised hands and dropped a viscous, loud slap across his cheek, the crack echoing a moment. The thug slipped to the side and before he could stop it, he raised a hand to cradle the already red cheek with a gasp, tears obviously shining in his widened eyes.

 

‘a “bitch slap” I believe you’d call it. Appropriate I believe.’ Ran smirked, ‘now, apologize to this man and I will do no more damage. We can leave this here. Or do you wish to continue this?’ Ran barely showed any sign of exertion. His cold glare focused intently on the man.

 

‘ok, fine. I’m sorry. Enough.’

 

Ran stood straight. He nodded briefly, once, and turned slightly reaching for Yohji’s hand without taking his eyes from the group. He stepped off to the side. ‘Enough then’ Ran looked at Yohji now, a slight smile spreading across his face at the awe Yohji couldn’t conceal. ‘Come Nissho. Let’s meet those friends of yours.’ Yohji nodded and, hand in hand, the left the area, heading into the park.

 

After walking a bit across the park, with the adrenaline and euphoria from the run-in with the thugs wearing off, Ran approached the shaded pavilions with some trepidation. The smell of grilled _something_ pervaded the air and his mouth would have watered had it not been so _dry._ He cleared his throat, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to relax. He felt Yohji squeeze his hand and squeezed lightly back. He turned to give Yohji a small smile. Already Yohji read him so well. He wanted to make Yohji happy, to meet and spend time with these men, his friends, his family. Yohji’d explained he said, but still…

Ran knew too well his lack of social graces, his difficulty mingling, making small talk. Heds taken Yohji to see Aya, but she obviously couldn’t express approval or its lack, and he certainly would never introduce Yohji to his father…. These people were Yohji’s family. They were important to him and he to them. Ran’s acceptance by these people would maybe forestall the day Yohji came to his senses, woke up and realized Ran was so not worth all this trouble……….

Ran sighed and tried to recall some of what Yohji’s described to him: Schuldig, Yohji’s best friend since childhood. Somewhat cynical, having endured his own pain and loss…. He’d been with Yohji through all the pain in his life, losing his parents, Asuka….losing himself for a time. Schuldig had not been fooled by the playboy image, the parade of lovers. He knew Yohji craved being loved and loving someone back, and was happy Yohji’d found someone again – but – he hadn’t met Ran, didn’t know, really, who Ran was. This man’s approval was too important. It made him nervous.

Ran spotted the group in the distance. He picked out the energetic, smaller frame of one who could only be the perpetually cheerful,seemingly innocent Omi. And there, off to the side, stood a white haired man that had to be Jei, the bassist. At times prone to temper, but loyal to the end to those he called friend. And finally, the brunette there kicking the soccer ball against the fence. That had to be Ken, Omi’s best friend, clumsy but caring, another brother to Yohji…… Ran took a fortifying breath and centered himself to meet them. Yohji leaned in and kissed Ran lightly against his hair, then pulled back, smiling. ‘It’s OK Ran. Family, friends, not the execution squad.’ He chuckled, ‘come on Angel – I finally get to show you off’ Ran felt himself smile, amazed at the feeling of home that overwhelmed him when Yohji laughed like that….. with that warmth infusing his chest, he could face anything. ‘Yes Yohji’ he smirked, almost laughing at Yohji’s growled, ‘Ran! None of that’ and stepped forward to shake the first outstretched hand of the group waiting.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran sighed quietly as he turned from refilling his wine cooler, looking around briefly for Yohji before spotting him a bit across the park, chasing Ken down. Yohji looked so beautiful, so warm, his gold locks shining in the afternoon sun, his warm honey golden skin just begging to be caressed as he ran across the field… Ran felt himself smile before he’d realized it, then jumped – just a bit – as he heard his name spoken somewhat close by, ‘Ran?’

He turned to find Schuldig near, watching him speculatively. ‘everything ok Ran?’ Schuldig asked. ‘you having a nice time?’ this man… this man was the one whose opinion held so much weight…. Was so so important. Ran found himself out of his depth. His power, money, influence, intimidation… none of that mattered here. This was no client or subordinate, not an enemy competitor to be intimidated or cajoled. This was Yohji’s family. Ran couldn’t hide behind his walls, use a persona, he had to keep the walls down, let this man in, so he would _KNOW-_....... Although by most standards it had been a short time, only a few months, already Ran knew – he could not give Yohji up, not without a fight anyway, and Yohji loved him – at least Yohji thought he did, for now, and Ran didn’t want to be the cause for Yohji changing his mind. He would find a way, a way to make this work, to make it last….if only Aya would wake… ah well, no sense wishing for something beyond his control.

Ran let his gaze turn back to Yohji as he laughed and. tackled Ken. He let a small laugh escape his own lips as he answered Schuldig, ‘yes, thank you. I am enjoying myself, more than I’d expected.’ He took a sip of his wine cooler and waited for the unavoidable scrutiny and warning he knew was coming. This was the first chance they’d had to speak alone – and goodness knows, if he were interviewing a suitor of Aya’s the warnings would have been laid on thick from the very beginning…

‘Yohji tells me you met at one of Weiss’ performances at the club Indulgence.’ Schuldig said as he turned to watch Omi and Ken battle back from the goal Jei’d scored after Yohji’s impromptu tackle.  ‘he said you’re not much of a club goer most of the time – hard to avoid the spotlight and all.’ Schuldig watched Ran from the corner of his eye as he struggled to make small talk. Yohji’d explained Ran’s difficulty interacting outside of business, the isolation, the solitude growing up resulting in a lack of conversation skills, his halting social graces for the most part, especially in unfamiliar situations..... And a friendly picnic with no clients or such to impress would certainly be an unfamiliar situation for this man…. Yohji seemed to see a vulnerability here, and his instinctive need and desire to protect, to shield, drew him to this man, while at the same time he described a core of strength, a will in Ran that fascinated him. Schuldig could see what Yohji meant. Ran’s eyes as he watched Yohji were so expressive… tender, amazed almost.... hungry. Schuldig could see a need there, a need for acceptance, a desire to belong, and at the same time an obvious fear that it would not be found….. all underlined by a fierce determination.

‘I actually went to Indulgence purposefully that night.’ Ran said quietly. ‘I knew Weiss would be performing, and …. I’d wanted, wanted to… meet Yohji.’ Ran kept his gaze trained on Yohji, as though he couldn’t bear to look away. He seemed almost not to realize that he oriented himself to Yohji, turning slightly to track his movements. ‘I don’t go to clubs often, but.. it was worth it – I’d wanted to meet him for some time before that night’

‘yeah, that’s what I’d gathered’ Schuldig replied, and was rewarded by a chip in Ran’s armor as his eyes flashed to Schuldig with surprise briefly before returning to Yohji. Ran frowned, just slightly as Schuldig went on, ‘Yohji explained to me Ran, that you’d intended to meet him all along.’ Ran’s expression closed up, a little, and Schuldig knew he was growing wary.

‘Yohji’s my best friend Ran, you know that. My brother. He explained that you’re alone and might not understand what it is we have, all of us.’ Ran’s eyes flashed with a deep pain, quickly quashed. ‘hear me out Ran.’ Schuldig held up one hand. ‘don’t close off. You know why Yohji explained. We talked because we’re close. Because we can all read each other and we protect each other. Yohji wanted you and I to get along. He worried I wouldn’t understand your…. reluctance, to talk or interact. I’m a people person Ran. I can be brash, or pushy at times and Yohji didn’t want me to feel brushed off if you were extra quiet, or to scare you off by pushing too hard, too fast. He cares for you Ran. More than perhaps he should, so quickly. But that’s Yohji. He falls hard, fast, and deep. But…. I think perhaps you feel just as deeply as he does, I think for all your reluctance to show emotions, you feel them maybe more keenly than most. And I think you care too, for him. I don’t presume to approve or disapprove. Yohji is an adult, well able to decide for himself who he cares for. Just know, Ran, that we love him and we are quite ready to love who he loves as well.’

Schuldig’s sentiment, willingness to accept, even care for Ran, for Yohji’s sake, was echoed by each of the group in their own ways at different times over the afternoon. Ran had been expecting the “don’t hurt him” speeches to be made, but he’d been floored and humbled by the genuine acceptance each had offered. Their concern for Yohji was overwhelming and each at some point had made mention of how good they felt Ran to be for Yohji, how happy he’d seemed since he’d found Ran. Ran vowed to fight for this even more that he’d previously determined.

Ran smiled softly to himself as he watched Yohji make his way back to their blanket spread out on the hillside, balancing two superdogs and a giant Pepsi. They’d stayed for the outdoor showing of Casablanca. The park was showcasing classics every night for the holiday weekend. Ran had been delighted when Yohji suggested they stay. He’d mentioned, one time – and only in passing – about how he and Aya had been to a few of these…. Only one brief mention and Yohji’d somehow seen what Ran hadn’t explained: how much he’d enjoyed those nights, how much he missed it now…. And, so – they stayed. Yohji ‘d bought a blanket from one of the vendors and insisted Ran stay and guard their ‘perfect’ spot while he scoped out food and then waited in the seemingly endless line for two superdogs.

Ran jumped up to grab the giant – really, it was huge – soda, and allow Yohji to straighten up a bit. ‘thanks babe.’ Yohji smiled. ‘that was a bit more complicated than I’d expected. ‘ he grinned as they sat. ‘I’m sure I got this right now’ he lifted one dog: ‘sour cream, tomatoes, jalapenos, chili and cheese, right?’ he held the dog out to Ran, ‘not to be confused with my own rather tame chili and cheese.’ He reached into his pocket to pull out a large bundle of napkins, then rolled a bit to free a small water bottle from his other pocket. ‘figured we’d need these later.’

Yohji stretched out, leaning back against the shade tree they’d set their blanket under, and pulled lightly until Ran was leaning back against his chest. He sighed in contentment, leaning in for a quick kiss against Ran’s temple. ‘ah, that’s better’ he breathed. ‘So, Angel, did you have a nice time today? I know the guys gave you a bit of a hard time today. Just take it with a grain of salt huh?’

Ran smiled quickly as he swallowed, ‘it’s ok Yohji. Really. I expected it. I can only imagine how I would react to any suitor for Aya. They were actually very..... nice. I felt... accepted. In a way that truly surprised me. They love you Nissho, and I am very glad to know you have them.’ He took a small drink of the Pepsi and looked up to find Yohji watching him quietly. ‘And, Yohji, thank you - for this. I would never have considered asking to stay. To know you know me so well is quite... humbling. This is...nice Yohji.’ He relaxed deeper into Yohji’s chest and took a deep breath.

Yohji chuckled. ‘Well Babe. To be honest, I never have stayed for one of these outdoor showings. I’ve seen them setting up and such, but it never actually occurred to me before to stay. It _is_ nice. And it seems pretty cool.. I’m actually a little excited. I haven’t seen Casablanca since I was a kid, and that was on cable. This is gonna be pretty cool.’ He hugged Ran briefly. ‘Plus, I’m enjoying this quiet time together tonight.’ He heaved a deep sigh.... ‘it sucks that we’re going on that extended tour this week. I enjoyed this long weekend. Now, with the schedule Omi’s got set up these coming weeks, it’s gonna be few and far between that we get more than a day here, a day there. I’m gonna miss you Angel. This weekend will give me some nice warm memories to get me through those days apart.’ He brought his chin down to Ran’s shoulder and kissed the side of his neck. ‘Ahh, it’s starting.’ He whispered. Ran turned catching Yohji’s lips in a swift kiss. ‘thank you Nissho for this weekend, for this evening, for everything....’ he settled back into Yohji’s warmth and relaxed....

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sadly, Yohji’s concern about seeing each other during the weeks that followed turned out to be all too accurate. Time spent together over the coming weeks was scarce. Many hours were spent together by phone, Yohji touring the NY state area with Weiss, Ran swamped with the rising star Mamaru – Persia had decided Ran had to accompany Mamaru on his first short tour as Ran seemed to be the only one Mamaru had any respect for, the only one he would behave for as an adult rather than a spoiled diva...

The occasional times they spent together Yohji still kept their level of lovemaking to areas explored already. Ran was growing increasingly confident, demanding in his own desires, but Yohji was adamant that their first time across that line would not be a rushed experience – he wanted it all. Not a time when they’d been deprived of each other for too long, when each was frantic for release. Not for it to be over shortly, or lost in the passions of release delayed for too long. Yohji wanted that first time to have meaning, to be a full, complete exploration of each other, and he wanted the perfect morning after too... So, for now, when they could, they touched, tasted, explored. Yohji continued to work on Ran’s relaxing. He would bring Ran to completion with his mouth, his fingers, getting Ran increasingly used to the feeling of penetration.... graduating recently to three, now able to find Ran’s sweet spot unerringly.... Soon, soon he would sheath himself inside this man he loved....

After this last period of separation, Yohji was determined that finally, this weekend, since they were supposed to have some time together, it was time. He’d had Ran almost begging their last time together and didn’t want to delay anymore, to risk pushing him away. It had been so, so hard not to continue and take Ran fully then, but he’d had to leave very early the next morning and just didn’t want it to be that way. He wanted to be able to hold and be held, to stay…

But, this weekend, he had nowhere else to be. Weiss had this weekend off, next weekend was Halloween and they were booked solid Thursday through Sunday, but this weekend was open. They’d got back into town early this morning, Thursday, and had nothing else scheduled until next Thursday’s party. Ran had returned from Mamaru’s short tour and as far as Yohji knew, wasn’t scheduled out again any time soon.

Ran had some big shindig with Kritikker tonight. He’d mentioned it to Yohji earlier this week. Some big announcement was being made and he had to attend. Yohji remembered hearing something about the upcoming announcement in the entertainment news, but hadn’t really paid too much attention. He figured, if it was a very big deal, Ran would explain. But, come to think of it, Ran had seemed a little reluctant to talk about it the last time they’d talked…. Oh well. Yohji was home now and they could talk as much as they wanted this coming weekend. And he’d be at the party himself, to hear whatever the announcement was.

In the spirit of the holiday Krittiker had opted to have the reception as a masquerade. And, for some unknown reason, Persia had elected that it should be themed. People were to come as famous pairs. Didn’t have to be couples necessarily, just pairs. Ran mentioned he’d heard co-workers discussing it and had heard mention of such pairs as David & Goliath, Sonny & Cher, Romeo & Juliet, …. salt & pepper (whatever…) Anyway, after this thing tonight, Yohji planned to have at least a blissful three day weekend together – no Weiss gigs, no Mamaru, no Krittiker… just the two of them.

This party……. Yohji was a little nervous about this reception dinner. It was sure to be elegant, upper class, wealth personified… all the things Yohji wasn’t. Sure, Yohji was self-confident . Sure of his own abilities, his appearance, his voice, but……Yohji’d grown up on the edge of lower middle class. They hadn’t been poor exactly, but neither had they been wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. Ran… Ran was very wealthy. He always said money was a tool, a means to an end, that it didn’t matter at all. And, in fairness, Ran had never in any way made Yohji feel uncomfortable, beneath him or anything but…. Yohji knew, he may be able to interact for a while in just about any situation, but he had never lived the lifestyle that was central to Ran’s existence.

There were areas where he could not hope to compare to Ran. Education levels were just one aspect. Yohji was a product of public school. No formal education beyond high school, no vocational training… Ran, Ran had private school education as a kid, the tutors, preparatory classes. Sure, he hadn’t had a happy childhood, but he’d excelled at studies. Enough that he’d attended college, earning his business degree (not daring to pursue art as his major as he’d dreamed, he’d minored in art and obtained his degree in business) He was smart, sophisticated …. Everything Yohji was not. Ran could attend and audience with royalty and not be out of place. There was nothing ‘bumpkin’ about him…. Yohji had worried recently about some of the trips Ran had been on recently. Touring with Mamaru, introducing him to certain areas of society. Ran was interacting, mingling with people from his own social class and as much as Yohji knew Ran cared for him, he also knew that now that he’d let some of those ice walls down it was very likely that others would begin to notice. Others from his own class, others who could talk to him about mutual interests Yohji had only read about, others who could treat him the way he so deserved to be treated… the way Yohji worried he could not………

Yohji pushed his fears aside, determined to make the most of this weekend together, to make Ran completely his and to give himself to Ran as well. To show Ran how much he loved him, needed him….. And, maybe, to talk some of this worry of his out with Ran…He knew Ran loved him, even if Ran himself had not fully realized it. He was just being paranoid….

He approached Ran’s building only a little nervous. Ran said he’d found a pairing for their costumes. Not a couple, just a pair, and that it was appropriate. Yohji exited the elevator and knocked on the apartment door. When the door opened, he stood in awe, breath gone, unable for a moment to react…. Ran stood there dressed from head to toe in black. Well fitted, long sleeve black shirt, top two buttons open at the collar just like he knew Yohji liked, leaving that tempting bit of throat, tucked into well fitted black pants, tapered at the waist and hugging down over that perfect ass and toned, sculpted thighs…. The fabric was almost velveteen in texture, making the blackness seem… deeper somehow. Across his back was a short cloak, also black, but splattered with stars…. millions of stars, interspersed with myriad small galaxies, the full beauty of the night sky, both the outer cloak and the inner liner. Over Ran’s face was a masque, pearlescent white, obviously the moon.

There stood Ran as darkness, night, which could only mean Yohji was to portray light, or day. Appropriate Ran had said. He was always calling Yohji Nissho, sunshine. Always saying Yohji pulled him into the light from his own darkness…. Into warm summer from the depths of winter.

Yohji smiled, letting his eyes roam over the lithe, incredible figure in front of him in obvious appreciation. ‘Hey beautiful.’ He hummed in a throaty, husky tone. Ran’s eyes widened a bit behind the mask and Yohji let his smile widen. ‘so. Night and day huh? Show me Angel, where’s mine?’

Ran lifted the mask and smiled at Yohji. That soft, special smile that thrilled Yohji’s heart every time… ‘this way Nissho.’ Ran pulled Yohji inside and toward the bedroom, excitement almost palpable. That more than anything made Yohji eager to see this costume. For Ran to be this excited…. And to _show it_. ‘I am most eager for you to see it Nissho’ Ran said as he opened the door. ‘when I saw it at the shop I knew it was you.’ He pushed Yohji lightly into the room and stood back to let Yohji look at the costume laid out on the bed.

Thankfully the first impression was of a burnished gold, rather than the canary yellow Yohji’d feared. The fabric of the pants and shirt were also the velour texture, but somehow the pile had been vergated, infused with color. You could see areas where the pile was brushed this way or that and revealed various tones of gold, burnished orange, almost golden tan, a peroxide white gold almost…. Like sunshine captured. This also sported a cloak in shimmering tones of gold, but all was eclipsed by the mask laying nearby. No doubt was left but that this portrayed the Sun. Blinding almost in its intense, shimmering gold, the mask had rays sprouting all around it, and almost seemed to give off light of its own. And this in the relatively darkened bedroom. Yohji could only imagine how bright it would be outside in real sunlight, or under spotlights at the reception. He was certain to garner attention at this event.

Yohji smiled imagining Ran’s well concealed delight at parading his “Nissho” around openly this way. If only there’d been some way for Ran to be dressed as his “Angel” Yohji shook his head, smiling at the image, and stepped forward to change. Ran slipped out as he began to undress with a murmured, ‘I’ll wait in the other room.’

As he stepped out of the room to look for Ran, Yohji was stopped by the quick gasp from his right. There Ran stood, waiting for him, obviously right by the doorway. ‘Oh Nissho, it’s perfect.’ Ran whispered. He raised a hand to drag it across Yohji’s shirt, exposing the myriad of color, bringing out the tones of sunlight across his chest and down one arm. He raised his eyes to Yohji’s, stunned anew at the warmth shining there.

Ran leaned easily into Yohji’s pull and allowed those warm, strong arms to envelop him. He moaned as he raised his face to Yohji’s, melting into the kiss as Yohji claimed his mouth. Slow, soft at first, quickly blazing with the fire that only Yohji could awake in him. Ran moaned again as his arms raised up around Yohji’s shoulders, fingers entwining in that soft, honey gold mane. Yohji tightened his hold, trailing fingers down the back of Ran’s neck, down his back, pulling him in close against him.

Finally, Yohji pulled back, panting slightly. ‘Ran, Angel. I’ve missed you. So much.’ He breathed deeply of Ran’s hair. ‘so much. Are you, are you sure we have to go to this dinner thing?’

The reception! Ran’s eyes flew open and he forced himself to pull back. Carefully sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. Damn.

‘Yohji.’ He sighed again. ‘I’m sorry Nissho, but, yes. I must attend. This… this is a very important night for Krittiker, and I must be there.’ He looked intently at Yohji. ‘there will be…. a big announcement, many….changes are in the works, for Krittiker, for…...’ he stopped, took a breath and a… calmness came over him. ‘I am... glad, Yohji that you will be there tonight. Glad I can, bring a friend….. The announcement will affect many aspects of… Krittiker, and there will be many executives there, many… co-workers.’

Ran turned away and started toward the door, but not before Yohji glimpsed _something_ in his face. Before Yohji could ask, Ran went on. ‘I know we have not had much time together, these last few weeks. Not real time. The passion has been.. wonderful those times we have spent together, but… I know it has been… difficult. I have missed you too, Yohji. Very much. I wish…. I wish we could spend more time together, like a normal couple… I’m… sorry.’ He straightened and his voice firmed. ‘in any case, we must go. I must be there for the opening ceremony. Persia has been most adamant about that. We…perhaps we can talk after the reception. There is …. much to discuss.’

Yohji grabbed Ran quickly, spinning him into his arms. He leaned in for a quick, passionate kiss, then pulled back to cup Ran’s cheek. ‘I will hold you to that Ran. We do need to talk. About a few things. It has been too long since we’ve had any real time together. I miss you, and … there are a few…. things I’d really like to talk to you about more too. Some, questions… things.’

He released Ran and set his cloak straight, pulling the mask over his face. ‘anyway, for now, let’s get this show on the road.’

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yohji watched with a sinking heart as _yet another_ person sat himself at their table and began to speak to Ran in another language Yohji couldn’t understand. French this time, it sounded like. Just how many languages could Ran speak anyway? This was the fourth time tonight Ran has conversed in some other language. Yohji was pretty sure he’d heard Spanish, or maybe Brazillian – something like that anyway. He’d recognized a few words, ‘ _amigo, Buenos tardes, adios’_ He knew for certain the second group had been German. He’d spent enough time with Schuldig to recognize German when he heard it. Could even pick out a few phrases. But these guys spoke really fast, and he didn’t actually _speak it_. He had no idea what that last guy was speaking, but this one, yeah, he was pretty sure it was French. The guy turned and inquired of Ran:

_Bonjour Monsieur Fujimiya, il est agréable de vous voir ce soir Je suis très heureux d'entendre parler de l'expansion de Krittiker (Hello Mr. Fujimiya, it is nice to see you this evening. I am excited to hear about Krittiker’s expansion.)_

_Bonsoir, Jaques. Oui, c'est une bonne chose pour Krittiker. (Good evening, Jaques. Yes it is a good move for Krittiker.)_

_Serez-vous la tête des efforts mondiaux (Will you be leading the global efforts ?)_

_Non, je vais mettre en place des bureaux à Londres, mais j'ai l'intention de rester aux États-Unis (No, I will set up offices in London, but I intend to remain stateside.)_

_Ah, bien, c'est une honte, votre professionnalisme est apprécié. (Ah, well, that is a shame, your professionalism is appreciated.) Est-ce un client ainsi? (Is this a client as well?)_

_Non, ceci est mon ami, Yohji. Il est dans la musique, mais n'est pas signé avec Krittiker. (No, this is my friend, Yohji. He is in music, but is not signed with Krittiker.)_

Yohji blinked at hearing his name. Smiling politely, he excused himself to refill his drink. His heart was sinking as his fears from the past few weeks resurfaced the more he watched Ran tonight. Some of these that Ran had talked with were obviously taken with Ran, some openly admiring.

Though Ran remained oblivious to his own attraction, Yohji wasn’t. He saw how they looked at Ran. Men and women both. And while he longed to pull Ran in close and make damn sure they knew he was taken, he knew full well that was not an option. Not only not tonight, but not at all… No public display, no chance for scandal. Not only the scandal of Ran being with a man, but the scandal of Ran being with someone beneath his station, a ‘street rat’. Somehow Yohji thought Persia’s offense at them being together stemmed from that part of it as much, if not more, than the stigma of them being men. Sure, Persia degraded Ran’s preference, but some of the things he’d said to Ran about Yohji and the guys reeked more of social disdain….

He heard Ran exchange a few more comments before the guy left and Ran joined Yohji at the refreshment table close by. ‘Are you alright Yohji?’ Ran asked quietly.

‘Yeah. I’m fine.’ Yohji responded lightly, but Ran knew. Something was wrong. Yohji’d withdrawn steadily as the evening progressed, growing more quiet and seeming to be uneasy. He’d enjoyed the music, the pageantry, the acrobatic entertainers – Persia had really gone all out for this reception banquet. Very traditional in the presentation, very European …. King Henry-ish. He had musicians, magicians, and dancers mingling, performing, throughout the hall. Yohji’d enjoyed it at first, but as the night wore on he grew more and more uneasy, pulling into himself. And Ran had no idea _why._

‘One more hour Yohji, and I will make the final announcement, give the closing speech and we can go.’ Ran watched Yohji struggle to answer. ‘If…. Yohji, if you’re…. uncomfortable, if something’s wrong…. You don’t have to stay. I… I can meet you, back at the apartment…’ Ran trailed off. He watched as a self mocking smile flashed across Yohji’s face before his almost bitter voice replied, ‘No Ran. I’ll stay. I can find something to amuse myself with.’ Yohji’s voice quieted to almost a whisper at the end. There was that bitter smile again, then Yohji spoke softly. ‘you know what Ran, on second thought, you don’t need me here – not really. I’m gonna go.’

‘But, Yohji-‘

‘No. I should go Ran. I….. I got nothing to do with these people, can’t even talk to half of them, even if I did. This is… these people are… another level Ran. Not not for the likes of me.’ He shrugged, ‘anyway… the food was really nice, the … entertainment, I have never seen anything like this, short of a circus. The acrobats, the music…’ again Yohji was whispering by the end. He looked into Ran’s eyes, searching for a moment. ‘Thank you Ran.’ He said solemnly. ‘Thank you for showing me a part of your world.’

Ran blinked, ‘What? Yohji-‘ he began, but was cut off _again_ as Yohji went on, determination in his eyes. ‘I’m gonna go Ran. It was nice, real nice, but….. I don’t belong here, not really. You finish up what you gotta do, and… I’ll see ya tomorrow, ok?’

‘Tomorrow?, But Yohji’ Ran trailed off, refusing to beg. Refusing to give Yohji any reason to be disappointed in him or to look down on him any more than he obviously did already after watching this evening’s interactions. The front Ran had to put on as Krittiker’s tool. Ran closed his eyes, then looked at Yohji and answered quietly. ‘ok Yohji. If that’s what you want.’

‘yeah.’ Yohji replied. ‘you know, I haven’t spent any time with Schu lately. Been so busy…. Any time in town has all been spent trying to catch up with you and I… He’s still my best friend. I should see him, hang out a little. I’ll crash at his condo tonight so you don’t have to worry. Stay as late as you have to, don’t worry about me waiting up or anything. I know this thing is important and you got all these guests from…. Well, from everywhere – I’m sure they’re….. important. We’ll…. We’ll talk tomorrow, ok?’

Yohji made a show of patting Ran on the shoulder, perfectly acceptable as a public gesture between friends, rather than taking Ran in his arms as he so desperately wanted to, and turned to go – missing the flash of pain in Ran’s eyes before he slammed them closed and put back on the impassive face he’d worn most of the night.

He didn’t see Ran’s hand almost reach for him before forming a fist and falling to his side, and he completely missed the instant of bowed head and slumped shoulders before Ran composed himself. He missed all of this as he made his way to the exit, frantic now to get away from the overwhelming evidence of the differences between him – an almost poor kid, turned still close to poor musician, surrounded by foster kids, blue collar, normal guys, and Ran – practically a prince, cultured, educated, poised…. So far above Yohji it was incredible they’d even spoken, that they got along at all…. Yohji missed all of Ran’s pain, bewilderment, even fear, but…. the dark figure in the corner of the room, that had observed them both all evening, didn’t miss a single moment of it………

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yohji sat on the sofa in his comfortable sweats and tshirt he’d changed into at Schu’s earlier, twirling his beer as Jei watched him. ‘Yohji, what the hell is wrong with you?’

Yohji’s head snapped up and he looked angry for a moment, then resigned, ‘Jei, remember how you worried about the class difference with Ran and me? How it would work? Well…. I got a real glimpse of the difference tonight, and…. It’s bigger that I thought. I mean, I didn’t get it, not really, how different we are. It was all about getting to know _him_ , who he is, how he is… but, damn Jei, he speaks like, five languages or something, he directed that damn dinner and ceremony like he was a prince or something. In complete control, servants bowing, he could meet with the fucking president and look like he was the one in charge. I…. I felt….’

‘you felt worthless, like you didn’t belong there.’ Jei said. Yohji’s eyes widened, and Jei went on. ‘I’ve been watching you Yohji, for a while. Since you got here tonight, you’ve been…. Dejected, lost, like a kicked dog.’ Yohji’s eyes narrowed, but Jei went on before he could say anything ‘but that’s not how you looked up until today. You’ve been happy Yohji. Really happy. Worried about him, about the situation, but… happy. Until you found out about this thing tonight. Then you started worrying…. Wondering. Look. He took you with him. Asked you to go. To this formal thing, where his father may not actually be there, but all his flunkies are. That has to mean something Yohji. Something big. Think about it. You’ve been getting to know him you said. Well, I’ve watched him too, those few times he’s hung out with us. Is this reception thing something you think he would enjoy? Something he would choose to do, if he had a choice – based on what you know of him? I’m sure he does enjoy the symphony, acrobats, ballet, all that jazz, but.... think – do you think he _wants_ to be a prince, on display, the Krittiker Prince?’

Yohji’s head snapped up and his jaw dropped. ‘Yohji.’ Jei growled, ‘He took you with him. He _asked_ you to go with him. He’s never had a friend you said. Never had anyone to be there for him when he had to face these people. When he had to be Krittiker’s doll prince. No one to be himself with when he had to do this shit. He took you to this thing, in a freaking matched costume, knowing people would gawk at him. Gawk and stare at the “ice prince” bringing a friend with him. Report back to Persia probably… Why would he do that, you think? Why set himself up like that? Dumbshit. He needs you.’ Jei shook his head. ‘I’ve watched him Yohji. I’ve seen the way he is around you. I don’t care how much money he has, what he’s been raised with… the man actually needs you. He took you with him to this big important Krittiker function, where he told you he’d have to be in the spotlight – where he had to be the one to make this whatever announcement. He took you with him, and you left him there.’

‘Oh shit!’ Yohji breathed out, then almost couldn’t breathe at all as it hit him. ‘Oh shit Jei. What did I-…. I, I gotta go man.’

‘yeah, I guess so.’ Jei watched as Yohji stumbled out the door, dazed. ‘idiot.’

Yohji let it all tumble in his head as he drove to Ran’s place. Ran had needed him tonight and he’d been so wrapped up in wallowing over something so stupid, in how much better Ran might be able to do than him…. Yohji knew Ran could find someone smarter, more cultured, more… sophisticated. Yeah, he could definitely find someone better than Yohji in all those areas, but he wouldn’t find anyone who could love him more, who needed him more than Yohji. Yohji’d been so overwhelmed by this worry about their differences that he hadn’t even thought about what it meant for Ran to take him to this thing…. Damn.

He entered the apartment only to realize he was alone. Ran wasn’t there. The place was dark, empty. What? He’d been with Jei for at least two hours, and that after first stopping to visit with Schu and shoot a couple rounds of pool. Shit. It was late, real late. Where the hell was Ran? Yohji dropped onto the sofa, lights still off, holding his head in his hands. God. He’d really fucked up tonight.

Yohji jumped up as he heard the front door open. He watched as Ran came into the apartment, head down, shoulders curled in on himself, eyes closed. Ran took a deep breath and turned to go toward the bedroom, never bothering to turn on a light….

Some movement or breath or something must have alerted him he was not alone. His head shot up and Yohji was floored at the look on Ran’s face as he saw Yohji there. ‘Yohji?’ Ran asked in a small voice, ‘what?’

Three firm steps and Yohji had Ran in his arms. This, this is where he belonged. This was right. It was. No matter any differences, no matter anything. ‘Ran. I’m sorry.’ Yohji whispered into Ran’s hair as Ran clung to him, trembling. ‘I’m so sorry Angel. I’m sorry I left you there. I’m sorry I didn’t understand.’ He stepped back, holding Ran by the shoulders as he looked into Ran’s eyes. ‘I love you Ran. I think you love me too, even if you can’t say it, even if I’m not on your level…. I was wrong to say I didn’t belong there. I know that now. I belong wherever you are. I’m sorry’ He leaned in to kiss Ran softly, tenderly, but Ran was having none of that.

He held Yohji tightly, deepening the kiss, a whimper escaping him as he pressed himself tightly against Yohji’s body. Ran pulled back a bit to catch his breath and Yohji pulled him in yet closer, molding them together, just holding Ran, squeezing, rocking slightly. ‘Where were you Angel? Why are you so late coming home?’

Ran sighed, tensing for a moment, then he relaxed. Speaking into Yohji’s shoulder he answered. ‘I went to see Aya after I finally got out of there. With…. With you leaving, I… I had to stay… to, to handle some things… deal with-‘ Yohji hissed, ‘Ran, I’m’

Ran cut him off with a hand over his mouth. ‘No more Yohji. Don’t be sorry. I could tell you were uncomfortable. If anything, I am the one who is sorry. I-‘ he dropped his eyes to the floor, ‘I thought you’d enjoy the magic, the dancers, everything…. more. I shouldn’t have put you through that. I know you were disappointed with me, I-‘

‘disappointed? In you? No Ran. I wasn’t disappointed in anything. Definitely not with you. Ran, I just….’ Yohji sighed and steered them to the sofa. ‘Ran. How many languages do you speak?

Ran blinked. ‘What? I… well, I…. why Yohji? What does that have to do with anything?’

‘Ran. Answer me.’ Yohji was solemn, but kept hold of Ran’s hand as Ran tried to make sense of this. ‘well.’ He looked down, thinking for a moment. ‘Seven Yohji. I speak seven languages. Why?’

Yohji sighed, closing his eyes briefly, then looked up. ‘it doesn’t matter Ran. Forget it.’ He forced a smile and caressed Ran’s cheek.

‘Yohji. What’s **_wrong_**?’ Ran whispered, eyes uncertain, no _hint_ of the prince from earlier. Yohji could see the fear there. Ran worried Yohji’d found something wrong in Ran. Something that would chase Yohji away. Like Ran was always pretending not to be worried about….

Yohji smiled, more sincerely as he thought about this. As he realized Jei was right. Ran needed him. Ran loved him. For now, Ran didn’t seem to fully acknowledge it, but Yohji saw it there. And, yes, Ran could do better than Yohji, so much better in certain areas. But Ran didn’t seem to understand that, to even consider it. And Yohji was damned determined to keep it that way. To show Ran how much he loved him. How he could love him like no one else ever could. To make it so that Ran wouldn’t even see the thought that someone else could be better…. Someday, it would come. Someone at Ran’s level would see past the Krittiker prince. Someone would catch a glimpse of his Angel. Especially now that Ran had awakened his own sensuality. Someday, someone would see this and would pursue. Yohji couldn’t compete with cultured educated, sophisticated rich bastards who could discuss world events in other languages, who could talk about intellectual novel and shit, who could carry themselves at events like tonight, right alongside Ran. But, Yohji had Ran’s heart for now. If he could fill it full enough maybe…. Maybe Ran wouldn’t notice those better options out there. Maybe…

Before the recent traveling conflicts, they’d spent more and more time together. And whenever they were both on down time, Yohji was a regular visitor at Ran’s apartment, almost living there now when they were both in town for extended periods. He _had_ been ignoring Schu lately, but…. He needed Ran to know he was there, that Ran was important to him. Now that he’d had a glimpse into Ran’s world this was even more important. ‘Nothing’s…. wrong, Babe. Not really. I was… just overwhelmed. By all the ceremony, the …. I don’t know. Anyway. I’m sorry. Sorry I didn’t see – that you needed me there. I’m sorry that I left you there, with the wolves, alone. I love you Ran. I do. It was just a stupid thing that got to me and I let it seem bigger than it is….’ Yohji pulled Ran in close beside him, stroking his hair, his back. ‘We’ll talk about it more, later. For now, just.... let me show you Ran. Let me love you tonight.’

Ran raised his head to look into Yohji’s eyes. The uncertainty from earlier was gone. The warmth and love that took Ran’s breath away was back. Ran’s own eyes darkened and he turned to kiss Yohji’s palm. ‘yes Yohji, please. Love me. Make love to me Yohji. No stopping, no holding back. No more waiting. Love me’ he whispered, his throat tight as he voiced the plea from his soul.

Yohji closed his eyes, trembling as he caressed Ran’s jaw, pulling gently he brought their lips together. Almost touching, feeling Ran’s breath mingle with his own, as he answered with a moan, ‘I do Ran. I do love you. I need you.’

He kissed Ran then, deeply, slowly, the kiss intensifying, building with a passion too long denied, until Yohji was devouring Ran, shaking with the need overtaking him.

Yohji forced himself to pull back, hands entwined in Ran’s hair, foreheads touching, panting lightly he opened his eyes to take in Ran’s flushed face, eyes closed…. ‘Not here Angel. The bedroom, I don’t want to stop later. Let me do this right.’ He stood and leaned down, taking Ran in his arms, he stood. Ran’s eyes flew open, ‘Yohji, what the hell?’ Almost angry with surprise, Ran sputtered. Yohji laughed quietly. ‘It’s ok Angel. Just this once, just for a bit. You’ll get over it. Let me do this.’ He carried Ran to the bedroom.

Laying Ran gently on the bed, Yohji spoke quietly, ‘Tonight, at least _this_ time tonight, let me Ran. Let me do it this way first. We’ll try another way later tonight.’ Yohji smiled, leered just a bit, then slipped back into the gentle, loving mood. ‘Mine Ran,’ he whispered, ‘be mine. Let me give you this, for this first time, this special time,’

Ran’s eyes softened as he reached up to caress Yohji’s jaw. ‘yes Yohji.’ He whispered back, ‘I am yours. Show me this, and more later, show me everything Yohji. Sensei, Nissho’ Ran lay back into the pillows, relaxed, trusting, loving…. Completely open in a way Yohji knew only he had ever seen.

‘I will baby, I will.’ Yohji kissed him quickly, then set about undressing Ran. He kissed each bit of flesh as it was uncovered. Licking, nipping his way down Ran’s neck, across his shoulders and chest, massaging as he pushed the shirt back off Ran’s body.

He kept constant contact with his mouth and hands as he pull4ed the shirt away and dropped it. He made his way to the waistband of Ran’s pants, some part of him taking in that Ran was toeing off his shoes. He kept his hands roaming over Ran’s chest as he first outlined Ran’s hardness through the fabric of the pants. Then Yohji looked up to take in Ran’s dazed eyes watching his every move as he licked Ran’s navel and just below the waistband.

Ran’s hands that had been entwined in the blanket came to rest gently on Yohji’s head. ‘yes Yohji’ Ran mouthed, breathless, ‘yes Yohji. Taste me, please.’

‘Ran’ Yohji groaned, and pulled the pants gently down. Slowly, following the receding fabric with his tongue. He continued to push them lower and couldn’t help but take Ran into his mouth when Ran’s hips came up from the mattress.

‘Yohji’ Ran moaned deeply as his fingers twisted in Yohji’s hair. ‘yes Yohji yes’ Ran was panting now, thrusting into Yohji’s suction, ‘yes Yohji. Please Yohji. Don’t….. don’t ….. ever… stop. Yohji! I…. I do love you, Yohji, I’m…. yes… Yohji. Wait… I…. want, Yohji, I….. can’t’

Yohji shook his head and hummed lightly, determined to bring Ran over the edge and sucked harder. He dug his hands into Ran’s hips, pulling Ran deeper into his mouth.

‘Yohji!.... Yohji. Yes, i-‘ Ran gasped then suddenly jerked upward, dropping his head back as he came, ‘ah… ungh….oh, Yo…. Yohji.’ He hissed out as he slowly eased back to the bed.

Yohji hummed again as his mouth was filled with Ran’s heat, pulsing out of him with Ran’s heartbeat. This was his. Only his. He tightened his grip, sucking harder then softer as Ran came down, licking lightly until he felt Ran soften in his mouth. He began to nuzzle, allowing Ran to slip from his mouth. He kissed Ran’s hip, then thigh as he rested a moment, Ran’s soft heat against his cheek. He rubbed his face into Ran, squeezing his eyes tightly closed as he pushed the worry and fear away. Ran loved him. Even with Persia hanging over their heads, even with the threats to Aya, Ran loved him. Nothing would change that. Ran wouldn’t leave him for another, this was just too right.

He raised his head, smiling at Ran as Ran began to caress his hair softly. ‘I do love you Yohji.’ Ran said as Yohji’s eyes met his. ‘you are my light. You keep my darkness away. I was afraid of it before, couldn’t say it. But, I’m afraid more of not saying it, of losing you, your warmth. I love you Yohji.’

‘I love you too Angel. I need you.’ Yohji pushed Ran’s pants off the bed and stood to finish undressing. He grabbed the lube from the bedside drawer and gently turned Ran on his side. ‘ok angel.’ Yohji whispered, ‘let me fill up’ Yohji creased Ran[s flank and began to kiss the side of his neck, in that special spot that always had Ran squirming and hard as he gently began to prepare him. One finger first, like they’d done before. Then, after a bit, when there was no tension, another. Two now, then three, as much as they’d done before. Yohji took his time, pushing a little farther with each thrust, each stroke ghosting over Ran’s pleasure center twisting as he pulled back, pressing just a little harder until Ran began to moan, ‘yes Yohji, there’ Ran began to harden again as Yohji watched, and Yohji gently eased himself up against Ran’s back, panting himself as he rocked into Ran’s hips. Moaning into Ran’s shoulder, ‘Ran. I want you Ran, I need you,’

He began to pump his hand into Ran harder, faster, and his other hand reached around to grasp Ran’s hardness. ‘Wait Yohji, wait.’ Ran gasped, ‘I.. I’m close, I’ll… I’ll cum again. I want you Yohji, inside me, filling me. Please Nissho, now … please’ Ran whimpered as he fought to keep from thrusting himself back into Yohji, searching for that brush against him deep inside. ‘Yohji, Yohji… please… now, hurry.’

Yohji forced himself to stop and held himself still a moment, shaking. He positioned himself and leaned down to kiss Ran’s ear. ‘Ran, I’m gonna be inside you Baby, feel me Ran, feel me filling you, inside you.’ Yohji gently removed his fingers and lubed himself as he talked to Ran. ‘deep breath baby’ he whispered as he began to thrust gently, ‘push out a little as I push in. tell me _tell me_ Ran , if it hurts.’ He thrust gently again, ‘please Ran’ he whispered ‘please don’t let me hurt you.’ Yohji clenched his teeth with the effort to go slow, ‘god Ran’ he moaned as he breached that first tightness, forcing himself to stop as he took in Ran’s subtle tension.

‘Ran’ he gasped, panted, ‘Angel. Please.. let me in Ran, relax, breathe’

Ran began to relax – finally he answered, ‘yes Yohji, I’m… ok, I’m ok .. .it’s just a little… full, is all. It’s…. alright, Nissho, fill me. Keep going Yohji, I want you, please.’

Yohji slowly pulled back , then pushed forward again, in… out, deeper, just a bit, each time until he was balls deep. ‘that’s it angel,’ he panted, ‘that’s all of me. Ran. So hot, so…tight. Angel… Ran’ Yohji twisted, just a bit, then tried to hold himself tightly as Ran tightened around him with a gasp. ‘yes Yohji! There… Yohji please…. Yohji’

‘yes Ran, yes’ Yohji moaned and began to thrust, slow, deep thrusts, making sure to graze just here each time. Each thrust a little harder, a little fast until Ran was calling out, ‘Yohji, yes Yohji! Harder.. don’t stop Yohji, please. There! Yes!’

Yohji began to thrust faster, harder pushing into Ran. He wrapped his fist around Ran’s hardness, squeezing, holding. Ran began to push himself, into Yohji’s fist, back onto Yohji’s cock. ‘oh Yohji, oh… yes. Deeper, Yohji. Right…. There. … Yohji. I’m ..’

‘yes Ran!’ Yohji gasped, ‘yes. Cum for me Angel. Ran!’ Yohji was pounding now. Thrusting in deep, hard, squeezing Ran in his fist, giving Ran a tight channel to rock into. ‘Now Ran! Cum for me now Angel.’ And Ran did. Exploding, tightening like a vise around Yohji as he cried, ’Yohji!’ spurting into Yohji’s hand with such force, each pulse dragging a jerk of his hips, pulling on Yohji’s cock so hard Yohji could hardly move.

‘Ran!’ Yohji gave two more powerful thrusts and filled Ran with his hot eruption. ‘ungh!’ Yohji clamped his arms around Ran, pulling him as tightly close as he could, just holding him as he felt each spasm pulling out of him, pulled from deep inside, like a part of his soul was pouring out. He shuddered through the last pulse, going limp a moment. He came to himself and realized ran had brought his own arms up to hold Yohji as best he could from this position. One hand holding Yohji’s face to his shoulder, the other holding yjs arms against his chest, fingers intertwined. Ran was whispering, ‘Yohji, my Yohji.’

Yohji nuzzled softly against Ran’s shoulder and tightened his hold briefly. Then eased off. ‘I’m gonna move Babe’ he whispered as he gently began to pull back. He felt Ran wince against the side of his face, just a second, as he slid out. ‘I’m sorry,’ he began, but Ran turned to kiss him as they rolled over. ‘I’m not, Yohji’ Ran leaned over and kissed Yohji deeply, holding his face. ‘I’m not sorry for a moment of it. It was perfect . you were perfect.’ He raised up, looking at Yohji ‘thank you Yohji. Thank you for being you. For loving me, for seeing something worth the trouble… for…everything.’

Yohji caressed Ran’s face, and answered, ‘Ran I do love you. I say thank you for letting me. For giving me a part of you that is only mine. This is right Ran. We are right.’

He eased Ran down beside his as he used the t-shirt he’d been wearing to clean them up. ‘sleep Angel. In a bit, we’ll shower and start over. I am gonna make love to you all night Ran, in every way I can think of. All night, and all tomorrow too-‘ he smiled, then faltered as he took in the look of dismay in Ran’s eyes. ‘Ran? What’s wrong?’ he whispered, ‘does it hurt too much? Oh Ran, I’m-‘

‘No, Yohji, no. Everything is perfect. I want you to make love to me all night, please, it’s just….’ He looked down, then back to Yohji’s face. He sighed. ‘I have to leave Yohji. Tomorrow. I have to go to London to meet with the investors and iron out the new offices. I… I was going to tell you, but… you left. Before the announcement and I wasn’t sure… if you were…’ he stopped, took a deep breath, and went on. ‘anyway. My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon. We can make love all night, and have some time tomorrow morning. I can sleep on the plane. I’m sorry Yohji, I should have told you…I’d hoped to postpone the trip, or send someone, but… when, when you left… I didn’t…. I-‘

‘shhh’ Yohji pulled him in. ‘it’s ok baby, it’s ok.’ Yohji sighed, ‘damn. How long Ran?’

‘two weeks.’ Ran whispered.

‘two weeks?’ Yohji whispered back, eyes clenched shut.

Ran nodded against his chest. ‘well damn. Damn, Ran. I…’ Yohji sighed, ‘I’m sorry.’ He whispered, ‘I shouldn’t; have left Ran. … Just....rest , let me hold you, let me love you and fill up on you while I can.’

They snuggled in and calmed, rested, quietly. Soon Yohji felt Ran relaxing to sleep. Well. Served him right for leaving like that. Shit. Two weeks. With just those people Yohji’d been so worried about. Two weeks was longer than they’d gone without each other at one stretch. But… well…. Ran was fully his now. He wouldn’t be swayed by anyone else. He wouldn’t. Yohji squeezed a bit before kissing Ran’s head and settling in to wait for Ran to wake. He _would_ make love to Ran all night. So for many days of that first week Ran would still _feel_ Yohji …


	7. Chapter 7

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 7 **

****

** A TRIP **

Yohji lounged on the sofa in his robe, finishing his cigarette, and watched as Ran finished packing, the redhead latching closed the last suitcase. He couldn’t help but grin as Ran winced just a bit as he straightened. But the grin was quickly replaced by a frown.

He stood and took Ran into his arms. ‘Angel. I’m sorry.’ He kissed the side of Ran’s neck, inhaling the sandalwood of his hair. ‘I got carried away last night. You just.... you’re so....’

‘What are you talking about, Yohji?’ Ran asked. He turned in Yohji’s arms. Nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder. ‘there is nothing to be sorry for. Last night was perfect. Everything I’ve hoped for.’

‘you’re gonna be sore on that damn plane, Babe. Sitting for so long. Especially after the night we had. I shouldn’t have-‘

Ran cut him off. ‘It’s ok Yohji. More than ok. I.... I can take a bit of you with me this way. Every twinge will just bring last night to mind. It will....be nice, to have that. Besides,’ he kissed Yohji quickly, and stepped back. ‘I fully intend to sleep most of the flight. Otherwise, I’ll never get switched to London time. Really, Yohji. It’s ok. Though, I do regret one thing...’ he let his voice trail off and dropped his head to hide the slight smile as Yohji responded the way Ran had known he would.

‘What Babe? What’s wrong? Did I-’ Yohji asked quickly, concerned, Just as Ran knew he would be.

Ran quickly him off. ‘No. Yohji No. nothing is wrong. It’s just....’ Ran took a deep breath, ‘well, Yohji.... since... since the first time you... touched me... inside. The first time you showed me, what it could be like, I’ve....I’ve wanted to .... give that to you... to be ... inside you. I regret that, that I did not get the chance for that Yohji. I still feel you, will feel you, inside me – for a few days, I imagine. I would have liked.... I’d like to leave that feeling, of Me inside you, with you as well. To know you are feeling me..... while .....’ he couldn’t go on. He just stood there, looking at Yohji with such a look.... hungry almost, but... uncertain.

‘Oh Ran. yes... yes Angel. Let me give this to you too, before you go. Give me that feeling babe, to tide me over until you come back to me.’ Yohji’s eyes smoldered, as he brought Ran’s hand down to his hardness. Instantly full at Ran’s request. ‘I want you Ran... I want to feel you filling me, deep deep inside me. Ran, I want that too, so so much. Take me. We have time Baby..... Take me now.’

Yohji’s eyes closed at the growl from deep in Ran’s chest as Ran pulled him in close to his body, feeling Ran’s own shaft rock hard against his as Ran devoured Yohji’s mouth, thrusting his tongue deep, fast, in a parody of what was to come.

‘yes Yohji’ Ran growled, dropping to bite at Yohji’s neck as he steered them back to the bed. He bit down on the junction of neck and shoulder, suckling, licking, ‘I want you Yohji. I want to make you call my name, I want to make you mine. To make you forget everything else.’ Ran hurriedly removed his own clothes even as he pulled Yohji’s robe away. He ran his hands over Yohji’s chest, down his abs, to cradle his hot, hard length. ‘yes’ he hissed as Yohji arched into his touch.

‘yes Ran,’ Yohji panted, ‘yes... take me Angel. I am yours, feel me Ran, remember the feel of me wrapped around you...ah Ran.’ Yohji arced his back again as Ran slid down his body to lightly lick the slit of his cock.

‘this lesson, Sensei, I have learned well.’ Ran smirked as he took Yohji between his lips, sucking him deep into his throat in one swift movement.

‘ah! Yes, gr-grass... hopper... you...huh...ah... have... mas.... mastered.... this ..ah...lessON!’ this last almost a scream as Ran swallowed around his length, deep in his throat, and hummed his pleasure as he buried his nose in the blonde curls at the base. ‘Ran....uh..ngh...Ran! wait!....oh..gah... in...inside...me... hurry... I want...i want to.... cum...with...RAN!’ Yohji couldn’t’ hold back any longer as Ran did _that_ with his tongue. Sucking fiercely as he slipped a slicked finger inside Yohji, Ran twisted that finger just so and Yohji came, seeing stars as he called Ran’s name, ‘Ran... oh fuck!’ he curled forward, both hands on Ran’s head, holding him close as he emptied his essence into that hot, spasming throat.

Ran swallowed, swirling his tongue around Yohji’s softening shaft as he pressed another finger inside, then raised his head to watch Yohji’s face. ‘I will make you cum again Nissho, while I am inside you, but I needed to taste you Yohji, to bring you to that point, with my mouth, I love the feel of you on my tongue, the smell of you, the rasp of your hairs against my cheek.’

Ran kept talking as he finished preparing an almost insensible Yohji, stretching, scissoring, as Yohji’d done for him... ‘Yohji,’ he growled, ‘Yohji I can’t wait, I ... I want you, I _need_ you.’ Ran raised himself up over Yohji, his eyes never leaving Yohji’s emerald depths. ‘feel me Yohji..... take me in,..... Yohji ....Nissho, ahh! You are so hot! So.... Yohji.... so tight... ah!...I.’

He couldn’t talk, couldn’t think. As he sheathed himself inside molten velvet, his eyes slid closed, head thrown back, fists clenched so tightly in the sheets on either side of Yohji’s head Yohji could hear the sheets tearing. ‘Ran!.... Angel, yes... fill me, all the way in Ran. yes!’ Yohji arched himself to take all of Ran fully inside, ‘oh Angel, ungh!’

Yohji brought his hands up to hold Ran’s biceps, arcing his back, pushing his hips up into Ran’s, pressing his cock between their bodies. ‘Move Babe. Move..’.

Yohji squeezed Ran’s muscled arms tighter as he tilted his head back, exposing his throat. Ran couldn’t resist, leaning down to sick at Yohji’s pulse. The lean caused his cock to shift inside Yohji and he was startled as Yohji cried out. ‘Ran!’ Yohji panted beneath him and Ran moved experimentally, grazing his cock again at that angle. ‘yes ...Ran... ngh!’ Yohji was rocking against him almost frantic now. ‘yes Ran.. there... ah! More, ...harder.... uh... huh... faster... Ran!’

Ran loosed all restraint at that call, pistoning into Yohji with deep, full thrusts, ramming into him, calling out his own cries, ‘yes Yohji, so...hot.... Yohji! Yes, yes. Feel me Yohji, that is ME inside you, only me Yohji.... my cock.... mine!..... Yohji.... say my name, Yohji, cum for me... Yohji. Calling my name.....’

Ran’s thrusts increased as sweat rolled down his neck, down his back, stinging the claw marks left behind as Yohji switched his grip from biceps to upper back, anchoring himself to Ran, arching, pulling Ran closely to himself. Ran struggled, forcing his hand between their bodies to take Yohji’s perfect cock into his fist. ‘cum for me Yohji, give yourself to me....’

Ran panted, pumping Yohji’s cock in time with his breaths, faster, harder... ‘Ran! I’m... oh, da... damn, Ran... I can’t ... it’s..... Ran it’s..... hold me, Ran! ple... please.... Ran, I... aaaahhh...ngh’ Yohji gripped Ran so tightly, channel tightening around his cock, legs clamping around his waist, arms clenched, holding Ran so closely, he could barely breathe. Yohji’s cock swelled and throbbed in Ran’s fist, hot wetness pulsing between them.

Yohji’s body spasmed with each pulse, milking Ran’s cock. ‘Yohji!’ Ran managed two more full thrusts, freezing deep inside Yohji, pushing as far as he could into that tight, squeezing heat. ‘ah! Yohji!’ Ran’s whole body went taut, head thrown back, left arm locked beside Yohji’s head, trembling with the force rushing through his body. An endless moment, whiteness exploding across his sight, then Ran came back to himself only to have his arm give out, and to fall forward into Yohji’s embrace. Yohji gripped him all the tighter, planting kisses on his head, stroking his back. ‘Angel, Ran.... oh Ran...’ Yohji whispered between kisses.

After a moment, Ran regained sensibility enough to nuzzle into Yohji’s neck, ‘Nissho,’ he croaked, ‘Yohji.. that... was ...’ he tried to lift himself off, but found his arms unwilling to cooperate. A second try yielded better results. He rolled to one side, allowing Yohji to pull him into his arms. ‘Thank you Yohji, thank you.’ Ran felt himself begin to doze, and realized Yohji was shaking – ahh, chuckling.

‘Oh no Angel. Thank _you_ , believe me... that was... God Ran, just.... damn.’ Yohji kissed Ran’s hair, running his fingers through it over and over. ‘Really. We _have_ to do that again.... you... you fit me... remarkably well, Angel.’ Yohji looked down at their sated, entwined bodies, ‘we need to clean up Babe,’ he tilted Ran’s head back to look him in the eye, and realized Ran had dozed off. ‘ok then, a short nap I guess.’ He grinned, pulling his robe over them softly, glancing at the clock. Hmm, a shot nap, quick shower, yeah, they could manage it.... he set the alarm, then snuggled deeper, holding Ran tightly to his body, and smiling as Ran reflexively squeezed back with a murmured, ‘Yohji.’

‘I’ve got you Baby, it’s ok... I’ve got you.’ Yohji whispered as he too fell into oblivion.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yohji watched solemnly as Ran made his way down the long corridor, one final glance back as he turned the corner at the end that would take him to the terminal for his flight. Frustrated at the requirements that caused Ran to have to go through security and wait alone for the fight to board, the lousy reception the airport afforded preventing them talking on cells too, (that restriction lasting until Ran touched down in London, or more likely until he got out of Heathrow...) and add in the fucking social complications that prevented Yohji from kissing him properly goodbye.... Yohji turned and made his way out to parking with a sigh.

Two weeks, damn... their timing just really sucked. To finally consummate things fully just to be separated for such a long time. Ah well, he certainly had enough fodder for his fantasies while Ran was away..... Yohji closed his eyes and took a full deep breath, still able to smell Ran’s shampoo in the car. He pictured once more the look on Ran’s face as he’d taken Yohji only short hours before, his first time experiencing that hot, tight, vice wrapped around his cock. Ran had fit so well, his cock seeming almost made just to fit inside Yohji, grazing Yohji’s sweet spot as soon as he’d been fully seated, almost dead on with every thrust....

Yohji took another deep breath and let it out with a short moan as he shook his head at the feeling of his cock beginning to swell. ‘ah Yohji, you’re such an idiot.’ He grumbled to himself ‘nothing like self torture.’

He turned on the radio as he made his way out of the parking garage, and once on the open road dialed Schuldig’s number. ‘hey Schu. You busy? ..... Good, thought I’d swing by, seems I have some time to kill. No, things are.... okay, just – fucked up.’ He let loose a short, bitter chuckle. ‘I’ll explain when I get there. I have a short stop to make, but I’d like to come by this afternoon, have dinner, hang out, ok? ..... great! I’ll hit Giorgio’s on the way over, grab us both a sub...... No, everything’s ... okay – look, I’ll explain everything when I get there, ok? Good... good, see ya say.....’ Yohji checked his watch, thought a moment, ‘say 3:30.’

Yohji disconnected and drove on. Considering his upcoming schedule, really it could be worse. WEISS had a couple of three day gigs booked, and these always limited his time with Ran. It wasn’t like Ran could just skip everything and hang with Yohji when they had these, but with him up most of the night and sleeping days away, and Ran’s prick father increasing the demands of Krittiker and the traveling..... well, their days were short enough together. This two weeks would go by fast enough. And they had cells, sure the time difference could be a bitch, but... Yohji clenched his jaw. He was NOT allowing this to be an issue. He’d miss Ran, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? And at least for a bit Omi couldn’t bitch about missed practice or late arrivals....

Yohji pulled into the hospital parking lot and found a spot far away from all the other cars. A bit of a walk was more than worth it to keep inconsiderate pricks from scratching his baby. He took a deep breath and made his way to Aya’s room. He’d promised Ran to keep an eye on her while he was away, and ... well, may as well see her now – after all, Yohji’d planned to be able to waste this whole day with Ran.

He entered her room, as always feeling a bit out of place, but doubly so for this first solo visit. Wishing he could sit back and watch as always when he tagged along with Ran, instead he made his way to the bedside. He placed the fresh bouquet of daffodils on her table and leaned over. ‘well Aya. Hi. It’s me, Yohji. Ran, he had to go away for an extended trip, for work. He... asked me to keep an eye on you.’ Yohji trailed his fingers through her hair, then lifted one hand, placing a short kiss on her palm. ‘I brought ya flowers princess. Daffodils. They always seem.... I dunno, happy, bright.... anyway. Ran knew I’d get nervous, so he gave me this book... to read to ya. Said it’s one of your favorites, something light, he said.’ Yohji pulled out a book from the small bag he carried and sat in the nearby chair. ‘I’m gonna leave it here, in your bedside table. The nurse said it was ok. I’ll.... I’ll try to come by, like every couple days. So you wont be too lonely, with Ran away.’ Yohji cleared his throat, ‘Anyway, let’s see.’ He turned the book over in his hands to read out the title, ‘Where the sidewalk ends.....’

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran groped along the bedside table blindly, anxious to stop the infernal _buzzing._ Finally opening his eyes, he squinted until he found the source of the irritating noise and flipped the cell open without looking at it. Just as he did so, he caught a glimpse of the time, 5:30 am. His mind instantly making the conversion to New York time as 1:30 am, it entered his mind that a call at this hour could be one he didn’t want to ever get. He shot upright in bed as he gasped out, “this is Ran!’

‘Hey Angshel’ a slightly slurred, humming voice responded. ‘You ok Babe? Or jusht excited for me to call ya?’

‘Yohji’ Ran groaned as he fell back on the pillows. ‘What? Is everything ok? What’s going on?’

‘well, damn Ran, don’t sound all disappointed. Yeah, it’sh me. Nuttin’sh wrong. Why ya all upset?’ Ran heard the pout, the little boyness in the voice, ‘I - I thought ya’d be glad to hear from me... thought maybe... maybe ya mished me. Forget it, I’ll-‘

‘Yohji. Of course I am glad to hear from you. and I do miss you. I just... with it being so late, I was worried perhaps it was the hospital, that’s all.’ Ran soothed, rubbing a hand over his face to wake himself up. It was only little over an hour before he’d planned to wake anyway, may as well wake up fully. He stood from the bed and made his way to the hotel’s mirrored sink. He drew a glass of water as he went on. ‘are you sure you’re alright Yohji, it is rather late to call.’

‘oh shit, I guess ish – it’s a little too early for you, huh?’ Yohji sighed, ‘I planned to call you more close the time you’d be getting up. I guess I washn’t paying attention.... mished you, so much,’ he whispered, ‘guess I...got tired of waiting. ‘m sorry. Just how early is it Babe? I’m sho - sorry...’ he whispered again and trailed off, the slur again a bit noticeable as he mumbled.

‘Yohji. It’s fine. It’s almost six, and my alarm was going off at 6:30 or so anyway. An hour of lost sleep is definitely worth it to get to talk to you for a while. You’ve made my morning Nissho, and I can carry your sunlight with me all day, especially since there _is no sun_ here.’ Ran chuckled. ‘Really Yohji. It’s fine. Are _you_ ok. You sound..... tipsy, maybe.... upset. Have you been out drinking? Did something happen?’

‘No... un-uh, nothing _happened_ I, jush, just.... mish... miss ya Angel. I do mish ya, a lot....’ Yohji’s voice was low, almost sad, quiet.

‘Nissho. Yohji’ Ran spoke warmly, letting as much emotion as he could flow into his voice. ‘I miss you too, terribly. I so wish you could be here, to help keep me awake at these stuffy ceremony dinners as much as anything.’ Ran groaned, just a bit, as he thought of the dinner last night. It would have been nice to have Yohji there to distract him from some of the formality, the stuffed shirts he had to deal with, with their pompous attitudes, their sneers hidden behind hands, courtesy Ran was sure, of Persia’s disdain coming through in his descriptions of ran to these people.... then, the other end of the spectrum, those Brits who found Ran’s coloring “exotic” and made their desires openly known. London certainly was more open than New York, he’d had to fend off more than one man, and a few women, last night too... they just didn’t seem to want to take “I’m with someone” as an answer. Yes, it would have been nice to have Yohji with him......

‘yeah’ Yohji breathed, ‘those ritzy dinners huh?.... Angel, you.... shure ya... ya mishin me?’ Yohji huffed an exaggerated breath, ‘don’t let nun of thosh fuckers toush – touch you Angel – you tell em, yous got _me’_ Yohji’s voice cracked a bit, but he went on determinedly, ‘Babe, I mish you, I wish we... we hadda had more _time_ Baby, more time to make you _mine_ afore ya went over there to those.... those people..... Ran’ Yohji’s voice dropped to an intense whisper, ‘Ran. _Don’t you forget me,_ while you’re there. Don’t let shome – some.... high class fucker ... mesh with you, ‘k? Promish Ran, please?’ by the end, the plea was almost childlike, soft, heartbroken....

‘Oh Yohji’ Ran whispered, “Yohji. I miss you too... I’m sorry, Nissho, that it had to be this way, that I had to leave for so long... right after.... but, Yohji, please don’t doubt me.... I miss you, I think of you constantly. I’m sorry.’ Ran closed his eyes, wishing so badly he could be there to hold Yohji with him like this. Normally, Yohji was the strong one, being there for Ran, holding him, strengthening him through all the stress, the worry. For Yohji to need Ran and him unable to be there.... it was torture.... torture of yet another kind that Ran would have to endure.

Maybe... maybe if Ran shared the ... other torture thoughts of Yohji brought, maybe that would... boost Yohji’s mood, to know how Ran thought of him, how hard it was to sleep this past week, for dreaming of Yohji’s touch. Determined to drive that tone of lost sadness from Yohji’s voice, Ran dropped his voice and breathed into the phone ‘Yohji’ Ran moaned, only slightly embarrassed as he let his thoughts wander to bring to mind the look on Yohji’s face when they’d been together that last morning, the taut muscles in Yohji’s neck as he’d thrown his head back while his orgasm rippled through his body and around Ran’s cock.... ‘Yohji’ Ran breathed, ‘I miss you Sensei’

Yohji’s gasp was loud in the phone as Ran closed his eyes and imagined..... ‘Angel’ Yohji breathed, ‘oh Ran.... I’m sho -so hard Ran, I miss you too, I need you Ran.’ the slur was less noticeable now, Yohji’s voice growing clearer, and his throaty moan was .... inspiring.

‘Yohji....’ Ran almost purred, ‘yes Yohji. I need you too. I _dream_ of you, Yohji... you fill my thoughts, I want to feel your touch Yohji, your kiss.... tell me Yohji. Talk to me, _touch me’_

‘Ran’ Yohji growled, ‘yes Ran... let me touch you, let me taste you’ Yohji’s breathing was louder, and his voice firmer now... he took a deep sigh, then spoke forcefully, ‘Lay back Ran, tell me – are you on the bed, are you undressed?’

‘yes Yohji,’ Ran purred as he switched his phone to the headset, ‘I’ve lain back down, I’m on the bed Yohji, and I’ve pulled off my boxers... I need to feel your touch Yohji, to touch you back. Feel me Yohji, running my hands through your hair.... tasting your ear... feel me Yohji, and touch me.’ Ran couldn’t help but run his hands over his chest and abs, but held back taking himself in hand, wanting Yohji’s direction to guide him to release, needing Yohji to be a part of it, ‘I’m hard Yohji, so hard, missing you.... tell me Yohji, touch me, _tell me what to do’_ Ran whispered.....

‘Ran...oh damn.’ Yohji groaned, ‘I wanna suck you babe, and damn I miss that tongue of yours... touch your cock Ran, squeeze it, close your eyes Angel and see me there, that’s me, pulling on you, sucking you... ungh, Ran, I can _feel_ your hot, tight mouth sucking me... ngh!’ Yohji was panting now. Ran could hear the rustling and knew Yohji was pumping his own hard length

‘yes Yohji’ Ran moaned, ‘oh Yohji’ he hissed as he wrapped his hand around his cock, the other dropping to cup his sac and gently fondle, ‘I feel you touching me Nissho,... you’re squeezing me, pulling, your fingers rolling my sac, pulling .... squeezing... Yohji, oh Yohji’ Ran was thrusting now, eager to cum, needing it. It had been so long... for one who’d gone for so long walled off from life, from any pleasure, now to spend so long away from Yohji, from his life giving sunshine, Ran _needed_ Yohji, in so many ways, needed his touch, his taste, his love....

‘Yohji!’ Ran called out, ‘Yohji, I’m .... I think I’m going to...’

‘yes Ran! yes, cum for me Angel, cum for me, call me, Ran’ Yohji almost sobbed, ‘mine Ran, be mine, cum for _me_ , only me.... Ran!’ Yohji growled, ‘yes Ran! I am now babe, Angel, I’m fucking your mouth, your tongue swirling.... twisting, suck me Ran, unngh! Ran.. Ran I... I’m gonna cum Ran, cum with me ... ah –R..Ran... fuck!’ and Ran knew, could almost feel it, that Yohji’d cum and that vision, coupled with the obvious desire, the pleasure Yohji voiced as he described his fantasy, pushed Ran over his own edge, ‘Yohji! Yes... yes Yohji! Taste me, feel me, yours Yohji, I am yours, this is yours, take it.’ Ran growled as he throbbed, pulsed, hot life pulled from inside him to spill out over the sheets, over his thigh and belly... his strokes slowed, vice like grip eased, and his breathing slowed... ‘Yohji’ he whispered, ‘you there?’

‘yeah Angel’ Yohji chuckled, ‘I’m here.... I’m... sorry Ran, that I unloaded on ya, I just... fuck I miss you.’ he sighed, ‘I admit it Angel, I ... worry, with you there, I want you home....with me.’

‘I want to come home too Yohji.’ Ran answered softly. ‘soon, only 5 more days Nissho... not too bad.’ Ran sighed, ‘Yohji, I’m sorry, i... I need to clean up, to get ready for my breakfast meeting, I...’

‘It’s ok, Angel. Really.’ Yohji made an odd noise, kind of a moan, squeak.... ‘ah, that was a nice stretch .... look, I should crash anyway... call me Babe, when you get back to your room tonight, I’ll tell ya about my last poem with Aya and about tonight’s gig, remind me to tell ya about the chick with the freakin orange hair.....’ Yohji cut off with a yawn, ‘I’ll dream of you Ran. You’ll call me, tomorrow night? Tonight, I mean, for you? Promise?’

That lost boy voice was back as Yohji’s post orgasm sleep crept up on him, Ran could hear him curling up into the blanket, his breathing evening out, ‘I promise Yohji’ Ran whispered, ‘thank you, for watching over Aya, for loving me.... sleep Nissho, sleep and dream of me...’ Ran listened a few moments longer, until certain Yohji was sleeping before disconnecting the cell. With a sigh he climbed from the bed and made his way to the shower. Five more days of endless meetings, repeated explanations, and discussions over various positions... Five more days before he could go _home._ He stepped into the steaming shower and once again congratulated himself for bringing Yohji’s shampoo with him – that earthy citrus scent surrounding him, giving him a dose of sunshine, he fortified himself for another day here....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran browsed the shops at Heathrow, quietly fuming. Stupid fog. Delaying his flight. Now he would be late, wouldn’t get home before Yohji’s concert Saturday night.... maybe not even until Sunday morning. Two damned weeks, and now a fucking fog delay. Fucking London. Ran heaved a deep, irritated sigh and forced himself to calm. Ah well, at least they’d have the rest of Sunday, and he’d already called the office to take off Monday too. With the flight delay and the jet lag and trying to switch back to New York time, depending on when he got in Sunday there was no way he was gonna be ready to go back on Monday. Besides, dammit, he’d missed two – whole – weeks with Yohji, not to mention not seeing Aya.... another deep breath. He was getting angry again. He forced his thoughts to something else.

The deep breath had been full of the mouthwatering aroma of the pasties that were sold all over London. He’d told Yohji about them and was eager to try out a few recipes. With Yohji’s penchant for burritos he was sure to like these flavorful treats with the flaky crusts, and there were so many variations..... the aroma of a hot fruit pastie made Ran’s mouth water for a moment, peach it smelled like. Yes, he definitely wanted to try some of these on his own. Imagining Yohji’s appreciation for the syrupy sauce from the strawberry pastie Ran had enjoyed for breakfast caused a warmth in his groin.... Yohji could do incredible things with strawberry sauce..... Damn. It had just been too long away.

As Ran growled and shook his head, a gleam off to his left caught his eye. There. Up ahead, a jewelers’ shop. The lighting was set for the best effect and the sparkle of the rings on display caused rainbows to twirl about the mirrored case. Ran made his way over, a niggling voice in the back of his head urging him on.

He’d been looking for a souvenir for Yohji this whole trip. Something special, something more than the designer shades he had in his carry on. Truthfully, he’d been toying with an idea for considerably longer. An idea that had almost been eradicated the night of the masque, but which had only grown in strength after the hours that followed.

At first, when the idea had blossomed, Ran had quelched it immediately, not about to consider any such thoughts with Persia hovering over his life.... with his... insinuations when he’d confronted Ran about Yohji. But, since then, Persia largely ignored Ran’s choice. No further references had been made to Yohji or their relationship beyond that first blustering threat. It was like Yohji didn’t exist. Perhaps Ran’s defiance had finally made an impression. They’d been careful, to draw no attention to their ...... friendship. There had been no hints of scandal, no media attention, no interference with Ran’s work. Yohji just fit into his life, like he’d been there, all along. If anything, his insight into music minds had helped Ran with his work. He’d been more productive, and more ..... maybe not sociable, but.... approachable, since Yohji, making interaction with clients and prospects easier.

Persia must have figured out it was no harm to Krittiker for him to be with Yohji, in fact it was a benefit. Ran was just happy Persia had lost interest. Life now was..... calm, normal. Well, relatively normal anyway. Aya was still sleeping, but her condition was stable. Persia’s venom seemed.... neutralized – he was generally just apathetic now, didn’t care what Ran was about one way or the other. It was nice, the lack of attention.

Ran had truly feared for Yohji, and his own heart, at first. Afraid to let himself fall for Yohji, fearful of what Persia would do. But, now.... it seemed Persia was content to ignore Ran as long as this didn’t taint Krittiker in some way, as long as he didn’t have to hear about it, or see it. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. Perhaps he’d finally realized Ran was an adult. He still held some control over Ran’s life, with his custody over Aya, but seemed to focus on his uses for Ran with Krittiker and finally to not care either way about Ran’s personal life.

This was good. Ran knew with a soul binding certainty that he loved Yohji. There would never be anyone else for him. He’d finally admitted it fully to himself and, given Persia’s waning interest, Ran finally felt ... confident, almost. Maybe his life was finally going to be.... normal. Ran was ready to consider..... more, now that Persia had finally given up controlling everything about him. Now that he could be his own man. He was ready. He wanted nothing more than to confess this love to Yohji while wrapped in those strong arms... to commit to, and ask for.... forever.

Given Yohji’s worries from his early morning call a few days ago, the idea Ran toyed with had gained new strength....Yohji said he loved Ran and Ran had grown to believe it. Even if he hadn’t felt it, in Yohji’s touch, seen it, in the way he treated Ran, Yohji’s growing fears and worries over losing Ran to another made it oh so obvious.

Despite the relatively short amount of time they’d been together, Yohji seemed to love him just as deeply as he felt, and the more Ran considered it, the more the idea grew until Ran found himself walking determinedly into the shop. He could at least look around, he didn’t have to buy a ring yet but, he could get some ideas.... and ring or not, he wanted something special to take home.

Ran browsed the main display cases, many gaudy or unsuitable pieces immediately dismissed. Then, he saw a smaller display in the back of the area. These appeared to all be men’s rings of various designs, and not just standard gold but the tri-color gold.

There in the corner of the case was a rack of men’s rings of various designs. The one in the back looked to be made of interwoven strands of the different metals; the rich, deep red gold; warm, shining yellow gold, and what looked to be platinum maybe. Woven together like strands of wire, coming to the center to enmesh an amethyst of a pure, deep hue, bracketed on either side by small diamonds. Beautiful, perfect. Ran was transfixed. He had to have it. It was almost like an omen it was so perfect.

He realized a clerk was speaking to him, ‘I’m sorry. What?’ he looked up and the woman smiled. ‘Would you like to see that rack sir?’ she asked.

‘Oh, yes, please. Actually, just that one.’ Ran indicated the band. The inside of the band had been smoothed with a layer of gold. ‘How much for this ring?’ Ran asked as he tried it on.

His middle finger was of a size for Yohji’s ring finger, he knew. He’d tried on Yohji’s class ring that he wore on occasion. Usually, Yohji wore that ring on his right hand, but he’d jokingly out it on his ring finger once, so Ran knew it fit, although a little loosely. This was a perfect fit for Ran’s second finger, it would be ideal for Yohji. Yet another sign that he was meant to have this ring.

What were the odds of finding such a perfect, unique, ring in exactly the size?... Ran would have this ring, right now.

The woman quoted a price, Ran didn’t realy hear her. It didn’t matter anyway, the cost was irrelevant. He looked up, ‘does that include engraving?’ he asked. He had an idea to make this wholly Yohji’s ring.

She blinked a moment at the intense violet gaze and into the pause another clerk responded. ‘generally sir, no, it would not. However, if paid in full immediately then yes, engraving would be included.’ Taking in the Armani suit Ran wore, the expensive watch, the gold tie clasp, the clerk knew this man would be one who’d expect to pay and walk out with the purchase immediately. ‘ the engraving can be completed while you wait.’

Ran blinked, he hadn’t even considered walking out without the ring. His flight could be called any time to board. He explained the situation to the male clerk, handed over his Visa card, and was given a pad to write out the inscription. Ran thought a moment and wrote carefully his thought. He returned the ring and pad to the man and watched as the girl prepared a gift box and bag.

Ran’s eye was caught by a display of bracelets in the tri-gold case while he waited. One looked almost a match for the ring. Again woven of strands of the metals, the strands at closer look also woven from yet smaller strands, twisted together. ‘I’ll take that bracelet as well.’ Ran informed them, ‘wrap it separately please.’ He watched as the bracelet was packaged as well, then signed the slip for the purchase. The engraver completed his work and Ran tilted the ring to view the inscription: /// Nissho, your light warms my soul. Forever, Ran ///

‘Thank you.’ Ran returned the ring for wrapping and returned his card to his wallet. He took the two small bags and left the store, smiling. Happy in a way he hadn’t been since he’d left for the airport that morning two weeks ago. He and Yohji would have Sunday and Monday together before he had to report to the office, and the coming weekend was a down weekend for WEISS. Both Jei and Omi insisted that they take some downtime now and then to recharge, rest, do maintenance on equipment and the like. Even bands on tour took a few days now and then, Omi insisted, and Ran was very glad it was this weekend coming. After two weeks away, a weekend alone with Yohji would be Heaven…..

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Yohji paced the airport, cursing the regulations prohibiting him from waiting at the gate. He could remember as a boy waiting right there at the gate when his mom got off a plane. Able to watch her coming down the long tube, and able run to her arms as she exited the walkway. Now, he was reduced to waiting at the end of the excessively long hallway leading to the various gates, trying to catch a glimpse of that beautiful red hair…. There! Was that?.... no, a stupid hat.

Damn. The board showed Ran’s flight had landed almost twenty minutes ago. What the hell? Yohji fidgeted, wishing for a cigarette to help calm his nerves, to take the edge off his Ran craving. Ran had been gone two - whole – weeks, dammit. Then, he was due to be home yesterday evening, but no – freaking London had to be beset by a fog bank from hell, and he’d spent the night in Heathrow airport.

Thankfully the fog had finally lifted and Ran had texted last night while Yohji was at the show that he was boarding and would see Yohji in the morning. He didn’t expect Yohji to be waiting here at such an early hour on a Sunday morning after a late night show, but Yohji couldn’t imagine _not_ being here. Now, if only Ran would come down the damn hallway…. Wait – there! There he was…

Aww, poor baby. Angel looked so, so tired. He must have had a rough flight, and that after spending hours waiting. His head was down and he was almost dragging.

Yohji smiled a small smile. Ran didn’t expect him to be here. With the time difference what had been 2:00 am for Ran had been 9:00 pm for Yohji, right in the middle of the show. Now it was 5:30 am. (11:30 for Ran’s poor body clock right now – the poor thing had to be exhausted) Ran would never expect Yohji to be waiting at 5:30 in the morning. Surely he’d be at home, sleeping, waiting to see Ran later in the morning. In fact, Yohji knew Ran hadn’t expected it, the text had been: _just to let you know, we’re finally boarding. FYI, I will get in around 5 or so. Come by later after you wake._

Yohji couldn’t wait. No way was he gonna let Ran come home and take a cab. It had been much too long without his Angel. He’d seen the text on his break between sets and had told the guys, As soon as the gig wrapped up Yohji’d skipped the after party and gone home. He showered, checked the airport website for the flight’s estimated arrival and crashed for a few hours. He’d been here for an hour now, waiting, as the arrival time had been approximate and the flight had encountered some turbulence, delaying things further….

Finally they’d landed and he’d been reduced to pacing, waiting for that vision to come closer. Now, here he was, stumbling up the hallway, dead on his feet, with no clue Yohji waited at the end of the way. Yohji watched, wishing with all he was he could run to Ran and take him in his arms. He stepped out into the center of the walkway and watched as Ran raised his head to navigate the roped area preventing anyone from running down there. He smiled warmly as Ran noticed him and blinked, stopping a moment. Ran’s eyes widened and a smile blossomed over his face, transforming the look of exhaustion to one of pleasant surprise. Damn, he was beautiful, even with dark circles under his eyes, hair all mussed, clothes all wrinkled. And he was Yohji’s, all Yohji’s.

‘Yohji’ Ran breathed as he finally crossed the roped area. He stepped forward, entwined in Yohji’s arms for a brief embrace, leaning in without being obvious. ‘I missed you Nissho’ he breathed into Yohji’s neck before stepping back.

‘Yeah Angel. I missed you too. A lot.’ He leaned his head onto Ran’s for a moment, then threw his arm around Ran’s shoulders. ‘c’mon Babe. Let’s get your stuff and get you home.’

On the lower level Yohji steered Ran to a bench near the baggage claim and grabbed one of those wheeled carts. He knew Ran’s luggage set, the tan and black trimmed leather bags standing out among the duffles and totes. Verifying that he had everything he loaded the cart and lead Ran toward the parking tower.

He had Ran settle in the car while he loaded the bags, and then, finally, he was sitting next to him. He allowed himself to pull Ran into his arms again for an awkward but so needed embrace, then treated himself to a deep, slow, languid kiss that ended in a throaty moan before he force himself to start the car.

‘sit back Babe. Close your eyes. We’ll be home in a jiff.’ Yohji steered through the parking garage and out onto the freeway.

Ran dozed lightly almost immediately, obviously done in. By the time they pulled into the parking at the Towers, he was asleep. Yohji carefully parked near the entrance in a spot shaded from the risen morning sun. He angled his car such that the brightening sunlight would not disturb a sleeping Ran as he unloaded the bags and carefully exited the driver’s side. Taking an armload of bags he quickly made his way to the door guard. ‘hey’ he said quietly, ‘keep an eye on these for a bit, huh?’ he sat the bags near the elevator and returned to the car. He grabbed the last bag, threw Ran’s carryon over his shoulder and knelt down at the now open passenger door. Ran was beginning to stir, but to think, he’d trusted Yohji so fully, to be able to sleep in such a situation, knowing Yohji would take care of him, keep him safe... even after the car was parked and Yohji unloaded bags... damn he looked so tired, so vulnerable.

Ran slowly opened his eyes, confusion plain, as he looked toward the empty driver’s seat, ‘Yohji?’ he croaked, cleared his throat and tried again. ‘Yohj?’ he turned his head toward the door as Yohji answered, ‘I’m here babe. It’s ok.’

Ran’s eyes widened as he sat upright, ‘oh Yohji. I’m sorry.’ He gasped, rubbing his eyes and Yohji chuckled at how adorable he looked, ‘I’m not’ Yohji answered. ‘you were obviously exhausted, I’m glad you could get a bit of rest. Come on, let’s get you inside and out from under the security’s scrutiny before I lose it and kiss you senseless right here in the parking lot.’

‘we’re home?’ Ran asked around a yawn, and at Yohji’s quick nod let out a fervent, _‘finally’_ Yohji smiled, held out a hand, and stood, pulling lightly to direct Ran to stand. Ran blinked, still a bit out of it, but tightened his hold on that hand and brought himself upright. He let Yohji steady him as they made their way inside, stumbling just a bit as his legs balked at his demand that they carry him yet further.

Yohji was immensely proud of himself at not dragging Ran into his arms at that stumble, not to mention quelling the desire to just lean down and damn well pick Ran up altogether. He did squeeze Ran’s arm a bit as he steadied him, catching Ran’s small smile at the gesture.

‘Just a bit more Ran, almost home.’ Yohji murmured as he directed Ran into the elevator and leaned him against the wall while he grabbed the stacked bags and brought them on board too.

‘Yohji, Mr. Fujimiya, would you like some assistance with the bags?’ the door guard asked as Yohji grabbed the last two. ‘Nah John, I got it.’ Yohji answered just as he entered the elevator. ‘thanks though. Say, Ran just got in from an international flight, jet lag after a hellish layover, can you make sure he’s not disturbed before evening? No deliveries or calls or anything, you know, that thing you do with the phone? I’m gonna feed him something, then get him to crash while I unload his stuff. I’ll be in and out a bit, but I got the key. Don’t buzz the apartment, OK John?’ Yohji grinned as he pressed the floor button and readied to close the elevator doors.

‘Sure thing Yohji’ John answered, ‘not a problem. Hope you get some rest Mr. Fujimiya.’ John nodded as the door closed and they were alone. Ran remained leaning against the wall, almost dozing, for the short ride. He roused enough to hold the door button for the while it took Yohji to unload the bags to the hallway.

Yohji unlocked the apartment door and led Ran straight to the bath. ‘Strip’ he ordered as he began to run the tap in the sunken tub. ‘into the hot water with you, then bed.’ He adjusted the water a bit then glanced back at a blinking Ran. ‘seriously. Get in the tub while I bring all the bags in and set up the bed. Relax a bit and I’ll be right back.’ He gave Ran a light kiss, helped him into the tub to sit down and went out to bring everything inside. He returned a few minutes later to find the water still running, but thankfully not overflowed, and Ran’s head cradled on his arm on the edge of the tub.

‘hey Babe.’ Yohji said softly. Ran stirred, raising his head. ‘Yohji.’ He breathed. ‘mmm. I dreamed of this on that damn plane. Especially that last hour. But... one thing was different.’

‘what’s that Angel?’ Yohji asked as he sat the towel on the counter and turned off the tap.

Ran sat up and smiled. A full, slow smile. Full of love as he gazed into Yohji’s widening eyes. ‘you were not unloading bags, or watching over me, you were holding me. Come here Nissho, I’ve missed you.’ Ran reached out, taking Yohji’s hand and kissing his palm.

Yohji undressed and stepped into the water. Sinking down behind Ran, he pulled Ran tight against his chest. Holding him tightly, he whispered against the back of Ran’s neck. ‘I missed you too Ran. Glad you’re finally home.’

Ran leaned into the embrace, a low moan escaping as he answered, ‘It is ... good to be home. Tell me how things went while I was away. How’s Aya?’

‘she’s fine.... same. I went every other day, read a few poems. That was a silly book you gave me Ran.’ he chuckled, then sobered. ‘sorry, about the other night, Ran. there was a couple, at the gig that night, made me think of us.... and I just ... got scared, worried about you, over there... with those.... anyway. I am very glad you’re here, in my arms.’

They relaxed together for a few moments before Ran stirred, turning in Yohji’s embrace to straddle him. Wrapping his arms around Yohji’s neck, Ran leaned in. he kissed the side of Yohji’s neck, just behind his ear, then down, tracing along Yohji’s jawline, rasping his tongue over the mild stubble there, then up to nip at Yohji’s lips, gently.

He was only a little surprised when Yohji lunged upward to claim Ran’s mouth in a hard, desperate, passionate kiss. Ran moaned with need. This, this was what he’d been waiting for, what he’d longed for. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, pulling back to arch back in Yohji’s arms, fingers entwined in Yohji’s hair, ‘yes Yohji’ he hissed. ‘touch me, kiss me. I missed your touch Nissho, I thought of you, so much, while I was away. It has been too long Yohji.’ Ran moaned again as Yohji sucked on the side of his neck, one hand dropping down to softly fondle him, edging around his growing need, but not touching.... ‘Yohji..... Yohji.’

‘I need you Yohji, please’ Ran rasped, his groin tightening, almost painfully hard in an instant, ‘I do. I love you, I admit it. Two weeks without you, i..... can’t believe.... how much, how _much_ I need you....’ Ran was panting lightly now, he leaned forward to rest his head on Yohji’s shoulder as he shuddered, ‘I shouldn’t need you, this much’ he whispered, so quietly Yohji almost didn’t hear it over his own rough breathing.

Almost. But, he did hear it, and made sure to respond. ‘I need you too Angel. I’ve fallen, hard, deep, completely. You own me Ran. In a way that I am sure isn’t healthy. These two weeks almost killed me. It’s pathetic to be so wrapped up in one other person like this, but I ... I can’t help it.’ He’d stopped stroking Ran’s cock now, and just held him tightly, rocking gently against Ran’s body, wanting..... needing.... ‘I need you Angel. I was scared, while you were away. I know Ran, how.... how much better you can do, than me. I know all too well where I don’t measure up. But,’ and he lifted Ran’s head, hands on both sides of his face. ‘No one. And I mean, no one, can love you like I do. I love you. all of you, and will do whatever it takes to make sure you know it. Don’t’ .... outgrow me Ran, don’t .... stop, needing me..... loving me. Let me love you, the way only I can.’ He kissed Ran then, a deep, exploring kiss, growing more insistent, until he eased back and smiled. ‘come on Babe. Let’s get out before the water’s cold. Let me relax those tired, cramped muscles for you.’ Yohji smirked now, and eased Ran out of his lap.

He stood, pulling Ran up with him, and wrapped Ran in one of the towels. ‘Go on babe. I’ll be right there.’ Yohji stepped toward the kitchen and Ran turned to the bedroom. As he entered, he reached down and grabbed his travel bag near the door.

As he leaned over to drop it next to the bed, he felt a slap against his ass. Turning, Ran's indignant glare was cut off by Yohji's smiling mouth. Ran relaxed against him and returned the kiss eagerly, his body trembling a little with nervous excitement.

Yohji took it slow, kissing Ran thoroughly before letting his hands wander. He traced Ran's spine with his fingertips, skimming them up and down over the soft skin before sliding lower. Ran was likewise touching him, exploring his neck, shoulders and back. He tensed briefly as Yohji's hands slid over the firm mounds of his slightly stinging bottom, but he relaxed after a moment and didn't protest as Yohji kneaded and fondled.

Yohji deepened his kiss and his breath quickened. He swore he'd never felt such a fine ass before in his life. He thought he could die a happy man if he could spend his last moments squeezing Ran and he chuckled into Ran's mouth at his own thoughts.

 ‘It's not funny,’ Ran mumbled indignantly.

Yohji pulled his mouth away and kissed Ran's cheeks and eyelids. ‘No,’ he agreed softly, ‘but it's mine, and I felt like .... marking it, just a bit. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. Do you know how much I've thought about this ass since you left. I craved you Ran. Your hot mouth, your hard cock, your _tongue_.... ’

 ‘I ... can imagine,’ Ran chuckled, his face heating. He shoved his hands under Yohji’s robe, pushing the material back to drag his palms over the tight knots of muscle on his stomach and chest. ‘I can't say things the way you do, Yohji...’

Yohji purred, kissing the soft, pliant lips close to his. ‘Believe me, the sounds you make are ten times hotter than any cheesy lines I can come up with.’

Ran huffed with laughter, his breath tickling the blonde’s cheek. ‘I like your cheesy lines, even though they embarrass me, sometimes....’ he blushed, just lightly.

Yohji was already aware of that fact and he grinned. Ran might blush like a schoolgirl sometimes, but his body language and reactions told a completely different tale when it came down to business. He kissed Ran again and murmured with arousal as he helped to lay him back, warm hands relearning Ran’s body.

‘Mmm, feels good,’ Ran whispered when Ran Yohji teased and stroked his nipples to hardness. He sucked in a sharp breath when Yohji lowered his head and took one of them into his mouth. ‘Good.... Yohji

Yohji's response was to flick his tongue back and forth over the taut bud and Ran groaned softly with pleasure, squeezing Yohji’s shoulder. His thinking abilities deserted him as his lover moved to the other nipple and gave it the same treatment.

Yohji gasped as one of Ran's hands cupped and massaged the bulge between his legs, rubbing through the fabric of the robe and making him want to flip Ran onto his back and pound into him until he couldn't walk anymore. He'd never felt so wanted, or wanted anyone so much.....

 

‘Ran…Ran,’ Yohji panted mindlessly, flexing his hips as Ran rubbed his straining erection. ‘Oh Angel…wait…I'm gonna lose it if you don't stop.’

Ran paused his massage and looked into the hazed emerald eyes. His expression was open and inviting. ‘I want you to cum inside me, Yohji, hot..... deep inside. I'll quit for now.’

Aloud, Yohji gasped, ‘You lied Babe, when you said you aren't good with words.... Wait, give me a minute…I almost lost it, just now.’

‘Really?’ responded Ran with a ridiculously innocent smile.

Yohji rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, you little .....! How Ran, how can you be so freakin' sexy and still be so…so…innocent, how?’

‘Sexy huh?’ Ran said shyly, but then he licked Yohji's chin and contradicted the innocent routine.

Yohji rolled onto him and growled, ‘If there was a male version of a shy but slutty schoolgirl, you'd fit the bill’ He kissed him hard, his arousal at such a painful state that he could feel the ooze of precum dampening inside the robe. He panted as he reached with one hand and began to fumble the robe off.

Ran immediately reached to help, and when Yohji felt Ran's hands trembling against his, he gentled his kiss and murmured softly. They’d only had the one night of full lovemaking before this two week separation.... Determined not to rush it and risk accidentally hurting Ran, Yohji tempered himself and fought to keep his passion controlled. He moaned softly as the robe’s tie came undone and Ran pulled it back off his shoulers before gently stroking him again.

‘Seriously, I can't take much more of that,’ Yohji warned in a breathless whisper as he grasped his lover’s fondling hand to still it.

Ran stopped, biting his lip. ‘Sorry, I forgot,’ he murmured. 

 _~Somehow I don't think that's true,~_ Yohji thought as he stared down at Ran.

Ran knew more than he let on—he was good at reading people and there was little doubt that he was getting a thrill out of keeping Yohji on the very edge of control. Rather than press, Yohji dropped the robe off the edge of the bed and rolled to press himself against Ran shoulders to knees. He felt an absurd urge to sob with relief when his swollen cock pressed tightly against Ran’s own. He'd heard of men claiming ‘blue balls’ as an excuse to get into someone’s pants before but until now, he'd always thought it was just a dramatized version of being plain old horny. Yohji actually almost looked down at his genitals to see if his balls had turned blue. Two fucking _weeks....._

He shrugged away the brief curiosity, knowing that logically his balls couldn't literally turn blue with arousal. He resumed exploring Ran’s body, listening to Ran's soft sighs and moans and coming close to losing it several times. He rolled to the side, reached down and eagerly grasped Ran’s stiff sex, enjoying as Ran arched back with a cry, ‘Yohji’.

He could have used his hand, loving the feel of Ran in his palm, he was tempted to stay like this, feeling Ran’s heavy hardness in his hand, kissing him , stroking him until he reached orgasm, but he had a better idea. He milked Ran's straining erection until he had the smaller man groaning and pleading with him, and he purposely stopped just before his ministrations would have made him cum.

‘Yohji!’ Ran gasped as the sensations stopped.

‘Just wait Angel, I promise, I’ll make it worth it. I want you to cum with meinside of you,’ Yohji, panting himself, said with smile.

‘Yes Yohji, hurry’ Ran gasped, but he was grinning up at him.

‘I have to Babe, or I won’t last myself. You’ve got me ready to burst,’ Yohji agreed with a nod, making Ran laugh and blush at the same time. He kissed his love's flushed cheeks, then his lips. After a few moments of kissing, he pulled away and reached over to find the lube under the pillow he’d planted there before leaving for the airport.

Ran's amethyst eyes held deep, burning desire, tinted with just a hint of worry as Yohji lubed the fingers of his right hand. It _had_ been two weeks, and there hadn’t been the days of buildup foreplay to stretch Ran, but he kissed Ran and promised him softly that he'd take it slow. Ran relaxed a little and Yohji talked to him as he slipped his hand beneath the covers and searched with skilled hands.

‘Just lay back and relax,’ Yohji murmured as he pressed his slick index finger against the tight, puckered entrance he'd located. ‘You know I'd rather die myself than hurt you, right?’

Ran looked up at him with parted lips, his violet gaze soft and warm. ‘I know,’ he whispered. He spread his thighs and took a deep breath, keeping his eyes locked with Yohji's as the other man carefully pushed. He grimaced with discomfort as Yohji's finger pushed into him and he gasped softly as it breached the resisting entrance, trying so hard through the haze of desire to relax.

 

‘I know it's uncomfortable ,it’s been a while’ Yohji said tenderly, kissing Ran's gasping mouth. ‘But remember Babe, remember, it's going to get better. I…I love you, Ran.’

Ran looked at him with such warmth and love, such trust..... Yohji was overwhelmed with his need .... He smiled warmly down at Ran and pushed his finger the rest of the way in, holding it there for a moment to let him adjust, moaning himself as Ran did. The volet eyes closed briefly and Ran licked his lips and sighed. Yohji bent his head and kissed him again, unable to resist the sight. He'd seen some pretty amazing looking mouths before but Ran's was so .....

Ran gasped again as Yohji slowly withdrew his finger and repeated the thrusting motion slowly. He kissed him more deeply, sliding his tongue between Ran's lips to explore while he carefully began to rhythmically thrust in and out. The tight heat of Ran's body clenching around his finger left no doubt in his mind that Ran needed the extra prep, even wanting it as he did, his body had not been invaded since their first time and needed to be reminded. Yohji felt a flash of love and burning desire, quickly followed by a surge of gratefulness to be Ran’s first and only, that Ran was his. 

He'd never been particular with a lover's virginity status before but with Ran, it was like being given the most important gift on the planet. The thought of another man touching him this way made Yohji crazy. He was the possessive sort, and he knew that if anyone else ever tried to do this to Ran he'd go off the wall. He thought it made him an awful hypocrite, because he'd had plenty of lovers before , maybe had no right to be jealous, especially of non-existent lovers, but he was.... oh he was...

‘Oh no…I'm turning into one of THOSE guys,’ Yohji muttered against his companion's lips.

‘W-what?’ Ran panted, frowning with confusion.

‘Nothing, Angel, later. I'm just worrying. I'm not hurting you, am I?’ Yohji felt his face warming and he hoped it wasn't obvious.

‘No, it doesn't hurt,’ Ran answered in a breathy voice. He jumped a little when Yohji's finger brushed the gland inside of him. He stared up at Yohji, gasping, and jumped again when he repeated the action. ‘Oh! Oh…there, yes…Yohji…right…OH!’

Yohji grinned. ‘there Ran?’ he purred, fingering the gland once more. Ran trembled and nodded, putting his arms around him and squeezing reflexively. He would have loved to keep doing it but he hadn't been lying earlier when he said he wanted Ran to come when he was inside of him. Confident that he could find the right angle and rhythm to stimulate the area again when he was making love to him, Yohji stopped teasing the spot and cautiously added another finger. Ran's eyes flickered shut and he moaned, arching his throat. Yohji kissed his Adam's apple and worked his fingers slowly and gently, making the muscle relax and accept the penetration.

‘Fuck Ran, how did I manage to resist you before?’ Yohji groaned as he stared down at Ran's flushed, impassioned face. He used every ounce of restraint he possessed to keep from losing control and mounting his gasping lover without finishing preparing him. ‘Relax Ran, relax’ he soothed. He kept stroking within Ran and kissing him sensually until he felt he was stretched enough to take him. He then withdrew his fingers and raised himself up over Ran.

Ran watched him do it with heavy-lidded eyes. He reached out and petted Yohji's weeping erection as the blonde looked down at him. Yohji sucked in a sharp breath and held still, trying not to let the stimulation of his warm hand send him over the edge.

Ran seemed to sense how fine the line of control was getting and he stopped stroking and rolled onto his side, presenting his back to the other man. ‘Like this Yohji?’ he asked softly, craning his neck to look over his shoulder at the other man.

Yohji licked his lips, staring at the smooth roundness of the top of Ran's butt cheeks that were visible above the line of the sheets. ‘Oh yeah, that's perfect. Are you sure you're ready?’

‘Would I be laying this way if I weren't?’ Ran smirked over his shoulder. There was a hint of fear in his eyes but the passion in them was stronger.

‘I guess not,’ chuckled Yohji huskily. He spooned up against him and propped himself on one elbow, while grasping the base of his sex with the other. ‘It's probably going to hurt a little at first Babe. Promise, Ran, let me know if it's too much, okay?’

Ran nodded and Yohji positioned himself. He rocked forward slowly and kissed Ran's ear when he gasped. ‘Easy,’ he soothed, feeling his tight almost virgin entrance resist the intrusion. ‘Push out Babe, relax, then push.’ He pressed a bit more firmly and it gave. The head of his cock entered Ran's body and he shuddered with pleasure, releasing his shaft to put his arm around Ran and hold him tightly.

‘Ungh…Yohji,’ Ran groaned, tensing as the other man slowly drove into his body. He panted softly and Yohji's mouth brushed over his jaw and neck. He felt like Yohji's cock was going to impale him all the way through until it was sticking out of his mouth—it just kept going deeper and deeper. He’d forgotten this part, remembering only the passion later, the feeling. The blonde held him tight and kept pushing, whispering huskily to him all the while. ‘Oh Angel..... Ran.....,’ Ran whimpered, just a bit. Yohji froze. ‘No, Yohji don’t.... don’t stop.... I want you, fill me Yohji, please.’

‘yes Ran, oh yes’ Yohji panted and rocked lightly , deeper with each stroke. It finally stopped when Yohji's hips pressed against his ass, and Yohji stroked his belly and murmured soothingly to him.

‘I'm sorry, baby. Just try to relax and it'll start feeling better.’ Yohji was now showering Ran's neck and shoulder with kisses, his voice sweet and gentle. ‘I’ve gotta relax you all over again... Ran, fuck, you’re so.... so tight, so hot...’ he panted, waiting for Ran to adjust, ‘Ran.... love.....Ran.’

Yohji bit his lip and forced himself to stay still. He'd never felt so much pleasure breaching someone in his life. His pleasure unfortunately brought Ran pain and he felt guilty as he tried to sooth him. If it didn't get better for Ran soon, he'd withdraw. It wasn’t worth it if Ran couldn't enjoy it too. He could bring Ran pleasure in so many other ways. What had he been thinking, rushing it... he should have waited, no matter how much he’d wanted this... Just as he’d decided to find another way, he felt Ran's muscles slowly relax and stop clenching spasmodically around him and he hugged him tightly.

‘Oh Angel....Better?’ Yohji inquired softly.

‘Yeah,’ Ran gasped in response. ‘It…it doesn't hurt anymore. It feels…full, good. Move Yohji, make love to me’

Yohji nearly laughed he was so happy. Instead of giving into mirth, he slowly withdrew and thrust again, grunting with pleasure. Ran's sharp gasp of pleasure encouraged him and he began to rock against him slowly. Yohji trembled and rested his forehead against Ran's shoulder.

‘You feel sooo good,’ he groaned, kissing the shoulder blade. ‘I missed you Ran, I missed touching you, smelling you, kissing you....damn’

Ran couldn't have answered coherently if he tried. He stared at the wall with wide, glazed eyes and parted lips. Each thrust of Yohji's cock pressed against that _something_ inside of him that made him jerk with sensation. Ran gasped an exclamation, moaning Yohji’s name with each thrust, reveling in the shocks of pleasure, vision going white as Yohji's cock pushed into his body again and he nearly went cross-eyed. ‘Yohji!’ Ran gripped Yohji’s arm in front of his body tightly and thrust back against Yohji, then, Yohji reached down, taking Ran’s shaft into his other hand.

‘Oooh…Yohji…you're.... again…harder....there... Yohji, yes’ Ran panted, sweating now, torn between thrusting into Yohji’s tight fist, and pressing back to drive Yohji _deeper_.

‘Oh, Ran,’ Yohji groaned. He began to thrust harder and faster. His arm was like a vice around Ran's waist and his hand around Ran’s cock. Ran felt his thigh muscles jump involuntarily with each spark of sensation. He heard Yohji growl in his ear and felt his teeth nibble the lobe.

Calling out breathlessly, Ran began to instinctively rock. He moved against Yohji's pumping hips to increase the penetration and he squeezed the arm that was around his waist. He called out Yohji’s name in a breathless voice, his cock twitching with pleasure. Yohji's hand stroked him hard and fast.

‘Oh fuck…OH FUCK…Yohji…YOHJI! Wait…s-stop, it's…it's, I’m.... I ’ Ran didn't even know what he was saying anymore and Yohji was pumping his hips hard and fast. He felt the blonde’s mouth against his shoulder, warm and wet. Kissing him, over and over. 

‘Yeah, baby…Yes, ah!’ Yohji howled as he felt Ran’s cock swell and throb in his hand. As Ran called out with a deep, throaty moan, ‘Yohji’ He thrust home once more, hard and deep, groaning as Ran's ass clenched rhythmically around his cock, milking him. ‘Ran.... Ran....ngh!’ Yohji’s whole body tightened, every muscle rigid with the force of his release as he came.

He came to, trembling, to the sound of Ran’s voice, murmuring over and over, ‘yours Yohji, love you, missed you’ as he stroked Yohji’s arm with one hand, and patted Yohji’s hair with the other. Yohji took a shuddering breath and kissed Ran’s jaw as he gently pulled out. He grabbed a wetnap from the canister he’d planted on the bedside table and gently cleaned Ran as he rolled him over. Satisfied for now, he pulled Ran against him and trailed his fingers through that soft, silky red hair. ‘you’re amazing Ran, so...so perfect.’

He took in Ran’s boneless state, his half closed eyes, and smiled, ‘sleep Angel, rest... I love you, I’ll be here when you wake. Let me hold you. ‘

‘no Yohji, wait’ Ran roused, missing the small quick frown Yohji made, ‘wait, before... before I go to sleep, I ... have something for you.’ he reached over Yohji, grasping for his carry on bag. He fumbled for a bit, finally finding the case and the jeweler’s bag.

He sat back up, smiling softly and Yohji melted, ‘presents Ran? it coulda waited hun, you’re exhausted.’ He caressed Ran’s cheek softly, leaning in for a small kiss.

‘yes, it could have, but... I wanted to ... I’ve been waiting, to give you this...here.’ first he held out the case.

Yohji’s eyes widened at the embossed Gucci emblem on the case. He opened the latch and gasped as he took in the sleek black shades. ‘Ran. these are expensive, too much... Angel.’ He reverently removed the shades from the case, deftly easing them on with a practiced move. He grinned, ‘well, how do I look?’

‘sexy’ Ran answered, ‘I knew they’d look amazing on you. I saw you, eyeing that display last month at the expo.’ He smiled, reaching up to tilt them down so he could see Yohji’s eyes. ‘they suit you, Nissho. Very sexy.’

He leaned in and kissed Yohji quickly, then dropped his eyes. ‘I..... I have one more, gift Yohji. I was going to wait, to give this to you, wait for the right time..., the right....setting, but. This. This is right, with your touch still felt on me, _in_ me.’ He raised his eyes to Yohji’s. ‘I love you Yohji. More than I should, but....i cannot imagine, being without you. you have become... part of me. I... I know, it’s too soon, but I ... can’t wait, don’t _want_ to wait.’ He took a deep breath, closed his eyes. ‘Yohji, I want to....i want to ask you, to stay. Stay with me Yohji, be mine.....’ he trailed off, swallowing. He looked back up, ‘wear my ring Yohji, please’ he held out the case, opening it to show the ring nestled in the black velvet.

Yohji traced a finger over the ring and looked up at Ran. ‘I’ve told you, Ran, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.’ Yohji looked at him intently, ‘Ran , ‘I promise you, as long as you want me-.’

‘but,....’ Ran cut him off, then hesitated, ‘what.... what if I want.... too much Yohji’ Ran whispered, looking at Yohji’s chest. ‘what if... what if I want.... forever?’ by the end he was so quiet Yohji could barely make it out, but he was watching, listening so closely he did hear it, every word. His breath caught for a moment before he could answer and in the time it took he felt Ran tensing again. ‘I’m sorry Yohji.... I ... it’s too soon, I know-‘

 

Yohji reached forward, removing the ring from its box, tilting his head, looking at it, thenback to Ran. ‘No Ran.’ Yohji cut him off solemly and he felt Ran..... crumple. ‘oh-‘ Yohji cut Ran off before Ran could make another sound, pulling Ran in forcefully to claim Ran’s mouth,laying them back down onto the bed, holding him close, wrapping arms and legs around Ran so he was completely entwined with Yohji. He kissed Ran soundly, deeply, passionately. When both men had started to pant, Yohji pulled back. ‘ you didn’t let me finish. No Ran, it is not too soon, No Ran it is not too much. **_Yes Ran,_** I want forever too.’ He eased the ring onto his finger, a perfect fit. ‘Forever Ran. I’m yours, you’re mine... always.’ He kissed Ran again, his mouth, his shining eyes, his forehead. ‘Sleep Angel, rest. Let me get my fill of you in my arms. We’ll talk more when you wake. I love you Ran.’

 

‘I love you too, Nissho,’ Ran yawned and snuggled into Yohji, letting his heartbeat lull him to sleep............

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 8 **

****

** Arrangement **

The months that followed after Yohji said yes were possibly the happiest of Ran’s life. Even with Aya still sleeping, even with Persia’s issues….Ran was truly happy. Happy in a way he’d never been. In a way he’d never imagined he could be.

The first event following Yohji’s acceptance was Thanksgiving. A holiday that had been less than pleasant since Ayahs injury. Cold, lonely, quiet. Not this one. Surrounded by Yohji and WEISS, a loud, boisterous, yelling, excited fandom as they watched hours of football. The friendly rivalry of Yohji’s and Jails Giants vs Schuldig's and Omi's Jets put aside for mutual mourning as those Jets were demolished by the universally hated Cowboys…. Ken being the only happy football fan that day as his beloved Colts won the day.

Jei's and Schuldig's combined incredible skills at cooking had fascinated Ran. He spent an extremely pleasant afternoon after the two of them had fled the living room, in too much pain to endure the beating being handed down on the big screen. Exchanging cooking tips and learning more of Yohji’s preferences, sharing recipes he’d brought back from London, excited to share a pastime that he truly enjoyed with other men who understood that of which he spoke, and who responded with no sneer evident, no derision, but honest interest and enjoyment. Surrounded by warmth, regard, love as Yohji too fled to the kitchen to beg for comfort food after being so thoroughly depressed by the game, begging for scraps and tasting every dish…. Yes, Ran was very thankful that Thanksgiving, in a way he never had been before….

Then, of course, Christmas. Christmas. A holiday that even before Aya's injury, had been a dark time for Ran. Following his mother’s death, Christmas had never been a period of joy. Only surly, put upon, irritation from Persia as he was forced to keep up appearances for the public. Presenting gifts to children Aya and Ran at “company parties” only to reclaim them later, sneering that they knew their place and what behavior was expected of them. How toys and such were a complete waste of time and money, how lucky they were they had a home and food, etc. etc…. Persia’s anger at the requirement of giving the help the day off, distaste for holiday music or décor…. The list went on. Ran had hated Christmas after his mother’s death until Aya grew old enough to not cry at every turn, not understanding the lost toy “props” Persia always took back, hurt so badly by her excuse of a parent. As they grew, the siblings had made it more enjoyable for each other. Gifting each other first with handmade creations, then favors or special events coupons such as those one would see around Mother’s Day: a promise to play a favored board game, or a turn at the other’s chores without complaint. /// This little tradition Ran had explained and shared with Yohji. Yohji was ... very creative . Ran was very… appreciative of that creativity, and studied his impromptu lessons well, practicing often, making his Sensei very proud. ///

Finally, as Ran had moved up to having an income, he’d lavished Aya with gifts of every imaginable venue, making up for lost innocence, spoiling her as much as he could. Since Aya’s injury Ran continued to buy her gifts he hoped she’d enjoy, at Christmas, her birthday, any excuse for a holiday, just as before, only now they remained wrapped, gathering dust, in the empty closet of his spare room….

But, this Christmas………. this Christmas he’d truly enjoyed _everything_ in a way he’d never imagined possible. Shopping with Yohji, buying gifts _for friends._ Definitely a new experience. And shopping _for_ Yohji. That had maybe been the best part. To buy as many gifts as he could think of, of every sort….. celebrating the 12 days of Christmas as he’d done before with Aya. And Yohji not able to say a damn thing about him being too extravagant. Shuldig had proved an inspiring ally in the gift hunt. Spilling Yohji’s secrets about his favorite flavors, smells, colors, …. Everything. Happy for his friend to have found such love. Being able to buy gifts for Yohji’s friends too. Things that Yohji would not have been able to do. Seeing the wistful look in Yohji’s eyes when he’d spot something he wanted to gift to someone and being able to make it possible….

Of course, being on the receiving end of Yohji’s gift giving had also had its rewards….. Yohji’s inventiveness was unmatched. Finding hidden gifts of every sort in the most unlikely places in the apartment…. inside the strangest places: wrapped chocolates nestled in the coffee tin, a basket stuffed with massage oils sitting in the bathtub (oh he’d _really_ enjoyed _that_ gift. Ran was definitely a massage whore… he’d do almost anything for a deep body massage. And Yohji knew it. And exploited it. Repeatedly.)

Then, the look on Yohji’s face when opened the braided bracelet from London. And the look in Yohji’s eyes when he’d opened his gift..... Yohji’d bought Ran a ring of his own. A platinum band of a basket-weave design, with thin gold along bands around the edges and a beautiful radiant cut emerald stone, bracketed by small onyx.... just incredible, beautiful. And his own inscription, “Angel, you give my soul wings. Yours, Yohji.”

Yes, overall, Christmas had truly been enjoyable. Ran had laughed more these short months than he had his entire life.

In retrospect, Ran should have known it couldn’t last…………….

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran had received the memo on his desk Monday afternoon just before leaving, informing him of the scheduled breakfast meeting for Wednesday. The summons had gnawed at him through his brief visit with Aya Monday evening before heading home for the New Year’s Eve celebrations with Yohji and WEISS, through the hours spent with Yohji and WEISS yesterday, watching Bowl games and making resolutions…. Ran had deliberately pushed it as far back in his mind as he could, and had not dared let anything of it show. Not allowed it to dampen the holiday for Yohji. If anything, Ran had forced himself to be more open, natural, distracting Yohji as much as he could, so Yohji had no idea of worry.

Ran made his way to his father’s garden, each step heavier than the last. Dread clogged his throat. He _knew, knew_ this had something to do with he and Yohji. He’d allowed himself to drift from purpose. He’d let his heart dare to hope, to glimpse happiness, to….. live. He shored up his walls as he approached the table set out on the veranda. Tried to thicken the ice, but Yohji’s warmth had infused his soul, and the ice was melting. He came now to face Persia for the first time in an eternity without those ice walls solid around his heart, and he felt fear. Not cold indifference, not apathy or disdain for whatever garbage Persia would spew at him, but fear. Worry gnawed at his insides, at his heart, until he felt shredded at the core. Open, vulnerable, and no way to reinforce those shields…..

“ah, Ran.” Persia called, as Ran passed through the French doors out onto the patio. “come. Join me. Breakfast is just recently lain.”

Ran felt the ice thicken, just a bit, his heart going just a little numb, at those words. His belly had gone cold at the _tone_. Persia never took such a tone of cheer with Ran. This was bad. What had happened? What _would_ happen?

Ran sat carefully at the second place setting. He saw the fruit, the bagels, and such. He smelled the coffee, heard the music piped in through the artfully hidden speakers, but had eyes only for Persia. That smug, chilling smile as he wiped his mouth and sat back, watching Ran.

“Ran.” He oozed, “so stiff. Whatever is troubling you? Have some fruit, relax. Eat.”

“what do you want Father? Why am I here?” Ran asked quietly, ignoring the food, the coffee, everything but Persia.

Persia sighed and set down his coffee. “surely the messenger told you I wanted you to join me for breakfast. I made sure we had your favorites. Even that horrid vanilla you put in your coffee.”

“Father. We have never exchanged pleasantries over breakfast. Not as a child, and certainly not since I was old enough to prepare anything for myself. Our last parting was decidedly unpleasant. Subsequent communication has been conveyed through memos, secretaries, and emails. What. Do. You. Want?”

“Fine Ran.” Persia spat. All pleasantness erased as if it had never existed. “I was willing to do this in a way that could be pleasant. Civilized. At least bearable. But no. you have to make everything difficult. Always. Very well. I have been in negotiation with Essett Music. As we expand out internationally, it is necessary to garner support for our label. To secure alliances and holdings. You may recall Elder Essett from your childhood. He and his daughter, Miko, of an age with you, visiting from Tokyo on more than one occasion. He worked for Krittiker before the expansion into the US. Grew widely known in Japan and split to develop his own label. He focused on Europe while Krittiker focused on the US. In order to expand into the European market, Krittiker has elected to merge with Essett there rather than wage war for territory and genres. Elder Essett has agreed to such a partnership, with him to oversee the European branch for the most part, grooming his replacement. This facilitated agreement came with a stipulation. His daughter, Miko, arrives at the end of the month. You will be married in late March.” Persia said this so matter of factly, as he sipped his coffee, as though he’d announced the parking garages would now be divided or something, that it took Ran a moment to comprehend.

The words tumbled over and over, resounding a few times in Ran’s head as he sat there watching Persia address something on his laptop.

 _“you will be married in late March”_ Ran blinked as the words repeated again in his head. “what?” he murmured, and shook his head. “no I won’t. What?”

Persia cut him off. “yes you will Ran. You will marry Miko at the end of March. She arrives on the 20th of this month. That gives you three months to get acquainted, to court, whatever. More than enough time. The wedding’s planned, I’ll memo you by Fri-”

“No! I won’t!” Ran shouted as he stood, shoving his seat back. “No. I won’t father” he snarled. “I will not marry some unknown woman to benefit Krittiker. I’m not your whore to-”

“Boy!” Persia barked. “you are whatever the fuck I say you are. You’re a whore all right. It’s about time you come to heel. I told you Ran, that I’d lance that boil. I have had enough. I’ve watched your little charade with that Kudoh. Dancing, playing house. Pathetic. I thought maybe you’d come to your senses after the masque. It seemed he’d had enough. Was done with you. But no. you had to patch things.”

Ran’s eyes widened as he realized Persia’s been watching. Closely enough to know of a private disagreement at the masque. To know of them dancing. They’d only danced together once, and…. quite a while ago…

Persia went on. “you will marry Miko. As I’ve told you. Remember boy, I own you. And just so you don’t get too full of yourself and think to defy me, know this. Your precious Aya is gone.”

Ran’s knees gave out as the blood drained from his heart & mind. He couldn’t breathe as he heard that phrase, repeated with glee as Persia watched him turn sheet white and drop to his knees practically at Persia’s feet. “That’s right boy. Gone. She’s gone from that hospital. Relocated with privacy rules in effect. As her only living parent, her _guardian_ , I make all decisions. For now, she is out of your reach. I will tell you where she is after the wedding. After you come to heel.”

Ran’s heart started again, a random, staccato beat, as he began to understand she was _moved_ not _gone._ Out of his reach perhaps, but… safe. Or at least as safe as one could be in the possession of a mad man. He raised his eyes to Persia as his sneering smirk widened. All fight torn from him. Humble, numb.

“Yes.” Persia gloated. “ ready to obey now? You will go back to your little geisha whore boy toy and tell him you are _my_ property, my tool, and you will do as you are told. Or you will never see her again. I have made certain she will be well cared for while away. I am not so dense as to throw away my hold on you. But you _will not_ see her until the wedding has been consummated. You play with that whore all you want boy. You just make sure he never comes out into the light. The press gets no whiff of him, Miko never finds out and her father stays happy. After the so called honeymoon the contracts will be recorded and Essett will become part of Krittiker. At that point I will tell you where sleeping beauty is. Remember your place you little shit. You live only to obey.” Persia paused for a drink of his juice and sighed. “I have purchased a small home for you two. A wedding gift. She will reside there until the wedding and you will move in after. I will have Miko’s schedule sent to your office by the end of the week. Now,” he growled and turned away, “get out of my sight. I don’t want to have to look at you anymore.” He turned to his computer then back, quickly, “But Ran. Make sure you are back in your office, working, by Monday.” He then ignored Ran completely, kneeling there, trembling.

He seemed not to see as Ran stumbled to his feet, knocking the dishes from the table as he groped for purchase. He never raised his head as Ran made his way across the patio, stumbling, through the French doors. Somehow Ran found himself out to the car waiting out front, directing the driver to return to Towers. Ran for his part never noticed the bowed head, pressed against the wall in the hallway leading off the veranda….

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yohji hummed quietly along with Frank as he danced around the apartment, his “HAPPY 2008!” hat perched at a jaunty angle on his head. He cleared away the remainder of the “Bowl” party from yesterday. Sweeping up the missed popcorn under the edges of coffee table and sofa, and confetti bits pretty much all over, that he’d missed last night as he’d helped Ran straighten up before bed. The guys had stayed through both bowl games and had finished off the pasties Ran had spent so much time on, not to mention the chocolate fudge pound cake. Yohji grinned. Ran had had as much fun cooking as the guys had yelling at the TV. The late night departure had led to a cursory cleaning, making things just presentable enough that Ran would consent to go to bed.

Yohji knew Ran had an early morning meeting today, set for the wholly unpleasant hour of 7:30 am, and Yohji had insisted on leaving the rest for him to finish off this morning. He’d pulled out all the stops in persuading Ran to leave it. After seeing Ran off he’d enjoyed a nice leisurely cigarette and coffee and got down to work.

Yohji’s humming trailed off a bit as he relived Ran’s surrender last night. That moment he’d melted into Yohji’s arms in the hallway as Yohji had mercilessly plundered that special spot behind Ran’s ear and down the side of his neck…that deep moan of “yes Yohji” as his legs had given way and he’d let Yohji sweep him up into his arms…..

Yohji took a deep breath and let a shiver run through him. He shook himself and stood up, making his way to the kitchen to dump the dustbuster out into the garbage bin.

As he plugged the dustbuster back into the socket he heard the front door open and close, quietly. “I thought you were gonna be in the office all day Angel,” Yohji called out as he made his way to the front room. “That musta been a short-” Yohji cut off his commentary abruptly as he took in the vision before him. Frozen in place at the sight of Ran standing there with a wild eyed stare that saw nothing, and a look that Yohji never imagined he’d see on Ran’s face.

Ran didn’t move. He just stood there, barely inside the door, staring at Yohji with utter panic in his eyes, fists clenched, shaking . Yohji took this in in an instant, then he found himself at Ran’s side. “Ran! What’s wrong?! What happened?” Yohji ran his hands over Ran, searching for an injury, something, anything to explain this….. shock.

“Ran!” Yohji barked. “What – happened?”

Ran shuddered and squeezed his eyes closed. “Yohji” he whispered , brokenly. “I” he swallowed, and Yohji’s grip tightened on Ran’s arms. _God. He’d never heard such a lost, broken tone in Ran’s voice._ He pulled Ran into his arms, knocking his hat off in the process. Desperate to reassure, to hold onto Ran. “Ran” he whispered. “I’m here. I’ve got you. Tell me Angel what’s wrong.”

“Yohji” Ran almost sobbed Yohji’s name, and that heart wrenching cry almost brought Yohji to his knees right there. He squeezed Ran tighter, then pulled back just enough to direct Ran toward the sofa.

They fell more than sat down on the sofa, and Ran clutched at the back of Yohji’s shirt. Ran was shaking, not trembling, shaking in his arms, repeating Yohji’s name. “Yohji. Yohji”

Yohji held on tight, rubbing his arms up and down Ran’s back, soothing, trying to calm Ran. “Angel. Come on. You have to tell me what is going on. I’m here, I have you. Talk to me. _Please Ran._ ”

Ran took a shuddering breath. Squeezed tighter just for a moment, then pushed back a little. He cleared his throat, then sat upright, rubbed his hands over his face and cleared his throat again. “Yohji. I’m…. I’m sorry” he whispered. “So sorry”

“sorry. For what? Ran? _What. Is. Wrong?”_ Yohji took Ran’s face between his hands, staring firmly into ran’s eyes as he held him in place. “Tell me Ran. Now. What the hell happened?”

Ran briefly struggled to look away, then clenched his eyes shit at the same time clamping his hands onto Yohji’s shoulders. Tightly, very tight. Yohji knew he’d have finger mark bruises…

“Yohji” Ran rasped, “I’m…I have to…. _God.”_ Ran shuddered, a full body movement, swallowed and then, “I’m getting married Yohji.” He breathed out. Then his eyes opened and Yohji flinched back at the deadness there. That deadness he’d hoped to never see again. Ran slumped in a bit, in what only could be taken as defeat, curling around himself as if to hold his stomach inside his body when Yohji jerked back, releasing his hold. Ran’s head dropped to his knees.

“What?” Yohji whispered. “what did you say?”

“Please Yohji.” Ran whispered, “please…. Persia has arranged….. a marriage. I’m…. I will be married in… in March” Ran’s voice morphed from lost, asking for Yohji to fix it, somehow, to flat, dead, all fear and panic melting away from his voice, leaving it flat, cold. Deadly quiet.

“Well tell him to fuck off Ran!” Yohji said, anger creeping into his tone as he reached for Ran’s shoulder, to make him look up.

Before he could grasp Ran’s shoulder, Ran sighed and sat up to stare straight ahead, obviously unseeing. “I can’t Yohji . He’s won. I will marry her.”

“no Ran. Bullshit he’s won! Why?! Why just give in like this. This is too much! Fight. You have to fight back.” By the end, his voice had dropped to an anguished whisper.

“I can’t fight him Yohji.” Again that deadness. Ran turned to look at Yohji. “he’s taken Aya Yohji. I…. she can’t…. she can’t fight for herself. I must… I have to.....” another sigh. “I will marry. I’m.... sorry.”

“what?” Yohji asked, shocked. He sat back as though slapped. “what do you mean, taken her?” Of course. It would have to be something to do with Aya. The one thing Yohji could never, ever compare with, Ran’s devotion to her. Naturally that bastard would use her to coerce Ran. And he wouldn’t fight, not with her in danger. He’d let Persia do anything, if it would keep her from harm. Anything. Obviously.

“She’s gone Yohji. He’s taken her, from the hospital, moved her…I don’t know where. Says he’s made it so I won’t find her and I won’t see her until after the…. the marriage is….” He sighed, “until after the wedding.” He dropped his head into his hands. “I’m sorry Yohji, so sorry.” Cracks were appearing now in the tight hold Ran had on himself, showed in the anguish palpable in his voice. “I… I never…. It shouldn’t have…” he stood, abruptly, taking a deep breath, fists clenched, he stalked toward the window, “my… bride….” He closed his eyes, “Arrives on the 20th.”

Ran strode to the window in his arms tightly about himself when he begins the window pain and gazed out over the cityscape, Brooklyn Bridge and all the cars fading from view as he lost focus. “I didn’t mean for” he whispered, tired now, cold, unable to think anymore. His walls rapidly freezing over again with the certainty that he’d lost Yohji “Yohji... Yohji. Truly, I never imagined this. Though with Persia’s threat at the beginning, I guess I should’ve seen this coming ..... or something like it.” He sighed “I’m so sorry, Yohji. I shouldn’t have let it go this far”

Ran closed his eyes when there was no answer from Yohji "Persia has bought a home for Miko and I... I would rather not just discard this apartment. I.... I would like it if... maybe... Yohji maybe you keep it. I’ll transfer to deed into your name tomorrow I will move into a hotel this afternoon I-"

Ran was cut off by a sharp "hotel? Why?" as he was swung around to face Yohji. A Yohji that Ran had never imagined seeing. Thunderous rage warring with pain as those depths of emerald held a look of terror .... and loss, such loss, on that face. "You said March Ran. Why? Why are you going to a hotel now?"

"Yohji…." Ran trailed off confused completely at a loss how to go on from here.

"No Ran.” Yohji’s expression settled into a kind of hurt anger "you are not leaving me. No Ran." Yohji went on as Ran seemed about to speak "that bitch doesn't arrive until the 20th you said.

"You don’t marry her until March. You are mine Ran. Mine. Mind, body, and soul. That bastard may have taken her, there may not be a way to really fight this, but I am fighting anyway. I am not giving you up Ran. Not without a fight."

Yohji drew Ran into his embrace. A trembling Ran, obviously in shock. Yohji was shaking himself as he went on, "look. We’ll get Omi on it. He can do a search. And... Well... Even if he can’t find her. Even if you have to do this, and marry this, this woman. I'm staying. You Are Mine Ran. Even if I have to share you. You belong to me. I'm fighting Angel. The bastard knows. He knows we love each other. Obviously, he’s wallowing in hurting you this way. But someday Ran, his time will come. Anyway. You said she doesn't, arrive until the 20th. Even though after then you'll..." He choked, took a deep breath and squeezed lightly "you'll have to" his eyes clenched shut "spend time with her. Until then you are **only mine**. And I intend to brand your very soul Ran" Yohji locked places eyes blazing "even if you marry her. Your soul will know, Ran. **_You belong to me_**." Yohji abruptly pulled Ran into a fierce embrace and a passionate, all-consuming kiss.

The kiss seemed to finally break through Ran’s stoic calm and he returned it with equal passion, clinging to Yohji fiercely. Sobbing from deep inside as he wrapped his arms around Yohji and yielded completely "I love you Yohji - I do - I do - so much. I need you. **_Please Yohji_** , please"

The sobs grew such that Ran could not speak now as Yohji swept him up and carried into the bedroom "Mine Ran. Mine." Yohji was crying now as well, tears streaming down his face. His own shaking threatening to cause him to drop Ran. He managed to get them onto the bed, each wrapped tightly about the other, hands petting, caressing as both men finally calmed enough to breathe normally.

"Angel" Yohji breathed "I meant it. I'm not giving you up and I'm not giving in. If I have to be the (kept mistress) fine. Whatever capacity. I will not give you up. Don't give up on me Ran. Don't let this break us"

"Yohji Ran whispered. Obviously exhausted. "I love you. I do –I t's not right. It's not right to make you a hidden secret something to be kept in the dark. It's not right for you or Miko"

Yohji stiffened at the mention of Miko's name and Ran sighed "it's not her fault Yohji. She's innocent in this. She's being used by Persia just as we are. She's young and innocent with the misfortune to have a bastard of a father with a business connection to Persia. She was kind to me, when we were children. We weren't friends, never that, but she was nice in her own shy way. She-"

"shut up Ran." Yohji growled. And Ran quieted in utter shock. Yohji had never spoken to him in such a way, in that tone. "I don't give a fuck if she's your best friend or your worst tormentor. I don't want to talk about her. Especially not in our bed." Yohji rolled down so he hovered over Ran "you belong to me. To think you may have to marry this bitch. Touch her. _Let her_ _touch you_. **_Fuck her_**." Yohji clenched his teeth. Slammed his eyes shut, and shook and barely suppressed rage and pain. "Ran" he choked out as a tear rolled down his face.

Ran caressed Yohji's jaw. "Oh Yohji" he whispered "I" he pulled Yohji down, claiming his lips in a soft kiss "I swear. I won't ever speak of her in our bed again." Ran grabbed Yohji in his arms kissing the side of his neck the side of his jaw "I love you Yohji. Only you Yohji. Ever. Brand me Yohji."

Their lovemaking was fierce, passionate, almost violent as each tried to leave his mark on the other.

Take me," Ran begged urgently, his voice carried in soft mews. "Brand me… mark me." He wrapped his arms loosely over Yohji's shoulders and gazed into his eyes. "…please...."

Yohji was caught. Ran was right here, still here…. hot, hard and aching for his touch. Ran's hand slid down Yohji's chest, to his shorts where he fumbled to undo the button. His hand brushed against Yohji's groin once, twice and then it became impossible for Yohji to think, to reason, to do anything. All he wanted to do was take Ran, mark Ran, fuck Ran like there was no tomorrow, and maybe like there was no yesterday, either.

"Dammit," Yohji grunted, and shoved Ran down onto the bed as he rose up onto his knees before him, the muscles in his arms flexing as he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, an expression of pain and borderline anger etched onto his face, making him look worried and scared while at the same time powerful and intimidating. "I'm sorry," he uttered gruffly before bending down and grabbing Ran's shirt by the collar, ripping it in half.

Ran cried out as Yohji took hold of the top of his pants and, in a similar fashion, ripped them in half down one leg seam. Ran's briefs met the same fate as the articles of clothing before them; like the effect of adrenaline, sot was with Yohji's passion, giving him strength and a driving need that was both painful and thrilling.

Yohji took Ran by the legs and jerked him forward across the comforter, and Ran felt his flesh burn from the friction. Strong arms shoved his legs wide apart, exposing all of Ran's soft, pale flesh in the dim yellow light of the bedside lamp.

Yohji stared down at the prize before him, at the yielding beauty that was _His dammit!,_ his to touch, his to taste, **only** his to partake of, and lowered his head to Ran's groin, opening his mouth and taking in his Angel’s almost fully erect length. Ran’s cock was warm and firm in Yohji's mouth, and it tasted the way Ran smelled, a pleasant smell like that of faint spice and fresh air. Yohji swallowed it down to the root, pressing his face between Ran's legs until his lips brushed against coarse hair and hot skin; he flexed the muscles in his throat as he sucked hard but carefully.

Ran clasped a hand to Yohji’s head and moaned, chest rising and falling heavily as he heaved labored breaths for air. "Unhh… oh, Yohji …" he panted raggedly, his hands finding their way into Yohji's hair where they clamped down into the thick mane. Ran closed his eyes and submitted totally to Yohji's desire.

Yohji sat up and released Ran's length, catching his breath and looking quickly about for something, anything, close by that could be used as a lubricant. He was quite constricted in the shorts he was wearing, so he crawled to his knees, unbuttoned his fly and pulled his boxers down around his thighs, sighing in relief.

Ran leaned up a little and caught a glance of Yohji’s swollen, hard erection that was already leaking pearlescent pre-cum.... “hurry Yohji, I need you, inside me Yohji, ...... hurry.”

"I'm workin' on it,” Yohji muttered, as he reached across Ran’s body, groping for the bedside table. He clumsily rummaged in the drawer as Ran kissed and carressed his chest, hands wandering everywhere, and grabbed the bottle, muttering, "I will take you Ran..... you are still mine, I will _show_ you Angel."

He returned to Ran with the oil, popped the cap and emptied a fair amount into the palm of his hand. He worked hurriedly, slopping the oil haphazardly between Ran's legs, clumsy in his haste to get inside Ran before the pain and fear hit again, or before Ran could think too much either. Yohji doubted that he would be able to stop now, he needed Ran, in a way he could not believe.

Yohji's hands slipped easily over Ran's shiny, oiled flesh; the redhead made satisfied mews in his throat as he enjoyed the sensation of Yohji’s sturdy, strong hands gliding over his cock. Yohji paused to unscrew the bottle and shake the last bit of oil from it before tossing it aside; he had just enough to slick over his hardened length, making it gleam. Dripping, slippery hands delved once again between Ran's legs, this time in quest of softness.

"Aah! Nnnh!" Ran groaned deeply when he felt one of Yohji's questing fingers penetrate his body. He bucked once and closed his eyes, gasping, "Nnhh… deep. Deeper, Yohji ."

Yohji obeyed, forcing his way into Ran and feeling the body relax and tighten responsively. He watched the expressions on Ran's face and wanted to smile through the pain; here was his Angel, sprawled out on the bed with his legs spread and head tossing back and forth in unbridled lust and need, moaning and begging. His Ran, sometimes naïve, somehow still innocent, sweet Ran who was going to get his senses and sensibility fucked right out of him, right now. Yohji was going to leave part of himself so deeply embedded into Ran’s soul, no matter what happened, Ran would never, ever, erase it.

Yohji withdrew and pried back in with two fingers, harshly, deep, forceful. Ran cried out and bit his fist, grabbed the comforter beneath him and clutched it desperately. The fingers moved in and out, deeper, faster, with each thrust, and Yohji took hold of Ran's erection, hand sliding up and down its length. "Ah! Nnh! Hhaaahhh…" Ran sobbed, tears filling his eyes and running down the sides of his head. "Oh, God… Yohji… Yohji-!"

Yohji felt dizzy with desire as he listened to the cries, his cock throbbing painfully and his balls aching for release; already thick drops of precum were drooling from him, and it was becoming hard to think of anything else but slamming himself into Ran with a violence born of desire, pain, fear….

Finally, after one last thrust of his hand, Yohji let go of Ran's cock and retreated from the oiled heat of his body, grabbing Ran's thighs and lifting them up onto his shoulders. He nudged his hips forward, allowing need to rub against Ran's balls as he tried to find the place he needed to be. He found it shortly and pressed forward, Ran's body spreading slowly to hug his shaft and closing around it once it had entered.

Ran began to mewl in the back of his throat, but it was not sounds of pain. Yohji could barely make out the words: 'Yohji', 'yes Yohji' and 'more Yohji'. Yohji plunged forward, sliding halfway in, then easing back out only to press in deeper in the next movement. Tight, pulsing, velvety heat, untouched, unexplored, by any but him, ever. HIS. Ran was tight and hot all around him, heavy, clenching and slippery. Yohji thrust forward until he pressed close to Ran's flesh; Ran shouted and leaned upward, wrapping his arms around Yohji's neck and bringing him back down. Yohji rocked forward and back, pumping in and out with ease as Ran moaned in pleasure beneath him. Each time he pushed into the heat, he felt Ran's body part and then clasp around him in a lover's embrace, willing, receiving, and needful.

"Feels… s-so good," the redhead gasped in Yohji's ear, chin resting upon his sturdy shoulder as their bodies rocked in unison. "Feels so good, Yohji, so… so… good…"

Sweat beaded on Yohji's brow-he felt it running down his bare chest as it met with Ran's, just like he felt Ran's cock press into his stomach each time he thrust inside. He reached underneath him and cupped his hands around Ran’s shoulders, holding him close. Ran's crimson locks brushed against Yohji's fingers, and Yohji pulled away slightly to gaze down into violet, passion-filled eyes. Yohji closed his eyes and kissed Ran, completely as one.

They rolled, tumbled, clawed at each other's flesh as if they were on their last moment of life, thrusting with a passion guaranteed to leave bruising, marks to keep this moment foremost in their minds for some time to come.

Ran tore his lips away and gasped for breath, feeling his skin bead with sweat. Yohji sucked on Ran's throat as his hips gyrated into Ran's, grinding rock hard flesh brutally in and out of the yielding body beneath him. With each entry Ran call out, and clamped tighter to his lover. "Unh, give… give it to me Yohji, own me," he panted heavily, almost wising for his body to be broken in pieces, to match his heart. And Yohji was giving it to him, giving it as hard as he could.

Moments passed in heated whispers, wordless involuntary grunts, incoherent moans then finally, an orgasm hit Ran like a hammer, and he lurched up from his, back arched and eyes shut tight, with a scream-like moan pouring from deep inside. He grabbed Yohji's shoulders and fairly smothered him against his body, shaking and trembling and writhing as if in agony of pleasure. He buried a hand in Yohji's honey gold locks, pulling them in feverish distress, and cried out without words as creamy warmth spurted from his straining cock.

"Oh…! Ohhh, Gah! Ohhhhhaaaa…!" Ran raved as he felt Yohji's swollen length slide into him again and again; he arched his hips off the bed to receive the pleasure while sucking in gasps through his open mouth as if he were suffocating. He wrapped his legs around Yohji's waist and attached himself firmly onto the steel rod from which so much of his pleasure was derived, seated himself deep upon it like he never wanted it to leave him.

The two lovers couldn't be pried apart, so tightly were they wrapped around each other. Yohji growled and groaned like a raging beast as his vision became clouded by white light, and he felt the pain and ache of his fear and desires suddenly rush from his throbbing length and into the warm tightness that embraced him. It was the best feeling in the world, that rush of force, whose absence left him shaking and shuddering weakly.

Ran moaned and writhed as he felt Yohji's heat flow into him, nudging his hips against his lover's appreciatively while his limbs went slowly limp, loosening from around Yohji. "…never felt so good," he murmured sleepily. "Want you Yohji … inside me, only you… forever…" Then he began to whine softly as Yohji withdrew his softening cock from out of him.

Yohji sat back on his legs then stood and steadied himself against the edge of the bed while Ran lay outstretched on the crumpled comforter, staring at the ceiling as if he were in a trance, dazed and satisfied. He grabbed Ran’s ripped shirt and crawled up onto the bed. He cleaned them both up, then lay and pulled Ran into his arms. “mine Ran” he growled. “mine.” Then he let himself fall into a sated but uneasy sleep, holding Ran tightly to his chest.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The rest of that week was spent holed up in the apartment. Neither was far from the other for any length of time, as though each feared if out of sight for very long the other would be lost...

Omi did all the magic he could think of, but no hint was found. Rather, it was as though Aya’d vanished. Ran barely slept, plagued by nightmares. Visions of Aya found, but dead; or Persia revealing, gleefully, after the wedding, that she was dead; or telling Ran after the wedding that he was being transferred overseas with Miko; or of getting a call from Schuldig or Jei that _Yohji_ was dead by his own hand or by Persia’s orders; or of Yohji leaving him..... on and on.

Ran grew more and more distant over the weeks that followed. Yohji could feel Ran slipping away. Oh, he was still _there._ He could still touch him, kiss him, make love to him, //and he did, as often as he could,// branding him, filling Ran’s soul with his love, his touch, but ... still, Ran was distant. Though he gave himself to Yohji, though he begged Yohji to take him, touch him, still... Ran began to build his walls again, steeling himself for the coming nightmare. And that was what the walls were made of this time. Not ice, that could melt or crack. But cold, hard, lifeless steel.

Every interaction with Persia tempered the steel harder. Ran grew colder, harder. Not really meaning to, **not ever** , nonetheless he withdrew from Yohji. Bit by bit, Ran walled himself off to prevent the wound of his heart from spreading. It felt like a great festering wound, gaping in his chest. Like his heart has been ripped out; roasted, whipped, shredded, and placed back inside his body. It was like a burning acid, eating away at his heart, and he feared it would spread, destroying him. He couldn't think for more than a moment on the pain Yohji was in, caused by in. Him and his selfish desires-daring to let this happen, falling in love... Nor could he think for long about Aya. On the danger she was in, where she was, if she was cared for, if anyone read to her, was she cold, in pain, did she know she’d been taken away, that he was not there...

Instead, more and more he occupied his mind with mindless monotony: work contracts, the offices in Europe, Mamaru’s tours, Kendo.... anything that would keep him from actual thought. Even time spent with Yohji grew to be painful, as Ran contemplated the coming separation, and he reacted in the only way he knew how... _if you don’t need something, don’t let yourself **feel** , it can’t hurt when it’s taken away......_

As the 20th grew closer, he closed off tighter and tighter, trying to forestall the dread. Yohji tried to hold on, to keep Ran close to him, but as Ran closed off deeper and deeper, burying himself in his work, his kendo, whatever, Yohji was left to his own devices. Much more often than he would've liked. He still had Weiss, and the guys supported him. They helped him hold it together. Just as they had done when he had lost Asuka. Yohji did have that one small advantage in dealing with this. Yohji had endured loss before. He’d had to watch Asuka withdraw from him, just as Ran was doing now. Weiss had helped him keep it together then, given him a purpose. He leaned on Schuldig, and Jei **, a lot**. Definitely more than he should, and it was those two who supported him, occupied him, kept him sane on the evening that Ran had to meet Miko....

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran’s dread had grown so all-encompassing that he did not see the toll the approaching date was taking on Yohji. He prepared for the office that morning, knowing in the back of his mind that Miko would arrive late that morning. He would have to meet her that very evening. He’d determined that first meeting would be on neutral ground, at his office, after she’d rested. He would have to face her, Persia, her father.... and he was so determined to feel nothing this day, to delay it, that when he woke, he did not speak to or make any response to Yohji. He simply slid from his bed and began to shower getting ready to face this day.

But. Yohji also woke that morning knowing that this night, this night Ran would meet his wife. The woman he would be expected to touch... to hold... to **marry.** And Yohji could _not_ , absolutely **could not** , pretended it was just like any other morning. He woke to the sound of Ran starting the shower. Hurt, angry, scared; Yohji couldn't contain his grief on this morning of all days. To know he was about to lose Ran, that all their time from this point on would be... Tainted... Marred. Yohji rolled over to one side, wrapping himself around Ran’s pillow, unable to hold back the grief, the pain. The anger now on the back burner, in the back of his mind, the grief had come fully to the fore. He lay there wracked by pain, crying as quietly as he could.

This was the scene that Ran took in as he stepped out from the bathroom to get dressed. Yohji, brokenhearted, stifling his pain into a pillow, oblivious to Ran’s entrance. It broke Ran, Yohji's pain. Without thought, he found Yohji in his arms. Holding him tightly as Yohji released his pain. Yohji, the one who always held _him_ , soothed him, helped him to endure _his_ pain, now lost and broken in his arms. "Nissho, Yohji, I'm so sorry, so so sorry." Ran could think of nothing else to say, only over and over, "I'm sorry Yohji. I love you Yohji. Only you always" Ran rocked Yohji, holding him as tightly as he could, until Yohji calmed, finally going limp against him. All the tension, fear, anguish, he’d kept bottled up this last three weeks, finally released. After a bit, Ran looked down to find Yohji in an exhausted slumber against his chest.

Ran took a deep breath, carefully so as not to disturb Yohji, and shook himself mentally. He been so enmeshed in his own nightmare, he discounted Yohji's own. He had relied so on Yohji's strength, that though he knew Yohji felt this too, he had not truly processed. Ran determined he would be stronger, for Yohji. Though he exposed himself to more pain by admitting his feelings, he would not wall himself off completely again. He would consciously _see_ Yohji. Be there for him too....

There was no way to get out of this evening. He would have to meet Miko tonight. But at least he was not expected to meet her at the airport. Ran leaned back, pulling Yohji closer. A vulnerable, Yohji that nestled into his arms, squeezing him and mumbling "Ran." Ran determined that although he may have to endure tonight, he did not have to be at the office today. No, _today,_ today with belonged to Yohji. Completely. Holding him, talking, making love.... helping Yohji, and himself, to build their reserves up for what was to come.

Yohji could walk away, leave Ran to suffer this alone, go off to mourn and lick his wounds, and search for another – one who didn’t have the baggage Ran did, someone who could devote themselves totally to him... and he deserved to, he should, but – he loved _Ran._ And he wouldn’t leave, he’d sworn, he wouldn’t walk away. ....he could still hear Yohji’s declaration: ”I’ve told you, Ran, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon....... “Ran , I promise you, as long as you want me..... Forever Ran. I’m yours, you’re mine... always.”

Ran gently reached for his cell on the bedside table. With as little movement as possible he texted Tina, telling her he was out today. Then shut the damn thing off. He slowly, carefully, eased down until he lay with Yohji close against him. Encased in his arms. Safe, loved. "I love you Yohji" he murmured into Yohji's hair. Ran lay there, arms full of Yohji, and felt his heart melting. He would endure any pain, whatever it took to see Yohji through this too. To make sure Yohji knew how much it meant that he wasn’t giving up....

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran stood there, in front of his desk, outwardly calm, stoic. But inside, he was seething, raging. And desperately trying to think of something, anything, to keep the memory of this day with Yohji from his mind. Of their frantic, frenzied lovemaking; of Yohji’s brave front for Ran’s benefit, after he’d awoken, trying so hard not to let his fear and pain show through. Ran had to find something else to focus on, or he was going to slip, to allow his anger, his hatred, to show. And as angry as he was, as _loathsome_ as he found Persia on this day of all days, he could not allow this wrath to be directed toward the innocent, shy, beautiful woman approaching.

And she was beautiful. Demure, eyes downcast, a shy smile on her lips. Petite in stature, but with a lush figure: lightly rounded hips, breasts just short of generous, delicate hands, shapely legs. She had silken, raven hair, lightly curled, bouncing around her head in cut layers and falling just passed her shoulder blades. Finally, as she raised her eyes to Ran’s own, he noted that they were a deep, chocolate brown. Not the flat, mouse brown, as so many brown eyes were, but warm chocolate. Like frosting or syrup, with flecks of gold and green, and they were large doe like, innocent. Filled with an obviously fearful desire for acceptance. And this wish to be wanted made Ran as sad as anything else this day. To _know_ how he was going to hurt this woman....

Because, no matter what he did, no matter _how well_ he played his role, he could not love her. He may come to care for her in some way, to at least feel protective of her. He may act well enough to convince her of his love, but someday, somehow, it would come out, and she would be hurt, as he and Yohji were hurting now.... and he could find no way to prevent it......

"Ran" the young woman murmured quietly, her voice musical and sweet, like a Disney Princess. "I am... pleased... to see you again." Her voice, warm with appreciation, and attraction, but was pitched quietly enough for Ran’s ears alone. "I was... terribly sorry, to hear of your tragedy, of Aya’s injury." She dropped her eyes to the floor at that last statement, preventing her from catching the flash of pain-anger-fear in Ran’s eyes at the mention of Aya. "I’m sorry that she has to be in isolation for now" (ahh, so _that's_ how Persia would play this for now. Ran had wondered how Persia would keep Miko's curiosity contained.) "I do hope she'll be able to receive visitors soon."

Thankfully, Miko dropped this line of questioning and then went quiet. Ran sighed, then cleared his throat, and lifted his eyes as he took Miko's hand in his, lightly kissing the palm. "Thank you Miko, for your concern. It is-" he couldn't say pleasant, agreeable,... He swallowed. "You've grown into a beautiful young woman Miko, since last we met." He continued quietly.

She smiled and blushed lightly. "Shall we sit?" Ran indicated the sofa in the small table in the corner of his office. Ignoring Persia's presence completely in an attempt to contain his hatred, Ran guided her over. This young woman was innocent, undeserving of his fury. "You've rested well, since your flight arrived this morning? The..." A quick breath, "the house is... Acceptable?"

Miko nodded and raised excited eyes to his "oh yes Ran!" She gushed, "the house is adorable. Thank you - I... I'm sure this is... awkward. For you also" she said quietly. Ran determined even harder then, to contain all of his ire, and to keep it from her. He placed a hand softly over her own - fortified himself, and looked up at Persia standing there, by her father, near the door.

"You will excuse us." He spoke coldly despite his best efforts. "I will speak with my.... with Miko alone. You may leave the door open for propriety, but you _will_ leave us." Ran was done cowering. Persia needed this alliance and therefore, at least in this, he would accommodate Ran. Ran was done groveling, bowing for Persia. He had given up _his life_ , his very _soul_ , to this man. He could lose nothing else.

This, he would control - to the best of his ability. He would protect this innocent girl, as he had been unable to protect Yohji. Would shelter her from Persia, as he had always guarded Aya, until she was taken beyond his control. Miko would not be the victim to Persia's ire, if it could at all be avoided. She would never know, how she had been whored out for Persia's gain, for his spiteful glee at hurting Ran. Beyond the obvious arranged marriage, she would not know how their fathers had made her into nothing more than a whore. Arranged marriages happened, still somewhat often, among the older families of Japan. She knew this was part of forging an alliance between Essett and Kriitker. But she did not know of his... reluctance, of Persia’s holding Aya hostage against his participation, of Ran’s .... dread, dismay, and ... complete lack of desire for her....

Ran kept his gaze locked on Persia’s. Cold, unwavering, until Persia gave an imperceptible nod and turned to guide the Elder Essett from the room. Once they left, Ran turned his gaze to Miko. She flinched briefly as his steel, hard eyes met hers. She looked down, afraid, uncertain.

Ran softened his gaze, sighed, and lifted her hand into his own "Miko" he said. Firm, but not cold, not angry, "look at me"

She raised her eyes, and whispered "yes Ran?" She asked. He tried to smile. Tried and failed. But she seemed to understand the effort "Our fathers have... Established this. You know that." She nodded, meek, and sad. "But" he went on. She raised her eyes, hopeful now "if this must happen, at least we... knew each other, before. At least we... have that, to build on. We weren't friends, not really, but we were... kind to each other. You showed me a kindness, and a kind of friendship to Aya, that none of the children of Persia’s other associates did. Better this, than total strangers"

Ran took a deep breath. He ran his hands through his hair and then touched her cheek to raise her eyes. He looked at her for a long moment, until she took her lip between her teeth, the uncertainty back in her expression. "Miko" he went on, "I don't love you. I'm sorry. And you can’t possibly love me. Despite our... history, we don't know each other, not really. But this... this marriage, will happen regardless. We can... Make the best of it. We have two months, to get to know each other. To prepare. I would... keep this apart. Apart from our fathers, from Krittiker, from Esset. This should be, between only us." He sat back a bit, sipped from his water. "Tell me, Miko, something about yourself. Your hobbies, your .... interests..."

The evening wore on. Despite the simmering anger in the back of his mind, Ran found conversation with Miko... agreeable. She was sweet, innocent, kind. Arrangements were made, for the courtship. And Miko and her father left. Ran turned and left without giving Persia any opportunity to speak, anxious to spend time with Yohji ............as much time as he had left.......

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 9 **

 

****

** birthday **

****

Yohji paced Schu’s living room like a caged lion, running his fingers through his tawny mane before dropping his hands to his sides, fists clenched. Every muscle tense, poised as though for ‘fight or flight.’ So tightly wound, the slightest provocation could set him off. Schu and Jei watched, quietly, hurting for their friend… and completely unable to ease his pain. Finally, Jei could take no more.

 

“Yohji” he said into th silence. He almost could have shouted, the room was so quiet. Yohji started and whirled to face Jei, then slumped into a slouch, head bowed. “sorry Jei. You startled me. What man?” so defeated, so lost….

 

Jei stood and came to face Yohji. He took Yohji’s shoulders in his hands, “C’mon man. You gotta take your mind off this. Let’s toss some darts. You can take out some aggression and still not think so much. Or we can go out, pool or bowl-“

 

“no.” Yohji cut him off. “I don’t wanna go out. Darts is fine.” He turned to lead the way out to Schu’s patio.

 

Yohji’d tried to shake it off, really. But it was so hard. So hard not to imagine the meeting taking place right now. So hard not to picture Ran taking a beautiful woman into his arms… and from there his imagine just wanted to run rampant, self-torture dragging up visions: Ran kissing her, touching her…..more…. He groaned and shook head, forcing all thoughts of Ran aside, or tried to, anyway.

 

He abruptly turned aside into the kitchen before exiting the patio door. He opened the fridge, taking out a hard lemonade. As he closed the door however, Schu’s hand covered his, taking the bottle. Schu turned Yohji to face him.

 

“No Kudoh.” Schu said firmly. “No. You’ve already had enough. I’m not gonna let you get smashed and make it worse. Ran won’t be much longer and you’re gonna want a clear head when he gets here. C’mon, let’s toss some darts. Focus on not letting me kick your ass.” He steered Yohji toward the glass door, “And, just to _keep_ you focused, let’s have a little wager.”

He placed Yohji at the chalk line and handed him a set of darts, “warm up. Six shots, then we get serious. Hmmm….. let’s see…. A challenge…. Ah!” he grinned hugely at both Yohji and Jei, “I have it. Loser has to cook, not buy, not order and re-heat, but _cook_ the Groundhog Day breakfast. And _before_ the parade.” His eyes gleamed.

 

Yohji’s eyes flew wide. “Cook?! And _breakfast_ ?! and _before_ the parade – are you nuts?” he squawked. “you are evil Schu. Plain evil.” He glowered at Schu then took his stance, intent on definitely **not** losing.

 

Yohji took his warm up shots then each man gathered his dart set and the game began in earnest. Yohji focused, concentrating fiercely, actually forgetting for a moment here and there just _why_ he was being distracted. It didn’t erase the pain and frustration, but it eased it, and Yohji was so grateful to have such friends………….

 

The battle was fierce and competitive, each scoring within a few points of the other, down to the wire. Finally, on Jei’s last toss, the distraction of Yohji’s ‘monkey dance’ off to one side, combined with a miraculously timed gust of wind caused Jei’s dart to veer to the right giving him a 4, rather than the 20 he needed for the win, costing him the game.

 

“Yes!” Yohji crowed, jumping up and down, and busting out in another rendition of the monkey dance, arms waving. “Yes! I don’t’ have to cook, whoo hoo!”

 

“And even better, we don’t have to _eat_ anything you would cook” Schu chuckled, “though, it would have almost been worth it to see you at a stove before 6 am.”

 

“hmph!” Jei snorted, “almost…. Maybe.” He gathered his darts, “well, as much as I didn’t necessarily want to lose, it has to beat getting stuck with burnt oatmeal or worse. Stupid wind though. I had you Yohji, I fucking had you!”

 

Yohji just laughed as he cleared away the Pepsi cans and ashtrays as Schu closed up the dart board and pulled down the patio cover.

 

“Well. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” A deep voice intoned from the doorway and Yohji spun around to find Ran lounging against the door frame, a warm smile, full of love on his face, shining in his eyes.

 

“Ran!” Yohji stepped around the table toward Ran, about to embrace him, but pulled up, just short. Hurt flashed through Ran’s eyes, for a brief moment, then he reached and pulled Yohji into his arms. He dropped his head to Yohji’s shoulder, breathing against Yohji’s neck “Nissho”

Yohji’s arms tightened around Ran and he inhaled Ran’s hair. “Angel” he returned, “glad you’re back Babe.” He leaned back and, taking Ran’s eartails in each hand, pulled Ran in for a kiss. He kept it short, but filling, tasting every reachable inch of Ran’s mouth. Then he stepped back, determined to keep this evening light, upbeat, as long as he could.

 

 

“We just narrowly avoided disaster Ran.” Yohji intoned seriously before flashing a grin. Tight, but a grin nonetheless. “Must have been divine intervention because my Angel loves me.” Yohji cheekily went on.

 

“oh?” Ran asked, brows raised, “How so?” Ran turned in Yohji’s arms so his back was to Yohji and held on to Yohji’s forearms around his chest to keep his embrace firm.

 

Schu smiled as Jei growled. “we had a small wager on the outcome of this game.” Schu explained, “to keep Yohji focused on the task at hand. Loser has to cook, actually _cook_ , mind you, breakfast for Groudhog Day. And _before_ the parade too.” Schu laughed at Ran’s wide-eyed, expression as both brows raised into his hairline. “Yes. As you can imagine, Yohji paid attention.”

 

Ran found himself grinning. “oh, I believe that.” He laughed, “Yohji cooking, and breakfast, of all meals? Right. Burnt ‘Eggo’s all around”

 

“Hey!” Yohji cried, “That was only one time. And it was _your_ fault those got burnt.” He pouted, then smiled and kissed Ran’s temple. “you distracted me”

 

Ran smiled and turned his head back a bit, reaching up with one arm to pull Yohji down into a kiss. “that I did Nissho.” He murmured, voice husky. Then he whispered against Yohji’s mouth, “when we get home maybe I’ll remind you just how I distracted you.” He kissed Yohji again, swallowing Yohji’s gasp at that whispered promise, then turned back to Schu, pressing himself back against Yohji and wriggling, just a bit under the pretense of repositioning as he turned back around, relishing the pressure of Yohji’s awakened hardness against his back pocket.

 

Yohji squeezed Ran tighter against him, breathing against the back of his neck as Ran addressed Schu, “So, I take it something occurred ‘providentially’ to divert Yohji’s loss?”

 

Schu chuckled, “Jei was all set up to take it, but a ‘heavenly’ timed gust of wind blew through just as he tossed and he scored poorly. ‘Course, the ‘monkey dance’ taking place off to one side didn’t exactly help his aim either.”

 

“Monkey dance?” Ran asked, turning to look at Yohji, curious.

 

“oh, you haven’t seen the monkey dance yet!” Schu crowed, leaning forward to snatch Yohji away from Ran. Yohji was never so thankful to be wearing an oversized hoody.

 

“When Yohji’s losing, or just wants to be obnoxious to his competitors in darts, or pool, or golf, or bowling, or pretty much anything that requires _paying attention_ or focus, he does the monkey dance.” Schu explained

 

“yeah,” Jei put in, “His answer is that you have to be able to fire under pressure, right? So, if they can’t focus on their task while he’s dancing the monkey dance, then they obviously just need more practice.” He scowled, “Unfortunately, the fact that _he,_ once truly focused on a task is monumentally hard to distract, just adds fuel to his fire.”

 

Schu pulled Yohji into the middle of the patio, “I can’t believe you haven’t shown Ran the monkey dance Yohji, you slacker, c’mon, let’s see it”

 

Yohji grinned. “Well, I haven’t really _wanted_ him distracted yet, when he’s been focused on something.” Yohji leered, then softened his smile, “I haven’t minded losing a round of pool or two, and we haven’t played more than a few games of darts here and there. It woulda come out eventually. Ran’s very competitive too. But, he’s incredibly focused when he’s on task. More so than even me I think. I don’t think it would distract him anyway.” Yohji caught Ran’s curious gaze and held it, “Well, at least, not when performed in front of others. Alone, naked, at home maybe…”

 

Yohji flashed a quick grin, raised both arms over his head, and began to sway seductively. Both arms waving over his head, hips rotating as he gyrated in a circle….. “hey!” Jei shouted, “not the ‘fuck me, please’ Monkey dance! C’mon. show him the real one. You can practice _that version_ later at home.”

 

Yohji laughed, winked at Ran, and answered “ok. The real one” then he began to wave both arms erratically over his head, like a tree tossed in a storm, and jump up and down, crowing, “ooh, ooh, focus, focus. You can do it, come on!” in a high pitched voice.

 

Ran’s eyes flew wide and his mouth dropped open, then snapped shut before he shook his head and looked to Jei, with mock sympathy “no _wonder_ your aim was off, what a freak.” He grinned.

 

“Hey!” Yohji mock pouted “freak?”

 

“yeah. But you’re _my_ freak” Ran reached out and pulled Yohji into his arms once more, kissing him quickly. “C’mon freak. Let’s go home.”

 

He turned to Schu and Jei. “Thank you. Both of you. So much.” He intoned solemnly as he held Yohji close. Both men sobered and nodded back. “Not a problem man.” Jei answered, “ever.”

“yeah. Remember” Schu responded quietly, “we love him too Ran. We’ll always be here” Schu nodded again, eyes on Ran, then turned to head back inside with the darts.

 

“Take that bastard home and give him something to think about.” Jei groused as he clasped Ran’s shoulder. Then he turned to finish pulling down the patio cover that had been abandoned on Ran’s arrival.

 

Ran turned back to Yohji who was watching him quietly. “come Nissho. Let’s go home and you can show me the rest of that dance.” He smiled warmly, and kissed Yohji softly.

 

“yeah baby, I’ll show you that, and more.” Yohji kissed Ran back, passionately, deeply, lovingly, then pulled back, taking Ran by the hand and leading him out to the car.

 

Schu and Jei watched quietly as the two got into Yohji’s car. “I worry Jei.” Schu said quietly. “this …. This could break him. You know?”

 

“yeah Schu, I know. But damned if I know how to fix it.” Jei turned a solemn gaze to Schu. “he’s in too deep now to walk away, and Ran loves him. He knows that, wants to protect Ran every bit as much as he needs protecting himself. All we can do I figure is be here to pick up the pieces if he falls. If either of them fall.”

 

Schu took a deep breath. “I know…. I know. I just wish I didn’t have such a premonition that the fall is coming……” he turned back to the window watching as they drove away down the street.

 

“And I hope, if he does break, we _can_ put the pieces back together again. Something tells me if he breaks those pieces will be jagged and sharp. We may just end up cutting ourselves trying to piece the puzzle back together….”

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

The time they had together now was so limited. Persia went out of his way to overschedule Ran. He announced another upcoming tour for Mamaru, before even telling Ran, naturally; ensuring that Ran would be swamped with sudden details: press conferences and televised appearances to schedule, finalizing and releasing the next album; which hadn’t even yet been put to print, securing travel arrangements and venues for the tour….

 

Compile that whirlwind mess with the enforced courtship and Ran had precious few hours to spend with Yohji; often exhausted when he finally dragged himself home. The only good part of the whole mess was it kept him from spending too much time worrying about Aya…

 

On top of Ran’s hectic schedule, WEISS had garnered quite the local and online following and had finally signed a small contract. Set up for mostly local appearances, well - east coast at any rate, the deal guaranteed a certain amount of live appearances within a given time frame over the coming months. If everything panned out, they would be rewarded with a recorded album in the summer, complete with a short promotion tour hitting some key spots in the US. It wasn’t a label on the level of Krittiker Music, but it was a start.

 

The contract specifically was written that, should a larger label offer, WEISS could terminate given advance notice was made and a buyout was paid, or if a good enough rapport was developed by then between the band and the small label, they could retain the smaller label and partner with or work under the guidance of the hoped for big name label….

 

Yohji was no happier over the recent required travel for WEISS than Ran was over his own fucked up schedule, but WEISS had worked too hard and too long for the recognition to screw it up for the rest of them just so he could stay at the apartment and moon over Ran. A Ran who most often wasn’t there anyway lately….. And, well, as much as it hurt to be away, it kept him from brooding too much when Ran was out with _her._

 

Ran had no doubt that this break for WEISS would lead to more recognition. The growth they’d seen recently had exploded in the six weeks since Ran had informed Yohji of the “engagement”. Seemingly unbeknownst to Yohji, his stage persona and presentation over the last weeks had developed a new ….. quality. His voice, his body language; there was a yearning there, an edge, an…. angst, that hadn’t existed before. Especially poignant on songs that made him think of Ran. “This Chance” the “Frank-esque” ballad from the night they’d met, soared in popularity, Youtube was a wonderful tool, and it seemed their fan base multiplied daily. Yes, WEISS was undoubtedly on their way. All Ran could do was watch with both pride and trepidation as Yohji became more widely recognized and they spent more and more time apart…..

 

At least Ran’s and Yohji’s friendship had finally become public knowledge. That was some consolation, to know they could be seen together in public with no thought given to it…..

 

Apparently, someone from Towers had leaked somehow that he and Yohji were now roommates, or at least that Yohji was over frequently, and Ran went with it, before he could talk himself out of it:

 

He’d had to address a press conference about the “engagement” to Miko and the announced wedding date when a reporter from a music rag had asked about his friendship with the hot newly noticed singer. Trying to make herself seem more knowledgeable than she was, the girl had mentioned what a contrast the recent months had been for the notorious loner Ran, what a change from his prior habits. Developing a close friendship with Yohji; having him staying for extended periods, and now this public announcement of an engagement…… Before Ran quite knew what he was saying he’d said that yes, he and Yohji _were_ roommates, had been now for a few months. He played up that they’d met during the Krittiker competition that had resulted in Mercury signing with Krittiker, and after learning about some shared interests had become fast friends. Given WEISS’s recent success and Yohji’s recently announced forthcoming tour dates; well, Yohji’d just elected not to renew his apartment lease and was a sometime roommate with Ran or the other bandmates when they were in town.

 

And this was true, except for the “other bandmates” part. Since WEISS had grown some, the others had branched out a bit. Ken and Omi, already best friends, had finally announced to their friends that it was more – not that everyone didn’t already know that, but at least they’d finally admitted it. Anyway, they’d wanted to get a place, solo, for a while. Omi was doing pretty well, financially, with some of his web based design and such, apart from WEISS, and they’d moved into their own small place in October. They only signed a six month lease, in case things with WEISS went as Omi hoped, but since they’d gone Yohji and Jei had elected not to renew the lease on the condo they’d shared for so long when it came due in November.

 

Yohji’d pretty much moved in with Ran anyway after the Masque at Halloween. And now, with the upcoming marriage, Ran did not want anything of _his_ to belong to Miko. Persia had bought the house, “for them” so Ran transferred the deed of the apartment into Yohji’s name, as he’d said when this mess started. This way, _their_ place would remain theirs when he finally found the way get out of the marriage. She would have no part of it. This place would remain his haven, even more so now, as in a scant few weeks he would be married.

 

Jei ended up becoming roommates with Schu for now, reluctant to sign a new lease with the way things were going, and how the guys _hoped_ they _would_ go. He and Schu got along great and this way if they did travel a lot, he didn’t have to worry about things.

 

So, for now, Ran and Yohji being best friends / roommates meant when Yohji was in town they could be seen together and Persia could do nothing about it. But, in the end, between Mamaru, Miko and WEISS, what everything boiled down to was time together grew more and more scarce. Ran and Yohji kept in contact via email, online messages, calls, texts…. Ran did his damndest to make certain when Yohji was in town they had at least one full 24 hour period together unless he himself was out of town. Of course Miko wouldn’t protest them having some time together, male bonding and all, a guy needed to have some time to hang with friends, right? Right.

 

They talked and emailed constantly, but with Persia’s hovering and Miko, well Ran just couldn’t take a weekend and follow WEISS, no matter what he would have liked. Even if his schedule _could_ have allowed for it, and it didn’t, there was Miko…..

 

Persia sputtered and grumbled but really couldn’t say anything. With the new “friendship” cover the press didn’t care when they were seen together, so – no scandal…… if everything didn’t suck as much as it did, Ran would have gloated, crowed, smirked so much his face hurt. Instead, he just ignored Persia’s mutters and concentrated on not glaring (much) or losing his cool. He had to keep it together for Aya…..had to get through this …. this nightmare, somehow.

 

What worried Ran the most, more than the time apart even, was that as the details of the upcoming wedding made more news, and the day grew close, Yohji grew ….apart - distant, quiet. Although he’d sworn from the outset, and still did, that he would fight for, and stay with, Ran; no matter in what capacity; he still saw things now as…. tainted, marred. Ran had to admit, it affected him too. To _know_ that before the vows were drafted / spoken, that he would betray Miko at any given opportunity, even as he got to know her, encouraged her to care for him.... yes, it put a shadow on his soul, a poison of darkness that Yohji’s light was hard pressed to dispel given how it had grown dimmer under the same pall. And Ran feared the poison was growing, becoming more potent, more vile, spreading to infect their time together more often, and _all_ their time apart.....

 

 

They both did their best to make the time they had together now as memorable as possible, to tide them through the tough spots. Memories to sustain the light.....

 

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Yohji was adamant, when WEISS signed the deal, about two specific dates. Those were February 15th, Ran’s birthday, and March 28th, the wedding day. Yohji got it, in writing, that WEISS would be off duty February 15th, and even if they were booked the and the 16th they would be close by, if not _in_ New York; and he also made damn certain that WEISS would NOT be in New York on the wedding day. Provided they were still in contract and the world hadn’t ended, WEISS would be booked that whole weekend. NO WAY was he getting roped into attending that ceremony. If he had his way they’d be performing some all night marathon gig that day well into the night and he’d sleep completely through the day after….. Last Yohji’d heard Omi was working on some battle of the bands thing down in Florida for Spring Break. Looked like WEISS would be there for maybe two weeks and that sounded just perfect to him.

 

But, today, well today was Ran’s birthday. It certainly was not going to be the blessed day they’d enjoyed together for Yohji’s birthday back at the beginning of their time together, not with this cloud hanging over them, but it remained special. It just made Yohji that much more determined to make this day as wonderful as he could for Ran – damned if he was gonna let Persia fuck Ran’s birthday more than he already had – as he’d done for Ran’s whole damn life....

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran stood in the sidelines watching Mamaru wrap up his Letterman appearance, impatiently waiting for the wrap up. He’d made certain he had only the one late morning appearance today and had scheduled the remainder of the day off. Yohji had come home very late last night (or very early this morning – perspective….) from the party WEISS had performed for Valentine’s Day, and while the lovemaking was sweet, it was very short… Ran hadn’t had the heart to wake Yohji this morning when he left for work; he’d left Yohji snuggled into the warm blankets, promising himself that by letting Yohji sleep in he was only ensuring more stamina this evening….. Ran adjusted himself, briefly, as he imagined putting Yohji’s stamina to use, and growled low in his throat as the crowd pushed for, and got, one more song….

 

Finally, the show was wrapped, taping over, and he could hustle Mamaru out of the studio. He’d arranged Mamaru to be in the Krittiker recording studio the rest of today and all of tomorrow, wrapping the album. Ran did not have to be there for this. It was mixing and touch ups and his sound crew were perfectly able to address this without him. He put Mamaru in the car, admonished him to _get the damn thing wrapped up_ , and turned to hail his own cab. He texted Tina he was out for the rest of the day and turned his phone off. The rest of this day was his. His and Yohji’s.

 

 

Ran made his way down the hallway toward the apartment door, shaking and brushing off the cold and spatters of snow from his jacket. He’d forced himself to think of only good warm thoughts of Yohji during the cab ride; determined to have a pleasant afternoon and evening.

 

Yohji had to leave again in the morning, and would be gone for at least a week, possibly longer. Ran was going to make as much of these hours as possible. He ran a hand through his hair quickly to straighten , and pulled his eartails down straight along his face. He chuckled a bit as he recalled when he’d considered cutting them over the holidays, maybe going with a more conventional style after his trip to London, but Yohji had vehemently argued against it. His “kisshooks” he called them, “love handles” and Ran was expressly told not to dare cut them off.

 

Ran smiled at the memory of that discussion, and the night that followed, as he entered the apartment. He was beset by the very pleasant aroma of warm strawberries and chocolate permeating the air, and the strains of Sinatra’s “When You’re Smiling” floating through the room. Just as he removed his coat, Yohji came around the corner from the kitchen, a tray of something delicious in one hand and an ice bucket with champagne in the other. He stopped for a bare moment then smiled, “Hey Angel. Happy Birthday.”

 

He put the tray and bucket down on the coffee table and approached Ran, taking him into his arms. Yohji kissed the side of Ran’s head and rubbed his cheek against Ran’s hair. “And happy Valentine’s Lover. Ready to let me spoil you?” he pulled back a bit, took Ran’s eartails in his hands and pulled Ran in for a soft, sweet, lingering kiss, which quickly grew into more; hungry, deep... Yohji moaned as Ran’s hands trailed up his back and over his shoulders to entwine into his honey locks.

 

Pulling Yohji in closer Ran pressed their bodies tightly together. Ran succumbed immediately to Yohji’s questing tongue; melting into Yohji, his own tongue caressing Yohji’s but not fighting for dominance, content to surrender. Ran exhaled softly as Yohji slowly pulled back, “mmm. Yummy.” Yohji breathed, shuddering softly against Ran, he breathed into ran’s neck. “I’ve missed you Angel. A lot. So much. He took a deep breath and went on, taking one of Ran’s hands into his own, “before I lose my mind, let me get your present,” He led Ran to the sofa. “Sit Angel. You’re all frost-bitten. I have warm cocoa in the kitchen. Wait here.” He pressed a strawberry tart into Ran’s hand and went to the kitchen.

 

Ran glanced around the apartment, taking in the candles burning everywhere, as he took a bite of the warm, flaky tart. Mmmm, his favorite. He almost moaned at the delicious crust and glaze that melted into his mouth. The tart was warm, Yohji’d apparently just taken it from the oven, and Ran recognized the imprint in the crust; Yohji’d gone to Ran’s favorite bakery, all the way down in Jersey to get these. Yohji must have set his alarm to go off almost as soon as Ran’d left if he’d had time to get to Carlos’ and back here to set up everything.

 

Ran reached over to his coat, draped over the back of the chair nearby, and he reached into the inside pocket, gently removing an envelope and setting it on the coffee table near the champagne bucket. Yohji was so determined to make this day special. Knowing how Yohji hated the cold, for him to have braved the early morning slush just to drive down to Carlos even though there was a bakery nearby that carried Strawberry tarts; to go so far out of his way just to get these specific tarts just because Ran preferred them…. And all the candles, scented cinnamon and strawberry – it just gave the apartment a warm, home, feeling; especially with the warm baked aroma of the tarts and the softer scent of the cocoa….

 

Ran was shaken from his musings as Yohji returned with two steaming cups of cocoa, a red bag dangling from one wrist. Yohji sat everything on the table then held one mug up to Ran. “here Angel. Just the way you like it.”

 

Ran smiled at the bobbing mini marshmallows and took a sip. “perfect Nissho” he said, then took a small bite of his pastry.

 

Yohji watched as Ran sipped his cocoa and finished his tart, eyes drifting back to the gift bag several times. He knew Ran was bursting to open the gift, a little trait Yohji’d discovered about Ran during the holidays. Denied the childhood excitement of opening presents, when the man learned a gift was for him he became almost childlike in his excitement. But, at the same time, there was training instilled lifelong by a bastard father never, ever to ask for something he wanted. Ran was eager to open the gift, but he would wait for Yohji to profer it, to acknowledge it, and Yohji was determined to erase that trait.

 

He grinned a sly grin as he watched Ran once more glance at the bag. He leaned over, pouting now “Aww, Ran, aren’t you gonna open your present? Don’t you wanna know what it is? You don’t’ seem too excited.”

 

Ran’s eyes widened briefly before he settled on a mock glare, “Yohji you brat, you know I want to open it, and you know I wouldn’t ask. Hmph!” he took a short breath, glared a moment longer, then smiled. That open, happy, childlike smile that Yohji just KNEW was his alone, and snatched the bag up. “What is it Yohji? What did you get me?” he asked eyes wide, sparking.

“well, angel, only one way to find out.” Yohji drawled. “guess you’re gonna have to open it.” He smiled a warm, loving smile, holding Ran’s eyes before deliberately letting his eyes drop to the bag in Ran’s lap. “go on, Babe, open it up so you can “Thank me”, the rest of the day.”

 

Ran grinned, a flash of desire darkening his eyes, and dropped his gaze to the bag. He lifted out some of the tissue wrap stuffed in the top. “this is part one Angel.” Yohji said as he sat back, “Birthday surprise Part two is in the kitchen.”

 

Ran stopped pulling out tissue, and gently sat the last few sheets back into the bag. “Ran?” Yohji asked, frowning “what are you doing?”

 

Ran sat the bag back on the table and smiled at Yohji. “Wait Nissho, before we jump straight to celebrate my birthday, you’ve forgotten something.”

 

Yohji’s forehead wrinkled adorably as he tilted his head, confused. “huh?” he asked, “What did I forget?”

 

Ran leaned in and kissed Yohji lightly, relishing the flavor of cocoa and Yohji – delicious. He sat back and trailed a finger down Yohji’s jaw. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Lover.” Ran husked and Yohji’s eyes widened as Ran leaned in for another kiss, dragging Yohji’s bottom lip between his teeth as he finally sat back.

 

Ran leaned over slightly, lifting the envelope from the table and holding it out to Yohji. He let some of the anger at their situation flash in his eyes, for just a moment; some of the frustration, the pain, the sadness… it flashed through his eyes, just briefly, before he bowed his head, letting his eartails fall forward to hide his face. Ran gazed down at the envelope between his hands, then raised his eyes back to Yohji’s. Love shown brightly in their depths, the timbre filling his voice as he spoke “As much as I enjoyed our call last night, and our time when you came home last night….. I missed YOU Yohji, and…. I’m” he swallowed and closed his eyes, “I’m sorry. Sorry that I couldn’t travel up coast to be with you during the day yesterday, couldn’t be at the party last night. Sorry that I wasn’t in the audience, cheering for you, as I should have been. That I had to be with-“

 

He was cut off as Yohji’s warm fingers pressed against his lips. “Stop Ran.” Yohji’s quiet voice interrupted. “I know. I missed you too.” He smiled, a small, sad smile “I admit, know **why** I missed you made it …. worse. But, I **don’t** want to talk about **her** Ran. Not today. Well, not ever, really, but most especially - not - today. Drop it” a hard edge crept into Yohji’s voice, just for a second, but it was a sharp edge, razor fine, and Ran felt the slice of it against his heart,

 

Ran closed his eyes again, cleared his throat, and deliberately smiled as he sat up and held out the envelope. “well, we’re together now, so… Happy Valentine’s Day, Lover.” He shook the envelope at Yohji, who also pulled up a smile. Forced maybe, small, but still…. a smile, so important.

 

After a moment, a twinkle entered his eyes “hmmm, what have you been up to, Ran?” he reached and took the envelope, then looked down to slip a finger under the edge. He opened the envelope and pulled out a folded page of paper, similar to the one he’d received on his birthday way back when. Hand made paper, bits of rose petals and leaves embedded… He unfolded the page and across the top, painstakenly drawn out in calligraphy, was the kanji for his name and for Nisso, with the English spellings underneath, and below that:

 

MY YOHJI, MY LOVER, MY LIFE

 

There followed a beautifully drafted, in that same painstakenly drawn, elegant calligraphy:

 

MY YOHJI

 

I am **Y** ours. You **O** wn my soul, my **H** eart. You’ve brought **J** oy into my life, and are **I** nside my very being.

 

MY LOVER

 

You’ve shown me, taught me, give me so much. I burn for you, am overtaken completely at times, with hot desire – **L** ust fills me, **O** verwhelming my senses, flooding me with memories of you, your lessons, of being wrapped in your **V** elvet heat; of the delicious feeling of your hard, hot, length **E** ntering me, filling me, branding me. Dreams of **R** iding you, or being ridden by you, leave me gasping, aching, needing, in ways never imagined.

 

MY LIFE

 

I need you, Yohji. My **L** over; need you beside me, supporting me, holding me, loving me… as my mate;

 

I need you **I** nside me, inside my soul, inside my heart, inside my body, touching me, loving me,

bringing me to heights unknown…. As my lover.

 

I need you Nissho, the hear me, to listen to me, to care, to lift me up, to advise me and guide me…. As my **F** riend

 

I need you Yohji, as my **E** verything

 

Yohji sat, stunned, quiet, as he read Ran’s declaration of love. He looked up to see Ran watching him, solemn, but eyes full of love. “Ran, I” Yohji swallowed, “damn Ran. This.. this is…” he took a deep breath, and reverently laid the page on the table. He dropped the envelope to his lap, and cupped Ran’s face between both hands. “I am your mate Ran, no matter what happens, where this nightmare takes us, this life and any that follow – you are mine and I am yours. I am your lover. I live for exploring you Ran, and there remains much to learn. I am your friend. I am honored that you let me be so. Always Ran, always tell me what you’re thinking, feeling, wanting. And you, **you** are **my** everything, so… well, I guess it’s only fair that I be yours too.”

 

With that he leaned in for a soft, kiss, lips only, open, swopping back in for more, breath increasing, hands starting to squeeze tighter, he finally forced himself to pull back before it could escalate more, determined to get to see Ran open that damn gift..... he’d waited forever to see him open it and was not going to be distracted until he got to see Ran’s face.

 

He took a deep breath, and reached down to take the envelope back into his hands. The weight of the envelope was such that he knew there was more inside, and he was curious. Ran watched, concerned, but excited – Yohji couldn’t get over how excited Ran was to give gifts.

Sometimes, watching him, it was almost like he got more joy from seeing someone open a gift he’d chosen and like it, than to open his own package. Yohji pulled out two envelopes from inside the bigger one. One letter length and a little thick, the other about 5x7 and padded, like bubble wrap. He opened the thick, long envelope first. Ah, a “coupon book” like Ran’d given him at Christmas. But, this one was…. slightly different. It was purple for one thing, and had “LOVE NOTES” blazoned across the cover in bright red letters, with pink and white hearts and X’s and O’s all over it. Yohji smirked up at Ran and was delighted with the light blush that covered his face.

 

Yohji grinned as he imagined Ran braving some lover’s store to buy this for him, blushing for certain as he stoically paid for it…. Yohji flipped through the book, just as a cursory glance before setting it aside, catching a phrase here and there “breakfast in bed” … “one free massage” …. “candlelit dinner” but then, he stopped suddenly and went back to the back of the book, what was that he’d seen?

 

In the back were blank notes for hand written sentiments “Cash this love note for: ________” the one that caught his eye was hand drawn in bright red ink on a lavender background: “Cash this love note for: **some hot…wet…hard…suction** ”

 

Yohji’s eyes flew open wide as they snapped up to Ran’s face. Ran sat there, blushing furiously but eyes twinkling as he ran his tongue over his bottom lip then took that lip between his teeth as Yohji sat there, dazed, cock throbbing. Ran smiled, and in a sultry, deep purr told Yohji, “there are more”

 

Yohji’s eyes snapped back to the book and he shuddered as he turned the page with a shaking hand. Another hand written coupon followed: “Cash this love note for: **one good, hard fuck; giving or receiving, or both - your choice”** Yohji growled as he slammed the book closed.

 

“but Yohji” Ran purred, “there are two more back there.”

 

“yeah,” Yohji rasped, then swallowed, “I bet there are” he took a deep, shivering breath and raised his deep, desire darkened green eyes to Ran’s own smoldering violet, also darkened with desire. He loved the smile of delight, almost impish, on Ran’s face. He chuckled a moment as he imagined Ran sitting here, thinking up dirty talk, just for him. The image made his cock jump and he dropped the booklet and the remaining, unopened envelope, onto the table with one hand as he reached to cup the back of Ran’s neck with the other and pulled him in for a deep, openmouthed, tongues battling, passionate kiss.. “Ran” he moaned, deep from within “Angel. I wanna cash one now… right now””

 

Ran moaned as well and yielded completely to Yohji’s kiss. He ran hands up Yohji’s arms, around his neck and pulled himself closer. Sliding around, Ran came to his knees in front of Yohji. Ran peeled back and looked coyly up at Yohji’s stunned face.

  
“Oh? Really Yohji? Right now? Hmm… I wonder, which one? Maybe… the first one?” He ran his hand down Yohji’s shoulder, across his chest, over those beautiful abs, and slid his fingers behind the waistband of Yohji’s drawstring pants to lightly tease the head of his very full, very swollen, very sensitive cock. Which was pointing straight up a t full attention, eager for Ran’s touch.

 

“Oh? Really Yohji? Right now? Hmm… I wonder, which one? Maybe… the first one?” He ran his hand down Yohji’s shoulder, across his chest, over those beautiful abs, and slid his fingers behind the waistband of Yohji’s drawstring pants to lightly tease the head of his very full, very swollen, very sensitive cock. Which was pointing straight up a t full attention, eager for Ran’s touch.

“oh yes Yohji” Ran breathed as he leaned down to blow a hot breath across the outline of Yohji’s length through his sweats. Ran pulled the drawstring and stretched the waist of the pants carefully down to let that hardness spring free and slap back against Yohji’s belly. ‘Yes Yohji” Ran growled. Then he swiftly leaned down to engulf Yohji into his mouth; plunging down to the root to inhale Yohji’s musky, spicy scent at the base, nuzzling the curls there. He felt Yohji’s fingers twist in his hair and immediately began to suck in earnest, hard, deep suction.

Ran bobbed his head, letting saliva run down Yohji’s shaft, wetting his cock. Letting the slurping noises and his own moans fill the air as Yohji gasped and hissed “oh fuck! Ran!” and dropped his head back against the sofa. Ran pushed the waistband lower and cupped Yohji’s sac in his palm, squeezing lightly, tumbling them in his fingers. He moaned again, deeply, deliberately, and was rewarded by Yohji’s whined growl, “Ran, Ran I’m.. I’m gonna ..”

Ran sucked harder, bobbed faster, squeezed tighter, and reached his other hand to entwine with Yohji’s hand on the sofa cushion. He squeezed that hand in a death grip. Then, he swallowed around Yohji’s cock, swirled his tongue around the head and into the slit, just like Yohji liked it, just as he reached the long finger of his hand fondling Yohji’s sac back to press on the area behind and Yohji _snapped_ , curled inward with a strangled curse “Shit! Ran!” and exploded into Ran’s throat.

Ran hummed around Yohji and drank his eruption, swallowing quickly, suckling, swirling his tongue. He eased the pressure slowly, nuzzling into Yohji’s curls again until Yohji uncurled, panting, and fell back, arms limp, “Damn Ran.” He panted, “That was-“ Ran nuzzled briefly again a moment, then eased up, gently tucking Yohji back into his pants, As he sat upright he breathed, “You smell so good there Yohji, I love to nuzzle you, taste you” he nuzzled for a short moment again against Yohji’s pants then sat back on his heels. “love you Valentine” He sat back up onto the sofa, and snuggled into Yohji’s arms.

They sat there for a bit as Yohji calmed, then he slid his hand down from Ran’s shoulder, intending to return the favor. Ran’s softly placed hand halted his progress, “wait Nissho. First,” he stretched a bit and grabbed the padded envelope from the table, “you haven’t opened this one yet.” He leaned in to pat Yohji gently on one cheek, then sat upright, and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. As he settled his eyes widened with mock horror “Oh! Yohji” Ran gasped, and Yohji thrilled to the impish, playful look in Ran’s eyes, “I’m sorry” Ran mock pouted, “I guess I didn’t let you say for sure which coupon you wanted to cash in.” he huffed a breath as Yohji watched, slightly bemused but happy, “oh well. Guess that was a freebie, a ….. sample. You can cash in later.” Ran smiled, and nudged Yohji’s arm, “go on Nissho,” he whispered, “open it, be my Valentine.”

Yohji brought himself under control and sat up straighter. He flashed a fierce, loving grin, then looked down and eased the flap open on the envelope. He slid the contents out, then sat there, a little stunned as he took in what he held.

Ran had given him two gift cards, one for his favorite leather shop and one for credit for his e-reader. Yohji liked to have something to read when stuck at airports or on long rides, and much to his surprise had fallen in love with his e-reader Ran had given him for Christmas…..

But, what stunned Yohji was the photographs in the envelope with the gift cards. There was a five by seven picture of him and Ran together, both laughing, taken at Schu’s at Thanksgiving in the kitchen. Ran was laughing, leaning against a Giants jersey clad Yohji, Yohji’s arm around his shoulder, Ran’s head back as he laughed up at Yohji. Yohji was laughing too as he looked back at a Ran with flour on his nose and in his hair, apron tied about his sweater clad form. Schu must have snapped it without anyone knowing he was there. Both were utterly relaxed, happy. There was a wallet size printout too.

Yohji’s hands trembled as he lifted the smaller photo and looked up at Ran’s intense gaze. “Ran” he whispered, “It’s beautiful.” Yohji took out his wallet and as he slid the photo into place he asked, “I haven’t seen this photo before. When did you get it?”

Ran smiled. “you know Schuldig. He takes pictures constantly but never downloads the cards. I guess last week he found all his cards full and had to download. I had told himI wasn’t completely happy with your V-day gifts and when he saw this he thought it was the icing on the cake.” Ran looked at Yohji, smiled a soft smile and told him “I have it in my wallet too Yohji.”

Yohji started, and would have questioned, but Ran went on swiftly, “ _WE_ see the love there Yohji, but someone who doesn’t know us will only see two close friends laughing together over a kitchen mishap. And, with the cover I’ve laid down, I can have a friend, you.”

Yohji nodded slowly, “Yeah, I guess so, huh?... It’s perfect Ran, beautiful. I love it, and you. My smile, My Angel” He leaned in, traced one side of Ran’s face and tugged on an eartail, for a quick kiss. “okay Angel. Your turn. Open that present, now.”

Ran’s eyes lit up and he smiled. He pulled the bag into his lap and began to lift the tissue wrap out. He reached into the bag, pulling out a carved wooden box and a flat, somewhat rectangular package wrapped separately. He sat the wrapped gift aside and lifted the wooden box. It was light wood, bamboo or something similar, and was carved/burned with the Kanji character for “PEACE” over a sunset scene; the sun sat behind a mountain overlooking a river bank where a crane stood seeming to gaze up at the sky, with orchids peeking from among the reeds lining the bank. A glittering gold fish swan near the bank, the goldleaf inlay catching the candlelight “Oh Yohji.” Ran breathed. “It’s beautiful Nissho”

Yohji chuckled, “Open it Ran. There’s more than the box. Look inside.”

Ran lightly traced a finger along the carved letters, then lifted the latch and opened the lid. Inside was a set of pencils and pens of various gauges, a high quality gum eraser and zacto knife, and a selection of pastels and charcoals in a clear box lining one side of the box.

Ran took in the selection and looked up again at Yohji, eyes wide. “Yohji…. I….”

“well, I figured you needed a way to escape, to relax, to find some peace, and NOT to bury yourself in work or wear yourself out with your kendo. I know how much you love your art. It’s time you took it back. Persia has taken enough from you. I’m giving this back. This is something you can lose yourself in when you’re stressed. Sketching is easier than painting, and it’s portable. The case will fit in your briefcase, with the sketchpad. I checked.”

“Oh Yohji. It’s perfect, wonderful. I haven’t sketched in so long…. This is so wonderful.” He breathed. He tore the wrap off the sketchpad, “You have to let me draw you Yohji.”

Yohji smiled, “Anytime Angel. I can’t wait to see that book filled with whatever you can think of.” He leaned forward and took the book and case from Ran, sitting them on the table. “there’s a full refill set for the case in the bedroom closet. Now,” he stood and pulled Ran up with him. “There’s part two in the kitchen. Come on” Looking down into Ran’s eyes, he smiled, “I can’t wait to see your face Babe. Can’t wait another minute. Let’s go.”

He leaned in for a soft kiss, and stood back, “right now” he whispered, but didn’t make any further move to walk away as Ran followed the kiss, capturing Yohji’s mouth with his own. Deep, hungry, Ran’s arousal reawakend, Ran growled, low, deep, “I want you Yohji.” He pulled Yohji in again for another kiss, biting into Yohji’s bottom lip, then trailed down his jaw and neck and growled again as he traced back up the other side of Yohji’s neck and nibbled an earlobe, “I want YOU as my present Yohji. Give me what I want.” Ran deliberately rubbed himself against Yohji, tongue darting into Yohji’s ear as he traced with his tongue, Ran breathed, moaned, breath ragged “Yohji, I want you. Now.”

Yohji’s heartbeat was pounding against Ran’s chest as they were pressed so closely together, and Yohji’s own breathing had grown ragged, he was trembling as he moaned, ‘Yes Ran, yes. Ok – I give you me. Take me then”

‘I will” Ran growled forcefully and pulled Yohji in for a fierce, hard kiss, hands tight on Yohji’s biceps, he leaned back. “Now Yohji. I’m going to take you now. My present.” He pulled Yohji’s shirt off quickly and tossed it aside, “gotta unwrap you first,” Ran panted, then pulled on the drawstring on Yohji’s pants, loosening them. He reached in to grasp Yohji’s hot, hard cock and squeezed.

Yohji moaned again, eyes rolling back as he let his head fall back and held onto Ran’s arms tightly. Ran suddenly swooped down and took Yohji up into his arms, “Mine” he whispered as he carried Yohji to the bedroom. He smiled at Yohji’s wide eyes at being picked up this way. “I want to play with my present, right now” Ran laid Yohji down on the bed, peeling his pants away as he stepped back, taking in the beautiful sight that lay before him. “There, all unwrapped.”

Ran stood there a moment taking in Yohji’s vision, bronzed skin, even in New York’s harsh winter. Not as deeply bronzed as during summer, but still golden. Hard, lithe muscle, taut over that well developed frame, long, tone legs, halo of honey gold hair, bright beautiful, deep green eyes, and of course that perfect cock arising from the nest of golden curls…. , Adonis, his own sun god “oh Nissho, I must draw you, capture this, your warmth, your light. You are so… incredible.”

Yohji watched his lover as he stood there watching him. Yohji lay naked and stretched out on the bed. Ran leaned in over Yohji and brought Yohji’s arms above his head, toward the headboard. Holding them there, he leaned in, “Yohji” he breathed, “I …. I want to try something. Can I? Tell me I can Yohji, please” Ran’s voice was hoarse as he suddenly found his throat dry at what he wanted to ask. What he wanted to do….

“anything Ran, I’m your present, it’s your birthday, you can do whatever you want with me.” Yohji answered, then as he caught site of _something_ in Ran’s eyes, he stilled a moment, making certain Ran focused on him “I trust you Ran. I love you. I’m yours.”

A shudder wracked through Ran’s body, and his hands shook as he opened the bedside table drawer. He reached, far into the back, and Yohji’s eyes widened as he realized what Ran was searching for, what he had not realized Ran knew was there….

Ran sat back up, tracing the leather cuffs in his hands softly. He raised uncertain but lust filled eyes to Yohji’s own. “I wont hurt you Yohji, I swear. NO pain, but…” he licked his lips and his breath hitched, “I…. I saw these Yohji, one day, looking for something, and” he swallowed and shuddered again, “Yohji” he growled, “I want… I want to ….”

“Ran. It’s ok.” Yohji spoke quietly, calmly, though he felt anything but calm. For Ran to want to take initiative in itself was a rare treat, for him to want _this._ Yohji was panting himself, hard enough to hurt. “I trust you Ran. Cuff me, own me.”

Ran’s eyes smoldered as he reached for Yohji’s arm. “I will own you Yohji. My Yohji. I want to make you cry my name Yohji, beg me to take you….. I want….” He swallowed, then stopped talking and secured the other arm. He removed his tie and as he stood to make his way to the foot of the bed he grabbed another from the tie rack.

Ran stepped back to again admire the vision lain out before him. Yohji’s hands were tied above his head in soft leather cuffs, and his legs spread and tied by the ankles to the bedposts with Ran’s neckties. Small pillows were situated under Yohji's back and head to allow him a perfect view of Ran as he stood there.

Ran undressed slowly as he watched Yohji. Yohji writhed, just a bit, and his cock jumped when Ran took his own cock into his hand as he stood there. Ran's hand teased, slow, languid strokes as he tried to take the edge off his passion before he touched Yohji.

Just the view of Ran pleasing himself as low moans dripped from his lips, sounds Yohji was sure Ran did not realize he was making, made the blood rush to Yohji's groin. Yohji wanted to lick suddenly dry lips. He wanted to taste, touch and pleasure that creamy pale body. He wanted to cause those moans deliciously falling from soft pink lips with his hands, his lips, and his cock. His cock twitched, hard and untouched, begging for the slightest affection. Small drops of precum oozed out Yohji's slit leaving a tiny pool on his lower stomach. _I'm gonna cum just from watching him._ A soft whimper escaped Yohji's mouth.

Yohji heard a hiss issue from Ran as he stroked and pulled, and one hand reached down to cup his tightening sac. Yohji had learned from previous experiences how sensitive the soft spot just behind Ran’s balls was and how responsive Ran could be when it was lovingly touched. Yohji's eyes widened as Ran's hand drifted further. The other hand wrapping at the base and deftly tugging upward, increased the pace, just slightly. Yohji knew the feel of those hands, soft but slightly calloused from his kendo.

Yohji felt the heat building in his groin. He closed his eyes trying to will away the coiling sensation. His erection bobbed gently with every erratic breath he took. Yohji was startled out of his concentration by the sudden dip on his left but he refused to open his eyes. He felt the subtle pressure of Ran straddling his chest, his hot skin caressing his sides. Yohji felt roughened fingertips stroking his jaw and lower lip, felt soft tangy flesh brushing against his lips.

Yohji immediately knew what it was. He knew Ran's cock by smell and taste alone. He didn't have to see it to know that it was there, daring him to take in that silky head and taste his lover. Yohji slid his tongue across dry lips before quickly lapping at the hardened flesh. Eyes still closed, he heard the low growl emanating from above as his tongue glided over the dripping slit. The sheer taste of Ran's essence was maddening. Yohji dove in, trying to take Ran in his mouth with his limited amount of freedom. He whimpered around the meaty head when he could not get more into to his mouth. Yohji slowly opened his eyes pleading into the passion filled violet orbs of his love. Ran leaned forward on his knees bracing his hands above Yohji's head, gripping the headboard. A moan of pure pleasure escaped Ran's lips as Yohji greedily inhaled his cock down his throat.

Yohji was in heaven. The taste of his lover was a delicacy that he could never tire of. Yohji bobbed his head rhythmically taking in as much as their awkward position would allow. Yohji wanted Ran to cum. He wanted to drink and savor the bittersweet nectar that he had been denied these past days while away from home.

Ten days and no Ran nearly drove Yohji mad with want and desire. Last night’s quick reunion had not been enough. Too short and too tired to truly enjoy each other, it had been renewal to touch each other again, but not enough. They truly had been apart for far too much lately. This…. This was… so much more than Yohji’d anticipated today….

The feel of Ran's member slowly slipping out of his mouth brought Yohji back. A soft whimper escaped his throat as Ran resettled himself sitting on Yohji's chest. The hot skin of Ran’s thighs brushed against his sides as Ran ground his hips on his stomach. Yohji began to protest until deft fingers silenced him pressing against his bottom lip questioning for entrance into his mouth. Yohji quickly complied.

Ran moaned as Yohji sucked his finger into his mouth. Ran stretched his body out over Yohji’s and rubbed their cocks together thrusting his hips against Yohji almost impatiently.

Yohji released Ran's finger, and rasped, “please Ran” breathless. Ran stretched reached into the drawer again for the lube. Ran took his time preparing Yohji, bringing him close to the edge, then backing off to gather himself, leaving Yohji panting, writhing, until finally Yohji could withstand no more. “Ran!” he cried out “please Ran, no more. Inside Ran, or finish me, please” by the last Yohji was pleading.

Ran positioned himself between Yohji's legs and quickly pulled at the tie holding one of his legs to the bed lifting it onto his shoulder as he slowly eased his fingers again into a tight and welcoming heat. When the tense ring of muscle began to relax again under his ministrations and Yohji arched at the need to receive, Ran plunged his fingers into Yohji's body scissoring them. He pushed deeper until he pressed up against that soft bundle of nerves. Yohji's eyes widened as he cried out. The sensation was far from unwelcomed as he rocked his hips against Ran's fingers trying to initiate more contact with his sweet spot. He was so close! A small groan escaped Yohji's lips as Ran's fingers slipped out of him but was soon replaced with tip of a rock hard shaft.

Ran teased Yohji's opening pressing the tip of his erection against the puckered entrance applying slight pressure but not enough to pierce the trembling flesh. With a growl of frustration, Yohji slammed his hips down stabbing his body onto Ran. Both men cried out from the shock and heat of the sudden penetration.

Yohji was the first to recover squeezing his muscles to signal Ran that he was ready. Ran began a rhythm that was more than familiar, almost instinctual. Yohji steadily matched his thrust trying to hit the spot deep inside. Their pace soon increased. Ran with an almost wild abandon thrust into Yohji's tight and encompassing heat. “Yohji” he growled over and over, “Yohji.”

Ran stretched his body, bending almost double as he reached behind him to release Yohji's other ankle without leaving that tight sheath. Ran raised Yohji's legs, pressing them against his chest and lifting his hips off of the bed. At the new angle Ran plunged into Yohji. A mangled cry rent the air as Yohji abandoned all thought, “Ran!”. With every stab of Ran's cock Yohji cried out as his body was overloaded with sensations.

Ran leaned over nuzzling Yohji's neck then trailed down to the juncture of where collarbone and neck met as he continued to thrust. First he nibbled at the small patch of skin sucking and licking never faltering in his pace. Yohji hissed in a breath as lips turned into teeth. The sharp pain from the bite fused with the pleasure now pooling in his groin.

Ran's tongue lapped at the small trickle of blood that now marked his lover. Yohji was his body and soul. He wanted to own Yohji, to bring Yohji inside of himself somehow, to leave a part of himself inside Yohji. Ran slowly pushed up, his rhythm wavering only slightly as he scraped the fingernails of one hand softly down Yohji's chest leaving faint red lines from breast bone to navel. Ran wrapped his hand around Yohji's cock and began to pump vigorously in time with his own thrusts. “cum for me Yohji. Give it to me”

Yohji was already close to the edge after Ran marked him with his teeth, a dominating Ran igniting a hot, burning fire inside him, but now as those loving, familiar fingers pumped his cock he was barely teetering on the verge of overload. Once Ran's momentum and force were reestablished Yohji's fragile hold slipped. When Ran demanded his surrender, Yohji lost all hope of control. Yohji's body arched of the bed as his climax obliterated his sight. A harsh cry was pulled from him, “Ran! Ungh! Ahhh!”

Ran's orgasm was torn from him as Yohji's muscles clamped down almost painfully. He came embedded deeply within Yohji. Crying out, “Yohji!” He barely registered Yohji's body sinking almost boneless into the mattress. Ran soon followed collapsing onto Yohji's chest his breathing harsh trying to find a steady rhythm.

He reached up, taking two tries to release the cuff closest to him, and was pleased when he realized Yohji was releasing the other. Ran caressed every inch of skin he could reach as he told Yohji, “I love you Yohji, thank you. Thank you for you, for trusting me.”

Yohji brought his arms down to wrap around Ran, holding him tightly to him, back to chest. “I love you Ran. You already had me. And this? Oh baby, this we are going to try again, both sides, for certain. For now, rest Angel. A short rest, then we finish your birthday.”

“yes Yohji” Ran mumbled as he succumbed to the pull of sleep. “don’t let go” he whispered as he fell over the ede.

“I won’t Ran. Ever” Yohji vowed as he followed Ran into oblivion.

Ran stirred, rousing to the humming in his ear to the tune of “happy birthday” and the caressing touch over his neck and shoulders. He smiled and made a purring noise deep in his throat as he pressed himself back against that warm silken skin against his back.

“happy birthday Angel.” Yohji husked in his ear. “ready for your other present now?”

“Oh, I don’t know” Ran hummed. “I’m enjoying this one an awful lot.” He turned to smile up at Yohji, a sleepy eyed, open smile that made Yohji’s heart flip over.

“oh me too Baby. Me too. You have NO idea.” Yohji whispered as he leaned down to claim Ran’s lips. “And we will definitely explore this gift some more, but for NOW,” he leaned in for a quick peck on Ran’s nose then pulled back, “I have waited as long as I can. I wanna give you the other part of your present. I have been very patient, I‘ve had the damn things for weeks and I can’t wait ANY MORE.” He made big puppy dog eyes at Ran until Ran couldn’t stand any more and conceded with a low laugh. “alright Nisso, alright.”

Yohji stood, pulling Ran up with him. “First, a short, and I mean short Ran, shower. I’m done already, you jump in. **I** will wait here – for obvious reasons.” He pushed Ran slightly toward the bathroom door, and adopted an “I am waiting” pose, foot tapping, arms crossed, as he grinned totally ruining the effect.

“okay okay!” Ran laughed, “geez Yohji, honestly” He turned into the bathroom leaving the door open and threw over his shoulder. “you are certainly excited, I am very curious.”

“good” Yohji called back, “wash faster”

Ran exited the bathroom wrapped in his plush robe. He adopted a “put-upon” look as he mock glared, “ok Yohji, lead the way”

Yohji stepped up taking Ran’s hand. “Close your eyes Baby.” Ran snorted, “really Yohji?”

“Yes, really. Close em.”

Ran sighed, closing his eyes he held out his hand, “Lead on Nissho, Guide me”

Yohji carefully steered Ran to the kitchen doorway, positioning him so he faced into the kitchen at the right angle, then stepped behind to hold Ran close against him. He leaned in, so he could see Ran’s face and lifted the blindfold. “Ok Angel” He breathed, “open your eyes”

Ran’s first sight as he blinked in the light was the easel set near the island. A beautiful oak finish gleamed under the kitchen lights. Next to it on the counter was a full paint set and brushes. “Yohji” Ran exclaimed, then he noticed the items arranged along the counter: The complete pastry/baking set that Ran had recently admired at the cooking expo they’d gone to. The free standing mixer, all the molds, the dough press, the whole set up. Yohji’d removed everything from the packaging, spreading it all out along the counter.

“Yohji” Ran said again, in awe. “Yohji this is…. Too much!”

“No Ran. It’s Valentines and birthday, and, well…. It’s gonna be the last one that I can-“ he cut off abruptly. “anyway. “ he went on as Ran stepped up to the counter, tracing a hand along the easel. “I figured, it’d be good for you to paint Angel. Help keep your stress down. When you need to get away, well, now going in you have an excuse. You can set aside a “ he stumbled, “a room.. there… for your haven.”

Ran’s eyes snapped to Yohji’s own and he frowned, for just a moment, the nodded. “That is…. A very good idea, Nissho. Persia cannot deny me this, and… _she_ will not intrude, there”

“There is one thing though Ran.” Yohji went on, quietly. “The cooking set up, it stays here. Not negotiable. Besides, you’re gonna give me lessons.”

Ran looked at Yohji, eyebrows raised, “Lessons” he said flatly

“Well, yeah” Yohji ran a hand behind his neck, “I gotta learn now. No way I can go back to Jack in the Box and frozen pizzas all the time now. Either you’re gonna cook up a whole lotta food in advance whenever you’re here, or you teach me. This set up shortens prep time too, but still I am gonna be somewhat jealous of the time I _do_ get now. So, lessons”

Ran stood there a moment, thinking that over, then stepped forward, pushing himself into Yohji’s embrace. Yohji’s arms came around to hold him tightly. “if it stays here,” Yohji said quietly, “you’ll have to come here to use it” his voice dropped to a rasp “This is NOT negotiable Ran. You can only cook with this for **us.** ”

Ran pulled back to gaze up at Yohji. “I love you Nissho. And I promise. This set up will only ever be used in _our_ kitchen.” He pushed up to gently nibble Yohji’s lower lip, then nuzzled into the crook of his neck. “These are wonderful gifts Yohji. You are …. Amazing. Your warmth will fill me every time I draw or paint or…. Anything. The painting is a wonderful idea. I can… seclude myself from the beginning. Have an avenue for retreat when things get… too much. It’s perfect, you’re perfect.” He squeezed Yohji tightly, then stepped back. “Enough Nissho” Ran sighed, “I don’t want to taint this wonderful gift any further. Let me indulge more in our time together. Come, I want to draw you.” He turned, leading Yohji into the living room, “something to memoralize this best ever of birthdays. Come on, now it is I who can’t wait”

Ran laughed a small laugh, strained, a little tight, but a laugh, as he pulled Yohji along. Yohji determined in his heart to do all he could to cultivate those laughs, and to commit each one to memory to dispel the coming darkness, to keep his soul burning bright for Ran as long as he could.

But, despite his best efforts, Yohji felt that light dimming. The more he considered the coming wedding, the more he came to realize there was no way they were going to get out of this, the dimmer the light of his soul burned. He could only hope to keep it lit long enough to find a way out,…. For both of their sakes.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 10 **

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** Forever Weiss **

 

Yohji sat under the pier, on the crowded Florida beach, alone among the crowds. Brooding, not really fighting the darkness waiting to engulf him, he stared out at the sun just beginning its fiery descent. WEISS had completed their set half an hour ago; an hour ahead of schedule unfortunately, due to a delayed flight causing a no show band. Instead of being lost in the music, in the energy of the crowd right now, like he was _supposed_ to be, he was hiding under the pier, watching the sunset off the beautiful coast, wishing he was singing, or sleeping, or driving, or fixing a flat, or, or in line at the airport, or unconscious, or ... something…. anything.

He sighed and brought up memories to remind him of happier days, brighter days; memories of laughter and love…. Thoughts of the holidays first came to mind. He’d truly enjoyed the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays this past year in a way he hadn’t since his parents’ deaths. Ran’s wide eyed excitement, his blushes, his wonder as though everything were something new, which really for him, it was.... Ran’s reactions and happiness had made the holidays magical in a way Yohji hadn’t believed they could be since he’d been a child.

Yohji’s thoughts then inevitably led to the New Year’s end with Ran’s explanation of Persia’s sadistic plan: Aya’s disappearance and the enforced marriage. Yohji shuddered and scrambled to dredge up happy memories after that revelation. His mind latched onto one perfect day among the growing darkness; Ran’s birthday had been an oasis, a haven in their storm. The day spent entirely wrapped up in each other, senses overloaded, completely lost in only each other’s touch, taste, voice. He thought then of Ran’s gift of the ‘love coupons’ and the inventive ways Ran had found to fulfill each and every one during the short weeks that followed, before.....

Yohji flinched and, desperately reached to pull out his wallet. He flipped it open, and his eyes fell first on the snapshot Ran’d given him for Valentines’ Day. Ran smiled that beautiful, open smile from the page. Yohji traced a finger over Ran’s face, and took a deep breath to fight the vise grip he felt banding tightly about this chest. A smile came unbidden, unnoticed, to his lips as he remembered Ran’s presentation of the photo, and his body tightened at the memory of Ran’s gift just _before_ the photo. Then his heart remembered and warmed at the memory of Ran’s awestruck expression and response to the art set Yohji’d given him for his birthday.

Yohji flipped the clear photo holder page to the scanned copy of the drawing there. The drawing Ran had been so eager to create that day, determined to ‘capture’ Yohji on paper… Yohji looked at the drawing, solemn. There he lay, sprawled languidly out along the sofa, hair fanned out, toned body on display – looking so much more….. just, more. More than he really was, he was certain. But Ran had been adamant that this ... this was the Yohji he saw, the essence of his Nissho. Ran’s dedication in the bottom right corner: “MY NISSHO” proclaimed that boldly.

The memory of that afternoon flooded Yohji’s senses as he traced over the words there. He could almost smell the strawberries, taste the chocolate. He closed his eyes and let the memory overtake him….

_Ran pulled back to gaze up at Yohji. “I love you Nissho. And I promise. This set up will only ever be used in our kitchen.” He pushed up to gently nibble Yohji’s lower lip, then nuzzled into the crook of his neck. “These are wonderful gifts Yohji. You are …. Amazing. Your warmth will fill me every time I draw or paint or…. Anything. The painting is a wonderful idea. I can… seclude myself from the beginning. Have an avenue for retreat when things get… too much. It’s perfect, you’re perfect.” He squeezed Yohji tightly, then stepped back. “Enough Nissho” Ran sighed, “I don’t want to taint this wonderful gift any further. Let me indulge more in our time together. Come, I want to draw you.” He turned, leading Yohji into the living room, “something to memoralize this best ever of birthdays. Come on, now it is I who can’t wait”_

_Ran laughed a small laugh, strained, a little tight, but a laugh, as he pulled Yohji along. Yohji determined in his heart to do all he could to cultivate those laughs, and to commit each one to memory to dispel the coming darkness, to keep his soul burning bright for Ran as long as he could...................._

_Ran pulled Yohji out of the kitchen into the living room, pressing him down onto the sofa. He leaned in for a soft, quick kiss, ran his hands down both sides of Yohji’s plush, forest green robe, and proceeded to ‘position’ Yohji on the sofa, seeing in his mind’s eye the pose he’d imagined almost as soon as he’d realized what he held in his hands in the pencils and sketchbook. The way he often saw Yohji in his thoughts: he reclined Yohji back against the corner of the sofa, head tilted back on the back of the sofa, hair trailing over one shoulder. His left arm stretched up across the back of the sofa, hand open, seeming to beckon. Ran pulled Yohji’s robe open slightly, and down off the right shoulder. He raised the knee of Yohji’s left leg, closest to the back of the sofa, and brought the foot of his right leg down off the edge of the sofa so that the foot rested on the floor; causing the robe to fall open ‘just so.’_

_Yohji’s abs were displayed, framed by the lapels of the robe, the inside of his tan left thigh revealed as the robe pooled down at his groin, his other treasures shadowed in the folds of the robe. Ran placed Yohji’s right hand into the pocket of the robe, putting a bit more stress on the fabric, raising it up just slightly more on Yohji’s right thigh. He smiled at Yohji’s bemused expression at being manipulated like a puppet, and stood back. “don’t move Nissho. Stay **Right. There**.” Ran stepped to the side and slightly opened the drapes, allowing the evening sun to spill across Yohji’s form, highlighting his hair, the natural bronze of his skin, creating an aura around and behind him. “Beautiful Nissho, you are so, so beautiful.” Ran murmured as he stood a moment drinking in the vision before him. _

_Ran sat on the coffee table and eagerly sharpened a pencil, opening the sketchpad. Ran worked quickly and almost immediately was lost in the motions. Yohji watched, enthralled as Ran….. changed, before him. He…… withdrew into himself, but not in the lost, dark way he had been withdrawing before, this was a…. detachment, a peaceful calm. Still, it was a pulling away, and Yohji keenly felt the distance, the … lessoning of Ran’s presence. Well, at least, even lessened, Ran was still **here**. He supposed he’d better get used to distancing in truth. The time was coming… No. Yohji closed his eyes and breathed through that thought, focusing on here and now._

_Time seemed to slow to a crawl as Ran worked and Yohji couldn’t say how long he was lost in the experience of watching Ran when Ran suddenly blinked in the fading light and shook himself a little. As the spell was broken Yohji found he could now feel a numbness in his left arm up over the sofa’s back, and an ache in his hips at the awkward angle the position put him in. He stretched, just a bit, but the movement caught Ran’s eye. He snapped his head to the side, eyes widening as he took in the time on the clock above the stereo. “Nissho!” Ran exclaimed as he swiftly set aside the sketchpad and dropped to his knees in front of Yohji. He reached forward and began to massage Yohji’s legs, easing him into a stretched out position. “oh Yohji! I’m sorry” he gasped, “I completely lost the time. You must be so stiff and uncomfortable. I’m sorry”_

_Ran gently eased Yohji’s stiff, cramped muscles, guiding him down onto the sofa as his hands worked up over Yohji’s legs, then bypassing his core, worked on arms and shoulders. As he worked on Yohji, Ran noticed the mood shift. Yohji was still wrapped in his robe, but as plush as that fabric was it was no barrier against the growing hardness beneath, lengthening as Ran draped across him in an effort to reach Yohji’s shoulders from his kneeling position at Yohji’s knees._

_“I want to cash in that coupon now lover.” Yohji whispered. He nuzzled into Ran’s neck, suckling on his ear, and pushing up with his hips, pressing his hardness against Ran’s thigh. Ran growled at that silent plea, and pushed Yohji back against the sofa. He took Yohji’s lips in a deep, full kiss. His hands fell to the gap of Yohji's robe, and pulled the soft material from his skin. Rough fingers traced down the sculpted chest before him, and moved lower, fingernails running along the ridges of sinewy muscle, to squeeze Yohji's hard shaft. “Yohji” Ran moaned._

_His lips burned a trail down tanned skin, and made their way to one rosy nipple, then the other. Lips and teeth suckled and teased them both into peeks, while skillful fingers teased and taunted. He looked up, and Yohji was watching him with wide eyes, filled with lust and anticipation._

_He united his own robe, kissed the blonde once more, and began his torturously slow decent, caressing his own hot skin against Yohji’s legs as he went down. When he got there, gentle fingers stroked Yohji lovingly, caressing the head. When a pearl appeared, Ran licked it from the tip, swirling his tongue twice around the flared head, then engulfed Yohji to the hilt. Yohji groaned, low, and his hips snapped forward, trying to bury himself in that moist heat, as Ran's tongue slithered around his cock, and gentle teeth scraped his length just before he started a hard, deep suction._

_“Ran!” Yohji arched back, both hands buried in Ran’s hair. “Ran! fuck.. ah....” Ran continued to suck, harder, swirling, not easing the pressure, “Ah! Ran... Ran I ... I want to.... to feel you... inside...me... again, please... Ran I ...” Yohji panted, hips starting to thrust of his own accord, pushing himself into Ran’s mouth._

_Ran eased up on the suction, wanting to prolong their time. While his tongue and lips continued to work their magic, Ran slipped two fingers into his mouth alongside Yohji’s cock. Yohji moaned deeply at the feel of Ran’s fingers pressed tightly against him. Ran coated his fingers, then reached back and pressed one inside Yohji, still a little slick from earlier that afternoon._

_Yohji gave a whimper at the sensation. Ran moved his tongue to the sensitive underside of Yohji’s cock, swirling, pointing his tongue and running it over that line. Back and forth, he lapped at him there as he swirled his finger. Once the first finger could move freely, he added a second finger, scissoring them._

_Ran looked up at the picture his lover made. His hips pushing down against the fingers working inside him wantonly, teeth grazing his own lip, whimpering in both pleasure and pain, thighs shaking with the intensity of his longing, and sweat coating the skin of his perfect abs. Ran found it hard to breathe, as sweat dampened golden strands stuck to Yohji’s face and neck as Yohji’s head thrashed against the arm of sofa._

_How can he not know how sexy he is, how..... incredible?_ _, Ran thought as Yohji’s fingers buried themselves in his crimson locks, holding Ran’s head in place as Yohji’s thrusts became more pronounced. Ran wanted this experience to be mind-blowing for him. Wanted to pleasure Yohji like no one else ever had, or could, … forever…That thought threatened to stop his heart in his chest, but he pushed it away. He could think about 'that' later._

_He stroked deeply, finding that one spot. When two fingers tickled it lightly, Yohji gave a rasp of “Ran!”, and his head flew back, a low growl catching in his throat. When Yohji was ready for the third finger he took him all the way into the back of his throat, and hummed over the tip, while he pressed inside. Yohji's body tightened, his back arched, and Ran sucked him furiously, purring once more. Yohji moaned a broken version of his lover’s name, ”Ra –a- an” and his hips slammed forward, seed filling Ran's eagerly waiting mouth. Ran suckled, nuzzled, and pulled his hand out slowly. He sat back, leaned down and let some of that essence fall from his lips to coat over Yohji’s entrance, swirling it with his fingers, keeping the opening loosened. He lightly pressed his lips against Yohji's hot flesh, just below Yohji’s sac, then raised up slightly to take first one globe then the other gently into his mouth. Then he pulled back and surged up, capturing Yohji’s mouth in a hot, deep kiss._

_Yohji could taste himself in his lover’s mouth, and it thrilled him. He watched Ran pull a small tube of lube from his robe pocket, and place it on the coffee table. He pushed his robe back off his shoulders and let it slide off his arms. Yohji pushed his own robe back the rest of the way as he leaned forward, his teeth taking the opportunity to nip the pulse thumping beneath Ran's skin at his throat, and was rewarded with a harsh pant. Searing violet eyes pulled him in, and blood rushed to his slowly reawakening cock, twitching a small spasm._

_Ran's abs flexed as he reached back for the lube on the table, and that movement caught Yohji’s eye and drew his attention south. His eyes wandered down pale, creamy skin slowly until he found Ran's length. He was thick and long, darkened with the hunger flooding his veins, and glistening with moisture. He watched with rapt attention as Ran stroked himself a few times, eyes flowing over Yohji's body hungrily. He ran his thumb over the tip, grabbed the lube, and quickly, but liberally, coated his length._

_"Turn around," Ran’s deep, lust roughened, voice commanded, and Yohji obeyed quickly, turning so he leaned over the sofa. Ran had never been as.... forceful, as.... in charge, as he’d shown this day, and Yohji was surprised by how much it turned him on. He loved it. A hand landed between his shoulder blades, and pressed. He found himself belly down, cheek pressed against the sofa cushion, sending ripples of anticipation through his body._

_Ran eased Yohji’s knees apart, one of his hands gripped Yohji's hip, the other pressed the tip of his erection against Yohji's entrance, circling, and tickling, but not pushing in. The needy groan that fell from Yohji's lips surprised them both, and Ran gave in. He pushed himself inside, just beyond the pucker, giving him time to adjust._

_Yohji choked back a cry, as his body trembled at the pulsing invasion, his teeth biting into his own lip. Ran leaned forward and pressed himself to the man beneath him. Gentle teeth nibbled Yohji's ear, and he purred in response. "yes Yohji.…" Ran panted, his breath brushing the sensitive skin behind Yohji's ear. When he pulled back, his hands rubbed slow soothing circles over the expanse of silken skin laid out before him._

_Yohji pushed his hips back, taking Ran into his velvety heat until his ass pressed against Ran's hips. Ran stiffened, his breaths came out in strangled gasps, as he folded over on-top of Yohji, the feeling of clenching heat almost too much to bear. He felt like he could cum at any moment, and they'd barely even begun._

_"God Yohji… you're so hot.... so....tight…" Ran said as his fingers played with long sunshine locks. Hands stroking down Yohji's back as he pulled away. Yohji mourned the loss of heat against his skin, until tender nips fell along the back of his neck and shoulders._

_Ran gripped Yohji's hips, withdrew, and rolled his hips as he pushed back in slowly. Yohji moaned as his prostate was grazed. Ran retreated again, and slid in, setting a slow pace, his nails digging into Yohji's hips, in an effort to keep his movements controlled. His erection pressed against Yohji's prostate a second time, and Yohji shuddered. "…More…" he pleaded with the redhead._

_Ran pushed his hips forward, giving a deeper, harder thrust. Yohji pushed his hips back lightly, meeting him halfway, and groaned at the pressure on his prostate. "Ran…" he moaned "…Harder… Please…" Those were the words Ran had been praying for. Without a second thought, he slammed his hips forward pushing Yohji into the sofa harshly. His hips snapped back and forth as he picked up his pace._

_Yohji writhed beneath him, driving his hips back to meet every thrust. He flung his hair out of his face, and turned his head to watch Ran ram into him, and using the sofa edge for leverage, he slammed his hips back even harder._

_Ran caught those emerald eyes watching him. He gripped Yohji's long strands, pulling the other man to meet him. He kissed him forcefully, in a way that told Yohji he belonged to Ran every bit as much as Ran belonged to him. Then he pushed Yohji back down onto the deep cushion, and pounded into him mercilessly, taking everything that Yohji had to offer._

_Yohji was swept away in the intensity of his lover’s passion. Each thrust jarred him forward, and he fought to keep up. With each push his knees rubbed against the carpet and thighs dug into the sofa edge as his hips were pumped. The steady beat of sweaty skin slapping together echoed in the room._

_Yohji could feel himself getting closer to his release. A compulsion over took him, "Ran… Touch me…" Ran immediately dropped one hand and wrapped his fist around Yohji's dripping erection, stroking in time with his thrusts._

_Ran angled his hips to hit Yohji's pleasure center with every plunge. Yohji's whole body shook with his oncoming climax. His back arched, and his nails dug into Ran’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tight. He was teetering on the edge, but his release didn't come. He realized that Ran had stopped moving. He tried to push back, desperately seeking his release, but Ran held him firmly in place. He looked back and swallowed at those blazing violet eyes, dark with intense emotion._

_"Who do you belong to?"_

_"Ngh... ahh…"_

_Ran gave a particularly hard thrust, and Yohji moaned as Ran's thick cock slammed into his prostate. "Who… do… you… belong… to?" Ran grit out, and then resumed his deep thrusts._

_"You…"Yohji panted and Ran gave a grunt of approval, ”you Ran... always.” Yohji moaned, breathless._

_“yes Yohji” Ran growled and tightened his hold on Yohji’s erection and spread the pearl from its tip all around. With a strong grip he pulled Yohji's length, all the while, his hips continuing to piston into the blonde. Yohji could feel Ran's pulsing cock pressing his prostate on every stroke, with bruising strength. He felt that tightening in his balls, and his insides vibrated with anticipation._

_Ran folded over his lover and growled, "Cum for me, Yohji. For me." Yohji’s body quivered, white flashed behind his eyes, and he came, his seed splashing the cushions, and his lover’s hand. Ran's thrusts were losing their rythm, and Yohji knew he wasn't far behind. As the intensity of his orgasm spread through his whole body, he almost collapsed._

_Ran held him tight in his arms, pulling him to his chest. He continued to thrust as Yohji clamped down around him like a vice. Yohji's body tore his release from him, “ngh!... huh... ah!” Ran bit down roughly on the man in his arms, between neck and shoulder and Yohji growled at the ferocity of the bite, as he felt Ran's seed flooding his insides. It left him feeling filled like he'd never felt before. Ran's thrusts slowed as he rode out the final shudders of his release._

_They slid to the floor next to the sofa, Ran laying on top of Yohji, their bodies still entwined. Ran caught the bite mark on Yohji's shoulder and frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I've never been .... like that..... that rough. I’m....."_

_Yohji pushed honey golden hair out of his eyes, "Ran. don’t tell me you’re sorry. I’m sure as hell not. It's so much more than okay. I enjoyed it. You were incredible."_

_"But…Yohji"_

_Yohji shushed him with a kiss. "No Ran. Really. That was amazing. Don't apologize," he said soothingly, and pressed their lips together in a soft kiss. "I love you"_

_“I love you too Yohji. So much.” Ran pulled out of the blonde as gently as possible, then rolled to the floor next to him. “too much....” Ran whispered, barely under his breath and sighed as he rolled over and wrapped his arms around Yohji, burying his head in Yohji’s s shoulder.... “Nissho.” Ran breathed, “what... what are we going to do?”_

_Yohji didn’t answer. He couldn’t find anything to say. Instead, he held Ran tighter, just held on. Ran seemed to understand. At least he didn’t ask again. They lay there, enwrapped in each other, holding tightly, until each fell asleep...._

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yohji hadn’t had an answer for Ran. Not then..... and not now. God, not now.

That day had been full of revelations and explorations. Ran had taken the lead from the outset and had kept it, the whole day. He’d taken Yohji twice more that night after they’d awakened in the living room floor. Once in the shower; almost... roughly, desperately, with Yohji pressed against the tile. Ran had barely spoken then, just suddenly pressing against Yohji and initiating. Yohji’d thought something seemed.... off, in the determination Ran had shown, but he’d let his worry be driven from his mind by Ran’s thrusts. That had been followed by soft apologies and a slow, worshipful session of lovemaking that left them both sated and exhausted. They’d slept the sleep of men fully sated after an entire day of lovemaking, and well.... if Ran had seemed to hold Yohji tighter, seemed quieter than usual... Yohji _was_ leaving again the next morning, on a ten day trip, and the days were counting swiftly down to the event neither had found a way to avoid.

Ran had awoken Yohji with soft kisses the next morning, then submitted himself to Yohji to be taken, filled. And, again, if he’d seemed... subdued, or if he’d held closer... tighter than normal, well.... the day before had been all Seme Ran; maybe Ran needed to be held down, to know Yohji’s strength again. Ran knew Yohji’s almost frantic need to build up as many memories as possible before the coming separation; he gave Yohji all he could. And he’d given Yohji amazing memories, both over that day and in the short weeks that followed. Memories that warmed Yohji’s heart many times during the coming WEISS trips.

Ran had made it his mission each time Yohji was home to cash in love coupons. He’d managed to cash out all of them before last weekend. Seme Ran had made more appearances, growing more.... forceful, more... desperate. Yohji’d worried, tried to figure out _why_ it was so ..... brittle, other than the obvious. There was _something_.... else, bothering Ran.

It wasn’t until last week, after returning from a week-long trip, as Ran broke in his arms that Yohji had finally figured out what was behind Ran’s need and drive to dominate; to take Yohji so often lately. Ran had again become Seme Ran when Yohji’d come home that night. And it was wonderful, like always. Ran was an amazing lover; attentive, powerful, loving. He never failed to bring Yohji to completion, to have Yohji gasping, panting, calling his name; Seme or not. But, as Yohji came down from the edge that night, it was to realize Ran’s trembling across his back was something other than aftershock.

As Yohji came out of his orgasmic daze, calling softly to his lover, Ran had suddenly pushed himself back with an anguished cry and stumbled off the bed into the corner of the room where he huddled against the wall, arms around his legs, head on his knees as he rocked.

Ran’s body wracked with heavy sobs as Yohji threw himself from the bed to pull Ran into his arms. “Ran! What? What’s wrong?” Yohji cried out as he gathered Ran in close. Ran if anything, had grown more hysterical, refusing to answer until Yohji barked suddenly, “Ran!” Ran stilled completely, suddenly, in his arms. Face gone blank, eyes dead, and Yohji wished beyond all hope that he didn’t have to hear whatever Ran was about to say. “Yohji.” Ran rasped, throat rough, tears still streaming, dead eyes seeing nothing. Ran’s voice was cold, devoid of emotion, “I will have to lay with Miko Yohji.”

Yohji flinched and almost pushed Ran away from him at that statement, but some part of him, deep inside instead tightened his grip, pulling Ran in closer against him. Some part of him recognizing how close Ran was to pulling _himself_ away....

Ran went on as though he didn’t even notice Yohji there, much less the flinch. As though reciting a litany he’d carried in his head. For how long? Yohji wondered. He’d refused to talk about this aspect of the nightmare, and who else could Ran possibly talk to about it? About his worries, his fears.... Yohji felt his heart being flayed by each word as Ran went on. “I’ve never touched, or been touched by, anyone else. I’m going to have to touch her... be with her. She.... she can’t, c-can’t take me. I will... will have to take her. To...to do that I, I have to, be aroused. No one has ever....I have never _wanted_ anyone, anyone but Yohji, No one.” Ran’s voice broke there, for a moment, then hardened. “in order to perform, I will have to have some.... thought, to incite arousal. And... Miko... I c-can’t just, just penetrate her. I know it is different, I wont have to prepare her as I do Yohji. Women are... they get...wet. But, she will have to be aroused. I have to... have to find a way to.. arouse her, to make her body respond. I can’t ... I don’t ... I”

Ran stilled then, eyes vacant, losing focus as he trembled, seeming unsure how to go on from here. Yohji feared shock, or worse. He tightened his hold, then carefully moved them so he sat against the wall, Ran pulled back against him. He sensed this coming conversation would be .... easier on both if they didn’t have to look at each other. But, they both so needed to feel the other there.

They sat there for a long moment as Yohji brought his mind to order. He clamped down tightly on his heart, pushing the pain down, deep. Sealing off the core of himself from what he was about to say, to hear. “Ran” he said softly, “I’m sorry.” He cut off Ran’s immediate, automatic denial of any wrongdoing by Yohji. “Just ... listen.” Yohji caressed Ran’s hair softly as he huddled over Ran, holding tight. “I AM sorry. I should have been here for you for this. Who else could you go to, to talk about this, hmm? Even...even Aya, cannot be there for you to pour your soul out to.” Yohji squeezed harder as Ran responded to that by pulling in tighter on himself, head bowed.

“I admit it, I have not wanted to think about this, not at all, but... you can’t do that, can you? You can’t just ignore it, you have to think about it.” Yohji sighed. He took a firm grip on his heart as he spoke. Each word another hole piercing his soul until he bled, deep inside. “a woman’s” he whispered, cleared his throat, and went on, firmer, “A woman’s body can... can bring you physical pleasure Ran. Now... now that you’ve.. you’ve awakened your ... needs, a hot, tight grip can...bring you to... to release. It... it wont be as hard to... to awaken arousal as... as you think. Not really.”

Yohji took a deep breath. “You’re a man Ran. Your cock will respond Baby. Even if your mind may not want it to... You have a need to ... protect, to... cherish. Go with that. Let her bring that out in you.” Yohji ran a hand through his hair. “you’re right. She’s.... innocent in this. I don’t hate _her_ , I hate Persia, and what’s happening.” Yohji clenched his eyes shut, “Ran. You are... you’re going to ... care for her, after.” He kept his eyes closed and held on tight as Ran gasped at that statement. “You will Ran. you can’t help it. Meaningless sex is just NOT in your make up. I know that. That’s part of what makes this so...fucked.”

He sat back, letting his grip loosen a bit, leaning his head back against the wall. “Even if you don’t _want her_ , at first, even if you have to picture me to get hard. After, after you penetrate her Ran, and have been inside her, after she’s called your name, and loves you, you are going to care. You may not love her. Not like you love me, but you will.... care. And .... she will arouse you Ran. Soft, small hands, running over you, sweet, innocent kisses, hot wet heat. You’ll grow to want her, physically, even though your heart will stay mine. It wont be as hard as you think. And, you’ll live with her Ran. Every night she will put her hands on you, stroke you, maybe even suck you, and you will get hard, and your cock wont care what tight hot hole it’s going into as long as it pulls and squeezes, your cock wont care.” Yohji’s voice suddenly tightened, “And Ran. I wouldn’t suggest taking her from behind, like you’ve been planning, pretending she’s me. It wont work. You wont be able to force yourself to believe it for long Ran. You just wont. She’ll be soft, and curved, and weak, and.... not me.”

Yohji stopped talking and just sat there a while. Caressing, quiet, thinking of things he had no desire to ever think about. Finally, just when he decided Ran must have fallen asleep, Ran stirred. “I’m sorry Yohji. I love you. Only you. Forever you. I don’t want her. I never will. I may get off with her, I may have to... to fuck her. But, that’s all it will ever be. Getting off. Fucking. Only you have ever, only you will ever, touch my soul.”

Yohji sighed. “I’ll be here Angel. Waiting. I’ll be yours, always. Until we can find a way out of this, I will wait. When it’s too much, or when you can find a chance to escape, come to me. I will be yours. Whenever WEISS is not away, I will be here, waiting. Just, God Ran, just please don’t... I’m sorry, so sorry Baby, but....I don’t want to know, ever Ran, about how it is ... making love to her, please... not that.”

“Yohji. I will never make love to her. I told you. I may have to... fuck her. But, like you said, sweet, innocent or not, she’ll be just a hole. Even if I do grow to care for her Yohji, I will never make love to her. I swear it.” Ran turned then, to look at Yohji. “I love you Yohji. Always.”

Yohji leaned in and gently kissed Ran. “I love you too Baby. Now, come on. I’m tired.” He stood and helped Ran to his feet. He tried to smile, but just couldn’t. He turned to the shower, and dejected and quiet, Ran followed. They rinsed quickly, neither heart in it for more just then, and both collapsed, sleeping fitfully.

In the short days that followed they’d been together as much as they could, but their lovemaking was.... different. A barrier was there, a .... chasm. And it was growing, spreading, like a stain. Finally, yesterday, they’d parted. Ran had the rehearsal dinner, and Yohji’d left for the Spring Break gig here in Florida. WEISS was signed up for the whole Spring Break session at this beach. Performing almost every day/night. They were certainly getting the recognition they’d been looking for.

Now, right now, while WEISS was _supposed to be_ on stage, and instead Yohji was hiding here under this pier, Ran was stating his vows. Taking that woman as his _wife._ Probably already had, was now a _married man._ They would leave shortly after the ceremony. Ran certainly wasn’t the reception type, Persia didn’t give a fuck, and Miko knew no one. They were on their way for a “honeymoon.” For ten days, in Paris. Yohji would be here, working his ass off, drinking the rest of the time, lost in the crowd. He’d made damn sure of that.

Yohji punched the pillar next to him, turning his face into the damp wood, eyes clenched shut as he fought to hold back the hot tears of betrayal. He imagined Ran at the altar, watching Miko as she glided toward him. Yohji hadn’t met Miko, but he’d seen the announcements, photos. She was delicate, beautiful, meek...and traditionally trained to please her husband. To love him. And, if Yohji was any judge of women: and he was; that adoring look she turned up to an oblivious Ran said she loved him already. Ran may not see it, he may be blinded by his reluctance to face the situation, but she loved him, or the thought of him anyway.

And, because she wanted to love him, she would do everything she could to convince him; to make him love her back. Many arranged marriages turned to love. To have someone devoted to your comfort, your pleasure, your happiness... Yohji knew, Ran loved him, but....that love stemmed from a physical attraction first. That was why he’d sought Yohji out in the first place. Sure, it had grown to love as he’d allowed Yohji into his life.... as Yohji’d fallen he pulled Ran right along with him, and they DID love each other..... but, still. First, it had been physical....

Miko, she didn’t have that right off, and she knew it. Knew Ran was reluctant, if not why. But, knew also, he was ... protective of her. She was devoted to him, already, and would ply her training as ideal wife to garner his interest. She would cater to him, in every way; at meals, in their home, in bed.... and some part of Ran would become hers.

Yohji couldn’t bear that thought, that realization. He curled in on himself, fists clenched in his hair as he panted through the pain, biting back a scream of agony. His heart was in flames, roasting, bursting... dying as he heard in his mind Ran’s beautiful, rich voice reciting the vows that would bind him to her. Ran had insisted on reworded vows from the traditional; citing a modern world and American influence... whatever he had to spin to get Miko to agree to the change, only knowing no part of him was willing to vow “until death.” Vowing instead to “take this woman in marriage; to care for her and shield her, in sickness and health, in good times and bad, as witnessed by all here present.” No, no vow of forever, but still.... a vow.

It hurt. It hurt so, so much. To know, Ran was married. Legally married.... to someone else. Knowing that that ‘someone’ loved him made it worse, .... and better, but .... worse. She would have so much of Ran. So much. He would be there, with her, every night. She would be there to comfort, to support, to.... touch, to hold, to ... grow used to... become comfortable with, as Ran endured this. Her tenderness and care was bound to soothe, to... ease. And a mindless physical release was in itself a comfort too... one Ran would learn the value of soon enough. One Yohji could no longer bring himself to even contemplate....

And, when they returned from “the honeymoon” and Ran could see Aya again, well, that would leave even less time that Ran would have to be with....

Yohji would wait, as **he’d** vowed, but...for how long? How long would he have to share Ran? How long would it take to find a way out of this nightmare? **Would** there be a way out?

Yohji calmed finally, a numbness crawling through him. His heart almost stopped for a moment, it was so heavy, so.... damaged, but then it reset itself and Yohji was left there, empty, cold, alone. He sighed and forced himself to sit up. He raked his hands through his hair, over his face, and reached into his breast pocket for a cigarette. As he leaned back to fish out his lighter he felt again the recurring vibration of his cell in his pocket. Indication of an unread text message. One Yohji had not had the strength to force himself to read earlier.

He sighed, took a long drag on his smoke and pulled out the cell. Yohji stared at the phone a moment, two more deep drags inhaled and exhaled deeply, before he forced himself to flip it open. “Nissho.” The message started and Yohji’s heart stuttered. “Only you. Always you. Forever You. These are the vows of my heart. No matter what passes my lips, ever. Know this. Always. Please.” Please. A true, heartfelt plea. Not one uttered during passion or sudden loss, from pain, but a true plea of the heart. Ran, begging him to remember. To not give up, to not hate him.

Yohji closed the phone, took another deep, shuddering breath, and pushed himself to his feet, dropping and grounding out the smoke in the process. He needed a drink. Time to... face life. Or, at least what was left of it. He would devote his time to WEISS utterly now. Focused, driven. That would be his driving force, his... reason to wake up, to keep moving. WEISS was growing, on their way. Yohji would lose himself to the music. As he’d been doing before Ran.

Next week would be ten months since he’d met Ran. Ten months that seemed like a lifetime. It seemed impossible that it hadn’t even been a year. How? How had he fallen so hard so fast? Ran, well, Ran had been starved for love. He’d come to life under Yohji’s care, as a withered blossom under drought ending showers. Parched, dying of thirst, Yohji’s love had renewed him, awakened him, the sleeping beauty of his soul. But.... Yohji hadn’t been so far gone, so... deprived of love. Yohji’d been .... jaded, tired, resigned after Asuka. Well versed in mindless pleasure, Yohji’d completely foregone any idea of love. Alone, meaningless bodies here and there between gigs, Yohji had long abandoned any ideas of finding a fit for the missing parts of his soul.

But, he had. Ran had filled a need Yohji had believed he no longer had. Ran had filled in all the cracks and holes, warmed his heart and regenerated him. He hadn’t even known he was one of the living dead until Ran. Fine. Well, he would just have to resign himself again. He would be one of those musicians “married to the music” Total devotion to WEISS and their music; to furthering their exposure, their chance.

He could cash in on the “visiting friend in town” when WEISS had some down time and try to see Ran but, overall being away or performing would be easier than just... waiting, sitting at the apartment wondering when Ran would visit, like the geisha whore Persia had name him.

Yes, it was time to kick his own ass and get it in gear. To make the most of this break WEISS had earned, and to go as far as they could.

As Yohji came out from under the pier, a deep voice called out, “I know that look Yohji. What are you so determined about?” Yohji turned to face Jei leaning against the outer pillar a few feet down on his left. “how long you been there man?” Yohji asked

“Long enough” Jei answered softly. He sighed, “I’m glad you’ve pulled yourself together but what’s that look for? Hmm? You’ve made a decision, what is it?” Jei uncrossed his arms and fell in beside Yohji as he started back toward the roped off band area. Jei reached into his rolled shirtsleeve, pulled out two smokes, lit up and passed one to Yohji. He rolled the pack back into his sleeve. “spill Yohji. I know that look. You’ve made a decision and plan to stick to it regardless. Given how things stand, I wanna know what that might be”

Yohji took a long drag on the cigarette and took strength from Jei’s strong presence. A true friend, a brother... Yohji sighed, took another deep drag and exhaled, “I’m gonna live and breathe WEISS Jei. I shoulda been doing that anyway. I’ll see Ran, when I am able. When I am in New York, I will be his, at his....call.” Yohji closed his eyes a moment, then went on. “But now, WEISS will be my life. We’ve worked long and hard for this man. Let’s make the most of it. It’s not like Ran will be.... left behind, waiting, alone, when we tour or perform. Let’s make this happen. If we’re touring... busy... it’ll be easier. Easier not to be able see him, not to ... lose myself.”

Jei nodded and threw an arm around Yohji’s shoulders. “I agree. Refocus Yohji. Focus that drive of yours on WEISS for now. WEISS will benefit and so will you. We’ll keep you together. And, well, you’re right; it’ll be easier if you’re working, touring, performing. Better than sitting, waiting.” Jei squeezed a bit then let his arm fall. “I’m here man, if you need... anything. You know that. To talk, to shout, to hit something, to drown yourself. I’m here. We all are.

Jei reached out to raise the flap on the band’s pavilion tent as Yohji ducked inside. “I know man. Forever WEISS. I know.” Yohji grabbed a water bottle and downed it, “So. We get a second gig since the fourth band got lost?”

“Yeah” Ken piped up from behind Yohji on the right. Yohji turned, not having noticed Ken and Omi tucked into the corner, propped on cushions. “we go back on in just over an hour.” Ken went on as he tucked into some ribs. “Grub’s good Yohji. Set up is out the back flap there.” He gestured with a rib bone “mmm, ‘s good.” Ken suckled some BBQ sauce from his fingers as Omi looked on, somewhat dazed as he watched Ken’s singlemindedness as he demonstrated ‘finger lickin’ good’

Yohji chuckled, “Eyes back in your head Chibi.” Omi started and flushed as Ken’s eyes widened and a slow grin crept over his face. He leered at Omi and ran his tongue all the way down and around his index finger, then reached for a napkin. Ken climbed up from the cushions and tossed his plate into the can near the door flap.

“C’mon Yohji.” He pulled Yohji toward the tent flap. “Enough brooding. You gotta eat now. Lanky’s good. Skinny isn’t.” He steered Yohji out the back flap and into the courtyard area created by the band pavilions set up in a rough circle. The inner area, roped off and accessible to band and crews only, was set up with tables and BBQ grills. The smells hit Yohji and his stomach gave an audible rumble. “See?” Ken nudged him, “I heard that. When did you last eat? I know you didn’t eat anything this morning, and I haven ‘t seen you since our set closed earlier.” Ken sighed as he piled a plate high for Yohji. He plied another platter with salad and rolls.

He directed Yohji back toward the WEISS camp. “Look. I know it sucks. I’m sorry. I wish we could fix it. But, well... hell. We can’t So, for now, it’s WEISS right? Omi wants to put together an album when we get back. He figures with what we’ll make on this gig, especially with the no show giving extra time slots, we can rent out a studio for maybe two weeks. Enough time to do the finishing and retouching if we get it all down before we go in. So, like... maybe a few weeks to get it all set up and then two weeks in studio. Omi wants to get an album out to as many avenues as we can while we’re hot. Expand the website too, ya know? Build on this. This is our shot man. We gotta go with this, grab it.” Ken turned to look solemnly into Yohji’s eyes, focused. “Remember Yohji. Remember. I know Jei mentioned it earlier, and I don’t really have to remind you, but....Forever WEISS Yohji. It means something. Brothers. Always. Don’t forget.”

Yohji reached with one hand to clasp forearms with Ken. “I know Ken. I do. And, regardless, no matter what happens, it will always be forever WEISS Ken. Promise”

Ken gave a quick grin, clamped Yohji on one shoulder, then pulled him in for a fast hug and ducked into the tent. Yohji followed and saw Omi , laptop propped on his knees, typing quickly. Omi looked up, heart in his eyes as Yohji sank down close by. “you ok Yohji?” Omi asked, quiet. “we’re here. You know that.”

“yeah.” Yohji sighed. “I know Chibi. Thanks. A lot.” Omi smiled that 100 Watt smile and for just a moment all was right with Yohji. He inhaled deeply and started in on his ribs. Omi turned the laptop so Yohji could see as he ate and told him “We’re not the only ones who love you Yohji.” Yohji’s heart gave a small flutter but then Omi clicked on a link and went on “Your fans have grown, a lot. Especially recently. Pictures of you are getting triple the rest of us are getting,”

“wha-“ Ken squawked, “Hang on a sec-“

Omi went on as though he heard nothing, “and there are fan sites popping up all over. WEISS Wallpapers, screensavers and such. You figure.... prominently.” Omi smiled, “we’ll fill in the gaps Yohji. We’ll be here for you, us and your fans. Somehow, it’ll work out. I know it. You’ll see.”

Yohji reached out to ruffle Omi’s hair. “I know Chibi. Forever WEISS.” He gave a low laugh and looked around the tent. “I know guys. And... thanks.” He took a long drink, a very deep breath, and sat back. “OK Chibi, let’s record that album, milk this thing for all it’s worth. Let’s become the band on everyone’s mind. It’s time for WEISS to grab the spotlight.” The others gave a nod and they settled down to business, planning discussing venues and schedules. Omi confirmed reservations with their label for a short Canadian tour they’d been reluctant to sign onto before....

Yes, it sucked. Yes, the darkness waited to swallow Yohji, but, his brothers were there to catch him. Jei wouldn’t let him get _too_ shitfaced, too numb, too hollow; Ken wouldn’t let him neglect his body, just curl up and give in, ignore sleep and food; and Omi wouldn’t let the darkness take him, wouldn’t let him lose himself or wallow .... WEISS would pull him through, somehow, for as long as it took.... as long as he could hold on, they’d be there, with him.

But.... Ran.... who would hold him up? Miko? Yohji’s heart was broken, but still, warmed, the tiniest bit, at knowing that, as fucked as this was, at least.... at least she seemed to... genuinely care. She wouldn’t deliberately hurt Ran.... that was...something.

Yohji let the plans and discussion wash over him, the love of his brothers warming him. For now, for today, the music was his all. He’d worry about Ran when he could think of him without picturing the wedding night, the honeymoon.... He’d text Ran after tonight’s set. Find some way to answer without hurting Ran, without letting him see the darkness overloading Yohji. Maybe just a “me too.” But, tonight, after the show wrapped up. Late enough that he could just crash after and not think. Late enough to miss the....

Yohji sighed, as he tried to focus again on the conversation. He’d be back in New York in ten days. They’d see each other after Ran returned. He could do nothing now, not from here. No. For now........ for now he was WEISS.

 


	11. Chapter 11

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 11 **

****

 

** Ceremony  **

 

Ran stared at his reflection, and on autopilot adjusted his dark violet tie. His eyes flicked yet again to the cell phone lying silent on the end table. Still, lifeless, silent, like his heart. It was time. Time to go, to seal his name to Miko’s, and Yohji still hadn’t responded to his text of late this morning. In all fairness, Ran knew Yohji was busy, was performing. Traveling, setting up, and then interviews and autograph sessions before the spring break concerts started. Yohji’d made absolutely certain that today would be full, busy, bustling.... Ran couldn’t blame Yohji, he only wished with all his heart he could have found some way to occupy _himself._

Ran sighed, twitched his shoulders once more in his suit jacket, slipped the silent phone into his pocket, and stepped out into the hallway. He made his way to the door at the end and entered the chapel’s main room. Taking his place at the side of the podium, he thanked whatever twisted gods were allowing this travesty that at least he’d been able to convince their fathers to go with a small, private ceremony. He’d played up the costs for a large to do; such that would be expected of a Krittiker executive’s wedding, let alone the son of Persia; the media circus that would be certain to arise at an arranged marriage in today’s America; (and he’d left no doubt that if Persia pushed it, _someone_ would leak that it _was_ an arranged marriage), the “no friends or family, let’s not overwhelm the bride” card; and had insisted on a small, private, quiet ceremony. Never mind that the sorry excuse for family that Ran had was Persia, this was a farce anyway. Why should he care who stood witness for him. He didn’t want Yohji here; WEISS either, his almost friends **if they remained such after this** No, in this Ran found the only reason he’d been able to find to be glad of not having Aya near. He’d hate to have her witnessing this nightmare. Especially to know she was the leverage used against him.....

So, for Ran stood Persia and Persia’s two “hounds” and his “ferret” - the muscle who carried out his threats, disguised as *bodyguards* and the little weasel who dug up leverage for Persia’s manipulations, disguised as his *executive assistant*. Ran allowed himself a glare at the ferret off to the side and was rewarded by a paling face and lowered eyes. That little bastard was the prick who’d reported on Ran’s dance date with Yohji and the confrontation at the Masque, Ran knew it. Ran tore his gaze from the little prick and found instead his vision filled with Persia’s smirk. The smug superior gleam in his eye made it plain he knew Ran’s thoughts as he glared at his ‘ferret’ and that he enjoyed it.

Ran closed his eyes, took a calming breath, and schooled his features. He blanketed himself with the ice prince that was Ran of Krittiker. Unfeeling, numb disdain and cold arrogance replacing the anger. He was above this, apart, he felt nothing, thought nothing, was nothing. Nothing but a body, a shell. No soul, no heart, no life.... Ran closed his eyes again, pain lancing through him for an instant as a memory of Yohji’s warm loving voice washed through him “not nothing, you’re amazing, you’re mine.” No. Not today. His soul, _his being_ , Ran locked away. _That_ was Yohji’s; the core of who he was belonged to Yohji, always, only Yohji.

But.... today, today Krittiker’s Ran became the whore he’d always sworn he was not, would never be. Ran put a thick, cold steel box around his heart, locked it tight, and became an undead, heartless machine. An android, a robot. He would not feel, could not. Would not think of what was coming, or care about it.... he would do this, respond to life around him, answer when spoken to, but it wouldn’t be _him....._

Ran raised his head as soft music began. Miko’s father appeared at the entrance to the chapel. One hand outstretched, an impassive look on his face. Ran watched as the petite, silk clad bride stepped forward, placing a small delicate hand into her father’s. She looked up at Elder Esset briefly, then turned to face the aisle. She was dressed in a classic straight cut gown, simple, elegant, white silk and satin. Floor length, straight skirt showcasing her slim, petite figure, with lace trim at the collar and cuff of the flowing, wrist length sleeves.

Ran stood there waiting, exquisite in his own right clad in a black suit and white silk shirt, hair shining crimson under the altar lights, a pale, cold beauty. His expression remained unchanged as Miko walked gracefully down the aisle toward him, but his heart tried once again to cry out for rescue, for escape, a last minute reprieve. Ran viciously clamped down on that cry of fear/torment/need and walled it off, leaving himself with a bleeding, ragged wound inside, utterly numb.

He died as he took Miko’s hand in his and turned to face the official there. Reciting his meaningless, yet binding, vows, Ran’s eyes remained trained on a spot just above Miko’s ear, on a soft peach mum in her hair. He placed the ring on her finger, carefully, and his ears heard, but ignored, her repeated vows as he watched her delicate fingers slide a plain gold band *shackle* onto his own hand. His eyes shifted to the platinum band on his right hand cupping hers as cold fingers dug into his soul. He dropped his right hand, fist clenching convulsively, feeling the cool metal of his true vow digging into his palm. He’d not been able to leave the ring behind, to leave it off.

The brief flare of emotion faded and the numbness returned as the official placed Miko’s left hand into his own and said clearly, “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss your bride.” Ran, like a marionette guided by the strings of his tortured fate leaned in for a soft, chaste kiss, refusing to deepen it or expound on the moment in any way. He turned to face Persia; cold, dead eyes locked on that hated face and he spoke, “I will return in ten days. I will see Aya then.” His tone brooked no argument, left no room for leeway or question.

He turned without waiting or allowing any chance for a response, placed an arm behind Miko, and guided her out through the main doors to the limo waiting out front. Their bags had been loaded before the ceremony, everything was ready for their immediate departure. He carefully assisted Miko into the car and walked slowly to the other side. Seating himself he directed the driver. “Yuri, the airport please.”

Miko was silent, subdued, during the ride to the airport. She could obviously sense his ... tension, unease. As they arrived and he assisted her exit from the car, she spoke. “Ran?” she questioned softly. Ran turned to look down at her by his side, “hm?’ he responded as he watched Yuri load their bags onto the cart. Miko stepped forward and tentatively took the small bag from the top. “It’s a long flight Ran. I’d... I would like to change, before we board?” she spoke quietly, differentially, but kept her eyes on his.

Ran blinked. “Of course. My apologies. Yuri, please delay a moment as we both change before I check in.” Ran reached up, taking his own bag from the pile and directed Miko to the executive washrooms just off the limousine staging area. He entered the men’s room and was relieved to find it empty. Entering the last, large stall he removed his suit jacket and went to hang it on the hook on the back of the door. A light clang sound reminded him of the cell in the inside pocket.

Ran sighed and quickly changed into his travel clothes: black, well-fit Dockers and a ribbed charcoal grey shirt, hugging his physique. He kept the slip on black shoes he wore and gathered suit pants, white shirt and tie together. He lifted the jacket from the hook and removed the cell from the pocket. A blinking light indicated a waiting message.

With shaking hands Ran opened the cell. He knew the message was from Yohji. Persia certainly didn’t send him a text and Tina knew he was “getting married” today. She would direct all inquiries to Persia until Ran returned.

“Ran” the text began, “I know. Always. Only. Ever. Me too. I wait, as promised. I am, and will be, yours.” Ran found himself a timeless moment later with his head leaned against the back of the door, shaking, fists clenched around the phone, not breathing. He forced a breath into his body and stood back. He slipped the phone into his pocket and took a short moment to gather himself. He stepped out into the lobby area and waited only a moment before his pixie bride exited the ladies room next door.

She looked to him shyly, tote bag over one shoulder and the long dress draped over her arm. “Ran?” she asked quietly. “Allow me.” Ran answered, taking the dress from her, he guided her to the waiting chairs. “Let me take this to Yuri and check in our bags. I’ll return in a moment.” He turned toward the sliding glass doors. Yuri waited patiently with the luggage cart and car. Ran placed the dress carefully onto the back seat and tossed the suit onto the front passenger seat. “Thank you Yuri. Take these back to the house. Drape the dress across the bed, and the suit can be placed over the quilt rack. Then enjoy your vacation. I will see you when our flight returns in ten days.”

“very good sir.” Yuri replied, and, after assisting the luggage cart up onto the sidewalk, walked around the limo and drove away. Ran checked his watch. Their time was good. He made his way to baggage check, showed the VIP tickets and checked their luggage with the airline. The VIP line was empty at his arrival and he made excellent time. It was with fifteen minutes to spare before needing to report to security that Ran found himself making his way back toward the waiting lounge.

Spotting a coffee shop off to one side, Ran detoured. He placed an order for a hazelnut coffee and a strawberry tea and waited a moment for the order to be processed. He could not shake the feeling, the need, the insistent tug on his heart demanding that he call Yohji. He took the two cups to a table in the corner near the exit and pulled out his cell. It was almost 8:00 o’clock, he didn’t know Yohji’s time slot, or how long the sets ran, but he had to try. Try to hear Yohji’s voice at least once more before leaving for his _“honeymoon.”_ He hit speed-dial before he could talk himself out of it.

After the 4th ring, just when Ran expected the voicemail to pick up, he was blasted with sound coming from the earpiece. “Ran!?” Yohji yelled into the phone. “What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be on a plane? Are you ok?” Ran could hear the partying in the background, slightly fading as Yohji seemed to distance himself from the tumult. “Angel?” Yohji called again.

“Yohji” Ran breathed, almost groaned. Afraid to yell loud enough to really be heard over the party, he spoke firmly. “Yohji. I wanted to hear your voice before..... before I board... leave.” Ran hadn’t even considered the noise. Of course it would be chaos. Spring break events, at the beach, and in Florida no less. Why hadn’t he considered that?..... “Are things.... going well, there?” Ran inwardly cursed that he couldn’t call out his heart, his soul’s cries, and hoped Yohji understood his... reserve.

“Ah Babe.” Yohji replied and sighed. “You’re at the airport, hmm?” the background noise suddenly lessened and Yohji explained. “I’m in the shower pavilion now Babe. Closed the door. We got a couple minutes.” Yohji sighed again, then went on, voice husky as his throat tried to close off. “miss you Angel” Yohji murmured quietly.

“Me too Nissho.” Ran answered. “So much” he rasped. “Is –“ he coughed, just lightly, “Is the concert going well?”  

“yeah, it’s actually going..... good. Real good. Omi’s made some killer connections. WEISS is gonna come out of this... pretty set up. We’re... we’re gonna tour more Ran. When........ when you get back” Yohji’s voice broke and he cleared his throat quickly. Ran clenched his eyes shut, fist tightening around his coffee. His eyes flew open as the motion caused the coffee to spill over a bit. He hissed quietly and sucked on his hand as Yohji went on.

“When you ... get back, I’ll have WEISS’s new schedules. I’ll email everything. Omi should have all squared away by then. We’ll ....... we’ll get together Ran, when we’re both in New York. That sounds good-“

Ran cut into the false cheer. “Yohji. We **will**.” He hissed, “I swear, we will. We’ll make time, we’ll.... spend time. I -” Ran spotted Miko making her way toward baggage from the waiting lounge. “Yohji” he sighed, “I love you” he spoke sincerely, firmly, but quietly. “I... I have to go Nissho. Remember. Please. Always.”

“I will Ran.” he heard Yohji whisper. Then the phone went dead.

Ran stood slowly, slipping the cell into his pocket, and picked up the cups. “Miko” he called just as she passed by the shop. “I thought you could use some tea.” He stepped to her side. “Strawberry, right?” He knew he’d pleased her by the way she smiled up at him as she took her drink. “We have a few minutes before we need to check in at security, but let’s head that way in case there is a long line.” He steered her down the walkway with one hand at the small of her back.

She looked up at him, shy smile on her face, eyes downcast after a brief look into his eyes. Brief though the look was, it was telling. Yohji was right. *wasn’t he always?* As she gazed into Ran’s eyes, he saw it. The same look he saw in his own reflection whenever he found himself dreaming of Yohji. Damn. She _did_ think she was falling in love with him. Just because he was considerate, treated her with.... respect. She must be as starving for someone to care as he’d been himself, before Yohji. Her father was very traditional, as evidenced by his willingness to marry her off to secure business. Her mother was dead.... Ran sighed, softly. Yes. His .... consideration in dealing with her during the *courtship* would easily be misconstrued or accepted as.... affection. And, after tonight....

He knew she was a virgin. Pure. Innocent. He would awaken in her passions, as Yohji’d done for him, and that would cement her love for him. And someday..... someday Aya would wake, or Ran would find a way out of this prison, and would break her heart as surely as his was broken now.

How? How could he consider, contemplate.... being with her, touching her, arousing her, _taking_ her, taking what only should be given to one who would cherish it, one who would cherish it for the gift it was, cherish both it and her.

Instead.... all the while, as Ran touched her, took her, he would know what he would do at the first _possible_ opportunity.... the _instant_ the option became available. And that he would _continue_ in the farce, would continue to be intimate with her repeatedly.... in their _marriage_ bed. Yet, always, in the back of his mind, only waiting for the opportunity to betray her, to escape whenever he was able, to refresh his soul, to be with _Yohji_.... to kiss _Yohji...._ to _touch Yohji,_ to _hold Yohji,_ as he would _never_ hold her, to _be held_ by Yohji, to make love to _Yohji_....

But he would. He would do this, would do _whatever_ it took, to keep Aya safe, Yohji safe.

Ran pushed the thoughts from his mind. Aloof, apart, separate from himself. This was not him, it didn’t matter, nothing mattered but enduring until freedom could be won. And, someday, it would be over. He just had to imagine it as.... as a mission..... a challenge.... a prison.... Yes. He was a prisoner. A prisoner of war, coerced by the enemy. And just as prisoners of war would sometimes endure the indignities and tortures inflicted upon them by closing off their minds, by distancing the core of their being from what happened to the body, to the mind, during their captivity, by becoming.... someone else, so would Ran. He would have to, if he was to come out of this nightmare with any soul left......

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ran watched Miko as she lay sleeping against his shoulder. His wife. She wrinkled her nose as a shaft of sunlight pierced the clouds, shining across her face. She snuggled deeper into his shoulder before the clouds hid the sun again. There was no way he could reach over her to pull the shade down without dislodging and waking her. And he preferred that she sleep....

He wanted this time for himself. Some solitude to reflect and reorient himself, before they landed and he had to face New York and his life again. The last ten days had been a contrast in emotion. Anger and frustration at the injustice of it all. Hatred for Persia, burning hatred that at times threatened to utterly consume him. Worry for Yohji and Aya. Joy at visiting Paris, a dream for years, seeing all the beauty and art he’d often imagined. And guilt. Lots of guilt. Guilt at what he was doing to Miko and to Yohji. Guilt at the pleasure he was able to find, both in the visit of Paris and the physical pleasure he’d found in Miko’s body.

He’d been hesitant at first; their wedding night, as she stood there before him in the thin sil and lace negligee; unwilling to move forward for so many reasons..... Until he’d come to realize his dread was becoming noticeable, his hesitancy deepening Miko’s vulnerability and nervousness at baring her body to her new husband; a man she barely knew, yet cared for nonetheless.

Ran had locked away his doubts and thoughts, and pulled her close against his own body. Just standing there a moment , caressing her back, feeling her body warm against his, until she relaxed against him. She rested her head on his chest with a soft sigh, raising her arms to his waist tentatively.

“Miko.” He spoke softly, continuing to stroke her hair and back. “I’m sorry. This.... should be .... more, so much more. We barely know each other. Neither of us had any choice in this, and you should be giving yourself to a man you love beyond reason. Should be lost and consumed with need and passion, not trembling from fear about to give this most precious gift to a stranger.” Ran closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and brought to mind all the recent research he’d done in the realms of gentle pleasures; of rituals to ease maidens into womanhood. He’d read books recommended by internet searches, Jean Aeul’s “Valley of Horses” and “Mammoth Hunters” among others about ways to please a woman. Ways to ease her through this rite with little or no pain....

He leaned down and gently kissed her temple. Keeping his eyes closed he traced down and around her ear, then behind; noting the shiver that coursed through her as his tongue traced over a certain spot. He raised back up until her could caress her lips. He kissed gently, just open mouthed, drawing her lips into his mouth with gentle nips before easing his tongue into her mouth. She tasted of fruit, oranges and pineapple from the frozen dessert they’d enjoyed after dinner.

Her heart was pounding. He could feel it against his hand that had caressed from across her back to cup one breast. His other hand held her head, caressing the nape of her neck, fingertips grazing over that special spot he’d found. Her hands had come to rest on his biceps and she clung to him. Her breath grew ragged, and she gasped as he moved his hand to trace his palm over her breast. He slipped his hand into the gown, rubbing gently over her peaked nipple. “Ran” she called, breathless, eyes closed, head resting back into his cupping hand, completely trusting to his strength.

He rubbed his palm in gentle circles before grabbing the hardened nub between his fingers and pulling gently. She arced into the pull, leaning back. “Ran!” she cried out in her sweet, trembling, princess voice; followed by a whimper and light pants. Her knees began to buckle and Ran swept her into his arms, carrying her toward the bed.

Her arms instinctively came up around his neck, and her eyes flew to his, wide and darkened to almost black with desire. She smiled at him and ran one delicate hand over his jaw. “I give myself to you, Ran. No, we did not choose, but.... had we been given a choice, I .... I may very well have chosen you. You are.....” she lowered her eyes and went on, shyly. “You are very .... sexy, Ran. And I .... I like your voice.” She traced circles over his shoulder, watching her hand as he lowered her gently to the bed. “you’re smart, cultured, yet easy to talk to; you’re fit and strong.... well muscled. When I am with you, I feel safe, shielded, protected. Love can grow Ran, it can.”

She looked up at him and brought her hand up to trace his lips. “I will be a good wife to you, I swear. I will do all I can, to cultivate that love. This is a beginning for us. I give myself to you, Ran and do so willingly.” She traced over his lips again, then raised her eyes to his. Vulnerable again with the passions cooled, shyly she asked, “Will you kiss me again?” she moved her hand back into his hair and looked up at him. So innocent, so trusting....

Ran closed his eyes, sighed.... raged.... cried inwardly and cupped her face with his right hand, leaning down to renew his seduction.

Over the days that followed Ran learned her body and discovered that he could find mindless, physical pleasure in another body; just as Yohji’d said. And he also found, as Yohji’d said he would, that he grew to care for her; to _want_ to bring her pleasure at his touch, not to just take her for his own. He didn’t love her, not as he did Yohji, but he did care about her.

If this weren’t such a horrible, terrible situation, he could even consider her a friend. She had a sharp mind, eager to learn, for someone to hear her and not to only see her as a commodity or a servant. She had a quick wit and was truly caring and compassionate. He found himself enjoying being the cause of her smile; pointing out areas of interest as they explored Paris. Watching various street performers, sidewalk artists, laughing at bumbling tourists or street clowns, taking in the amazing architecture and works of art all around them. She was delighted to learn that he painted and would sit quietly with him as he sketched the scenes around them, working on her own embroidery or reading a book.

Yes, perhaps.... perhaps they could be friends. Oh not, not _true_ friends. He could never really confide in her, not about Yohji and Persia, not the secret parts of his heart. But, they shared some interests, they found pleasure in each other, and.... she would understand about Aya. They’d been friendly as girls during those extended summer visits. She would understand the loss, miss the vitality warmth, as he did.....

Ran looked again at his sleeping bride and sighed. As though she felt his gaze, she stirred. Smiling sleepily up at him before stretching carefully in her seat she asked, “Ran? Are we close?”

“yes” he murmured. “We’ll touch down in less than an hour. Should I call the attendant? Are you thirsty?”

“Oh that would be wonderful Ran, thank you.” She smiled and pulled out her bag to freshen up as Ran ordered her a chilled juice and bagel, familiar with her tastes and preferences now.

Yuri was waiting as they came to the luggage claim and quietly loaded their bags onto the wheeled cart. They followed as he made his way to the limousine park, and Ran assisted Miko into the passenger side as Yuri began to store the bags. As he stood back to close the door, his eyes found and were captured by deep emerald from across the lot.

He froze. Just stopped a moment, unable to breathe. Yohji. He closed the door, eyes never leaving Yohji, drinking in the vision, filling his sight with Yohji’s perfection. Yohji raised one hand holding his cell phone and deliberately pressed a button. A moment later, Ran’s phone beeped once in his breast pocket. He placed his hand over the phone and began to walk around the car. But, as he started to head out across the lot rather than making the turn toward the door, Yohji shook his head and deliberately mouthed, distinctly. *no, not now*

Ran stopped and Yohji let his gaze wander over Ran’s figure before coming back to rest on his face. Yohji took a deep breath, shook his head, and turned to walk away, one hand raised in a wave, then dropping to light a smoke as he walked.

It took all of Ran’s discipline not to follow. Pressing the cell tighter against his heart he took a deep breath and turned to Yuri. He was surprised to see a look of sympathy in those black eyes before the mask of indifference worn by all servants reformed. “shall we go sir?” Yuri asked quietly.

Ran blinked, shook himself, and answered. “Yes Yuri. Thank you. Let’s get to the Tow-“ he stopped. Took a quick breath and began again, “to the house, please”

Ran opened the door and seated himself next to Miko as Yuri made a show of closing the trunk, moving a few bags around as though they’d only just finished with the luggage. Ran made a mental note to give Yuri a raise.

“Let’s go home Ran,” Miko murmured tiredly as she raised her head from where she’d rested it and snuggled up to his right arm. Ran lay his own head back on the seat and closed his eyes. He pictured Yohji again behind his closed eyelids. His intense gaze, the sun shining off his beautiful hair.... Unconsciously, Ran tapped his hand against the cell in his pocket. He wanted so badly to read the message, but wanted to be alone, to be able to savor it, to hear Yohji’s voice speaking whatever words were waiting there....

They arrived at his and Miko’s “home” and he and Yuri unloaded the bags quickly. He saw Yuri off, thanking him quietly and discreetly slipped him a nice tip. He convinced Miko to soak in a nice hot bath while he sorted things out, then she would prepare them a light dinner while he showered before leaving for the hospital to see Aya. Finally see Aya.....

Miko’d tried to convince him to sleep off the jet lag and go tomorrow, but he was adamant that he see Aya tonight. He’d have gone straight there instead of coming here, but of course he could not. First, he didn’t really want Miko to understand how desperate he was, what was going on. And he didn’t want her there either. He needed to see Aya for himself, by himself, after so long apart. He hadn’t gone more than two days without seeing her since her injury, not counting the London trip, and then he’d had Yohji as a stand in....

Persia’d returned Aya to the hospital that had provided such impeccable care for so long, from wherever she’d been relocated, and finally he would see her. As soon as he’d received the email from Persia yesterday he’d called and gone through a complete report. Nothing had changed. She was in the same condition, no signs of awakening.... but at least no change also meant she was unharmed by her seclusion. She’d lost no weight, her skin remained unblemished, her vitals all normal. At least according to the report. But Ran had to see her for himself, had to _know_ she was truly alright. Unharmed. _Safe_. **_Back._**

Miko had agreed to remain here tonight, to rest from their long flight, understanding Ran’s need to see Aya alone after such a long separation. Even if she did think it was due to her need for “isolation.”

Once he saw Miko safely sunk down into the bubbles of the deep, recessed, overlarge bath, he returned to the bedroom, and sat on the edge of the bed.

He opened his cell with trembling hands to find Yohji’s welcome message. “Welcome home. Missed you, a lot. Check your email as soon as possible. “ that was it. Ran was slightly disappointed, but, well, his cell wasn’t as secure as his email was. Now that he was a “married man” it was always possible Miko may use the phone. Ran quickly booted up the laptop on the bedroom desk and logged in to his personal email.

_“Angel, Lover, Koi, Ran:_

_I love you. I missed you. Dreamed of you. Your touch, your tasted, your arms, your smile...._

_I wish we could have experienced Paris together. I bet you were in heaven with all that art and atmosphere everywhere. And I bet as much as you loved it, you hated yourself for enjoying anything. Don’t. It’s OK Ran, to find joy or comfort in a bad situation. I’m glad it was Paris. At least you got to have that dream. Who knows, maybe someday we can go there together._

_Omi did some incredible PR work for WEISS while we were in Florida, even hit the Mtv Spring Break circuit of interviews for a bit, and we have upgraded our contract somewhat. We leave Saturday morning for a 12 week spread of one and two day concerts all over the east coast, and even inland as far as Cleveland. All the exposure from this short tour and the online stuff Omi has going very likely will lead to more.... It looks like we have finally hit “our big break” and it’s about time. We’ve sure worked hard enough for it...._

_One good thing is that we’ll be so busy with photo shoots and interviews and recording, filming, that I won’t have time to wallow. I’ll still miss you, but I won’t just be .... sitting, waiting...._

_Anyway, today you come home. I have to see you, and will be watching in the shadows at the airport. If I can’t help myself, and I give in, to look into your eyes, let myself be seen, well.... I hope it’s OK. I hope it .... helps, not hurts. Both of us._

_I love you Ran. I know you’re gonna be really busy, just getting back. And I know, or at least I hope, you’ll be spending time with Aya. And I know three days is short notice, but, God, I hope we can have some time, together, before WEISS leaves....._

_Email me. The guys know, I am yours at a word as long as, and whenever, we are in New York. We’ve wrapped the studio work as of this afternoon, so.... my days, and of course, my nights are.... open._

_Yours, always,_

_Yohji”_

Ran read the message through twice, then looked shortly at his calendar. Today was the 8th , Tuesday. Saturday was the 12th. Tonight, as soon as they’d refreshed and eaten, he would finally see Aya.

He was scheduled to return to the office tomorrow afternoon. That left Thursday and Friday to try to schedule some time with Yohji before he left Saturday morning. For twelve weeks. God. Three months....

Ran checked quickly through his online calendar for the office. Bless Tina, she’d booked him light. Mostly catch up paperwork, only a few meetings set for Friday. He knew various deliveries were scheduled to be made to the house tomorrow and one on Thursday morning. Furniture and other items, drapes, plants, etc. that they’d *Miko* selected. Miko would be setting up the house to become their home. She would be occupied and busy.

Ran quickly blocked out the afternoon and evening of Thursday off his work calendar and sent Tina an email with details to schedule Miko a shopping spree and full pampering spa day for Thursday afternoon and evening: shopping, hair, nails, facial, massage, dinner... everything. She wouldn’t get home until after 8.

He arranged for the certificate to be delivered to the house by limousine Thursday just after lunch, with flowers and a card with a message from Ran thanking her for all of her work at creating their home and for her to pamper herself, with a driver at her disposal. He then emailed Yohji to let him know he’d be at the Towers by 2pm Thursday.

Logging off, Ran sorted through their bags, separating what would need to be put away from what needed to be cleaned or otherwise needed attention. As he placed the last bag into the hallway, Miko came from the bath, wrapped in her sky blue satin robe. “I’ll make us some soup and sandwiches, shall I Ran?” she asked quietly.

He stood from placing the bag and nodded. “that sounds good Miko. I’ve sorted most of this. I’ll grab a quick shower and join you before I leave for the hospital.”

She nodded, smiled, and gave him a soft kiss before leaving the room.

Ran contained himself admirably during dinner, letting none of his desire to bolt from the house show through. He forced himself to eat the dinner Miko’d prepared, quite delicious in fact, and helped to clear the dishes before slipping on his leather jacket.

As he shrugged it onto his shoulders he turned toward Miko in the archway leading into the kitchen. “I’ll be late. Don’t try to wait up.”

“I’m glad she’s doing better Ran.” she stepped forward onto her tiptoes to kiss Ran lightly. “if I’m sleeping when you come home, if I don’t wake” she tiptoed up to kiss him gently, “Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning before you go to the office.” She stepped back and watched as he took his keys from the hook by the door and exited the side door to the garage. Ran flipped the switch by the door and pressed the remote mounted there as he entered the garage. His eyes fell on the beauty sitting there under the fluorescent lights.

As the shackles of the forced marriage decreed by Persia had settled over Ran’s soul, and he’d found no glimmer of hope for escape, Ran had grown rebellious in a way he’d never before experienced. In his position with Krittiker Ran had a hefty expense account that he’d almost never used. He’d paid for flights and such, like the trip to London, from the account, but had never really indulged in the perks available.

He’d been more than willing to allow Persia to reclaim any ‘surplus’ funds at each budget review and apply those funds to Aya’s care. Anything to shut the prick up in his bitching about the exorbitant costs of maintaining her care. At the outset he’d told Persia to take any funds left each budget year for the hospital. But. In January, Persia’d taken her. Ran didn’t know where she was, who cared for her, anything. And dammed if he was gonna give Persia any money.

Besides, he’d reasoned, his monthly salary was half what any comparable company would pay, reduced almost immediately as his trust fund disbursement was final. Persia owed him. Not only for the money he’d shafted him, not only for the horrible excuse for a father he’d been to both Ran and Aya, not only for taking Aya away and forcing this marriage, but for hurting Yohji.

And Ran knew, the absolute best way to get to Persia was in the bank accounts. The man had no qualms spending for his own luxury, but it just killed him to have to spend money on Ran or Aya.

Ran had acquisitioned the funds under his executive contract for a company funded vehicle expenditure. He’d reasoned that as a married man, with a wife from another country who’d never driven, she would need the safety and convenience of the limo he’d been regularly assigned.

Ran didn’t want her taking a cab everywhere. It wasn’t safe. Not for the wife of a high profile executive. She was taking driving lessons, but there was no reason really for her to drive. She was the trophy wife. Part of Persia’s contract with Esset. Let her be displayed, pampered.

Besides, while the Towers had had limousine parking available given the clientele of executives and celebrities living there, this little house Persia had provided did not. A car was on call for Miko at all times, a fifteen minute wait at most if she wanted to get out, but if Ran wanted to go somewhere after he’d returned home from the office, to the hospital, take his *wife* to dinner, whatever, it made sense to have a car. If Ran had any need of a limo he could still always commission one from the Krittiker pool.

So, Ran had taken his entire executive stipend and bought a beautiful baby of his own. Ran grinned outright at the thought of Aya’s sure fire, smart comment about using Persia’s money to but himself this beauty. Very similar to the one he’d seen that day at the car show with Yohji, it was pearlescent white Porsche, shimmering with color in the sunlight, and deep, dark violet leather and oak interior, with a state of the art sound system.

Ran trailed a hand down the fender as he made his way to the driver’s door. He had to laugh at himself as he started the engine and sat for a moment enjoying the powerful purr. He revved it twice, and chuckled. He’d actually _missed_ the damn car. How do you develop affection for a car? Yohji loved his ‘vette, but hell, his parents’ deaths had purchased it, it was all wrapped up in their being gone. This car... it was almost like blood money or stud service, but ... still, Ran inhaled the smell of the leather, felt the vibration of the car. Yes. He loved the damn thing.

He shook his head as he backed from the open garage and waited until the door had closed and the outside light had blinked twice to show the security system was reset before pulling the rest of the way from the driveway and turning toward the familiar pathway to the hospital.

A tingle of anticipation burned in his chest and his throat tightened at the thought that he was actually on his way to Aya’s bedside. Finally, he would see her again.

Ran parked the Porsche at the farthest lit parking spot, away from the likelihood of others parking close by. He’d put a fence around it every time he parked if he thought he could get away with it. As it was, the far edge parking was the best he could do.

Setting the alarm, Ran turned toward the hospital. He froze a moment at the pain that shot through him and swayed a moment before clenching his teeth and taking a deep breath. Using every ounce of self control he possessed, Ran walked into the building instead of running flat out.

Ran stopped once again outside Aya’s door, jut drinking in the sight of her lying there, watching the rise and fall of the blankets. Alive, safe, _here._

He pushed through the door and stepped to her side. With a trembling hand he reached out and took her small hand into his. The other hand traced the tendrils of soft hair fanned out on the pillow. “God I’ve missed you Aya. So much.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek then just stood there a moment, taking in the vision of her, searching her face. She was no thinner, she’d received proper nutrition it seemed. Her skin tone was good, heartbeat strong....

Ran sank to his knees at the side of the bed, not letting go of her hand. He rested his head against the edge of the mattress. “I’m sorry Aya. So sorry. I swear, someday I will find a way out for us. There has to be a way.” He choked as a sob tried to escape. ”if only you’d wake up Aya. I miss you.” he sighed, then settling comfortably began to talk to her as he’d always done, bringing her up to date in his life.....

 


	12. Chapter 12

** MUSIC OF MY SOUL – CHAPTER 12 **

 

 

** Distance  **

 

Ran tuned out the monotonous tones of the peon delivering the upcoming budget proposals and the stats for the recently signed talents. He had zero interest in the status of Krittiker’s finances. Unless that little piss ant was about to tell them Krittiker was bankrupt and being confiscated by the I.R.S., resulting in Persia going to prison and Ran thereby being free, nothing he said could matter at all.

Instead, Ran focused his thoughts on the upcoming weekend. It had been almost five months since his *wedding.* During that time, he and Yohji had enjoyed precious few hours together. They’d had that one long Thursday together when he’d returned from Paris. Then WEISS left on their extended tour.

They’d had one day together during that three month stint. One day after six weeks apart when he’d by chance accompanied Mamaru to a charity appearance in Toronto during the same weekend that WEISS had a show there. One day they’d had together while he sent Mamaru off to enjoy the sights and night life on his own.

Then, WEISS finally returned to New York to stay for a while. Just over a week before they’d left again for a tour of the talk show circuit, Mtv video shots, on location stuff; garnering more exposure. Hours stolen here and there, occasional evenings, or emails could not compare to the loss endured, could not hope to soothe the ache left by the time apart.....

This weekend was Yohji’s birthday. Having been apart for their one year anniversary of meeting and their first date, Ran had determined come hell or high water he would be with Yohji for his birthday; even if he had to dream up something to travel to wherever WEISS was. But, luckily, Omi’d worked out the schedule so WEISS was back home, and scheduled off for a few weeks.

Yohji’d kept in touch by email while WEISS traveled, keeping Ran informed of WEISS’s advancement and the contract magic Omi was performing. Their popularity was soaring. The website got numerous hits, and they received fan mail both electronically and snail mail daily. To handle the growing need for PR they hired an executive assistant to interact with the press and process details. Someone similar to Ran for Mamaru. She worked for WEISS, not for the recording company. She had their best interest at heart and had an objective eye for what was good for the band. Manx, Yohji’d said her name was. An odd name, but a beautiful woman.

Ran hadn’t met her, but he’d seen photos in the paper and on the newscasts. A beautiful redhead. A part of him, a small part, worried at the attraction that the rag magazines built between the two, especially given Yohji’s known penchant for redheads. Not to mention the obvious attraction she held for Yohji. Those photos of the two together clearly showed the looks she gave Yohji. And while some of it may be build up for the press, Ran was certain a good portion of the attraction was real.

He was familiar with manipulating the press, he’d done it several times for clients of his own. Ran could see why the two were fodder for the media. Building on the hetero attraction was good for WEISS. Especially after Omi and Ken made it know they were together. To have Jei and Yohji seen as free and hetero, or at least bi, gave hope to the rabid fans. Besides, with the friendship between Ran and Yohji being so close, this diverted any unwanted attention or speculation about them...

Ran knew about this aspect of stardom. He set up publicity stunts all the time for his clients. He knew it was all media BS, but..... still. He saw how she looked at Yohji. And, in all fairness, while they were separated by this farce he could, and did, find release with Miko. Not just physical release, but emotional comfort as well. How could he fault Yohji if he turned to someone?

Suddenly, Ran couldn’t breathe. His eyes snapped open and he stood suddenly before he remembered he was in the damn budget meeting. “Ran?” Persia snarled. All eyes flew to Ran at the harsh sound of the chair scraping across the marble tiles from his lurching upward.

“Sorry,” Ran gasped, letting some of the sickness he was feeling show through the Krittiker mask. “I think something from lunch didn’t agree with me.” He bolted from the room and made his way to the executive washroom.

Sitting in the end stall, he suddenly did feel sick, very sick. God. How _could_ he fault Yohji if he found release with someone? Yohji knew, they **never** talked about it, Ran could never do that to Yohji, but .....but Yohji knew: Ran had Miko. Ran slept with her, regularly. And knowing Ran, Yohji knew that, despite all Ran’s intentions, despite everything, it wasn’t just a fuck either.

Yohji was right. Ran couldn’t be intimate with someone, inside someone, and have it be just a body, just a mindless, physical experience. He did care for her. He cared about her pleasure, was careful to always bring her to passion... he didn’t love her. He **didn’t** make love to her. It was sex. But, sex with a friend, sex with someone he cared for. No matter if it felt like he was shredding his heart each time he felt her shudder beneath him, each time he fell over the edge inside her and _WISHED,_ with all that he was, that it was Yohji. It wasn’t. He knew it was her, who he was with.....

Yohji was alone. Desperately alone. And hurting. How could Ran imagine that Yohji would _stay_ that way? Women, and men, threw themselves at Yohji constantly. Even before WEISS became as popular as they were, it had been this way. Ran had seen it himself. Yohji was magnetic. He drew lovers like moths to a flame. He just oozed sex, pleasure, lust...passion. if Yohji did choose to chase away the pain, to not be alone for a time, to find release Ran could never, ever fault him.

And Ran knew too, knowing Yohji as _he_ did, the Yohji _was_ perfectly capable of being with someone just for the passion. No emotional involvement, just a body, a physical release. Yohji’d explained to him how he’d shut down emotionally after Asuka. How he’d learned to lose himself to physical sensations.... sex, alcohol, drugs, dancing... anything to numb the pain. to bury it under his senses.

Ran knew too that Yohji was hurting now just as badly as he’d hurt after Asuka’s attack. Maybe worse. With Asuka, she’d still been there, at first. Hurting, broken, but there. Yohji’d had a purpose trying to help. Then, she’d taken her life. And when she did, she was _gone._ Utterly gone. _Ran_ was gone, but not really. He was there, just out of reach. In sight, but untouchable most of the time.... and worse, Ran was _sleeping with someone else._ Not just staying there, not just spending time with, but touching and being touched by, someone else.....while Yohji all but watched. From a distance. Alone.

Ran panted with the effort not to be sick, but finally gave up and heaved into the bowl, until finally, shaking, he sat back and wiped his mouth. Just as he leaned back against the stall door, he heard a soft voice: “Mr. Fujimiya, are you ok?”

He thought he recognized the voice. A junior executive assistant, recently joining the team, who’d been in the budget meeting. Joe maybe. Ran cleared his throat. “I’m... I’m fine.” He assured. He stood, shakily, and left the stall. He washed his hands and rinsed his mouth at the sink. “I think, maybe the potato salad at lunch was.... off. Tell Persia, I’m leaving.” He glanced at the kid and left the washroom.

After explaining to Tina about the “potato salad” and that he likely wouldn’t be in tomorrow either, he left.

He’d made plans for Miko to spend a long weekend at an island resort with her cousin who was visiting from Japan. They were to leave tonight and would return Sunday evening. He could have the whole weekend with Yohji. Persia never pushed the working all weekend button anymore. Still newly wed, it would send the wrong message to Miko’s father if Ran were away every weekend.

WEISS was here this weekend. Down time. Damned if Ran was going to waste this unexpected opportunity. He’d drop by, see Yohji, have an early dinner and then take Miko to the airport before coming back for the night. Yohji didn’t expect him until later after the airport. He’d surprise him. He had to see Yohji. Now.

Ran pulled into the private parking basement at the Towers rather than the outside lot. He entered the security code for the elevator and composed himself on the ride upstairs. He tried to stop shaking as he made his way down the hall, but it seemed out of his control.

Taking a deep breath, he made his way to the doorway and took a deep breath before trying the handle. The door was locked and several scenarios went through Ran’s mind for _why_ the door was locked, before Ran clamped down on the fear and forced those thoughts from his mind. Yohji was probably out. Even if... if he... _were_ to... be with someone, he certainly wouldn’t bring them **_here._** Ran unlocked the door and let himself into the apartment.

Ran stood just inside the door, stunned, as he took in the room. He hadn’t been back here since the welcome home after Paris. The apartment was... well, chaos was really the only way to describe it. Suitcases in various stages of packed/unpacked were all over. On the sofa, the chair, in the hallway. Empty beer cans and liquor bottles were scattered everywhere among pizza boxes and McD bags..... the coffee table was buried, the floor near the sofa, the table near the balcony door.....

Ran made his way further into the apartment. The kitchen was worse. Yohji’d obviously been drinking. A lot. Losing himself to the haze and numbness of alcohol. He’d told Ran of his coping mechanism when he lost Asuka. Living in a blur. Numb to his surroundings and pain. how WEISS and Schu’d pulled him from the depths of apathy, despair. But. He’d lived with them then, been with someone almost constantly. It’d been easier for someone to notice if he overdid it. Someone was there, close by , to see the destruction building.

Now.... now Yohji was living alone; at the apartment where they’d lived and loved so fiercely. Alone, but surrounded by Ran. Schuldig was teaching and busy, and just not around, physically now, as much as he’d been back then, and WEISS was touring, recording, making videos.... everyone was so busy, so.... distracted.

Ran felt cold fear clutch at his heart as he considered things. A new fear now. Forgotten was the fear of Yohji finding warmth in another, now he feared Yohji losing himself to a different darkness. Yohji was very emotional. He amplified things. Ran knew that, he knew Yohji fell hard, and lost himself deeply. What if Yohji got lost, lost in the dark?

Ran knew Yohji could put on an act very well. He was capable of wearing a mask such that no one would guess just how deeply he was hurting. Especially if he was numb with drink or drugs. With him living alone, and the guys busy and distracted, he couold show up at the studio, or video or photo shoots, put on his mask, and they would have no clue just how far gone he was. How much he was dying.... sinking.

Yohji’s emails had grown more distant over the last few weeks, less those of a lover and more those of a distant friend – as though they were just good friends, like they made out to the media. He didn’t try to initiate phone sex anymore, or describe what he wanted to do, or hae done to him in emails... Ran had supposed it was too frustrating when it was all going to be left to “rosy palm” to handle, and had refrqained too to not frustrate Yohji. He wondered now if he should have pushed that aspect more. Maybe Yohji felt .... undesired, or.... cast aside...

Ran heard something down the hall and quickly made his way to the bedroom. Yohji. He looked terrible. Gaunt. Pale. And obviously passed out stoned or drunk. More cases of cans and bottles littered the bedroom. Yohji lay rumpled in the center of the bed, naked, one hand wrapped around himself as though he’d fallen asleep reaching for or right after climax. He looked.... sad, almost... in pain, even in sleep. Not the peaceful beautiful Yohji Ran knew.

Not expecting Ran until around 9 this evening, he’d likely thought to sleep it off and then clean up, hide this.... Ran made a swift decision. Making his way back to the living room, he pulled out his cell. “miko” he said quietly when she answered. He explained about the “potato salad” incident, and reassured her he was okay, likely a bad lunch. But, just in case it was a precursor to something else, he didn’t want to expose her before her weekend get-a-way with her cousin. He explained his rock star friend was in town and he would crash there. They were gonna have a guy’s night anyway. Her cousin was already there, and she had Yuri to take her to the airport. After confirming that Yuri had arranged her pick up he wished her well and promised to see her when she returned.

Hanging up he sighed deeply. He pocketed the cell and quietly began to clean up. Three hours or so later, as he pulled another batch of pasties from the oven , he saw from the corner of his eye a bleary eyed, unsteady Yohji enter the kitchen wrapped in his plush green robe. “Ran?” Yohji asked, incredulous, “What the hell are you doing here?” Yohji blinked and looked around at the clean kitchen and the racks of cooling pasties, burritos and the pot of soup on the stove.

Ran carefully sat the hot tray he’d just pulled from the oven onto the stove, and slipped another batch in, setting the timer before turning. Sighing, he answered, “Nissho. Yohji.” Ran stepped close to Yohji, who was now leaning against the door frame, a look of confusion and, yes irritation, on his face. “Are you alright, Yohji?” Ran asked and leaned in to caress Yohji’s jaw before placing a soft kiss on the side of his neck.

“Fuck that Ran.” Yohji pulled back, shaking his head, missing the flash of hurt in Ran’s eyes, “I’m fine.” He waved off any concern, “What the hell are you doing here before even fucking six o’clock?” he glanced around the kitchen again, “And how damn early did you get here? What’s going on?”

Yohji patted his robe pocket absently, and Ran reached over to the counter, proferring a pack of cigarettes and lighter. As Yohji lit up and inhaled, eyes closed, Ran leaned back against the counter. “I left the office early, shortly after lunch. Ditched the budget meeting and begged off with Miko. I.... I wanted to see you.”

“You did huh? Yohji exhaled a trail of smoke, “why didn’t you wake me? How long you been here? Did you clean the whole place?” Yohji glanced back over his shoulder toward the living room, then turned back to the kitchen, “And you’ve been cooking? A lot. What the hell? Expecting a party? That’s a lot of food Ran.”

Ran sighed, “you’ve been living on junk food. I figured if I cook up and freeze a few batches of things you like, you wont have to resort to burgers and pizza.”

Yohji sighed, “I like pizza Ran.” he raked his hand through his hair. Then deflated a bit. “But I like your cooking more. Look, IU’m gonna grab a shower. I’ll be back in a bit.” He turned, taking a few steps, missing Ran’s involuntarily raised had and the stunned look on Ran’s face. But he stopped just outside the doorway, took a deep breath, and tunred back. As he did, he caught the movement of Ran’s hand dropping to his side.

He searched Ran’s face a moment, then two quick strides brought him to Ran and he swept him into his arms. Some part of him took in Ran’s grip holing him just as tightly as he clung to Ran. “I’ve missed you Angel” he rasped, “so fucking much. I need a shower, and a toothbrush, to be human. But, I need you more.” He turned and nuzzled into Ran’s neck briefly, then pulled back. “Turn off the oven and come shower with me.”

Ran squeezed tighter before stepping back enough to take Yohji in a hard, needy kiss. Cutting it short, he stepped back and turned off the oven. Removing the tray of pasties, he slipped them onto the stove and shut off the timer. Turning back he smiled. “you do need a shower, and a toothbrush, but I don’t care.” He stepped back in and kissed Yohji tenderly, slowly before turning toward the bedroom. “let’s get you cleaned up.”

Yohji looked sheepish and turned his gaze away as they made their way to the bedroom. “you’re early Ran.” he shook his head, “I was gonna have the place cleaned up and have some real food ready when you got here.”

“I figured’” Ran answered “I was very early. I didn’t mean to... well, I meant to surprise you, but not in a bad way. I.... I really wanted to see you.” Ran watched as Yohji undressed and entered the shower. He followed shortly, and pulled Yohji back against his chest under the warm spray. Yohji leaned into Ran’s support. Letting his head fall back onto Ran’s shoulder. Ran stood there a bit, just enjoying an arm full of Yohji. Finally she stood up from against the tile and pushed them a step forward.

He began to lather Yohji’s hair, shivering a bit at Yohji’s moan. Yohji loved it when Ran played with his hair and Ran loved to run his fingers through the honey silk. Washing Yohji’s hair was a favorite pastime of his. He massaged Yohji’s scalp, then down over his neck an shoulders. He kept constant contact as he rinsed, then worked on the conditioner.

Yohji turned, taking his own turn at washing Ran while the conditioner soaked. He washed ran’s hair, and then pulled them both under the spray to rinse. Stepping back forward Yohji began to lightly trace his hands over Ran’s body, then following his fingers’ path with his tongue. Soon, he found himself on his knees looking up at a flushed, lightly panting Ran.

He kept his eyes locked on Ran, holding his gaze. “I’ve missed you Ran. Missed feeling your hard, hot cock in my mouth.” At Ran’s gasp he lunged forward, engulfing Ran deep into his throat. Ran’s hands tightened in his hair, as his back arched and his head fell back. “Yohji” he moaned, deep and long.

Yohji ran his hands up over Ran’s muscled thighs, tracing back over that fine ass, then forward to cup his heavy sac. “yes Yohji” ran moaned again, dropping his hand to Yohji’s shoulders, surrendering himself to Yohji.

Yohji eased back a bit, then gently encouraged Ran’s hips to rock until he was in a steady, smooth rhythm. He traced his hand back, into Ran’s cleft, and pressed his fingers against his pucker. ‘Yohji!’ Ran rocked harder, “yes Yohji, inside me” his rocking grew more frantic until Yohji pressed him back against the tile. He eased his fingers inside, gently, slowly, twisting, scissoring, until Ran was panting, clenching his shoulders, begging insensibly: ”Yohji, oh fuck, Yohji please, I need you, your cock, yes Yohji.”

Releasing Ran’s cock from his mouth, Yohji pushed gently, “turn around Ran.” he groaned. Blindly Ran obeyed, overcome with need, he couldn’t stop rocking against those fingers still working inside him. Yohji grabbed the baby oil from the shelf and drizzled it over his hand and Ran, easing the slide. “Ran” he growled, “I am going to fuck you Ran, now.”

He positioned himself even as Ran called out, ‘yes Yohji, please yes.” He bent Ran over to grasp the edge of the tub, leaving his ass high. Watching his cock press against Ran’s pucker he growled again, “hold on Ran” he plunged into Ran’s tightness in one deep slide, watching his cock disappear into that tight heat, watching Ran’s body pull at him, feeling the grip pulling.

“Ahh!” Ran called out, throwing his head back as Yohji filled him, pushing back, straightening his legs ad locking his knees. “Yohji!’

Yohji’s grip tightened on Ran’s hips, holding him at the angle so he could see every thrust as he felt it, see Ran open for him. He thurst deeply, harshly, “Ran.” he growled, “ran, so long Ran.”

Ran started to raise himself up, but Yohji pushed him back down, “hold on Ran.... hold - on, because - because... I can’t” Yohji’s thrusts increased in speed and depth as he lost himself in fucking Ran. “so – long.” He growled, “So... hot. So.. tight” he pounded into Ran, barely easing up as he felt Ran’s feet slip a bit. Yohji threw his head back as he felt the eruption coming, “Ran. Ran, I”

Ran pushed himself back against Yohji, tighter, taking him deeper, and locking his left arm, reached his right hand down to pump his own cock. “Yohji” he cried, giving voice to the pleasure Yohji brought him. “yes Yohji, fuck me Yohji”

That did it. He was rewarded by Yohji’s wordless growl and hard, deep, pounding thrusts. Suddenly Yohji froze, deep deep inside, and a keening cry was pulled from him, echoing in the bathroom. Feet planted, grip bruising his hips, fingers digging in, Ran was overwhelmed by the hot pulsing of Yohji splashing against his prostate, and the need Yohji had for him, pushing him over the edge into his own release.

He pulled and squeezed as he erupted against the edge of the tub. After a moment, spent, he dropped his hand, bringing it back to the tubs edge to keep himself from falling over. He felt Yohji stagger behind him as he came back to the present, then his easing back gently. “shit Ran.” Yohji hissed, “I’m sorry”

“I’m not.” Ran’s deep voice was warm, loving, sincere. “I’m not sorry at all Yohji. That was... incredible. I needed you too Nissho, just as much.”

Yohji leaned down and helped Ran to stand, running them both under the now cooling spray before they stepped out and into their robes. Yohji stopped at the sink to brush his teeth, then turned, pulling Ran in for a minty, languid kiss. They staggered to the bed and curled up around each other.

“I didn’t mean to be so rough Angel, just.... it’s been so _long._ ” Yohji moaned as he buried his face in Ran’s hair. Ran wrapped his arms around Yohji, pulling him in close, “I know Nissho. I missed you too, so so much.”

Ran moved them around so he was resting on Yohji’s shoulder, Yohji’s arms holding tight, and ran his hands over Yohji’s chest and stomach. “that’s why I came early Yohji. I had to see you. I didn’t mean to catch you off guard, or anything. I just had to see you.” he twirled a finger around a nipple. “you worried me Nissho. When I arrived. Are you... ok? I mean, I know your not _okay_ but,” he sighed, “You know what I mean.” He trailed off.

Yohji sighed, “Yeah, I know. No, obviously, I am not okay. But, it’s not as bad as it looks. I haven’t cleaned up in a while. Most of this mess is from before we left on this last trip. Things snuck up on me then and I didn’t straighten before we flew out.” He took a deep breath, “I meant to have most of this, and myself, cleaned up before you got here,” he glanced over at the clock, “in another couple hours.”

Ran tilted his head back, looking up at Yohji. Ran’s eyes were solemn, nothing new there, but he didn’t rise to the teasing tone Yohji tried to use. “I thought as much.” Ran said. He kept looking at Yohji, some expression Yohji didn’t understand playing across his features, along with the worry already there.

Ran cleared his throat, closed his eyes, and snuggled in deeper against Yohji. “I’m glad I came early Yohji. I’m glad I saw. I don’t want your mask, your act. I know you’re hurting. I know it’s easier to interact with the mask, that somehow it masks part of the pain from yourself. And while I don’t’ want to see you hurt, especially from pain caused by me, I don’t want the front, the act, either. If you’re pissed, or depressed, in a dark or black mood, angry... don’t cover it, don’t bury it and hide it from me, smiling and pretending. It’ll just fester and grow worse.”

He turned again, looking back up at Yohji. “I know. Please, don’t lie to me Yohji. Don’t hide. Not from me.” Yohji held Ran’s gaze from some time before closing his eyes. “I understand Ran.” he trailed his fingers through Ran’s hair, twirling an eartail between his fingers, “and sometimes I do need the mask. The darkness is _right there_ Ran. like quicksand, trying to suck me in. especially during down time. Here, alone, at night....”

he let his voice trail off, then started up in a bit when Ran didn’t say anything, just held him tighter. “When I’m out with WEISS, performing, with fans, in clubs, I have a focus. I’m ab le to lose this, lose me, bury it. But when I’m sitting here, waiting for a call, or a visit, that may or may not come, I can’t think of anything but you. Either **this** you, **my** you” his hold tightened, “your love, your touch, your voice. Or worse, I dream of you, feel you remember you, taste you, then... I wake up,” Yohji all but growled, then his hold fell away, “I start _wanting_ you, and I can’t _have_ you, unless that rare call comes, and then I’m left to my own touch, my faithful “rosy palm” and her buddy Jack Daniels.”

Yohji’s voice had grown hard, bitter, and Ran knew he wasn’t done, not at all. Yohji’s hold grew tighter, fierce “then I think of or dream of the _other_ you. The you I can’t touch. The you that is being touched by, and touching, _someone else_. You with **her.** ” He was holding so tight now, Ran found it hard to breath, his voice so _cold_ , so bitter. “I can seed it Ran.” Yohji went on, his voice deadening and Ran knew his eyes were closed tight, he wasn’t even sure if Yohji really remembered he was there,

“I can see it,” Yohji whispered, hissed really, “you pounding into her. Her small pixie hands on you, her little legs wrapped around you, you touching her, her calling you name. I can hear you, calling –“ he took a fast breath, “your face. That look on your face when you cum Ran. That look that was **only mine.** ” Yohji growled, was almost panting. Ran raised himself up to look at Yohji and was knocked breathless by the pain there, the pain and rage on Yohji’s face. Eyes clenched shut as he went on, “that catch in your voice, that I love to hear when you call out, that call of ‘yes’. But not yes Yohji. No. Now I hear your voice calling and it’s yes _Miko._ as you find that moment _with her._ ”

Suddenly Ran found himself pressed flat on his back, Yohji hovering over him, glaring at him for a bare second, then Yohji was up, on the side of the bed, head cradled in his hands as he tried to pull himself together.

Ran pulled himself to his knees behind Yohji and placed a trembling hand on Yohji’s back. Before he could say anything, Yohji went on, anguish giving his voice a timbre Ran had never heard before, it tore at him, shredded his heart to hear it. “the worse part is, the Ran I know, and I _know,_ you hold her, like I hold you, like you hold _me._ I know Ran. I know you have to. I know it’s who you are. Just sex maybe, but it is not in your makeup not to care. And bringing her to that point, hearing her call your name, you’re gonna hold her, protect her, caress her. Let her small, soft hands touch you, pet you. you may think of me. Maybe. Maybe not. But not at that moment. At _that_ moment Ran you are _not mine._ You’re _hers._ And it’s killing me.”

Yohji’s voice was so soft by the end Ran almost didn’t hear, even with his head resting right against Yohji’s back, even so close. Yohji slumped down, then started to shake, rocking, his arms wrapped tight around his middle as though holding himself together.

Ran drew closer, slowly, wrapping his arms around Yohji, pulling him close back against him, rocking with him. He realized he was speaking softly, over and over, “yours Yohji, yours.” He raised his voice and held on tighter. “I am yours Yohji. I swear.” He held on until Yohji’s trembling eased off and he began to relax. Gently, Ran eased them down until they lay spooned together. He held Yohji as tightly as he could, whispering he knew not what into Yohji’s ear until Yohji slipped into an exhausted sleep.

Ran lay there a long time after Yohji nodded off, staring at the ceiling. How much longer before Yohji broke, before one of them became so dead inside they couldn’t go on..... well, one thing he could do was put a stop to the uncertainty. He would explain to Miko that he needed some guy time.

When WEISS was in town he would schedule a firm meeting time. At least then Yohji wouldn’t be sittiing, waiting. He would _make_ time. Whatever it took. Yohji deserved that. Hell, he deserved an end to this nightmare, but Ran shied away with very fiber of his being at the thought of ending them. There had to be a way out, somehow..... he would find a way to get them through this. Some way, without Yohji being destroyed. Without losing himself beyond recovery.

He knew, a part of his soul died every time he lay with Miko. That would lessen too. He’d work later hours, more weekends. Travel with Mamaru. Spend more time with Aya. Find a way to ease away from her, naturally, normally, so he wouldn’t hurt too her as badly as he hurt Yohji. Finally Ran drifted off too, exhausted, despairing of finding an end that wouldn’t leave three souls destroyed....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over the coming months, things changed. WEISS toured more and more. Finding time together grew more and more difficult. Tabloids exploited more on Yohji’s excessive clubbing, partying, the ultimate rocker bad boy. They built up too, the “relationship” between Yohji and Manx, in together’s company often.

Yohji explained that Manx had come from a relationship with a married boss, one that had developed over time, and where she’d swallowed the “I’m gonna leave her soon, she treats me like shit” lines for three years before she woke up and faced reality. His bolting from their bed when his cell rang with his wife calling because she was in labor kinda hit her over the head and she’d ended it. Gone into the music executive field where she was too busy, and traveled too much, to be lonely or miss things. She was less than a year apart from him and looking for no relations right now. But, one always needed a friend. Yohji had told her a bit of his story. She didn’t know who Ran was, but she got the idea. She was supportive, without being judgmental or condescending. Ran was glad Yohji had her as a friend.

Ran knew Yohji hadn’t been with anyone else. Those few times they were together always began with frantic lovemaking, Yohji mumbling or calling out always at some point about “so long, Ran, so long” Ran always made sure to bring Yohji to a quick early release before settling in to worship Yohji’s body for as many hours has they had available.

But the party persona, the drinking, the drugs, Ran worried about that. All too often Ran would hear from a depressed or worried Yohji who was far enough gone in his cups that he woud call Ran at any hour, or text or email the strangest, sometimes saddest messages. Ran explained to Miko that being a rock star wasn’t all the movies made it out to be. It was lonely, stressful, tiring. And he told her his friend had lost someone dear to him and was just trying to deal.

Ran could see in the appearances WEISS made, or when caught by reporters, how gaunt Yohji was growing. He was never without shades now. Eyes covered, hiding behind darkened glass day or night.

Ran would come to the apartment when he had an unexpected evening, or a cancelled appointment to find a hammered Yohji. Or a Yohji who was practically unconscious. In fact, this happened enough times, with Yohji responding with growing irritation, escalating to anger “you checking up on me Ran?” that Ran made sure not to do it anymore. If he had unexpected time, he would text Yohji. If he didn’t answer, Ran didn’t come over.

Ran was at a loss how to approach this problem. He knew, he had no right really, to be angry or to try to control anything Yohji did. He knew Yohji was trying to numb the pain, anger... loss. It was his fault Yohji was this way, in this spiral, and he truly had no idea how to stop it.

Ran had distanced himself from Miko as much as he consciously could. They’d settled in to the “Married couple” routine, sex once or twice a week, roses now and then. She was the typical executive wife: shopping, spas, time with the girls.....

Still, no matter his efforts, Ran obviously was not there for Yohji as Yohji needed. Yohji was a very.... physical person. Ran missed Yohji’s touch, body, taste, hands,.... but he knew, no matter how he missed Yohji, he knew with every fiber of his soul that as much as he loved or needed Yohji, Yohji _needed_ more.

First of all, Ran had Miko. although he was withdrawing from her, he couldn’t forgo relations with her entirely. So he did get to find physical release somewhat regularly. And that lack of touch, that need to be held or touched, to touch another, that need that was being stifled, ignored, in Yohji’s life led to more whiskey, more vodka, more pot, more whatever Yohji could get, or wanted to get. And less care that Yohji took for himself. Ran could see him wasting away.

Rumors began to circulate of unrest with the band. Of maybe too high too soon. Missed practices, one fumbled appearance at an outdoor festival where Yohji’d has to restart a song when he got lost in the middle made headlines. Speculation about how hammered Yohji was 90 percent of the time was fodder for the vultures for weeks. Persia had a heyday with that one. Making sure to bring it up in every conversation he had when Ran was in the room, grateful that Krittiker had not signed WEISS.

The other members of WEISS did not come out and directly blame Ran, they didn’t confront him or send hate mail or anything, but none would return his calls or emails, no matter how worried he was about Yohji, no matter what he tried.

The holidays this year were a sharp contrast to the last. No laughter, no mistletoe escapades, no rowdy football games.... WEISS was on extended tour in southern states. Communication from Yohji was minimal. When they did talk, Yohji was alternating between quiet, reserved – totally not Yohji – or bitter, angry, lost – or blubbering and sad.... Ran sent a Christmas gift, but WEISS had changed a tour date due to a blizzard and it didn’t catch up to Yohji until almost New Years... Ran withdrew into his Krittiker shell, deeper, farther than ever.

Finally, it was Schuldig who confronted Ran about Yohji’s deepening spiral. After apparently one 2 am call too many from an anguished, drunken Yohji, Schu showed up at Ran’s home. Waiting outside one dawn as Ran came out for the morning paper, he stood there, leaning against the garage door.

Ran startled and automatically thought the worst at seeing Schu in his driveway at barely 6am. “Schuldig?” he asked as he stood there, and was shaken by the cold, malicious anger emanating from the man as he answered. “tell your **wife** you have an unexpected morning meeting and meet me at the diner at 5 th street in half an hour. If you’re not there, I am coming back here, and we will talk in your living room.”

He turned to leave, but Ran reached for his sleeve, “Wait! What’s wrong? Is Yohji-?”

Sch cut him off. Yohji’s fucked _Ran,_ and you know it. He’s so fried he doesn’t know what damn city they’re in half the time. Look. I am not getting into this here. Come to the diner.” He walked away.

Ran stood there, shocked. Damn, what had happened? He shook himself and made his excuses to Miko.

Meeting Schuldig at the suggested diner, a wary Ran took his seat at the corner table. Schu wasted no time. He pushed the cup of coffee at Ran and as soon as he took a sip he began. “you’re killing him Ran, and it has to stop.” Schu opened. Ran sighed inwardly. Yohji was okay. At least, as ok as possible. But he wasn’t hurt somewhere or anything. Yohji must have unloaded on Schu. Good. He needed to be able to unload on _someone._

Schu went on. “Look. I know, you’re fucked too. This whole thing is a screwed up mess. But Yohji is sinking. Fast. And he doesn’t care anymore. Something has to give Ran. I mean it, you’re killing him. That “incident” they blew up in Rolling Stone? That was actually worse than they made it out to be. Jei said they had to do an instrumental number after the fuck up song before Yohji could pull it together enough to sing.” Schu sighed, rubbed both hands over his face, and looked into Ran’s shocked, worried eyes.

“Let him go Ran. End it. Before it’s too late. Before he loses WEISS and everything else too. Before he loses himself, and we lose _him._ ” He shook his head. “I am telling you. if you don’t find some way out of this, you’re gonna lose him in a much worse, more permanent way than if you end it and let him go.”

Ran sat there, shocked, but not. Numb, scared, resigned..... “Schuldig. I have talked to Yohji about “ending it” as you put it. About letting him go. I can see what this is doing to him, to both of us. I.....” Ran swallowed, “I talked to him about, finding release .... with someone. He was adamant that it would not happen. I talked to him about.... letting me go, for his own sanity. He would hear nothing of it.” Ran looked down at his coffee. “Yohji knows. I love him. I have never loved anyone, or anything, aside from Aya. I love him Schu. I have tried to steer him away, tried everything I know to make the time we do have better. He refuses to quit. He wants me, he loves me, and as long as he wants me here, well... I can’t walk way if he wants me Schu, I can’t”

Ran closed his eyes, remembering the last time he’d talked to Yohji. The argument about Yohji fucking another, the make up sex, the resignation and defeat as Yohji told him he couldn’t give up. Yohji wanted out, Ran knew, wanted away from the drama, the pain, the fear. but just as much, he was terrified to give in. knowing, if he did give up and walk away, thy might never be able to fix it. But, what was going to be left if he didn’t?..... Schu’s voice pulled Ran from his musings.

“Fine the Ran. I will .... support Yohji in this, as his brother, I will be there to pick up the pieces, but.... I don’t know what will be left when it’s done. And I will tell you now. If he gets the balls to go, I will do all in my power to help him. WEISS is seriously discussing a sabbatical. A “separation” if you will. Omi’s computer business is well enough established he can take a break, no problem. Ken, well, he’s with Omi, and his physical fitness thing, combined with the stardom WEISS has now, means anyone would work with him ion choreography and training in a heartbeat. Jei, he’s been spending wisely. Has opened a couple restaurants and is quite willing to take a year or so off and cook. He loves it.... anyway, if Yohji can find it in himself to walk away, you have to let him Ran.”

Ran turned his gaze out the window. “I know.” He whispered, “I know Schuldig. Please. Just remember. I love him. This is killing me too. I’m just not on entertainment tonight, or drowning it in alcohol.” He sighed, “look. I have to get to the office. Take care, and take care of Yohji, as only you can.” Ran threw a 20 on the table and walked away. Schu watched the overburdened figure walk away, the defeat clearly heavy on his shoulders, and closed his eyes. Ran had looked every bit as dead and beat as Yohji sounded. The deadness in his eyes just as Yohji’d described from when they first met.....

Damn. This whole thing just was so fucked.....


	13. Chapter 13

** CHAPTER 13 **

****

** Separation **

 

The sound of Ran’s emergency ring tone penetrated his consciousness, jerking him from sleep. That tone, that was the hospital! As he shot upright in bed, Ran’s eyes were automatically drawn to the clock. 4:47 am. God! They’d never called at such an hour. Aya!

 

Ran dove for the bedside table, grabbing the phone. “This is Ran!” he gasped as he opened the phone.

 

“Mr. Fujimiya, this is Dr. Orton.” A deep voice responded. “I am calling about your sister, Ms. Fujimiya.”

 

“Is she ok?” Ran was as near to panic as he could remember being since Aya was hit by that truck. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, god.....

 

“Mr. Fujimiya. Everything is fine. Well, more than fine, really. Relax. Take a deep breath. Your sister has awakened”

 

Ran’s gasp was loud, especially as it was followed by complete silence as Ran forgot to breathe again. It was a long moment, then “Mr. Fujimiya? Are you alright? Are you still there?”

 

“Did.... did you say.... Aya is.... awake?” Ran whispered. “ _Awake,_ awake? She.... knows who she is? She’s.... Aya?”

 

The doctor chuckled lightly. “Yes Mr. Fujimiya. She is awake. And yes, she knows who she is and who you are. The one she has asked for repeatedly for the last hour.”

 

“Hour!” Ran all but shouted. “she’s been awake for an hour?! And I am only now being called? Why?” by the end, Ran was very close to angry.

 

“Yes, an hour. We had to verify her cognitive function, as you are well aware. Under the terms of the Court order, we could not honor her desire to call you, rather than... her father, until we were able to determine her mental state.” The doctor paused. “as you know, I have been in charge of Aya’s care for more than a year now. I am well aware of where her .... best interests lay as to caregivers. I wanted to be certain before I called .... anyone.” The doctors voice was dark during this statement. He knew Ran’s care and devotion. Conversely, he knew where Aya stood with Persia. He didn’t care if it took until dawn to satisfy the Court’s specifications if it meant he could call Ran rather than Persia.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Ran almost panted. “Yes. Of course. I understand. She’s asked for me? She remembers me? She’s really awake... ok?” Ran was in a flurry searching for pants, his shoes, his keys.

 

“yes. She’s doing exceptionally well in fact. For a young woman in a coma for such a long period of time she exhibits miraculous muscle control. I attribute that to your diligence in caring for her, your ongoing range of motion therapies. She is naturally very weak, but that is quite to be expected and will improve with time. Has improved even in just the short time she has been alert. And while her physical strength may be depleted, her mental capacity is not in any way impaired. I am quite impressed, amazed really. I have prepared the necessary paperwork declaring her to be her own ward based on our conversation and her responses to the tests. She has asked only for you. Very insistent that no one be informed aside from you. It seems that she has some recollection of some of the events that have transpired while she was comatose. She recalls some of your conversation during your visits and will not discuss anything beyond my necessary questions until she speaks to you.”

 

“I’m on my way.” Ran assured the doctor as he made his way to the basement garage. “I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Tell her. Tell her I’m coming.” Ran’s agitation was obvious as he climbed into the car. He sat back, then took a deep breath. “doctor. Please, tell her..... tell her I am on my way.”

 

“don’t worry, I already have. I will see you in a little while Mr. Fujimiya.” The doctor disconnected the call.

 

Ran flopped back against the seat. He was so glad Miko was off visiting her mother for a week. He wouldn’t have to beg off any time with her. Ran had been able to say goodbye to Yohji last night, to take him to the airport during early hours this morning for his flight. To make love in _their_ bed, and actually stay overnight, to sleep in sheets that smelled of Yohji for a change. What a time for Yohji to be away with WEISS in Canada.... He’d been so.... off lately.

 

Ran himself hadspent a lot of weekends away himself lately between traveling and press appearances. God, what if she’d awoken while he was gone?

 

And he’d had to take Miko to that last so called business seminar, the couples themed one last month. After he’d promised Yohji that weekend too.... Then the trip for his and Miko’s first anniversary, which of course just had to be the one weekend WEISS was in New York.

 

Last night was the first time they’d spent together in almost two months..... He and Yohji had enjoyed the extra evening together last night. The hours alone, with Miko gone, they’d made love several times, but.... something just seemed..... different. Moreso than they had been lately. Yohji’d been distant even as they held each other....

 

He’d wanted to talk to Yohji, try to figure out what was going on in his, what was wrong, besides the obvious, but Yohji’d distracted him every time the conversation got too serious. Now Yohji was gone with WEISS for a special Friday / Saturday event just when Miko was finally away. Ran was supposed to meet him late tomorrow night at the bandss getaway cottage after they got back from the trip. The others had driven up in the van Thursday to setup. Yohji’d stayed for the time to be with Ran and caught a flight up. He would ride back with them to be dropped off at the cottage to spend some more time with Ran while _she_ was gone.

 

They were to have Saturday night and all day Sunday together alone too before he had to go back to work Monday, when Persia returned to the offices,.... before Miko came back.

 

Ran had determined he was going to make Yohji talk to him during that alone time, to confront him about last month’s conversation with Schuldig, about the increased substance use, try to shake the melancholy.

 

He couldn’t do that _now_ , not with Aya awake. And Yohji didn’t know, wasn’t here. God! She’s awake! Ran started to shake. He dropped his head in his hand at the red light, awake. He.... he could finally be with Yohji for good. Get rid of Miko! Persia had no hold....god! awake! And how incredibly perfect that Persia was away as well until Monday. Ran could have today alone with Aya, no Persia wanting to know why he wasn’t at the office, no Miko whining. If only Yohji were still here it would be perfect!

 

Ran got a grip enough to dial Yohji’s cell number, to tell him! Then cursed when he heard it ringing in the car! What? Oh damn! Yohji must have dropped it when Ran took him to the airport a few hours ago. Wait..... he .... he had to know he didn’t have it by now, the flight had landed, what, more than an hour ago now?.... why not have one of the guys call, or text, let Ran know.....Well, maybe, maybe he figured Ran was sleeping *and he had been*, yeah, Yohji probably just planned to call Ran later this morning after getting some sleep himself...

 

They _were_ working, putting on a show. He’d need some rest before things got started. Yeah. Yohji just probably planned to call later this morning. Great.... he wouldn’t be able to get through to Ran with him at the hospital.... Wait, what was the name of that hotel they were staying at? Hmmm.... Ah, The Tundra. Ran his listings and called. Speaking to the night clerk he left a message: “cannot come to the cottage tomorrow. Emergency has arisen here. Come home instead. Will explain all. Ran” He wanted to say Call Me, but knew it was likely calls would not get through......

 

Ran sighed. Yohji would be disappointed, but.... Ran would fix it, make everything right, just a few more days and **all** would be alright. He realized he was pulling into the hospital parking lot completely on autopilot. God! Awake! Really awake, and .... herself, the doctor had said..... finally! All thoughts of anything not Aya flew from his mind and he began to tremble again.....

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran wove in and out of Monday morning rush hour traffic, anxious to get to the apartment. Aya was awake, safe. He still couldn’t believe it. He’d set everything up with the hospital just this morning. She was able to walk, with a walker for now, for safety, but at the rate she was getting her strength back that wouldn’t be for long. She had a cell phone at hand programmed to his. The hospital had strict orders to contact no one other than him, and Persia never inquired anyway. The court documents were notarized and filed under seal first thing this morning, with her wishes known that no notification be made without inquiry. Unless Persia specifically inquired at the hospital he would not know until Ran told him. The doctors could act under the authority granted under the provisions without having to contact Persia.

 

The doctor had requested Aya stay for three more days, to build her strength and make certain there was no relapse. She’d not only agreed, she’d insisted that she would be fine for a few days while he took care of explaining things to Miko and made things up to Yohji.

 

He’d told her everything that had happened while she was asleep. Everything. How he loved Yohji, what he’d been forced to endure from Ran because of Persia’s malice. The sham marriage, everything. She hadn’t hated Ran as he’d feared. She’d felt horrible to be held as a weapon against him, also as he’d worried, but he’d promised never to lie to her and couldn’t do so now.....

 

She’d told him she felt so loved and humbled by what he’d done to keep her safe, what he’d endured. She still loved him, and she was alert and safe. Persia couldn’t harm her now and Dr. Orton”d assured them no one would see her before the discharge. She wanted Ran and Yohji to have some time alone together so Ran could make it right and then finally, finally Yohji would meet her. On Thursday she’d be discharged to come home and she would come stay with them at their place. Ran would set up that empty room finally into the bedroom it was meant to be. Ran was sure Yohji would want her there too.

 

She’d insisted he take some alone time for him and Yohji, to devote time to Yohji for all he’d put him through this past year. Especially these last few months. He’d missed this special weekend with Yohji too, another weekend he _promised_ to Yohji. He’d tried to call Yohji at the hotel several times Friday and Saturday, but hadn’t been able to get through. By the time things calmed down at the hospital Friday afternoon, and he’d answered everything, filled out all the paperwork, made all the necessary calls, **after** he’d devoted the majority of the day itself to only Aya, Ran had fallen asleep at her bedside.

 

Then, Saturday, spent talking to her..... watching her laugh, her eyes light up when he brought her the chocolate and banana fudge sundae.... everything just running together, finally it had hit Ran very very late Saturday night as he watched her sleep a normal sleep, where she moved and murmured and... lived, it had hit him that Yohji had to be back by now.... Ran called the apartment, but it went to machine. Yohji must have gone home to one of the guys’ place tonight.... well.... it was too late now to call the condo. Surely they were all exhausted after such a long trip. Ran would call Omi in the morning tomorrow....

 

Then, Aya'd had a nightmare and awoken Sunday later morning crying, sobbing, scared to death that Ran had finally left her all alone and Persia'd locked her away for good. It had terrified Ran to see her so hysterical, it took quite some time to calm her and he’d demanded Dr. Orton. The doctor explained it was completely normal, and now that she’d worked her way through it, he doubted the hysteria would manifest again.... perfectly normal to experience some emotional trauma... and while she may have some dreams, she was lucid and able to comprehend. It would be fine.

 

Once everything was calm again, and they’d talked everything out, Ran realized it was almost dinner hour. .......   and he still hadn’t called Yohji..... Ran felt awful. To have forgotten something so so important as getting in touch with Yohji after cancelling Saturday. Even with this amazing wonderful thing of Aya being returned to him, to have forgotten Yohji, after everything else he had put him through..... He knew Yohji was pissed, wouldn’t call him.... he’d figured that out after the fifth or sixth message left for the clerk and she’d blurted, “look! I told him, he threw the message slip away, I saw him, he’s not gonna call ya, eh? Just leave it already” Yes. Yohji was upset, rightfully so, and then... for Ran not to call most of Sunday either.... well.

 

He’d left another voice message on the machine at the apartment knowing Yohji had to be home by now, asking Yohji to please call his cell, he’d explain.... but he wasn’t sure if Yohji was there listening, smoking, glaring, or if he’d gone with the guys... He couldn’t bring himself to say it on the answering machine... it had to be in person. Then Ran had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep with Aya combing his hair with her fingers, reassuring him he’d given up too much for everything not to come out right......

 

Now, finally this morning, he’d awoken, stiff, but resolved. He _had_ to talk to Yohji - today. And Aya’d understood. She was much more aware of herself, her psych much less fragile, and she’d demanded Ran go, now, and fix it.....

 

First Ran would make it right with Yohji, then.... well, then he’d have to explain to Miko. She didn’t deserve what was coming. The poor kid really loved him, bastard that he was, this was going to hurt her, but..... he felt for her, he’d make it as easy for her as he could, but it was over. She returned later this morning, but expected that he was at the office. He could confront her tonight, or tomorrow, it depended on Yohji now, what he wanted to do..... And, finally, **finally** Ran could tell Persia to fuck off. He returned today as well.

 

But first, first he had to see Yohji, talk to him. He’d waited long enough. Yohji still hadn’t called Ran, not once. Of course, Yohji wouldn’t have thought to call the hospital. He’d never imagine Ran was with Aya. Why would he be? Yohji knew Ran’s normal hospital schedule and Friday night wasn’t on it, not for a while. Between Yohji and Miko, Ran’s Friday nights were either making press appearances or stealing time away with Yohji on those rare occasions that WEISS wasn’t performing.....

 

A small corner of Ran’s mind suggested maybe Yohji was mad at him enough to be ignoring his calls, messages, but no... even mad Yohji had never just ignored him like this. Ran had not told him in the messages that Aya was awake. Only that he could explain everything and Yohji would understand when they talked, to please call as soon as he could so Ran could explain everything. But, still no return call.....

 

He’d tried again this morning, several times. When he was waiting at the hospital for the final paperwork... while he was finalizing Aya getting set up with a bodyguard, therapy, nurses..... so he could just go _and get_ Yohji. God, he couldn’t believe it! He actually had her back, and now could have Yohji, finally, fully, just them – the two he loved so much. They had time to take care of everything before Ran confronted Persia. He certainly never visited the hospital. He wouldn’t know until Ran told him.....

 

Ran mulled over ways to tell Yohji, then dreamed just a bit of some ways some delicious ways, of making everything up to him. Everything. Aya understood. He’d explained everything to her already. She would spend these next few days recuperating, gaining strength, making some plans, shopping online with his laptop for whatever she needed, while he explained to Yohji.

 

He would make love to Yohji, show him how much he loved him, worship Yohji and make him understand how very very sorry he was for everything, and then everything would be okay again. Perfect. Incredible. First he’d see Yohji this morning, explain everything and then maybe tomorrow take him to meet Aya. Then she and Yohji could get to know each other while Ran took care of the bank and ..... other things...... Miko......

 

Yes, soon he’d have to see Miko. He’d put off thinking of that since Aya awoke. She truly didn’t deserve what was coming.... what he’d done..... He’d left a priority email for Tina that he would not be in today and that he’d explain when he could...... This would alert Persia, but again, that was something to be left until **_after_** he’d talked to Yohji.

 

Ran walked into the apartment calling out for Yohji... the apartment seemed off... empty. Where _was_ he. Then a static, white noise sound caught his attention. He returned to the living room and realized the TV was on, black and white ripples fluttering over the screen. “Yohji?” he called, but there was no answer. _He must be out with Schuldig or the guys. Why’d he leave the TV on?_ He noticed the camcorder sitting on top of the TV and checked it. Inside there was one of the mini tapes, but it was at its end.

Hmmm……

 

Ran pressed rewind, waiting. Once it stopped he hit play and moved to the sofa. When the video started to play all he could see was blue. The picture wobbled and danced, then stood still. The blue moved back and he realized it was a t-shirt, Yohji’s t-shirt. Yohji backed away from the lens, checked its placement, and sat down on the coffee table.

 

The blonde gave a sad smile, and looked to the lens, “Hey, Ran……” Oh damn…… Is he really that mad?? Damn. If he’d just pick up the fucking phone!

Ran lifted the remote and turned up the volume, “I didn’t have the nerve to say goodbye in person…… and a letter seemed so …”

_Goodbye?_ Ran’s blood ran cold. NO! It couldn’t be, **Not _now_**! He shot up and ran into the bedroom, the video playing as his heart raced, blood crashing through his veins. He threw the doors to the closet open, and found most of Yohji’s things gone. Everything he’d ever bought Yohji was left in the room, including his damn new smart phone Ran had just ordered for him last week, that must have been delivered Saturday, tossed on the bed. Well, that explained why the cell in the care had stopped working, Ran had thought it needed a service call. Yohji must have activated this one when he got home. Yet, he still hadn’t called Ran. Ran looked at the call list. Only one call, to Schuldig.

 

Yohji had left with only the things he’d brought to the apartment himself. He’d taken nothing that Ran had given him as far as Ran could make out.... God, not even the glass orchid Ran realized, there it sat on the dresser as always....then he saw it. In front of the orchid sat a small black satin covered box.

 

Oh no. No, please no. With trembling hands, Ran opened the box. The ring. He’d left it behind too, snuggled inside the circle of the bracelet of tri-gold Ran’d given him for their first Christmas. The ring.....what should have been a life’s promise, forever, left behind – abandoned, discarded. Just as Yohji’s heart must have seemed to be finally, after everything. God, after _Saturday_.

 

One more date missed, one more broken promise, one more chance at time together gone, worthless, as he must have grown to believe Ran’s love was. Ran picked up the ring, his hands shaking, unable to actually see it now with the tears streaming down his face. He scrubbed at his eyes, then found a leather tie he’d bought Yohji for his hair in the top drawer, and threaded the ring over it. Hands shaking so hard he could barely tie the cord, he finally managed a knot and pulled it over his head. He heard Yohji’s voice coming from the living room, the tape still running, and with dread returned to rewind and watch the tape.

 

Stunned, Ran watched the tape play out: "God, Ran…… I wish you knew how hard this was.… My only real weakness since we met was you, and the overwhelming love I’ve felt, since……" Yohji sighed "……since just about that first time I saw you. I knew if I waited for you to come back here, I would never leave. There was no way I could look you in the eye and……"

 

 _I shouldn’t have waited_ , Ran thought, his heart clenching as he watched Yohji’s obvious misery on film. _I should have come last night, no Saturday, no matter how late..... Aya would have been okay long enough for me to come over here and explain, instead of waiting for Yohji to cool down, I should have been here begging.....on my **knees.**_

****

"I was so secure with you…us… our love. I really, actually believed it.....at least for a while...... well ...... nothing lasts forever. You ... grew past me Ran, like I’d worried you would, _knew you would_ “ he whispered. “I know you must have heard all the media bullshit lately about WEISS, only ... well .... it’s not all bullshit. The guys have decided to take .... a break. Guess it’s kinda hard to work on a new album with me shitfaced all the time” Yohji’s voice had lowered to a growl by the end.

 

“Anyway, not sure where I’ll end up now, but this…… I can’t do this anymore. It’s just... too painful for me, Ran. And even though.... even though I chose this…… I know it was my decision to stick with it after …… after the....” he sighed, “I deserve better. I do.... You do too. This.... this can’t go on the way it is. _I can’t_ go on like this. I want you Ran, God, so much....but I ... I need someone who will be with me … I thought I could do this, thought I could handle it but… you’ve... changed, grown from me, like I said. And you’re not here anyway... I’m a drunk most of the time anymore anyway. The whole last tour is... a blur.”

 

Yohji ran his fingers through his hair, and Ran paused the tape and...looked at him. _Really... looked_ at him. Yohji’s eyes were shadowed by dark circles. His hair, rather than the golden, honeyed shine, hung lank, listless. His cheeks were sunken, and he looked.... exhausted, broken.... lost. He started the tape, “Face it, you don’t need me anymore Ran. You’ve got Miko now. She loves you” Yohji whispered. Ran stared, _MIKO? No!_

_“_ You’re so... _cold_ now Ran. So cold.” He whispered as his eyes closed. “you’re that Krittiker Ran now, more and more. Distant, like a zombie sometimes. Often when you’re here, you’re...... not. I don’t know how to reach you anymore.... everything seems .... an afterthought. And that’s when I’m sober enough to even know what the hellmis going on.... I.... don’t want to just get the leftovers anymore Ran, be a second thought, be your sometimes lover.....”

 

Ran flinched, _didn’t **need**_ _him?!?,_ leftovers, second thought? Yohji was his heart and soul! How could have let it get this bad...... he’d neglected Yohji horribly, put him off over and over. _Yohji will understand. It’s for Aya. Yohji knows. He can take it. He’s got WEISS, Schuldig, friends. He’s strong. He’ll wait. He loves me, he’ll understand._ How many times had Ran justified treatment of Yohji over the last few months with those excuses?.... And now Yohji’d thought Ran had grown past him? Didn’t NEED him??

 

"you’ve grown colder and colder, more... distant. I know why, I understand, being in the.... marriage.....waiting for Aya to wake .... It...fuck! It’s all been so hard, but…… It’s been so long since I really felt it when you told me you loved me. Since, since my birthday I think. You started pulling away after that. I guess I shouldn’t have unloaded that night. I gave out too much info and you started trying to find a way to fix it. Then, when you couldn’t you pulled back..... Those words have no meaning anymore. They’re ... rote... rehearsed.

 

I’ve spent the last months feeling like your whore. You don’t call, or email, or ... anything, when I’m touring anymore. You come to visit when I’m off tour, sometimes… I know, I’m hammered half the time.... When you do come over, we fuck…... it certainly hasn’t been making love lately.... not for a while Ran, not... not really....”

 

 _Not making love? What was Thursday night? He’d made love to Yohji all night..... but..... had he? Had he told him he loved him?..... or had he just let Yohji fuck him, just.... fucked?_ Ran tried to remember it objectively, but with Aya... things were too blurry. He focused on the screen:

 

“Then… then you leave…… and go _home_ , back to _her._ But I stay here.... In this apartment you paid for, just like a high priced Geisha whore Ran, like Persia said...... I just…… it just... hasn’t been what I expected it to be. With Asuka love was.... real, but... short – so short, and so.... painful. And us. The beginning.... it was amazing, wonderful... falling in love with you, but....not now.... not anymore. It’s... tainted, dark, and... getting darker. It’s not love Ran, not really, at least.... not anymore. It’s .... sex, it’s ..... penance, self-flagellation, for both of us. And... it has to stop. I waited so long for something special… It was.... perfect, but… well you know how the story goes…… forever is just a fairy tale. Happy endings are for movies"

Yohji’s head slumped, slender fingers rubbing the back of his neck. Ran knew he was holding himself back as hard as he could from crying like he did when he’d wake from a nightmare about Asuka.... Ran wanted to hold him, love him, **_FIX IT._**

****

“You remember our first time? The real, first time, after that horrid reception, before that first London trip...... It was storming that night, the first time I made love to you, was inside you. The bursts of lighting lighting up the room as we made love over and over. The thunder echoing our passion. That first time with more than just my hands on you, in you, more than just my mouth. That night, when you asked me to take you…… Ran…… my heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. That was the first time I realized I just how deeply I was in love with you…… how much a part of me you’d really become. And it made me so nervous. I’d been in love before……you know, but this... it was different from anything before Ran…… it was…… soul-wrenching…… And then,” he whispered now, “when you took me Ran. I’d.... I’d never.... given myself to someone I cared about Ran.... only .... drunken nights, experiments... nothing like this”

 

Yohji arched as if he could feel the memory flowing over his skin, and Ran watched his almost feline grace with fascination, then shuddered at the memory of that night. The night his passion had been completely unleashed for the first time……the night Ran had finally confessed his love. A love they were _supposed_ to be celebrating Saturday night..... and Ran had yet again left Yohji waiting for him, alone. It hit him then. Yohji waiting at the apartment after the cottage was canceled by a message, alone again, no answer, no explanations......

 

“That day sticks out in my mind more than any other in our time together........ our first time together....... I almost couldn’t breathe…… you were so tight around me....... trembling in my arms…… I knew you were afraid…… it made you seem so vulnerable as I took you again and again.……you couldn’t know I was terrified too..... God, when you looked up at me…… said you loved me and would never let me go...... my heart almost exploded Ran....But you have let me go Ran..... you haven’t had hold of me for..... a long time now...... I know, this makes me weak in your eyes, and I’m sorry, so sorry. I told you I’d wait forever, I’d take you any way I could, whatever it took, but...... I was wrong Ran. I just..... can’t. I can’t do it anymore. Maybe if you were _there_ when you’re here with me, but you’re not, not anymore. .... It’s like you’re not you anymore, not the Ran I fell in love with.... I need that Ran back... I need you Ran.” Tears rolled down Yohji’s cheeks, his shoulders shuddering, his voice dropped to a rasping whisper by the end.

 

Ran yearned to wipe those tears away, and comfort his lover but Yohji wasn’t…… _He’s not my lover anymore……_ Ran gasped as it hit him that Yohji was _GONE._ Damn, it hurt. Fuck, his lungs wouldn’t work, his heart didn’t want to beat, his chest felt that it was about to explode..... Not **NOW**.

 

 _“_ So…… there’s never been anybody in my soul like this…… And I doubt there ever will be. But that doesn’t really matter anymore…… I’ll move on…… I gotta get a grip on my life, sober up.... dry out. I gotta..... find me again. And maybe someday there will be someone… and I’ll smile and laugh .… and…… while I won’t love them the way I love you…… maybe I’ll be..... happy.… at least I’ll be.... the only one… and that’s probably more important……" Yohji’s voice cracked but he pushed on. “Maybe you and Miko can find some semblance of happiness together…… She loves you too Ran, really loves you, and you can be with her with no threat to Aya.... try Ran.... try to be happy.... I love you.”

 

At Yohji’s heartfelt wish for his future happiness Ran broke. His body began to shake, and a whimper fell from his lips. He’d managed to keep up his cool exterior far longer then he’d expected. He’d done nothing but hurt the man he loved, and Yohji still cared about his happiness. It was too much.

 

Yohji took a deep breath and went on, “So, WEISS has ..... disbanded.... for now. Put things on hiatus. I.... have to get away, I can’t stay here. Omits taking some classes and could use the study time anyway. Schu’s trying to work some things out in his own life. Jei’s restaurant has really hit it off. Manx, well, she’s gonna work with Omi on PR while we’re on break, stay on as band exec. We all agreed, to take a break, this past trip was our... farewell show.... for now. Maybe.... in a few months.... we’ll see where things go. If I can get my shit together, or .... maybe they can find someone else... to sing” he whispered, then sat there, staring at his hands in his lap for a while before taking a deep breath “But, I have to get away and the guys understand.”

 

He shook himself briefly, then looked straight into the camera. “On stormy nights when lightning flashes, and thunder rages…… think of me…… and feel me .. inside you… dream of me Ran .... even if it’s just…… dreaming” Yohji ran his hands through his hair collecting himself, and sighed in exasperation. Ran realized this video was the first time since his birthday Yohji had let him see this pain. Pain Yohji’d kept hidden for all these incredibly long months since Ran had caved to Persia, putting Aya first, as always. Pain Yohji’d tried to hide, to give no real indication of......

 

"I love you…… forever…… Good-bye Ran."

 

Ran’s heart shattered as he watched video Yohji put on his jacket, place a kiss to his fingertips, press them to the lens, pick up his bag, and walk past the couch they’d made love on more times than he could count. Watched Yohji walk out the door, and out of his life. The video continued to play this empty room, and with startling realization he knew for certain……

 

Every piece of life that lived within him was gone……Aya, she was his beautiful sister. She had a place in his heart, always. But..... Yohji _WAS_ his heart. Without Yohji, Aya or no, he was nothing........ she wouldn’t understand.... he’d have to deal with this, get a grip on his heart, live, but..... god, how would he?

 

Yohji’d looked so tired, so **_broken._** His heartbreak was clear, obvious, now that Ran let himself see it, **feel it.** Gods, he’d ignored this, pushed it aside, pretended it wasn’t there. And all this time, Yohji’d believed (and been right) that he was bearing this all alone. He’d hurt him so badly. Second thought? Yohji’d come to believe that? And he’d let him. Instead of making him **see** he was Ran’s reason for living, Ran had treated Yohji like some _mistress, geisha whore_ just as Persia had called him, and Yohji’d compared himself to... something second rate, like he was an afterthought.

 

It never should have been this way. HOW? How had things gone SO wrong? Why had he hurt Yohji so terribly? Because he’d been afraid? Afraid of standing up to his **_bastard father?_** He should have fought Persia harder, should have fought to take Aya from him.

 

The last few days had been enlightening. The doctors knew about Persia, they would have backed Ran in a battle. He’s never even tried, just caved, giving in to his father..... He told himself he’d been afraid of Yohji being hurt, of what his father would do to him, but he’d hurt him so much, much more deeply than anything his father might have done.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

He kept hearing Yohji’s voice breaking over those words, again and again. Numb, Ran walked through the apartment. His hands raised to the ring hanging about his neck. There _had_ to be a way. A way to **_fix_ it**.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

If he knew where Yohji’d gone, maybe he could try....

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

Wait, Schuldig! He’d moved to a new apartment close by this building six months ago, to be closer to Yohji. Damn, Ran should have realized then something was wrong.....for Schu to feel that he needed to be close.... and after Schuldig’s warning speech last month..... If anyone would know where Yohji’d gone, Schuldig would.

_**I love you…… forever……**_

Determination seeped through Ran, pushing the despair aside, the hole in his chest easing enough to let him breathe a little, let him move.

 

Ran didn’t remember driving to Schuldig”s building, only realized he stood in front of the apartment, pounding on the door. “Schuldig! Schuldig! Open the door!” His voice hoarse, breaking, “Schuldig, _please!_ ”

 

The door was flung aside. Instead of Schuldig it was a man Ran’d never seen before. Black hair, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, “Can I help you?” He asked, voice cold. “Schuldig”s out.”

 

“Sorry,” Ran breathed, “I have to talk to him, do you have any idea when he’ll be back? Really, I _must_ speak to him.” pain and panic etched his voice.

 

“He gave a friend a ride somewhere, I expect him back soon probably, maybe another hour or so. Can I leave a message or something?”

 

A friend! Ran froze, “He took a friend?! Yohji! Was it Yohji?! _(could he be that **close**? Could he have missed him that closely?)_

“Yohji, hmmmm, yeah, I think that _was_ the name. Blonde. He only said it once as-”

 

He was cut off as Ran gripped his wrist, **_“WHEN?, Where?_** _Please,_ where did they go? When did theyleave.....” his voice trailed off,

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

He was almost panting, his breath catching “ _Please......._ ” he breathed.

 

“Well, they left about three hours ago. I kinda thought Schuldig’d be back by now.... Look, I don’t know you, or this Yohji, but he seemed upset, like he was anxious to leave. I don’t know if I should say any more. Why don’t you come back tomorrow or-”

 

Again, his words were cut off as Ran tightened his grip, “ **PLEASE** ” his voice was harsh, grinding, like someone might sound when they were in extreme pain, like if you were cutting their arm off or something, “ _Please_ , just tell me where, or -” Ran had left his cell at home in his haste, but... Hope entered his voice, “Do you have a phone, Schuldig’s number? Please, can we call him? I HAVE to speak to him NOW, as soon as possible - **_before it’s too late_** ”

 

_*I love you…… forever……**_

 

“I don’t remember where they were going, something about 178th or something,” He paused, looking at Ran. The man was obviously in a panic, it must really be important. “I guess I could call him, but, it’s been like three hours, he must have dropped that guy off wherever by now...” His voice trailed off as he went back into the apartment. “Come on inside. Let me find my phone”

 

Ran entered the apartment, leaning against the wall near the door. He took a deep breath, trying desperately to calm down.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

 **GODS** , if he’d just come this weekend, or even a few hours earlier this morning. His thoughts trailed off as the man came back.

 

“I don’t know why I’m doing this. Yohji seemed like he wanted to get away, how do I know it wasn’t _you_ he wanted to get away _from,_ Mr. ______._ ”

 

“Ran.” Ran answered, “It was, I’m sure it _was_ me. I’m the reason he wanted to go, but I have to try, there has to be a way.....” Ran’s voice trailed off as he sunk to the floor against the wall. “ Please,” he breathed “please, just a chance”

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

He closed his eyes, he couldn’t breathe, “......please”

 

“Hmm, I guess I can call. Can’t hurt just to call I suppose....” the man began to dial. “Name’s Bradley” He turned away as he spoke into the phone “Schuldig? Yeah hi, it’s me. Yes I AM anxious for you to get back,” he smiled a little, his voice warming, “are you ok? Taking a little longer than I’d thought at first. No..., no It’s ok, I’m not upset. I made my own breakfast here, your kitchen is pretty well stocked. That’s good, I’m glad you guys stopped to talk. He looked like he needed it probably. I’m not going anywhere - I’ll be here when you get back. Look,” he cleared his throat “There’s someone here asking about him. Yeah, a redhead. Yeah that was the name-”

 

 

Ran had managed to stand up, and was holding his hand out for the phone, his eyes pleading, barely breathing.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

“please, ........ let me....”

 

“Schu, the guy wants the phone.” he turned, lowering his voice, “c’mon, just listen to the guy for a sec, he’s pretty bad off, almost hysterical - ok - here” he turned back to Ran, holding the cell out to him.

 

“Schuldig- please, **don’t hang up.** ” Ran begged, his words coming fast, breathless, “just, listen. I know you took Yohji.... wherever he wanted to go....., just **please** , listen. I was wrong, SO wrong. You’ve been here all along, you know **just HOW wrong**. “ his voice was dropping,

 

_**I love you…… forever…**_

 

“I can’t breathe - _please”_ He had to stop, he couldn’t catch his breath. He again sank down against the wall, trying, trying to get control so he could _talk._

“Ran,” Schuldig”s voice came across the line. He sounded odd, like he was in a tunnel. Ran could hear the traffic through the line. “You so don’t deserve to say _anything_. Yes I _have_  been here all along. I know this whole mess tore you up to Ran, but.... fuck! I warned you. I’ve watched you reduce him steadily, tear him down over and over, reduce him from what he was. You hurt him so badly, your apathy lately was worse than if you’d just broken it off -”

 

“I know, I’m so sorry. Sorry for the pain, the neglect, leaving him alone so much, Sorry doesn’t even come close to touching it. I - I was afraid, first that he’d be hurt by my father, then .....” Ran didn’t want to discuss everything about Aya with Schuldig. Not on a cell phone, at a time like this, with a stranger listening in.... “I was completely wrapped up in what could be lost, instead of seeing what I was losing”

 

Yohji would understand that, even if Schu didn’t. “I just, I got lost somewhere. Yohji is everything, life, air - he has been from the day I first saw him, that first night. He’s the only one...... he knows, the only one, ever - look, just please, tell him. Tell him I wish, I wish we could go back, back to the day I gave him the ring.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

“Tell him **it doesn’t have to be this way anymore.** I know. I know we can’t go back, and there’s no way I can take away these last months. I can’t change what I’ve done, the choices I made, I don’t deserve his forgiveness. Not even a chance. He deserves to find happiness, to be cherished. I’ve hurt him so badly. I want him to be happy. Just- **it doesn’t have to be this way anymore** Tell him, tell him _things are different now_ ”

 

Ran paused, taking a ragged breath. “Just tell him, if he wants to talk, if he can consider in his heart to let me explain, maybe even forgive me, or God help me, if he wants to try, if he wants the ring back” his voice dropped,

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

barely a whisper, Ran went on “if he could _ever_ want **us** back” he cleared his throat, “I’ll have his cell phone. The new one I gave him, he can find me anytime, I promise. Things will be different, I swear **Tell him Schuldig,** when you talk to him again, **tell him – it’s different – I can fix it** – **I can _explain.”_**

****

Ran’s throat closed, he couldn’t talk anymore, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. His arms dropped as he rested his head against the wall. His numb fingers dropped the phone. He was shaking as he rested his head against his knees, taking deep breaths as he tried to get control.

_**I love you…… forever……**_

He looked up into concerned eyes. “I have to go” he breathed. He stood, falling against the wall, stumbling toward the door. He staggered out of the apartment, leaning his forehead against the wall opposite the door. He breathed deeply, taking a minute to center himself.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

He knew what he had to do now, regardless of whether Yohji called, whether he ever came back, Ran knew what had to happen now. He stood up, and started down the hallway.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Back at the apartment, Ran turned off the TV. He took Yohji’s phone from the charger where he’d left it, making sure it was on (just in case), and put it into the holster on his belt. He sat on the sofa, the sofa he and Yohji - no, he couldn’t think about _that_ now. He went over everything in his mind, things falling into place with amazing clarity now. He opened his own phone and transferred some numbers into Yohji’s phone, forwarded any calls from Aya's number to this number in case Aya tried to call him (he couldn’t talk to her yet.... not unless she needed him for something....)

 

He made a few calls, wrote out a few notes on a notepad, and stood and went into the kitchen. He downed two stiff shots of vodka, then took his phone and dropped it into the trash compactor. He listened as it disintegrated. Feeling impossibly weary, empty, and yet strangely _light_ after the cycle finished, he left, locking the apartment behind him.

 

He got into the car, flinching when he saw the pamphlet for the bed and breakfast he’d planned to take Yohji to.... Sighing, he folded it and put it in the glove box. Maybe, someday....... - no - he wouldn’t hope, he’d die if he pinned everything on the hope Yohji would come back. He didn’t deserve another chance, and certainly not for Yohji to forgive him. He’d had no right to even ask Yohji to consider it. He’d done so much damage...... Yohji had suffered so much because of him. Because of his lack of strength....

 

Taking a deep breath, Ran fervently prayed to whatever gods would listen, “just let him be happy. Let the pain fade, let him have peace, he deserves so much..... even if him being happy means (his breath caught) even if it means someone - (he couldn’t say it, could hardly form the thought. His heart and mind shied away from the blinding fire that thought brought with it) just.....let him be happy....” his voice trailed off.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

Ran cleared his throat, wiped his hands over his face and started the car, dialing his office number as he exited the drive. “Krittiker Music Ran Fujimiya's office,” a pleasant voice answered.

 

“Tina, it’s me.” Ran said. “Don’t say anything” he said quickly as he heard her gasp, “go into my office real quick and shut the door.”

 

“Hold please,” she said pleasantly before he heard the click and music playing.

 

“Ran?” Tina’s worried voice asked, “what’s going on? You sound terrible. Are you okay?”

 

“Tina, listen. Go through my calendar, clear every scheduled appointment through next week. **Everything**. Tell them there’s been an emergency, it’s unavoidable, that’s all you know, and you will contact them next week to reset things. Got that?” he knew she’d have questions.

 

“What? Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” her voice rose in pitch with each question, but she kept the volume down, not giving anything away. She really was a treasure.

 

“I’m okay....I’m not (hurt? Oh yes, he hurt) injured.....look,” he paused, “listen, we’ve worked together a long time. You are an amazing assistant, putting up with all my demands for so long, Just trust me. I will be in later this afternoon to take care of some things. Just, clear my calendar, do it from my office for the privacy if you can, then take the afternoon off. Go home. Tomorrow, things will be different. And if my **father** comes around bugging you, or asks anything, you don’t know. All I said was clear the calendar. Can you do that?”

 

“Alright Ran, I’ll take care of it. Are you _sure_ you’re really okay? You sound - I don’t know - off somehow.” she sounded worried.

 

“No Tina, I’m really _not_ okay, but...... I will be. Just do this and go home. Things will make more sense tomorrow.” he reassured her.

 

“Okay Ran, if you’re sure. I hope you’re alright.” she hung up.

 

Ran was touched. She really was a good assistant. He’d have to try to see she was compensated for putting up with him. This was one oversight he _could_ correct. Now, to face Miko.....

 

Ran pulled up in the driveway of his “home” with Miko and shut off the car. He centered himself, taking a few deep breaths, and went into the house. “Miko?” he called out. “Miko, are you here?”

 

“Ran?!” her voice came from the kitchen. “What are you doing home so early? Is something wrong?” she came around the corner. When she saw Ran she stopped. “Something **_is_** wrong, isn’t there?” she half whispered. “What’s happened?”

 

(Damn) Ran thought, (I thought I was in better control than that) he glanced at his reflection in the hallway mirror and winced. He was pale, his eyes seemed too big, and the **PAIN** shadowed his features. He looked haunted, dead. He ran his fingers through his hair. “Miko, come here.” he guided her to the sofa, sitting down with her and taking her hand. “Listen, let me get through what I have to say. Then I’ll answer what questions I can. But, just let me get through this first, okay?”

 

“Okay Ran” she answered, loving him, trusting him even now. He could see the dread in her eyes, the knowledge that _something_ was coming, but the trust overshadowed it, she never imagined _he_ was what was going to shatter her world.

 

He closed his eyes. (She doesn’t deserve what I’m about to do to her. She actually loves me. GOD I’ve been such a **bastard.** She has no idea what’s coming.) He sighed, “Miko. I’m sorry. This is going to hurt, and there is just no way to make it not. It just has to be this way.” he stopped a moment, “when we married, you know, you remember our fathers made the arrangements, worked everything out, right?”

 

Her shoulders stiffened, the dread grew stronger, she looked down, “yes” she answered in a small voice. “I knew that.....I guess I hadn’t really thought about it though, not for a while. We were so much in love......” her voice faded to almost nothing by the end. “Weren’t we?” she whispered, “Ran?” she turned to look at him, almost. Tilting her head his way, but unable to raise her eyes to meet his, as if afraid of what she’d see, or afraid of what she’d let him see....”Ran, is-” she swallowed, “is there someone else?”

 

He tilted his head back, closing his eyes. “Not now but,” he looked down at her, she deserved him to _look_ at her, “but there should be.” he saw the flash of pain across her face, the loss. Saw the hunching of her shoulders, as if shielding her chest. He _knew_ the ripping, burning pain she was feeling - this was opening his own hole up again.

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

Her pain, so much like his own, like Yohji’s pain. And AGAIN, he was the cause of it...... “Miko. No questions. Let me get through this. I know it hurts, I’m sorry - you deserve the truth. Just, listen,”

 

He turned on the sofa dropping his head into his hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Before my **father**.....” he couldn’t keep the venom from his voice “shortly before he called me to his home to _inform me_ we were to marry, I’d promised myself to someone else.”

 

 

“Promised” she whispered

 

“Yes, I’d ......proposed - I guess. I’d bought a ring, we’d moved in together. We were so happy...... Then, I get a summons from _HIM._ He informed me of our upcoming marriage. I.... he had a hold on my life, one you were not aware of. (he’d never shared the real truth of Aya with her - she had no idea...) “I argued a bit, but then he made threats to -” he cut off - he wouldn’t say Yohji’s name....not to her, and he would not tell her of Aya. “I didn’t have the guts to stand up to him, to do what it would take to refuse, I went along with it. I was afraid of - afraid he’d hurt -”

 

He made a chopping motion with his hand, “it doesn’t matter. We married. It’s never been what you thought, and I’m sorry. I don’t _love_ you Miko. I care about you, you’re a giving person, a wife someone would be proud of, but this would never have happened without my bastard father getting involved. I’ve tried to be.... kind to you, but it’s a sham, a shadow, a hoax. I’m sorry, so incredibly sorry..... You deserve someone who will cherish you, love you for real.....” he trailed off, took a deep breath.

 

“Anyway, something has happened. The hold is broken now and I can’t, I won’t do this anymore. I’m done. I’m not angry, not at you anyway, I’m just done. A clean break is best. I’ll move out today. I won’t be back. I’m not going to fight or talk this out. This is it. I’ve called my attorney - you keep the house. You’ll be well off financially. All I’m taking is my car and some clothes. Everything else is yours. You’ll be well taken care of in the settlement, but it will be a one-time thing, no ongoing contact. We won’t see each other except as necessary for the legal requirements. I’ll try to keep you out of the media nightmare as much as possible, try not to hurt you any more than I have already. I just, I have to do this Miko. I have to find ME. I’ll do my best to wrap things up quickly. The rest is up to you.”

 

She sat, stunned for a moment. “I” she stopped, tried again, “I don’t really know what to say.” She whispered. “I love you, but that seems inadequate.” She stopped for a moment, shuddered. Ran felt horrible. She should have someone hold her as she dealt with this. But she was as alone as he was. A bastard father who’d sold her for a merger, no family here. Some friends she’d made over the last year, but.....

 

“Apparently, I don’t even know you, do I?” she went on, he could hear the tears she held back in her voice, the hurt, this bitterness, “I guess I love the _idea of you._ I can’t - I can’t think right now. I won’t fight you, what’s the point? Why would I fight for someone who flat out says he doesn’t love me? Why would I want that in the media? I don’t want that dragged out any more than you do, I guess...... does your father know?”

 

“No. I owed you that much. I came to you first. The only other one I have spoken with is the attorney - I wanted...... to get things started as quickly as possible. I’m going to talk to **him** later this afternoon. He shouldn’t bother you Miko. This is between him and I more than anything - I can’t imagine him having the guts to bother you. He’d have to face you knowing you know - I’ll make sure he knows you do...... I really - it - it shouldn’t have gone this far, for so long. You deserve so much more.” he rose from the sofa, “thank you for being so gracious. I know this hurts, believe me,

 

_**I love you…… forever……**_

 

I know.” this last, barely a whisper. “I’ll go pack my things. I won’t be back. The house, everything left here, is yours.”

 

He went into the bedroom and filled three suitcases with the sum of his life for these last months. Some clothes, some special things Yohji’d given him, some music. That was it. This place might as well be a resort, a hotel. Nothing here was his.

 

He left. As he passed the living room she still sat there, quietly crying. He didn’t stop. He left his key on the table in the foyer, and left this part of his so called life behind. He loaded his bags into the car, and pulled from the driveway.

 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Ran’s voice faded over the speakerphone. It sounded as though he’d dropped the phone and was walking away. Schuldig turned to the seat next to him. “Yohji? Are you alright?” Yohji was pale, sitting with his head back on the seat, his eyes squeezed shut. He took a deep breath. “...”m okay.” he said. Another shuddering breath, “ I knew this would be hard, that’s why I did it this way. Gods, he sounded so lost, so _broken....._ ” he stopped.

 

Schuldig waited a moment, “Do you want to go back?”

 

“Do I want?” Yohji whispered, eyes still closed. He took a deep breath, letting it out in a sigh “yes, I _want,_ but no, I’m not going back. No matter how he thinks he can fix it....... Schuldig, I have to do this. I have to find **me** again. Who _I_ am, as _me_ not as Ran’s Yohji, but as _me._ Who I was before” another deep breath. He ran his fingers through his hair and sat up straighter. “ sorry man, look, thanks but - really I have to do this. Let’s just go, okay?”

 

“Alright.” Schuldig picked up the phone, switching it off speaker as he started the jeep. “Brad, are you still there?”

 

Brad watched the redhead stumble out the door, shaking his head. He went to pick up the phone and heard Schuldig calling. “Schuldig? Wow man, I’m sorry. You okay?”

 

“yeah, we’re fine. I’m gonna drop Yohji and then I’ll be right back. I’m sorry this took so long, sorry you got dragged into this, it’s a bit much to drop on you so fast.”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. I just - man, the guy really had me worried for a sec there at first, he was kinda out of it - thought he was gonna pass out on me for a bit there.” he stopped, “never mind that. I’ll still be here - extenuating circumstances and all that. Just -” his voice dropped “hurry back, we can still make up for lost time”

 

Schuldig”s breath caught, “I will. I’ll be back as soon as I can - promise. And, thanks, really” he hung up the phone and turned to Yohji. “You sure you’re alright?”

 

“No. But I will be. Thanks Schu - this means a lot. Sorry I kept you so late.” Yohji looked at him, “breakfast was nice, and you’re a real friend. I need to let you get back to your little hottie - he’s a real keeper to put up with all this shit and stick around.” he grinned, “or maybe _you’re_ the hottie if he’s so willing to do what it takes to keep ya, hmmm?”

 

“You know I’d do anything I can for you Yohji. You rogue. And, wouldn’t _you like to know_ what I do that makes him wanna wait for me, hmm?” Schuldig smiled. “Really, anything, you know that. If -” he paused “if Ran comes around, asks, what do you want me to tell him?”

 

“Nothing. And, I doubt he will come around anyway. He’s shaken up right now. But-” Yohji’s eyes and voice hardened, “he’ll go to work, get busy, his **_wife_** will need something, whatever. If he could go so long without calling knowing I was right there... well, if the little voice in the back of his head isn’t bugging him to call once in a while, it’ll just be that much easier to be busy. Besides, his pride will keep him from coming back to you. He told you to tell me how to call him, that’ll ease his conscience, knowing **I** can call **him**. Lets him off the hook.”

 

Yohji smiled. “Never mind, don’t worry. This had to happen. It’ll be good.” he saw the building up ahead, “this is it, just drop me here.” he punched Schuldig”s shoulder, “you get back to that hot number. I’ll keep in touch. But-” he looked down, “it might be a while before I call, I - I need some time, ya know?”

 

“I do Yohji - I understand. Just, send a text, or an email or something, a postcard. Just let me know you’re alive, okay? And the guys too... they will want to know you’re ok too. And you know, if you need _anything_ \- if this doesn’t work out, if you need a place to crash, _anything_  - you call me - promise.” Schuldig gave him that look, that one that says, **I WILL find you, wherever you are, if you don’t.**

 

Yohji laughed. “Okay! Man, I promise, alright?” he clasped Schuldig”s shoulder, “you’re the best friend a guy could ask for. Really. Keep tabs on Jei and the guys, huh? I’ll check in soon enough. And good luck with Brad. And-” he grimaced, “if Ran does bother you-”

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it. Just, do what you need to do Yohji.”

 

“Yeah, thanks again Schu.” Yohji got out of the jeep, grabbing his duffle. He headed down the sidewalk.

 

Schuldig watched him go. “I hope you get what you need my friend, I really do. You deserve to be happy. So much.” he smiled and took a deep breath. “And so do I,” he grinned, Brad’s face filling his thoughts “and I’m gonna go get what I deserve.”

 

He turned the jeep around, anticipation building. “In fact, maybe I’ll get started early.” he picked up the ear piece for his cell and dialed Brad. “Hello Brad, I just dropped Yohji. I’m on my way back now. So, how can I show my appreciation for your patience? Hmm, tell me-” his voice dropped, “ _what are you wearing, hmm?”_

 

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Ran drove to his office. It was almost 4:00 now, things were quiet. He came in through the back, trying not to draw attention to himself. A few people saw him on his way to his office, but no one said anything. Good, Tina had taken the day off like he’d told her. He left her a note, telling her what he could, apologizing, and included a glowing reference, his new cell number, and a nice bonus, in an envelope in the top drawer. He hoped she’d be alright.

 

He went into his office, packed a box with his personal items, and accessed a few key files. He printed out a few items, and cleared any personal information from his computer. He took a last look around, made sure everything was in order, and braced himself for the confrontation of his life.

 

He left his office, leaving the box on the reception desk in the lobby. People were preparing to leave for the day. Some noticed him, a few curious gazes followed him, but no one stopped him or asked the questions he could see burning on their faces. Of course, _he_ couldn’t see the cold fury emanating from his eyes.

 

He approached his father’s office, coldly seething. He strode past the secretary’s desk, not even seeing her, not reacting to her shocked gasp at the look on his face, his casual jeans and t-shirt, his dead eyes. Not hearing her small incredulous cry of “Ran?” He entered his father’s private office. His domain. There he sat, on his pseudo-throne, in all his arrogance, awaiting the approach of the “peasants” in repentance, obeisance, or supplication. Ran was none of those. Not today.

 

“Ran!” he barked. “Where the hell have you been?! What the hell have you been doing?! You lousy shit! I have been calling you all afternoon! Where’s your damn phone? What the fuck are you playing at? Disregarding your duty. Clearing your calendar for a WEEK?! Are you MAD? I’ve had angry calls all afternoon demanding an explanation. Some of those conferences took weeks to get scheduled. Get this mess straightened out and do it NOW, or so help me.....” he stopped, looking at Ran just standing there, quiet. No reaction, no protest, just watching him.

 

“Are you finished?” Ran asked. Waited a moment, “Good. MY turn.” He turned and closed the office door, noticing the bystanders in the hall, avid curiosity blazing in their eyes. Screw them. He turned back. “I have something to say. **_YOU_** will listen, then **_I_** will leave. That’s it. No discussion, no argument, no questions. Just LISTEN” he growled as he walked toward the desk. His father’s jaw dropped, he seemed as though he wanted to say something, but was just incapable at the moment, shock maybe, and a hint of fear at Ran’s fury.

 

“I warned you once before that if you hurt Yohji you’d regret it.” his father’s eyes narrowed, he took a breath as though he was about to say something. “No!” Ran snapped “you WILL listen. You did everything you could to bend me to your will, to drive him away. Well, congratulations, he’s gone. You may not have hurt him physically, but I allowed you to hurt him through me..... And now, you face the consequences.”

 

“Consequences? What the hell are you talking about. I’ll give you consequences. Did you forget sleeping beauty you little prick?.....” Persia’s voice trailed off as he took in the look on Ran’s face.

 

“Nice try bastard.” Ran growled. Persia’s face drained of color. “That’s right asshole, she’s awake. I have her. You have no hold on me. None. I’m done, gone. You are on your own. I quit. You should seriously consider yourself lucky I don’t beat the fuck out of you.” Ran closed his eyes for a split second, clenching his teeth. “I have already addressed my personal accounts, cleared my office. I’ve talked to Miko and to my attorney. I wash my hands of you and your manipulations.” he tossed a thick envelope onto the desk. “My resignation. There is no reason in this world for me to ever see your face again. You have no interest in my personal life.”

 

“That - “ he pushed the envelope closer to the man, “severs all corporate connections, all ties. I went through it thoroughly. Miko is aware that I am filing for divorce. I started the necessary paperwork today. **_You_** have nothing to do with it. You **_will_** leave her alone, or I swear on everything I hold dear, the media will have a field day with Krittiker Music. I will go on every talk show there is if you bother her or Aya or me. That is a promise.”

 

He straightened, taking a deep breath. “Be glad I don’t kill you now.” His voice was cold, dead. “I want to. You have NO idea how much I want to right now......” he stepped back, fists clenched. “So, that’s it. I am done. I will not discuss this with you any further. I refuse to empower you in any way. Good bye.” he turned away, striding to the door.

 

“Wh - WHAT?!” his father jumped from his chair, just as Ran reached the door. “I OWN you you little shit! You know better! You **_absolutely_ ** will **_not_** walk out that door!! He roared. “you’ll never work in music again! Get your ass back to work! I swear, I will disown you, you will be completely broken!” he screamed at Ran.

 

“I already am.” Ran returned coldly, just before passing through the doorway, co-workers staring in disbelief. He walked calmly away.

 

“Ran!” his father bellowed, his voice echoing down the hallway. “I swear, I will ruin you, you will never work again. You are **no longer my son!”**

 

“I wish.” was Ran’s fervent reply as he kept walking.

 


	14. Chapter 14

** CHAPTER 14 **

 

A meeting

 

** 6 months later : **

 

 

Yohji lowered the paper he’d been reading, musing as he drank his coffee. “I can’t believe he actually did it. Amazing enough, his resignation from Krittiker, but he actually went through with the divorce. Aya. She must have woken up, or Persia finally lost control somehow...... or... no. If she’d died, Ran likely would have too”

 

Sitting at the coffee table, he turned on the TV to listen to the morning news and blinked, startled, “ _Ran?!”_ He quickly increased the volume, “.....yes that’s right ladies, hearts can melt anew. The elusive Ran Fujimiya, formerly of Krittiker, is officially a free man once again. As of yesterday, the divorce is now final. Our team caught up with Ran briefly as he exited the courthouse yesterday. He gave no comment, quiet as usual, but our photographer caught this photo as he made his exit. Now the questions begin, will he return to music under another label? Break into to the club scene as rumored? Will he enter the dating scene as the sexy eligible bachelor he is, or will he remain apart, reclusive as he has been recently?

 

Either way, you may soon be able to catch a glimpse yourself. Sources report he has been seen often the last few weeks in the art district, frequenting the 9th Street Gallery. One rumor circulating seems to indicate there may be reservations in the works. This gallery, known for presenting the debut of many a budding artist, is booked as much as a year in advance. Has Ran found a budding young artist to sponsor now that he is no longer devoted to Krittiker? Check back periodically for any updates regarding the social scene or information on the potential artworks. Moving on to sports............”

 

As the storyline changed, Yohji muted the television. Gods, he’d been surprised to see him. Big as life, in living color, standing there on the courthouse steps. He’d looked.... good. More than good, beautiful, as always. But, tired. Eyes pinched, sunken a bit, like he hadn’t been resting..... The small archive photo in the paper with the note about the divorce didn’t do him justice.

 

Yohji let his thoughts turn to what Ran might be doing now. He was looking at galleries? Could Ran have finally decided to pursue his dream? He’d always wanted to make a life of art he’d said. But his father wouldn’t allow it. If Ran’d been willing to actually leave Krittiker, flip his life upside down, maybe he was considering pursuing painting again. Or, he had a good eye. Maybe he _had_ found a young starving artist to debut.

 

Yohji closed his eyes, again seeing the still shot from the news. He’d looked tired, but still so beautiful. Yohji felt the emptiness returning. He took a deep breath. “I can’t do this now. Not today. Gotta get this show on the road. I promised the guys” He downed his coffee, lit his cigarette and grabbed his jacket. “Cross your fingers Yohji old boy” he thought, “if this works out you could finally be on your way to fixing the mess you made of things.”

 

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

 

Ran could feel nails run across the sensitive skin of his hips, fingers in his hair, lips tracing down his body, hot breath raising goose bumps as it trailed across his belly. His name floated to him across the breeze, as it ran wispy fingers through his hair. He caught a scent in the air, and it was unmistakable. His body felt electric……ALIVE……

Ran was shocked awake by a loud clap of thunder. When lightning flashed he thought he saw emerald eyes hovering above his frame. He rubbed his eyes, and tried to shake away the cobwebs deep sleep always brought. He got out of bed, and opened the window, inhaling deeply, the water beating against his face harshly for a moment before he closed the glass again. He watched the rain pound against the window pane.

 

He’d dreamed of Yohji again, like he had almost every night, especially during storms. But this time, this time when he woke, it was different. When he woke this time it didn’t **_hurt_** so much, he _wanted_ this feeling. He wanted to _remember._

 

Gods, he still missed him so much, but the **pain** , the broken glass shredding him from the inside, that had finally faded to a dull ache. An ache that told him he was still alive.

 

Yes, he still missed him, but he found he could think of him without wishing he wasn’t. He sighed. Where was Yohji now? What was he doing? Was he happy? Was he well? Ran pulled the necklace from his neck, and slid the ring from its place on the tender leather string. He read the inscription again.......

 

As the storm raged on he knew with certainty that he was a slave to fate no longer. Even if Yohji never came back, he would be okay. Not _happy_  maybe, but maybe that wasn’t meant for him. Even with Aya back.....

 

He’d _been_ happy, for a time, even as she’d slept he’d actually been happy, and not willing to fight for it. He’d let it go too easily.

 

He had happiness around him now, in a way. Happy for Aya anyway. She seemed to be truly happy, enjoying college, living life..... At least Ran had the memories, he HAD been happy. He could keep that. No one could take away what had been. He wasn’t really alone now. Not like he’d been _before_ Yohji’d come into his life. Now he could look back on that perfect time, before things went off track, and even some of the time while things were falling apart, and know happiness. And he could be happy through Aya.

 

He pulled off his shirt, sliding the necklace back over his head, and walked around the room, choosing one of the paintings he was in the process of finishing. He pulled the cloth from the front of the canvas before him, and grabbed a paint brush. As the fabric drifted to the floor his breath hitched in his throat. Even after all these months, the sight of those warm green eyes tore every ounce of air from his lungs. He dipped the brush into the paint, stroked it over the canvas, and lost himself in his work.

 

Several hours later, his eyes started to drift closed, and fearing for the painting he was working on, he set his brush aside. He looked out the window and the sun was coming up over the bay, orange, purple, and blue streaking across the sky.

 

With a glance at the clock he realized it was after seven o’clock in the morning. _Oh well……_ _When the muse strikes I must answer his call……_.

****

**A year later** :

 

 

When Ran arrived at the gallery, he looked at his watch. He was about 45 minutes early. He pulled open the door before him, and froze. Seeing walls covered in his work, stirred something inside him, and he couldn’t help the glowing smile that played on his lips.

 

When the doors opened to the public Ran was surprised to find that a crowd was already waiting to get inside. _All this for my work?_ It was a little overwhelming. People shuffled in, and he heard voices of delight as they took in his hard work, his being... Whispers of “that’s him, Rook. See the hair?”

 

He strode over to one of his paintings marked as “not for sale” and let his fingers trace over the small blood red rook symbol on the bottom corner, up over the edge of the frame, then coming to rest on the gold ring hanging from his neck on a string of thin black leather. The light glinted off the bracelet dangling from his right wrist as he grasped the ring tightly.

 

He contemplated the chess symbol a moment. His reminder to himself in all things to look at _every angle_. Even if a situation seemed utterly hopeless, never to be backed into a corner again. Just like chess, he would see every possibility before he committed himself, his life, his soul to anything.... ever again. He would not be forced, coerced, manipulated to make a choice that could destroy him, ever again. He would look at every possible outcome.... and check every opportunity. If only he’d done that then.... if he’d checked the doctors / hospital angle....no. he wouldn’t go down this path again. Not tonight...

 

Ran sighed and let his hand drop.... 18 months.... 18 months ago, he became one of the living dead. 18 months ago since he quit the job he despised. 18 months ago he left the wife he never loved. 18 months ago he got his heart’s desire, only to immediately have life itself ripped from his chest. He found life, only to lose it in the same moment and be forced to live on ......

 

He devoted himself to Aya, fulfilling every wish, every desire she had. Carnivals, concerts, rediscovering music with her, plays, board games, school... everything. After Aya, he poured himself into pursuing his heart’s dream to paint.... It hadn’t been easy, but he’d changed his life. In the end, though the sacrifice could never be worth it, to know Aya was happy, and to be able to enjoy his art, this was enough. He could live with it.

 

His eyes caressed the lines of the features he knew like the back of his hand. If only he could know that Yohji’d found peace, or love.... He’d never been able to force himself to contact WEISS. He knew, they wouldn’t tell him anything anyway... he listened to the radio, like wiggling a sore tooth he listened to WEISS’s songs from the first two albums over and over, and he scoured the gossip rags for any hints of Yohji. But it seemed that he’d fallen off grid. No rumor of reunion, no solo career... he just wished he could know if Yohji found any of the solace he’d so badly needed.

 

He allowed himself one small moment of loss. He was lonely. Aya gone now in University, she had so many friends now. Not _that_ much younger than he, but he felt... so much older. Yes, he was alone, and would remain so, but he felt he deserved it, this solitude. He had his art, and no desire to ever seek love again. He’d never desired anybody but Yohji, and couldn’t contemplate the thought of someone else.

 

He’d made changes in his life, fixed what he could, supported Aya in everything she put her mind to.... Then again, all the changes in the world meant nothing, if they came too late…… The pain flared for a brief moment as flashes danced across his mind; _the video, finding the ring, the desperate call to Schuldig, the realization that.... he was gone. … Yohji’d left, walked away, for good……_ and the ultimate regret that if he’d been only a bare few hours earlier, he could have..... Ran sighed once more before taking a deep cleansing breath and forcing his thoughts to return to here, now, tonight.

 

Ran wandered through the gallery, marveling at hosting his own gallery showing, listening in on the conversations taking place. It seemed the general response was favorable, gasps and awe abounded, and he felt a bit of pride swell in his chest. He had finally become a man Yohji could be proud of, at least he hoped he’d be....

 

“Hey, Ran……”

 

Ran’s heart skipped a beat as he heard that voice. The voice of his dreams, his visions. It was a little different, deeper, raspier maybe, roughed by too many cigarettes perhaps, but it still sent a warmth through his soul. He had to be dreaming. _There’s no way…… It can’t be……_ he turned around, and found to his dismay, that it could, and was.

 

“Uh…… I……” _Oh my god…… what the hell do I say……_

 

“How are you?”

 

“Uh…… I……”

 

Slender tan fingers wrapped around his wrist, and forest green eyes implored him to follow. He moved behind the other man, the contact at his wrist spreading fire up his arm, straight to his heart, stealing his breath. When they were outside, off to one side away from the crowd Yohji finally spoke. “Ran, are you just going to stand there? Will you talk to me?”

 

He found Yohji’s eyes and saw hesitation there, and... doubt. His own fear faded away, replaced by a desire to do anything, find any way to put Yohji at ease. “I’m sorry. I .. I was just so surprised, seeing you here. I didn’t know what to say.”

“It’s alright. I’m nervous too. Ummm…… Your work is wonderful. I knew you could do this Ran..”

 

“Thank you,” Ran said with satisfaction. “That means a lot.....”

 

“Your public seems to like them... Some are... you always did make me out to be more than I am, Ran”

 

“no Yohji. You are more than you realize.” Ran took a deep breath and plunged on, “you are an incredibly handsome, beautiful, sexy, man Yohji. I told you that.”

 

“An elf prince Ran? Really? And a ... swordsman, a cowboy?... And, what.... an Angel, spirit?.”

 

“You inspire me, Yohji. You always have. I... I didn’t expect you here Yohji. I can take down the more.... exotic ones, if you like.”

 

“No. They’re... fine. I was just, surprised.” Yohji looked around before coming back to Ran, “I see some paintings are not for sale...those featuring .... well.... me, including those of the “exotic” variety.”

 

“Those are inspiration for future purchases. Buyers can get a feel for what I can do, and commission their own pieces. But your likeness, that is mine alone” Ran broke off, clearing his throat as he realized this conversation was going somewhere he doubted Yohji wanted to follow.

 

Silence followed for a bit, with neither able to look at the other for long. Finally, “So. How’ve you been? Aside from the art I mean” Yohji asked.

“Good, I guess. Tired. Working too much these last few weeks, getting ready for the opening. I’ve been really busy. Sorry, that is the art, but ... really, lately it’s all been about this opening.”

“You always did work too hard. How’s Miko?” Yohji asked, light, off-hand, as though it was an everyday topic.

 

Ran froze for a moment, then shook himself, forcing his body to turn back toward the gallery window, looking away from Yohji, and to keep his voice under control, “I have no idea. I haven’t talked to her,” he said quietly. “Not since ..... before our divorce was final,” he added as an afterthought.

“Oh,” Yohji said “ ... and..... your father?”

 **“** _Him..._ ” Ran growled before he could catch it. He took a breath, clenched his teeth and closed his eyes briefly. He was rigid, fighting for control. “I don’t really know... I haven’t seen him since the day you-” he stopped, swallowing. He took a shaky breath, then opened his eyes as he turned to look at Yohji. Fighting for calm, looking steadily into Yohji’s eyes as he said it, “the day you left.” Still, his voice broke at the end. He looked away and ran his fingers through his hair. “I resigned that very afternoon. He disowned me, loudly. I haven’t willingly spoken with him since.”

“Ran, that same day? But, how?” Yohji whispered...... “Aya?” Yohji asked curiously.

 

“She ... woke.... that weekend....” Yohji hissed in a sharp breath of realization, “she’s awake now Yohji. She’s doing.... well, she’s happy. Persia has no hold on me .... not anymore.” Ran could feel himself being pulled towards the other man. He fought against the gravity reeling him in, even though he yearned to feel the heat of the other man’s body, even just for a moment. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” He shook his head to hide the shudder that ran through him. “Forgive me, Yohji, but…… what are you doing here?”

 

“I couldn’t pass up the chance to come to your first opening. I saw the ad in the newspaper and I couldn’t stay away. At first I wasn’t sure it was you. Rook? You’ll have to explain your choice. But, I recognized the painting in the flyer at the coffee house, the painting from the apartment. Even though I…… I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, I wanted to come. I thought I might not be…… welcome. I should have -”

“You’re always welcome, Yohji. You should know that.”

“But after everything……”

“Yohji,” Ran said, “I mean it. You’re always welcome in my life, in any way you see fit. In any way you find me deserving. Always, Nissho”

“It’s been such a long time,” Yohji mumbled, his hand reaching out for the other man hesitantly, Ran held his breath, but it fell back to his side.

“It has been a long time,” he agreed. “How have you been? Are you... happy?”

“Oh…… ummm……yeah. Life is good, real good. I..... I reunited with WEISS.....I figured, you’d know.... but .... if you’ve left the music business.......maybe not huh? We.... actually, we just signed a record deal, a real one, and a big reunion tour contract. We head out on tour in April if it all comes together. We start recording the new album in a month or so, pushing for a Christmas release, and I’ll be leaving for L.A. in a week. To relocate there. Permanently” Yohji said, his face glowing with pride.

 

Ran’s heart stopped, just for a moment, *permanently* he forced himself to speak. “I’m glad to hear about the contract Yohji. You have so much talent. You deserve it. You all do” He meant it, god he still loved him... so much.

 

How did we end up a few inches apart? Ran thought, body pulsing at the proximity of the man who was his everything. His fingertips grazed the smooth skin of Yohji’s arm lightly, and it only served to torture him even more. Ran’s eyes closed, and he sucked in a shaky breath at the small, almost imperceptible, contact.

 

Stepping back, Ran turned away, back toward the gallery window. “That day... that’s the day I left Miko’s home too. I moved back ..... to the apartment.... with Aya. Once Aya started classes at University, I started painting. At first to try to capture, hold on to something.” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I had to see you, this was the only way I could think how.”

 

Ran’s eyes had looked so lost for a moment as he described wanting to see Yohji again... the _longing_ so plain..... Yohji cleared his throat, “Ran, I think we need to talk. You said Aya is awake now. Is she staying with you, at the apartment? Maybe I could come by tonight after this is done, or we could-?”

 

Ran spun - hope briefly shining before he quickly mastered it. “Yes, Yohji. I’d.... I’d like that.” Ran’s eyes had closed briefly, causing him to miss Yohji’s own eyes widening at the *yes Yohji*.

 

“No, Aya isn’t staying there with me. Not anymore. She.... she started college and finally moved into the dorm this semester. She comes to stay on holidays.... She couldn’t make it tonight, has exams” he turned to the window again “Yes Yohji, I would like that very much. I’d be very interested in hearing how you’ve been these last-”

 

“Yohji?” a deep voice called from near the entrance, laced with curiosity and frustration. A handsome blonde young man came around the corner, “Hey man. There you are. What are you- oh.” he cut off as he realized Yohji wasn’t alone. “You ok?” the voice took on a slightly menacing tone as he looked Ran over.

 

“Yeah, Yuushi, I’m fine.” Yohji said. He turned from Ran and gave the blonde a light kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back inside in a minute.”

 

“...hmm, “k.... if you’re sure.” The blonde gave Ran another glance, almost glare, “I’ll go look around a bit more.” He turned back toward the entrance.

 

Yohji turned back to Ran. Ran had his mask firmly back in place. His eyes were closed, and he was trembling slightly, but his face was blank - closed. He opened his eyes as he realized Yohji wasn’t talking anymore. “Yuushi?” he whispered, then swallowed, tried to not let it show, “Are you-?” he started to ask, but cut off.

 

Yohji could tell he was trying very hard not to let any emotion leak into that question, but he could hear it, _feel it_ , emanating from Ran.

 

Ran’s eyes closed again, briefly as he cut his own question short. He took a deep breath and when he looked at Yohji again, he _was_ calm. The tension wasn’t flowing from him anymore. He looked like he truly meant it as he said, “I’m so glad for you Yohji, really. You look healthy, excited. This contract is what you’ve always wanted, I know.” He turned back toward the entrance, “Are you happy? Is.... are the guys well? Yuushi seems nice. A friend?”

 

“I’m as happy as I can be, I guess.” Yohji replied. He grabbed Ran’s wrist, stopping him. “Yeah, I have the band, my music again, a contract. But still.... something is missing, has been for a while.... the guys are good. Yuushi is a good friend too” he felt Ran stiffen for a split second, “He’s a keyboardist we signed on to WEISS. He’s part of the reason we got this gig. But.... we’re not together, not like that. Not anymore.” Ran stopped breathing.

 

“We were, for a while....I was.... broken Ran..... I ...needed.... and Yuushi was.....young, happy, carefree.... No drama, no baggage, no..... worry. But, not now. He cares for me, but...... he knows, always has, even before I did really -” Yohji let his voice drop, barely a whisper, “my heart isn’t mine. Never can be.” His voice grew stronger, “It belongs to someone else.”

 

Ran started to tremble harder, his breath catching. He put his hand out to the wall to steady himself. He didn’t try to pull his other arm from Yohji’s grasp, afraid Yohji would let him. He desperately wanted to keep it there. He took a deep breath as Yohji came closer.

 

“That’s why he was glaring at you like that.” Yohji said, his voice close to Ran’s ear. “I – I needed someone, to talk things over with. Someone not caught up in everything. Yuushi was more.... objective than Jei or Schu. He listened to me..... to everything..... He let me lean on him for a while, but.... he’s the one who broke things off. Said it just wasn’t gonna work and he didn’t want to risk the friendship we’d made. We hit it off right away. Grew really close quickly. a kindred spirit kind of thing. We’ve talked a lot over these last months. He helped me make some decisions.”

 

Yohji touched Ran’s hair, trailing his fingers though the ends, feather light. “Look -” he stepped back and let go of Ran’s arm. He took a big, deep breath and shook his head, “we do need to talk, but......not here, not right now. This is your night, your debut. You’ve been waiting for this your whole life........show me.” he smiled, “we’ll talk after. I’m not going anywhere right away.”

 

Ran let his forehead lean against the wall a moment. He turned to Yohji, not hiding anything. His eyes shone, hope budding there, “yes.... Yohji. Let me show you.....”

 

They went through the doorway to find Yuushi waiting slightly inside the foyer area. The glower was gone, he seemed more relaxed. “Hey.”

 

“Hello” Ran replied. “Yuushi, right? So, you guys have signed a deal....that’s great.”

 

“Yeah, it is” Yuushi turned to Yohji. “Sure you’re ok?” he asked, looking Yohji over. “Ok then,” he grinned, “I’m gonna blow this joint. Art’s not really my gig. Gonna find some night life with some noise.... call me tomorrow. Not too early mind. Hopefully it’ll be a _late night._ ” his grin grew wider as he sauntered away.

 

Yohji watched Yuushi walk away. He turned back to Ran. “So, show me your work.”

 

They caught up on the happenings of WEISS while they toured the gallery. Yuushi had

a crush on Manx, unrequited for now. She’d stayed on with WEISS through the hiatus,

working with Omi on media relations and royalty negotiations.

 

Omi and Ken had reached an amicable split. Omi burying himself in cyber space, especially after the latest rounds of classes, lost in the world of web design and the web. Ken grew more and more restless as he grew less able to talk with and understand Omi, and Ken needing more physicality, more interaction. They’d agreed to grow apart rather than lose their friendship and remained best friends with no animosity.

 

No one had been more surprised than Yohji when Jei asked Ken out. He’d watched the growing split, seemed to know it was coming, and swooped in fairly soon after Ken moved out of the condo. Ken loved food, and Jei loved to cook. He made full use of the “way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and won Ken over completely. They sparred together daily, both taking up kendo and martial arts, and Ken gladly tried all Jei’s new recipes....

 

Omi dated here and there, enjoying his new single status. Ken and he had been together since high school. For now, he was enjoying dating, men and women, and really just seemed happy with his laptop and his drums for now....

 

Schu was still with Bradley. Brad Crawford. Architect, visionary, and devoted to Schuldig. Yohji’d never seen him happier.

 

**Later............**

 

Ran turned to Tina as the last of the stragglers filed away. “You’re sure you don’t need me for anything else?” He was yet again very glad he’d convinced her to leave Krittiker and come with him when he settled on this. She was a great assistant.

 

“No Ran - I’m fine - go. I’ll call you tomorrow with the breakdown.” she smiled, her eyes darting to Yohji and back. She took a glance around the room, stopping on the closest paintings tagged _not for sale_ , those that figured Yohji’s likeness the most fiercely, the ones that almost shone. Her voice dropped to a whisper, “I hope things work out.... I hope you can be happy.” she gave Ran a brief hug and a light push toward Yohji. “Now, go.” she laughed.

 

“Thanks.” Ran smiled at her. He turned and approached Yohji, suddenly nervous. “Do you have a ride or.... do.” his voice trailed off as Yohji turned to him. His fear returned, the uncertainty, the knowledge in the back of his head that he _so_ didn’t deserve things to come out the way he desperately, painfully, hoped they would. He clenched his teeth for a moment, rigidly closing off those thoughts. He offered a way out, a way to avoid the rejection he feared was coming, “are you sure you want to go back to the apartment? We could go somewhere for coffee, a drink....”

 

“I’m sure Ran, let’s go. I’d like some privacy to talk” Yohji took his hand. “I didn’t bring my baby, I rode with Yuushi.” he turned to the door, “you have a car, or are we cabbing?”

 

“yeah, I have mine.”

 

They drove quietly, neither speaking at first. Yohji never took his eyes off Ran. He watched every move. Ran grew more tense with each mile until finally Yohji broke the silence. “Tell me Ran,” he said

 

“what?” Ran breathed “tell you what Yohji?”

 

“Everything - start with the day I-” he swallowed “I know you called Schu that morning...?” he watched Ran intently.

 

Ran tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He almost closed his eyes. He wanted to. He took a deep breath, holding it for a moment before sighing. If Yohji needed this, well.... He owed Yohji any penance he asked for. Yohji deserved _anything ..... everything._ He’d bleed any way necessary if it brought Yohji some comfort, regardless of the eventual outcome.

 

“Yohji, the missed meeting at the cottage..... Aya woke that Friday morning.”

 

Yohji’s eyes widened and he sat up straighter. “She woke at 4am or something that Friday morning after I’d dropped you at the airport. I tried to call your cell, but you’d dropped it in the car, so I called the hotel. I left messages..... I was fixing everything Friday and Saturday, then I... I fell asleep Saturday evening and she didn’t wake me, she didn’t know....

 

I tried to call you all Sunday after.... but you wouldn’t answer. She’s had a night terror and it took some time to calm her Sunday, they said it was normal, a period of adjusting..... Anyway, I fell asleep again Sunday afternoon or evening, and when I woke it was really late, so I decided to wait for morning.

 

Then, I came Monday, as soon as I squared everything with the doctors that morning, but ..... you were gone. I knew I didn’t deserve you even with such a reason for missing that night. That was only the last in a string of ways I’d hurt you.....”      

 

“I came to the apartment that morning, planning to make things up to you. To explain, soothe things....” his eyes narrowed, “Not that I really could, but.....I thought I was.....

 

Anyway, you weren’t there. When I saw the tape I-” he swallowed, cleared his throat. This hurt.... “I couldn’t believe it,” he whispered, “but.... I could too...... I realized - realized what I’d done to you. How terribly **_wrong_**  everything was. When the tape ended, all I could think was, Schuldig might know where, if anyone would.....”

 

He paused, looked at Yohji, “I called him, begged him to tell you.... it could be different. Did he, did he tell you what I said, anything?.....”

 

“No,” Yohji said. Ran turned back to the road, “he didn’t have to. The phone was on speaker. I was there, I heard you.” Ran gasped, and Yohji looked out the window. “It was so hard not to give in, to come back. I **_wanted_** to, but....I had to get away Ran. I wasn’t **_me_** _anymore_. I was some “kept woman” a whore, a shadow. _We_ weren’t _us_ anymore either. I had to remember who I was before........” he turned back.

 

“I know, I’m sorry.” Ran whispered, “Again, sorry of course can’t come close.... but I am. Sorry. Sorry for everything, for how it all just got so twisted.”

 

“So, anyway, after, after the call. Tell me that.” Yohji watched him again.

 

“Ok.” Ran seemed to think for a minute. “Let’s see.... I went back to the apartment, changed, made a few calls, and-” he let out a short laugh, “I compacted my cell phone.” he smiled, “it sure felt good.”

 

“What?!” Yohji looked at him with wide eyes. “You  _compacted it?_ Why?”

 

“Yeah. I didn’t want to have any way for my father to easily contact me. I really enjoyed that satisfying crunch. It was like breaking the first wall down on my prison.” he smiled, then it faded. “Then, I went to see Miko....” another sigh.

 

“I told her I was leaving, packed my things and left. She was..... very gracious. I didn’t deserve it. I hurt her as much as I’d hurt you, though it didn’t hurt me that I had, the way it did that I’d hurt you......” his voice dropped to a whisper.

 

He shook his head. “Anyway. I went back to the apartment, put some things in order, drafted my resignation and went to face my father. “ Ran turned to look intently at Yohji while at the red light. “I wanted to kill him... but I didn’t”

 

He took a deep breath and began to drive again. “Anyway, .... it was ....very satisfying, to finally walk away from Persia. Even though I was dying, I felt so alive..... for that moment. Aya was awake, I could finally put the bastard in his place, and..... I’d ended things with Miko....

 

But then ....... I had to face life without you.....

 

Even with Aya back...... against all hope I got my dream, but..... it was a nightmare ....

 

I was happy to have her back, she still loves me and it’s been amazing getting to know each other again, watching her grow into a beautiful young woman, but.....”

 

He sighed.... “I was not.... myself, I’m afraid. She’s been.... wonderfully patient. And then, now she’s in school anyway. It’s .... easier to be open for her during visits than all the time.... Anyway, I know the resignation and the divorce were in the news, I couldn’t keep them from it. Did you see........?”

 

“Yeah” Yohji grunted, “I was......surprised. Honestly, I never thought you would. Not either one, and certainly not both. I... I guess I never really..... never really believed she’d wake Ran”

 

“I know.” Ran whispered, “I don’t think I really did either, no matter what I said... I hadn’t thought I’d ever break away either. Yohji,” Ran rasped, “when I realized you were gone, and I had no way to find you, you were really gone.” Ran’s voice broke a little, “I knew, there was NOTHING I could lose that mattered like you. I love Aya, but...... you weren’t second choice Yohji. I just didn’t really realize it until it was too late.

 

It would kill me to choose Yohji, I know it would, but..... I also know now,..... if I ever had to choose, from anything, it would be you. Material things - what do they matter? Even if I end up on a park bench, in a gutter - so what? I would be losing **_nothing_**. YOU, you were everything. . It would......hurt ..... to lose Aya, if I had to make that choice, but.... nothing, nothing like losing you., you were, **_are_** _everything._ ”

 

He stopped, pulling into the driveway, staring straight ahead, determined to get this out. “You always have been, from the first night.” Finally he turned to Yohji.

 

“There has never been anything or anyone in my life that meant what you meant Yohji. Aya is my sister, but.... you..... you’re my existence. I was a fool to go along with my father when he told me to be with _her_ \- I should have walked away then. Found a way. I’m SO SO SORRY that I didn’t - that I wasted all that time, that I hurt you so deeply, for so long.......”

 

he felt the tears tracing down his face, powerless to stop them, terrified that Yohji would leave now that he’d heard Ran’s confession, knowing there really was nothing he could give to Yohji that could make up for all those months...... he closed his eyes, not daring to hope.

 

“Hey” Yohji whispered, reaching out to wipe Ran’s cheek. “You’re painting now, huh? For a living and all?”

 

Ran looked at him, confused, “well, yes - that was sort of the reason for the gallery display tonight” Ran held Yohji’s hand against his face, trembling and completely unable to stop it.

 

“Well, it seems to me, you could paint anywhere, right? And you’re not exactly on a schedule either” Yohji raised his other hand, tangling his fingers in Ran’s hair slightly. “Like, if say you were to take a vacation, say to _go on tour with someone.”_

 

Ran gasped, raising his eyes quickly to search Yohji’s intently, “Yohji,” he whispered “are you-”

 

“Ran,” Yohji whispered against Ran’s lips, his warm breath sending shivers up Ran’s spine. “Come with me. Come back to me...” he mouthed, nipping at Ran’s bottom lip. “Let me come back to you. I need you. I need us.” his words ended as he captured Ran’s mouth with his own, swallowing the moan that escaped from Ran’s soul.

 

The kiss was gentle at first, relearning each other, but quickly grew frantic as Ran gripped Yohji by the hair, melting against him, “Yohji” he moaned, “oh God, Yohji......” he kept repeating his name, like a prayer, Yohji trailed his kisses down Ran’s jaw, back up to his temple, kissed his eyes..... “Yes Yohji, yes, anywhere, anything, just....” Yohji claimed his mouth again, effectively cutting off anything else Ran had to say.

 

The kiss gentled as Yohji started to pull away, “Ran,” he moaned, “let’s go inside, I want you, and I want you in comfort, with plenty of time, no interruptions, and not crammed in a car.....”

 

“Y-yes Yohji ,” Ran tried to control the shaking, the desire to **_just hold on so tight_**. He sat back and got out of the car. “Let’s go inside.”

 

Ran’s hands were shaking so, he could barely fit the key into the lock. Yohji was pressed up against his back, trailing kisses across the nape of his neck. “Ran” he moaned, “hurry and get that damn door open or I may take you right here in the hallway.” Ran dropped the key.

 

He pressed himself back into the warmth that was Yohji. “Yohji” he slid up and down, “I can barely think as it is……” he stood straighter and took a small step forward. “I have to do this” he hissed. “just…. Hang on…..” he bent slightly sideways as he bent down to retrieve the key. Yohji’s hand trailing down his back.

 

“Here” Yohji growled, “let me do it.” He wrapped his hand around Ran’s, slid the key into the lock and opened the door. “I seem to have slightly more focus at the moment. But then, I have been planning this for a while,... while you, you were a bit surprised I’d say, hmm?” he smiled at Ran. “I did surprise you, didn’t I?”

 

“Surprise is not even on the same radar as what you did to me. I still can’t believe you’re here…..” Ran turned into Yohji’s embrace as they entered the apartment and shut the door.

 

Yohji leaned against the door holding Ran for a moment. “When I read about the divorce, I started to think about calling you. I almost did but – I still wasn’t sure. It took me a while to get things right. I found me again, and I can live with who I am – comfortable, confident, not a shell needing someone to make me worthwhile, but….. even though I’ve found myself, my old Yohji charm,… I’ve come to realize I’m not whole – not without you.

 

Then, I saw the add about the art show a few months ago. I figured you must have somehow found a way to get custody of Aya, an asleep Aya I’d assumed. But, I figured, maybe Persia had really blown it. Given you some dirt you could use to make him let you go, and..... I couldn’t stop thinking about you again……. I began to plan. I’d hoped this would be the result, but I wasn’t sure……it’s been such a long time, and I never did call you…”

 

He lowered his eyes slightly, suddenly seeming unsure, “you could have found someone….” His voice trailed off. He heard Ran’s sharp intake of breath, felt his grip tighten on his arms. He looked up into intense, burning violet.

 

“Yohji. There has NEVER been _anyone but you_ .…never, since that first night. You _know_ that” He glanced away from Yohji, closing his eyes, “Miko was never….” He couldn’t go on, “No. I don’t want to discuss her, anything of that….Yohji – you are the _only_ one, _ever_ that I have wanted…..come,” he slowly smiled, beginning to believe this was real,

“please, let me show you how much I have missed you. Let me make everything up to you,” his voice dropped to a sultry moan, “let me love you again…” He led Yohji toward the bedroom.

 

As they crossed the threshold, suddenly it was as though Yohji came out of his trance. He stopped, just inside the door, holding Ran’s arm. He pulled slightly and Ran melted against him. He could feel the heat between them. He turned, pinning Ran against the wall and leaned in, hands on either side of Ran’s head. He leaned down, closer…. swallowing each little gasp as Ran’s breath started to come faster. He traced feather light kisses at Ran’s temple, his jaw, behind his ear, down the side of his neck – this earning him a choked moan “God, Yohji, please……”

 

He pressed his knee between Ran’s thighs, rubbing slightly. “I’ve missed you, Ran.” He whispered against Ran’s neck. He took a deep breath, inhaling as though it was the sweetest fragrance. “your smell,” he licked up from the pulse point in Ran’s throat to the curve behind his ear, “your taste.” He ran his hands up under Ran’s shirt, reveling in the tremble, felt it when Ran’s legs gave slightly, “the feel of you, under my hands” he nipped at Ran’s bottom lip.

 

Ran growled slightly in the back of his throat, “Yes Yohji. it’s been so _long,_ ” he rasped, suddenly forgetting how to breathe, never mind that he was breathing faster, whimpering, moaning. He couldn’t think anymore, not with words….only _feel._

He ran his hands through Yohji’s hair, across his face, drinking in the sight of him, _really here._ He traced his hands across that perfectly taught abdomen, up across Yohji’s strong, muscled back.

 

He arched against him, “Yohji,” he gasped, “it really has been too long….” He could feel the ache building, the almost pain in the pit of his stomach. He was so hard, it was painful. He was about to burst and Yohji hadn’t even touched him……”I …I …you… Yohji, _please….._ ” suddenly Ran grabbed the back of Yohji’s neck, pulling him in for an almost violent kiss, thrusting his tongue into Yohji’s mouth, desperate to taste him again, “I _need_ you Yohji” he panted, “I ….so long…. _touch me,_ ” this almost soundless, **“please** ……” a groan, “oh please” almost a sob.

 

Yohji tightened his hold on Ran’s face with one hand, kissing him deeply, “Yes, Ran, yes” he growled, his other hand traced down Ran’s side, dropping to the waistband of his pants, finally cupping Ran’s hot, firm erection through the fabric. “Ngh, oohhh,” Ran moaned, wordless, as he thrust almost fiercely forward, his head thrown back, his hands knotting in Yohji’s hair. He arched again, “Yo-Yohji…. Yoh-... ji....yo,” his eyes half lidded struggled to open, “I ..nh, ahhh, oh – I… so _long_ ” he gripped Yohji’s shoulders, “ahhh,” he licked his lips.

 

“yeah Baby,” Yohji deftly unzipped Ran’s fly, easing the tightness, reaching in, just below the waistband to finally, finally feel hot silky skin in his hand. Ran’s eyes flew open, “AH!,” he bucked into Yohji’s hand, “Yohji, Nissho,” he choked, “I’m gonna -” his eyes slammed shut, his head hit back against the wall as he froze, squeezing Yohji’s arms, locking his knees, “Y-Yoh.....nnh” his moan came from deep, deep inside him as he erupted, warm wetness shooting between them.

 

He was helpless to do anything, unable to open his eyes, stars exploding behind his eyelids, his hands convulsing, clenching tighter, bruising he was sure, but he _couldn’t_ let go as he rode it out, moaning, thrusting forward once more, panting…. Finally his knees seemed to melt, he could feel it, he was going to fall, but Yohji was there, holding him, catching him.

 

“Ran……Ran” Yohji moaned into his mouth, wanting to drink in every whimper, every little sound. He held Ran closer, walking them backward toward the bed. As he felt the edge against the back of his legs he let himself fall slightly, bringing Ran down on top of him.

 

He brought his hands up to frame Ran’s face. “well, that went rather well,” he almost smirked as he looked up into Ran’s glazed eyes. “I guess you did miss me, huh?” his eyes warmed, softened, “all this time Ran.....” he whispered, “really?”

 

Ran’s panting had slowed, he was in some semblance of control of himself now. “yes, I did miss you Yohji. And yes, all this time, really.” He looked solemnly at Yohji. “there has never been anyone else Yohji, never will be.... I missed you Yohji. Desperately. So much……I’ve missed _your_ smell,” he leaned down, breathing deeply of Yohji’s hair, relishing the feel of it trailing through his fingers, “the feel of _you_ , as you obviously noticed,” he tilted his head with a self-depreciating grin as he raised himself up slightly and ran his hands across the planes of Yohji’s chest, fingers teasing dark nubs, open palms caressing lower, lower, “ _your_ taste.”

 

And Ran dropped to his knees at the edge of the bed, hooded eyes gazing up at Yohji as he reached to unbuckle Yohji’s belt. “I want to taste you _now_ Yohji.” He slid the zipper down, allowing Yohji to spring free. He stopped for a moment, admiring, reaching out softly to trail his fingers up and down Yohji’s hot, hard cock. He looked up.

 

Yohji was holding himself up slightly on his elbows, watching, eyes almost closing against his will. As he watched Ran lean forward, sliding his tongue from base to tip, he threw his head back with a cry, “Ah!......Ran….so good Baby.” Then, the wet _heat_ as Ran swallowed him, suckling, lavishing his tongue along the underside.

 

“Ran!” Yohji cried, his hands grasping Ran’s hair, not _quite_ pulling his head forward, but clenching with need. His hips thrust slightly up, “yes, Ran, oh _gods!_ ” Ran trailed one hand up and down the shaft, then dipped his tongue into the slit, humming in the back of his throat. “Ran!, I….. stop!....I’m gonna …..ah!”

 

Ran sucked harder, moaning, his other hand roaming up over Yohji’s body. Yohji grabbed his hand, twining their fingers together, squeezing as he fell back on the bed, his back arching upward. He went rigid except for the sharp quick stutters of his hips as he came, his balls squeezing so tight, his cock _throbbing_ with each pulse of hot juices. “R- Ra-Ran,” he panted, “Baby, I love you, I love you,” his hands blindly reaching, finding Ran’s shoulders, dragging him up onto Yohji’s body, “come here,” he panted, “I _need_ to hold you,” he was shaking now, tears he hadn’t known were there started to leak from the corners of his eyes, “Ran”

 

Ran let Yohji hold him close as he rode out the effects, squeezing back as tightly as he could. He kept his eyes on Yohji’s face, watching everything play across his features. He saw the tear trail down the side of Yohji’s face and leaned in to kiss it away. “Yohji,” he breathed, “I love you _so_ much.”

 

He slipped over to the side, trailing his hands all over Yohji, he just couldn’t get enough of touching him. He caressed his face, traced his hands over his chest, tweaking one nipple, then the other, leaning in to take them into his mouth, nibbling softly.

 

He felt Yohji’s breath catch. “hmmm,” he moaned, crawling back up, planting open mouth kisses along Yohji’s shoulder, neck, up to his ear. He slid his tongue into Yohji’s ear, blowing hotly, moaning. He felt Yohji’s grip on his biceps tighten. His other hand reached down and found Yohji’s reviving arousal. He gripped him tightly, slightly pulling, slowly…….all the way up, swirling Yohji’s seed around, using the wetness to glide as he _slowly_ slid back down……..up………down. Suddenly, he felt himself flipped onto his back. Yohji’s hot mouth trailing down _his_ neck.

 

“Ran!” Yohji growled. He bit the juncture between Ran’s neck and shoulder lightly, “too. Many. Damn. Clothes.” He breathed, “Off. _Now.”_ He kicked his shoes off, and pushed himself up, raking his shirt off over his head, his long beautiful hair clouding around his face. He started to take his pants off, but Ran’s hands beat him there.

 

“let me.” Ran said, pulling them down, rolling Yohji onto his back and sliding his pants down off his calves, kicking his own shoes off while he was at it. Yohji reached over and pulled Ran’s shirt off, popping a few buttons as he went, not caring, tossing the thing aside as it _finally_ pulled loose from his wrist.

 

He pushed Ran down onto his back, reaching down to ease his pants off. He slowed as he pulled, watching the play of muscle across Ran’s abs and thighs as he raised himself up to allow the pants to slide out.

 

He paused at Ran’s feet as the pants fell down at the side of the bed. He let his gaze travel up Ran’s body, drinking in the sight of him. “You’re so beautiful Ran,” he breathed, “so beautiful. I’ve missed _looking_ at you too.”

 

He ran his hands up Ran’s legs, caressing, _feeling_. He traced small circles on the inside of Ran’s thighs with his thumbs. One hand reached up, taking Ran’s reawakened hardness in his hand, the other teasing his legs apart.

 

“Ran….beautiful…..” he breathed against Ran’s stomach, kissing, nipping here and there, tasting, sucking, he worked his way back down. He ran the tip of his tongue down Ran’s shaft, down sucking one side of his sack into his mouth, feeling it, running it over his tongue, then the other side as Ran bucked up against him, his hands tangling in his hair.

 

“Yohji.…yo….unh, _yes, there_ ……ah” Ran was panting now, hips thrusting lightly, “come here, come up here, I need to feel you _inside me_ , Yohji, please, at least…….at least let me touch _you”_ Yohji shook his head, taking a last firm pull, easing Ran out of his mouth. “It’s been so long. I _want_ to be inside you, but….I want this to be perfect, I don’t want to hurt you, do you have any……” he looked around, at a loss, not wanting to leave the bed. Damn, he should have thought of bringing some.

 

“In the drawer….” Ran panted, “that last tube I bought before you-” he cut off, bit his lip, “it’s still there – I never opened it.”

 

Yohji looked at him, kissed his cheek, and reached over Ran to the table. He grabbed the tube out of the drawer, shivering as Ran ran his teeth across his chest as he pulled back across him. “hurry, Yohji…… please” Ran whispered

 

Yohji leaned down and kissed him hungrily, one hand coated now reaching down to slick Ran. He pressed one finger in, twirling, slowly in and out, watching Ran’s face for any hint of pain, “It’s been a long time Ran. I am going to take my time, make sure you’re ready. We have all night, no rushing. I _won’t_ hurt you any more than I can help.” His hands continued to work, two fingers now scissoring, softly thrusting, the other hand slowly, so slowly working Ran’s cock, with sure, firm strokes.

 

“Gah- Yohji ………ahh, gods, you’re real, I’ve dreamed so many nights of this,” he gasped as a third finger entered him, “I –I don’t know if……..ngh…uh…if I will _last_ Yohji,” he panted, “I – I’m gon…..ah….gonna cum _again_ if you _don’t……YOHJI!”_ he cried out, arching up suddenly as Yohji swept across _that_ spot. “Yohji, oh my-”

 

“Good, Baby, cum for me, cum hard for me again” Yohji breathed into his ear, pumping faster, “cum for me now, and then again when I’m inside you” he angled his hand timing the thrust of his fingers with the pumping of his hand. “ _cum for me… from my fingers, my touch.... **now Ran.”**_

****

**_“YES Yohji!”_** Ran’s eyes shot wide open, his body came up off the mattress as he thrust upward, back down, and up again in a bowed arc, and he went completely still, eyes squeezed shut, throat closing, his hands clamping down on Yohji’s shoulders, blunt nails digging in, he felt it shooting from deep inside him, powerless to do anything. His hips started to stutter, he felt Yohji’s fingers slowly start to slide in and out again, softly…

 

“holy hell Ran, oh baby,” Yohji’s stroking of his cock eased off, “I’m so hard right now Ran, you’re so _tight_ , you almost broke my fingers, I have to be inside you _now._ ” He positioned himself on top of Ran, his own panting increasing, “Baby…. Baby, let me in, love me…… please”

 

Ran reached his arms up around Yohji’s neck, kissing him with all the love, all the longing he’d pent up for these long, long months, “Yohji……I _do_ love you….I’ve always loved you……..only you.” He pushed his hips up in invitation. He felt Yohji penetrate him, and there was a slight burn, it _was_ a long time, but it was so _good,_ so _right._ He raised himself up toward Yohji, holding tight “I love you Yohji, I need you, take me…….hold me.”

 

Yohji held himself still for a moment once he was seated. Holding Ran tightly against himself. Afraid to move yet and lose himself completely. He slowly started to slide, back and forth, two three thrusts at this slow, deep pace and he did start to lose himself. He pushed Ran back down on the mattress, raining kisses down on him, “I _will ……._ take you, and…. I will……. _keep_ you.” He ground out, thrusting as he vowed. “you are _mine, only mine,_ always.” His pace quickened, he angled himself, finding Ran’s spot, causing Ran to begin to thrust back, bringing Ran’s cock slowly back to life.

 

“Yes Yohji,” Ran gasped, “yes…… I am yours…. only yours…… ever…. I ,,,I sw-swear…… love you.”

 

After forever, Yohji reached down to pump Ran, “one more time, baby” he breathed, “cum …….for me again……let me …hear you …….let me…..feel you” his hips canting, deeper, harder, “Ra-Ran …… It’s coming Ran………. oh _god_ …….I … I… _cum for me…_ Ran” breathless now “I _can’t… I **must** …. ahh…. **Ran!** ” _suddenly Yohji’s rhythm wasn’t smooth anymore, quick staccato thrusts giving evidence to his release, he growled into Ran’s neck, sucking, kissing, squeezing Ran to him.

 

“Yohji……ngh,……..ahh!” Ran arched into him as his control burst between them, showering them both in hot moist heat. “Yohji, don’t let go,” he cried, “Yohji, I love you!” he rode out the orgasm, repeating it over again, unable to think anything else “I love you, Yohji, ……. Don’t let me go.... I love you……”

 

Yohji’s arms were trembling as he held himself above Ran, he leaned down, a soft, tender kiss on his closed eyes, then at his slightly open mouth. “I love you too, Ran. Only you” he rolled over to lay beside Ran, languid, boneless.

 

After a moment Ran lifted up a little, laying on his side, looking down on a sated Yohji. “I…in the car, what you said about _touring_ ….. you want me to come with you?”

 

Yohji turned, cupping Ran’s face. “Yes. Yes I do. I meant that. You said Aya’s in school? And you can paint anywhere, right? Or just take some time off since you did so well selling your work. Come with me. Be _mine_ again, let me be, let me be _yours…..”_

He sighed, “Ran, what happened, the time apart…..” he rubbed his thumb across Ran’s face, wiping away the wince that those words brought, lightly tracing Ran’s bottom lip before claiming a quick kiss and drawing back, “that needed to happen. We needed it, like…..like lancing a snake bite… we had to get the poison out.”

 

He looked intently at Ran, “but now, we’re healed, _us,_ we arewhole. It’s like we’re waking up, taking the cast off, or the stitches out or something. From here, we start fresh, with healed hearts. He closed his eyes, “tell me you want _us_ back as much as I do.” He felt Ran’s hand on his face and opened his eyes.

 

Ran leaned in, kissing him tenderly, thoroughly. “Yes Yohji, I do want _us_ back. You are all I have ever wanted. I meant it that day I gave you my ring. I want us always, in all ways, _forever._ I- I never should have let anything interfere with that. We’ve lost so much time. But now, like you said, we can start over.” He looked down, lifting the ring, “wear it again?” he asked.

 

“Yes,” Yohji’s eyes lit up, “yes…..forever.” He slipped the cord over Ran’s neck, removed the ring and put it on. “Forever. ” he looked into Ran’s eyes, kissed him, caressed his face. He smiled and slid down, holding Ran close against his side, tucking his head against his shoulder, drifting off to sleep, “From here, we go forward, together, forever…….”

 


	15. Chapter 15

** CHAPTER 15 **

****

** A date to remember **

****

Yohji drove to the studio that morning a little excited. The band’s concert tour had wrapped up two weeks ago. The reunion album had been a true success, heavily promoted and well received. So well received that they’d started the tour mid February instead of early April, and had been on tour for eight months nonstop, rather than the six they’d initially planned. They’d wrapped on Halloween and It’d been good to get home.

 

Good to relax, to stay in one place for more than a few days, to sleep in his own bed. But mostly, good to be with Ran again. This past year their time together had been something of a whirlwind. First, their reconciliation just weeks before hitting the recording studio to get their album finalized. Sure they’d already had some songs for the reunion album ready, the band _had_ been back together for a while before finally getting the contract, but still, putting it all together had been like, a frenzy. Plus the stress of Ran commuting to and from LA trying to get everything relocated....

 

Then all the promotions, the radio shows, the press after the first few radio tracks did so well. And finally, the tour. Not a few weeks here or there like they’d done before, but a full fledged nationwide tour, bus and everything. All that time, driving, hotels, eating whatever, whenever. A day, maybe two in a city, then gone again…..

 

Ran’d been along for almost the whole ride, but it had been really, _really_ , nice to be _at home_ with Ran. With no looming appearances, or need to be anywhere else, just _home._

 

Ran’d left the tour ahead of Yohji, coming back two months earlier, taking care of _finally_ moving their things from the temporary, small apartment they’d set up in when they got to LA. Setting everything up in a nice big loft unit closer to the small studio in L.A. the band had set up as a permanent location. The loft was a place where Ran could spread out to paint again. A nice, big airy place with enough room for a small sound studio area too where the band could get together for informal sessions, or just hang out. Large enough to entertain, but still intimate enough to be “home.”

 

Those two months after Ran’d left the tour had been a kind of hell. It was the first time they’d spent any real time apart since their reunion and it’d been hard. Yohji’d missed Ran, but they were secure in each other now in a way they hadn’t had before, and he knew Ran needed more stability to actively work.

 

Not to mention the fact that the man was starting to fray at the edges. Living in each others’ pockets..... stuck on the tour bus for extended periods. Ran was still a very private man, and while he’d come to care for the guys, and was happy to finally be with Yohji anywhere in any situation, Yohji knew it was getting to him. He never said any word of complaint, and wasn’t exactly eager to head back home without Yohji, but Yohji could tell he was excited about closing on the loft and moving everything in, and having some private time again.

 

Finding time to be together was scarce, often reduced to a quick fuck to keep each other sane, or hand jobs and blow jobs with each of them doing all they to be silent. Those two days here and there in the hotels had quickly become something that were much looked forward to. Being home would give them that private time, where they could indulge in each other without holding back....

 

And, Ran was eager to paint again. Ran’s work had been well received after his debut, and his work was much talked about and in demand. He’d even sold a few paintings left from the gallery debut while on the road with Yohji, with Tina acting as liaison. But now, he was arranging another gallery showing in about six months and wanted to finish some new pieces.

 

The time apart had actually rekindled an element of spice in their relationship from their dating days. Yohji’d been kept busy enough, wrapping up the last few concerts of the tour, attending autograph sessions, and such. But still, he missed Ran _a lot_ , and those times few they’d managed to spend some time together on the phone had been sweet torture. They hadn’t engaged in phone sex since their first months together..... and Ran wasn’t a blushing uncertain virgin anymore....

 

It’d be good to have a ‘normal’ life now, (for a year or so anyway, at least as normal as life could be for a musician and an artist – at least there’d be no touring for a while…) Yohji smiled, thinking of Ran painting. This renewal of Ran’s painting was something Yohji’d missed during their time apart. He’d never actually got to see Ran paint until now and he’d enjoyed watching him during this short time together, the way he became so absorbed, almost like he was somewhere else.

 

Yohji’d been mesmerized watching those talented fingers trace over the canvas He dwelled a moment on the memory of those days over these past two weeks that Ran had convinced him to model for a portrait. A “special project” he’d been really excited about. Watching Ran watch him, those beautiful amethyst eyes intent as he traced over the contours of Yohji draped over the sofa, lounging ‘just so,’ his hair fanned out behind him. It’d been quite an experience. He wished Ran’d let him see the piece, but this one he was being adamant about, ‘unfinished work’ he said.

 

Yohji smiled; there was unfinished work all over the loft area set aside for Ran. He worked on several pieces simultaneously. A little here, a little there, as his ‘muse’ would inspire. But this one, this one he kept covered, something special, he said, just wait, he’d caution. It’s been covered in the corner of Ran’s studio when Yohji came home and he’d worked on it almost obsessively these two weeks. Yohji’s smile grew; obviously it was some surprise for him. He’d wait. He was just curious. Ah, well….

 

Yohji let his mind wander from the memory of Ran painting him to linger on the idea of ‘home’ with Ran. Finally, coming ‘home,’ having that time together, two whole weeks alone, without the whirlwind of getting settled in LA since Ran had already taken care of all that. Without the pressure of recording, the marketing, and promotions; finally being home from touring. Two whole weeks at **_home_** – restful and yet at the same time, wonderfully exhausting…..that first night especially had been perfect…………

 

_Yohji exited the cab, grabbed his bags, and finally - finally found himself outside the door of their new home. It was late morning. He hoped Ran was here, not out or anything. He’d wanted to surprise him and hadn’t let on he was coming home just yet. Ran didn’t expect him for two more days, but he’d been too long without feeling Ran in his arms. He’d helped load up and left the band driving home on the bus early that morning, and caught a last minute flight._

_He didn’t have a key yet, so the surprise would be incomplete, but this would do for now…. He knocked at the door and waited. ‘yeah….coming’ he heard from inside. He tried to picture where in the loft Ran’s voice came from. Ran’d emailed him some pictures, but Yohji hadn’t seen the place ‘live and in person’ yet. He’d trusted Ran to take care of it all. He didn’t care where they stayed as long as Ran was there. He grinned as he heard Ran approaching, stepping just out of the view of the peephole leaving only his bags visible in case Ran bothered to check. He didn’t._

_The door opened and he stepped forward. Ran’s face was priceless. Violet eyes shot open wide, he jaw dropped slightly, and his hands seeming of their own accord reached for Yohji. ‘Yohji?’ he voiced, shocked and breathless. ‘you’re here? How?’_

 

_Yohji stepped into the room, dropping his bags and taking Ran into his arms in one swift motion. He felt Ran’s arms wrap around him tightly. He took a deep breath, his face buried in Ran’s hair, his arms slightly trembling. ‘I’m home Babe,’ he whispered, his voice almost too hoarse to talk._

_He cleared his throat and stepped back, grinning, holding Ran at arm’s length. ‘Miss me?’ he smirked. God, Ran looked good, in an old t-shirt, covered in paint spatter, those low black sweats he wore when painting. He smelled of paint, thinner, that ‘new canvas’ smell, and a hint of vanilla._

_Ran blinked, ‘You cannot imagine how much I missed you. What are you **doing** here? I thought you guys wouldn’t be back until Friday.’ He stepped closer, back into Yohji’s arms then jumped back. “oh!, Yohji!’ he gasped, ‘your clothes!’ _

_Yohji pulled him back in, ‘couldn’t care less Baby, stay right here.’ He squeezed Ran harder, ‘mmm, you feel good.’ He sighed and let go a little, pulling Ran’s face up to take his mouth in a lingering kiss. ‘Mmm, I really missed that, you have no idea.’ He stood up, ‘so, wanna give me the tour? Place looks great from the doorway.’ He smiled._

_Ran laughed, ‘idiot,’ he said, taking Yohji’s hand and leading him into the loft. ‘yes, let me show you our home.’ He smiled over his shoulder, ‘I kinda like that, I’ll say it again, **our home**.’ _

_‘yeah Babe. That **does** sound nice, has a real nice ring to it. Are you happy? Is it all you’d hoped for?’_

_‘It is Yohji. I think you’ll be pleased.’ Ran smiled back to Yohji, ‘really.’_

_”Angel”, you know full well if you’re happy that’s all I care about. – well….. that, electricity, running water and A/C. But, other than that, we could live on the bus for all I care. As long as you’re there, it’s home.’ He squeezed Ran’s hand. ‘still, I can see you’re excited, so,’ he waved a hand, ‘show me everything.’_

_‘well, there is one thing I’ve been especially eager to show you, to get your opinion. This way.’ Ran led Yohji around a corner, pulling aside a paper sliding door, and led Yohji into the bedroom. ‘it seemed….. a little empty to me. I wondered what you would think of it.’ Ran turned smoldering dark violet eyes on Yohji. He stepped into Yohji’s embrace, bringing their lips together. ‘Yohji,’ he breathed, ‘gods I have missed you.’_

_Yohji clutched Ran to him, ‘Angel,’ he moaned, ‘I missed you too, so much.’ He kissed Ran thoroughly, tasting him, lavishing his tongue across the roof of Ran’s mouth, over his tongue, and out, across his lips.’_

_He stepped back. ‘hmm,’ he said looking around the room, holding Ran back, hands on his biceps. He looked down into Ran’s eyes, ‘it does seem to be missing something….. I know what’s missing,’ he pulled Ran closer, licking the edge of Ran’s ear, then another light kiss, ‘you,’ he growled, ‘that bed is much too empty’ he released Ran’s arms, ‘you go lie down – let me see if it looks better with you planted there.’ He pushed Ran back a bit, and lifted his own shirt over his head._

 

_Ran took the hint, grinning as he walked toward the bed. His eyes never left Yohji as he slowly lifted his t-shirt, letting his hands trail across his abs, over his chest, as he lifted it higher. During the brief moment his face was hidden, Yohji lunged forward, tackling Ran onto the mattress._

_He took Ran’s face between his hands, ‘Baby,’ he whispered, leaning in for a tender kiss which quickly intensified, as he ran his hands down the side of Ran’s neck, across his pecs, down over his abs, stopping just at the waist of Ran’s pants. He broke the kiss to raise up over Ran, looking into his eyes as his hand deftly slipped under the waist of Ran’s sweats. He reached in grasping Ran’s hot heat in his hand. He squeezed briefly, ‘I have missed you so much,’_

_Yohji’s hand grasped him tightly. Ran’s eyes widened, then fluttered closed, ‘ **yes Yohji** ,’ he moaned, ‘Yohji, I’m so glad you’re home.’ His own hands had not been idle, trailing over Yohji’s shoulders, through his silky hair, and down his back, now one hand trailed down Yohji’s right arm, placing his hand over Yohji’s own over himself. ‘I need you Yohji,’ he moaned, his head tilting back, ‘I love you,’ his eyes closed as a deep moan floated up from within._

_Yohji squeezed again, pulling slowly up, then tightening as he pushed downward. Yohji leaned in, taking that slightly opened mouth with his own. Another deep stroke, then he stopped, turning his hand to grasp Ran’s fingers tight. ‘let’s get out of these,’ he took a quick kiss. ‘I wanna see you, feel you. All of you, Angel.’_

 

_Ran’s eyes were cloudy with passion, but slowly came back into focus, he licked his lips, ‘yes,’ he whispered, ‘yes, Yohji let me….’his voice trailed off as he rolled them over. He lifted himself up then reached down, removing Yohji’s boots, then his own pants._

_Yohji removed his jeans, pushing himself up onto the bed against the headboard. He took another look around the room. It was light and airy, with a large sunlight above them, giving a clear view of the stars overhead._

_Suddenly, his view was cut off as Ran’s face came into view. He smiled, much better than mere stars. ‘doesn’t seem so empty anymore.’ He brought his arms up around Ran, ‘hey beautiful.’ He leaned up for another kiss, then pulled back slightly, ‘let me look at you. I’ve missed this.’_

_He flipped them over, and raised himself up on one arm. He let his eyes trace over Ran’s body, drinking in every muscle, everything. Starting with that beautiful crimson, spun silk hair, grown long just for him, so soft….., he had to run his fingers through it, wrestling a purr from Ran._

_He chuckled, running his eyes over Ran’s face, ‘so beautiful,’ he murmured, tracing those finely cut cheekbones, running his thumb across Ran’s lips, which opened slightly to allow his hot, wet tongue to taste Yohji’s thumb as Ran leaned up, sucking that thumb into his mouth, a moan humming in his throat._

_Yohji gasped, closing his eyes for a second, then pulling his thumb back. ‘ah-ah-ah’ he chided, ‘not yet. I’m gonna enjoy this fully, take all the time I want, after all, I’m not even supposed to be home for two more days, - these two days don’t exist. Outside of us, only us, there is no time, no rush, nothing else. Let me get my fill of you, I’ve been on empty for too long. All my senses deprived.’ He leaned down to lightly lick at Ran’s neck. ‘Let me fill up slowly, so I don’t overflow too fast.,’ he smiled._

_He moved his hand from Ran’s mouth, tracing lightly down his jaw, cupping the back of his neck. He leaned down again, feathering kisses across Ran’s lips, down his jaw, over to his ear. He pulled on an eartail, those Ran had kept cut for him, just for this purpose. He leaned in closer and whispered into Ran’s ear as Ran trembled, ‘ **all** my senses Babe, let me hear every sound you’re holding back. I **need** to hear you, feel you, let go for me Baby, welcome me home.’ _

_‘Yohji’ Ran breathed, his voice shaky, ‘I love you – unh’ his voice caught as Yohji sucked on his earlobe, ‘yes Yohji,’ Ran panted, ‘yes, I’ve……missed you…… s-so much.’ His voice lowered from gasps to a growl._

_He had reached forward with the hand not clasped in Yohji’s hair, sliding down Yohji’s side toward the heat between them, and Yohji grabbed his hand, stopping him short. He quickly brought that hand back up over Ran’s head, holding it on the pillow. ‘Kudoh,’ Ran growled, smiling.... panting._

_‘my turn first,’ Yohji panted, ‘first time’s mine, then I’m all yours. For now,’ he reached behind his head, bringing Ran’s other arm down then up to join the first, holding both above Ran’s head with one hand as the other returned to its mission to touch every inch. ‘let me get my fill Ran, of all of you…. ‘ he licked Ran’s neck, ‘talk to me.’ He leaned down, trailing his tongue the side of Ran’s neck to his collar bone, then back up._

_‘Gah-Yohji’ Ran could hardly talk, his breath coming way too fast. Yohji’s free hand caressed from the side of Ran’s neck, down over his shoulder, back to his side, then down over Ran’s hip. He lifted Ran’s leg up, over his own hip, and ran his hand down Ran’s thigh and back up, coming to rest on Ran’s hip as he sucked and nipped at that spot on Ran’s neck that he knew drove him insane._

_Ran was panting now, whimpers and moans interspersed with gasps of Yohji’s name, ‘Yohji …. Uh …ah ……..nhn…yes, yes Yohji …oh!..... **Nissho** , there, **oh damn…… please’** this last breathless. He cleared his throat, twice, ‘please Yohji,’_

 

_Yohji’s hand began moving again, caressing between them, he held his hand just above Ran, not **quite** touching, letting the heat of his hand build the anticipation, Ran twitched, almost bucking upward, but Yohji’s body held him down. ‘Ran’ he breathed against Ran’s neck, ‘Ran…..tell me.’_

_‘Yohji,’ this time Ran **did** raise up. Searching for that hand, that touch, ‘Yohji! Please, touch me…… touch me Nissho, please,’ he was pulling harder against Yohji’s hand, at the same time, starting to pull Yohji toward himself with his leg up over Yohji’s hip. _

_Yohji finally took Ran in his hand along with his own hard member, entwining the fingers of his other hand into Ran’s hair spread out up over the pillow beneath Ran’s arms, his breath hot against Ran’s neck, ‘ **Yohji!** , my hands, let me.....’ _

_Yohji released Ran’s hands, one shooting to pull Yohji down for a fierce kiss, the other fisting into the sheet as Ran bucked up, almost off the mattress. ‘ngh,’ a deep wordless moan tore from Ran’s throat as he broke the kiss, throwing his head back, unable to focus any more._

 

_Yohji lifted his head, taking in Ran’s face, head thrown back, neck taut, tongue flashing in and out to lick his lips as his hips thrust up, pushing himself into Yohji’s hand, against his hardness. ‘Ran’ Yohji growled, ‘look at me, open your eyes,’_

_Ran struggled to bring his eyes open, to focus on Yohji’s face. His fingers tangled in Yohji’s hair. He brought the other up to entwine with Yohji’s around the both of them. ‘Yohji’, he panted, ‘I’m… not g-gonna…last long..I-I’ve … ngh... dreamed of this… too often….’he panted his head falling back again, ‘to feel you, ah!, now…. ..it.. it won’t…take… much!’ he thrust up again. ‘ **Yohji**!’_

_‘it’s ok ….Babe,’ Yohji murmured against Ran’s throat, ‘this’ll …take ….the edge ….off,’ …ngh…. I’ve got …all night …to drain you,’ he lunged forward, his mouth latching onto Ran’s neck, biting and sucking. He pulled back as his own breath increased, ‘Ran….ah…. Babe,’_

_Yohji’s hips began to move with the rhythm, his hand spasming, ‘Angel… An-gel,’ he wrapped his free arm around Ran tightly, crushing them together. Ran dropped his own hand from Yohji’s hair to his waist, holding him tight. ‘Ran!’ Yohji cried, ‘I-I lo..love you,’ Yohji went rigid, frozen, burying his face in Ran’s hair._

 

_‘ **Yes!**....Yohji!’ Ran’s hand took over the rhythm, holding Yohji tightly, he felt Yohji’s sigh of release against his neck as he rushed toward his own, his voice hoarse, ‘yes! .... Yohji … **gods** ….I’ve…I’ve dreamed of you….like this, un..undone in my arms, feeling you lose yourself for me…I – I’m – Yohji…..I’m –oh!’ suddenly Ran froze as well, unable to hold back, not wanting to._

_As he erupted he let go, bringing his hand up from between them, grabbing Yohji’s hip and pulling him tight, molding their bodies together, feeling Yohji’s cock throb against his own, the **heat** … ‘ **Yohji!** Kiss me, Yohji …kiss…’ his plea was cut off as Yohji complied, a deep, slow, intense kiss, taking in Ran’s whimper, his gasps. _

 

_Yohji brought Ran slowly down, back to earth. Running his hand up and down Ran’s arm, over his hip, and back, the other still behind Ran’s neck. ‘Beautiful,’ he whispered, ‘that….Ran, that was all I dreamed of, especially on the plane today,’ he smirked. ‘it is **so** good to be home.’ _

_He rolled onto his back, pulling Ran into the crook of his arm, twining their legs together, ‘mmm, just a short nap Babe, then we’ll get the rest of the tour.’ Ran curled into Yohji’s side, content, ‘yes,’ he sighed, ‘a nap…’ his voice trailed off as his eyes fell closed, his breath evening out._

 

_They’d loved each other in every room at least once over the next two weeks, a honeymoon of sorts. Christening their new home, making it uniquely theirs. Each room now could evoke a memory of touches, kisses. The kitchen, the art studio (that had been fun),…even the balcony._

 

Yohji shook his head, breaking out of his reverie. He started humming, excited again about getting back to work. It’d be good to see the guys again. They’d kicked around a few new tunes while on the road, and it’d be good to get those songs out of his head and onto a disc. He entered the studio with a grin.

 

‘Hey Yohji,’ a deep voice called out, obviously recognizing his whistling. ‘how’s it going?’

 

Yohji turned to the white haired bassist, ‘hey Jei. It’s all good. You have a nice break? Been here long?’

 

‘yeah, nice vacay man. It was nice to sleep in an actual bed for more than two days straight. I think my back has finally remembered how it’s supposed to feel, thanks to Ken’s massage talents. I think I slept the first two days through.’

 

He flashed a grin. ‘bet _you didn’t_ though, huh?’ he leered at Yohji, ‘did you get _any_ sleep?...hey man!’ he laughed, ‘are you blushing?!’ he shook his head.

 

‘shut up, you jerk,’ Yohji smiled, ‘I _did_ sleep, thank you. See? No bags under these eyes, I am _quite_ well rested.’ ‘he flashed his own grin and wagged his eyebrows, ‘but not the first few days, alright? I admit it, I was a _little_ busy.’

 

‘yeah, I bet you were.’ Jei laughed, then it trailed off. Jei gave Yohji a serious look, then a warm smile. ‘Seriously, man.’ He shook his head, ‘I am really glad everything worked out so good with Ran. He fit well on the tour, I was a little surprised. He always seemed….he comes off a bit….prissy? snooty? I dunno, rich kid like, to me, even seeing how he needed you, loved you even before the split up. But now, well he’s obviously completely hammered for you and he had no problem lowering himself right down to normal hanging with us. Opened up more now than I think I really ever saw from before. Congrats I’m glad it all worked out’

 

‘thanks man,’ Yohji punched his shoulder, ‘he _was_ the rich kid, arrogant, aloof, apart and all that, before.’ He left unsaid that now free of Persia Ran could open in ways he was not able to previously. Jei knew all that, so Yohji just ran with the other reason Ran had progressed so much, ‘ well, _before me_ – I just bring out the best in everyone.’ He laughed, ‘so, where’s Ken? And Yuushi and Omi? And the kid? Am I that early or what?’

 

‘nah, Yuushi called, there is some new snarl on the freeway that is LA traffic. I’m guessing they’re all caught up in it. Ken went to grab something for second breakfast real quick’

 

Yohji laughed, “second breakfast?”

 

“yeah, you know Ken. My omelet fueled him up, but he’ll need something else before we break for lunch, and we were out of Gatorade too... gotta have the Gatorade. Bet he comes back with two cases of the shit.”

 

Jei leaned over grabbing Ken’s lead guitar, ‘ I know you wanted to work on that lead in for ‘journey’ you wanna give it a shot while we wait?......’

 

xxxxxxxxx

 

Practice went great. They’d managed to get two songs just right, and were discussing getting them on disc after one more run through, and considering breaking for some lunch, it was almost two now, when the intercom buzzed. ‘hey, guys?’ a young voice called out, ‘there’s a delivery guy up here asking for Yohji. You gotta sign something.’

 

‘ok Nagi I’m coming.’ The kid’d sounded nervous for interrupting. He was still unsure of himself it seemed. He’d only been a permanent fixture with the band for the last three months of the tour. Signing on from temp roadie to full time assistant.

 

They hadn’t really had time to get to know the kid, just his work self, his abilities. They’d seen enough to be impressed enough to sign him on, their first addition to their group. He was inexhaustible, with his energy and eagerness to do anything asked from hanging lights or sound equipment, to being shield at hotels, or dealing with arrangements on the phone, stuff for the bus, getting food, running interference at the stadiums, whatever.

 

Really, he took a lot of pressure off the guys, and without complaints or whining. It was what had prompted them to sign him on permanently. But, he was still in a slight state of ‘awe.’ And now they weren’t touring anymore, they’d be interacting in a more normal setting, not surrounded by the crowds.

 

Beginning right after the last show, on the bus ride home, he’d started to seem unsure maybe, now that his abilities were not pushed so much to the fore handling the tour duties, dealing with the pressing bodies. He seemed unsure of _himself_ if not his abilities. Especially now that he had to deal with them on one on one levels.

 

 _Got to try to break the kid of the hero thing, bring him out more. Show him we’re just people_ Yohji thought to himself as he turned to the band, ‘right back guys, guess we’ll go on and break for grub, then get these two on disc. Figure out what we want, I’ll have the kid run out right after I see what this is.’

 

Yohji walked up the hallway toward the lobby. As he drew closer a wonderful aroma began to assert itself. Man! Something smelled good! ‘hey Nagi, what’s up man?’ he entered the lobby and saw three large white boxes perched on the counter, steaming, _smelling good._ ‘what’s this?’ he asked.

 

‘no idea,’ Nagi laughed, he was almost drooling. ‘the guy says you gotta sign for it.’

 

Yohji turned to the unformed delivery guy with the name of his favorite Mexican joint emblazoned on his shirt, hovering off to his left. ‘sure man,’ he reached for the clipboard and signed off. The guy handed him and envelope with his name printed on the front and said, as Yohji reached for his wallet, ‘the tip’s covered man, have a good afternoon,’ and he left.

 

Yohji blinked and looked at the card. That handwriting looked suspiciously familiar….

 

He opened the card:

 

_Yohji_

_If I remember right, the guys all like Mexican. And, if I know you, despite my scheduling this delivery not to arrive until rather late, 145 or so I told them, you will not have stopped to eat yet. Really Yohji. Anyway, I hope all goes well today, I know you were eager to work on those songs you and Jei were kicking around. Stop and eat something, and schedule Nagi to interrupt you at future sessions or something. I love you. See you tonight. Ran._

‘well, I’ll be.’ Yohji grinned, ‘hey Nagi, lock the door and put the phone on forward or something. Come have lunch with us before this gets cold. Help me carry this.’

 

Nagi grinned, alright!’ he jumped up and locked the front door, pushed _some_ button on the phone and grabbed the two biggest boxes.

 

Yohji chuckled and followed down the hall. ‘hey guys!’ he called out, ‘come in here’ He sat the food out in the conference room, grinning.

 

xxxxxxxxx

 

 

The two new songs had come together great. They’d got both of them on disc and had spent the afternoon working on a few more, finally settling on what they hoped would be a single from the next album. They just wrapped up the second run through, trying out some different chords on the ending, giving it a wistful feel, when Nagi was seen at the hall window waving and grinning. They wrapped up the song and waved him in. ‘Yohji’ he chuckled, ‘there’s another delivery up front for you.’

 

‘what the hell man?!’ Omi piped up, tapping out a sequence, rolling his eyes. ‘another delivery huh?. ‘he let loose an evil little laugh, ‘what? Ran can’t let you out for one whole day without reminding you he’s there? Geez.’

 

‘yeah,’ Yuushi leered at Yohji, ‘he doesn’t _seem_ that forgettable, you been paying him enough attention this last few days or what?’

 

‘fuck you Yuushi,’ Yohji growled grinning, ‘maybe it’s because I paid him _so much_ attention, he can’t get enough.’ He turned to Nagi, ‘what is it Nagi? Just bring it back here.’

 

‘well Yohji,’ Nagi rubbed the back of his head, ‘it’s a few somethings, and there’s another note…..maybe you oughta come see…’

 

‘fine,’ Yohji growled, grabbing a water bottle, ‘let’s take five guys, you guys decide which riff you wanna go with, they’re both fine with me, let me get this and I’ll be right back.’

 

He followed Nagi out to the lobby and stopped in the entry, eyes widening.

 

There were several items on the counter: a bouquet of sorts, consisting of Heinekin bottles tied with ribbon, and two Pepsi’s labeled for Nagi, seated in a cooler bucket on ice, enough for two for each band member; next to that were two wrapped boxes, one small, and one considerably larger, but what drew his eyes was the large rectangle brown paper wrapped package leaning against the wall.

 

It was just the right size to be a framed painting. Yohji’s heart sped up a bit. Why would Ran send a painting here? Why send one at all? Why not just give it to him at home? What could it be? Then Yohji got an idea, what if it was _that_ painting? The one Ran wouldn’t let him see?

 

He was nervous, excited to open it, but holding back. If it _was_ the elusive painting, he kinda wanted to open it with Ran there. And if it held a _hint_ of what he remembered Ran painting with him on that sofa, maybe it _should_ be only opened at home.

 

What the – why would Ran send it here? But, maybe Ran was nervous too, maybe he worried about Yohji’s reaction or…. No. that was stupid. Ran knew Yohji loved his work…. he was drawn toward it, hand reaching when Nagi stopped him. ‘wait Yohji’ he said, ‘the guy said you have to open the card first, no matter what.’ He held a card out to Yohji, ‘here,’

 

Yohji looked at the envelope. Sure enough, Ran’s handwriting. He flipped it open:

 

_Yohji,_

_I know, you probably think I’m crazy, and I’m sure the guys are giving you a hard time, but humor me. The Mexican and the cold beer should go a long way to cutting me some slack….._

_Anyway lover, this first day back to “normal life” just happens to be an anniversary of sorts for us. I’ve never made any mention of it before, so you had no way of knowing, so don’t get upset about “forgetting” or anything – you didn’t. Today just happens to be the anniversary of the day I bought your ring, four years ago now. The day I first decided to ask you to share the rest of your life with me – to ask for forever._

_Even with the time we lost, that time in between forever, the day still stands out in my mind. I was scared that day, but excited. I wasn’t sure yet if you could really want forever, if we could make it work with all the strikes against us. I wasn’t sure of us then like I am now, you know, all the bullshit was still there in my head, insecurities, the issue with Aya and Persia, whatever…._

_When you agreed to wear it, when you said yes, we would make it happen, I thought I’d die I was so happy. I was whole, for the first time in my life. (when you said yes you would wear it again, a year ago, well, you restored me to life.) You are my heart and soul Yohji._

_Anyway it hit me when you came home and told me when your first day back was that it would be this day, and I couldn’t resist planning something. I know, this date has no bearing on **now** , I mean – we lost so much time, it almost seems wrong to celebrate a day from before, but it is a memory I want to keep, especially that first **yes,** and it gives me an excuse to shower you with just because gifts, examples of my love, and thereby to expose you to the jeers and ribbing of your band mates. _

_Just kidding, I’m sure they’ll give you a hard time, but again, Mexican food and cold beer can buy a guy some leeway. Besides, they care about you. I’m glad you have such a good group, really. So, as to the gifts: please do **not** open the large package yet. I’m coming by this evening, on my way back from the gallery, and I’d like to be there when you see it. The two small gifts can be opened anytime. I love you Yohji, see you later, around 6.   ..... Ran._

Yohji looked up at the clock, hmm 4:30. Pocketing the card, he turned to Nagi, ‘hey buddy, why don’tcha run that back to the guys for me, I’ll be along in a sec.’ he waved at the cooler. ‘sure thing Yohji,’ Nagi smiled heading down the hall.

 

Yohji picked up the smaller of the two gifts on the counter and opened it. He found two VIP tickets to an upcoming MMA event. Yohji grinned, delighted and surprised. He knew this was not Ran’s thing. Maybe he’d watch it at home or at the club with Yohji, but to attend a live event, with the sweat, bodies, the raw energy –

 

Ran had never really got over his feeling of being separate, apart. He’d always experienced dance clubs and such from a distance. To sit ringside at an event like this….to think he’d do this for Yohji brought a real smile to Yohji’s face. He’d known the fight was coming, but had honestly never even considered _attending._ This would be a blast! And a life experience for Ran too. He chuckled.

 

He eagerly reached for the larger box, trying to imagine what it could be. He lifted the lid and gasped. Nestled within the box was supple, dark brown leather. The jacket he’d admired recently while they’d been out shopping. He remembered seeing it in the display case, making a passing mention of how nice it was, maybe a wistful glance as they’d left the store, but he’d not actually suggested buying it.

 

He’d thought about it, but not said it. It was superfluous. He didn’t _need_ another jacket. It was hardly ever cold here and he had a nice denim jacket and his riding leather already. This, this was more dressy, classy even, like for a wedding or some special event. It looked sexy and so nice. He trailed his fingers over the soft supple leather. He recalled how pricey it was too. Granted, they weren’t exactly watching their pennies, but still. He lifted the jacket from the box, holding it up before him.

 

‘wow! Yohji,’ Nagi’s excited voice came to him. ‘that’s really nice man. Is it your birthday or something?’

 

‘No Nagi, not my birthday.’ Yohji laughed. He donned the jacket, shrugging his shoulders into it. It fit perfectly. ‘just my very own special day. ‘cuz I am _so_ special.’ He grinned at Nagi.

 

‘yeah man, I guess so.’ Nagi laughed, ‘anyhow, Jei told me to give you this,’ he held out a beer, ‘and to tell you,’ he cleared his throat and lowered his voice, ‘get your ass back to work, loverboy,’ Nagi smiled, holding up his hands, ‘him, _not_ me.’

 

Yohji laughed, ‘yeah, yeah, I’m coming.’ He turned to head back, but stopped when Nagi grabbed his arm. Uh, Yohji, what about?’ he waved.

 

‘oh! Yeah.’ Yohji slapped his forehead, ‘guess I shouldn’t leave it out here. Help me carry it back Nagi, just – be careful’ Yohji picked up one side, carrying it down the hall with Nagi’s help.

 

‘hey Yohji, about damn time! Hey! What’s that?’ Yuushi called out, ‘and hey, nice jacket. You didn’t have that on earlier, what gives?’ he smirked.

 

‘over here Nagi,’ Yohji directed, gingerly easing the painting against the far wall. ‘thanks.’ He turned, ‘ha ha Yuushi. You know damn well I didn’t have this earlier. It was in one of the delivered packages just now. It is pretty amazing though, huh?’

 

He lifted his arms, turning slightly, ‘Ran saw me looking at it last week I guess,’ he kinda smiled. ‘Anyway, let’s get back to work. We can definitely put the finish on at least one more befo-’

 

‘whoa whoa whoa,’ he was cut off as Yuushi interrupted. ‘hang on a sec. Two things. What is that?’ he flicked a hand at the still wrapped painting, ‘and…..does Ran have a sister, brother, cousin or something? ‘cuz I figure you’ll shoot me if I try to take him, and I gotta say, you are one lucky bastard.’

 

Yuushi grinned, eyes sparkling. Then went on, ‘oh, waaaaiiit...... he _does_ have a sister. Hmm, Aya available ya think?’ he grinned at Yohji, but Yohji caught a glimpse too of something in Yuushi’s eye.

 

Hmm, maybe this should be investigated more in depth later. Come to think of it, Yuushi _did_ tend to sit near Aya whenever the group got together. Yohji shook his head slightly, definitely something to look into there.....

 

‘damn straight I would shoot you,’ Yohji mock growled (most mock growl anyway) responding to the first part, choosing to ignore, for now, the Aya comment. ‘Ran is all mine, and you know it.’ He smiled, ‘I am lucky, and _I_ know it. Today is just icing on the cake. That, or he just likes rubbing in your faces how amazing he is.’

 

Yohji smiled, then laughed, ‘as to that,’ he pointed at the painting, ‘it is a painting. Of what? You ask. I have no idea. Ran said he’d be here around 6 and I’m not ‘sposed to open it til then so…. Let’s try to wrap up at least one more song before then, if we can, huh?’ he leaned forward, lifting the second guitar, ‘which riff did we go with for “temptation”’

 

‘the new one,’ Ken answered, settling himself, ‘Ok, Omi, open it up.’

 

xxxxxxxxx

 

They did manage to put the finishing touches on the split. Happy with the song, they were getting it on disc, just entering the last chorus as Yohji spotted Nagi enter the sound room, followed by Ran. He smiled warmly as he stepped to the mike to finish out the closing duet with Ken. Ran never took his eyes of Yohji, drinking him in as he played and sang as the chorus faded. ‘hey Babe,’ Yohji’s sultry voice came through the mike just as the last note died, ‘I’ve been waiting for you.’ He leaned over and stopped the recording.

 

‘wow Yohji!’ Jei’s awed voice echoed in the silence after the song was done. ‘that was perfect at the end like that. That really kinda makes the song man. We didn’t practice that at all today, where’d that come from? What made you think of it?

 

‘Tch. Idiot,’ Omi said, pointing with a drumstick, ‘turn around.’

 

‘Huh?’ Jei turned to find a grinning Ran waving at him. He slapped his forehead, ‘I shoulda known. Still though, it _did_ set off the song, I think we should leave it in at the end there.’

 

‘sure man, whatever you say,’ Yohji smiled, ‘you are the lyrical genius. He sat his guitar in the rack and waved at Ran and Nagi, ‘well? You coming in here or what?’

 

The others busied themselves putting away instruments and such, allowing Yohji and Ran a brief private moment of greeting. Then, ‘ok Yohji, ok, a quick smooch, that’s enough. No more until we open this mystery gift here.’ Omi’s voice raised to an almost whine, ‘you _know_ I can’t stand not knowing man, c’mon, it kills me.’

 

‘yeah,’ Ken piped up. ‘he may just implode, then who’ll drum for us?’ he glanced around at Nagi, ‘guess we could give the monkey here a shot.’

 

‘Monkey?’ Nagi growled, laughing.

 

‘hey kid, admit it’ Jei said, ‘I’ve seen you up in the rafters with sound and lighting, you are one agile kid. And bouncier than shit, I’ve _been_ locked in a bus for thousands of miles with you – definitely monkeyish. You’re never still, ya know?’

He tilted his head, giving Nagi an appraising look, then turned to the guys, rolling his eyes at Yohji and Ran still playing with each other’s hair, idiots. ‘we should let the kid sit in on a jam session some time, just for kicks, see what he’s got ya know?’ he turned twinkling eyes back on Nagi whose mouth was hanging open. ‘ser-seriously?!,’ he squeaked, ‘no way!’

 

Omi laughed. ‘yeah Nagi, we know you play. There _are_ security cameras in this joint you know. They’re not just for show. From what I’ve seen, you’re pretty good. Almost a prodigy or something’

 

Nagi paled a bit, but the guys warm grins and shaking heads soon put him at ease. ‘well,’ he rubbed the back of his neck, lowering his eyes, ‘guess I’m busted.’ He looked up, Yohji and Ran were grinning now too.

 

‘yeah kid,’ Yohji lifted his chin at Nagi, ‘we saw ya, and you’re definitely talented. So, we know you can drum, you play anything else?’

 

‘yeah, I’m ok on a keyboard too. Not like Yuushi, but okay’ Nagi said, ‘but the drums, well, it’s just so alive ya know,’ his eyes got a far away look ‘you feel it all the way through you, like….you _become_ the music…. With other instruments, you’re like _waiting_ for it, or trying to _match_ it, play _along with_ it, but the drum, you _are_ the song…..’ he stopped, suddenly remembering who he was talking to, ‘uhhh, never mind,’ he mumbled sheepishly.

 

‘no Nagi,’ Omi sounded slightly awed, ‘I know _exactly_ what you mean.’ He looked at Nagi more intently, speculatively. ‘you got a set at home?’

 

‘no,’ Nagi mumbled, ‘I pawned it when I went roadie.’ He looked up, ‘I never woulda considered playing on your set otherwise Omi, honest, I just….just missed it, ya know?’ he trailed off.

 

‘hmph, well, we’ll have to see about getting a second set setup here so you and Omi can go at it sometime,’ Ken put in, ‘but for now…’ he turned, ‘ok Ran. You had your fun pampering loverboy here today,’ he tilted his head, ‘the Mexican was amazing by-the-way, but I digress, open the damn package already, we’re all dying here!’

 

Ran grinned, ‘I’m glad you guys are all still here actually. While I did enjoy spoiling Yohji today, and the last two weeks as well,’ he grinned evilly, ‘this is actually for all of you. I mean, it’s Yohji’s but, it’s for you guys too…..’

 

‘ok, that’s it!’ Jei growled, ‘Yohji open that damn thing or I will.’

 

‘ok, ok!’ Yohji laughed, ‘here Ran, help me Babe.’ They walked over and Ran turned the package so the seam faced out into the room. They tore the paper away and dropped it to the floor. Ran took one last look into Yohji’s eyes before taking a deep breath and rotating the painting to face the room.

 

A collective gasp, then…silence. Finally a whisper: ‘Ran’ this from Ken, ‘man! It’s, it’s incredible….how?’

 

‘wow Ran!’ Omi breathed, ‘how did you manage to do that with none of us knowing?’

 

‘Holy Shit!’ Yuushi piped in. He’d never really seen much of Ran’s work since the gallery a year ago...

 

‘It’s really amazing Ran,’ Jei spoke up, ‘you know….’ His voice thoughtful, ‘it’s almost cosmic or something…..it’d be a beautiful cover for the next album, especially if we go with Temptation as the title track. What do you think Yohji?’ All eyes turned to him.

 

Yohji had a smile of awe, pride, and a little smugness as he lifted his eyes from the painting to Ran. ‘I told you guys he was a genius, didn’t I?’

 

The painting was a montage of all the band members, a collection of various poses, solo, in pairs or groups, playing, singing, laughing, the scenes overlapping each other.

 

In the center of the canvas, reclining back, lay Yohji, his hair fanned out behind and around his head, a honey gold halo as he lay back against the white bed?, cloud? whatever, his deep green eyes half-lidded an almost ‘sated’ look on his face.

 

He was draped with a shiny white satiny cloth across his hips and upper thigh that only seemed to make him seem more alluring. A hint of hip bone there, a crease there, a shadow over the upper thigh there….

 

here was a ‘hint’ of another form intertwined with him as he reached one hand upward. Just a suggestion of blood red hair trailing over his fingertips, from that ethereal ‘someone’ the ‘impression’ of a hand print just above one exposed hip bone, the ‘hint’ of an imprint of one leg pushing down against the fabric of the banner covering him, pushing down, causing the barest indent between Yohji’s thighs. Across the banner, in gothic script, emblazoned in red letters was the band’s name, ‘WEISS’

 

‘wow!’ Nagi finally spoke. ‘wow…that’s just, that’s…. you _painted_ that, from _nothing_? Man! Ran, you’re amazing!’

 

Ran smiled looking to Yohji, ‘you like it?’

 

‘Like it?! Damn Baby, it’s fucking beautiful! It’s perfect!.’ He turned to face Ran, looking into his eyes. ‘seriously, would you…would it be ok if we _did_ screen print it? Use it as a cover? I mean’ he turned back, ‘it really is exactly perfect for the next album, we hadn’t actually set on a title track, but if we go with temptation, well….this just fits, ya know? And talk about getting your work out there…. If we show this to the world on our cover you know it’ll turn into posters, wallpapers, t-shirts, everyone will be banging down the door begging you to do their work.’

 

He turned back to Ran, ‘how did you get such perfect shots of the guys anyway? I mean,’ he blushed just a bit, dropping his eyes, ‘I know about – ahem – _my_ part, but them?’

 

‘that was easy Yohji,’ Ran laughed. ‘I sketched _a lot_ while on tour with you guys. It wasn’t hard to transfer those still shots to canvas.’

 

‘if you say so,’ Nagi was heard mumbling.

 

‘well Ran you are one seriously talented guy,’ Ken said as he turned to Yohji. ‘so, where you gonna hang it?’

 

‘oh!’ Nagi exclaimed, ‘you have to hang it in the lobby, you can’t leave it back here, are you kidding?’ he turned to Yohji

 

‘ok, ok,’ Yohji laughed, ‘the lobby it is. I mean -‘ he cut off turning to Ran. ‘you did intend it to be left here, right?’

 

‘of course Yohji,’ Ran smirked, ‘that was the idea.’ He looked around, ‘I’m glad you guys liked it, really, and I’m glad it fits in with your upcoming plans. I’d be honored to be known as your ‘cover’ artist, anytime.’

 

‘I more than like it Babe,’ Yohji pulled Ran in for another kiss, ‘it’s breathtaking, like you.’

 

“ok! That’s it!’ Yuushi’s voice snapped, ‘time to go.’ He grinned, ‘it’s been a good day. Let’s wrap up. Whatta ya think Jei, back on Wednesday?’

 

“yeah man, that sounds good. Two days between sets to let _Yohji_ rest his throat – rest it, got that?’ he turned a mini glare on Ran too. ‘And I need to see Manx about some stuff with the sponsors anyway.’

 

‘really, nice work Ran,’ Yuushi said as he put on his jacket. ‘See ya guys, I am outta here – I got a date with a beautiful woman tonight, wish me luck. And thanks Jei for the day off for recuperation.’ He smiled and left.

 

‘ahh,’ Omi stretched. ‘it really was a good day. Three tracks on disc in our first sitting. Well, we did actually come up with those ahead of time. Now the fun part begins, huh Jei, starting from scratch for, what?, fifteen more songs? I don’t envy you with all those lyrics man. Any ideas floating around in that head of yours? No? well, can’t say I’m surprised. I’ll have to see what I can come up with too….’ He laughed, ‘just kidding, but I do have some riffs I’d like to see worked into the next few songs. What say you and I get together over the weekend huh? I’ll show you.’

 

He turned to Nagi, ‘you coming in here tomorrow? Doing mail, stuff like that?’

 

‘Yeah, like always,’ Nagi answered, ‘you guys pay me to be here all week so people leave you alone. You need something Omi, just let me know man’

 

‘No no.’ Omi laughed, ‘I’ll stop by around lunch, don’t plan to wake up early like you. I’ll come in around 1 or so. I wanna see what you can do with those drums.’ He turned to leave.

 

‘No way!’ Nagi’s eyes were wide, voice hoarse, ‘seriously? Omi! Don’t mess with me like that man.’

 

“no Nagi, really. I saw that short bit you did the other night, you’re good, I’d like to check it out. I’ll be here around 1, be ready. ‘bye,’ and he left.

 

Nagi stood in the doorway, obviously stunned. ‘Nagi’ Ran’s rich laugh rang out, ‘you ok?’ Nagi turned to the others, ‘ye-yeah…I guess, I-I’m fine….’ He turned to Yohji, ‘Yohji? Is this real?’

 

Yohji swung an arm around the kid’s shoulders, ‘Nagi. You work hard, harder than any other roadie we had, never bitching about whatever we asked you to do, and believe me, some of those projects were tests to see if you _would_ bitch, you’re tireless, doing whatever it takes to get things done. We’ve noticed. And we have noticed you’re talented as well. Omi loves to jam with another stick man, especially one with passion to match his own. Surprisingly there aren’t as many of those as you would think. You’re like a kindred spirit, roll with it. And loosen up, we wouldn’t keep you around if we weren’t impressed.

 

You’ve been on the road with us, you know we’re just regular guys, like you, who got really lucky, lucky enough for someone to hear and like our sound enough to promote it.’ He smiled, ‘just _chill_. Hang out, we won’t bite. And, come in late tomorrow. I know you were here this whole two weeks we were all lazing around, and you were touring right along with us, even if not as long. You deserve a break too. Come in by say 11 or something. Just make sure you’re here before Omi. He doesn’t like to wait.’

 

‘well’ Jei put in, ‘We’re out of here too.’ he took Ken’s hand and steered him toward the exit. ‘See you Wednesday, Yohji, Nagi. Love the work Ran.’

 

They could hear Jei as they made their way down the hallway, ‘three cases Ken? Really? Geez...’

 

Ran turned to Nagi, ‘Nagi, you were pretty adamant about hanging this in the lobby. Did you have a certain spot in mind?’

 

‘huh? – oh! Oh yeah.’ Nagi shook his head, still a little blown away by this, the best day of his life since they’d asked him to stay on….’yeah, c’mon, let me show you,’ and he headed down the hallway, still describing how he knows not to let the sunlight hit it, and yet it should catch the eye when you walk in…..

 

Yohji turned and pulled Ran in for a slow kiss. ‘Baby….mmm’ he breathed, ‘I sure do love you, especially when I get to show you off and brag.’ He pulled back, ‘the painting really is beautiful. Just gorgeous. It will make an amazing cover, fans’ll go nuts. You’ll be beating other bands off with a stick after it’s public.’

 

Ran laughed, ‘well, it could be interesting work – I’ve seen some cover art, we’ll see, c’mon, lets go hang this.’

 

They carried it out to the lobby, and Yohji and Nagi hung it above the reception area, up high, close to the ceiling to prevent the sun from hitting it even during those bright, intense sunsets. ‘perfect Yohji,’ Ran’s warm voice floated up to them. ‘yeah,’ Yohji climbed down, looking again, ‘crazy perfect. I’ll get Manx to tell the photo guys to come in here tomorrow afternoon, to get some shots of it in prep for the album and posters and shit. Say around four Nagi? That sound good to you?’

 

‘that’s great Yohji, really.’ Nagi still seemed a little dazed, but happy dazed.

 

Yohji turned to Ran, ‘so babe, gonna follow me home?’

 

‘no,’ Ran smiled, ‘I took the rail so I can ride home with you.’

 

‘you know I brought my bike, right?’ Yohji asked. Ran’d only ridden on Yohji’s bike a few times since he’d bought is shortly after they’d first arrived in LA worried about some idiot scratching his precious baby. Plus, the maneuverability of the bike, and the fact that the weather here was almost always perfect for a bike, not like wet, humid New York. No, Ran generally preferred the enclosed comfort of his car, content to meet Yohji wherever they were going when he took the bike......

 

‘yes, I’m sure Yohji. It’s been a while, take me for a ride.’ He reached out taking Yohji’s hand and turning him a little back and forth, ‘the jacket looks _really_ good Yohji.’

 

‘oh!’ Yohji blinked, ‘I didn’t even thank you right, I got all sidetracked on the painting…’ he pulled Ran in, dropping his voice he breathed against Ran’s mouth. ‘it’s beautiful Babe, just perfect,’ he nipped at Ran’s bottom lip, ‘like you’ he pulled back with a wide grin, ‘and the tickets! That was a real surprise! You do know what you’ve got yourself in to, right? It’s gonna be a wild, bloody fight card.’

 

Ran laughed, ‘I’ve seen enough promos lately to have an idea, I swear that’s all you watched last weekend, promos and build up fights. I hope they’re good fights, I hope you have fun.’ He leaned in, taking Yohji’s face between his hands, ‘now, give me a proper thank you kiss….’

 

‘ahem,’ Nagi’s voice cut into the room, ‘uh, guys,’ he laughed at Yohji’s mock glare, ‘I’m gonna go. Thanks Ran for lunch, and just so you know, the Pepsi hit the spot, but I _am_ 21, just before I signed on as roadie.’ He smiled, ‘see you guys around.’ He turned to leave, turning back at the door, ‘Yohji, you got your key? To lock up? I’ll lock this front on my way out, you lock the back and set the alarm?’

 

‘yeah kid, I got it, don’t worry. See you Wednesday, and have fun tomorrow with Omi.’ Yohji turned to the blonde in his arms as the front door shut and the lock clicked into place. ‘now, where were we?’

 

Ran reached up, teasingly licking at Yohji’s lips, ‘you,’ his hands reached up inside the jacket, ‘were going to give me a thank you kiss,’ then,’ he breathed against Yohji’s mouth, ‘you were going to take me for a ride.’ Ran twined his hands into Yohji’s hair, pulling him forward.

 

Yohji gasped, ‘yeah, I was wasn’t I? a thank you kiss,’ his voice dropped to a throaty whisper, ‘thank you lover, for you.’ He claimed Ran’s mouth with his own, one hand holding Ran’s head, fingers lightly tangled in Ran’s soft hair, his tongue exploring slowly, deeply. The other hand trailed down to the small of Ran’s back, pulling, holding their bodies together. That hand then slip back up Ran’s back, then back down, fingers just tracing over Ran’s neck, shoulder, down his spine. The other hand came forward to cup Ran’s jaw. Yohji pulled back, tucking Ran’s head into his shoulder, ‘god I love you beautiful. How did I ever get so lucky?’

 

‘mmm,’ Ran purred, burrowing deeper into Yohji’s heat. Then dropping one hand down, slowly down, tracing the waistband of Yohji’s jeans, around the back to cup one firm cheek, pulling their hips back together. ‘now ‘ he growled, raising his head up, looking Yohji in the eye, his own eyes twinkling even as they darkened with need. He ground his hips forward into Yohji, the evidence of their mutual desire _firmly_ displayed between them. He held onto to Yohji’s shoulder with his other hand and let his head fall back and slightly to the side, exposing his neck, pushing them even _closer_ together. ‘Yohji,’ he moaned, ‘ride _me.’_ He growled, ‘I want you to ride me lover, now.’

 

‘Ran’ Yohji growled, leaning down to trace kissed over Ran’s neck, pushing them still harder against each other. He sucked at the juncture of neck and shoulder that he knew drove Ran crazy, yes – that thrust, that deep moan Ran couldn’t hold back whenever he found _just that spot_. He smiled, trailing his mouth back up Ran’s neck to his ear, nipping at his lobe, tracing the outer edge. ‘Ran’ he breathed, ‘you’re so hot,’ he licked inside the ear, ‘so hot.’

 

Ran was slowly grinding their hips together, thrusting up against Yohji, his hands under Yohji’s shirt now, trusting Yohji to hold him up, eyes closed, head back, his breath coming shorter, faster, ‘Yohji’ he growled from deep in his throat, ‘ Yohji, I want to fuck you Yohji,’ he raised his head, dark violet eyes opened and locked on to Yohji’s. ‘I want you to ride me, screaming my name. I want you, I want to take you, Yohji.’ He crushed his mouth to Yohji’s submissive no longer, thrusting his tongue into Yohji’s mouth, drinking Yohji in, swallowing the deep moan that erupted from Yohji’s throat. One hand reached down between them, grasping Yohji’s cock. He growled as his other hand gripped Yohji’s shoulder, ‘I will have you Yohji, you are mine.’

 

He twisted his hands into Yohji’s beautiful hair, pulling him in for a deep full kiss, walking Yohji backward until he was against the wall, his hand never releasing Yohji’s throbbing member. He squeezed just as he thrust his tongue into Yohji’s ear.

 

Yohji’s knees buckled slightly as _his_ head arched back, his eyes closed. Yohji was the one who couldn’t quite catch his breath now, his hands clenching at Ran hips, ‘yes Ran, y-yes.’ His breath caught, ‘I’m yours Ran,’

 

Ran held Yohji against the wall, sucking on his neck, nipping at his ear, ‘Yohji’ he moaned into Yohji’s ear, ‘everything, you are everything,’ he let one finger trail down into Yohji’s pants, just tracing over the tip of Yohji, feeling the wetness there. He popped the button, lowering the zipper oh, so, slowly….. then reached in taking Yohji in his hand.

 

Yohji shuddered under him as he thrust upward. Ran traced his thumb over the flared head, slipping in and back out, over his slit, down the underseam, gripping him firmly, just holding as he pulled back. ‘Yohji, look at me, open your eyes Yohji.’

 

Yohji opened his eyes, but they were wild at first, unable to focus. They came to rest on Ran’s mouth, locking on those wet, full lips, finally raising to meet Ran’s eyes. Those violet orbs, dark with passion, boring into him. ‘Yohji, you are so beautiful,’ Ran rasped as he began to stroke Yohji, ‘and I am so, amazed, so glad that you are mine,’ he leaned in, stroking with light, long strokes, not too hard, not wanting to bring pain dry.

 

‘I am the luckiest man in the world. I am going to take you now Yohji, I have been waiting all day to take you like this.’ He dropped to his knees, his hands holding Yohji against the wall. He looked up as Yohji’s hands came to rest on his head.

 

‘I am going to take you like this Yohji, then I am going to take you again, you’re going to ride me Yohji, until I can’t remember my name, then you’ll scream it for me.’ He kept his eyes locked on Yohji’s as he leaned in, trailing his tongue all the way down, then slowly back up, his tongue splayed out over the underside of Yohji’s cock, pressing, hot, wet. He slipped the tip of his tongue in and out of Yohji’s slit and around the head until Yohji was panting so hard he couldn’t keep his eyes open, then Ran swallowed him.

 

Yohji’s hips thrust forward, his head flew up, ‘Ran!’ he cried, breathless, his eyes rolling back, ‘Ran ooohhh,’ Ran chuckled and that vibration went straight to Yohji’s balls, he hummed deeply in the back of his throat in approval as Yohji trembled and disentangled his hands from Ran’s hair, holding onto the wall, afraid he’d pull Ran in too hard, ‘Ran’ oh damn, ohgodyes! Ran!’

 

Yohji’s knees dipped again and Ran pressed his hips back against the wall, keeping him upright as he sucked, harder, deeper, one hand reaching up to cup Yohji’s sack, Ran knew he was close. Yohji’s hips began to staccato thrust, heralding his release, Ran ran a hand over Yohji’s thigh, he hummed again, forcefully, ‘uh …ngh….oh shit, Ran! ..yes, right… there….. I… oh…ssss….r..Ran….’

 

Ran’s tongue swirled around Yohji’s head, ‘rr..rra…Ran!’ Yohji cried out as his release burst forth. Ran was ready, he pulled back just as Yohji erupted, stroking, pulling, milking every drop. Ran pressed Yohji firmly against his own belly. Watching avidly as Yohji’s seed pulsated from him, coating his hand, running his fingers through it, into Yohji’s skin. His other hand pulled Yohji’s jeans down to his ankles, then he stood, turning a still pliant Yohji face to the wall.

 

His coated fingers began to prep Yohji, ‘I want you to ride me now Yohji,’ he slipped a finger in as he licked the back of Yohji’s neck, ‘I want you so much,’ he slipped in another as he leaned forward to lick at Yohji’s ear. ‘ride me baby, he began to thrust his own hardness against Yohji’s hip as his fingers worked, ‘Yohji, I want you…. I _need_ you,’

 

Yohji came down from his bliss and began to thrust back against Ran. ‘oh…. Beautiful,’ he moved his hand, reaching down to cup Ran’s length. He writhed against Ran’s hand, then turned himself around, taking Ran into his arms. ‘yes baby, let me ride you.’ He lowered Ran to the floor, reaching over to the reception counter on the way down for the hand lotion kept there with the business cards and Kleenex, ‘I don’t think I can stay on my feet through another one Ran. The things you do to me….you take it all out of me angel,’

 

He smiled down and lowered Ran’s pants down to his knees. Ran’s cock sprang upward, swollen, hot, and _hard_. Yohji’s eyes lit up. ‘you are undeniable Ran,’ he ran his hands over Ran’s chest, down his abs, over his hips and down his thighs, ‘I can’t believe you’re mine Ran, …so beautiful, so _you.’_

He pumped the lotion into his hand and reached out and grabbed Ran’s cock. He coated Ran’s length, stroking, pulling, then straddled him. Ran reached up, grabbing Yohji’s hips. ‘yes, Yohji’ he growled, ‘ride me Yohji, _now Yohji!_ I need you, I need to be inside you.’ He squeezed Yohji’s hips as he thrust upward, ‘ _now!’_

 

Yohji lifted himself over Ran’s shaft and slowly lowered himself, leaning forward, letting his hair curtain over them, his hands splayed over Ran’s chest. ‘ahh!’ Ran hissed, ‘Yohji, shit!’ Yohji lifted back up slightly, repositioning and lowered back down just as Ran ground out, ‘no! Yohji no, don’t move, oh god,’ he arched back, trembling, ‘oh …my …yo..Yohji,’

 

‘Ran’ Yohji moaned, ‘every time Ran, you are just so perfect,’

Ran’s eyes were rolled up, he brought them back to Yohji, easing his back down to the floor, ‘ok.. Yohji… ok, move baby, ride me. I love you’ he pushed up. ‘I love you…. forever…. ride….. me.’

 

Yohji began to rock back and forth, then up and down, slowly, then with increasing speed and depth, ‘Ran….. Ran…. Ran.....’ Yohji chanted, he leaned forward, ‘Ran, kiss me…… Ran!’

 

Ran lunged upward, bringing their lips together, one hand braced against the floor, the other latching onto Yohji’s neck. He thrust up, hard, and dropped down, ‘Yohji, I’m so close ….. already…..unh….’ he grabbed Yohji’s hips, thrusting, ‘Yohji! … so close…… don’t… don’t’ stop….’ He threw his head back, and thrust upward.

 

Yohji groaned and began to bounce forcefully, steadying himself, he leaned back, his hands on Ran’s thighs, his own head back, his hair trailing back over Ran’s balls, ‘Ran! …. cum for me baby, ahh…. Ungh…’

 

Hhe reached forward with one hand, fisting himself, ‘yes Ran….. oh,’ he began to moan Ran’s name with each thrust. He could feel Ran’s cock throbbing, pulsing inside him, as Ran’s whole body tensed, ‘Gh-Yohji’ Ran’s terse moan ground out between clenched teeth. His hands tightening on Yohji’s hips, bruising, his thighs tightening to the point of pain, his abs flexing as his body arched upward. ‘nnnh.’ Ran shuddered once more, then suddenly dropped down, his arms falling down beside Yohji’s legs,

 

‘oh shit…. Ran….. you are….. so …. beautiful…. when you….. cum, ……when you….let go for me.’ Yohji’d stopped bouncing, as he continued to work his own length, ‘only…. for me….. that amazing…. display,..ngh, uh, uh, Ran’ he pumped harder, squeezing, Ran still resting inside him, he could feel Ran’s pulse inside, almost against _that_ spot, just a hint, a tease, ‘Ran’ he whispered.

 

He felt his hand batted away as Ran reached up to take him, ‘Yohji, cum for me baby, now Yohji, let go, lose yourself for me,’ Ran squeezed, adding a twist just at the end, his other hand reaching up and rubbing the tip of Yohji’s cock as he pumped. That double sensation he knew always caused Yohji to lose it.

 

‘oh my god, Ran’ Yohji cried out as Ran fingered his slit. That did it, he thrust up into Ran’s hand, panting as his released flowed. He fell forward to lay, spent, over Ran’s chest.

 

Ran put his arms around him holding tightly, planting kisses to Yohji’s temples, stroking his hair. ‘mmm, I have been thinking about that since you _left_ this morning’ he held Yohji for a minute longer, stroking, caressing..., ‘ok, you, c’mon, up.’ He pushed, ‘let’s get cleaned up and get some dinner, I’m starving.’

 

Yohji snuggled down closer, ‘jus five mor mins’ he mumbled, running his hands up and down Ran’s sides, ‘mmm, ok, ok,’ he sighed, lifting up to kiss Ran tenderly. ‘damn, I shoulda went back to work sooner, no – wait, that woulda cut into the honeymoon,’

 

He smiled ‘so, you gonna spoil me like this _every_ anniversary? I have definitely marked this date on the calendar for celebration.’ He leaned in for another kiss, ‘this date can be yours, I’m gonna take note of more anniversary type dates, next one to come up will be my turn,’ he smiled down, ‘forever Ran, our whole lives, I’m sure I can come up with one date to spoil _you_ with.’ A deep breath, ‘now I guess it’s time to get out of here. You mentioned dinner, I am hungry, that was quite the work out.’

 

Ran rolled them over, laying Yohji back, ‘stay here babe, I’ll be right back.’ He got up heading to the kitchen area, pulling his pants mostly up. He wet a towel, cleaned himself up and went back to his lover. Yohji lay there, close to sleep if Ran was any judge.

 

He grinned and dropped the wet towel on Yohji’s stomach. ‘wake up lover, you know I can’t handle that monster you call a bike with you passed out on me. Thought you were hungry?’

 

He dropped down and began to clean Yohji up. Yohji sighed, ‘I am hungry,’ he sat up and took the towel, ‘I got this.’ He finished and stood up, only a little shaky. He straightened and took the towel to the kitchen, washing it out thoroughly and draping it over the counter. He grabbed the last two Heinekin’s from the cooler on the way back, ‘so, what’s for dinner lover,’ he smiled at Ran, ‘I already had dessert.’

 

‘no,’ Ran smirked, ‘that was an appetizer, dessert’s at home.’

 

Yohji stared at him. ‘Ran, are you trying to kill me?’

 

‘What? Getting old?’ Ran smiled, ‘What happened to over and over, all night?’

 

Yohji looked stricken, began to stammer.

 

‘Yohji,’ Ran came to him, ‘kidding, I was kidding baby. You are perfect, your stamina blows my mind, and I am _never_ unfulfilled. Yohji?, he looked up into Yohji’s eyes, ‘really lover, you wear me out.’

 

Yohji grinned, ‘don’t I know it too Babe.’ He sighed, ‘well, someday I _will_ get old, but you’ll be old right there with me. It’ll still be us when we’re both so old it’s once a month on the calendar’ he smiled. ‘I am hungry, what are we eating?’

 

‘well,’ Ran laughed, ‘I was thinking seafood, and your favorite dessert actually is waiting at home…. Another taste of you may still be on the menu too, we’ll see.’

 

 

‘ooh, seafood sounds good!’ Yohji said, ‘let’s try that new grille downtown. It’s a Monday night, life oughta be relatively calm.’

 

They headed out to the bike, Yohji grabbing his riding leather on the way out. ‘here babe, wear this. I got my fancy new one here, you wear this one. Gotta protect that beautiful skin of yours. Ran shrugged into the jacket and Yohji took a step back. ‘Damn!’

 

‘what?!’ Ran looked up, startled at the tone in Yohji’s voice. ‘what’s wrong?’

 

‘Ran,’ he breathed, ‘damn you are so sexy in leather. Why haven’t I dressed you in leather already? Damn you’re hot’ he leaned in for a quick kiss, ‘and mine – all mine’ he pulled back, ‘ok, let’s go show you off.’

 

Ran climbed up behind Yohji, ‘dressed me?’ he breathed in Yohji’s ear. ‘do I look like a doll to you – don’t answer that!’ he nipped Yohji’s ear, feeling him laugh. ‘so, you like the look huh? Well, maybe I’ll have to experiment with a new outfit or two. I think I like the feel of leather. Maybe some soft, leather pants, hmm?’

 

Yohji’s hand dropped down to intertwine with Ran’s as they sat at the light. He leaned back, growling just loud enough to be heard over the roar of the bike, ‘definitely Babe, I can’t wait.’

 

They arrived at the grille and as Yohji shut the bike down he saw heads turning. Ran had removed his helmet and his deep red hair shone in the lamplight, contrasting with the black leather. Damn but he was beautiful. Yohji removed his own helmet, shaking out his honey gold distinctive long hair, and knew this wouldn’t be an anonymous dinner.

 

He’d seen the paparazzi camped out near the entrance. WEISS had become something of an overnight sensation, (never mind the years it took to get there ) much more so this time around than their original rise. This was worldwide now and as lead singer he was already the front man, add in his long honey hair and he especially stood out.

 

As the tour had progressed it’d become more and more likely he would be recognized in public. He sighed, turning to Ran, ‘are you sure you wanna do this?’ he asked as he noticed a small group of photogs making their way through the parking lot. ‘it could get real frustrating real quick.’

 

‘no Yohji, it’s ok.’ Ran took his hand. ‘let them snap shots, it gets your image out, brings more attention to WEISS. Besides, I know you’ve been wanting to check this place out, and a Monday is probably the slowest night. We’re gonna run into this no matter what, we may as well get used to it.’

 

‘ok babe, if you’re sure,’ Yohji rolled his shoulders, ‘ah, the price of success, hmm? Wonder if they’d latch onto you if I told them you’re Rook, the painter?’ he laughed at the look on Ran’s face. ‘don’t worry babe, not a chance. I don’t want them hangin all over you – you are mine and mine alone.’ He grabbed a quick kiss just before the camera’s started flashing, ‘ok. No hiding, but no interviews either, not today. C’mon.’

 

They entered the grille, ignoring the occasional camera as best they could. Heads turned as Ran’s hair caught the light, bringing comment, eyes following Ran. Some puzzled as though they felt they should know him, trying to place him. Most just appreciative of his sensual grace.

 

They enjoyed the evening, having eyes only for each other, ignoring the stares of the other diners, the flash of the cameras outside. ‘Dinner was nice,’ Yohji said as they left, ‘but at the risk of sounding old’ he smirked, ‘I think I prefer dinner at home.’

 

Ran leaned his head against Yohji’s back as Yohji settled his helmet. He sat up so Yohji could start the bike, leaning back in once it had roared to life. ‘I agree.’ He mouthed against Yohji’s ear. He sighed, ‘guess I’ll have to learn to cook a larger variety of dishes, hmm?’ he laughed and sat back. ‘let’s go home,’ Yohji said, one hand on Ran’s thigh. He gave a squeeze and drove out of the lot.

 

As they walked up to the door, Yohji suddenly swept Ran into his arms. ‘Yohji’ Ran laughed, ‘what are you doing?’ ‘dancing. With you.’ He twirled them around the entry way, dipping Ran for a kiss. He stood and opened the door.

 

As they entered, he again reached and twirled Ran around, humming a slow tune. ‘happy anniversary baby’ he kissed Ran’s ring, twining their fingers together. ‘I was yours the first time you kissed me. It has always been you Ran. It always will be. This life and the next, until we’re so old we can’t remember our own names anymore. I am yours and you are mine.’

 

Ran brought them to a stop, bringing his hands up to hold Yohji’s face, gently. ‘I _am_ yours Yohji. Always, heart and soul’ he took another lingering kiss then yelped as Yohji dropped a playful slap on his ass. ‘shower, now’ he started to walk away, pulling off his jacket, ‘come scrub my back.’ He called over his shoulder, starting on the buttons of his shirt.

 

Ran caught and held Yohji’s eyes, leaning down into his own jacket, taking a deep breath. ‘but baby, I still smell you on me, hmm…. Nice’ he watched as Yohji’s eyes widened, then lowered half way. ‘c’mon lover,’ Yohji held out his hand.

 

Ran came to him, ‘only if I get to wash your hair, and I wanna soak too. He ran his fingers through Yohji’s honey strands, pulling it up to his lips.

 

‘you can wash every part of me Angel, I promise,’ Yohji tugged slightly, ‘come with me,’ he smirked.

 

The hot spray rained down on them, trailing over skin and muscle. Ran did wash Yohji’s hair, trailing it through his fingers, Yohji’s head against his shoulder as he washed Ran’s back, his hands kneading down to Ran’s hips. Ran returned the favor, turning Yohji to scrub his back before rinsing the lather from Yohji’s hair, running his hands down Yohji’s back, sloughing the soap off.

 

He dropped down, lathering Yohji’s thighs, hips, then back up. He turned Yohji again, running his hands over his stomach, arms, shoulders, chest, back down inside his thighs, but not going close to Yohji’s growing desire. He smiled at Yohji, ‘so, my turn for a ride Yohji?’ Ran asked coyly.

 

‘c’mere you’ Yohji growled, flipping them, putting Ran against the wall. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. ‘my turn,’ he cupped his hands, pouring water over Ran’s hair. He lathered his hair, massaging his temples, down the nape of his neck, across his shoulders.

 

He turned Ran to face the wall, massaging his shoulders and back until he could feel him pliant and relaxed. He brought the spray forward, rinsing Ran’s hair and back, following the lather down his perfect ass. He reached over and grabbed the massage oil with his other hand, as Ran stood half asleep against the wall.

 

He set the spray, soft and warm, to focus on Ran’s back, and poured some over his hands and down over his member. He leaned in trailing his hand down over Ran. Gripping him softly, he slid his other hand in to spread Ran.

 

Ran’s eyes opened and he looked over his shoulder, smiling back at Yohji. ‘ok gorgeous,’ Yohji breathed, ‘taking you for a ride now.’ He leaned forward, breathing into Ran’s ear, ‘nice and slow’ he slid one finger inside just as he squeezed Ran, with a long slow pull. Ran braced his legs against the tile as Yohji kept up the slow pulls, inserting teasing quick flicks of his fingers inside Ran.

 

The two differing sensations began to drive Ran wild. He started to moan, torn between a deep thrust into Yohji’s hand and the short fast thrust of Yohji’s fingers inside him. Yohji added another, reaching deeper, searching. He was rewarded by Ran’s knees suddenly locking as he called out, ‘Yes Yohji! There, ohdamnohdamnohdamn again, right there!’

 

Yohji complied, flicking his fingers against Ran’s nerves, then pulled out, but kept his other hand busy, picking up the tempo. He aligned himself and leaned forward, biting Ran’s shoulder as he entered him, squeezing, pulling his cock, just at the moment he entered with one quick thrust. ‘Yohji!’ Ran called out, eyes wide, ‘oh oh Yohji.’ He bucked against Yohji’s hand, splayed against the wall. ‘take me Yohji, harder… oh!’

 

‘yeah Babe….yeah!’ Yohji held Ran’s hip with his free hand, steadying him as he thrust, deeper, harder, faster. His other hand matching the movement, pulling, pushing, faster, ‘mine’ he growled, ‘always, only mine’ he thrust upward more, searching for the spot, angling. He knew when he’d found it, Ran let out a wordless cry, arching back into Yohji. ‘yes Ran, yes, cum for me baby, only for me, scream for me Ran, tell me’

 

‘Yohji!, you’re – won - derful – gods – huh, huh – Yohji! – nev – er – never – enough – of you.’ Ran’s hands searched along the wall, desperate. Yohji moved the hand from Ran’s hip, grasping Ran’s right hand, twining their fingers.

 

‘I – Yohji – I – oh _damn –_ I’m – don’t – Yohji, don’t st- stop – there Yohji, there Oh! Yohji! Yohji!, Ran exploded, his release shooting up over Yohji’s hand and against the shower wall.

 

Yohji’s own rhythm began to change as Ran squeezed him. ‘Ran – angel, you are so perfect, so hot, so _tight_.’ He released Ran, bringing both hands to hold his hips as he thrust faster now, not so deep, but faster, faster. ‘Ran!, ah Ran, ssss-‘ he froze.

 

His head falling forward onto Ran’s shoulder as he shuddered, whimpering, unable to say any more as he came, long and hard, his seed shooting forth, almost pulling something from within himself with it. Finally, he almost fell against Ran, breathing deep, slowing down, his thrusts tapering off to come to a stuttering halt.

 

‘holy hell Ran. How I got so lucky for you to love me and to let me love you, I will never know. I must have one hell of a karma from somewhere along the line.’ He kissed Ran’ shoulder, ‘I sure am glad.’

 

He shakily stood back, drizzling some body wash over himself and Ran. A quick scrub and rinse, flipping Ran over to rinse his front, and Yohji turned off the tap. ‘Ran, Babe? You ok?’ he asked as Ran still hadn’t opened his eyes.

 

‘no. I am not ok Yohji, I am in heaven. I’m perfect. Forget the soak. Bed. Let’s go to bed, I’m exhausted, I don’t even know if I can walk that far.’

Yohji grinned, wrapping them each in a towel, ‘yeah babe, me too, we wore each other out. Not even eleven and look at us, a couple old men for sure.’ He smiled. ‘c’mon old man, lean on me.’

 

They curled up in the bed, Ran’s back to Yohji, Yohji’s face buried in his hair. ‘I do love you,’ he breathed. ‘sleep well babe.’

 

‘..mmm, with you here’ Ran sleepily replied, ‘always Yohji, always. See you in the morning, a-’ yawn, snuggling deeper, ‘ a nice, normal morning. Don’t wake me up……….’ His voice trailed off as sleep claimed them.

 


	16. Chapter 16

** CHAPTER 16 **

** Visitor **

 

Ran awoke entirely comfortable and rested. He stretched languidly and reached over only to find the other side of the bed empty and cool. ‘Yohji ?’ He sat up, glancing at the clock. 10:00 am? He hadn’t slept so late for quite some time.

 

Ran smiled as he thought of Yohji’s shower ‘massage’ last night that had left him so relaxed. ‘Yohji’ he smiled to himself, a shiver of pleasure running through him. ‘hmmm’ Ran got up and stepped into the bathroom. Considerably more alert, he emerged ready to go find Yohji.

 

As he moved around the room he caught the aroma of bacon. Yohji? Cooking? Ran pulled on some sweats, ran his fingers though his hair and opened the door. He heard voices coming from the kitchen. Voices? Who could be over on a Tuesday morning? He started down the hall, then paused. Hmm, if they had visitors, perhaps he should put on a shirt. As he turned back he heard Yohji’s voice, ‘Ran?, that you?’

 

‘yeah, I’m coming….hang on.’ Ran grabbed a shirt and went to the kitchen. Yohji sat at the table while Schuldig was at the stove. ‘wow, hey Schuldig’, Ran started toward the coffee. ‘I knew Yohji couldn’t be cooking.’

 

‘Ha ha.’ Yohji stood and wrapped his arms around Ran kissing him, ‘morning babe. I’ll get your coffee baby, have a seat.’ He smirked as he poured, ‘So, sleep well?’

 

Ran turned into Yohji as he leaned over pouring the coffee. ‘I can’t believe you let me sleep this late.’

 

‘well, you looked so peaceful. I couldn’t bring myself to wake you.’ He traced a hand over Ran’s jaw, then reached down and patted his thigh. ‘for some reason you seemed to be **so** relaxed.’ He flashed a grin. ‘besides, last night you specifically told me _not_ to wake you.’

 

‘hmph’ Ran snorted. ‘so Schuldig, what’s going on? We haven’t seen you in quite some time. And now you’re here, in L.A., cooking Yohji breakfast.’

 

‘oh!’ Yohji smacked his forehead. ‘I totally forgot to mention it yesterday! Schu called Friday while you were at the store. I was watching the fight and forgot by the time you got home. He sent a text last night to make sure it was still ok to stop by and we were somewhat occupied.

 

He grinned, rubbing Ran’s leg under the table. ‘anyway, I woke early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. I texted him back to come anytime. He was awake and called right then. He got here about a half hour ago and took pity on me just before I succumbed to the cheerios.’

 

He smiled at Schuldig as he laid out the bacon to drain and sat three plates on the table. ‘looks real good Schu’ Yohji smacked hi lips. ‘beats cold cereal any day.’

 

Ran nodded as he sat up, ‘it does look good Schuldig. Thank you.’ He took a bite of the omelet. ‘very nice’ he swallowed. ‘you know, Yohji and I were just talking yesterday. Now that things have settled down again I plan to cook more at home. It’s been a while….

 

I know you’re an amazing cook and being Yohji’s best friend for so long I’m sure you know some of his favorite ‘home cooking’ dishes. Since Yohji is lost if it’s not grilled or nuked, I plan to take over the kitchen and cook again. Maybe we can finally start those cooking lessons we never got around to .... before.’ He turned his gaze to Yohji’s, finding warmth, love and support there.

 

‘Anyway, aside from the pasties I fell in love with in London, the majority of my cooking skills tend toward more gourmet dishes. He likes my cooking, but many of the recipes are ..... not really Yohji’s preference. It’s ok once in a while, but not on a regular basis. I’d like to be able to put together a repertoire of some of his favorites.’

 

He took another bite of the omelet. It really was good, simple yet… Yohji seemed to really enjoy it too. He wanted to be able to do this for Yohji. Another way of making their home truly theirs.

 

‘ah, Ran’ Schu smiled. ‘I’d be glad to provide some recipes. I have some of our favorites from our time as roommates and will gladly email you when I get home. I’ll write a few down for you today if you give me an idea what you have on hand.’

 

‘that’d be nice Schuldig.’ Ran smiled. ‘now, what’s going on? You didn’t come over here this early just to make Yohji breakfast. Spill.’

 

Ran was absurdly grateful for the relatively easy comraderie that had grown between him and Schuldig after Yohji’d taken him back. He’d worried, actually a lot, about what would happen if Schu had not accepted the reunion. How it would affect Yohji. What he would do if he’d been forced to choose.

 

But. Schu had been willing to accept Ran again as part of Yohji’s life. Knowing how badly he’d been affected too by Persia’s manipulations. And he accepted how happy Yohji was and trusted Yohji to make this choice.

 

Schuldig laughed. ‘actually Ran I am in the area this week for a conference. I’d hoped to get to visit while I was here. We haven’t seen much of each other this past year. I missed Yohji’s smiling face.’ He grinned at Yohji, ‘And yours of course.’ He turned back to Ran.

 

‘Tch, yeah – right’ Ran mock growled. He looked at Schuldig more seriously, ‘Schuldig, I’m glad we’ve been able to make our peace. We both love Yohji. I’d…I’d like for us to be .....friends, ... famly.’ He took Yohji’s hand across the table smiling warmly, turning back to Schuldig, ‘really’

 

‘I’d like that Ran.’ Schuldig smiled too. ‘I can see how happy Yohji is. His emails over the last year have shown how much you have grown, how happy you’ve made him. I’m very happy for you. Both of you.’

 

He looked around the room, breaking the somber mood a bit. ‘The loft is wonderful by the way. Yohji’d emailed me some photos, but it didn’t do the place justice.’ He turned back to them, taking a small breath. ‘actually, there was a reason for my visit beyond just getting to see Yohji. Do you remember Brad Ran?’

 

Ran winced a little, then smiled. ‘yeah, a little. He was very…tolerant of my’ he cleared his throat, ‘my breakdown. I’m not sure I would have shown the compassion he did had someone shown up at my door as I did that morning. He was very gracious. Why?’

 

‘well,’ Schuldig blushed a bit and Yohji grinned ‘Schu?’ He drawled, “why are you blushing?” he grin grew wider “what’s going on?’

 

‘well,’ Schuldig began again, ‘as Yohji knows, Brad and I have grown….quite close these past 3 years. Well.’ He cleared his throat, ‘Brad was offered a very nice, lucrative position at a prestigious architectural firm here in LA, New World Industries. He’d be designing elite homes and resorts for the financial elite of the world: Dubai, some areas of the US, even a new Vegas they are considering in northern California. Anyway, accepting means permanently relocating to LA. He-he asked me to come with him. To make our relationship permanent. I said yes. We’ve been exclusive for almost 2 years now, but this…. This makes it more….we’re getting rings this weekend. I’m here to look for a home.’ He looked up and smiled.

 

‘Schuldig! That’s wonderful!’ Yohji whooped. ‘wait, he stopped, what about your teaching? You’ve been at that school a long time.’

 

‘well,’ Schuldig replied. ‘Brad is finalizing things at home. I gave a one month notice. I was already enrolled for the conference this week and I’ll be able to use the materials in my new position here. I’ve sent out my resume to various contacts. I am looking for tutoring positions. I don’t plan to return to full time teaching. Brad will sometimes have to travel…to Dubai or other locations, and’ he smiled and looked down, ‘he wants me to be able to go with him when he does.’

 

‘well, of course he does.’ Yohji grinned. ‘I’d die if I had to go too long without Ran. Two months almost killed me – if Brad has to go to Dubai that would just be too long. I imagine for both of you,’ he leered at Schuldig.

 

Ran cleared his throat. ‘so, you’re moving here. That’s great. I’ve heard of New World. Their offices are actually relatively close by. Have you selected a place yet? ‘

 

‘no. Actually that’s another reason I’d called. I hoped we could get together and you could give me some ideas about where to look. My conference runs through Friday evening and Brad’s coming Saturday after a morning meeting. We return to our respective jobs Monday. We have six weeks left on the lease to my apartment. Brad’s moved most of his things into storage and is staying with me while we get everything closed out and look for something permanent.’ He smiled again at the word.

 

‘it’s about damn time Schu’ Yohji growled. ‘it took you guys long enough. I mean, three years man.’

 

‘well Yohji. Schuldig replied, ‘you know we’ve been exclusive for two years, like I said, but moving in together, buying a place together in a new city, it’s a big step.’ He looked down, then back up, looking closely at Yohji. ‘we’ve both been in serious relationships before. It…..hurts when things don’t last, for whatever reason. We wanted to be **sure**.’

 

He flashed a grin, ‘and we **are** , both of us…..when Brad told me about the job offer, at first all I could think was how happy I was for him. It was his dream to get to do this type of work. Then, it hit me. He’d have to relocate. That struck me to the core, I was so scared. I could hardly breathe. He was watching me closely, he told me later, watching for my reaction. When he realized I’d figured it out, and the effect it had on me, he said he knew then I’d say yes.’

 

Schuldig smiled, eyes far away, ‘self confident bastard. But, he was right. It never occurred to me to resist. No regret to leave anything behind. I’d follow him anywhere…he’s my life…’ his voice trailed off.

 

‘I know exactly what you mean.’ Ran’s deep voice broke the silence. ‘when Yohji left-‘ his voice broke a bit. Even now, a year after getting him back.... thinking of that time opened a hole in his heart.

 

He cleared his throat as he felt Yohji’s warm strong hand grip his own. ‘anyway, though I’d deserved it, and that knowledge somehow kept me together those two dark years, even though – I felt like I was the walking dead, I wasn’t _alive_ , I was just breathing.’

 

He looked at Yohji, ’I’ll never make that mistake again. Where he goes, I go. On tour, to the ends of the earth, to the moon…I’m there.’ He grinned at Schuldig. ‘not that I don’t trust him or anything, and we _can_ be apart for short bursts, a week, maybe 2, but for too long and my soul withers. He’s what keeps me alive, like my air.’

 

He coughed, ‘anyway. Congratulations Schuldig, really. We’re very happy for you. So, you’re here all week for this conference? What hotel are you staying at?’ he sipped his coffee.

 

‘the Sheraton over by I-10-‘ Schuldig started to reply, but was cut off. ‘No.’

 

‘No?’ Schuldig looked puzzled.

 

‘No.’ Ran said. ‘Come stay here. Your conference, is it days, evenings?’

 

‘it’s mostly evening sessions’ Schuldig said. ‘I had planned to use the days to look around for a place.’

 

‘well. Let’s move you here, forget the hotel, we can do that this morning. Then we can check out a few places this afternoon. Yohji returns to the studio tomorrow. You and I can check out things during the days and we can talk recipe ideas and blackmail material.’ Ran took another sip of his coffee.

 

‘wh-what?’ Yohji sputtered, ‘blackmail material? What?’

 

Schuldig laughed. ‘really Ran, you wouldn’t mind? I know how you value privacy. It’s only until Sunday morning. Our return flight leaves around noon Sunday I believe.’

 

‘yeah, well, six months plus on a tour bus will cure you of privacy issues pretty quick. You can have the guest room and Brad arrives Saturday, late morning you said?’ he laughed, ‘it will give us a chance this week to get to know each other better. Schuldig, I’m sure – really. It will be good.’

 

‘blackmail material?’ Yohji growled again, ‘Ran?’

 

‘well” Ran turned conspiratorially to Schuldig, ‘eventually the tabloids are going to get around to me now that we are in one place long enough, I need something juicy to throw at them right? To get them off my track.’ He turned back to Yohji who was staring at him bug eyed, ‘wha-?’

 

‘hmm’ Schuldig smiled. ‘you know, I think I may just have some old pictures from high school that-‘

 

‘Schuldig!’ Yohji cut him off, ‘you wouldn’t!’ he squeaked.

 

‘what?’ Ran turned intent on Schuldig, ‘what Schu?’

 

Schuldig laughed. ‘well, I guess not.’ He raised both hands in surrender. ‘don’t worry Yohji. I promised didn’t i? I’ve never shown them to anyone, no one has seen those pictures since they were taken. I’m sure no one remembers.’

 

‘you still **have** them?!’ Yohji squawked. ‘you said you **burned** them Schuldig.’

 

Ran looked from face to face. ‘what Yohji?’

 

Schuldig chuckled. ‘I couldn’t Yohji, I just couldn’t burn them. I mean, memories are precious, right? What if I started to forget?’

 

‘that’s the idea man’ Yohji growled ‘you’re **supposed** to forget. _Everyone_ is supposed to forget.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I can’t believe you still have them’

 

‘what Yohji?’ Ran asked, growing concerned. He tilted his head to try to look into Yohji’s eyes. ‘forget what Yohji? Are you upset, really? Was it something bad? I was only teasing, I’d never _really_ embarrass you. Yohji?’

 

‘No Baby.’ Yohji rubbed his eyes, a wry grin on his face. ‘I’m not upset like that.’ He turned a glower on Schuldig who sat still chuckling lightly, hand over his mouth. ‘it’s just…. There are some embarrassing parts of my life that this extortioner has held on to.’ He sighed. ‘parts I’d like to forget, to make sure the _world_ forgets….’

 

‘ _WHAT Yohji?_ What?’ Ran was afire with curiosity now.

 

‘I am so gonna get you for this Schu.’ Yohji turned back to Ran sighing. He ran his fingers through his hair and his lips lifted, rueful. ‘well, I was not always-‘ he again glowered at Schuldig, ‘not always the astounding specimen of male beauty you see here before you.’

 

Schuldig burst into full laughter at that, holding his sides, hugging himself as if to control the outburst. ‘Yohji!’ he laughed, ‘oh my!’ he made an obvious effort to try to control himself.

 

Finally he seemed to get a handle on it. ‘Ran’ he shook himself and cleared his throat. ‘you’ve heard of late bloomers? Well, prince Yohji here started high school as a 14 year old _shrimp_. Skinny, short, shrimp. His freshman and sophomore years were _not_ spent as Mr. Popular.’

 

Schuldig smirked as Yohji harrumphed, arms folded across his chest. ‘he was a good 4 inches shorter than me then, and I wasn’t exactly football team material myself. He wasn’t picked on too badly, but the suave, self-confident sex god we all know and love was not yet born.’

 

Schuldig shook his head ‘of course the girls still loved him, even then. He’s always had that beautiful hair, and those smoldering eyes, and that charm….but then it was more in a ‘aww, isn’t he cute’ way rather than a ‘damn he is hot” way. And other guys were not yet in awe yet. Thus explaining his intimate knowledge of the graffiti _inside_ the school’s dumpster.’ He chuckled darkly.

 

‘Luckily, he hit his growth spurt toward the end of sophomore year, and over the summer began to grow into the Adonis you see here before you. Adding in muscle tone in junior and senior year, weight training class helped there, and his voice finally deepening to something one could bear to listen to’

 

Schuldig leaned over and stage whispered to a wide eyed Ran, ‘before, he sounded like a cat getting a bath – it was awful.’ He chuckled again, sitting up, ‘NO ONE in the early years of high school would have **_ever_** imagined he would grow into this sexy beast front man for the hottest band around right now. Weiss didn’t really start making any impression until almost the end of senior year.’

 

He tilted his head and gave Yohji a speculative look. ‘You know, now that we bring it up, I’m surprised someone _hasn’t_ come forward to interview of the “Yohji I knew before”. hmmm…’ Schuldig trailed off, musing.

 

Ran sat wide eyed watching Yohji, who was snarling around a cigarette at Schuldig. ‘do you really still have those pics Schu? Maybe I need to help you pack as you move. You know, things get lost when you’re moving, right?’

 

Schu laughed, “I do have them Yohji, but I’d never show the media, you know that. And I doubt anyone else from high school would have kept any from that time period. If there are other pictures floating around they would be more the later years, more the you we know now rather than the one I first grew to know and love as the brother I never had. I may show Ran though – hmm, maybe I’ll email you.’

 

Yohji sighed, ‘well, whatever. I’m sure I can come up with some dirt on you to share with Brad, just let me think a bit…there has to be _something_ …..anyway, let’s go get your stuff from the hotel. Ran’s right, you’ll stay with us.’ He turned to Ran, leaning into his space, ‘Baby? You ok? You seem a little dazed.’

 

Ran blinked, ‘I’m trying to picture a short skinny Yohji. It’s not really coming into focus….’ He looked up at Yohji leaning over him, ‘this is my Yohji, here.’ He pulled Yohji forward for a kiss, soft and light at first, but deepening as his fingers threaded into Yohji’s hair, one hand cupping the back of his head.

 

He pulled back, ‘hmmm, what you do to me.’ He leaned his forehead against Yohji’s ‘Schuldig? I think you _should_ email me some of those skinny Yohji pictures-‘

 

‘what?’ Yohji shot up, looking down at Ran, ‘what for?’

 

‘well, when you’re too sexy for your own good, it might help me resist a bit if I could picture the skinny you,’ Ran smirked.

 

‘hmph’ Yohji stepped back, ‘you can picture whatever you want, you’ll still have the real life me here to deal with – try resisting,’ he smirked himself, ‘might be fun…. Come on Schu’ he went to step into his boots, ‘the sooner we go, the sooner we can get back and look into places. Ran will put together a list of prospects while we’re gone’ he glanced at Ran as they headed out the door, ‘you got any areas in mind yet yourself?’

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Schuldig and Ran entered the studio laughing, ‘really Ran, I swear. She was so jealous of his hair she was practically green. She swore he either had to cut it or wear a wig – a real diva this one – no Romeo could possibly have hair longer than Juliet, and of course the play could not go forward without her, she was simply too important. Of course Yohji flatly refused to cut the hair, and he conveniently forgot the wig on opening night. She came out on stage to face him and promptly fainted. The understudy had to perform in her place. Which was the girl he’d wanted to go to prom with anyway. Gorgeous long red hair, and what a figure. Anyway. She was so excited that Yohji ‘fixed’ it that she got to play Juliet that she was glued to him after that. Started talking about going steady and more. Yohji was _not_ going steady material at the time. He got so spooked trying to get away from her, he would’ve taken _me_ to the prom if it wouldn’t have totally killed his rep.’ Schu laughed

 

‘He ended up getting me to take her to the prom, while he took two other girls. He finally told her the whole wig thing had been my idea. Convinced her I was the mastermind, he couldn’t have come up with such a plan, it had all been my idea. Took me a whole semester to pawn her off. Fun semester though. She was very thankful. Clingy, but thankful.’ He chuckled, shaking his head.

         

Nagi watched Ran and Schuldig with his mouth slightly open. ‘Ran? Who’s this?’

 

‘oh Nagi,’ Ran laughed and gestured to Schuldig. ‘I brought him here to see the guys for a short bit. This is Schuldig, WEISS’ old part time manager, and Yohji’s best friend since, what? ‘ he turned to Schuldig “6th?’ he nodded, ‘6th grade. This guy has all Yohji’s secrets.’ Ran smirked.

 

Nagi grinned, ‘nice to meet you Schuldig. I’m Nagi, band gopher extraordinaire.’ He shook Schuldig’s hand firmly. ‘the guys are about due for a break, want me to buzz them?’

 

‘no Nagi, Schuldig wanted to surprise Yohji and see a bit of the band in session. If we can, we’ll head on back. We’re not staying long, we have an appointment later.’

 

They headed down the hall. They were in luck, the guys had just started a new song right before they entered the viewing room, so Schuldig got to observe for a bit. This song was a ballad, a passionate song with a crescending swell leading into the chorus. Yohji sang with his eyes closed, clearly lost in the music, his voice caressing the words. As the duet chorus with Jei faded and Ken began his solo, Yohji opened his eyes. He smiled a small smile, his eyes sparkling, and waved.

 

As the song wrapped, Yohji waved them in. ‘hey Schuldig. Any luck today finding a place?’

 

‘yeah, Ran and found a few really promising places. One I especially liked. We’re going to meet the realtor to get a full tour on that one in a little over an hour. I just wanted to drop by. Haven’t had the opportunity to watch you guys in action for a while. Online and videos don’t count.’

 

Yohji turned to the band. ‘Yuushi, you remember Schuldig.’

 

Yuushi stepped up. ‘Of course. Schuldig, it’s great to see you. What are you doing in LA?’

 

‘ah, Yuushi,’ Schuldig stepped forward to clasp his hand firmly. ‘yes, I have wanted to visit for some time. Thank you.’ He said fervently, ‘thank you for being such a friend to Yohji. It was good to know someone level headed was there to keep Romeo here grounded.’ He grinned.

 

‘Romeo huh?’ Ken’s deep voice piped up he laughed, ‘of course, that tendency has been nipped in the bud now, hm Ran? Good to see ya Schuldi.’ He shook Schuldig’s hand.

 

‘hey man!’ Omi waved, ‘nice to see ya Schuldig. Yohji mentioned something about blackmail material being exchanged? Bet you’re having fun dishing up the dirt. Whatta ya got handy? Spill.’

 

Nagi came through the door just as Omi’s voice trailed off. ‘yeah Schuldig, tell them that Romeo story you and Ran were talking about when you came in. that sounded like classic Yohji.’

 

‘Romeo story?’ Jei turned to Schuldig ‘Suzanne?’ he asked, eyebrows raised.

 

Yohji growled, ‘You sure you wanna get into the details of that scenario Schu? I seem to recall a certain broom closet incident’-

 

‘ah!’ Schuldig started, glancing at his watch, ‘look at the time. Ran, surely we should go. Don’t want to keep the realtor waiting…’

 

‘relax man!’ Yohji laughed. ‘I’ll tell the youngsters after you’re gone.’ Schuldig’s eyes widened. ‘you wouldn’t,’ he gasped, then groaned, ‘yes…you would.’ He sighed. ‘hmmm, just remember Yohji, I’m with Ran ALL day. Sure you wanna open this can up?’ he grinned

 

‘ok – ok, I surrender.’ Yohji laughed. ‘So, what? You guys just stopped by for a few minutes, really? Well, let’s take five guys, water break.’ He turned, ‘Ran? Did you show Schuldig MY painting?’

 

‘oh! No, Yohji, we were talking when we came in and just came down the hall, I didn’t think of it.’

 

‘c’mon Schuldig, you have to see this.’ Yohji dragged Schuldig down the hall back to the lobby. ‘Manx got some good shots Babe,’ he called back to Ran. ‘they emailed them, I’ll show you at home. We were talking this morning and we wanna time the press release of the upcoming album cover and time it to just before your gallery showing. Spark some interest you know? Then we thought we’d do a video of the title track a little after. By then, we should have the rest of the songs together, let the video and Temptation posters float around a bit then we’ll release the album.’ As he finished speaking, Yohji turned back toward Schuldig, just in time to avoid colliding with his back as Schuldig had come to a sudden standstill.

 

‘oh my,’ he breathed, ‘Ran, that’s, that’s just really……incredible.’ He turned to Ran, ‘really. I had no idea…. Ran.’ He turned back, slowly walking forward, mesmerized. ‘it’s beautiful.’ He whispered.

 

‘yeah,’ Nagi chuckled. ‘that’s pretty much everyone’s first reaction. You shoulda seen the photographer’s face yesterday.’ He laughed.

 

‘I can imagine,’ Schuldig murmured. He looked again at Ran, ‘really Ran, incredible. This is an album cover Yohji?’

 

‘well, it wasn’t painted to be one, but it was so perfect, when he gave it to us, we asked and he said it’d be OK – we’re gonna look over fonts and stuff tonight, plus, the guy took some single shots of the small pics too, Jei, Manx and the label guys were thinking about merchandising, t-shirts, posters.... gotta capitalize on the frenzy while we’re at the top.’

 

He smiled. ‘that can change so fast, you know. I’ll email you Schu, so you can show Brad.’ He tilted his head. ‘hey! – when you guys get settled in your place we should have a welcome to LA party. We haven’t christened the loft yet, not really, let’s plan a shindig.’ he said turning back to the band. ‘what do you guys say? A party sound like fun? Hmm, if you’re moving here in like six weeks, that’s right at Christmas. Very busy time... Too much too fast maybe. January, February?’ his eyes lit up, ‘I know! We’ll celebrate Ran’s birthday!’ He turned to Nagi, ‘kid, can you coordinate with everyone, pot luck and shit?’

 

‘sure Yohji,’ Nagi smiled. ‘I’ll check the band calendar and get a few prospective dates around then, and send out an email to everyone tomorrow – Schuldig, leave your email before you go, ok?’

 

‘hey kid’ Yohji looked at him, ‘that means you too you know.’ He turned back to Schuldig, the kid’s great, he’ll set it all up.’

 

Ran spoke up. ‘well Schuldig, we should probably head out, don’t wanna keep the realtor waiting.’

 

‘oh!. Yes, of course Ran.’ Schuldig turned, clasping Yohji’s forearm. ‘it was nice to get to see you in your element again Yohji. Good memories. Nice to see all of you guys again, really’

 

He turned to Nagi, ‘take care of these guys, make them eat once in a while. I know they get.’ He rolled his eyes at Yohji. He scribbled his email on a post it for Nagi while the others laughed.

 

Ran leaned over taking Yohji in his arms from behind. He leaned in breathing into Yohji’s hair, eliciting a delicious shiver ‘see you tonight lover,’ he breathed against Yohji’s ear, then trailed his tongue over the outer edge and down Yohji’s neck. ‘Have a good afternoon.’ He stepped back, trailing his fingers through Yohji’s hair.

 

Yohji shook himself and turned quickly, grabbing Ran before he could step away. He cupped Ran’s face between his hands, fingers entwined in those dangling eartais, leaning in for a deep kiss. ‘mmmm-yes’ he breathed against Ran’s mouth ‘tonight’ he stepped back, ‘now,’ he growled, ‘get out of here so I can focus.’

 

‘yes!’ Yuushi barked. ‘please go, or he’ll never get back on track,’ he grinned, ‘do you know how long it takes to clear the fog that is Ran from that idiot’s head in the mornings?’

 

He turned to Ran, ‘seriously man, it’s like you’re a drug or something. I think we need to limit his dosage.’ He laughed.

 

Yohji started to growl, ‘Yu,’

 

‘kidding Yohji, kidding. Get a quick fix and let’s get back at it.’ He turned to Schuldig, ‘nice to see you again Schuldig, look forward to you moving to sunny LA and the party.’ He turned down the hall.

 

Jei spoke up, ‘Yu’s right Yohji, let’s go. Say goodbye to Ran, you’re busy.’ He followed Ken down the hall.

 

Ran turned to Yohji, ‘I hope I’m not causing any conflict Yohji, we just wanted to stop by. I should have considered the interruption, especially after Monday….’

 

‘no baby, it’s OK. They’re just teasing, really.’ He took Ran in his arms. ‘they’re just jealous that’s all, we were about to break anyway. But, I do need to get back to work, and it _is_ hard to focus when you’re close,’ he leaned in, breathing deeply of Ran’s hair, nipping at his neck, ‘you intoxicate me-‘

 

Suddenly, Yohji froze, then he leaned back with his mouth partly open, his eyes slightly unfocused, head tilted.

 

‘oh man,’ Schuldig spoke up, ‘I know that look.’

 

‘what?’ Ran asked, turning to Schuldig, then back to Yohji. ‘Yohji?’

 

‘don’t’ bother Ran.’ Schuldig spoke up. ‘he’s gonna be out of it for a bit. Likely off and on this afternoon, they’ll be lucky to get any more songs done today.’

 

Schuldig cleared his throat, ‘that glazed look there is the result of those rusty gears turning in that incredible mind of our dear Yohji. Something you said, or did, something, has triggered an errant thought and he’s composing a masterpiece. I take it he hasn’t done much writing since you’ve been together?’ Schuldig tilted his head. ‘I know he wrote a song or two while you were dating before, but not many, if I recall right. He hasn’t written since your reunion?’

 

‘Jei has written most of their songs as far as I know. He helps with arrangements and such, but no, I can’t say he has written any of their new songs. He may have written some on the old album, but those were done by the time we’d reunited.’

 

Yohji was still standing, head tilted and slightly back, eyes now closed, lips barely moving, and his left hand tapping against his thigh. Omi and Nagi had stopped talking together at the other end of the counter and were watching with interest. Yohji was oblivious.

 

‘watch,’ Schuldig murmured. He leaned over the counter, grapping a notepad and pen. He leaned in closer to Yohji. Quietly he spoke, ‘Yohji, I can’t quite hear you, speak up a bit.’

 

Yohji stopped a moment. His eyes briefly focused on Schuldig, ‘Schu? You got paper? Oh!, man, thanks….here – get this’ his head tilted and he began to sing quietly for all the world as though he and Schuldig were the only people in the room.

 

Schuldig wrote quickly, focused on Yohji who still seemed to almost be in a daze, eyes unfocused, staring at something only he could see, fingers obviously playing a guitar that wasn’t there.

 

The others in the room were watching, transfixed. They couldn’t quite catch the lyrics, Yohji was quiet, Schuldig close by. But they could hear the melody, alternating between harsh and haunting. After a few minutes, Yohji seemed to come to himself. His eyes searched and found Schuldig. ‘Schu? You get it? Make sense?’

 

‘yes Yohji, I got it. It’s good. Really good. Yohji, you know I can’t get the music written. Wanna record it real quick while it’s fresh to keep it in your head, or you think it’s ok?’

 

‘no man, I’m good. I got it, right here’ he tapped his temple. ‘let me see’ he took the notepad, skimming the page. ‘yeah, maybe this part,’ he made some notes, underlining some passages, quickly altering others. ‘this looks good here…..’ his voice trailed off as he seemed to realize he wasn’t alone. He stopped, looking around sheepishly. He chuckled, ‘sorry guys, umm… it just came over me. I had to catch it while it was hot.’ He looked around. ‘where’s Jei?’

 

‘he went back before your epiphany.’ Ran’s deep voice filled the room, rich, loving, amused.

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji swung around, ‘baby! I’m sorry! I kinda, I just…spaced out there. Do… would…. do you mind if I? ‘ he stopped and took a breath ‘I gotta go over this with Jei, I’ll show you later at home ok?”

 

Ran laughed, grabbed Yohji in a quick kiss and shoved him toward the hallway. ‘it’s ok lover, get back there, I’ll see you tonight.’ He steered Schuldig toward the door, turning to Nagi and Omi. ‘don’t let him stay too late, ok guys? We’ll see you guys later – I’ll leave the studio alone for a while.’ He grinned ‘I’ll email you Nagi’ he called as he and Schuldig left.

 

Shortly outside the door, Ran turned to Schuldig. ‘I take it that’s happened a few times, hmm?’

 

‘a few,’ Schuldig acknowledged, ‘but not as much as you might think from that display in there. It’s just, we were best friends for a long, long time. And long before he could consider being a singer, music was his passion. These ‘flash songs’ as I think of them, would just come on him. First they were poems. And back then he’d kill before he’d admit to anyone he wrote poetry. But someone would say something, or he’d see something and suddenly he’d be furiously scribbling. It took a while before he’d read them to me, and a little longer before I figured out he was writing it all I one shot.

 

Finally he talked to me about it. He said he’d get whatever trigger it was, and it’s like it’d just come to him, complete almost, and it was like he could just read it from his mind. Everything just flowed, clicked perfectly, from whatever idea set it off. Finally it evolved from poems to music. I’m glad I was there, it’s been a long time.’

 

Schuldig turned to look at Ran. ‘I’ve missed him Ran. More than I realized. He looks so happy. I’m glad everything is so right. He’s deserved to be happy for so long. And he really, really loves you.’ He smiled, ‘so, where are we to meet this realtor?’

 

Ran checked his PDA and looked steadily at Schuldig. ‘it’s this way.’ They turned the corner, ‘He’s missed you too Schu. More than he wanted to let me know. I’m glad you’re coming here. It will be good for him. I love him too Schuldig, so much sometimes it – so much. I’m glad he’s happy, we’re happy. Things are good. Come on, let’s hurry. I know you really liked this place.’ They hurried on their way.

 

Yohji turned to Omi with a far away look, one hand on the back of his head. ‘sorry man. Haven’t had that happen in a while. Let’s go bug Jei and Ken, huh?’

 

‘yeah man! Sure. I’d love to hear it, what I caught was interesting. Let me see, is it ok to look at the lyrics?’

 

‘sure! I need your guys’ input. I’ll need a guitar though, to show you.’ His face lit up, growing more animated, c’mon, let me show you.’ He led Omi down the hall calling out, ‘Ken! Man, can I borrow your axe for a second?!’

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

 

Schuldig lay on the bed in his robe, a towel around his shoulders, his hair still damp, phone cradled against his shoulder as he typed. ‘so, which do you think you like best love?’ he asked

 

‘hmmm,’ a deep voice mused across the phone line, ‘I think I like the one with the atrium, the sky light one? That one or the one on Beach Blvd. Tell me, which did you like best? Are we on the same page?’

 

Schuldig laughed, ‘yes we are. The atrium is my favorite one too.’ Schuldig sighed, I can’t wait until you get here tomorrow Brad. I wish you didn’t have that meeting in the morning. I …I miss you. Yohji and Ran have been very generous this week, but,’ his voice roughened, ‘watching them together these last few days, while you’re so far away, has really been rough. They adore each other, they touch all the time, I don’t think they’re even aware of it sometimes. It’s like they’re drawn to each other.’

 

He cleared his throat, ‘anyway. We have appointments tomorrow afternoon for both the atrium and Beach Blvd units, and the white condo unit too, just in case. It’ll be one of those for sure. Now, about the furniture, I know we agreed to keep some on both, but-‘

 

‘Schuldig’ Brad’s musical voice cut in, ‘stop’

 

‘what hun? What’s wrong?’ Schuldig asked, puzzled.

 

‘I don’t care about the furniture right now Schu. It has been too long. Too long since I’ve held you, touched you. I need you Schuldig. I don’t _want_ to wait until tomorrow. I need you now.’

 

His voice dropped to a growl. ‘Schuldig, I need you. I need your voice, your touch.’ Schuldig heard him take a deep breath. ‘are you alone?’

 

‘yes’ Schuldig’s breathy voice replied, he was trembling. ‘I’m alone Brad,’ he took took a deep breath. ‘Ran and Yohji are out. I wasn’t scheduled to be home from tonight’s session for another two hours, but it ended early. I…I need you too Brad, I’ve missed you. It’s been so long’ his voice dropped to a moan at the last.

 

‘turn on the webcam Schuldig,’ Brad’s voice was hoarse, ‘let me see you’

 

‘hold on a sec.’ Schuldig got up and quietly locked the door, just in case. He situated the laptop for comfort on the bedside table and activated the camera. Brad’s face filled the screen. ‘hey Babe,’ he smiled and slowly licked his lips. ‘you look tired, Schu, but so beautiful. I missed looking into your eyes, you soothe me baby, make everything so good. All my stress, worries, frustration over work or traffic or whatever just drown in those beautiful green depths.’

 

Schuldig smiled, ‘well, if I look tired it’s because I haven’t’ slept as well this week. I seem to have some unrelieved tension.’ His smile widened, and his eyes darkened. His voice rough he asked, ‘think you can help me with that?’

 

‘Schuldig’ Brad’s voice was breathless, ‘Schuldig, I want to touch you. I need to touch you.’ His voice deepened, almost a growl now. He closed his eyes a moment. ’24 hours. Only 24 hours until I can hold you’ he opened his eyes and smiled a predatory smile at Schuldig. ‘be my hands baby, lay back. Close your eyes and let me touch you.’

 

‘yes’ Schuldig moaned, tilting his head back, only to look back up swiftly, ‘but only if I get to return the favor Brad.’

 

‘of course, but my idea, my turn first. Lay back and close your eyes baby. Be my hands.’ Schuldig reached over to the bedside table, grabbing something from the drawer, then scooted down, getting comfortable, head cradled in the pillows, positioning in full view of the camera.

 

He closed his eyes. Robe slightly open at the thigh, he was a beautiful sight. Toned, muscled legs, just a hint of inner thigh showing. Brad liked his lips and leaned slightly closer. ‘ok baby,’ he breathed, voice deep, sultry, ‘I reach forward, and run my fingers through your beautiful hair, tracing behind your ear, down your neck,, and down to the lapels of your robe’

 

Schuldig shuddered delicately at the first soft touch. ‘ooh yeah, I reach one hand inside you robe, caressing over your chest, firm tone muscle under my hands. I run my hand over your shoulder, across and down, flicking over your nipple, the other hand tracing over your neck.’

 

Schuldig was slightly panting now, his fingertips tracing over his skin, his head back on the pillow. His legs had fallen slightly open allowing a swollen, beautiful cock to just peak between the folds of the robe.

 

Brad watched avidly, letting a moan escape his throat. ‘yeah baby, you are so perfect. I reach down and untie your robe, letting it fall open so I can see you. I push it off your shoulders and run my palms over your pecs, pressing so you feel the heat. I run my palms over your nipples, not twisting, just caressing, I reach up and lick each palm, rubbing them back across your nipples. Oh dam Schuldig,’ he moaned throatily as Schuldig traced his tongue over each hand, wetting the fingers and palms.

 

Brad took a deep breath. ‘I run my wet palms over your nipples, down your tight abs, back up, teasing over your nipples again. I take them in my fingers, pulling, twisting lightly.’ Schuldig moaned, stretching as though searching for more.

 

‘yes baby’ Brad moaned, ‘yes. I pinch you harder, pulling just how you like it, wetting the fingers of one hand, keeping the other busy, then switching. I trace one hand down your belly in that crease between your abs, swirling around your belly button. I trace down, just teasing around your balls, that crease of your groin, almost touching your cock.’

 

Schuldig had started panting lightly, his hips slightly rocking, his head back, jaw clenched as he breathed through clenched teeth. His cock at full attention, begging to be touched. Brad took pity on him, ‘I trace my palms over your beautiful cock, just tracing, not gripping, but rubbing, pushing you into your own belly, up……… down………. up……. down……’

 

‘Brad! Please!’ Schuldig’s voice rasped,

 

‘yes Schuldig, OK babe. I take you in my fist with one hand, slowly baby, slowly pulling. Reach down baby, right next to your left hip, the lube bottle is right there, flip the top , there you go.’

 

He watched as Schuldig drizzled lube onto his cock while pumping oh so slowly, slicking the length. He let the bottle fall from his hand, taking the sheets into his fist as his hips canted upward, ‘Brad, oh gods,’ Schuldig panted, he moaned deep in his throat as his thrusts grew more obvious, ‘baby, I’m….hurry’ he gasped

 

‘I reach up with my other hand and rub over your slit while my fist tightens, pumping faster...., harder...., STOP!’

 

Schuldig froze, trembling with need, ‘ I squeeze you tight keeping my palm against your head, no pulling, no movement, just squeeze, then release, and again…..squeeze, and release…. Now I push harder against the slit, and start to pump you, pulling baby, then _pushing_ back down, pulling, _pushing,_ faster, harder – oh Schuldig, gods you’re so….’

 

‘Brad hurry, please Brad, please’ Schuldig panted ‘oh please’ he whimpered,. ‘Brad! He called, ‘it doesn’t matter, Brad. I’m…..i’m gonna,,,,,,’

 

‘yes Schuldig, yes, cum for me baby, erupt for me, all over me.’ And he did. Hips thrusting upward, erratic, lost to all but the sensation of his own tight fist and pushing palm, He froze for a moment, ‘Brad!’

 

That throaty moan of his name shot straight to Brad’s cock. He was rock hard watching Schuldig arch upward, then thrust a few more fast times into his fist, his heels digging into the mattress, then finally falling back to the bed, pulling on himself, hips rolling, milking the last of his seed from himself, seed that now covered his hand and belly. ‘Brad’ breathless, Schuldig opened his eyes to see Brad watching avidly, face close to the screen, ‘10 days Brad, 10 days. Gods, so long….never so long again.’

 

‘I love you Schuldig’ Brad said, ‘I love to watch you cum, even from hundreds of miles away. I am so hard right now, if you breathed on me I’d cum in an instant.’

 

‘hmm, well then,’ Schuldig purred, ‘we’ll just have to wait a bit and let some of that ease off…. I don’t want you to explode that quickly – I wanna play too.’

 

He smiled languidly at Brad. ‘that was….amazing. incredible. We are going to have to try this again, but no long distance. I want you in the bed right there next to me next time. Then, just before I cum, I want you to take me…..i wish I could feel you inside me right now Brad.’ Schuldig’s eyes smoldered as he heard Brad moan.

 

He raised up, taking the towel from around his neck, cleaning himself up. ‘my turn now Brad, I want to taste you, touch you, watch you.’ He sat up, readjusting the laptop, ‘strip for me gorgeous, lay out and let me look at you.’

 

Brad obliged. Quickly undressing, grabbing the lube from the headboard and stretching out on the bed. ‘oh, is that the warming lube?’ Schuldig asked, ‘perfect baby, just what I was hoping for. Lay back, put a little on each hand and keep it close just in case. Ok, close your eyes for me baby….just…feel.’

 

Brad rubbed some gel into each palm and over his fingers, then lay back – his cock still standing straight up. He’d almost cum before just watching Schuldig. He knew this wouldn’t last as long as it could. It’d taken all he had not to fist himself as he’d watched Schuldig explode.

 

’Schuldig,’ he breathed, ‘I am so close already – tease me tomorrow. Make me cum lover, but don’t’ take too long.’ He was panting as he waited for Schuldig’s instruction.

 

‘it’s ok baby, I wont tease too long. Ok, I’m with you, there. I lean in, running my tongue over your nipples, nipping, licking,’ he watched as Brad’s fingers pinched and pulled his own nipples, harder maybe then Schuldig had intended, but he could see the precum leaking from Brad’s cock, he was so ready.

 

’I trace down your belly, and engulf your cock in my mouth, sucking, hard, then pushing down to throat you, taking so much of you in my mouth. Both hands baby, your whole length….yes, reach one hand down a little to your sac. Yes I trace my tongue over where your cock meets your balls, I reach down and take one of your balls in my mouth, don’t squeeze, just cup it.’

 

Brad moaned deeply, his hips thrust upward as his hot hand cupped his balls, surrounding first one, then the other, the sac growing tighter and harder. ‘gods Schuldig! Unh! Damn’ he panted, ‘Schuldig, I’m gonna cum soon, let me cum baby, hurry!’

 

’yes!’ pump it for me, I suck on you, hard, bobbing my head, swirling my tongue over your slit, my hot mouth running up and down your shaft. Fuck my mouth Brad, yes, baby, I suck you so hard, faster, deeper…..damn! I flip around Brad, and slide down over your length, squeeze tighter baby, I’m straddling you, riding you, yes, you’re so big, you fill me so good baby. Fuck me, please. Brad! Fill me! Brad.’

 

Schuldig chanted his name, just as he did when Brad took him, ‘harder, deeper, faster Brad faster, tighter’ he watched as Brad jerked harder and harder, faster, his hips thrusting up with his own rhythm,

 

‘Schuldig Schu! Fuck!’ hehissed, one hand slapped down against the mattress, fisting in the blanket as Brad arched like a bowstring, thrusting his hips up almost completely off the bed. ‘Schuldig!’ his hand came back up to fist around his cock as he started to cum, both hands, squeezing, pumping furiously, ‘Schul..dig, Schu.. ah! He flipped over, thrusting into the mattress for a moment, needing that extra friction, that feel of something pushing back against him. His head turned to one side, he continued to chant Schuldig’s name as he drew the orgasm out.

 

Finally, his thrusts slowed, tapering off. He eased down, still holding himself, squeezing, lightly pulling. He let go and turned on his side so he could see the computer. ‘Schuldig. That was….that was… damn!’ he panted, ‘I need you still baby. If we don’t’ stop this I am gonna get hard again, and waste all that release.’

 

He smiled at Schuldig. He slowly rolled completely back over, reaching down the side of the bed for a damp towel there to clean up. (he’d been prepared for this Schuldig thought, the brat) Brad leaned a little closer to the screen. ‘I love you Schuldig’

 

‘I love you too Brad. Get some sleep. Do well at your meeting tomorrow and I’ll be there at the airport when you get off the plane. Tomorrow you can teach me how to cum silently here in Yohji’s lovely loft with the _very_ thin walls as we listen to Ran try to do the same thing.’

 

He grinned at Brad. ‘sleep well baby’ he leaned over shutting down the computer.

 

The screen went blank and Schuldig lay back, pulling his blanket up around himself. He was semi hard again from watching Brad lose it. He just held himself, as he drifted off to sleep, imagining Brad there with him....

 


	17. Chapter 17

** CHAPTER 17 **

 

Masato

 

Schuldig and Bradley finalized the paperwork for their beach townhome, with the move-in scheduled for five weeks later. They would arrive Christmas week, and planned to be settled into their new home just at the New Year.

 

Schu and Brad promised to return for the long Thanksgiving weekend, and plans were made for Yohji and Ran to assist with the move in and all the shopping, etc. that would entail.

 

Schu was adamant that they retain a few pieces of furniture, but most of it would be sold, with them buying replacement furniture here in LA. Schu wondered at their smaller wares, not wanting to try to drive cross country, especially in the dead of winter, but Brad insisted they would be able to have everything boxed and relocated via freight shipping. New World had provided him with a sizeable moving allowance. Yohji could barely contain his excitement at ‘helping’ them shop for everything.

 

The four drove to the seafood grill Yohji was so fond of, discussing plans for the upcoming holidays and get-togethers. It was late on a Saturday afternoon – the night crowd wasn’t evident yet. Still, a small group of paparazzi were camped out near the entrance hoping for a glimpse of a celebrity – anyone they could prey on, any recognizable person. Yohji growled as they turned into the parking lot in the sedan Schu’d rented, ‘Ran, tell me again why we are here.’

 

‘You know you really liked this place’ Ran answered, ‘we talked about this. You wanted to show Schuldig. Come on, it won’t be so bad. There are only a few of them, you’re not on your bike, and it’s a Saturday afternoon. Maybe they won’t recognize you.’

 

Yohji snorted inelegantly, ‘ok Babe, whatever you say. But again, no hiding, but no interviews either.’ He turned to the others and smiled, ‘Schu, you are gonna love this place, they have the best crab cakes. Just amazing. I know you’re gonna flip.’

 

He was smiling as they climbed out of the car. In the brightness of the afternoon sun, Yohji’s golden hair shone, and catching it from the corner of his eye Ran began to rethink the ‘not noticing.’ He turned to Yohji to suggest he walk under the shaded area to the entrance, but realized it was too late. The crowd was already headed toward them, having spotted that honey gold, silken mane, not to mention Ran’s own eye-catching red silk, shining in the sunlight, along with Yohji’s tall, lithe physique, especially delicious in his new leather jacket.

           

‘Yohji!’ they called out,

 

‘Yohji!, when’s WEISS’s next album?’

 

‘Yohji! Gonna comment on the upcoming press release?’

 

‘Yohji! Where’s your hog man? Flying under the radar?’

 

‘Yohji! Who are your friends? How ‘bout a picture?’

 

‘c’mon Yohji! – just one pic man!’

 

Yohji glanced at Ran, then ran his hands through his hair and rubbed them down over his face. ‘alright you guys, OK. A couple of shots, then back off – k?’ he reached over, pulling Ran closer, then gestured toward Schuldig and Bradley. ‘Friends of mine, in town on business.’ He pulled Ran in tighter, ‘mine’ he growled into Ran’s ear with a smile.

 

Ran stumbled a little, slightly startled at the possessive growl, and fell into Yohji’s side. Yohji again pulled him closer, stopping to allow Ran to center himself, and turned back to the snapping lenses. ‘ok guys, enough. Give it a rest and let us eat, huh?’

 

‘c’mon Yohji, give us a statement!’

 

Yohji sighed, ‘look. Jei’s already scheduled a press conference about the album, give me a break. My friends aren’t here long. I really like this place and wanna show them a good time. Cut me some slack and let us eat in peace.’

 

He turned to walk toward the entrance again but was blocked by another photog focusing on him and Ran exclusively, shutter clicking madly as he framed them alone. His focus more obviously on Yohji’s hand on Ran’s waist, Ran’s on Yohji’s shoulder. ‘enough!’ Yohji said, growling, growing frustrated, ‘just back off!’

 

‘Yohji, if I may?’ Bradley’s calm tenor cut into the growing chaos. All heads turned to him – ‘gentlemen, I would venture to guess that neither this establishment, nor your respective employers, would be pleased to learn you are the responsible parties for the boycott of their businesses and magazines.’

 

‘boycott?’ one photographer piped up, ‘what boycott?’

 

‘well, yes,’ Schuldig drawled, catching on quickly. ‘Imagine when I interview with the local news, or ET, or whatever, as Yohji’s childhood friend, and make sure to stress that anyone who is a celebrity of any stature should absolutely avoid this place because the owner is obviously in some sort of deal with the lot of you for publicity....’

 

Brad smiled, darkly, glaring over the tops of his glasses, ‘And that fans should boycott certain publications because they encourage their photographers to harass musicians. You’re each wearing badges that identify your publications. I’m certain I can create a comprehensive list for the interview. I’m sure that WEISS’s rabid fans would protest, some may actually stop buying, at least for a while. Maybe not for _too_ long, they are rabid after all. But even for a few months it could impact profits. And that’s bound to result in the publications buying less from you lot, I’m guessing. At least for a bit.’

 

Schuldig turned his polite, but _cold, hard_ smile on each man. ‘what do you think? Think you can back off and let people eat? Maybe write about how much Yohji enjoys this place? Or shall I persuade Yohji to engineer an interview? Hmm?’

 

Sheepishly the group began to back off, mumbling. One lagged behind a bit. His ID tag read ‘freelance – rocker gallery – new times’ ‘so, childhood friend huh?’ he pulled a card from his breast pocket. ‘I know people who’d pay well for that interview.’ He pressed his card into Schuldig’s hand, ‘call me sometime and we’ll talk’

 

The guys broke away, entering the restaurant.

 

Having investigated the small crowd gathering, and overhearing the end of the conversation, a seeming employee, a stunning man with shoulder length walnut hair, and a seeming permanent five o’clock shadow framing a classically strong jaw, came forward. Dressed in a snug, charcoal grey ribbed shirt and a black denim jacket over black well fitting Dockers, he cut quite the figure as he approached.

 

‘Gentlemen, please accept my apologies.’ His rich voice cut in, ‘I tried to get them to stay across the street, but as the authorities insist they can gather since the parking area is public property I really don’t have much luck. I am the owner, please let me -’

 

‘it’s ok, not your fault,’ Yohji started.

 

Brad stepped in, ‘I assure you sir, I had no intention of really bringing your eatery into the confrontation, nor any necessary interview. I am certain you don’t encourage that lot – bad for business – but you may want to invest in crowd control or valet parking or something.’

 

He smiled, ‘When it gets out that this is a favorite haunt of Yohji’s, and Rook’s too,’ he nodded at Ran. ‘they’re bound to catch onto that soon enough,’ he muttered under his breath, ‘your customer base may increase.’

 

Schuldig smiled as the man’s jaw slowly fell open, dropping the unlit cigarette he’d held at the corner of his lips, eyes widening, but the blurted: ‘Rook? The painter?’ , earned a surprised start from the group.

 

The man looked at Ran more closely,. ‘oh man! You are Rook? And…. Yohji, ….. Yohji, hmmm….. why does that name seem familiar?’ He mused to himelf, looking at the floor…..’I know I’ve heard that name….’

 

‘WEISS?’ Schuldig put in, ‘a rock band?’

 

‘oh!’ the owner’s eyes flew up, ‘huh!, I’ve heard WEISS on the radio. They really rock. One of you is with WEISS?’ His eyes narrowed, just briefly, as the group laughed.

 

Schuldig’s amused voice chimed in, ‘Tall and lanky here is Yohji, lead singer of the currently popular band WEISS. Don’t you recognize the shades and hair?’

 

‘oh, please, forgive me,’ the man murmured, ‘I don’t watch TV. I listen to the radio while working, but seldom watch television, and have no use for magazines, especially not when it means funding that lot,’ He jerked his thumb over a shoulder. ‘Yohji is it? Well, I’m very flattered. Please allow me to make this up to you. Today’s meal is on the house for you and your friends.’

 

He turned again to Ran, ‘Rook, really?’ He seemed.... thoughtful, almost surprised.

 

Ran nodded.

 

‘I have some of your pieces,’ the man elaborated.

 

‘really?’ Ran’s eyes widened. He’d only had the one gallery showing in New York. He’d sold nothing on the west coast yet.

 

‘yes, though... honestly, I had no idea.’ His voice trailed off, thoughtfully, as he stared at Ran more intently.

 

‘Here – please follow me, you gentlemen can dine in the back room.’ He led the group through the dining area to the enclosed area in the back.

 

Yohji spoke up, ‘you don’t have to comp the meal, man, really, those guys are a pain wherever we go, this group was actually pretty tame.’

 

‘no, please, allow me’ the owner insisted. ‘besides, if your friend is right, and they print that you favor us, we may well profit nicely. Four meals is a rather inexpensive fare for such favorable advertising.’ He smiled and ushered them through the opening in the partition.

 

As they entered, all eyes were drawn to the back wall. There, in the far corner, on two opposite walls, were two paintings. On one wall was a breathtaking landscape long the lines of the savannah scene Yohji’d first seen when visitin Ran’s apartment for that first grand tour. Perspective from a clifftop, the view looked over a plain of trees and tall grass, almost swaying in the breeze, a brilliant sunset casting hues of purple and gold over the land.

 

Yohji instantly recognized the other one on the opposite wall from the gallery showing so long ago, the day of their reunion. It had been painted during the *dark time*, as Ran referred to those months.

 

It was a cityscape, a rooftop view of a city at night. There stood a redheaded figure, seen from behind as he was poised on the edge of the rooftop. At first glance, he was leaning over the city, arms thrown wide as though yearning to leap – but then, it became apparent he was being held back.

 

An ethereal figure, barely made out, a figure whose arms held him tightly began to materialize. When one noticed the ghostly outline, the perspective changed, rather than appearing to yearn to leap out into the night, the red head seemed to be leaning into the embrace of that figure. Almost as though he’d just been caught. There was the impression of a shoulder pillowed under his head, arms holding him tightly.

 

Then one noticed a halo of blonde hair billowing around the figure, and then the smoldering, yet somehow soft, emerald eyes just above the redhead’s hair, eyes possessively looking down over that bowed head as lips were pressed there. The redhead’s arms, at first seeming thrown wide in preparation of flight, now seemed to be coming down as though the scene had been caught the instant before they embraced the other.

 

‘My, Ran’ Schuldig breathed reverently, ‘every time I see your work I am astounded afresh.’

 

‘really,’ Bradley put in, ‘you are a very talented man Ran.’ He shook his head.

 

‘Ran?’ the owner’s curious, yet thoughtful voice cut in. ‘your name _is_ Ran? As in Ran from Krittiker Music?’

 

Eyes wide, Yohji and Ran turned toward the man. Trepidation running up his spine, voice cold, Ran answered, ‘yes, that’s me….why? it’s been years since I left Krittiker. There’s no connection to Rook.’

 

‘oh, I know! It’s ok, I had no idea Rook was Ran. I did not mean to bring up any ... unpleasantness,’ the man tilted his head, studying Ran, ‘you’re different, you look more…..open, happy…. I didn’t recognize you at first. I would never have guessed-‘

 

‘Recognized?’ Yohji’s voice cut in, possessive tenor obvious. He subtly placed himself between the man and Ran. ‘what do you mean recognized? you know Ran?’

 

‘well, no, I don’t know you, but I often saw you. Though I doubt you ever saw me at all. And the last time I saw you, **happiness** was far, far from you. I had no idea you were Rook, real-‘

 

‘wait,’ Yohji’s scowl cut him off, ‘before we get into that, explain the other part. What last time? What do you mean?’ Yohji had crossed both arms over his chest, and now more obviously stepped in front of Ran.

 

Ran placed his hand on Yohji’s shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. ‘Yohji, wait, let’s find ou-‘

 

‘Yohji!’ the man barked, causing them all to jump. ‘that’s why the name was familiar. Ran’s Yohji, Yohji Kudoh!’

 

This time it was Ran suddenly protectively in front of Yohji, glaring coldly. ‘how do you know me and that name together?’ he growled, grabbing the man’s jacket lapels. ‘explain, now!’ he shook the man lightly, face darkening.

 

Yohji grabbed Ran’s forearm. ‘ok babe, calm down. Let’s hear this out, ok?’

 

Ran turned his head toward Yohji, but did not lessen his grip, ‘you don’t understand Yohji,’ he said, ‘he said Ran’s Yohji, Yohji KUDOH. And he knows me from Krittiker.’

 

He turned back to the now frozen man, a murderous scowl growing, ‘do you work for my father?’ he growled, low.

 

Yohji blinked, ‘you don’t thi-‘

 

‘I don’t know, Yohji, but I want to find out. Now.’ Ran glared at the man, ‘explain. And I mean right now.’

 

The man reached up, gripping both of Ran’s forearms and took a deep breath. ‘I did,’ he emphasized, ‘DID work for your father. A long time ago. I was a chef for him in his home. I saw you a few times, at his ordered **family events**, some meetings. The last time I saw you was the day I quit.’

 

He stopped, expectant. Ran slowly let go and took a step back. Running a hand through his hair he spoke, ‘ok, I’ll bite. You quit?’

 

‘yes, quit.’ The man took a deep breath and straightened his jacket. ‘shall we sit? I’d like to explain, in detail, and to thank you. Come. Let me order some drinks. Sit, decide on your meal choices and I’ll be right back.’

 

He turned and exited the area as the dazed group looked at each other.

 

‘well, Ran’ Bradley spoke, ‘things are never boring with you around at any rate.’ He chuckled. The others laughed a bit, the tension easing. ‘come on,’ Schuldig said, ‘let’s sit. Crab cakes you said Yohji?’

 

‘yeah Schu’ Yohji shook his head, ‘they really are incredible. You won’t believe-‘ he cut off as a young woman entered, carrying a tray of ice water. ‘what would you gentlemen like to drink?’ she asked. ‘Masato will be back in a moment.’

 

As the waitress returned with their drink orders, Masato returned as well. The group gave the woman their dinner orders, and she left. Masato seated himself at the end of the table, facing the group. Cocking his head to one side he asked, ‘anyone care if I light up?’ he gestured with a cigarette.

 

Yohji grinned and pulled out his own, ‘be our guest’ he exhaled, sitting back, but subtly closer to Ran, one hand resting on his thigh.

 

Masato lit his own smoke, taking a deep drag before he focused on Ran, ‘well,’ he said, ‘to explain…..’ He took another deep breath and locked eyes with Ran’s dark violet gaze. ‘I was your father’s chef, as I explained. I had seen you a few times, mostly in passing, or from the back of a room. The day I quit you’d come to meet your father and were seated outside.’

 

He lowered his eyes, looking at the table, playing with the water ring from the ice tea in front of him, flicking some ash into the glass ashtray. ‘I’d come out to go over some menu choices with your father for an upcoming event, I overheard a somewhat heated conversation. I realized you were arguing’

 

He looked up, ‘I should have gone back inside, but was afraid any movement would draw attention to my decidedly unwelcome presence. And surely I’d be fired for witnessing such a scene. You know how your father was…..’

 

He sighed, ‘anyway, I came out just as you answered, quite sharply I might add,’ his voice changed, roughened in mild imitation of Ran’s own, ‘ _no! absolutely not!’_

 

‘Needless to say, I was very curious to know what could have made you openly defy him in such a..... forceful way. I’d seen other confrontations between you before. Confrontations that **weren’t** really. He told you what to do, and you did it, period. Glaring maybe, frustrated often, but defiant? With one rather glaring exception, no, you didn’t defy him that I’d seen. I couldn’t imagine then what would make you speak to him in such a tone.’

 

Ran had gone pale, eyes wide. Yohji reached over and took his hand. ‘Ran? Babe? What’s wrong?’

 

‘Yohji’ Ran whispered, ‘this….’ He cleared his throat, ‘this has to be the day…’ he swallowed and looked at Yohji, unable to finish.

 

Yohji turned an angry glare on Masato. ‘OK. Spill.’ He barked, ‘what’s got him upset like this?’

 

I’m sorry, really’ Masato replied. ‘I never meant to upset you.’

 

Masato stopped a bit, watching Ran. ‘Though, given that other exception of defiance, in your father’s conference room, also concerned Yohji, I suppose I should have known what had set you off.’

 

He stared intently at Ran. ‘you are obviously happy with Yohji. I don’t know what followed that day, but you **are** happy now, right? ‘ He looked at their clasped hands and back to Ran’s face.

 

‘yes.’ Ran cleared his throat. ‘yes, we are happy, and we are together. That, that day…..that morning.......you quit? And haven’t been in contact with my father since? So, you don’t know any follow up?’

 

‘yes. I quit that day. Almost immediately after you left. I haven’t had any contact with your father since. I actually left the country for a time. I went to Greece and Europe, only returning to the states, what?......right at two years go now, I guess. I opened this place only about six months ago.’

 

He looked closely at Ran. ‘I remember your face when your father told you .... about Aya....., and when he threatened Yohji, I thought-‘

 

‘threatened Yohji? What-‘ Schuldig cut him off. ‘what do-‘

 

‘’s OK Schu. I’ll explain the whole thing later.’ Yohji turned to Ran, looking at him closely. ‘the betrothal?’ he asked.

 

‘yes.’ Ran answered, his eyes closing briefly, ‘it has to be the day my father ordered me to marry. At first, I resisted, fiercely. But then…. He told me Aya was .... gone. That’s when I caved, but ...” he sighed, “for good measure, he mentioned .......what a shame it would be if my.... stubbornness .... persisted, and.” He looked intently at Yohji, “you were in an ‘accident’ or worse. …..you know the rest.” He glanced at Schuldig, ‘you both do…’ his voice trailed off.

 

‘I don’t understand.’ Masato spoke up. ‘you married the girl, I saw the announcements ….yet, you are here?’ He looked at Yohji, obviously confused.

 

Ran sighed. ‘we divorced. Yohji and I reunited. It’s….it’s a long story.’

 

‘oh!’ Masato took a drag from his cigarette, ‘and private I am sure. You don’t have to explain.’

 

He looked up, ‘I am just happy for you both.’ he studied Yohji more closely, ‘I see,’ he murmured, glancing at the painting again. ‘I see. Obviously he influenced your work. I had no idea you were Rook. I am very glad everything worked out so well.’

 

He smiled, then frowned. ‘I quit that day after you left. I was…..very…..angry with your father. Of course, I didn’t explain the details of my decision, he wouldn’t have cared anyway. He never had any idea that it had anything to do with you. But…..it was because of you, and your conversation, that I left.’

 

He gazed at Ran a moment, then looked down at their hands on the table and sighed. ‘I ….. I was once…deeply in love.’

 

He looked up, focusing on Ran. ‘my love’s father, thought I was …..beneath her’

 

His voice hardened. “I was only a chef….she was the daughter of a man of some prominence. She would be a lawyer, or a politician, someone of status and influence. She needed a husband of equal stature. We defied him. We, we were so in love…..she told her father she was an adult and it wasn’t the 16th century, he couldn’t dictate whom she would marry.’

 

Masato sighed again, quietly. ‘she left one day after a particularly bitter argument. She called me from her cell as she drove. Upset, angry, sad…..she’d taken her bags. She was leaving and wanted to marry me as soon as we could get away….. but…. Her father’d followed. She was on the phone with me, I could hear the traffic around her…..’ Masato’s voiced dropped to a whispered rasp.

 

He stopped for a moment, took a long hit from his smoke, then cleared his throat and sat straighter.

 

He turned his gaze to Yohji. ‘her father tried to pass a truck to stay close to her car. In his haste, he overcorrected as he came back into his lane and went off onto the shoulder, where he stopped. Even in her anger, she loved him. Her father. She’d watched him in the mirror, and saw what happened, was worried…..her father’s blood pressure..... she told me he was going to go back, just to make sure he was alright.” He closed his eyes, clenched his jaw a moment, then “I guess, in her state, she didn’t look closely. Or maybe, the guy was just going too fast…..”

 

Schu’s sharp gasp was loud in the tense quiet of the room, ‘anyway,’ Masato went on, quietly ‘she was broadsided as she tried to turn around. A large delivery truck was coming that way. He was unable to stop….he hit Joan at 45 or so….she was killed on impact….I was …..was still on the phone.’ Yohji’s eyes widened in horror.

 

Masato took a deep breath. he looked intently at Ran again. ‘when your father threatened the one you loved…..The first time, you stood up, defied him, and seemed to come to ... a decision. You would live, love, and .... he seemed to back down. I thought, fathers and sons fight. Disagree about what is best. I didn’t know Yohji or anything about him. Maybe Persia did, and really wanted to protect your reputation, or Krittiker’s’

 

Ran snorted, followed by Yohji’s scoff, ‘please’

 

‘But, that morning......when he crushed your spirit, so.... completely.’ Masato sighed, ‘I didn’t know you, not really. I still knew nothing of who Yohji was, or anything. But, when you broke there, capitulated, I determined at that moment I would have nothing more to do with your father. I left that afternoon. I didn’t leave for Greece right away. Not until after your wedding took place. I felt….very badly. For you, and for your Yohji.’

 

He smiled warmly. ‘but now…I am so glad things worked so well in the end.’ he turned, grinning to Yohji, ‘and you are **the** Yohji of the hottest band in town right now, and one of MY favorites, WEISS. AND you like my restaurant. Life is good. I am very happy right now’

 

Schuldig laughed. ‘Yohji, you must plug this place yourself in your next appearance. To think, you had a secret fan for so long, one so secret HE didn’t even know who you were….and a fan of Rook’s from the early years.... all unknowing, just amazing’

 

Ran smiled warmly. ‘Masato, I would be honored to call you friend.’ He held out his hand

 

Masato started and stared a bit. ‘really?’ he asked, a somewhat dazed look going about the room. ‘friends huh?.... that, that would be…very nice. I would like that, very much.’

 

‘call me Ran.’ Ran told him, he turned. ‘this, as you so eloquently put it, is MY Yohji. Yohji Kudoh, of WEISS.’ Ran grinned. Yohji shook Masato’s hand, rolling his eyes,

 

‘A real pleasure. Honestly. And I DO like your joint. The crab cakes!’ Yohji sighed, ‘amazing.’ He smiled.

 

Ran smacked his shoulder, ‘ shameless. Stop hinting for goodies.’ He grinned again as he turned, ‘this is Schuldig, Yohji’s best friend since childhood, onetime almost manager of WEISS, soon moving to the area and, I am sure, a new regular customer. Another crab cake connoisseur.’

 

‘Masato.’ Schuldig shook his hand. ‘nice to meet you.’

 

‘and finally,’ Ran turned, placing his hand on Bradley’s shoulder. ‘this is Bradley. Schuldig’s Bradley.’ He stressed the ownership smiling. ‘architect extraordinaire. Now for New World Industries.’

 

‘nice to meet you Masato.’ Bradley smiled warmly. Just as the introductions were wrapping up, two waiters entered the room bearing trays of steaming, sizzling food.

 

‘alright!’ Yohji enthused. ‘I’m starving!’ everyone laughed.

 

‘Masato, I have a gallery opening coming soon. I’d love if you would attend. I could drop off some VIP passes tomorrow if you’d like.’ Ran said as they were served their meals.

 

‘Truly? That would be wonderful, Ran. Thank you. And, you gentlemen must come by often. There is a back entrance where the hounds cannot bother you. I’ll leave word with the staff for your admittance. Please use that entrance whenever you come. I’ll show you before you go this afternoon.’

 

He stood, straightening his jacket, ‘I must say, looks like a good day. I am very pleased to have met you all. I hope we can get to know each other better.’ He smiled, a lazy warm smile that sent a very unexpected warmth to Ran’s gut. ‘Yohji, I’d love to extend the private entrance to your bandmates as well. If they also enjoy seafood?’

 

‘yeah, absolutely,’ Yohji swallowed. ‘we’ll all stop by next week sometime so you can meet the guys. Hey!’ Yohji’s eyes lit up. ‘You have to get to know Jei. He has a restaurant too!”

 

“really?” Masato seemed surprised.

 

“Yah. We were apart for a while, took a little over a year off from rock star life, and Jei, well, he’s always liked to cook. He doesn’t get to actually be there much now, but it’s still his place. One of those places where you watch them slice and dice the food right there before they cook it up. His place is called Fello’s. It’s over near Rodeo. Schu here, he dabbles a bit too, mostly cakes and baking for him, and Ran” here Yohji smiled a proud, warm smile, “no one cooks like my Ran.”

 

He tilted his head, considering Masato, “Man, do you like, rent out the back room, or cater or something? Like, for parties? Holidays?’

 

Masato blinked, looking surprised. ‘well, we have this area, and one larger room, or if the party were large enough I could close to the public I suppose. You want to host a party?’

 

Yohji turned to Schuldig. ‘what’ya think, Schu? The New Year’s shindig we talked about, with the band? We could have it here. Beats catering in… you know you won’t really be ready for any kind of crowd yet, and I’m right huh? About the crab cakes?’ he grinned at Schuldig’s blissed out expression.

 

‘yes Yohji, you are so right.’ Schuldig smiled. ‘that’s a wonderful idea. And could be great advertising for you Masato. A private New Year’s party for WEISS…’

 

‘that sounds great! For New Year’s Eve you mean? Of course we could accommodate you. Can you get me some details?’ Masato asked.

 

Bradley pulled out a card and wrote on the back. ‘here’s Schuldig’s email. He’s the planner of the group. And our number.’

 

Yohji grabbed the card and scribbled on the back, ‘here’s the email for Manx, our exec assistant, and Nagi too, our gopher extraordinaire. They’re the best’ He exchanged some information with Masato, promising to work out the details over the next week before Thanksgiving.

 

‘well, gentlemen. I really must return to the restaurant. Stay as long as you wish, and have Wendy, your server, call me before you go so I can set up the back entrance.’ He stood to leave.

 

‘thanks man!’ Yohji replied. ‘really. I will bring the band for lunch next week. You guys will hit it off I’m sure.’

 

‘I hope so Yohji.’ Masato shook his hand warmly. ‘it’s been a true pleasure. Have a good day’ he left them to their meal.

 

‘well, that was very interesting.’ Bradley spoke up. ‘you two sure keep life exciting.’ He smiled. ‘imagine, meeting someone whom you impacted so strongly without ever knowing… he seems like a nice guy. And I am very impressed! Can this place cook some mean snapper! This is great.’ Everyone laughed…

 

The remainder of that day and the next were spent together, choosing furniture for the new condo, re-introducing Brad to the other band members. It had been a rough time when Yohji’d been away and Schu had let his involvement with WEISS fall away, keeping in touch mostly by email. Brad had only met the band a few times at the outset of their dating, just before Yohji’s departure.

 

Overall, the weekend was happy, fulfilling. Plans were again discussed for the coming Thanksgiving weekend and promises made to spend the holiday together.

 

‘you guys can just figure to stay with us whenever you need until the move-in. Aya will be coming in next week, she finished her semester early and is coming to scope out a place too. She gets the guest room, but we can set up the rollout in the music room. It’s about the size of a studio, you guys can stay there.”

 

“Really Ran?” Schu turned to Ran. “Aya’s moving to LA too?”

 

“Yes.” Ran smiled. She is finishing her classes this week. As of Tuesday next week, she’ll be done with this semester. She’s transferring her courses. Decided across the entire country is too far. Finally. I think those pictures I emailed her two weeks ago of Yohji sunning by the pool out back clichéd it. She’d just been hit by an early mini blizzard.”

 

“well that’s great Ran. Really.” Schuldig smiled, then his attention was diverted by a determined Yohji. “Ya know Schu, you can even start shipping some stuff on out to our place now. Go on and send a bit at a time as you get it packed. And bring some of the more personal, important stuff with you next week.’ Yohji admonished Schu as they made their way to the gate for their flight, and smiled a wry smile ‘you know, like pictures and stuff.’

 

Schu laughed, ‘pictures huh? Hmmm... maybe I will bring some pictures with. That could make interesting dinner conversation...’

 

‘hey now! That’s not exactly the plan!’ Yohji called out, punching Schu’s shoulder as they stopped at the gateway security point.

 

‘yeah, I know. But, now you’ve got a week to come up with blackmail payoffs to keep me from using them. Remember, I like pecan pie and cheesy musicals.’ Schu laughed, then sobered. ‘I enjoyed this week Yohji. I... I’ve missed you buddy.’ He leaned in for a fast hug and pulled back.

 

‘yeah bro, me too’ Yohji answered. ‘it’ll be good, real good, having you close by again.’ Yohji grinned, then turned to Brad, ‘take care of him man. Don’t make me have to string you up.’

 

Brad smiled, a warm genuine smile, as he pushed his glasses up. ‘No chance of that Yohji.’ He turned to gaze fully at Schuldig, “I love him. More than I think he will ever realize. My present, my future,.... my life Schu.’

 

Then, surprisingly, Brad lowered himself to one knee, right there before the gate, uncaring of the bustling crowds or those who slowed to see if what they thought they saw was really happening. He looked up to a stunned and flustered Schuldig, and took his hand. ‘Schuldig, lover. You have agreed to move across the country, to give up every aspect of your life and tie it to mine. I ask for more.’ He gazed at Schu for an untimeable moment, then went on ‘Marry me Schudlig. At the new year. We are starting a new life together, let it be a new life in every way. Marry me. Let me shout to the world that you are always, and only, mine.’

 

Schu stood, stunned, staring at Brad for a long moment in silence. Long enough that a crease of worry began to develop on Brad’s brow, before a shiver ran through Schuldig and he tugged Brad to his feet throwing himself into his arms, clinging to his back, ‘yes’ he hissed, ‘yes. Always Brad, for all of our future. For always.’

 

Schu pulled back and reaching pulled Brad down into a deep, passionate kiss. Then, smiling, he pulled back and turned to the stunned, but smiling Ran and Yohji. ‘didn’t I tell you he was incredible?’

 

Still smiling, Schu focused on Yohji, ‘you know, this means you have to be my best man, right? Is WEISS’s schedule ok for a New Year wedding?’

 

‘yeah man, no problem!’ Yohji ;laughed, ‘we are only getting started on this new album. It’ll be at least summer before a release, and fall before a tour, if we take one.’ He sobered and reached for Schu’s hand. “I would be honored, beyond belief, to stand for you for this. You know that.’

 

He turned to Brad. ‘Good man Brad. Good man.’ He held out his hand and shook Brad’s hand firmly. “I don’t have to tell you what forever means to Schu, what family means. You know his childhood. Thank you, for knowing what it means, and for acting on it. Welcome to the family” he pulled Brad in for a quick, shoulder thumping hug just as the flight announcement came over the loud speaker. Then turned to Schu, We’ll turn that New Year’s party with Masato into a New Years Eve party and a reception the next night. Cool!.”

 

Ran stepped forward, shaking hands with both, and giving his own congratulations, before a hurried departure for their plane. “Email me Schu, we’ll sort everything out.” He called as Schu waved just before they turned the corner at the end of the hallway to sprint for their security gate. Smiling, he turned to Yohji. ‘let’s go home Nissho.”

 

‘Yeah. That sounds good Babe. Real good. Home.” Together they made their way to the parking garage. ‘wait’ll I tell the guys! Schu, married! Man...’ Yohji shook his head in amazement. ‘that’ll be some two day party.’

 

‘Schu was certainly surprised,’ Ran commented as they walked along.

 

‘yeah,’ Yohji grinned ‘he was. He has always had this complex. Like, no matter how good he was, inside, where it counts, he never really thought he was good enough. Not for someone to really love. A brother, like me, sure. But, after us, I guess... he just figured if it didn’t work for him and I, as close and compatible as we are, that close friends, maybe with benefits, was as good as it would ever be. There wouldn’t be anyone to really, forever, love him. I’m glad he found Brad. He’s happier, more confident in who he is, than I’ve ever seen him.’

 

Yohji stopped and turned to Ran. ‘you think.....’ he trailed off, then took a breath, ‘you think we should... have a ceremony? You and I? You know, make it official?’

 

Ran turned, tracing a hand over Yohji’s hair. ‘Yohji. Nissho. I love you, and I know you love me. We have our rings, we have the paperwork filed as next of kin for medical purposes. We don’t need California’s blessing to be soul mates. Besides, WEISS is just getting back on top. Let’s think about it before you take that step. There would be no keeping that from the press. A relationship is one thing. Legally married... that’s...’

 

Yohji glared a bit, ‘you think I care about that?’

 

“no, I know you don’t Yohji. Just... let’s think about it, and talk again, after Schu and Brad’s ceremony. Besides, we don’t want to trample on their news.’

 

Yohji huffed a sigh, ‘fine. But we will talk about it, again, after then. I wanna think about it Ran. I know the paper isn’t important, and I know you think it impacts WEISS, but we will talk about it again.’

 

‘I promise.’ Ran smiled. ‘for now, let’s get home. It’s been a long week, and I am way behind on my work.’

 

‘hmph’ Yohji snorted, and turned up the aisle, looking for the Porsche. ’fine,’ he grinned, ‘but a nap first. Then you can work.’

 

Ran sighed and smiled, ‘yes Yohji.’

 

They made their way through the parking lot, hand in hand, content.

 


	18. Chapter 18

** CHAPTER 18 **

 

Down time

 

Ran drove through the heavy traffic surrounding the airport, one eye on the freeway, catching Yohji out of the corner of his other eye. Yohji was beautiful. His honey golden hair catching the sunlight, his jacket falling open to reveal that toned torso, his shirt just riding up above the waistband of his jeans showing bronze skin rippling over firm muscle as he stretched languidly in the seat.

 

Yohji turned his way so he was facing Ran, back resting against the locked car door. ‘damn.’ Yohji’s rich voice filled the car. ‘Ran, you are so fucking sexy.’ He smiled. ‘sometimes I still can’t believe you’re mine. Just so beautiful, inside and out.’ He smiled again, a tender smile, full of love tinted by desire.

 

Ran glanced at him. ‘no baby,’ he murmured, ‘you are the beautiful one. Like fire personified. Flowing, burning. You consume me Yohji. And I AM yours, only yours, ever. I love you. you know that. Marriage talk or whatever aside, right?’

 

Yohji smirked, ‘yeah, I know Angel. And you’re right. We should talk about it in more detail. It would impact things, and we are forever anyway, with or without a paper. I just got... caught up I guess.’ He glared a bit, ‘but I do wanna talk. After the holidays, we will talk it out and decide. You talk to Aya, I’ll talk to Jei and... we’ll see.’

 

Ran took a breath, squeezing back as Yohji reached over to take his hand. ‘ I’m glad Schuldig came out Yohji. I’ve enjoyed the visit this week. Bradley was right. You two are part of each other. There’s a quality to your smile that wasn’t there before. I didn’t realize you’d missed him this much.’

 

‘I didn’t either.’ Yohji replied quietly. ‘not until he was here again. He’s the only real family I have had since as long as I can remember. The guys are great friends, family too, but... Schu’s just.... more, ya know? We’ve kept in touch, but…. Email and texting, it’s not the same. It’ll be good, having him close by again. But, I must admit, as selfish as this will sound, for now – I am glad he’s gone.’

 

‘oh? Glad why?’ Ran turned a curious gaze on Yohji as they sat at a red light. Yohji reached across the seat, trailing one hand down Ran’s chest as he leaned over to follow the path of his fingers with his lips. ‘glad because that paper door just doesn’t give much privacy. Glad because I want to love you tonight, without reservation. Without holding back. I wanna have you in any room, every room. I wanna hear you make those sounds that are only mine, without you thinking or worrying. And, I wanna give you my sounds, my pleasure, without restraint. I want to cum crying your name Ran…..mmm. Ran……’

 

Yohji was growing hard just thinking of it, and Ran had sprung to life almost as soon as Yohji began his explanation. Yohji kissed his shoulder, his hand caressing Ran through the fabric of his pants. ‘six days of restraint, it’s just too long’

 

‘yes Nissho’ Ran growled as drove from the stop light. ‘yes. I missed that too.’ He turned onto their street and Yohji trailed his kisses down Ran’s abdomen, disappearing down into the seat. They pulled up into the driveway just as Yohji blew his hot breath against Ran’s swelling cock.

 

‘oh! Yohji!’ Ran turned in the seat quickly, lifting Yohji back up into his embrace. He leaned in, lips at Yohji’s ear, ‘take me Yohji, take me fast, hard, good.’ He nipped Yohji’s ear, then plunged his tongue inside, trailing down Yohji’s neck, around his jaw to claim his mouth in a bruising kiss.

 

He held Yohji’s bottom lip in his teeth as he pulled back, then leaned back in to press his mouth against Yohji’s neck as he growled low in his throat. ‘but,’ and his voice dropped to a breathless whisper, ‘tease me first baby. Make me beg for you’

 

he leaned in trailing his tongue up over Yohji’s neck, behind his ear to THAT spot that always drove him mad. He nibbled lightly, one hand holding the back of Yohji’s head, fingers tangled in that silky hair, the other traveled down Yohji’s side, coming to rest against his impressive, HARD, arousal.

 

‘hmmm,’ Ran moaned as Yohji panted, his eyes rolled back, hands clenching in Ran’s hair and on his bicep. ‘maybe …. Maybe I’ll make YOU beg first.’

 

He traced his tongue again around Yohji’s ear, fingers tracing his hard-on through the fabric. He began to slide the zipper of his jeans down, just a bit, then back up, slowly, letting the vibration of the zipper stimulate. His own breath began to come faster and he felt Yohji’s chest heaving against his.

 

He drew back slightly and stopped. Just watched. Yohji was truly beautiful like this, eyes now closed, head tilted back, one hand clenched around Ran’s forearm as the other gripped Ran’s shoulder. He’d began to rock slightly into Ran’s touch and it took a moment before he came to himself, realizing Ran was no longer kissing his neck, no longer caressing him. He eyes fluttered open, his hips stilled, ‘gods Ran’ he rasped. He cleared his throat. ‘yes’ he breathed.

 

Ran chuckled. ‘yes what, Yohji?’ his deep voice filling the car. ‘what do you want Nissho? Tell me’

 

‘you’ Yohji growled, ‘you Ran. Any way you want. You tease me, I tease you, you take me, let me take you, anything baby, I don’t care, just don’t stop’ he stilled, panting lightly

 

Ran smiled, leaning in, ‘mmmmm, well then. I tease you I think, since you are already to the ‘don’t stop’ point.’ He whispered against Yohji’s lips. He pulled Yohji in for a deep, lingering, passion filled kiss. Bringing both hands up to cradle Yohji’s face, he ran his hands through his hair, eliciting a purr as Yohji snuggled in closer. He caressed Yohji’s cheek as he pulled back slowly, licking Yohji’s lips, nipping lightly. Then, abruptly, he pulled back completely, breaking all contact, a wicked gleam in his eye. He grinned as Yohji sat there, dazed, licking his lips, and made to open the car door.

 

‘oh yeah baby,’ Yohji was breathless, ‘inside, now.’ Shakily Yohji exited the car. He started toward the house, looking over his shoulder. ‘coming?’ he smiled.

 

Ran laughed as he followed Yohji to the door, ‘oh yeah. Me first.’ He trailed a hand down over Yohji’s ass. ‘you, not until I let you…’ he smirked as he led the way into the living room. ‘you were happy for us to be alone, to be able to voice our pleasure,’

 

he turned just inside the doorway, molding himself to Yohji, ‘let me hear you Yohji.’ He breathed against Yohji’s collar bone, chuckling at the shiver that went through Yohji. ‘let me hear every moan, every sigh, every cry of my name.’ he traced his tongue up, then into Yohji’s ear. ‘beg me Yohji, beg me to let you cum.’ He gripped Yohji’s cock tightly.

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji cried. He moaned deeply, wrapping his arms around Ran. He turned to take Ran mouth with his own, rocking his hips against Ran’s thigh. ‘yes Ran, yes.’

 

They stumbled toward the sofa, tugging at shirts, belts, kisses trailing over exposed skin, necks, ears, tongues entangling. Ran brought them up short just before they fell onto the sofa. ‘wait Yohji.’ He panted ‘wait.’

 

He broke apart, took a deep breath, running his hands through Yohji’s hair, down his back, soothing , calming until their breathing slowed, evened out. ‘I want to take my time here Yohji. I want to hear you call my name. tell me how good it is.’ He began to lightly kiss Yohji again, drinking in his moans, reveling in the tremble in Yohji’s hands as they caressed him.

 

‘Ran’ Yohji breathed, ‘mmmmm….. Ran you are amazing…..touch me baby, touch me.’ Yohji let his head fall back lightly, relishing Ran’s attention to his neck, the little shivers that ran through him when he felt Ran’s teeth graze him.

 

Ran’s hands caressed up Yohji’s sides, over his pecs, across his abdomen. Ran raised one hand to his own mouth, slipping his fingers inside, tracing over them with his tongue, violet eyes darkened with lust locked on Yohji’s own dilated green. The he reached down tracing circles around one nipple with those fingers as his head dropped to take the other between his teeth, tongue flicking back and forth.

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji bucked against Ran’s thigh, ‘oh….uh…..oh!’ Yohji’s fingers tangled in Ran’s hair, his other hand reaching down to cup himself. ‘angel! Ngh….. uh….R...an….. Ran’

 

Yohji panted, beginning to rock against his own hand as he watched Ran bite and lick over his chest. Ran bit down, sucking and Yohji’s knees began to give a bit. He felt Ran’s grip tighten, then Ran stopped and pulled back, followed by Yohji’s whimper.

 

Yohji whose head had fallen back, eyes drifted closed, arms trembling. Ran smiled slowly, watching Yohji lose himself. He guided Yohji toward the sofa, easing him downward, then stood up. Yohji’s arms lifted, following Ran’s heat as he drew away.

 

Dark green eyes opened, clouded with passion, ‘baby?’ he panted a bit, wriggling, finally he came to himself, running one hand over his eyes. The other again dropped to cover his arousal, painfully hard now. ‘Ran?’ he focused on Ran standing above him, watching, waiting.

 

‘yes Yohji’ Ran purred, ‘tease me by teasing yourself. I love to see you touch yourself, to watch you….but don’t’ cum Yohji, not until I let you.’ Ran began to undress, eyes locked on Yohji’s unabashed stroking of himself, the involuntary hitching of Yohji’s hips.

 

Yohji watched Ran slowly lower his jeans, running his hands down muscled thighs and back up over his tight, firm ass, then around to cup himself as well through his boxers. Eyes half-lidded, Ran began to stroke himself, a few slow tugs, then an easy, smooth rhythm. ‘tell me Yohji. Tell me what you want to do. Talk to me lover.’ Ran strode closer to straddle Yohji’s knees.

 

‘damn baby!’ Yohji panted as he watched Ran lick his lips and rock into his own fist. ‘taste me Ran, kiss me, put your mouth on me.’

 

Ran leaned down to trail his tongue from Yohji’s neck, down over his chest, across each dip in his abdomen, and finally, easing down between Yohji’s knees, he batted Yohji’s hand away and slowly lowered Yohji’s zipper. ‘keep talking Yohji. As long as you’re talking, I keep touching.’

 

Ran slipped a hand inside Yohji’s boxers to briefly encase that silky hardness. Yohji bucked up instantly, seeking that hot touch. Then Ran pulled his hand away, ‘but, when you stop, so do I’ Ran told him, ‘give me your voice Yohji. You sounds… tell me, beg me’

 

‘da…damn Ran…kiss me.’ Yohji lunged up toward Ran, pulling him in for a fierce kiss as Ran skillfully removed his jeans. Yohji’s hand again reached toward himself, but Ran blocked him, taking Yohji’s hand into his own, entwining their fingers. Ran ran his other hand over Yohji’s torso, over his thigh, his hip, but kept away from his cock, coming close, but not quite touching.

 

‘mine Yohji, mine to touch, to tease, to taste.’ He pinned Yohji’s hand to the sofa cushion, leaning in to trail kisses across Yohji’s body, ‘talk baby, tell me.’

 

‘ahhh….Ra…. Ran,’ Yohji panted, his cock throbbing now, twitching. His hips writhing as he sought Ran’s touch. ‘huh……ahhh… oh…pl…please…. Ran….t..take….take me in your mouth!... Ran guh….d..damn…..ah!’ Yohji’s back arched as Ran’s hot wet mouth engulfed him, ‘yes!.... Ran!....uh..huh..uuh….s..suck me.Gah!’ he began to thrust up into that suction, that heat.

 

Ran moaned around him, wrenching another thrust from him. His other hand dropped to tease Yohji’s hard tight sac gently. ‘Ran! Wait!...ahhh, oh sh….shit…. Ran ….’ Yohji’s voice roughened, deepened. ‘Ran wait, oh, ngh,I …. I wanna….ah!’ he threw his head back as he felt that tongue, that wonderful, swirling, pressing tongue slip around his head and into the slit, in and out, as the suction increased.

 

‘wait! Angel, …..if you…. I’m….gonna….if you don’t’ STOP.’ Ran lifted his head, wincing at the death grip Yohji had in his hair. He tightened his own fist around the base of Yohji’s cock raising his eyes to take in the sight of Yohji rigid in his battle for control.

 

Ran leaned back down, blowing over the tip of Yohji’s cock. ‘cum for me Yohji.’ He raised his eyes to watch Yohji’s flushed face as he darted his tongue in for a taste of the pre-cum oozing from Yohji’s tip. ‘cum for me now, then again when I am inside you. He nipped at Yohji’s head, let go, scream for me Yohji.’

 

Yohji panted, fists clenched as he watched Ran’s head drop back down to swallow him again. He threw his head back, ‘Ran!..... Ran,   Ran, ……he chanted Ran’s name as he thrust up into that cavern. Then he felt Ran’s hand easing down below his balls to that tender spot between, ‘ah! Ran!.....

 

he wrenched his hand from Ran’s hair, afraid of hurting him, taking a death grip on the arm of the sofa as he lunged upward. Ran eased a finger into his mouth alongside Yohji’s cock, and Yohji whimpered to feel that extra pressure, that unfamiliar pressure, then the finger was gone and he felt it pressing against his entrance.

 

‘Ran! Yes!.....ah….it’s….. I’m…. don’t…..don’t st…..’Ran quickly slipped a second finger inside, twirling, searching. ‘baby..PLEASE…. don’t stop… it’s …..gah…it’s right THERE Ran, so…..so close.

 

Ran hummed his approval, twirling his tongue around the head, sucking . Yohji’s whole body when rigid, as he cried out when Ran struck that spot within him ‘Ran!...... ngh…. uh…uh…’ Ran flicked his fingers over that spot, faster, harder, ‘Ran! Oh… oh.. da... damn…. Ra….an… I’m….uh…uh…it’s …. Ran! YES!’

 

Yohji’s back bowed upward from the sofa, pushing up, up, his hips staccatoed with his eruptions. Ran stayed with him, keeping the pressure inside, not letting up as Yohji spilled out into his mouth. He pulled back a bit as Yohji’s body slowly lowered back to the sofa cushions.

 

Ran kept pumping his fingers inside, sucking hard, milking Yohji’s eruption. He released Yohji’s cock, pushing him against his own belly with his cheek as the orgasm continued, draining Yohji, shudders wracking his body, his seed continuing to dribble out over his lower belly.

 

‘Yohji’ Ran rasped, yes! Yohji.’ He watched enraptured as Yohji lowered back down, tremors wracking him as Ran continued to massage inside him, little spurts coming again and again. ‘yes Yohji. Damn – you’re so beautiful.’

 

Ran began to kiss lightly on his softening cock, upward over his belly, his fingers slowing, but not leaving from inside Yohji. ‘Yohji, I’m so hard Yohji, so hard it hurts. I need you, want you’

 

his voice dropped, roughened, ‘can I take you Yohji? Can I have all of you?’ Ran was panting now, still stretching Yohji slowly, trembling with his need, his hips rocking increasingly harder against Yohji’s thigh. He leaned in nibbling at Yohji’s neck, ‘touch me Yohji, please.’

 

Green eyes slowly opened, full lips smiling as Yohji turned his head toward Ran. He raised one hand to caress Ran’s cheek, the other disentangling from Ran’s grasp to reach forward, cupping Ran’s hardness into his hand. ‘Baby’ Yohji started, cleared his throat, ‘angel, you’re still dressed. Take these off Ran.’

 

He tugged at Ran’s boxers. Ran was rocking faster against Yohji’s hand, losing himself. Moaning, ‘Yohji,Yohji’

 

his hand inside Yohji stilled as Yohji squeezed his cock. ‘take these off Ran,’ Yohji pressed his thigh against Ran’s hardness, bringing the rocking motion to a stop. ‘wait Ran, wait.’

 

He slowed Ran’ soothed, brought him panting back from the edge. ‘inside me Angel, I want you inside me’ Yohji continued to soothe, just pressing against Ran. Stilling the rocking until Ran’s eyes cleared and he knew he had his attention.

 

‘Yohji,’ Ran moaned, ‘need you’

 

‘I know Baby, I know. Here, let me undress you, get these out of the way. Wait just a bit more, ok?’ Ran shuddered, visibly taking control of himself as Yohji worked the waistband on Ran’s boxers and tugged. He raised both arms out to his sides. ‘yes….. ok…but, hurry Yohji’

 

‘don’t worry baby, I want it too, just as bad,’ Yohji smiled. He leaned down and removed the annoying fabric. ‘I want to feel you pounding into me, your hot, hard, throbbing cock stroking inside me, rubbing that spot,’ Ran shuddered again, his cock twitching, leaking at Yohji’s words. Yohji lapped at the tip as he eased Ran’s legs free from the pants.

 

Ran lurched back, ‘Yohji! Ugh…wait!’ he took a step back, his cock full and rigid out before him. ‘damn!’ he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, then another. ‘I am so close right now……’

 

his eyes narrowed and he smiled, ‘ I am going to pound you into the mattress Yohji, get ready. Come.’ He grabbed Yohji’s wrist and led him toward the bed, ‘when I am done, neither of us is going to be able to move. May as well be comfortable.’ He pushed Yohji onto the mattress, reaching for the lube on the nightstand as he crawled up over Yohji.

 

Never taking his eyes off Yohji’s, he ordered, spread for me baby, open up. Now.’

 

‘yes, Ran. Take me. Hard, fast…hurry Ran.’ Yohji spread out under Ran, no battle now, no holding back, just anticipation.

 

Ran dribbled the lube over Yohji, two fingers briefly slipping inside, just barely, Yohji already ready for him. Then he coated himself, his eyes closing as his fist tightened, jaw clenching. ‘now Ran!’ Yohji growled, watching Ran’s face, his battle for control. ‘take me beautiful, love me, own me.’

 

‘Yes!’ Ran’s eyes shot open and he pinned Yohji beneath him. He positioned himself and locked eyes with Yohji. ‘feel me Yohji,’ he began to slide in, short little strokes, sinking deeper each time, ‘me…only me….ever…me….ungh….mine …Yohji...’ he paused, holding himself in check, ‘is….is it ok Yohji?’ he panted, sweat dripping off him, panting with effort he opened his eyes that had clenched from being inside that tight heat.

 

‘beautiful Ran.’ Yohji breathed, ‘you are so incredibly beautiful. And mine…move baby, it’s perfect, move inside me… fill me’

 

‘ah!’ Ran called out, ‘yes Yohji, yes.’ He chanted Yohji’s name as he began to thrust, ‘Yoh…..ji…….Yoh…..ji……’ faster his pace increased, ‘Yoh..ji..Yoh..ji, Yohji!’

 

‘faster Ran! Harder! Pound me baby. Yes! Ran!’ Yohji’s hands clenched on Ran’s shoulders as he cried out calling his name as Ran stroked that spot over and over, ‘you’re so hot Ran, so big baby, ah! Yes! Ran! So…..so good. Oh….. Ran …. There! Yes! Ngh! ……yes,. ’

 

‘Yohji! ….i’m….. go……it’s …I …I can’t, I’m…. gonna…… Yohji! Yohji! Please, cum for me Yohji, I can’t …….it’s’ Ran pounded frantically, harder, faster, his rhythm growing more and more erratic as Yohji cried out, ‘Ran! Yes! That’s it baby, right-‘

 

Yohji arched up against Ran, clenching around him with legs and body, ‘Ran!’ his head thrown back, his cock pulsing between them, hot throbbing, his seed shooting forth.

 

‘yes Yohji! It’s here NOW!’ with two more deep thrusts Ran seated himself deep inside, ‘Yohji!’ he clutched Yohji to him, holding on for dear life, shudders wracking him again and again. ‘I …. I love you….. Yohji’ he breathed against Yohji’s neck.

 

The haze cleared slowly, he felt Yohji stroking his hair and his back. ‘I love you Ran, beautiful… angel, I love you.’

 

‘damn, that was something Yohji.’ Ran slowly rolled over onto his back.

 

‘you ok Baby?, Yohji rolled over, gently cleaning Ran with the wet naps kept at the bedside, then pulled Ran back into the crook of his arms

 

‘yeah,’ Ran panted, ‘yes Nissho, I’m ok, better than ok,’ he curled closer into Yohji’s embrace, his head pillowed on Yohji’s chest. ‘you are so amazing Yohji, just incredible.’ He cuddled closer, throwing one leg over Yohji’s, breath evening out. ‘hmm, this is just perfect.’

 

‘yes, perfect, and so are you. My perfect, beautiful angel.’ Yohji whispered into Ran’s hair, tightening his hold.

 

Cuddling in the afterglow, Ran began to slowly trace circles over Yohji’s chest and belly. Yohji ran his hands up and down Ran’s back, sensing a mood change. He held Ran tighter, kissing his hair. Yohji brought his hand up, stopping Ran’s circles. ‘lover? What’s wrong?’ he looked down at Ran’s face, hidden by his hair.

 

Ran took a deep breath, ‘Yohji? Can I ask you something?’

 

‘anything Ran, of course. You know that.’ Yohji’s voice betrayed an increasing worry. ‘what’s wrong Baby?’

 

Ran tilted his head back, looking into Yohji’s eyes for a moment. He reached up, cupping Yohji’s face. ‘nothing’s wrong love, it’s just a question.’ He looked down again. ‘it’s a silly question, I know it is, but….. it’s kind of important to me, the answer.’

 

‘then it’s not a silly question Ran.’ Yohji stated firmly, he lifted Ran’s chin, searching his eyes, ‘I love you beautiful. Ask me, anything, what is it?’

 

Ran sighed a little, snuggling closer, ‘I know…..we got together initially because you were just so…… sexy, gorgeous. I couldn’t take my eyes off you….still can’t. you’re just so… perfect. So exquisite….’

 

His voice trailed off a bit, ‘I know you came to me because…. you found me …attractive too………you’re always saying I’m beautiful, sexy.’

 

‘you are’ Yohji started, but Ran cut him off, ‘I..know. I know I’m…. attractive ..to others. I’m not…..’ he faltered, ‘I’m not just attractive or sexy to you because you love me, I know, now....’ He whispered now, then took a breath. ‘I also know I’m more attractive – beautiful to you because you love me….and that’s … that’s where the question comes in.’ he looked up again to find Yohji watching him, confused, worried.

 

‘what baby? What?’ Yohji whispered

 

Ran closed his eyes. ‘Yohji…..if…..if I weren’t……would you…’ he stopped. Took one slow deep breath and visibly steeled himself. ‘if I weren’t <beautiful> anymore, if I didn’t look good to you….would you still love me?’

 

he opened his eyes, ‘if I weren’t; perfect, sexy…..as you’re always telling me I am, if I were to change, get fat, go bald….. something’ he whispered, closing his eyes again. ‘could you still love me if you couldn’t look at me?’ he burrowed deeper into Yohji’s side, holding tight as Yohji lay there, processing.

 

‘what brought this on, Ran?’

 

Ran just shook his head, tensing.

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji’s voice was firm. He reached down, raising Ran’s face. ‘look at me’ he looked searchingly into Ran’s eyes. He took a breath, keeping their eyes locked he spoke.

 

‘Ran, if you gained a hundred pounds, if you lost all your hair, if every tooth fell out of your head, if you were crippled, crazy, in a coma…..no matter **what** happens - no matter how you look, how you act, if you’re sick, anything. I. LOVE. YOU. You. Not your body.’

 

He stopped a moment, tilting his head and grinned, ‘don’t get me wrong. I do love your body, your face, your hair, all of you. But, that’s not YOU. That’s not who you are. I will love you, desire you, always. Yes. We got together because of how you looked, but I fell in love with YOU. If you shave your head, if you were scarred, burned, wrinkled, gain weight, lose weight, forget who you are. If you lose your legs, got sick and needed 24 hour care, if you needed me to change a bedpan, bathe you, anything, you are still you. And I….love….you. even if something happened and you were in a coma, or paralyzed, or for some reason could never make love again, I’d die from missing this, from missing holding you, but I’d still love you. You’re a part of me. Not just a physical part, a soul part. Without you, I am no longer me. Understand?’

 

Yohji looked at Ran, caressing his hair, his face, ‘now. What prompted this, angel? You worried you’re getting fat?’ he almost grinned, then his eyes grew troubled. ‘Ran? Are you sick or something? Is there something I should know?’

 

‘No. no, Yohji. I’m not sick and I don’t _think_ I’m gaining weight. It’s just’ he sighed, ‘There was this woman this other day at the coffee shop near the gallery. I was waiting for Schuldig as he finished with the realtor. She was, she was with her friend, talking – crying. They were in the booth behind me. She was explaining that her husband won’t look at her anymore, touch her anymore.’ He looked down.

 

‘She’d been ill, had to take some medicine that caused her to gain weight, made her moody. She was so upset. She kept telling her friend how much she loved him, yet he wouldn’t touch her unless he was in desperate need of release or drunk. He made it plain to her he was disgusted with her now, with the change in her body. He didn’t find her attractive now. She cried because the doctor told her she has to keep taking the meds and it would be a while before she can hope to lose the weight. She just wanted to keep him loving her, who she was….’

 

His eyes hardened as he went on ‘I saw them when they left and met the bastard out front. The way he looked at her, the barely hidden contempt. And the way he looked at her thin, pretty friend. She kinda curled in on herself when he practically hit on her friend right there. I almost cheered when the friend slapped him, except I could see it made him angry and he was probably going to be worse to her.’

 

He squeezed his eyes shut, caressing Yohji’s belly, without even seeming to realize he was doing it. ‘I felt bad for her. The way she talked, they’d been very happy, she’d thought. The sex had been good, regular, you know – young love. But then, as she grew ill, and gained more and more weight, he wouldn’t believe when she explained about the medicine, wouldn’t go with her to the doctor. She was just so sad that he didn’t love her, desire her anymore, despite that she still desired him.’ Ran took a deep breath.

 

‘I know it had nothing to do with us, I know that. But, she told her friend how he’d always called her beautiful and now he hardly looked at her because she was different. He was stuck with her, and obviously wanted out….’ Ran looked up at Yohji again, ‘I just…..if anything ever did happen Yohji-‘

 

‘No Ran’ Yohji’s firm voice cut in. ‘No. don’t you lie there and tell me I don’t have to stay, or *be stuck with you* I am NOT stuck with you. I’ll never be STUCK with you. That guy was just an asshole. He obviously didn’t love her. He only thought with his cock. It was only physical. If you love someone, no matter how they look, they arouse you because it’s the one you LOVE. I am aroused by YOU. By giving you pleasure. It’s not just for me.

 

MY pleasure is made more by giving YOU pleasure. You are beautiful to me because you are YOU. Because I love you. If I were *blind* you’d still be beautiful to me.’ His voice hardened, ‘Would you love me less if I got in a wreck or something? If I were disfigured, or scarred up or cut off all my hair?’

 

he shook his head, ‘No. I know better. It never entered my head. Do you love me less because I do concerts and have slutty girls always hitting on me. Or because I’m not as smart as you? I’m not. I know that, never will be eith-’

 

‘No!’ Ran cut him off. ‘Yohji, no. I never meant-‘ Ran tried to sit up, but Yohji pulled him down so he was on top of Yohji’s chest, looking down into those fierce, beautiful eyes, now just a little moist.

 

‘is this why you didn’t wanna talk about marrying me?’ Yohji pouted, ‘You afraid I’m gonna cut out on you? wanted to keep things simple?”

 

‘No! oh Yohji’ Ran breathed, ‘I’m sorry. Please, don’t’ be hurt – I love you so much. I know you love me, I never really thought that way, it was just a tiny, silly worry. Not real.’

 

He leaned in, just holding Yohji tightly. Feeling those strong arms slide up around his back. ‘I trust you with my heart and soul Yohji. They are both yours, as I hold your heart and soul in me.’ He raised up and kissed Yohji soundly, until no shadow of pain remained in those amazing, beautiful, warm green eyes. ‘I would marry you Yohji. If you want it, if you need it. I just don’t think it matters. I’m already married to you, in my soul.’

 

“I’m sorry, so sorry, if I hurt you. I love you. Forgive me.’ Then, he thoroughly tangled both hands in Yohji’s hair and pulled slightly, ‘but,’ he growled, ‘I will hurt you – a lot – if you dare cut your hair without a _really_ good reason.’ He smiled.

 

‘oh really?’ Yohji grinned. ‘ a bit possessive about the hair, huh?’

 

‘yep. You’re mine. All of you. Including the hair.’ He leaned in again, burying his face in Yohji’s hair. ‘you know Yohji. I think you forgot something.’ He whispered.

 

‘hmmm?’ Yohji’s arm held Ran tightly to his side again, caressing down his back. ‘what Baby? – what’d I forget?’

 

‘well. I got you all sidetracked with my insecurities and you never got your turn.’ Ran said

 

‘my turn? What turn?’ Yohji looked up again to find Ran’s eyes darkening with desire. He felt Ran just slightly beginning to harden against his thigh.

 

‘your turn to tease me. To make me scream your name, beautiful. My beautiful Yohji.’ He whispered as he leaned in to kiss Yohji again.

 

‘hmmmm… I think I can do that.’ Yohji murmured. ‘I’d better hurry though. This could be my last chance to have you so willing to give in without a fight.’ He rolled them over, pinning Ran beneath him.

 

‘what?’ Ran asked. ‘what are you talking about?’

 

‘well,’ Yohji grinned. ‘Schuldig hasn’t had the chance to email you any skinny Yohji pics yet, so you have no recourse to resist my charms’

 

he leaned in to kiss the laughing Ran. ‘nothing to fill your sexy head with to ward off my skills’ he trailed his hot mouth down Ran’s jaw to that spot just below it that never failed to bring a reaction.

 

Just as he’d known it would, Ran’s breath hitched as Yohji ran his tongue up from that spot against the stubble just beginning to emerge, nipping as he went back down to that special spot. He nuzzled his nose against Ran’s neck as he breathed through his mouth, hot breath raising hot shivers as Ran’s breath began to speed up.

 

‘mmmm, yeah. That’s what I mean. So responsive…..even now, still. I know what buttons to push, huh Baby? You can’t resist me’ his right hand began to roam over Ran’s body as his left tangled in Ran’s hair just as Ran began to draw back. ‘ah-ah-ah, don’t start trying to fight it now baby, you’re all mine.’ He lifted his head grinning into Ran’s eyes. ‘you wanna play a little game angel?’

 

Ran’s eyes widened. ‘what game Yohji?’

 

‘well, how about you practice a bit? As I think about it, maybe it _would_ be fun, you *trying* to resist me. I mean, I know it can’t last _too_ long. After all, I KNOW this body. I know every button to push…but it might be fun to see how long you can hold out…’

 

as he spoke his hand continued to roam, but so, so lightly. Ghosting over Ran’s sensitive zones, not _quite_ touching, hovering a moment before moving on to a new area. As he stopped talking, he brought his hand to his mouth, sucking on his first two fingers a bit. He reached down, twirling them about Ran’s left nipple, flicking, pinching lightly, then back to ghost touches.

 

Ran’s breath stopped as he visibly steeled himself. ‘how-‘ he cleared his throat, ‘how would this game work, Yohji?’

 

‘simple baby’ Yohji moaned into Ran’s neck as he trailed down to the collar bone. ‘you can’t touch, and I * _won’t_ * touch – _certain_ areas, unless you ask me. It’s an honor system. You keep those hands fisted right there in those sheets, as you resist me. Be as still as you can, Ran. The more you move, the more points I get. When you touch me, or if you ask me, I win.’

 

He grinned up at Ran as he began to move down Ran’s suddenly taut body, obviously trying _not_ to buck upward into Yohji’s heat as he hovered over him.

 

Yohji held himself just above Ran, careful not to let any weight press as he crawled down. Finally he came to rest on his knees, sitting over Ran’s thighs. He kept his eyes locked on Ran’s half lidded ones as he ran his hands down the planes of Ran’s stomach, hovering just above his swollen, already leaking member.

 

Just hovering. He dropped his gaze, taking care to get as close as he could without actually touching. It wasn’t easy. Ran twitched and barely grazed Yohji’s palm. Yohji’s eyes shot up to Ran’s face as he heard the deep moan, seeing Ran arch his head back, his fists tightening in the sheet, teeth clenched, panting.

 

Yohji grinned. He drew his hands back and leaned forward. Moving himself to the side of Ran’s body he began top kiss his nipples, hand running over Ran’s tense, quivering thighs. He pressed to spread them open, running one hand up the inner seam, nibbling, licking his way down Ran’s body with his mouth as his hand moved up.

 

Caressing, stopping, holding until the heat built, then moving higher. Finally that hand cupped Ran’s balls, carefully NOT touching Ran’s shaft. Only the sac.

 

As that hand cupped and almost squeezed, Ran finally moved, squirming. ‘Yohji’ he moaned low in his chest. ‘Yohji’ only his name, no asking, hmm….. Yohji brought his hot mouth close, breathing on Ran, he spoke. ‘breathing isn’t touching Ran.’ He blew hot, moist air over Ran’s trembling cock. He leaned closer, ‘haaaaaaaaaaa’ like fogging a glass he breathed out.

 

‘Yohji! Oh!’ Ran bucked up a bit, but Yohji, ready, pulled back, smiling. He leaned back in and did it again, his mouth just over the head, ‘haaaaaaaaaa’ he breathed hot and long. His hand squeezing lightly on Ran’s sac which was beginning to tighten.

 

‘Yohji! I ….’ One of Ran’s hands lifted, then stopped short grabbing his own head. ‘’Yohji’ Ran moaned

 

‘it’s ok baby, just ask me’ Yohji breathed, his lips almost touching, ‘just tell me what you want’ he flicked his tongue out, just for an instant grazing the very tip of Ran’s cock.

 

Ran arched up. ‘ah! Yohji!’’

 

‘oops’ Yohji grinned, ‘I lose a point, my aim was off I guess.’ He chuckled, letting the vibration wave over Ran. He was so close to him… he breathed again ‘haaaaaaaaaaa’ up and down each side, as close as he could, ‘haaaaaaaaaa.

 

‘Tell me Ran.’ His hand cupping Ran’s balls, his other hand tweaking nipples, trailing over muscles. He dropped the hand from Ran’s sac to trail down over that line below them, tracing back and forth. His mouth moved down to the sac, he breathed hot again, ‘haaaaaaaa’ then he leaned in and took one in his mouth.

 

‘Yohji! Ok! Oh gods, ok! You win Yohji! Touch me!, suck me, anything, _*PLEASE*_ ’ Ran was thrusting up now, beyond any control. ‘gods Yohji, **please.** ’ He cried. His cock weeping a steady flow, oozing, begging for release. His hands twisted in the sheets as Yohji shot up, taking him in his mouth as his hands took a firm grip on Ran’s hips.

 

Yohji hummed as he sucked hard, pulling, swirling his tongue down the seam and over the head. He hummed again, squeezing Ran’s hips he pulled him up, deeper into his mouth, sucking, bobbing.

 

He felt it just before Ran’s cry, ‘Yohji!... Yohji, I’m….oh…..YES!’ Ran came hard, both hands now on Yohji’s head, fingers in his hair as he held him tightly to him as he thrust involuntarily up into that mouth. ‘Yohji … Yohji…. Lover.’ He rasped,

 

‘I love what you do to me.’ His hands dropped to his sides as he opened his eyes to take in Yohji crawling back up over his body.

 

‘I love you Ran’ Yohji planted kisses everywhere he could, all the way up. ‘making you cum makes me so hard. Sometimes I almost cum just brining you there, I almost did just now. I would have if I hadn’t held it. I wanted to.’ He kissed Ran then, lifted his head.

 

‘I wanted to watch your face when I cum. Wanted to see your face as you make me cum. Make me cum Ran. Touch me. I’m so close.’

 

He rolled them to their sides, grasping Ran’s hand in his own he brought it down to his hardness. ‘Ran’ he moaned as Ran gripped him tightly, ‘yes’

 

then Ran brought his own reawakening arousal into his hand as well. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, ‘you’re so hard, so big’

 

‘yes Ran’ Yohji moaned again as Ran pumped them together, squeezing, twisting. Ran leaned in to kiss Yohji. ‘tell me Yohji, tell me how you feel.’

 

‘so good….baby…so….good.’ Yohji’s eyes started to roll. He fought, bringing them back into focus on Ran’s face as his hips started to thrust too. ‘Ran…. You….only you….do this to me’ he thrust harder ‘Ran…I’m so ….so close.’

 

‘yes Yohji, yes,’ Ran leaned in licking Yohji’s lips, ‘cum for me Yohji, cum ON me, mine Yohji, it’s all mine. Give it to me’

 

Yohji couldn’t hold Ran’s gaze anymore as his eyes did roll back, ‘Ran’ he panted ‘Ran… faster…close….Ran…’

 

Ran squeezed, pulling harder, faster, holding Yohji’s body tight against him. ‘yes Yohji! That’s it… I’m gonna cum too Yohji...one more... keep…. Moving.. like that,…..push… against…..unhg!’

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji gripped Ran’s hips tightly, pulling them closer as he fucked Ran’s fist. ‘Ran!’ his eyes shot open, locking on Ran. ‘now Ran, here …it’s here….ahh!’ his hips stuttered as he squeezed Ran’s hips impossibly tight. Cuming, spurting, chanting ‘Ran Ran’ over and over.

 

‘yes Yohji, ….i’m here…. Too….just…just a …little’ Ran kept pumping, thrusting his own hips ‘Yohji! Feel me, Yohji!’ feel me cum again for you, ngh!’ his hand spasmed around them and he gave one more thrust before going rigid, holding Yohji tight,

 

‘yo…. Yohji …ah…ah.’ He panted, coming hard again, his whole body taut. ‘da…damn Yohji’ Ran panted s his humping slowed. ‘what you do to me.’

 

Yohji tightened his arms around him. ‘yeah baby, what we do to each other.’ Yohji pulled back and kissed him, soundly, lovingly. ‘forever Ran, we’ll do this to each other until we can’t do it anymore. Then we’ll tell each other stories wising we could get hard.’

 

He smiled and kissed Ran again. He reached over, cleaning them up again, then tucked them under the covers. He settled close, holding Ran in his arms. ‘sleep lover, dream of me….of us.. I love you.’

 

Sleep claimed them, entangled in each other as Ran breathed back, ‘yes love, always’

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

** CHAPTER 18 **

 

Down time

 

Ran drove through the heavy traffic surrounding the airport, one eye on the freeway, catching Yohji out of the corner of his other eye. Yohji was beautiful. His honey golden hair catching the sunlight, his jacket falling open to reveal that toned torso, his shirt just riding up above the waistband of his jeans showing bronze skin rippling over firm muscle as he stretched languidly in the seat.

 

Yohji turned his way so he was facing Ran, back resting against the locked car door. ‘damn.’ Yohji’s rich voice filled the car. ‘Ran, you are so fucking sexy.’ He smiled. ‘sometimes I still can’t believe you’re mine. Just so beautiful, inside and out.’ He smiled again, a tender smile, full of love tinted by desire.

 

Ran glanced at him. ‘no baby,’ he murmured, ‘you are the beautiful one. Like fire personified. Flowing, burning. You consume me Yohji. And I AM yours, only yours, ever. I love you. you know that. Marriage talk or whatever aside, right?’

 

Yohji smirked, ‘yeah, I know Angel. And you’re right. We should talk about it in more detail. It would impact things, and we are forever anyway, with or without a paper. I just got... caught up I guess.’ He glared a bit, ‘but I do wanna talk. After the holidays, we will talk it out and decide. You talk to Aya, I’ll talk to Jei and... we’ll see.’

 

Ran took a breath, squeezing back as Yohji reached over to take his hand. ‘ I’m glad Schuldig came out Yohji. I’ve enjoyed the visit this week. Bradley was right. You two are part of each other. There’s a quality to your smile that wasn’t there before. I didn’t realize you’d missed him this much.’

 

‘I didn’t either.’ Yohji replied quietly. ‘not until he was here again. He’s the only real family I have had since as long as I can remember. The guys are great friends, family too, but... Schu’s just.... more, ya know? We’ve kept in touch, but…. Email and texting, it’s not the same. It’ll be good, having him close by again. But, I must admit, as selfish as this will sound, for now – I am glad he’s gone.’

 

‘oh? Glad why?’ Ran turned a curious gaze on Yohji as they sat at a red light. Yohji reached across the seat, trailing one hand down Ran’s chest as he leaned over to follow the path of his fingers with his lips. ‘glad because that paper door just doesn’t give much privacy. Glad because I want to love you tonight, without reservation. Without holding back. I wanna have you in any room, every room. I wanna hear you make those sounds that are only mine, without you thinking or worrying. And, I wanna give you my sounds, my pleasure, without restraint. I want to cum crying your name Ran…..mmm. Ran……’

 

Yohji was growing hard just thinking of it, and Ran had sprung to life almost as soon as Yohji began his explanation. Yohji kissed his shoulder, his hand caressing Ran through the fabric of his pants. ‘six days of restraint, it’s just too long’

 

‘yes Nissho’ Ran growled as drove from the stop light. ‘yes. I missed that too.’ He turned onto their street and Yohji trailed his kisses down Ran’s abdomen, disappearing down into the seat. They pulled up into the driveway just as Yohji blew his hot breath against Ran’s swelling cock.

 

‘oh! Yohji!’ Ran turned in the seat quickly, lifting Yohji back up into his embrace. He leaned in, lips at Yohji’s ear, ‘take me Yohji, take me fast, hard, good.’ He nipped Yohji’s ear, then plunged his tongue inside, trailing down Yohji’s neck, around his jaw to claim his mouth in a bruising kiss.

 

He held Yohji’s bottom lip in his teeth as he pulled back, then leaned back in to press his mouth against Yohji’s neck as he growled low in his throat. ‘but,’ and his voice dropped to a breathless whisper, ‘tease me first baby. Make me beg for you’

 

he leaned in trailing his tongue up over Yohji’s neck, behind his ear to THAT spot that always drove him mad. He nibbled lightly, one hand holding the back of Yohji’s head, fingers tangled in that silky hair, the other traveled down Yohji’s side, coming to rest against his impressive, HARD, arousal.

 

‘hmmm,’ Ran moaned as Yohji panted, his eyes rolled back, hands clenching in Ran’s hair and on his bicep. ‘maybe …. Maybe I’ll make YOU beg first.’

 

He traced his tongue again around Yohji’s ear, fingers tracing his hard-on through the fabric. He began to slide the zipper of his jeans down, just a bit, then back up, slowly, letting the vibration of the zipper stimulate. His own breath began to come faster and he felt Yohji’s chest heaving against his.

 

He drew back slightly and stopped. Just watched. Yohji was truly beautiful like this, eyes now closed, head tilted back, one hand clenched around Ran’s forearm as the other gripped Ran’s shoulder. He’d began to rock slightly into Ran’s touch and it took a moment before he came to himself, realizing Ran was no longer kissing his neck, no longer caressing him. He eyes fluttered open, his hips stilled, ‘gods Ran’ he rasped. He cleared his throat. ‘yes’ he breathed.

 

Ran chuckled. ‘yes what, Yohji?’ his deep voice filling the car. ‘what do you want Nissho? Tell me’

 

‘you’ Yohji growled, ‘you Ran. Any way you want. You tease me, I tease you, you take me, let me take you, anything baby, I don’t care, just don’t stop’ he stilled, panting lightly

 

Ran smiled, leaning in, ‘mmmmm, well then. I tease you I think, since you are already to the ‘don’t stop’ point.’ He whispered against Yohji’s lips. He pulled Yohji in for a deep, lingering, passion filled kiss. Bringing both hands up to cradle Yohji’s face, he ran his hands through his hair, eliciting a purr as Yohji snuggled in closer. He caressed Yohji’s cheek as he pulled back slowly, licking Yohji’s lips, nipping lightly. Then, abruptly, he pulled back completely, breaking all contact, a wicked gleam in his eye. He grinned as Yohji sat there, dazed, licking his lips, and made to open the car door.

 

‘oh yeah baby,’ Yohji was breathless, ‘inside, now.’ Shakily Yohji exited the car. He started toward the house, looking over his shoulder. ‘coming?’ he smiled.

 

Ran laughed as he followed Yohji to the door, ‘oh yeah. Me first.’ He trailed a hand down over Yohji’s ass. ‘you, not until I let you…’ he smirked as he led the way into the living room. ‘you were happy for us to be alone, to be able to voice our pleasure,’

 

he turned just inside the doorway, molding himself to Yohji, ‘let me hear you Yohji.’ He breathed against Yohji’s collar bone, chuckling at the shiver that went through Yohji. ‘let me hear every moan, every sigh, every cry of my name.’ he traced his tongue up, then into Yohji’s ear. ‘beg me Yohji, beg me to let you cum.’ He gripped Yohji’s cock tightly.

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji cried. He moaned deeply, wrapping his arms around Ran. He turned to take Ran mouth with his own, rocking his hips against Ran’s thigh. ‘yes Ran, yes.’

 

They stumbled toward the sofa, tugging at shirts, belts, kisses trailing over exposed skin, necks, ears, tongues entangling. Ran brought them up short just before they fell onto the sofa. ‘wait Yohji.’ He panted ‘wait.’

 

He broke apart, took a deep breath, running his hands through Yohji’s hair, down his back, soothing , calming until their breathing slowed, evened out. ‘I want to take my time here Yohji. I want to hear you call my name. tell me how good it is.’ He began to lightly kiss Yohji again, drinking in his moans, reveling in the tremble in Yohji’s hands as they caressed him.

 

‘Ran’ Yohji breathed, ‘mmmmm….. Ran you are amazing…..touch me baby, touch me.’ Yohji let his head fall back lightly, relishing Ran’s attention to his neck, the little shivers that ran through him when he felt Ran’s teeth graze him.

 

Ran’s hands caressed up Yohji’s sides, over his pecs, across his abdomen. Ran raised one hand to his own mouth, slipping his fingers inside, tracing over them with his tongue, violet eyes darkened with lust locked on Yohji’s own dilated green. The he reached down tracing circles around one nipple with those fingers as his head dropped to take the other between his teeth, tongue flicking back and forth.

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji bucked against Ran’s thigh, ‘oh….uh…..oh!’ Yohji’s fingers tangled in Ran’s hair, his other hand reaching down to cup himself. ‘angel! Ngh….. uh….R...an….. Ran’

 

Yohji panted, beginning to rock against his own hand as he watched Ran bite and lick over his chest. Ran bit down, sucking and Yohji’s knees began to give a bit. He felt Ran’s grip tighten, then Ran stopped and pulled back, followed by Yohji’s whimper.

 

Yohji whose head had fallen back, eyes drifted closed, arms trembling. Ran smiled slowly, watching Yohji lose himself. He guided Yohji toward the sofa, easing him downward, then stood up. Yohji’s arms lifted, following Ran’s heat as he drew away.

 

Dark green eyes opened, clouded with passion, ‘baby?’ he panted a bit, wriggling, finally he came to himself, running one hand over his eyes. The other again dropped to cover his arousal, painfully hard now. ‘Ran?’ he focused on Ran standing above him, watching, waiting.

 

‘yes Yohji’ Ran purred, ‘tease me by teasing yourself. I love to see you touch yourself, to watch you….but don’t’ cum Yohji, not until I let you.’ Ran began to undress, eyes locked on Yohji’s unabashed stroking of himself, the involuntary hitching of Yohji’s hips.

 

Yohji watched Ran slowly lower his jeans, running his hands down muscled thighs and back up over his tight, firm ass, then around to cup himself as well through his boxers. Eyes half-lidded, Ran began to stroke himself, a few slow tugs, then an easy, smooth rhythm. ‘tell me Yohji. Tell me what you want to do. Talk to me lover.’ Ran strode closer to straddle Yohji’s knees.

 

‘damn baby!’ Yohji panted as he watched Ran lick his lips and rock into his own fist. ‘taste me Ran, kiss me, put your mouth on me.’

 

Ran leaned down to trail his tongue from Yohji’s neck, down over his chest, across each dip in his abdomen, and finally, easing down between Yohji’s knees, he batted Yohji’s hand away and slowly lowered Yohji’s zipper. ‘keep talking Yohji. As long as you’re talking, I keep touching.’

 

Ran slipped a hand inside Yohji’s boxers to briefly encase that silky hardness. Yohji bucked up instantly, seeking that hot touch. Then Ran pulled his hand away, ‘but, when you stop, so do I’ Ran told him, ‘give me your voice Yohji. You sounds… tell me, beg me’

 

‘da…damn Ran…kiss me.’ Yohji lunged up toward Ran, pulling him in for a fierce kiss as Ran skillfully removed his jeans. Yohji’s hand again reached toward himself, but Ran blocked him, taking Yohji’s hand into his own, entwining their fingers. Ran ran his other hand over Yohji’s torso, over his thigh, his hip, but kept away from his cock, coming close, but not quite touching.

 

‘mine Yohji, mine to touch, to tease, to taste.’ He pinned Yohji’s hand to the sofa cushion, leaning in to trail kisses across Yohji’s body, ‘talk baby, tell me.’

 

‘ahhh….Ra…. Ran,’ Yohji panted, his cock throbbing now, twitching. His hips writhing as he sought Ran’s touch. ‘huh……ahhh… oh…pl…please…. Ran….t..take….take me in your mouth!... Ran guh….d..damn…..ah!’ Yohji’s back arched as Ran’s hot wet mouth engulfed him, ‘yes!.... Ran!....uh..huh..uuh….s..suck me.Gah!’ he began to thrust up into that suction, that heat.

 

Ran moaned around him, wrenching another thrust from him. His other hand dropped to tease Yohji’s hard tight sac gently. ‘Ran! Wait!...ahhh, oh sh….shit…. Ran ….’ Yohji’s voice roughened, deepened. ‘Ran wait, oh, ngh,I …. I wanna….ah!’ he threw his head back as he felt that tongue, that wonderful, swirling, pressing tongue slip around his head and into the slit, in and out, as the suction increased.

 

‘wait! Angel, …..if you…. I’m….gonna….if you don’t’ STOP.’ Ran lifted his head, wincing at the death grip Yohji had in his hair. He tightened his own fist around the base of Yohji’s cock raising his eyes to take in the sight of Yohji rigid in his battle for control.

 

Ran leaned back down, blowing over the tip of Yohji’s cock. ‘cum for me Yohji.’ He raised his eyes to watch Yohji’s flushed face as he darted his tongue in for a taste of the pre-cum oozing from Yohji’s tip. ‘cum for me now, then again when I am inside you. He nipped at Yohji’s head, let go, scream for me Yohji.’

 

Yohji panted, fists clenched as he watched Ran’s head drop back down to swallow him again. He threw his head back, ‘Ran!..... Ran,   Ran, ……he chanted Ran’s name as he thrust up into that cavern. Then he felt Ran’s hand easing down below his balls to that tender spot between, ‘ah! Ran!.....

 

he wrenched his hand from Ran’s hair, afraid of hurting him, taking a death grip on the arm of the sofa as he lunged upward. Ran eased a finger into his mouth alongside Yohji’s cock, and Yohji whimpered to feel that extra pressure, that unfamiliar pressure, then the finger was gone and he felt it pressing against his entrance.

 

‘Ran! Yes!.....ah….it’s….. I’m…. don’t…..don’t st…..’Ran quickly slipped a second finger inside, twirling, searching. ‘baby..PLEASE…. don’t stop… it’s …..gah…it’s right THERE Ran, so…..so close.

 

Ran hummed his approval, twirling his tongue around the head, sucking . Yohji’s whole body when rigid, as he cried out when Ran struck that spot within him ‘Ran!...... ngh…. uh…uh…’ Ran flicked his fingers over that spot, faster, harder, ‘Ran! Oh… oh.. da... damn…. Ra….an… I’m….uh…uh…it’s …. Ran! YES!’

 

Yohji’s back bowed upward from the sofa, pushing up, up, his hips staccatoed with his eruptions. Ran stayed with him, keeping the pressure inside, not letting up as Yohji spilled out into his mouth. He pulled back a bit as Yohji’s body slowly lowered back to the sofa cushions.

 

Ran kept pumping his fingers inside, sucking hard, milking Yohji’s eruption. He released Yohji’s cock, pushing him against his own belly with his cheek as the orgasm continued, draining Yohji, shudders wracking his body, his seed continuing to dribble out over his lower belly.

 

‘Yohji’ Ran rasped, yes! Yohji.’ He watched enraptured as Yohji lowered back down, tremors wracking him as Ran continued to massage inside him, little spurts coming again and again. ‘yes Yohji. Damn – you’re so beautiful.’

 

Ran began to kiss lightly on his softening cock, upward over his belly, his fingers slowing, but not leaving from inside Yohji. ‘Yohji, I’m so hard Yohji, so hard it hurts. I need you, want you’

 

his voice dropped, roughened, ‘can I take you Yohji? Can I have all of you?’ Ran was panting now, still stretching Yohji slowly, trembling with his need, his hips rocking increasingly harder against Yohji’s thigh. He leaned in nibbling at Yohji’s neck, ‘touch me Yohji, please.’

 

Green eyes slowly opened, full lips smiling as Yohji turned his head toward Ran. He raised one hand to caress Ran’s cheek, the other disentangling from Ran’s grasp to reach forward, cupping Ran’s hardness into his hand. ‘Baby’ Yohji started, cleared his throat, ‘angel, you’re still dressed. Take these off Ran.’

 

He tugged at Ran’s boxers. Ran was rocking faster against Yohji’s hand, losing himself. Moaning, ‘Yohji,Yohji’

 

his hand inside Yohji stilled as Yohji squeezed his cock. ‘take these off Ran,’ Yohji pressed his thigh against Ran’s hardness, bringing the rocking motion to a stop. ‘wait Ran, wait.’

 

He slowed Ran’ soothed, brought him panting back from the edge. ‘inside me Angel, I want you inside me’ Yohji continued to soothe, just pressing against Ran. Stilling the rocking until Ran’s eyes cleared and he knew he had his attention.

 

‘Yohji,’ Ran moaned, ‘need you’

 

‘I know Baby, I know. Here, let me undress you, get these out of the way. Wait just a bit more, ok?’ Ran shuddered, visibly taking control of himself as Yohji worked the waistband on Ran’s boxers and tugged. He raised both arms out to his sides. ‘yes….. ok…but, hurry Yohji’

 

‘don’t worry baby, I want it too, just as bad,’ Yohji smiled. He leaned down and removed the annoying fabric. ‘I want to feel you pounding into me, your hot, hard, throbbing cock stroking inside me, rubbing that spot,’ Ran shuddered again, his cock twitching, leaking at Yohji’s words. Yohji lapped at the tip as he eased Ran’s legs free from the pants.

 

Ran lurched back, ‘Yohji! Ugh…wait!’ he took a step back, his cock full and rigid out before him. ‘damn!’ he ran a hand through his hair and took a deep breath, then another. ‘I am so close right now……’

 

his eyes narrowed and he smiled, ‘ I am going to pound you into the mattress Yohji, get ready. Come.’ He grabbed Yohji’s wrist and led him toward the bed, ‘when I am done, neither of us is going to be able to move. May as well be comfortable.’ He pushed Yohji onto the mattress, reaching for the lube on the nightstand as he crawled up over Yohji.

 

Never taking his eyes off Yohji’s, he ordered, spread for me baby, open up. Now.’

 

‘yes, Ran. Take me. Hard, fast…hurry Ran.’ Yohji spread out under Ran, no battle now, no holding back, just anticipation.

 

Ran dribbled the lube over Yohji, two fingers briefly slipping inside, just barely, Yohji already ready for him. Then he coated himself, his eyes closing as his fist tightened, jaw clenching. ‘now Ran!’ Yohji growled, watching Ran’s face, his battle for control. ‘take me beautiful, love me, own me.’

 

‘Yes!’ Ran’s eyes shot open and he pinned Yohji beneath him. He positioned himself and locked eyes with Yohji. ‘feel me Yohji,’ he began to slide in, short little strokes, sinking deeper each time, ‘me…only me….ever…me….ungh….mine …Yohji...’ he paused, holding himself in check, ‘is….is it ok Yohji?’ he panted, sweat dripping off him, panting with effort he opened his eyes that had clenched from being inside that tight heat.

 

‘beautiful Ran.’ Yohji breathed, ‘you are so incredibly beautiful. And mine…move baby, it’s perfect, move inside me… fill me’

 

‘ah!’ Ran called out, ‘yes Yohji, yes.’ He chanted Yohji’s name as he began to thrust, ‘Yoh…..ji…….Yoh…..ji……’ faster his pace increased, ‘Yoh..ji..Yoh..ji, Yohji!’

 

‘faster Ran! Harder! Pound me baby. Yes! Ran!’ Yohji’s hands clenched on Ran’s shoulders as he cried out calling his name as Ran stroked that spot over and over, ‘you’re so hot Ran, so big baby, ah! Yes! Ran! So…..so good. Oh….. Ran …. There! Yes! Ngh! ……yes,. ’

 

‘Yohji! ….i’m….. go……it’s …I …I can’t, I’m…. gonna…… Yohji! Yohji! Please, cum for me Yohji, I can’t …….it’s’ Ran pounded frantically, harder, faster, his rhythm growing more and more erratic as Yohji cried out, ‘Ran! Yes! That’s it baby, right-‘

 

Yohji arched up against Ran, clenching around him with legs and body, ‘Ran!’ his head thrown back, his cock pulsing between them, hot throbbing, his seed shooting forth.

 

‘yes Yohji! It’s here NOW!’ with two more deep thrusts Ran seated himself deep inside, ‘Yohji!’ he clutched Yohji to him, holding on for dear life, shudders wracking him again and again. ‘I …. I love you….. Yohji’ he breathed against Yohji’s neck.

 

The haze cleared slowly, he felt Yohji stroking his hair and his back. ‘I love you Ran, beautiful… angel, I love you.’

 

‘damn, that was something Yohji.’ Ran slowly rolled over onto his back.

 

‘you ok Baby?, Yohji rolled over, gently cleaning Ran with the wet naps kept at the bedside, then pulled Ran back into the crook of his arms

 

‘yeah,’ Ran panted, ‘yes Nissho, I’m ok, better than ok,’ he curled closer into Yohji’s embrace, his head pillowed on Yohji’s chest. ‘you are so amazing Yohji, just incredible.’ He cuddled closer, throwing one leg over Yohji’s, breath evening out. ‘hmm, this is just perfect.’

 

‘yes, perfect, and so are you. My perfect, beautiful angel.’ Yohji whispered into Ran’s hair, tightening his hold.

 

Cuddling in the afterglow, Ran began to slowly trace circles over Yohji’s chest and belly. Yohji ran his hands up and down Ran’s back, sensing a mood change. He held Ran tighter, kissing his hair. Yohji brought his hand up, stopping Ran’s circles. ‘lover? What’s wrong?’ he looked down at Ran’s face, hidden by his hair.

 

Ran took a deep breath, ‘Yohji? Can I ask you something?’

 

‘anything Ran, of course. You know that.’ Yohji’s voice betrayed an increasing worry. ‘what’s wrong Baby?’

 

Ran tilted his head back, looking into Yohji’s eyes for a moment. He reached up, cupping Yohji’s face. ‘nothing’s wrong love, it’s just a question.’ He looked down again. ‘it’s a silly question, I know it is, but….. it’s kind of important to me, the answer.’

 

‘then it’s not a silly question Ran.’ Yohji stated firmly, he lifted Ran’s chin, searching his eyes, ‘I love you beautiful. Ask me, anything, what is it?’

 

Ran sighed a little, snuggling closer, ‘I know…..we got together initially because you were just so…… sexy, gorgeous. I couldn’t take my eyes off you….still can’t. you’re just so… perfect. So exquisite….’

 

His voice trailed off a bit, ‘I know you came to me because…. you found me …attractive too………you’re always saying I’m beautiful, sexy.’

 

‘you are’ Yohji started, but Ran cut him off, ‘I..know. I know I’m…. attractive ..to others. I’m not…..’ he faltered, ‘I’m not just attractive or sexy to you because you love me, I know, now....’ He whispered now, then took a breath. ‘I also know I’m more attractive – beautiful to you because you love me….and that’s … that’s where the question comes in.’ he looked up again to find Yohji watching him, confused, worried.

 

‘what baby? What?’ Yohji whispered

 

Ran closed his eyes. ‘Yohji…..if…..if I weren’t……would you…’ he stopped. Took one slow deep breath and visibly steeled himself. ‘if I weren’t <beautiful> anymore, if I didn’t look good to you….would you still love me?’

 

he opened his eyes, ‘if I weren’t; perfect, sexy…..as you’re always telling me I am, if I were to change, get fat, go bald….. something’ he whispered, closing his eyes again. ‘could you still love me if you couldn’t look at me?’ he burrowed deeper into Yohji’s side, holding tight as Yohji lay there, processing.

 

‘what brought this on, Ran?’

 

Ran just shook his head, tensing.

 

‘Ran.’ Yohji’s voice was firm. He reached down, raising Ran’s face. ‘look at me’ he looked searchingly into Ran’s eyes. He took a breath, keeping their eyes locked he spoke.

 

‘Ran, if you gained a hundred pounds, if you lost all your hair, if every tooth fell out of your head, if you were crippled, crazy, in a coma…..no matter **what** happens - no matter how you look, how you act, if you’re sick, anything. I. LOVE. YOU. You. Not your body.’

 

He stopped a moment, tilting his head and grinned, ‘don’t get me wrong. I do love your body, your face, your hair, all of you. But, that’s not YOU. That’s not who you are. I will love you, desire you, always. Yes. We got together because of how you looked, but I fell in love with YOU. If you shave your head, if you were scarred, burned, wrinkled, gain weight, lose weight, forget who you are. If you lose your legs, got sick and needed 24 hour care, if you needed me to change a bedpan, bathe you, anything, you are still you. And I….love….you. even if something happened and you were in a coma, or paralyzed, or for some reason could never make love again, I’d die from missing this, from missing holding you, but I’d still love you. You’re a part of me. Not just a physical part, a soul part. Without you, I am no longer me. Understand?’

 

Yohji looked at Ran, caressing his hair, his face, ‘now. What prompted this, angel? You worried you’re getting fat?’ he almost grinned, then his eyes grew troubled. ‘Ran? Are you sick or something? Is there something I should know?’

 

‘No. no, Yohji. I’m not sick and I don’t _think_ I’m gaining weight. It’s just’ he sighed, ‘There was this woman this other day at the coffee shop near the gallery. I was waiting for Schuldig as he finished with the realtor. She was, she was with her friend, talking – crying. They were in the booth behind me. She was explaining that her husband won’t look at her anymore, touch her anymore.’ He looked down.

 

‘She’d been ill, had to take some medicine that caused her to gain weight, made her moody. She was so upset. She kept telling her friend how much she loved him, yet he wouldn’t touch her unless he was in desperate need of release or drunk. He made it plain to her he was disgusted with her now, with the change in her body. He didn’t find her attractive now. She cried because the doctor told her she has to keep taking the meds and it would be a while before she can hope to lose the weight. She just wanted to keep him loving her, who she was….’

 

His eyes hardened as he went on ‘I saw them when they left and met the bastard out front. The way he looked at her, the barely hidden contempt. And the way he looked at her thin, pretty friend. She kinda curled in on herself when he practically hit on her friend right there. I almost cheered when the friend slapped him, except I could see it made him angry and he was probably going to be worse to her.’

 

He squeezed his eyes shut, caressing Yohji’s belly, without even seeming to realize he was doing it. ‘I felt bad for her. The way she talked, they’d been very happy, she’d thought. The sex had been good, regular, you know – young love. But then, as she grew ill, and gained more and more weight, he wouldn’t believe when she explained about the medicine, wouldn’t go with her to the doctor. She was just so sad that he didn’t love her, desire her anymore, despite that she still desired him.’ Ran took a deep breath.

 

‘I know it had nothing to do with us, I know that. But, she told her friend how he’d always called her beautiful and now he hardly looked at her because she was different. He was stuck with her, and obviously wanted out….’ Ran looked up at Yohji again, ‘I just…..if anything ever did happen Yohji-‘

 

‘No Ran’ Yohji’s firm voice cut in. ‘No. don’t you lie there and tell me I don’t have to stay, or *be stuck with you* I am NOT stuck with you. I’ll never be STUCK with you. That guy was just an asshole. He obviously didn’t love her. He only thought with his cock. It was only physical. If you love someone, no matter how they look, they arouse you because it’s the one you LOVE. I am aroused by YOU. By giving you pleasure. It’s not just for me.

 

MY pleasure is made more by giving YOU pleasure. You are beautiful to me because you are YOU. Because I love you. If I were *blind* you’d still be beautiful to me.’ His voice hardened, ‘Would you love me less if I got in a wreck or something? If I were disfigured, or scarred up or cut off all my hair?’

 

he shook his head, ‘No. I know better. It never entered my head. Do you love me less because I do concerts and have slutty girls always hitting on me. Or because I’m not as smart as you? I’m not. I know that, never will be eith-’

 

‘No!’ Ran cut him off. ‘Yohji, no. I never meant-‘ Ran tried to sit up, but Yohji pulled him down so he was on top of Yohji’s chest, looking down into those fierce, beautiful eyes, now just a little moist.

 

‘is this why you didn’t wanna talk about marrying me?’ Yohji pouted, ‘You afraid I’m gonna cut out on you? wanted to keep things simple?”

 

‘No! oh Yohji’ Ran breathed, ‘I’m sorry. Please, don’t’ be hurt – I love you so much. I know you love me, I never really thought that way, it was just a tiny, silly worry. Not real.’

 

He leaned in, just holding Yohji tightly. Feeling those strong arms slide up around his back. ‘I trust you with my heart and soul Yohji. They are both yours, as I hold your heart and soul in me.’ He raised up and kissed Yohji soundly, until no shadow of pain remained in those amazing, beautiful, warm green eyes. ‘I would marry you Yohji. If you want it, if you need it. I just don’t think it matters. I’m already married to you, in my soul.’

 

“I’m sorry, so sorry, if I hurt you. I love you. Forgive me.’ Then, he thoroughly tangled both hands in Yohji’s hair and pulled slightly, ‘but,’ he growled, ‘I will hurt you – a lot – if you dare cut your hair without a _really_ good reason.’ He smiled.

 

‘oh really?’ Yohji grinned. ‘ a bit possessive about the hair, huh?’

 

‘yep. You’re mine. All of you. Including the hair.’ He leaned in again, burying his face in Yohji’s hair. ‘you know Yohji. I think you forgot something.’ He whispered.

 

‘hmmm?’ Yohji’s arm held Ran tightly to his side again, caressing down his back. ‘what Baby? – what’d I forget?’

 

‘well. I got you all sidetracked with my insecurities and you never got your turn.’ Ran said

 

‘my turn? What turn?’ Yohji looked up again to find Ran’s eyes darkening with desire. He felt Ran just slightly beginning to harden against his thigh.

 

‘your turn to tease me. To make me scream your name, beautiful. My beautiful Yohji.’ He whispered as he leaned in to kiss Yohji again.

 

‘hmmmm… I think I can do that.’ Yohji murmured. ‘I’d better hurry though. This could be my last chance to have you so willing to give in without a fight.’ He rolled them over, pinning Ran beneath him.

 

‘what?’ Ran asked. ‘what are you talking about?’

 

‘well,’ Yohji grinned. ‘Schuldig hasn’t had the chance to email you any skinny Yohji pics yet, so you have no recourse to resist my charms’

 

he leaned in to kiss the laughing Ran. ‘nothing to fill your sexy head with to ward off my skills’ he trailed his hot mouth down Ran’s jaw to that spot just below it that never failed to bring a reaction.

 

Just as he’d known it would, Ran’s breath hitched as Yohji ran his tongue up from that spot against the stubble just beginning to emerge, nipping as he went back down to that special spot. He nuzzled his nose against Ran’s neck as he breathed through his mouth, hot breath raising hot shivers as Ran’s breath began to speed up.

 

‘mmmm, yeah. That’s what I mean. So responsive…..even now, still. I know what buttons to push, huh Baby? You can’t resist me’ his right hand began to roam over Ran’s body as his left tangled in Ran’s hair just as Ran began to draw back. ‘ah-ah-ah, don’t start trying to fight it now baby, you’re all mine.’ He lifted his head grinning into Ran’s eyes. ‘you wanna play a little game angel?’

 

Ran’s eyes widened. ‘what game Yohji?’

 

‘well, how about you practice a bit? As I think about it, maybe it _would_ be fun, you *trying* to resist me. I mean, I know it can’t last _too_ long. After all, I KNOW this body. I know every button to push…but it might be fun to see how long you can hold out…’

 

as he spoke his hand continued to roam, but so, so lightly. Ghosting over Ran’s sensitive zones, not _quite_ touching, hovering a moment before moving on to a new area. As he stopped talking, he brought his hand to his mouth, sucking on his first two fingers a bit. He reached down, twirling them about Ran’s left nipple, flicking, pinching lightly, then back to ghost touches.

 

Ran’s breath stopped as he visibly steeled himself. ‘how-‘ he cleared his throat, ‘how would this game work, Yohji?’

 

‘simple baby’ Yohji moaned into Ran’s neck as he trailed down to the collar bone. ‘you can’t touch, and I * _won’t_ * touch – _certain_ areas, unless you ask me. It’s an honor system. You keep those hands fisted right there in those sheets, as you resist me. Be as still as you can, Ran. The more you move, the more points I get. When you touch me, or if you ask me, I win.’

 

He grinned up at Ran as he began to move down Ran’s suddenly taut body, obviously trying _not_ to buck upward into Yohji’s heat as he hovered over him.

 

Yohji held himself just above Ran, careful not to let any weight press as he crawled down. Finally he came to rest on his knees, sitting over Ran’s thighs. He kept his eyes locked on Ran’s half lidded ones as he ran his hands down the planes of Ran’s stomach, hovering just above his swollen, already leaking member.

 

Just hovering. He dropped his gaze, taking care to get as close as he could without actually touching. It wasn’t easy. Ran twitched and barely grazed Yohji’s palm. Yohji’s eyes shot up to Ran’s face as he heard the deep moan, seeing Ran arch his head back, his fists tightening in the sheet, teeth clenched, panting.

 

Yohji grinned. He drew his hands back and leaned forward. Moving himself to the side of Ran’s body he began top kiss his nipples, hand running over Ran’s tense, quivering thighs. He pressed to spread them open, running one hand up the inner seam, nibbling, licking his way down Ran’s body with his mouth as his hand moved up.

 

Caressing, stopping, holding until the heat built, then moving higher. Finally that hand cupped Ran’s balls, carefully NOT touching Ran’s shaft. Only the sac.

 

As that hand cupped and almost squeezed, Ran finally moved, squirming. ‘Yohji’ he moaned low in his chest. ‘Yohji’ only his name, no asking, hmm….. Yohji brought his hot mouth close, breathing on Ran, he spoke. ‘breathing isn’t touching Ran.’ He blew hot, moist air over Ran’s trembling cock. He leaned closer, ‘haaaaaaaaaaa’ like fogging a glass he breathed out.

 

‘Yohji! Oh!’ Ran bucked up a bit, but Yohji, ready, pulled back, smiling. He leaned back in and did it again, his mouth just over the head, ‘haaaaaaaaaa’ he breathed hot and long. His hand squeezing lightly on Ran’s sac which was beginning to tighten.

 

‘Yohji! I ….’ One of Ran’s hands lifted, then stopped short grabbing his own head. ‘’Yohji’ Ran moaned

 

‘it’s ok baby, just ask me’ Yohji breathed, his lips almost touching, ‘just tell me what you want’ he flicked his tongue out, just for an instant grazing the very tip of Ran’s cock.

 

Ran arched up. ‘ah! Yohji!’’

 

‘oops’ Yohji grinned, ‘I lose a point, my aim was off I guess.’ He chuckled, letting the vibration wave over Ran. He was so close to him… he breathed again ‘haaaaaaaaaaa’ up and down each side, as close as he could, ‘haaaaaaaaaa.

 

‘Tell me Ran.’ His hand cupping Ran’s balls, his other hand tweaking nipples, trailing over muscles. He dropped the hand from Ran’s sac to trail down over that line below them, tracing back and forth. His mouth moved down to the sac, he breathed hot again, ‘haaaaaaaa’ then he leaned in and took one in his mouth.

 

‘Yohji! Ok! Oh gods, ok! You win Yohji! Touch me!, suck me, anything, _*PLEASE*_ ’ Ran was thrusting up now, beyond any control. ‘gods Yohji, **please.** ’ He cried. His cock weeping a steady flow, oozing, begging for release. His hands twisted in the sheets as Yohji shot up, taking him in his mouth as his hands took a firm grip on Ran’s hips.

 

Yohji hummed as he sucked hard, pulling, swirling his tongue down the seam and over the head. He hummed again, squeezing Ran’s hips he pulled him up, deeper into his mouth, sucking, bobbing.

 

He felt it just before Ran’s cry, ‘Yohji!... Yohji, I’m….oh…..YES!’ Ran came hard, both hands now on Yohji’s head, fingers in his hair as he held him tightly to him as he thrust involuntarily up into that mouth. ‘Yohji … Yohji…. Lover.’ He rasped,

 

‘I love what you do to me.’ His hands dropped to his sides as he opened his eyes to take in Yohji crawling back up over his body.

 

‘I love you Ran’ Yohji planted kisses everywhere he could, all the way up. ‘making you cum makes me so hard. Sometimes I almost cum just brining you there, I almost did just now. I would have if I hadn’t held it. I wanted to.’ He kissed Ran then, lifted his head.

 

‘I wanted to watch your face when I cum. Wanted to see your face as you make me cum. Make me cum Ran. Touch me. I’m so close.’

 

He rolled them to their sides, grasping Ran’s hand in his own he brought it down to his hardness. ‘Ran’ he moaned as Ran gripped him tightly, ‘yes’

 

then Ran brought his own reawakening arousal into his hand as well. ‘Yohji’ he moaned, ‘you’re so hard, so big’

 

‘yes Ran’ Yohji moaned again as Ran pumped them together, squeezing, twisting. Ran leaned in to kiss Yohji. ‘tell me Yohji, tell me how you feel.’

 

‘so good….baby…so….good.’ Yohji’s eyes started to roll. He fought, bringing them back into focus on Ran’s face as his hips started to thrust too. ‘Ran…. You….only you….do this to me’ he thrust harder ‘Ran…I’m so ….so close.’

 

‘yes Yohji, yes,’ Ran leaned in licking Yohji’s lips, ‘cum for me Yohji, cum ON me, mine Yohji, it’s all mine. Give it to me’

 

Yohji couldn’t hold Ran’s gaze anymore as his eyes did roll back, ‘Ran’ he panted ‘Ran… faster…close….Ran…’

 

Ran squeezed, pulling harder, faster, holding Yohji’s body tight against him. ‘yes Yohji! That’s it… I’m gonna cum too Yohji...one more... keep…. Moving.. like that,…..push… against…..unhg!’

 

‘Ran!’ Yohji gripped Ran’s hips tightly, pulling them closer as he fucked Ran’s fist. ‘Ran!’ his eyes shot open, locking on Ran. ‘now Ran, here …it’s here….ahh!’ his hips stuttered as he squeezed Ran’s hips impossibly tight. Cuming, spurting, chanting ‘Ran Ran’ over and over.

 

‘yes Yohji, ….i’m here…. Too….just…just a …little’ Ran kept pumping, thrusting his own hips ‘Yohji! Feel me, Yohji!’ feel me cum again for you, ngh!’ his hand spasmed around them and he gave one more thrust before going rigid, holding Yohji tight,

 

‘yo…. Yohji …ah…ah.’ He panted, coming hard again, his whole body taut. ‘da…damn Yohji’ Ran panted s his humping slowed. ‘what you do to me.’

 

Yohji tightened his arms around him. ‘yeah baby, what we do to each other.’ Yohji pulled back and kissed him, soundly, lovingly. ‘forever Ran, we’ll do this to each other until we can’t do it anymore. Then we’ll tell each other stories wising we could get hard.’

 

He smiled and kissed Ran again. He reached over, cleaning them up again, then tucked them under the covers. He settled close, holding Ran in his arms. ‘sleep lover, dream of me….of us.. I love you.’

 

Sleep claimed them, entangled in each other as Ran breathed back, ‘yes love, always’

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

** CHAPTER 20 **

****

** Princess **

 

The Monday after Thanksgiving Schu and Brad returned to New York to wrap up the details of their move. After a late brunch they were sent off at the airport by the gang with much fanfare and teasing. Once they passed through security, the rest of the group piled back into the band’s van and made their way to Manx’s, and now Aya’s, condo. There they were met by various delivery crews with Aya’s myriad of purchases: bed frame, mattress, dresser, end table, bookcases, and asundry accessories. Most came in “assembly required,” so the group broke off into pairs or threes to get it all done. Aya and Manx called women’s prerogative and sat out the assembly line, instead keeping the guys set up with drinks and pizza, and hanging the wall mirrors, or washing the bedding and directing the arrangement of the pieces as the crews got them put together.

 

Jei and Ken worked on the bed frame with help from Yuushi, easily a three man job with the heavy oak headboard and railing. Ran and Yohji assembled the desk and bookshelves, while Omi and Nagi set up the bedside table and quilt rack. The girls unpacked the table lamp, clock, and bathroom set.

 

By sunset, Aya was well set. Her room was arranged, the bed made, and the clothes and other items she’d shipped ahead to Ran’s place had been brought over and unpacked. The bookcases looked sadly empty with only the precious books she couldn’t bear to be parted from and a few of her favorite CDs. Her friends in New York promised to wait for the freight company pick up, and the rest of her belongings would arrive within the week.

 

The gang all sat around Manx’s, and now Aya’s, living room, scarfing pizza and arguing over the virtues of electronic readers vs. print copy. Yohji was adamantly pro e-reader, while Ran and Aya were forcefully paper book. Omi of course supported electronics in any capacity, and Nagi supported Omi ‘s choice. Ken, really not one to read unless forced or having to do with sports stats, had no preference. Jei was split between the two, he could see the benefits of electronic readers, but just found something about the written word: the smell of the book, the weight in your hand.... Finally, they agreed to disagree and the various pairs began to head out.

 

Jei and Ken made no bones about heading home. Jei suddenly swept Ken into his arms, then slowly bent him back, one hand supporting his back with a knee strategically placed to keep his footing, and one hand cupping the side of Ken’s face. Jei paused for a moment, looking deeply into Ken’s stunned, wide, smiling eyes. “One more thank you Ken,” Jei intoned. He smiled, a slow sultry smile, then leaned in for a soft kiss, nipping at Ken’s lips, before he husked, “thank you, for romance.” He eased Ken upright, kissed him quickly on the forehead and stepped back. “Come on love, let’s go home.”

 

Spontaneous applause and delighted laughter erupted from the gang and followed the blushing Ken and the grinning Jei as they made their way out the door.

 

That was the cue for the rest to gather their things and say their good-nights. Omi and Nagi carried their plates and cups to the kitchen and gave hugs to all before making their way out, leaving Yohji shrugging into his jacket as he watched Jei press a flustered Ken against the side of his truck before ushering the chocolate eyed young man inside with a smile. Ran came up behind Yohji, placing a kiss against the back of his neck before reaching for his own jacket. ‘well, Aya, we’ll head out too. I’m glad you’re happy here. I hope you and Manx get on well.’ He turned from the window to find Yuushi watching him with an odd look. ‘can we give you a ride Yuushi? It’s not out of our way to drop you.’

 

Yuushi cleared his throat and stood straighter before speaking formally. ‘actually Ran, I’d like to speak with you, privately, for a moment.’ Puzzled, Ran tilted his head a moment, watching Yu, then ‘alright’ he answered quietly, following Yuushi toward the front porch.

 

Yohji laughed at the antics of the younger men arguing over who would drive the motorcycle out front, pretending not to realize what was happening behind him as Yu lead Ran out front and Omi pulled away from the yard. As Ran crossed out the front door, Yohji turned back to the room to face a fidgeting Aya and a grinning Manx as she cleared away pizza boxes. ‘Hey princess.’ Yohji smiled, it’ll be fine. You’ll see.’

 

Aya turned big, wide eyes to Yohji and he could see the nervousness there. He stepped forward, cupping her cheek. ‘really Aya, it’ll be fine. Ran loves you, he just wants what’s best. And he won’t scare Yu away. the boy’s besotted.’

 

She worried her bottom lip as she looked up at Yohji. ‘it’s just.... it’s taken him so long to ask me Yohji. Like he.... didn’t think it was... ok. He’s been different since Ran made that speech at Thanksgiving, more comfortable with himself. Like it gave him. I don’t know, courage or permission. I-‘

 

Yohji cut her off. ‘you’ll see. I just asked him to give Ran the consideration of a warning. We’re not going to interfere or hover, I just didn’t want him blindsided. He knows you better than you think, and I know he’ll give his blessing. Just, go slow, get to know each other, make each other happy.’ Yohji kissed her cheek, then took a step back as he heard the front door open.

 

Ran came into the room first, glancing at Yohji, then coming to take Aya into a quick hug. He leaned over whispering in her ear. ‘this is what you want?’ at her small nod, he hugged her tighter, then stepped back, holding her shoulders. ‘I love you Aya, you know that. Be happy.’ He kissed her forehead, then turned to take Yohji’s hand. Nodding at Manx he turned and led them out the front door. Yohji flashed a grin at Yuushi on the way out, and a quick wink at Aya, as he followed his love.

 

Manx discreetly made her way into the kitchen with stacks of cups as Yuushi stepped forward to take Aya’s face between his hands. ‘I know, in today’s modern world, I don’t need your brother’s permission to date you, but I also know what he means to you.’ he looked into her eyes. ‘I care about you Aya, I want to get to know you better and share myself too....’ he took a deep breath, ‘I’m sure you saw this coming, but... would you let me date you? let me take you out, spend time with you, let me spoil you.’ he leaned in and placed a light, gentle kiss on her lips, relishing in the hitch in her breath, the soft tremble under his hands.

 

‘I think’ he breathed against her lips, ‘I think we can have something, something special Aya. I want to find out.’ He kissed her again, still gentle, but allowing himself to deepen it just a little. She raised both arms to wrap around his neck, and ... melted in his arms with a soft sigh. It took all his willpower to pull back from the kiss. He held her close against him as he looked down into her flushed face, and sparkling eyes. Such deep black eyes, he could get lost in there, so endless... he traced a finger down her cheek and kissed her jaw, inhaling her soft floral scent before forcing himself to step back, taking her hands into his.

 

He cleared his throat, closing his eyes briefly before looking at her again. ‘let me take you to dinner tomorrow. We can go do some shopping, get a jump on Christmas, and see a movie. Alright?’ he kept his hands on hers, soothing the backs with his thumbs, feeling the soft, gentle shaking. She smiled, a sweet smile and nodded. ‘I’d like that Yuushi. Very much.’ She breathed then squeezed his fingers between her own.

 

‘Ok then.’ He cleared his throat and let go, stepping back further. ‘it’s been a bit of a whirlwind weekend. I’ll leave you to get settled, and I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon. Pick you up around four? We can shop first, then dinner.” She nodded again and he couldn’t resist leaning in for a swift kiss. Then with a wave he let himself out. Wrapping her arms around herself she gave a short twirl and a light laugh then threw herself through the swinging kitchen door with a cry, “Manx!”

 

Yuushi made his way down the walkway toward the car where Ran and Yohji waited. Yohji was grinning widely as Yuushi climbed into the car. ‘so? She said yes, right? Of course she did. What are you guys doing for your first date, hmm?’

 

‘just dinner and a movie, Yohji. Maybe some shopping. Nothing elaborate.’ Yu answered Yohji absently, attention more focused on the quiet man driving them through the evening traffic. Finally, Ran spoke as they pulled up at Yuushi’s place. ‘you don’t need my permission, Yuushi, as I said before, but.... thank you, for the respect given in speaking to me. I know I don’t have to give you the whole hurt her and die speech,’ a wry smile pulled at Ran’s mouth with that statement, and Yuushi shuddered, just a bit, ‘I’m sure you’re well aware of the consequences, but I am also sure that you are a man of honor and would not deliberately hurt her.’ Ran turned to face Yuushi, “and from what I have observed, she has just as much power to hurt you’ he looked intently at Yuushi for a moment before turning back. ‘just.... take things slowly at first, please. Aya has.... she has cared for you for some time, and she is.... not as experienced in this as many young women her age.’

 

“I know Ran. That’s definitely part of the attraction. She’s innocent, pure, more delicate than her tough act wants to let on. I see it. And I will cherish her, I promise you, I will not bring her deliberate hurt, and I will treat her with respect and honor. You have my word. Thank you Ran, for your support.’ He turned to clasp hands briefly with Yohji. ‘and thank you Yohji, for the encouragement, it meant a lot.’ He exited the car, ‘I’ll see you at the studio Yohji, take care Ran.’ he waved and watched the car drive away before turning to go inside.

 

As they drove away, Yohji couldn’t help but catch the small grin on Ran’s face. ‘what’s that grin for Angel?’

 

‘Oh, Yuushi’s in for more of a ride than he thinks, that’s all’ Ran said, grin growing wider.

 

‘what are you talking about?’ Yohji asked suspiciously.

 

Ran turned to him quickly, then back to the road. ‘she is delicate, more than she wants to let on, and she’s innocent, but she also has a temper to watch out for, and a wicked sense of humor. Once she gets past the shyness and wonder, and grows more comfortable, Yuushi will have his hands full. She’s rather like you in some ways.’ Ran tilted his head and considered Yohji while stopped at a red light, ‘although, I understand Yuushi handled you pretty well, maybe he can hold his own with Aya.’

 

‘hey!’ Yohji squawked, ‘handled me? He didn’t _handle_ me.’ He huffed as he leaned back into the seat. ‘hmph!’

 

Ran laughed as they pulled into their drive, ‘of course not. Forgive me. No one can handle the great Kudoh.’ He leaned over and pulled Yohji in for a deep, searching kiss that soon had Yohji moaning into his mouth, hands tangling in his hair, ‘No one but me.’ Ran rasped as he pulled his lips from Yohji’s and trailed them down his jaw, behind his ear. ‘mine’ Ran growled and began to suck at that spot, determined to mark Yohji this night. It wasn’t often his possessiveness came to the fore, but the recent reminders of the time Yohji’d been with Yuushi had him wanting to erase all those memories from the blonde’s mind, to make certain it was only his touch Yohji could think of, could feel when he closed his eyes....

 

‘yes Ran, always, only you’ Yohji panted as Ran marked him. He loved it when Ran got like this. They were secure in each other, in what they had, but there was nothing quite like a semi-jealous, possessive Ran to bring his blood to a boil. ‘handle me, Ran, mark me, own me... show me.’

 

Ran growled deeper in his throat and pulled Yohji in closer, only to yelp as the gear shift wedged between his ribs. Panting, the two men regarded each other a moment before Ran traced a hand back into Yohji’s hair tugging lightly. ‘bed, now Kudoh. Right. Now.’ He leaned in, biting the side of Yohji’s neck, eliciting a deep moan, ‘yes Ran, ahh’ before pushing back and exiting the car.

 

Ran led Yohji inside their home, fingers entwined, hearts racing. ‘I will handle you Yohji, mark you, own you.’ Entering the bedroom, Ran turned Yohji against the wall near the door as hands reached down and gripped Yohji’s hips, pressing him against the wall while at the same time, his lips found the pulse point directly behind his ear, sealing down on it and sucking harshly.

With a shuddering gasp, Yohji's own hands, which he had managed to raise to Ran's chest, curled into the fabric of Ran’s shirt, buttons popping, and his head instinctively turned to the side, giving Ran better access to that delicious slice of skin. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew it would leave a mark and as high as it was on his neck, there was no way he would be able to hide it with his shirt collar. That knowledge, of Ran’s desire to mark him so openly, combined with the feel of that hot mouth, caused a shudder to go through him.

"Ran." Yohji moaned and the violet-eyed man could not help the smirk that crossed his lips. Releasing the piece of flesh he had thoroughly marked as his own, he drew back to looked into those beautiful, green eyes that had captivated him since the first time he had seen them. They were glazed with growing passion, which brought another smirk to his lips. While his love was still gathering his senses, Ran leaned back in and captured those wonderful lips in a deep kiss.

Once again, Yohji found himself completely caught up in the actions of his lover as he willingly opened his mouth to Ran's questing tongue, allowing it to skim across his teeth and the roof of his mouth before it began sliding along his own. Panting as Ran pulled away from that mouth several long minutes later, he threw his head back, exposing his neck, vulnerable, submitting, giving himself completely. Ran following the cords of Yohji’s neck, nipping, sucking, while Yohji heaved, moaning as he sucked in huge gulps of air.

"Ran, wait." Yohji gasped as he felt hands begin to pull at his shirt, removing it from the waist of his slacks before starting on the buttons. Ran though, simply laughed against his throat before unbuttoning his pants and shoving his hand deep inside. "Ran, so good!" Yohji moaned when that hand closed around his already leaking arousal and began to pump.

"I've waited all weekend to have you alone like this." Ran growled, his hand tightening and fisting Yohji in quick, hard movements. “mine!”

"Ran... don't” Yohji panted, “I'm gonna--"

"Do it." the violet-eyed man demanded, leaning back to watch the longhaired man's face. "Cum for me Yohji. Cum now."

Whether it was the command in Ran’s voice or the firm hand stroking his cock, within seconds of the order, Yohji came with a sharp cry.

When he came back to his senses a few minutes later, he was surprised to find himself still standing, leaning against the wall, only somehow during the time he was out of it, Ran had managed to remove his shirt and was now pushing his pants down to his ankles. As Yohji blinked, Ran stood, then remained simply standing there, only a few feet away, staring at him with love and hot desire glowing in his eyes.

"You're beautiful." Ran whispered before stepping close once again and dropping to his knees. Yohji could feel his eyes grow wide at the position this now put him in but when Ran reached to his right foot, his expression took on a hint of confusion. "Step up." Ran instructed and Yohji did as he was told.

Working methodically, Ran untied and removed first one shoe and sock then slid Yohji's pant leg the rest of the way off before moving to the other. By the time he was done, the honey blonde stood before him in all his bronze glory.

Ran slowly stood, his hands moving up along Yohji's thighs, stomach and chest, purposefully grazing an erect nipple before sliding the rest of the way up and cupping his flushed, beautiful face. "I want to hear you call my name Yohji, I want to be the only thing filling all your senses. My Nissho, my lover, tonight I want to make you mine, all over again.”

"I am yours Ran, you know tha-“ Yohji started, only to be cut off when Ran claimed his mouth once again. With his body still strumming with the pleasure he had just been given, the green-eyed man instantly melted into the other man's embrace, his arms sliding up to grip Ran's shoulders.

For another few seconds, Ran kept his mouth moving over Yohji's, tasting and savoring before pulling back and stepping away, giving him an unobstructed look at the longhaired, toned body he loved so much. "Simply beautiful." he breathed.

Clawing his way out of his dazed state once again, Yohji made to move toward the bed. Ran though was having none of it and grabbed both wrists, holding them out so he could feast his eyes on the flesh before him. When Yohji tried to pull out of his hold, he tightened his grip momentarily in warning. "Stay Yohji. I'll tie your hands if you don't behave." the man stated in a low purr that, despite Yohji's best efforts, caused his cock to jump in reply, something that Ran immediately caught, bringing a small smirk to his face.

With Yohji's hands still gripped in his own, Ran began to walk backward across the room, headed for their bed. When the back of his thighs bumped against the mattress, he turned them, eventually situating Yohji with his back to the headboard.

"I've dreamed of you this weekend, Yohji." Ran said in a soft, husky voice, "There are so many things I dream of, that I want to do with you, to you. But tonight, I want to try something.... different."

"Anything Ran, always. What did you have in mind?" Yohji asked.

"hmm, well.... earlier, you seemed to like the thought of me tying you up." Ran smiled as Yohji’s cock jumped again, “yes, just like that..... let me own you tonight Yohji,” Releasing one of Yohji's hands, the violet-eyed man reached up and cupped Yohji’s jaw, his thumb rubbing gently over the bone. "Trust me, let me do this.”

"Yes Ran, oh yeah” Yohji breathed with a nod. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the headboard, “I’m all yours Angel, always am anyway, but ... yeah – show me Ran.”

“Oh I will.” Ran growled, “Stay, don’t move." Ran commanded, “stay very still."

Pulling back then, he gave Yohji a meaningful look before standing to undress at the foot of the bed. Turning and walking to the dresser he rummaged in the top drawer before standing back with a handful of old ties. Turning back he returned to the bed, climbing up between Yohji's legs.

"Lie back." Ran said, easing Yohji down on the bed until he lay with both hands over his head. Yohji did as he was told then watched as Ran took one tie and secured his right wrist to the headboard slats before doing the same for the left. Finally, Ran was satisfied, then reached down pushing one of Yohji’s well muscled, tan legs up and out, exposing him for Ran to gaze at freely.

"So beautiful. So hot Yohji." the red head murmured as he lightly ran his fingers along the inside of Yohji's thighs, drawing a sharp gasp and uncontrolled shiver from him.

"I--" Yohji began but was cut off when Ran suddenly leaned forward over him, one hand planting itself by his head, the other lightly covering his mouth.

"Shh." Ran breathed against his ear before pulling back to look deep into his eyes. "No talking. The only sounds I want to hear from you for now are sounds of pleasure, or my name."

Unable to answer even if Ran's hand had not been covering his mouth, Yohji could only nod his head in agreement, his wide eyes fixed firmly on the dark violet ones above him.

"Good, now I want to you to stay very still." Ran smiled, releasing Yohji's mouth and raising up from the other man's prone body. He took in the sight before him, before making his way down from neck, to shoulder, across those perfect pecs, down that taut stomach. He nipped, sucked, licked at that sweet hot flesh. Suction and teeth leaving evidence of his exploration, drawing cries from his love. He came to a stop situated between Yohji’s thighs, Yohji’s proud swollen member bobbing in front of his eyes. “So not Yohji, so hard.” Ran traced his tongue around the head, darting in and out of the slit, wresting his name from Yohji’s throat, “Ran! damn... ahhh.”

Ran applied some quick suction, bobbing for just a moment before rasing up to take in the panting, writhing Yohji. Then turning from the tempting sight before him, he reached over to the bedside table, easing the drawer open, and retrieving the half empty tube from within. He replaced himself back between Yohji's spread thighs before flipping the top on the lube.

"The first day I say you was an audition video WEISS had turned in to Krittiker." Ran told Yohji just before the first, slickened finger traced along his cleft, spreading the slippery substance in its wake. "I was working, ignoring the interns reviewing the submissions, until I heard this beautiful voice and I couldn't believe my ears. I had to see who could produce such tone, such.... control.” Ran smiled as Yohji’s breath hitched at the sensations of Ran’s hand inside him, combined with the other hand trailing over his chest, “I had to see you, and when I did.... I was amazed, you were so breathtaking, standing there, singing with all your might, with that smile on your face. I wanted you, right then. You have always made me want, Yohji."

The first finger continued to slowly and cautiously push its way inside Yohji's body and the longhaired man could not help the gasp that escaped his lips; his hands gripping the slats of the headboard tightly. “I want you Yohji. I want to hear you Yohji, tell me, moan for me, let me know you feel me.”

“Ran” Yohji moaned, “ngh... ahh, Yes.... mmmm, more Ran, deeper, faster.”

A short time later, another finger joined the first, drawing out a series of loud moans and cries from him as Ran alternated between thrusting them in sharply with twisting and scissoring them. “Ran! please Angel, touch me, suck me.” Yohji cried as he thrust his hips, looking for Ran’s touch.

Ran trailed his mouth over Yohji’s chest and stomach, teasing around Yohji’s throbbing, leaking cock. Letting his hot breath ghost over the tip....Finally, a third finger slipped in, and by this time, green-eyes were closed tightly as Yohji was pushing back onto them as hard as he could. “Ran.” he panted, “Ran.... inside me, fuck me Ran.... suck me.... Ran, nnnngh!”

"So responsive, always so sensitive to my touch." Ran muttered as he continued to thrust into the prone body before him, his other hand sliding down clench his own cock. "So hot, Yohji, so tight.” He squeezed himself, pulling long, hard strokes on his own cock “I can't wait to feel you around me."

In answer, Yohji only moaned louder when those fingers managed to graze his prostate, sending shockwaves of pure pleasure through his body. Ran razed across that spot again, and again, bringing Yohji up from the bed, “Ran!, Ran please...ungh, ah” Yohji panted. When the fingers were removed abruptly a moment later, he moaned once again, in disappointment.

"Don't worry," Ran husked at the sound the green-eyed man made. "you'll be full enough again soon."

Ran grabbed the lube and squeezed a good amount into his hand before covering his own cock, shivering at the cold tingle. Then gripping himself in one hand while using the other to push Yohji's right leg even further up and out, he lined himself up. Watching Yohji’s face, eyes locked, Ran pushed forward, breaching the tight ring of muscle and continuing forward in one long, slow thrust.

Through it all, Yohji could do nothing but moan. The feeling of restraint, combined with the way Ran had been teasing him and talking to him, the dominance surrounding Ran, had turned him on to the point that he was beyond feeling anything else. Then Ran was fully seated and Yohji took a gasping breath, green eyes wide, unfocused, head thrown back as he adjusted. Ran growled low against Yohji’s throat. “You are mine Yohji, I am yours, and you are mine,” Pulling back out to nearly the tip before pushing back in again forcefully, Ran bit Yohji’s shoulder before rising up, hands to either side of Yohji’s head, eyes glued to that face contorted in pleasure as he moved. “Mine”

Any thought of Yohji’s catching his breath after that went out the window. Ran set up a punishing pace, pulling out before slamming back into his more than receptive body. “Call my name Yohji, scream for me”

“Ran! Fuck! Yes Ran, fuck me Angel. Harder! Deeper!” Only a few minutes into it, Yohji could feel his orgasm approaching and he began pulling almost desperately at the ties that kept his hands bound. “Ran, my hands Baby, need to touch you, Ran!....ngh.. ahh!”

Ran groaned as he sped up his pace. He could see the near desperation in those green depths, knew Yohji was close, and while he wanted to see that beautiful face twisted in pure pleasure again, to watch Yohji’s body taut with release, he wasn’t done with him yet. Releasing the control he’d held since the instant he had entered that delectable body, he thrust forward fast, hard, “I’m going to cum now Yohji, inside you, deep inside, feel me Yohji!” His head snapped backwards as he clenched his teeth, held his body taut, pushing as deeply into Yohji as he could, and emptied himself into his soul, his love. “Yohji!” he cried, “Nissho!”

For several long moments, Ran remained in that position, braced above Yohji, his hips still moving in jerky, circular motions as he continued to ride out the last of his orgasm. It was the desperate groan and the motions from the body still bound below him as Yohji tried to find that friction he needed so desperately that finally brought him back. With a contented sigh, Ran carefully withdrew from that hot tightness that he could never get enough of, to Yohji’s gasp of “Ran, please!”. Then with deft movements, he quickly sat back, grasping Yohji’s cock in his tight fist.

"I want you to cum for me, Yohji." he said while watching those beautiful, warm eyes. "Give me your passion, now, while I am distracted by nothing, while I focus only on you, cum for me."

Whimpering with his need, Yohji raised his hips, throwing his head back, fists tight enough to whiten his knuckles. He knew once he started it would be over in no time and at that point he was beyond caring. Feeling as Ran wrapped his right hand firmly around the base of his shaft while the other slipped between his still spread legs to cup his balls, the blonde’s back arched up from the mattress. Fist holding him tightly, Ran began to stroke quickly. His lower hand slid down that cleft, pressing three fingers quickly inside with no warning, he pounded Yohji, brushing his prostate, pumping his cock hard and fast, eyes locked intently on Yohji’s face. “Cum for me Yohji, now!”

A few seconds later, Yohji’s back arched once again as jet after jet of pearly fluid shot from the tip of his cock, landing on his chest and stomach, a harsh, growling scream escaping his throat in the process. “Ran!”

"Beautiful." Ran whispered as he witnessed Yohji's second climax, hips stuttering as he rode it out. He kept up the motions of both hands, easing the pressure, until Yohji came to rest, the staccato motion of his thrusts easing off. "Simply beautiful.." Ran leaned forward to run his fingers down the other man's chest, gathering the semen there before lifting them to his mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head and a low moan escaped him when he tasted the man he loved.

Finally, leaning across Yohji, who was just beginning to stir once again, he carefully and gently eased the ties from around Yohji’s wrists. Gently massaging Yohji’s wrists and hands, he lay them gently next to Yohji, and softly cleaned up the remnants of his passion with the handtowel kept near the bedside before it in the hamper in the corner. By the time he had completed the task, Yohji had managed to sit up against the headboard.

Ran reached one hand up to cup the blonde's cheek. Yohji's cheeks colored at the action, just a bit, as he nuzzled against Ran’s palm. Ran smiled and leaned in to kiss those sweet lips. "That may be something that I plan to enjoy again very soon." he whispered once he pulled back.

Smiling, Yohji wrapped his arms around Ran’s neck and pulled him back down into a deeper kiss. "How about if I give it a try myself?" he asked before lying back and pulling Ran with him.

“Yes Yohji. I think that may be just as hot.” Ran nipped at the back of Yohji’s neck as he spooned against Yohji’s back, pulling him tight against his chest. Arms wrapped tight, he nuzzled Yohji’s shoulder. “There are so many more Thank yous that I have for you Yohji. So many Thank yous...” He breathed, “Thank you for desire, for trust, for love, for passion, for beauty... Thank you, for life, for bringing me to life and for branding my soul. I love you.”

“love you too Babe,” Yohji yawned hugely, snuggling back into Ran’s embrace. Ran held him as he eased into oblivion, following soon after to the lullabye of Yohji’s heartbeat.....

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

** CHAPTER 21 **

****

** housewarming **

 

The weeks that followed Thanksgiving were hectic, but in a happy, heart-warming way. Ran threw himself into the Christmas scene, enjoying it to the fullest; celebrating, participating, in a way he had never before. He and Yohji were together, Aya was awake, he found himself immersed in the joy of the season as he’d never imagined. He and Aya took it upon themselves to be “secret santa” to one and all, gleeful in a way that just blew Yohji’s mind. They even pressed him into service... Band members would find small packages anywhere from perched carefully on the drum set to carefully interlaced into guitar strings, to tucked under doors or windshield wipers. Nagi and Manx would get silly deliveries at all hours of the day, either in person or anonymous electronic gift certificates from various retailers. It took a bit before the gang figured out that it was Ran and Aya, Ran’s stoic calm broken only by the twinkle he could not dampen. Finally, the bouncing hyper-excited Aya just could contain herself no longer and the secret was out. Thus, the “elves” recruited more helpers for the biggest “visit from santa” yet....

 

Arriving the week before Christmas for their move, Schu and Brad were pleasantly surprised to find several small gifts in each room of the condo as they made their way through the home turning on lights, bringing in luggage and sleeping bags. In every room they discovered housewarming candles, new kitchen and bath towels, a small decorated tree.... They’d arrived two days ahead of schedule, wanting just a little special alone time in their new home before letting the others know they’d arrived. A day to two with sleeping bags since they’d arrived ahead of the furniture was so worth it to have that quiet personal time alone for their first night in their new home. In the kitchen they found pasta, sauces, and other staples stocked in the cabinets, duly decorated with ribbons and bows, and two six-packs each of Bud and Pepsi in the fridge festively wrapped. Drawn by soft light spilling from the open door at the end of the hall, they entered the room they’d dubbed the rec room to find the biggest surprise yet....

 

There in the center of the room sat a new, pristine pool table, with a big red envelope propped in the center against the ball wrack triangle. Walking toward the table a stunned Schuldig took in the foos-ball table in one corner and several bar stools in another. Wide eyed, Schuldig opened the card:

 

_Schu:_

_The little love packages all over the place are the work of Santa’s newest work-aholic elves, Ran and Aya, who are entirely too wrapped up in this whole thing. But anyway, the rec room set up is from all of us. A Christmas slash homewarming slash “bonding” gift. Pull the curtain on the wall behind you to finish it off. We love you man, and we’re happy you’re here with us, and that you and Brad are happy. Call us once you’re settled, and Christmas dinner will be at our place, no arguments. See ya Schu,_

_Yohji._

 

Bemused, Schuldig handed the card to Brad and turned to the wall behind him. A curtain was draped over the wall with a braided cord attached. He hadn’t even noticed the hanging, taken in completely by the pool table in the center. Reaching for the pull cord with the “pull me” tag attached he glanced at Brad who’d just lowered the card. Pulling the rope gently, Schu gasped aloud as the curtain fell. “Son of a-”

 

There, recessed into the wall was a large LCD screen, and below it a brushed aluminum sound system. The screen had a sticky note in the center “press play” it read, with a large arrow pointing to the remote perched on top of the DVD player below. Schu’s hand trembled as he reached for the remote and Brad stepped forward to take Schu into his embrace from behind. Pulling him back against his chest, Brad rested his chin on Schu’s shoulder. “some surprise huh Babe?” He asked with a smile.

 

Shaking his head, Schu chuckled and leaned back into Brad’s warmth. “It’s amazing Brad, just.... wow.” He reveled in Brad’s chuckled “You’re speechless, incredible,” and pressed play. The screen came to life and Yohji’s warm, rich laugh filled the room. The whole gang stood around the pool table, smiling at the camera as Ran’s distinctive red hair came into view as he made his way around from behind the camera to nestle into

Yohji’s arms, much as Schu rested in Brad’s now.

 

Jei cleared his throat significantly , then raised a hand with a silent count “1” ... “2” ... “Merry Christmas – housewarming – bonding!” they all sang out, then burst into laughter. Jei’s voice called them to order. “Schu. Welcome to LA. You too Brad.” He said dryly then yelped as Ken elbowed him in the ribs and laughed, “Really. Especially you Brad, since it is your vision that brought the two of you here so we can all be together. Chances are you are seeing this a night or two before the trucks come, if I know Schuldig. And I do. If you haven’t made it to the master bedroom yet, surprise. We set up an air mattress for you guys. If we’re wrong and you waited for the trucks,well, I doubt that, but if so and we are all watching this with you, then forget that part, I took it down before Yohji could test it. “

 

“Jei!” Ran snapped, “of course Yohji wo-“

 

“Hmm,” Yohji’s laugh cut Ran off as he turned Ran around in his embrace. “Should we christen the place for them Babe?”

 

“NO!” came a chorus from the group before Ran could protest. Yohji chuckled darkly and looked straight to the camera, “Well, now you’ll wonder won’t you Schu?”

 

“No. He wont.” Ran sternly glared at Yohji then turned back round to the camera. “You wont wonder Schu, Brad, I promise.” He glared back over his shoulder at Yohji a bit then relaxed back against him with a huff.

 

Aya giggled and waved. “Well. We will see you guys in a bit if we’re not watching this with you. Manx and I will be over with breakfast Friday before the trucks are due to arrive. Not too early, around 9-ish. Sleep well. She and Ran and I have a whole stack of bonding ceremony things to go over with you guys. Bye!” She turned to take Yuushi’s hand, leading him out the doorway, “c’mon Yuushi, you’re buying me lunch.”

 

“Of course beautiful, anything you want.” Yuushi bowed gracefully and kissed her hand. Giggling, she led him from the room.

 

Ran’s fond gaze followed them out, then Manx came forward. She waved brightly, “Merry early Christmas guys, we’ll see you Friday,” then she, too, was gone. Omi and Nagi left hand in hand with a cheerful call from Omi, “Can’t wait until you’re living here, part of us again Schu, welcome home”

 

Jei, Ken and Yohji straightened up a bit as they left, all three solemnly looking a moment at the camera. Ken spoke first, “You’re our brother Schuldig. We love you man, you know that. By extension, we love Brad too. You’re family now, ceremony or not. Thanks. Like Jei said, thanks for moving him here. These two” he nudged against Jei and hooked a thumb over at Yohji, “They need you around even more than the rest of us I think. Anyway, welcome home. Hope you like the rec area, don’t worry. We’ll break it in for ya real good soon enough.” He flashed a grin, then took Jei’s hand and tugged a bit.

 

Jei watched the screen a moment then, “Yes. Welcome home Schuldig. Finally.” He turned and followed Ken from the room.

 

Ran remained quiet, content in Yohji’s arms. Yohji smiled at the camera. “It’s good that you’re back with us man. Email just doesn’t cut it, ya know? I hope you’re both happy here. And judging by the way your eyes light up when you touch Brad, I am guessing you’d be happy in a shack as long as he was there with you. Merry Christmas, and happy bonding. Both of you.” He kissed the top of Ran’s head and Ran smiled, “Merry Christmas.” Ran flashed a quick grin, then his eyes softened, “And,happy bonding. You really are good together. We’ll be here with Aya Friday too. See you then.” He stepped forward and turned off the camera and the screen went blank.

 

“Wow” Brad murmured. Schu couldn’t find his voice, shaking his head as he looked around the room again. Brad chuckled, “You really are speechless? You must be tired. Come on lover, let’s go check out that air mattress and see if I can revive you a bit.” He led Schuldig down the hall to the bedroom. “Time for US to christen our new home.”

 

“Our home” Schu murmured, “I like that love. I like that a lot” He followed Brad around the corner into the master bedroom.

 

Just inside the doorway they dropped the last of their bags and took in the air mattress set up, complete with comforter and pillows, and the wood stacked in the fireplace just waiting for the spark to light it and warm the room. Brad made his way to the fireplace while Shu turned to the bed, pulling back the comforter and dropping their bags on the floor.

 

Kneeling, Brad adjusted the kindling and struck a long match to start the blaze. Coming back to the bed, he started to speak when Schuldig reached up, pulling Brad down, “Shut up and kiss me.'

Brad leaned forward and gently pressed their lips together. It was a soft, chaste kiss to begin, but Shuldig changed that. He gripped Brad's arms and pulled the brunette closer, deepening the kiss. Brad shuddered a bit and let a small gasp of surprise pass his lips. Shuldig used the opportunity to slip his tongue past the soft lips, into his warm mouth. Shuldig left no part untouched. His actions coaxed a small moan from the brunette's lips.

Brad was slowly falling into a haze of pleasure, letting Shuldig do what he wanted. The next thing Brad knew, they were both laying on the bed, with Brad pulled down onto Schuldig. Shuldig had quickly relieved the both of them of their shirts, gently removed Brad’s glasses, and now explored the brunette's bare chest. Brad’s own hands explored just as eagerly.

Schu gasped sharply at the feel of those hands, so deft at putting his vision to paper with his artistry and his drafting tools, those thumbs and fingertips, slightly calloused from his favorite hobby of shooting at the range. As those talented fingers traced the back of Schu’s neck and found a nipple, one giving a twisting a pinch, while the other cupped the back of Schu’s neck, holding his head at a slight angle Brad’s hot mouth sucked intently, tongue swirling, forming hickey on the right side of Schu’s neck, Schu cried out, breathless, “Brad, ahh.”

Brad’s hands then traced down to Schu’s pants and unbuttoned them. Schu moved his hips just right so that Brad could get them off for him. The process was repeated once more, until both were bare naked on the bed.

Shuldig ground their hips together rather roughly, drawing a moan from Brad as their members were rubbed together. "Oh damn Schu! Love,” he panted, “I want you, want to be inside you, fill you.”

“yes Brad, please” Schu moaned, “fill me up baby, so hot, so hard.” Schu wrapped his hand around Brad’s length, pulling gently while squeezing tight. “Now Brad, hurry” he gasped as he rocked himself against Brad’s hard stomach.

“ok” Brad gasped, “Ok, hold on” he stretched over the side of the mattress for the duffle bag tossed there, rummaging in pockets while Schu continued to squeeze and pull, all the while nibbling and suckling on Brad’s neck and jaw line. “Hurry Brad” Schu panted, “I need you lover”

“Got it!” Brad crowed as he lunged himself back up to hover over Schuldig. He stayed there a moment, holding himself up on both hands splayed on either side of Schuldig’s chest, just taking in the sight of a flushed, panting Schuldig, eyes hooded, licking his lips. Brad couldn’t resist and leaned down to take Schu’s bottom lip between his teeth, pulling back gently he flicked his tongue over that lip then let it fall. “I love you Schuldig, my lover, my mate, my life. I am going to make love to you, here in OUR bedroom, of OUR home, and forever you will remember this first night.”

He turned to look over his shoulder to glance at the stars shining through the window set high in the wall, allowing the moonlight to come spilling in, “Whenever I see the moon now Babe, it will bring this to mind, you, laid out for me, shining in the moonlight. My fae one, with the beautiful eyes, enchanting hair, and the sexiest damn mouth ever.” He leaned in for another kiss as he popped the cap from the lube in his hand and made short work of preparing his impatient lover.

Schu’s head rolled back, eyes tightly closed as he lost himself to the sensation of his lover’s touch, thrusting, stretching, questing deep inside to rub against his pleasure center, “Brad” Schu moaned deeply as he wriggled to nudge Brad’s long fingers back to that spot. “Take me lover, now Brad, inside me, please”

Panting, Brad aligned himself and reaching up with one hand he cupped Schuldig’s jaw, encouraging Schu to look into his eyes as he pushed in slowly, unending, one long slow push until he was seated, holding Schu’s eyes the whole time. Once in place, he traced the edge of Schu’s jaw, whispered “I love you” before quickly pulling out and thrusting back in, deep. “Brad!” Schu cried out, clenching Brad’s biceps, rolling his hips forward, arching his back, “Yes Brad, more Brad, ahh... ahh... ngh” he called out with each thrust, until his cries dropped to wordless sounds as he pushed back. He raised his arms until he was wrapped around Brad, pulling him tight against himself, pressing his own hardness into Brad’s lower belly.

“It’s here Brad, right here, don’t... don’t stop, please” Schu panted as he increased the pace. Brad thrust faster, deeper, pressing down to pin Schu to the bed, keeping their bodies close, sweat dripping off his face, onto the top of Schu’s head now curled in against his collar bone. “Cum for me Schu, lover, Cum for me, christen our home. Cum with me! Schu, Schul....dig!” Brad cried out, unable to hold back as he felt Schuldig tighten around him. Letting loose a keening cry, Brad arched as hard as he could, pushing himself as deeply into Schu, trying to become one with his love. Schu clenched impossibly tight around him, he knew he’d have bruises on his shoulders from Schu’s fingers digging in.

As they came down from their heights, they entwined themselves together, too sated, too far gone to worry about a shower for now. “sleep Babe, wrapped in my love” Brad murmured against Schu’s neck, lightly stroking his fingers through that beautiful hair as he felt Schu go boneless against him, nodding off. Soon enough they’d wake, he’d drag Schu to the shower, they’d freshen up, and start again. After all, they had all the time in the world now to enjoy their home together, starting with this night, and continuing the rest of their lives.....

 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

** CHAPTER 22 **

****

** Christmas **

 

Christmas dinner was a riotous, warm, affair. Ran and Aya’s elf impersonations aside, the group decided to do the drawing of names to exchange gifts. Of course, none could resist one small gift for the rest too, but the agreement had been to make this - - their first Christmas when all were together as a true family in so long - - to make it a true old fashioned, family holiday. To keep the commercialism factor to a minimum. One person (significant others aside) to focus on, to buy or make a gift for. Something uniquely suited to that person. Thus, the gifts were well thought out, warming hearts and minds:  


Jei received a set of custom made Japanese knives for his cooking fascination from his “elf” Brad. Brad was gifted with an antique pistol and case from a shy, nervous Nagi who’d noticed Brad’s pre-occupation with firearms: “to start, or add to, your collection.” Nagi mumbled, and Brad smiled. A slow, amazed smile that quiet Nagi had picked up on his hobby unnoticed by the rest, except for Schuldig.

 

Nagi in turn received a slew of wireless or remotely controlled interface equipment to his wide-eyed amazement, from a smug, grinning Schuldig. A Schuldig, who in turn, was stunned to open Jei’s gift of new video equipment and software. At first puzzled, Schu turned to Jei “Well, I had a few thoughts there Schu.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck. “First, of course you love taking pictures. We all know that. But, you’re gonna be traveling a lot with Brad. And, you have a once in a lifetime Union ceremony coming up next week. Gonna be making some memories. Then, there’s the tutoring thing. Make some discs of some lessons, then you can keep your kids on track when you have to travel with Brad maybe.”

 

Jei leered then, flashing a quick grin, “Besides, I saw Brad’s face when gave Thanks at Thanksgiving dinner for the invention of the web cam. Maybe this can come in just as handy when he has to travel without you, hmm?” The raucous laughter of the group drowned out Schu’s indignant squawk, and only Ran caught Brad’s muttered “Oh I hope so.”

 

Omi grinned with delight at the gaming set he found in his gift box, and turned in bouncing excitement to Yohji. “Happy Omitchi?” Yohji asked, “not too impersonal?”

 

“No Yohji. It’s perfect” Omi beamed, “now I can set Nagi up with a character in each realm. I- “ Yohji held up a hand, “I’m glad you like it bishounen. But you know I have no clue about that stuff, and you know it. Just have fun with it. Merry Christmas.” He grinned and rested back against the sofa, leaning into Ran.

 

A Ran who stiffened slightly with eyes widening with shock as Yuushi came to kneel in front of him. “Yuushi? What -?”

 

“Ran.” Yuushi solemly intoned after watching him quietly for a moment. He then slightly lifted the long, narrow gift box he carried and laid in lightly on Ran’s lap, keeping one hand on the box to balance it. A quiet fell over the group at the formal moment as Yuushi sat there at Ran’s feet, waiting.

 

Ran’s eyes flicked to Yohji but found only confusion, and a hint of... what?..... there. Then he glanced at Aya. She smiled warmly and gave a slight nod. Taking a slow breath, Ran turned back to Yuushi. He carefully took possession of the box and slowly unwrapped it. Lifting the lid he gasped, eyes flying to Yuushi’s. Laying cushioned in a bed of foam there lay a katana encased in a carved black teakwood sheath. The Japanese characters carved into the sheath read ‘honor, strength, truth’

 

Shaking hands carefully lifted the sword from the box, then wide eyes flew to Yuushi again. “Yuushi, .... is this?...” Ran rasped. At Yuushi’s nod Ran carefully eased the blade from it’s casing revealing a sakabato – a rare sword with the blade edge reversed to the inside of the blade. A sword carried by those who’d given up the death and dishonor of war, those sworn to defend the weak, to uphold peace and honor without bloodshed, to bring others to understand self-acceptance and trust.

 

Running a reverent hand over the blade, Ran whispered, “Yu... How, where?” Yuushi smiled, patted Ran’s knee and stood. “You are also a man of honor Ran Fujimiya. A man of conviction, more than any I have known. I am honored to call you friend and family” Yuushi bowed a formal bow and left a still blinking Ran holding the sword close as he went to Aya leaning against the wall. He kissed her lightly, then took her drink to refill it.

 

Nagi stood and followed with his own and a few others. By the time they returned, Ran was more composed and used the lull in conversation to catch Ken’s attention. “Ken” he said quietly, as he presented an elegantly wrapped box from under the tree. “Merry Christmas Ken.” Ran smiled and laughed as Ken’s face was split by an eager smile and he dropped to his knees right there by the tree to rip into the box.

 

The silence that followed as Ken stared into the torn open box lasted so long that Ran began to worry. He glanced at Yohji with a vulnerable, “I’ve done something wrong” look in his eyes, that Yohji just hated. Pulling Ran in close beside him Yohji turned to Ken. “well Hidaka? What the hell is it?”

 

Ken’s head shot up, wide eyes searching out Ran’s own. “Ran” Ken whispered, obviously awed, “how?” he trailed off and the group reacted to the building tension, bursting out almost in sync” WHAT Ken?”

 

Ken shook himself, then looked around. He reached into the box and pulled out a soccer ball encased in acrylic. It was covered in squiggles all over in shades of blue and gold, team colors of Ken’s beloved LA Galaxy. Shaking slightly, Ken sat the case down gently and lifted out a padded envelope. He turned to Jei after opening it and staring for another long moment. “Season starts soon lover. Think you can keep up with me?”

 

His grin then blossomed to cover his face, eyes sparkling. He dropped the envelope into the box and launched himself at a shocked Ran to glomp him in a fast hug to take in the impossibly wide eyes. “THANK you Ran. Thank you SO much. After we’re done, please PLEASE, tell me how you did this.”

 

Ran blinked and smiled. He patted Ken on the shoulder. “I’ll tell you now Ken, it’s ok. A player, a goalie I think, actually was a customer at the gallery. Bought a landscape painting.” Ken’s eyes began to bug out as Ran went on. “I overheard him talking to the young lady with him and figured out he was a player. I offered him a discount if he’d help me out with a gift for a friend.” Ken sputtered, “A... a ...player? Goalie? Do.... do you mean Saunders?” His voice squeaked at the end, his excitement getting the better of him.

 

“Yes, I believe that was his name.” Ran answered, eyes twinkling. “He’s picking up another painting later this week, Wednesday I think....” He smiled at Ken. “So, I take it you like the present?”

 

“LIKE It??!!” Ken squealed, “Ran! You have no idea –“

 

Yohji cut him off, “Oh contrare Ken Ken.” Yohji drawled, “I think we ALL have exactly the idea how happy you are.”

 

The group laughed and Ken blushed, returning to Jei’s embrace, only to bounce up again, “Oh! Wait!” he turned back to Ran “I will definitely be at the gallery Wednesday, you just tell me what time. I promise not to glomp him.” Then he turned to the tree and reached under it to pull out an oversized package. Turning to Yuushi he presented the box to him. “Merry Christmas Yu.” He said, then returned to Jei’s side on the sofa.

 

Yuushi grinned and tore into the package. A puzzled expression crossed his face as he took in the contents of the box. Glancing at Ken, he lifted out a small powder blue life vest, followed by a tacklebox overflowing with goodies, and several smaller bags containing CDs, two bottles of red wine, and strawberries and cheese packed in dry ice, and a bag of puzzle books and markers. Taped to the tacklebox was a printed photo with the words, “I’m in the truck.” The photo was of two surfboards, skiis. Yu looked from the photo to Ken, then to the rest of the group.

 

Ken chuckled. “well Yu, I know how much time you spend on that boat of yours. And right now it may be cold, and the novelty with Aya is taking precedence, but sooner or later you’re gonna miss it. Don’t lose this part of you. Make it part of her too. Take her out. Show her this side of you. Now she’s got her own life jacket, some goodies to keep her busy while you cast off, and wine and strawberries for under the stars. The surfboards and skiis are for later obviously, his and her sizes, Ran gave me your show size Aya. You gotta teach her to surf and ski man. Bonding time, right?” Ken grinned again.

 

Yuushi cleared his throat “this is an amazing, thoughtful gift Ken. Just incredible. Really. Thank you.” Ken nodded, looking Yuushi in the eye for a moment, before turning to Manx who’d cleared her throat to break the spell. “Well Aya” She said, “My turn roomie.” Manx pulled out a small shoebox sized gift and presented it to Aya.

 

Aya smiled and carefully, with as little tearing as possible. Opened the wrapping. Ran groaned at the snail’s pace and Yohji grinned. “paper saver huh?” he whispered into Ran’s ear. “You have NO idea” Ran moaned. “She’s always been this way. It’s enough to make you crazy. Even when,” Ran swallowed hard, but quickly went on, “even when she woke up and I brought her all the gifts I’d collected while she slept, she opened them all this way. It took two days.”

 

Aya’s laughter chimed from across the room. “Yes Ran. It took a while. But, it served it’s purpose at the time, to distract you for a few hours from Yohji’s absence at the time.” She smiled a soft smile at Ran and reached over to pat his thigh. “And, it made a good memory for that day.”

 

Ran swallowed, and covered her hand with his own. “Go on silly,” he nudged her, “open this one. Everyone is waiting.” Giggiling she did so, then gasped with delight as she sat the tissue paper from inside the box to one side. “Oh! Manx. This is wonderful!” She lifted from the box a handful of gift cards. “This is... too much Manx!”

 

“No it’s not.” Manx said “Trust me. The guys pay me well. And with as busy as they get, you will have lots of down time. And with the move, you NEED it. Replenish yourself, spend some time on you.”

 

“What?” Omi asked, craning around to try to see the cards Aya held. “What is it Manx?” Laughing, shaking her head, aya held the cards so all could see. “Certificates for several shops and salons & the relaxation spa. A girls dream, pampering and shopping. Wonderful.” She smiled at Manx, missing Omi’s ogle then look of dismay.

 

He shook his head, “Well. Damn.” He said quietly, but just at a lull, causing it to sound out loudly among the group. “What omittchi?” Yohji asked, leaning forward, “something wrong?”

 

“Well, I hope not.” Omi said mysteriously as he reached for a gift bag next to him, “Every girl’s dream, huh?” Omi handed the bag to a mystified Manx who laughed as she lifted out her own set of cards, almost a match for Aya’s. “Well roomie, looks like we’ll have our own bonding time” She laughed and hugged Omi. “This is perfect Omi. I would never buy this for me, really, I’ve given these as gifts, but.... well....it’s a bit much to do for yourself. This is perfect. Thank you, really”

 

She beamed, and Omi’s relief was obvious. “Well. You spend so much time taking care of us, it’s time you took care of you. And now, you have a friend to do it with too.” She laughed and hugged him again. “Thanks Omi.” Omi grinned a bit wider and shook his finger at Manx. “I also know how much you enjoyed the CrabShack. Masato gave me quite the deal when I mentioned who those cards were for.... hmmm, I think he may just be looking forward to them being cashed in.” Manx blushed warmly and quickly out the box away, clearing her throat. “Well. Aya, we’ll have to go over calendars this weekend and plan out some girl time.”

 

“Oh, that would be great Manx, wonderful” Aya gushed as she put away her own bag. Straightening, she turned to Yohji. “well, I guess we saved the best for last, huh?” she giggled as Yohji primped outrageously and batted his eyes at her “what did you get me Princess, what is it?” he leaned forward eagerly. Aya watched him for a bit, smiling at his antics, then stepped over to the hall closet.

“huh?” Yohji watched her confused, as she came back from the closet dragging a rather large box. “Aya?” he asked as she pushed it to a stop at his feet. As he reached for the flap, she cried out, “Wait!” and reached between the tree and the wall. She pulled put a large, flat, wrapped... something. “I confess,” Aya began as she held the flat item just out of reach, “ your gift is actually kind of for you AND Ran. Part of it’s for you, but part is for both of you. But, well, I couldn’t give you your part without giving Ran his, so....”

 

She trailed off as Ran sat a bit straighter, forehead creased with confusion. “Aya? What is it?”

 

“Shh Ran. You’ll see in a bit. I’m..... sorry, it took so long to get this to you. There just never seemed to be a good time, and – “ she cut off and took a deep breath. “Never mind, you’ll see soon enough.” She turned to Yohji holding out the flat item. “OK. This one first, then the box, together.” She released the gift into Yohji’s hands, then stepped back to lean against Yuushi to watch.

 

Yohji glanced at Ran, then pulled the paper down the middle. As the wrap fell away, he called out, “Aya!” His eyes flew to hers, as did Ran’s, before taking a moment to glance at each other. Their gaze turned back to the item together, and they reached as one to remove the last of the paper. They both just looked for a moment, until Omi burst out “Well? What is it already?”

 

Laughing, Yohji looked up, took a deep breath, and turned the gift around. It was a collage of photos. In the center was a photo of Yohji and Ran together, laughing, from their first Thanksgiving together at Schuldig’s. a blow up of the one Yohji’d carried in his wallet for so long. The love and laughter shining from them both. Surrounding that picture were picture after picture of Yohji and Ran. Some grainy, some clear; many recognized as at Schu’s place, some from the tour bus, some from the park during that first Labor Day, others more obscure.

 

Ran looked to Aya as Yohji smiled at Schuldig. Both spoke at the same moment “Schu?” “Aya?” They laughed, and shook their heads. Aya’s tinkling laughter rang out, underscored by Schuldig’s chuckle. “I’ll answer, shall I?” Schuldig asked. Aya smiled and nodded, and Schu went on. “Yeah Yohji, you’re right, I helped out a bit. We’ve exchanged some serious emails these last few weeks. My picture taking obsession is a little more well known than I’d believed. He glanced at Jei who chuckled darkly, and then went on. “Anyway, yeah. Many are from y collection. The box has more. Solos of each of you, several of the group in various combinations, some from school, and-“

 

He was cut off as Yohji squealed out sharply, “School?!” Schu blinked before laughing a full out laugh. “No Yohji. Not THOSE. Later – senior year or so” He shook his head and turned to Ran’s raised brow. “Those pictures I have scanned to a jump drive for you’re own, alone, separate amusement later Ran.” Finally Schu could hold back no more, and burst out laughing.

 

Shaking his head, Ran turned to Aya as she cleared her throat. “Also in the box, Ran, are photos of... us Ran.” He voice dropped to a whisper, “Even some of mom.” Ran’s eyes flew wider as she froze a moment, before his gaze fell to the box. “mom?” he asked quietly, gaze returning to Aya, searching her face. “How Aya?”

 

She took a breath. “After you freed me, apparently Persia ordered all my belongings left at the mansion to be destroyed. But Mona kept them instead, hoping to find a way to contact me.”

 

“Mona” Ran breathed.

 

“She quit right after she boxed everything up to be “disposed of” and she put them into storage. She found me shortly after you moved here. Her granddaughter was enrolled at the University with me and recognized me one day from some of Mona’s photos. I wanted to surprise you Ran. I’m.... sorry, really, that it took me so long to bring them to you. I didn’t want to mail them....”

 

Ran’s gaze dropped back to the box, and he softly ran a hand along the edge. “Babe,” Yohji asked quietly, “Why don’t you and Aya go through these? Schu can help me get the cake and cocoa together.” Yohji stood and pulled Aya into a big hug. He breathed against her hair, “Thank you Aya. So much.” He kissed her temple and sat her in his place on the sofa. He grabbed Schu by the collar and tugged him up.

 

“Ok you,” he mock growled, about that flash drive,” laughter followed the two out of the room. Then so did Yu and Brad. The rest turned to their own gifts, leaving Ran a Aya some time to themselves.....

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Got a little sidetracked here, but this side chapter begged to be written, and it just wouldn’t have worked if I’d tried to squeeze it in after the wedding ceremony, so.....surprise! (it’s worth it. Promise)**

**CHAPTER 23**

 

 

Yohji watched from the kitchen doorway for a moment, taking in the tender look on Ran's face as he traced the photograph of the two of them briefly, before pulling Aya into his arms for a close hug. Eyes closed, face buried in her hair, picture still delicately held in one hand up to the side, Ran smiled. Yohji grinned and turned to cut the cake smiling at Schuldig, “okay you,” he mock growled, “spill , where's this evil flash drive?” Schu’s grin lit up the whole kitchen and his singsong voice rang out, “I'll never tell. That's for me to know and Ran to find out, oh brother mine.” Laughing he patted Yohji on the back as he sliced the cake then turned to pour the cocoa, “Merry Christmas Yohji, Merry Christmas.”

 

They returned shortly, passing out cake and cocoa, to find Ran sitting quietly gaze locked on a small framed picture. Yohji leaned in for a closer look. The picture showed a young solemn red-headed boy and a beautiful, if obviously ill woman. The boy stood in front of the woman reclined on the chaise lounge, her arm around his waist, his small hand resting over hers, his head leaning against her shoulder. Her eyes shown with love as she gazed proudly down at the boy. Ran traced a finger over the woman's hair and his breath caught. Yohji's eyes flew to Ran’s face, eyes widening at the sole tear tracing down one cheek.

 

“Oh Ran” Yohji whispered and pulled Ran into his arms, back against his chest. Running his fingers through Ran's hair, he asked, “You okay Angel?” Ran took a deep breath and smiled a small smile at Yohji “yes, I just... I have no photos of her. This is the first time I've seen her, seen a picture, since Aya was injured. I miss her still. Even after so long. It's silly – “

 

“No it's not Ran. Of course you miss her, matter how long” Yohji said softly. “He’s right Ran” Aya’s voice came from the other side, “it's more than okay to miss her no matter how long. I'm sorry it took so long to get these to you.”

 

Ran shook himself and sat up. Running a hand over his face, he put the photos back in the box. Before he could speak, Aya turned to Yohji. “there are more photos in there of us growing up.” She smiled, “some of Ran playing silly dress-up at Halloween, and other compromising photos. I thought you'd enjoy those Yohji”

 

Yohji smiled “You better believe it Princess. Ran and I will go through them all, one by one, but for now” He leered quickly, “it's time to lighten things up! Therefore, my present to me!” Yohji leaned over to reach into the branches of the tree and pulled out a ridiculous looking oversized Elf hat with a sprig of mistletoe tied to bounce over the top. He solemnly placed the hat onto Ran’s head and intoned, “I hereby declare this to be “Kiss Ran Day.”” He then leaned in without any further warning and proceeded to kiss Ran breathless.

 

Sitting back, taking in Ran’s wide eyed, somewhat dazed expression, he laughed. “I’ll clear these away, Angel. Be right back.” Yohji stood lifting the photo box, katana and poster and made his way to the bedroom. When he came back to the living room to find a wide-eyed Ken watching Jei bending Ran backward for a kiss, he exploded. Just a little. “”Hey! What the hell?!”

 

Jei wrapped up the kiss, standing Ran back on his feet. “well, you _said_ it was kiss Ran day.” He mock pouted, he then turned and pulled a somewhat stiff Ken into his arms, kissed him tenderly until he started to melt, and began to twirl him around the room in an impromptu dance. “I had to give it a shot, just once, while the opportunity was there.” He grinned at Yohji as he stood sputtering.

 

Yohji glared at Jei a moment before sweeping Ran into his arms. “Well. I **meant** YOHJI kiss Ran day. Not YOU kiss Ran. Or anybody else, either.” He growled low, and tipped Ran back. Deeper, further than Jei had, causing Ran to reflexively catch at the hat as he laughed up at the sparkling emerald eyes of his lover. Yohji leaned down and kissed Ran until Ran melted, arms coming up to wrap around Yohji’s neck, hat forgotten. He continued the kiss, wrapped tightly around Ran until they both actually began to forget the others around them and Ran moaned softly. He stilled in Yohji’s arms at Aya’s soft giggle, and Yohji slowly brought them both back to a standing position, grabbing the tip of the hat between his fingers on the way up.

 

Placing the hat back on Ran’s head, he mock glared around the room. “mine” he growled, as Ran blinked his way back to the present. The others laughed as Ran got his bearings and turned to scowl at Yohji. “kudoh” he warned before snatching the hat and placing it on Yohji’s head. Yohji’s eyes rolled upward to catch a glance at the hat, then snapped back to Ran’s as Ran placed his hands on either side of Yohji’s face. Looking into Yohji’s green gaze, Ran growled fiercely, “mine right back.” Before leaning in and kissing Yohji breathless right back.

 

The laughter all around faded from his radar as he concentrated on the treasure in his arms. Ran leaned his head down onto Yohji’s shoulder, dropping his arms down around Yohji’s waist, and stayed there. Swaying lightly into a slow dance to the soft carols playing in the background.... he leaned in slightly to breathe against Yohji’s neck, “I love you Yohji. Merry Christmas.”

 

Yohji smiled, a soft, warm, tender smile as he gazed down at the crimson head pillowed in the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of Ran’s head and squeezed gently. “I love you too kitten,” he murmured, and couldn’t help but grin as Ran purred softly and leaned in closer while they swayed softly.....

 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

 

Jei glanced again at a quiet Ken who still hadn’t turned from the view outside the passenger window. Nothing else had earned an actual response, so Jei decided to try some shock factor. “So, Ken,” he said casually, getting a soft, “hmm” in reply. “I’ve decided we should have kids. I’ll carry if you’ll do permanent diaper duty. How’s that sound?” Still delivered in a conversational tone.

 

Sure enough, Ken nodded absently and murmured. “Sounds good Jei.”

 

Jei went quiet and just waited. After a bit, as though the words had replayed in his head, Ken blinked and finally turned to look in Jei’s direction. “wait. What?”

 

“Well, at least now I have your attention. I tried everything else short of tossing my drink at you. You’ve been zoned out since I pulled onto the I-10. What’s wrong?” Ken dropped those soulful, chocolate eyes to his lap. “Nothing.” He pouted as he rolled his shoulders in.

 

“Nothing?” Jei asked quietly, “Oh no gorgeous. It’s something alright. Talk to me.” He watched from the corner of his eye as Ken began to wring his hands, still not looking up.

 

“Really Jei,” Ken said softly, “It’s nothing important.”

 

“Nothing important.” Jei repeated flatly. “Whatever it is has you pulling away from me. So, it is absolutely important.” He pulled into their garage and parked the truck. Turning in his seat to face Ken, he reached over taking one of Ken’s hands into his own. “Ken. Anything that takes you from me is not only important, it’s a top priority.”

 

He stopped and waited until Ken raised those beautiful, deep brown eyes to his own solitary, golden honeyed orb. Oh how he loved to drown in that deep chocolate gaze of Ken’s. Squeezing Ken’s hand he pinned Ken in place with the intensity of his own one eyed regard. “I waited so long to have you be mine Ken. To be yours. I can’t just ignore something that threatens that. You haven’t been this distant for a long time and it can’t be blown off. Tell me. What. Is. Wrong?”

 

Ken sighed softly and reached out his free hand to carress Jei’s face. Deliberately tracing the scars tracing Jei’s face, running his fingers over the ridged, scarred flesh at the edges of Jei’s eye patch. Letting that hand come to rest at the back of Jei’s neck.Ken leaned in until his forehead was pressed into Jei’s shoulder. Cooperating, Jei allowed the move, releasing the hand he held to bring his arms around Ken’s waist. Squeezing gently, he pulled Ken just a little closer and breathed in the citrusy woodsy smell of Ken’s silken locks. “I love you Ken. I need you.” He whispered around a suddenly tight throat. “You know that right? “

 

“I do know Jei. Really. That’s why this, this thing that’s..... bothering me, is.... so stupid. I know it’s stupid. But, I can’t seem to help it. And I don’t wanna tell you and upset you, or ... hurt you, or anything. Ok? Just.... let it go. It really is nothing. Honest.”

 

“Ken. The only thing that’s gonna upset me is to see _you_ upset. So give. Tell me what it is. I’ll laugh it off with you, or do whatever to fix it, but you gotta let me in on this Tiger. C’mon.”

 

Ken sighed again, then sat back. “Fine. Let’s go inside at least. It’s cold. We can talk over some soup.”

 

“Sounds good,” Jei smiled, releasing Ken and climbing out of the truck to follow his Tiger inside.

 

Once in the house, Ken made straight for the kitchen. He really didn’t want to have this conversation..... really. He sighed, _again_ , as he ladled two bowls of soup from the crock-pot and set the table. He busied himself getting crackers and drinks while Jei put away their gifts and jackets. Finally, there was no more putting it off, and the two sat facing each other across the table.

 

Jei indulged in a few bits of the very good vegetable soup they’d put on that afternoon, but when it became obvious Ken was just going to coast, maybe hoping Jei would forget about it, he sat back, leaving his spoon on the plate next to his bowl.

 

“Ken.” He said. Just one word, quiet, calm, but Ken flinched anyway... Yes, this had to be done. Now. “Talk to me Tiger.”

 

Setting his own spoon down, Ken pushed his bowl aside and leaned on the table, arms crossed, head hanging. He huffed his bangs out of his eyes, and began.

 

“I love you Jei. Sometimes, the way I love you.... kinda.... scares me. Not, not really scares I guess..... more....” he sighed, “It’s just so much MORE.” He kept his head down, and pulled in a little tighter. “What I had with... with Omi, was... sweet. Tender. Young. I did love him, but.... God, not like I love you. What we have is.... powerful, intense, real. And... just.... more. I dunno, fiery, strong, sexy, hot, passionate.”

 

Finally he looked up, “and not just passion in bed, though,” he blushed, “ that part is really, really great. But the passion is more than that. I.... I need you, in a way that sometimes catches me off guard. And I want you, not just in bed, as much as I want you in bed, I want you more.... with me. Mine. Sometimes I.....” he trailed off a minute, then clenched his fists and raised his eyes to lock onto Jei’s. Swallowing, hard, twice, he went on. “I get.... I get jealous Jei. Crazy jealous sometimes. When... when fans come at you, and hang on you, there’s a part of me that just... sees red. It sparks the madness in me like I haven’t had to deal with since high school. Most of the time, I can swallow it back. And if I, cuddle more, or mark you more when we’re together next, well... you like it rough sometimes, and I figure it’s ok. It’s not like I’m using you or anything, we both come away sated, happy.....”

 

Suddenly, he burst into motion, shoving himself back from the table,, fists into his pockets, he began to pace, like a caged cat. Even growling a bit in his throat as he forced himself to go on. “ When you kissed Ran today, I just... I wanted.... Aaahh! You’re MINE Jei. Mine. And ..... I know that. And I know I really have no right to SAY it, push it but-“

 

He came to an abrupt stop when he was caught from behind in a tight embrace. “you have _every right_ Ken. Every right, always, to both say and show it.” Jei murmured into Ken’s ear as he held him tight back against his chest. “I AM yours. Even more than you are mine Ken, I am yours. I have been yours for a very long time. Much longer than I think you realize. Before you and Omi even knew what you had, my heart was yours. I just didn’t have the courage to do anything about it. As tainted as I am – was, I could never approach you. You are so... pure, so... clean. I was so afraid of tarnishing you, I held back. I thought Omi would be so much better for you with his innocence and brightness so much like your brightness. But then, after you guys let it go, I realized while you are in no way tainted like me, there is a part of you that is darker, harder to hold onto. And that, maybe, I could help with that. I understood it, after all, that darkness. We are right Ken. We fit. We ... balance. You cleanse my taint, make me whole in a way I’d given up on ever finding. And, I can help you keep the darkness you fight with at bay.”

 

Finally, Jei turned Ken in his arms, cupping his face between his hands, he stared into Ken’s eyes, murmuring quietly, “but only if you let me. Only if you tell me. Yes, sometimes, I like it “rough” I like it when you get territorial. But, I need to know when that is more than just passion overload, when it is something else. I especially need to know when you feel threatened, in any way, about _us.”_

Ken started to speak, “ I didn’t feel _threatened_ by Ran, I mean he’s –“

 

But Jei cut him off. “Maybe not deep down. You know how much he and Yohji love each other. You KNOW Ran would never give that up. And I know you know how I feel about you, how I would not give THAT up, but something touched you.” He leaned back, just watching Ken for a moment, before a dawning came over him and his eye narrowed, as his lips thinned. “Ken, you DO know how delicious you are....right? I know I tell you, but, please... please tell me you are not just taking that as crazy Jei is biased tripe. You have to realize how fucking hot you are. Seriously.” He glared at Ken a bit as a sheepish glint entered Ken’s eyes.

  
“Ken. I did not kiss Ran because I thought he was beautiful or sexy. Ran is a very nice looking man, but trust me, he could not hold a candle to you. Ever. I only kissed him to get a rise out of Yohji.” He shook Ken, just a bit, as the obvious disbelief flashed across Ken’s face at the thought that Ran wasn’t any more attractive than he.

 

“Ken, dammit. You are.... so much more than Ran. You just don’t _see_ it” He began to run his hands over Ken’s arms, across his abs, “You are toned, athletic,” he kissed the side of Ken’s neck, down across his collarbone, “Your skin, golden, tanned and healthy.” He ran a hand up under the back of Ken’s shirt, leaning in to trail kisses over Ken’s face, “Your eyes, like my own sweet chocolate syrup.... “ he kissed each one, then down the side of Ken’s jaw, and back behind his right ear to that spot that often caused Ken’s knees to buckle, “your hair...” he nuzzled in, inhaling deeply, running the fingers of his left hand through the hairs at the nape of Ken’s neck. “And most of all Ken, you _see me._ Aside from Yohji, you are the only one who truly sees _me._ Not Jei the bassist, or Jei the chef, or Jei the scarred freak.”

 

That statement seemed to finally pierce Ken’s daze as he jerked back, and grabbed Jei by both arms, bringing the trailing kisses to a sudden halt. “Jei” he growled as he glared, “You are NOT a scarred freak. Those scars are all hard won. You survived shit that would have so many giving in, giving up. You are beautiful Jei, inside and out. Your scars do not take away from that beauty. They are part of you. And I love you. You are mine, scars and all.”

 

He reached up to again trace over Jei’s facial scars, hand coming to rest next to the eye patch. “Yes, I am sorry about the loss of your eye, but not because of how it makes you look, or how you think it makes you look, but only because of how I know it makes you feel. And, maybe because it gives me one less beautiful, honeyed eye to lose myself in.” He looked Jei steadily in the eye for a moment, before leaning into Jei’s strong arms, dropping his head to Jei’s shoulder. After staying there that way for a bit, he spoke quietly. So quietly in fact, that Jei had to strain a bit not to miss anything.

 

“I think Ran is... classy, poised, sexy, in a way my own clumsiness can’t touch. And to see him in your arms, you _kissing_ him, I.... damn Jei, I almost lost it, right there. If Yohji hadn’t come back when he did, I probably would have done something.... pretty bad. Aside from declaring you mine, loudly, I.... I was very close to... hurting Ran. And it... kinda scared me. I mean, I like him. He’s a nice guy. Yohji loves him, but .... damn, just the _thought_ that you might want him.” Ken shuddered in Jei’s hold, “I can’t lose you Jei, I know you’re supposed to want whatever makes your love the happiest, but to even _think_ of you with anyone else, especially someone like Ran who outclasses me like that, I...”

 

Ken’s voice faded and he shuddered again, leaning in close to Jei, holding on tight as he fought anger and jealousy and despair all at once. Jei held him back, just as tight, as he growled out, “Ken. He does NOT outclass you. You are not half the klutz you think you are. And I told you before, you are beautiful in a wholesome, real way that Ran could never be. And Ken, “ now Jei leaned back determined to look Ken in the eye. “You have every right, and my unqualified permission, to declare me yours at any time, in front of any audience, in any situation or place. I am yours Ken, feel free to tell the world.”

 

He grinned here, and Ken began to see that not only was Jei consoling him, reassuring him, Jei seemed to even look forward to some blatant caveman displays.....hmm...he could work with this. “I do huh? Unqualified? Mark you, claim you, for all the world to see?... ok. I think I will.” Ken smiled, a hot, promising smile, as he leaned in to kiss Jei. Hard, passionately, hungrily.... he pulled back, and ground out, “mine Jei. All mine”

 

Jei moaned as Ken leaned back in to latch onto his neck. Head thrown back, fingers tangled in Ken’s hair, Jei gave full voice to his desire, “Yes Ken! I am yours, mark me Tiger, own me.”

 

Ken pulled back from the blatant, almost bruised mark just below Jei’s jawline, and took Jei by one hand, leading him toward the bedroom. “Yes.” He growled.

 

Entering the bedroom, Ken pushed Jei toward the bed. “Strip lover. And wait there.” As Jei began to loosen his belt, Ken detoured to the closet. Reaching into the back of the right side, he emerged with a small wrapped box. “I got this for us for Christmas, but... “ and a hint of shyness entered his eyes before he hardened his resolve and squared his shoulders, “I was nervous, about it, but.... now... I’m not.” He looked firmly into Jei’s eye for a count of five, before looking down to unwrap the box, releasing Jei to begin on the buttons of his shirt.

 

Jei watched as Ken finished removing the wrap, and revealed a plain, black plastic box, with a latched lid. Ken glanced up once at Jei, who by now was working on the button fly of his jeans, before reaching into the box and lifting out something black and leather. As Jei stepped out of his jeans, Ken stepped in closer. Jei was able to make out a set of cuffs and what looked like.....a harness or...no. A gag maybe. Jei stood, undressed, erect, anticipating, just watching Ken as he caressed the implements in his hand and looked over Jei, eyes lingering on his hard cock jutting out proudly.

 

Ken smiled, and dropped the things onto the bed before stepping forward to kiss Jei. “Undress me lover,” he husked as he nibbled Jei’s ear. His hands and tongue never stopped as Jei’s sure strong hands removed first his button shirt, then his pants. Finally, Jei’s own hands began to explore, and that’s when Ken pulled back. “Ah ah ah. Nope. Tonight you are mine alone. You can’t touch.” And he leaned over for the cuffs.

 

A glance at Jei to make sure this was all ok, and oh how it was, and he slipped the cuffs up over Jei’s wrists. Guiding Jei by the straps, he pulled him toward the bed. “Up” he said with a slap to Jei’s flank. He pulled back the comforter and sheet as Jei climbed into the middle of the bed and lay down. Grinning, he reached over his head to the slats of their headboard, obviously eager for Ken to secure the cuffs.

 

Ken grinned then, all traces of worry gone. He purred a bit and leaned down to bit at the side of Jei’s neck as he reached for the straps. “You are so gonna love this Babe. I promise.” He secured Jei’s wrists, then raked his nails down the sides of Jei’s body as he slid down toward his ankles. Reaching behind, Ken grabbed the other set of cuffs, then stopped with a small frown. “what?” Jei asked, but then Ken grinned, “got it” and jumped up.

 

Latching one cuff to Jei’s left ankle, eh threaded the end of the strap through his own belt tossed nearby on the floor, and reached down to secure it to the leg of the bed. As he made his way around to the other side, he answered. “Well. Guess I didn’t think about the fact that we don’t have a footboard, really. But this time, this first time, I want arms and legs secured.” He fumbled with the straps a bit until he was happy with the right leg, then grabbed the gad and climbed back up the side of the bed. “I want you completely at my mercy this time. Wholly mine....” he carefully pushed Jei’s hair away, and then stopped, looking for Jei’s consent before going that extra step.

 

Jei smiled warmly, and answered before he couldn’t anymore “I told you Tiger. I am yours. Body, heart and soul. Have your way with me Babe. If you feel good, I feel good. Promise.”

 

Ken leaned in and kissed him then. A soft, tender kiss, full of promise, before he pulled back and carefully secured the gag in place. It was one of those kind with an opening. Holding Jei’s mouth open, but hollow in the middle, so he could feed him, or put that hot mouth to other uses.... Ken’s cock jumped at the thought, and he had to close his eyes for a second as a wave of desire coursed through him. His eyes snapped open, and there was a fierceness there that wasn’t present a moment before. “I love you Jei. Remember that. But, tonight, I can’t be gentle. I WANT you, so much. I want to own you. And I will.” He leaned in then and kissed the side of Jei’s neck as his fist suddenly wrapped tightly around Jei’s hard cock and pulled.

 

Jei arched up, eyes rolling back, as a sound came from his mouth, a primal, wordless sound, around the edges of the gag device. “Yes” Ken hissed, as he pumped Jei’s cock a few more times. He stopped suddenly and Jei made a sound of protest, eye flying to Ken’s face. Ken’s eyes were half lidded, face flushed as he panted lightly. “Not yet. Too soon.” Ken rasped as he sprawled across Jei to reach for the nightstand. He fumbled the drawer open, grabbing the lube there, before climbing back up. He tossed the tube onto the mattress, then straddled Jei and climbed upward.

 

It was instantly apparent what he wanted, and Jei felt himself harden even more if that was possible. Ken drew closer and then up onto his knees as he positioned himself to ease his cock into the gag’s opening. “Suck me Jei” he growled, “suck my cock. Hard, hot, tight” he kept his hands tight on the headboard, watching Jei intently to prevent losing himself and fucking Jei’s mouth too hard. With the gag, Jei couldn’t push him out, couldn’t tighten his lips to hold Ken back, could only take that cock in, and Ken didn’t want to push too far without warning, to bruise or hurt.

 

“Suck me, ungh!” he rocked a bit and Jei moaned around him, “yes” he whispered, “Yes Jei, you are so good....nnnnh, so.... good” he rocked a little harder, a little deeper, and his fists clenched harder as Jei tried to swallow around him, the edges of the gag digging in... he pulled back until it tickled the ridge of the head of his cock, then thrust back in.....”ah!” the vision of Jei wrapped around him like this, helpless, hard – he glanced back and Jei’s swollen hard cocked bobbed at him, wanting him, surrendering to him.... Ken jerked back from Jei’s mouth, knowing he couldn’t really swallow, and let his release spatter over Jei’s face, down his neck, he rubbed the aftershocks against Jei’s neck, against his ear.

 

Ken panted a minute before he opened his eyes to take in the sight spread out under him. “so hot Jei. You are so hot.” As he caught his breath, he eased back down Jei’s bowstring tight body until he was sitting on his hard cock, trapping Jei between their bodies. “I am going to fuck you Jei, so good, so hard, you will lose your mind.”

 

Ken reached down to pinch the head of Jei’s cock peeping out from under his ball sack and was rewarded by a strangled cry and Jei arching up. “oh yeah You want it don’t you babe? So hard, so hot....” Ken reached for the tube next to his leg and drizzled some over his fingers, “Watch me Jei, watch me...” he then displayed his athletic abilities and pushed himself up off Jei’s body with his legs, holding himself perched over Jei, spread out, he reached back and began to prep himself. Jei’s eyes opened wide as he took in the sight. Muscles taut, contorted into the position, on display for him... and the realization that Ken meant to fuck himself on Jei’s cock, this way, at Ken’s mercy for every touch, Jei moaned... pushing up just a bit, eager for that tight heat.

 

“Oh, you want this?” Ken asked coyly as he continued to pump those fingers in and out. Jei nodded furiously and voiced what he could. Ken eased himself back down, grabbing Jei’s cock in his slick hand and smeared lube all around. Holding Jei straight up, he positioned himself and held Jei’s gaze as he began to sheath Jei’s cock into his body.

 

“Oh Jei,” he moaned as Jei threw his head back, with a call “Ahhhhhnnnnggg” hands wrapped tightly around the ends of the straps confining his wrists, legs pulling against the bindings holding him down, he bowed, pushing as much as he could to get deeper into that blissful hold. Ken fell forward then, both hands flat on Jei’s tight abs. “ooh yeah Baby. So hard, so big”

 

He began to rock, grinding in circles then back and forth brushing his prostrate now and then, clencing around Jei..... Jei pulled on the straps, using the leverage to lift himself, to fuck his love, pushing up as much as his straps allowed, but unable to get the leverage with his feet held down, legs mostly straight. He was totally at Ken’s whim, and Ken loved it. He bounced, and twisted, and rocked until Jei was panting around the gag, eyes rolling back, then suddenly Jei went completely still. Bowstring tight, a gargling cry ripped from his throat as he exploded into Ken. Ken felt every throb, every spurt of hot seed pulsing into him.

 

“Yes Jei!” he cried, “fuck yes!” he reached down then and grabbed his own swollen cock, “Ahh!” he pumped furiously and just as Jei began to come down, Ken found his own release, clenching tightly around Jei’s sensitive cock, milking another spasm from him as he screamed, “Jei!”

 

Ken lost himself for a moment, coming back to find himself sprawled across Jei, hands tight on Jei’s biceps. Jei was still panting slightly and Ken realized he couldn’t really catch his breath with the gag in place and he reached up to loosen, then remove the gag. He grabbed the water bottle that was on the night stand and eased Jei’s head up until he was able to swallow a few sips. Satisfied that Jei was ok, though a bit worn out, Ken began to undo the buckles around his wrists.

 

As soon as they were free though, his plans for Jei’s legs were put on hold as Jei reached and pulled Ken into a tight embrace. “Fick Ken.... you are so hot!... so....” He gave up on words, pulling Ken in for the kiss he’d wanted now some time now, devouring Ken’s mouth. Finally he let Ken escape, and fell back against the pillows. Ken grinned, brushed his hand against Jei’s mouth, and went about releasing his lover from the rest of the straps. He bounded from the bed, returning with a warm, wet cloth, and cleaned Jei up quickly and tenderly.

 

Dropping the cloth into the hamper, he crawled up into Jei’s embrace, pulling the covers up and over them both along the way. He lay there, against Jei’s side, with Jei’s arm securely wrapped around him and studied the profile of the man he loved for a moment. Jei’s neck was a bit of a mess. He’d allowed his insecurities to let him get a little carried away. Both sides of jei’s neck left little doubt to his activities, and the red lines crossing Jei’s pecs and scoring his ribs added to the impression. Good thing they didn’t have anything pending with the press for a while with the wedding set within the week.

 

Shit! The Wedding! Schu would kill him.... Maybe the marks wouldn’t be so bad by New Years...

 

Jei turned his head just in time to catch the widened eyes with just a touch of fear and the pouty frown that followed.

 

“What’s wrong Tiger? Don’t worry about any of those. I loved every one of ‘em.” He reached to kiss Ken, but Ken pulled back. “The wedding .” he said, and At Jei’s puzzled look, elaborated. “Schu? Pictures?” Jei grinned, a huge, brilliant grin. “Oh yeah! Pictures! Suck up some more Tiger! Darker, bigger. Proof that I am owned, and that you are my fiery, passionate Tiger.”

 

Ken laughed and shook his head. “You’re crazy. But, maybe Schu won’t kill me. Only a few are above the collar line for the dress shirt..... oh well, I wouldn‘t take it back, so guess it doesn’t matter.”

 

“Damn right it doesn’t. I’m yours. Nobody else’s. you feel free to brand me Tiger, any time.” He waggled his eyes at Ken, then had to stifle a yawn that snuck up from nowhere.

 

Ken chuckled and snuggled in close, resting his head on Jei/s chest. “Merry Christmas lover.”

  
“Oh yeah, very. I wanna play with our new toys some more, that’s for sure.” He pulled Ken in tight against him and rolled over to look down into Ken’s eyes. “ I love you Ken. My tiger. He leaned down and kissed Ken a slow exploration of tongues, sucking on Ken’s bottom lip. Nibbling a moment before pulling back. “I need you, want you, desire you, LOVE you. You are a part of my soul, so deeply entwined that without you, I am not me. Remember, Tiger. There is no one, anywhere, that has a bigger part of me than you.” he leaned down, planting a teasing nip on the end of Ken’s nose, then resettled them with his head pillowed on Ken’s chest and his arms tight around Ken.

 

Ken ruffled Jei’s hair, then traced his fingers down and eased the eye patch off. He massaged Jei’s temples. Ran his fingers through his hair where the strap dug in a bit, and tossed the patch to the bedside table. Pulling the chain for the lamp, he plunged the room into darkness and wrapped his own arms around Jei.

 

“I love you too Jei. All of you, Every inch. You are my anchor, my strength, my confidence and my life. Without you, I lose me, you keep me together. Good night lover.” He trailed his hands thrpugh Jei’s hair until he felt Jei melt into the total relaxation of sleep, then followed shortly after, a whispering sigh escaping as he faded, “My Jei.”........

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER 24**

**Bonding**

 

Schuldig trembled as he adjusted his tie, just barely, but Yohji noticed. “Schu,” his voice broke the silence of the room as he gripped Schu’s shoulders. His emerald gaze locked with Schu’s own in the free standing mirror. “you can’t be nervous. You KNOW he loves you. I know you do.” Schu took a deep breath, reaching up to cover Yohji’s hands with his own. “yes Yohji, I do know it. It’s just... this makes it more.... you know. Now it’s not just “I’ve changed my mind, or “I want out” – it’s more, you know.... I know we are forever, I love him. Trust him. I just can’t believe..... He knows me, so well. To see the fear hidden inside me, that I didn’t even realize was there. It’s gone now, and I only realized it was there when it vanished when he proposed.” Schu turned, “I love him so much, sometimes.... it floors me.” He grinned, “Thanks Yohji, for giving up your New Year’s Eve for my silliness, to stand with me.”

Yohji’s eyes widened, “give up? I didn’t give up anything, I can think of only one way I’d rather spend my midnight.” He leered, “and I’ll just ring in the dawn of the new year after we send you guys off.” He chuckled as he pulled Schu in for a quick hug then stood back. “now, let’s do this. Your love awaits.” He bowed a sweeping bow toward the door, laughing.

As he stood, he gently patted the right pocket of his pants for the small box there, turned Schu around and cracked the door open quietly. He listened for the music that was due to play any moment. Within seconds, the soft strains of Three Days Grace, “Lost in You” began to play from the speakers mounted at the end of the hall. Movement caught his eye, and he saw the door at the other end of the hall open, and a head of crimson poked out. Violet orbs locked with his own, a soft, almost shy smile on the face of his own love caused Yohji’s breath to catch in his throat.

“ready?” Ran whispered, and Yohji nodded. Reaching behind him, Yohji squeezed Schuldig’s hand briefly. He stepped out into the hall, and walking forward took Ran’s deceptively delicate hand into his own. Thrilling at the strength there as Ran entwined their fingers, Yohji waggled his eyebrows playfully as they turned forward. “Love you Angel.” He whispered, as they paused together on the doorway of the studio.

“love you too Yohji. Always.” Ran whispered back as he leaned into Yohji, breath warming his ear just as they crossed the threshold into the room. Twirling Yohji’s band between his fingers for just a moment before releasing Yohji’s hand, Ran stepped aside to allow the lovestruck couple behind them to come into the room. Schu and Brad stood just inside the room, facing each other. As the song came to a close, they leaned in for a light, sweet kiss, then stepped back and turned to face the room. Taking in the smiles of their friends, they entwined their hands and walked forward together to come to stand before the soundboard that had been draped with cloth, and was now covered in multicolored strips of leather.

Standing beside the covered table, a woman waited, smiling softly. She was dressed in a soft lilac, long silk jacket, draped open over a creamy white, simple straight cut dress, over white stilleto heels. Jet black hair was cut to frame her delicate face, with a pert nose, and wide, luminous grey eyes that sparkled. She raised her eyes to take in the group arrayed around the room, and cleared her throat. “Schuldig, Bradley, as you stand here before these witnesses who mean so much to each of you, and this night bind your souls together, remember the love you share. Remember what has brought you to this moment in your lives.”

She reached into the array of leather before her and came up with a long red strand. Reaching forward she lifted Schuldig’s right hand, then directed Brad’s own right hand to clasp with it. Patting their clasped hands, she then wrapped the red strip of leather around the two hands, binding them. “Love, first, brought you here.” She said. “Love for, and because of, each other. A love that commits to, and raises the other above yourself. Each placing the needs and desires of the other above his own.”

A blue strip was next, “understanding.” She intoned, “understanding in times of stress or sadness, in times of frustration, or simply when time is needed for self. To understand that each Omi vent, but that this in no way lessens the love that is there. “ A purple strip followed, “Passion, the result of you love and understanding. Desire and passion for and with each other, both physical and of the soul. A need for each other, precluding all else.”

A pale yellow was added to the rest. “Sunshine, laughter, joy. You have found your joy in each other. Renew it, often. Encourage and cultivate laughter. It lightens the soul and renews the spirit. If you find it dimming, plant new seeds of spontanaeity, of fun, surprise each other, be grateful for each other, and reward each other often.”

A white strip joined the weaving, “trust, purity, a prOmise always to belong forever more only to each other. To share all things, always. Open and honest. Remember to turn to each other always. Friendship is important, and it is understandable to share burdens with friends or family. But, keep no secrets. Allow no darkness to creep in or dampen the light of your trust in each other. These are the ties that bind. Unbreakable when woven together, they Omi hold your souls bound to each other, always, as long as you keep them woven in your lives together.”

She released her hold on the wrists, allowing the men to hold their own hands aloft, then turned slightly to look at Yohji. Raising one elegant eyebrow. Yohji grinned and handed her the small black box from his pocket. Opening the box, she lifted the two silver bands from within. Two Celtic knot bands rested in her palm, earning a quick grin as she looked up again. “These bands of metal, also woven together, must rest in harmony to come together and form a smooth, whole weave.” She lifted each man’s left hand and eased the bands onto their fingers, giving each a soft squeeze before release.

The radio, which had been turned on to play soft jazz quietly in the background after “Lost in You” had ended, began the countdown to welcome the new year just as she released their hands.

She fell silent a moment then, allowing the countdown to play into the silence, with Schu and Brad watching each other, digesting words. Around the room lovers’ eyes devoured each other as the numbers ran down... “three.... two..... one. Happy New Year!” The radio host cried out.

As the strands of the traditional Auld Lang Syne filled the room, she gently disengaged their still wrapped right hands, pulling them barely apart. Then, raising a gleaming dagger from the table, she quickly sliced through the cords at the space between their hands, severing them from each other. “Only you can break the bonds that entwine your souls. And only then, by pulling apart from one another.” As she spoke, she deftly wove the ends together, leaving the remnants securely wrapped around each man’s right wrist. “May your bonds hold strong, souls strengthened in each other for all time.” She quickly finished off the weaves and looked up. “Keep these weaves to remind you of the ties that bind your souls.”

She then turned the two to face the room, “I now present to you Brad and Schuldig Crawford. Soulbound.” She smiled warmly at the joined couple, “A kiss to welcome the new year and seal your bond!”

“hear hear!” Jei called out as Brad dipped a laughing Schuldig over his arm and devoured him. Jei quickly followed suit, dipping Ken. Yohji, not to be outdone, leaned over to dip Ran, only to be surprised as Ran deftly turned the tables, instead bending Yohji over his own arm. Omi was surprised by a shy, but determined, Nagi leaning forward for a soft kiss. And Aya blushed sweetly as Yuushi cradled her face between his hands and leaned in for a teasing kiss, nipping gently at her bottom lip as he pulled back.

After a few moments of New Year kisses, the group surged forward to engulf the newlybonded in a group hug with much back slapping and laughter. They broke apart and made their way to the side table for drinks to toast the New Year.

Ran turned to the mistress of ceremony as she rolled the spools of leather twine, placing them into her bag on the table. “Thank you Birman.” Ran said as he took her hand. “It was a beautiful ceremony, truly.” Birman let the bag rest on the covered table and stepped forward for a quick hug.

“I’m glad, Ran, really. Thank you for recommending me to Bradley. I was touched.”

“Well,” Ran smiled, “Brad was very impressed with your poetry and weavings at the last gallery showing. I know he bought a few pieces, and if I’m not mistaKen, he commissioned some of your work for the new hotel he’s designing, right?”

Birman blushed delicately, “yes, you are correct Ran.” She answered, “he did.” She glanced at the happy couple. “They certainly seem to be in love. Their bonds are strong. Almost visible without the cords.” She tilted her head as she considered Ran. “Much like your bonds with your soul mate. They shine for all to see. When Omi you let me weave them for you Ran?”

Ran smiled, “We’ll see Birman. We’ll see. For now, let’s concentrate on these two. Time to celebrate this binding.” He looked over the group, smiling at Yohji across the room before turning back to Birman. “I’m heading over to Masato’s to set up. You’re welcome to join us for the reception. Would you like to ride over with me?”

“No Ran. Thank you, but I Omi meet you there. Thank you, again, for your introduction, and for the offer.” Nodding, Ran stepped away, leaving her to finish packing her things.

He made his way across the room to the happy couple. Smiling widely, Ran leaned in for a quick hug with Schuldig, and firmly shook Brad’s hand. “Congratulations. Both of you. I know you’ll both be very happy.”

“thank you Ran.” Brad answered quietly. “You and Yohji, and the rest, are true friends. Thank you for standing with us tonight.”

“it was my pleasure Bradley. I only wish your family had been able to stand with you on such a momentous day.” Ran answered.

“Well, we are definitely a bunch aren’t we?” Brad grinned wryly, “Only Omi and Yuushi among us having living, or welcome, parents. There’s something for Aya to think about. Think he’ll ever take her ‘home to meet mom,’ hmm?” He laughed softly.

Ran tilted his head. “Wow Brad. I hadn’t even thought of that. You’re right. Well, I guess if he brings up any long weeKend trips I’ll have to wonder about that. They live in Chicago, right?... Maybe we don’t have to worry about that for a few months anyway. Not much incentive to travel there during the winter months anyway.... hmm.” Ran’s eyes unfocused slightly as he considered this new development.

Schu laughed. “Well then, wait for Spring before you worry too much Ran. It’s still early. We’ll all keep an eye on him, don’t worry.”

Ran grinned sheepishly, shaking his head. “Well. I’m off to Masato’s. You guys give me a little bit to set up. Go get changed, load the rest of the bags into the van, and meet me there. I know Manx is already there, and I’m sure others are trickling in. I’ll see you guys over there in a few.” He shook both their hands again and walked over to Yohji.

“Hey lover.” Ran husked into Yohji’s ear as he came up from behind to wrap his arms around Yohji’s waist as Yohji talked to Jei in the corner of the room. Yohji leaned back into the embrace, moaning lightly as Ran nibbled on the edge of his ear. “mmm. Take me Angel.”

“love to, but I have to get a raincheck.” Ran stood back, resting his chin on Yohji’s shoulder. He huffed a small sigh. “Ah well, later Nissho. I prOmise.” He nuzzled Yohji’s neck briefly and squeezed just a bit before standing back. “I’m off to the Crab Shack. You get the lovebirds changed and loaded up and meet me there, kay?”

Yohji turned in the embrace. Taking a moment to look into those incredible amethyst eyes of his Angel, he basked in the warmth of loving Ran. He leaned in for a deep, soul wrenching kiss, leaning back reluctantly after a too short moment. Resting his forehead on Ran’s, he took a deep breath. “ok lover. We’ll meet you there.” He smiled, wrapping his arms around Ran and leaning in to whisper in his ear, “But later, after we welcome the first sunrise of this momentous new year, we go home and I get to stroke and pet my kitten all I want for the rest of the day, hmm?”

Ran gave a toKen glare at the newest nickname, then chuckling he nodded, “I prOmise Nissho. The whole day is yours.”

“ok then.” Yohji stepped back. “Go on, do your perfectionist thing and set everything up just so. We’ll meet you there in a bit.”

Ran nodded to Jei and Ken, and unable to stop grinning, made his way out of the studio for the drive to Masato’s and the reception, slated to begin around 1am. Ran pulled out of the parking lot for the drive over. Traffic was still light, most revelers still at the bars or wherever they’d gathered to celebrate.

What a way to bring in the New Year, with such a declaration. Schu and Brad had made certain their vows would commence within moments of the year’s beginning. A new life beginning with a new year... He made a mental note to reopen the discussion with Yohji about exchanging their own vows. The more he considered the ceremony, and the happiness shining from Brad’s and Schuldig’s faces, the more he liked the idea. Yohji was certainly enthusiastic about the possibility, and WEISS was doing remarkably well.... maybe, if they kept it private and small, well... perhaps they could have their own ceremony without it having too much of an impact. Something to think about... maybe summer.

Ran pulled up at Masato’s and made his way through the back door left open for his entrance. Ran went straight to the kitchen to help bring out the trays and the double chocolate, three tiered wedding cake Brad had ordered for Schu. He was greeted shortly after his arrival by an enthusiastic, excited Masato and Manx. Small groups had started to trickle in already and were seated in the front area. He was greeted by light cheers and well wishes as he helped roll out the cake. “The groomsmen Omi be here shortly everyone,” Masato called out as he, Manx and Ran set out the buffet tables. “Help yourselves to drinks. We’ll wait for the guests of honor to open the buffet.”

They went about finishing everything, setting out trays, spreading table cloths. More and more attendees arrived, all routed to the drink stations. Once all the tables were done, and double checked, the three sat for a drink at the table of honor. Noting the increased number of guests glancing at the buffet tables, Ran grew troubled. Glancing at his watch, Ran’s brow wrinkled. “they should have been here by now Manx” he looked up from his watch to the wall clock on the off chance that his watch was wrong. No, the time was right.... it was close to 1 now. “They should have been here by now.”

“They’re only about ten minutes late Ran. It’s New Year’s Eve. Well... New Year’s now, I guess” Manx soothed, “relax. Traffic is probably getting crowded. Give them another ten minutes. If they aren’t here by then, we’ll go mother hen and call Omi. ‘Kay?”

“yeah, I guess you’re right. Don’t know why I’m so worried about ten minutes. Guess I just feel guilty keeping everyone from food that smells so damn good” Ran grinned. He stood to go refill his punch.

“I’ll get a refill too.” Masato grumbled good naturedly, following behind Ran. As Ran made his way to the drink table, his cell began to vibrate in his pocket. Grinning, he reached to answer. It was Jei’s cell “checking in huh Jei? I was beginning to wonder about you guys.” Ran answered with a grin.

Suddenly, Ran froze. His face went chalk white, his gasp loud enough to capture Masato’s attention. One look at Ran’s wide eyes and white face was enough to alert Masato that something was definitely not right. “Manx!” he bellowed as Ran’s knees gave way. He lept forward, steering Ran into the nearest chair.

Ran’s grip was knuckle white on the phone as he listened intently to whoever was speaking on the other line. Masato turned to look for Manx, who was just cOming up behind him. “What’s wrong?” she asked, eyes wide. “I don’t know.” Masato answered, turning back to Ran to find out.

Then, suddenly the phone was dropped, forgotten, and Ran was running for the back door. “Ran!” Masato called, but Ran ignored his cry. Manx reached down, picking up the cell. “Hello?” she asked, “Jei? What’s going on?” She listened a moment,” No, Ran tore out of here.” Another moment, then her own face paled, and she eased herself down into the chair Ran’d left. “Oh my God. No.” she whispered.

“what’s wrong?” Masato asked.

“We’ll.... we’ll wait here. I’ll tell everyone to... to go home. Call me Jei. Call me the minute you know anything.” Closing the phone, she raised eyes swiftly filling with tears to look at Masato she whispered, “It’s Yohji.” She choked, “there’s been...an accident... his motorcycle..... It...it’s bad Masato. They don’t know.....” she slumped forward, head in her hands as Masato wrapped his arms around her. “

Yohji.” He whispered.......

 

 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER 25**

 

**Crashing**

Yohji watched Ran’s Porsche pull out as Schu bustled behind him, finishing with the bags. “Schu, seriously, leave it. Whatever you’re not taking, just leave it. Ran and I will swing by when we’re done at Masato’s.”

 

Schu sighed and Yohji turned, grinning. Before Schu could say anything, a quick knock sounded at the door which then opened to Brad’s broad grin. “ready lover?” he asked as he swept Schu into his embrace.

 

Schu’s own grin blossomed to match Brad’s as he melted into the kiss, seeming to have forgotten Yohji behind him. Brad pulled back, forehead to forehead as he sighed. “one hour lover, maybe two, a few dances, then we are off for a little quality time together before we board. I have a hotel room reserved. We’ll do the gifts thing and all when we get back. Ran said he’d take care of everything so we can steal some alone time and a shower before our flight.” He waggled his brows, then leaned down to nuzzle Schu’s ear.

 

“See Schu?” Yohji’s amused chuckled rang out as he squeezed by and out the door. “Told ya. Ran and I have the time all worked out. Shortly before dawn Ran and I will be home to make love under the sunrise, and you and your soul bonded here will be enroute to paradise. So, you two worry about you two. We’ll handle the rest. Now,” he turned to the couple, “I’m starving. Masato promised me his new spicy jalapeno crap cakes, and I need to snuggle my own kitten. Ran surely has things well set up by now. Let’s blow this joint.”

 

Yohji led the way out, straddling his Harley as he waited for the rest. He watched as Schu and Brad climbed into the van with Jei as he started her up. Ken finished loading the last of the bags into the back and came around the side to climb in. As he slammed his door, Omi and Nagi exited the studio, locking up and climbing into Omi’s convertible Mustang. Birman had left only moments before. Yuushi and Aya waited in Yuushi’s Camaro, Yuushi grinning as he revved the engine. Omi waved at Yohji as he led the way from the parking lot.

 

Yohji grinned and laughed as he fastened the strap of his helmet and kicked his bike to life with a satisfying roar. Just a few more minutes and they’d join Ran at the Crab Shack, a few short hours until they could greet the sunrise, knowing Schu and Brad were safely off on their honeymoon, and then he and Ran could ring in the New Year properly.

 

Yohji followed the others from the parking lot and they made their way onto the freeway, watchful for traffic. More careful than usual on this night especially. Almost 12:30 now, it was far enough past midnight for some to already be driving after ringing in the new year....

 

Just after making their way onto the entrance ramp, Yohji passed the van, then Omi, waving with a saucy grin as he took the lead. A few moments later he caught a flash from the corner of his eye. Entering the second lane, he turned his head and cursed as he recognized the black Nissan pick up with the skull decal . Not again! Damn reporters! Really – don’t they celebrate for themselves? Yohji cursed to himself again. They really gotta stalk us even now? Shit!

 

He looked forward again, adding a burst of speed, hopeful of leaving them behind before reaching the exit ramp for Masato’s. Traffic was lighter than usual this holiday night. Sadly, this allowed the pick up and a silver Kia, also with a flashing camera, to stay pretty close. Finally giving up, Yohji decided to just ignore the jerks. He’d make sure they knew to back off if they actually followed the group to Masato’s. He eased off the gas a bit, glimpsing the others just a bit back behind him in the second and third lane.

 

He checked his mirror, about to get over into the exit lane when he caught sight of the silver Kia on his right, a lot closer than he expected. He glanced again, then put on some speed trying to get away from the approaching car.

 

He caught another flash from his left. Suddenly, the world exploded in sound and light and heat. With a sick feeling of disorientation, he realized he was airborne. For a frozen moment his only thought was a cry from his soul, “RAN!”, then ... pain, like nothing he’d ever dreamed, slammed into him stealing breath and sight and thought away; leaving only darkness as he knew no more.

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

Omi grinned, shaking his head as Yohji blew past him just after the entrance ramp. Hair flying behind him beneath the edge of the helmet and a wide smile visible as he turned briefly to wave. He pulled out in front of the convertible smoothly, and Omi was surprised to see two cars, or rather a car and a truck, hot on Yohji’s tail. There! Yohji’s noticed them as a flash went off from the passenger window of the truck. Damn! Papparazzi, even now? Shit, not tonight! Omi knew Yohji’d deliberately asked they leave Weiss alone tonight for a family event. Hell, he’d talked to a few of them himself. Fuck these jerks.

 

Nagi growled as Yohji sped up, the two following pretty closely. “you gotta be shitting me? What do we have to do to get these vultures to leave us the hell alone?” Omi kept his eyes glued to Yohji’s bike, that silver Kia was following awfully close. Did the dumbass even notice the blue Toyota in the other lane?.....

 

“No!” Omi yelled out at the same instant Nagi cried, “Yohji!”

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Schu sat in the passenger seat of the van, turned to admire the profile of the beautiful, wonderful man he’d bonded with. Schu just couldn’t keep the grin under control. Brad was his, officially, legally, his. Forever. His eyes dropped to the cord twisted about his wrist for a second when his eyes were wrenched back up as Brad’s angry voice shocked him out of his daze. “What the fuck?!”

 

“What?” Schu looked up, then tracked Brad’s gaze out the window. “What?” he gasped as he took in the two cars flanking Yohji’s bike, “What the hell?.... What are they doing?” he asked angrily as he leaned forward.

 

Jei groaned from the driver seat as his eyes remained locked on Yohji. “Those are the freelancers that hound us the most, I swear, that black Nissan is everywhere. I don’t recognize the Kia, they must be – Oh! No!” Jei’s eyes flew wide just as Ken yelled out “Fuck!”

 

Schu’s head whipped around from his focus on Jei to the view out front, just in time to see Yohji fly into the air and come crashing down onto the hood of a blue Toyota who slammed on the brakes in a squeal of rubber and smoke. Then he was jolted forward against his own seat belt as Jei wrangled the van to a stop coming alongside the wreckage of Yohji’s bike. The black truck pealed out ahead, never slowing as they fled.

 

The guys tumbled from the van as Omi and Nagi both barreled from the convertible, Omi bellowing. “Yohji!” as everyone ran toward the blue car. Yuushi’s Camaro pulled up seconds later.

 

Schu felt his stomach in his throat as he glimpsed Yohji’s boot from the other side of the Toyota. Leg twisted at an impossible angle, blood pouring onto the pavement. “Yohji!” he gasped sliding to Yohji’s side. Brad had his cell to his ear, ever practical, directing 911 to the scene, noting the mile marker in a shaky panicked voice, but still alert and answering questions. “Keep Aya back!” Schu called out to Yuushi, “Don’t let her see”

 

Omi was chanting “Yohji. Oh God. Yohji.” But he was seemingly on auto pilot as he whipped his belt from his jeans wrapping it around Yohji’s leg as a tourniquet. Yuushi came to rest at Yohji’s head, but made sure not move to remove the helmet, noting in dismay the blood flowing into Yohji’s hair. “Yu!” Schu barked, “Where’s Aya?”

 

Yuushi nodded over Schu’s shoulder. “Nagi’s got her.” Omi’s shaking voice spoke quietly. “He doesn’t much like blood. I told him to wait over there.” He applied pressure to Yohji’s leg, until the tourniquet was tightly in place. Then he sat back on his heels, letting his blood soaked hands land on his thighs. “God.”

 

Ken, seeing Schu, Omi and Yuushi settling quickly around Yohji, and Nagi holding a stunned, wide eyed Aya off to the other side, turned to the blue Toyota and the hysterical, motherly woman sitting still behind her steering wheel, eyes wide. She was crying, sobbing, as she stared at nothing, “oh my God, Oh my God” Ken reached into the window and patted her shoulder, “Ma’am? Ma’am! Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

 

She turned to Ken, like coming awake from a nightmare. “Oh!” she gasped, “is he.... oh!... I hit... God!... he _landed...._ ” she broke into sobs again and Ken patted her shoulder, glancing again toward Yohji. Hearing sirens in the distance he leaned back again into her window. “It’s not your fault Ma’am. It was another car. We saw everything, it’s ok. Are you gonna be ok?”

 

She visibly brought herself under control. “I’m...I will be” she panted “But, the ..... the young man?.... Is he... will he?....”

 

“I don’t know,” Ken swallowed, “I don’t know.” He said brokenly. The woman calmed further in the face of Ken’s pain as she seemed to realize “You.... do you know him?” she whispered. Ken nodded and she gasped, reaching to pat Ken’s arm. “God, I’m sorry.”

 

Ken stood abruptly as he heard Jei bellow, “What the FUCK were you doing?” Ken spun around to find the driver door of the Kia open, the driver shrinking back in terror from the white haired man, rage blazing from his one visible eye. The Nissan was nowhere to be seen. With a glance at the woman in the Toyota he turned and jogged to Jei as he came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “Jei! No!” he cried, “No Jei. Come on.” He dragged Jei back over to Yohji, who still lay where he had landed.

 

“Schu?” Ken asked, his fingers entwined with Jei’s as Jei panted in fury beside him. Yohji looked..... NO! he wouldn’t think it. No! “Schu! Omi! ... Is... is he...Yu?.” Schuldig was shaking in Brad’s arms. Omi was pacing, hysterical as he watched the lights coming closer.

 

Yuushi sat at Yohji’s head, fingers on Yohji’s neck. “No Ken.” Yuushi answered with a sob, “No. He’s alive. But, damn! So much blood.” His voice had dropped to a whisper by the end, then “Omi!” he barked. “how much longer?”

 

“They’re here!” Omi yelled, “Over here!” he waved frantically from the side of the Toyota, “Hurry! Please!” Then there were uniformed men who were calm, but urgent as they assessed injury. Another pair made their way to the woman and two officers approached the group. “What happened?” one asked and Jei stepped forward. He still had Ken’s hand gripped tightly. At the same time, Brad turned around to speak, his own hold on Schu never loosening.

 

One officer spoke with Jei, one with Brad, as the others kept their attention focused on the EMT’s with Yohji. Shortly, the one talking with Brad stepped away and approached the silver Kia. One of the EMTs left the Toyota to approach a white faced Aya, “Miss?” he asked softly. Nagi raised his head, “Shock I think.” He whispered to the paramedic. “We... we’re friends of his” The EMT nodded and eased Aya down onto the pavement to sit as he evaluated her. Then an EMT called out, “Any next of kin here?” and everyone froze. Then Schuldig’s voice shuddered against Brad’s chest. “Oh my God. Ran” Aya shuddered and looked up, eyes haunted, “Ran” she sobbed, then broke down against Nagi as she began to cry.

 

“I got it.” Jei’s grim voice called out and he stepped away as Yuushi asked what no one else would. “Is there a specific reason you ask?” he looked solemnly at the EMT. “He has no living blood family. We’re his bandmates, his brothers. His life partner isn’t here right now.”

 

“Well, we’re taking him to St. Mary’s. They’re closest. If you can get ahold of someone who can make decisions, you’d better hurry.” Jei dialed then, steering Ken toward the van.

 

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

 

Ran drove like a madman, fury and fear warring in his chest, taking his breath, clouding his vision, bringing a snarl to his lips at anyone who dared to bar his way. Fury at himself and others burning through him, and mind numbing fear for Yohji crushing him. Over and over , he heard repeated in his mind Jei’s broken voice. “Ran, Ran it’s Y- Yohji. We’re going to St. Mary’s Ran. Hurry.”

 

God. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel remembering Omi’s voice in the background, piping in: “It was a stupid photographer Ran, He cut off another car. It swerved, clipping Yohji’s bike. He flew so –“

Omi’s voice cut off then, as Jei said, “ St. Mary’s Ran. Be careful getting there. Please.”

 

Ran didn’t remember dropping the phone. Falling into the chair. He didn’t remember the alarm of those near him, at his reaction. Didn’t remember running to his car, voices crying out behind him. He’d only come to himself just a few moments ago recognizing that he was near the hospital. He pulled into the ER drive, the tires of the Porsche squealing as he lurched to a stop partly over the sidewalk.

 

“hey! You can’t park there” a deep voice called out. Ran ignored it, rushing inside to almost collide with a compact, wiry young man.” Ran!” Omi stood in his way, grabbing his arms.” Move!” Ran growled, “Ran! He’s in surgery. Look at me.” Ran snarled down at Omi, fully intending to shove him aside when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

 

“Ran.” Jei said. That voice again, Ran snapped his head to the left, glimpsing one solemn, honey eye regarding him from behind a mess of white bangs, just as the security goon came in barking, “Look you! You can’t park there.” Omi unclenched Ran’s right fist. “It’s ok officer.” He soothed, “I’ll move the car.”

 

“Hmph! Well. Someone better.” The man led the way back out through the double doors indifferent to the pain and fear radiating from Ran. Ran watched him go, still dazed, still not having responded to Jei.

 

As the guard and Omi went out the door, Ran caught the flash of a camera. Eyes widened, muscles locked then.... _rippled_... as a shudder rocked him. Camera flash! Ran shoved Jei aside as he lunged toward that light. “Ran!” Jei cried, “Wait!”

 

Ran heard nothing but Omi’s voice again _*** “a photographer, cut off another car, clipped his bike” ***_ Ran saw nothing, blind in his fury. Deaf and blind to anything but the cameras across the drive from the entrance. “You!” he roared. “YOU did this! Which of you was it? Which one?” he felt arms snap around his chest and holding him back. He heard his name “Ran! Ran! Stop! Wait!”

 

He struggled, livid, unable to speak, wanting nothing more than to smash every camera there, destroy every flash. “Ran.” a calm voice penetrated his rage. “Ran. If you continue they are going to arrest or sedate you. Or both. And then you wont be here for Yohji.” It was like a bucket of ice water poured over him. He froze, completely still. He took in the wide, panicked eyes of the man in front of him, just out of reach, the dead silence broken only by his own harsh panting, and the heavy breathing of Ken behind him.

 

Brad’s calm, but pain tightened voice, cut through the ice from just behind on the right. “Come. Leave these vultures. We will deal with them, but Yohji needs you first. Come inside.” Ran’s tunnel vision began to clear, letting him take in the radio raised security guard near his Porsche, Omi still standing wide eyed in the driver’s door. Both he and the guard seeming unsure if they should move.

 

Ran turned his head and found Schu and Brad on his right, felt the death grip Ken held him in from behind. Then suddenly Ken’s grip wasn’t holding him back, but holding him up. “Ran!” Ken, caught off guard, almost dropped himself, caught under Ran’s sudden sinking weight. Jei rushed forward from Ran’s left, lending support.

 

“Come inside Ran.” Ken’s voice spoke in his ear. “He’s in surgery Ran. He’s going to be ok. He’ll survive. It’s not as bad as we’d thought. He’ll be ok.” Ken tightened his grip, holding for a moment until he felt Ran get his feet under him. Ran shook, trembling so hard he almost couldn’t see. He took a deep breath and turned to Ken, desperate panic in his wide eyes. “Ok?.... you... You know this?.... Ok?”

 

“yes Ran. I swear. I don’t know everything, but they told us it’s not as bad as we first thought. It’s not going to be overnight, but he _will_ be ok. Let’s go in, talk to the doctors, huh?”

 

“Yes Ran” Again, Brad’s calm, but hard, cold voice, cut in. Ran turned and took in Brad and Schu next to him. Schuldig’s face, pain there, and anger as deep as his own. Brad’s supportive arm around Schu’s waist as though he lent his own strength to hold Schu up, his own face cold, eyes glaring ice. Schu saw the lucidity return to Ran’s eyes and smiled. A small warm smile that turned as cold and hard as the tone that crept into his voice as he turned to the watching reporters, standing transfixed, cameras forgotten as they took in the rage and pain that was Ran.

 

Schu’s cold smile seemed to frighten those closest to the front of the pack as he addressed them, and they stepped back, just slightly. “Gentlemen. As you are obviously aware, Yohji Kudoh was injured tonight in a wreck. While right now we are not sure if the one responsible is among you, rest assured we will find out. You have taken an occasion of joy and” his voice broke, just for a fraction, “turned it into misery.” He stopped, swallowed, and took a deep breath. He glared flat out. No ice now, not a cold glare, but boiling rage to match Ran’s own. “Leave. Us. Alone. LEAVE. Go away. Come back tomorrow.” His glare dropped back to the ice, another deep breath. “Come back tomorrow. But for now, we are done with you.”

 

Schu turned and took Ran’s arm. Ken kept hold of the other and together they guided Ran back into the hospital. Omi, having parked the Porsche, met them at the door and shielded Ran’s back as the group of reporters shook off their stupor and a few again raised their cameras, catching a glimpse of the fear that began to overwhelm the group as they re-entered the hospital. The determination and fear on the faces of the men that supported and surrounded Ran as they prepared to learn the fate of the one that meant so much to them.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26

**Hospital**

As the group entered under the concerned, quickly averted gazes of the other families waiting in the emergency room, Yuushi and Aya stepped forward. Nagi remained quietly in the background near the complimentary coffee. Omi made his way over, putting an arm around Nagi’s waist, taking a cup of coffee with a soft smile as Ran brought a pale, shaking, red eyed Aya into his arms. He buried his face into the top of her head as the conversation continued around them.

“Anything?” Ken asked Yuushi quietly. “No” Yu sighed, a hand raking through his blonde hair. “They told me it’d be best to take Aya home and keep an eye on her but-“

He was cut off as Ran’s head snapped up and his glare paralyzed any further words in Yuushi’s throat. “Aya?” he snapped, his hold tightening around her as her trembling increased, “what’s wrong with Aya?” Ran rasped.

Jei’s hand came to rest on Ran’s shoulder. “She’s fine Ran” he said calmly as Yuushi nodded, “She went into a little shock at the scene. We...” Jei’s voice cracked, and he cleared his throat before going on, “we all saw the – the crash.”

Ran’s eyes flew wide and he looked around to the faces surrounding him, “you... you saw?” he whispered. Aya’s shaking had slowed, and at the raw pain in Ran’s voice at the question, her arms came up until she held his biceps. She leaned back a bit, causing Ran to look down into her eyes, streaming as she cried silently.

“Ran” she whispered, “Yohji... Yohji was...” she shook her head. “they wouldn’t let me see” her eyes got a faraway look as she went on. “After the.... car, I – I was afraid he.... but, he’s gonna be ok” her gaze refocused on Ran’s if a little frantically. “The nurse, she .... she helped me, she brought me coffee, and blankets, and..... She said, she said he’ll be ok. He’s hurt Ran, but, he’s gonna be ok” she leaned into his chest again, wrapping her arms tightly about his waist, “he flew so far Ran” she sobbed now, “god! I was so scared.... and he was so still.... so quiet. Even when Omi tied the belt on his leg-“

Schuldig stepped forward now. All eyes were on Ran who’d gone impossibly pale and was now shaking himself. “Aya,” Schu said quietly, easing Ran’s hold on her, focusing her attention on his own face, desperate to get her to stop talking, “Shh Aya. It’s ok.” He spoke calmly, slowly. “Yuushi’s gonna take you home now sweetheart. The medicine they gave you is gonna make you tired. You know Yohji’s gonna recover, so you go on home with Yu and let him take care of you. We’ll call as soon as we know something.”

Schu raised pleading eyes to Yuushi. Knowing Yu would want to be there to hear for himself Yohji’s condition, but determined to get her out of here, right now. Yu nodded and stepped forward. “Aya love, come on. Let me take you home. Get you warm. After you’ve slept a bit we’ll come back, ok? Come on” he coaxed her from Ran’s unresisting embrace, concerned as much for the ashen faced red head as for his own little princess.

Schu stepped forward to take Ran’s hands into his own, forcing Ran to look at him. “Ran” he said firmly as Yuushi led a subdued, pliant Aya away. “Ran. I swear. It sounds bad, and I won’t lie, he’s hurt. But.... it’s fixable. They wouldn’t lie about that. Do you hear me Ran?” Schu searched Ran’s face for clarity. Jei and Ken stepped up from each side, and Brad came up behind to form a cocoon around Ran. Finally the warmth penetrated and Ran searched out Schu’s eyes. “Schuldig?” he asked quietly.

“I promise Ran. Fixable. The doctors should be coming soon. At this point, no news is good news. If, if it were too desperate they would have asked for decisions before now.”

Ran nodded, taking a deep breath, running his hands over his face. Omi came forward then. “Here Ran.” He placed a warm cup into Ran’s hands, “Sit down, take a deep breath. I’ll see if I can get something out of the nurses. I already got some of the paperwork started.” Ran glanced up at Omi as he sat on the bench they lowered him to “Thank you Omi.” He said quietly.

Omi nodded and made his way to the admissions desk to turn in the first portion of the endless paperwork. After a few moments, enough time that Ran had finished his coffee, just as Omi had returned from the desk near the entrance, the double doors at the end of the room opened. A haggard looking man came into the room, mask dangling from his neck, scrubs rumpled and smeared with blood, hair net hat in one hand. “Family of Kudoh?” he asked, scanning the room.

Seven men stood as one as a few gasps of recognition sounded around the room. The other patrons seeming to realize and recognize the group that they’d instinctively given the privacy of fellow sufferers moments before. The doctor’s eyes lit upon the group and a light of recognition made him step forward. “Mr. Fello? Misters Crawford?” he asked. As Jei stepped to the forefront, a soft voice was heard from across the room, “It IS Weiss.....” someone whispered.

“Gentlemen.” The doctor intoned solemnly. “You came in with Mr. Kudoh, did you not?” Ran’s blood ran ice cold in his veins at the obvious fatigue and air of ..... warning, that emanated from the doctor. “Yohji” Ran rasped, unable to stop himself. “please.... doctor”

The doctor turned his gaze to Ran, “and you are?” he asked quietly. “Ran F-“ Ran began but Schuldig stepped in.

“This is Ran, Yohji’s partner. If you check your database you’ll find a few names listed as next of kin, emergency contacts. Aside from Ran, you’ll find Yohji’s bandmates,” he gestured to the men anxiously surrounding them, “and myself, Schuldig, now Crawford. Jei Fello and Ken Hidaka gave information to the EMTs on scene, and Omi Tsukiyono filled out some paperwork already. We understand the EMTs may have been overly cautious in their prognosis due to the excessive bleeding at the scene” Ran moaned, “please doctor. Tell us something.... please, say Yohji’s alright.”

The doctor glanced around the avid faces of the group, then glanced around the room now obviously aware of the conversation. He sighed. “Given the severity and nature of Mr. Kudoh’s injuries, and the sensitive nature of his... employment, perhaps we should take this elsewhere, somewhere more discreet.” He stopped. “I believe there were others with your group?” He asked.

Jei answered, “The others have gone home. We all.... witnessed the injury. A young woman with us was overcome. She’s been taken home to rest.”

“Very well.” The doctor said. “Follow me.” He turned back to the double doors but was stopped by Ran’s hand shooting out to grab his arm. “Wait” Ran’s breathless cry tore from his heart. “Wait, please. Just.... Please.” He took a deep breath, ran his other hand through his hair and visibly collected himself. “Please.” His voice was slightly more steady now. “Just tell me he’ll be ok. Just..... tell me you’re not taking us back there to....”

The doctor recognized the early shock, the grief threatening to overwhelm Ran. His compassion welled and compelled him to step forward. He took Ran by the shoulders. “Mr. Kudoh is out of danger now. He is seriously injured, but he is in recovery and will not awaken for some time. At least a few hours. Let us take this apart from here and discuss the details of his injuries.”

He turned away and the group followed quietly, Schu and Jei each with a hand on Ran’s arms. Ran worked to get a grip on his terror, the numbness beginning to take over now. But, it didn’t escape his attention, nor Schuldig’s, that the Dr. didn’t say “he’ll be ok” he only said, “out of danger”

Ran began to steel himself for whatever the man was going to tell them. They entered a small quiet room with a medium sized table in the center of the room, soft chairs lined the walls, decorated in soothing shades of blue and grey. Thick, sound muffling carpet of a dark grey completed the look, and boxes of tissues were placed in strategic locations around the room. Ran took a deep breath and immediately wished he hadn’t. The hospital smells invaded his senses, bringing too many memories to mind. He stiffened, then shuddered

“ok?” Schu asked quietly, still holding Ran’s upper arm. He steered Ran toward the table and seated him at the chair the end of the side closest to the door. The Dr stood behind the seat at the end of the table, better to face the group. Schu sat next to Ran, sliding his hand down to grip Ran’s tightly without being asked. Brad sat at Schu’s left. Jei sat across from Ran, with Ken at his side. Omi and Nagi sat in the two chairs on the wall, close behind Schu and Brad.

A young nurse, petite with jet black hair, had led the group to the consultation room and now hovered in the doorway. “Nurse Jameson,” the doctor said, “Unless Mr. Kudoh awakes or there is some urgent problem, please do not disturb us.” He glanced around and turned back to her, “I would recommend preparations be made as well as we discussed earlier. I have noted transfer details in Mr. Kudoh’s chart.”

“Very well doctor.” She nodded and left, closing the door quietly. The doctor seated himself and took a deep breath and a sip from the water bottle the nurse had placed at his seat before leaving. As the doctor consulted the folder in front of him Ran again felt that nameless dread filling him. “Something is wrong” he whispered to Schu, unconsciously gripping his hand tighter. “There’s something he’s not saying.”

Ran kept his eyes locked on the doctor’s face. Dread growing, he could wait no longer, and leaned forward, “something is wrong,” he repeated louder, “What is it doctor? Something...” he snarled, eyes going cold, “tell me.” He demanded, “what is it?”

The doctor sighed and locked his gaze to Ran’s. “The EMTs were somewhat more dire than perhaps was warranted, given the amount of blood however, I understand their caution.” He ran a hand over his face, and looked around. “Mr. Kudoh was thrown from his motorcycle” his voice hardened on the word motorcycle, “luckily he landed on the hood of the car that clipped him before he fell to the pavement. Also, luckily, Mr. Kudoh had he sense to wear a helmet. Unluckily, his helmet strap apparently broke when he hit the hood, catching on some piece of metal or something. It didn’t tear completely loose, but appears that it was askew when he struck the pavement. This misalignment caused the edge of the helmet to cut into the back of his head. There was excessive bleeding below his right ear, as head wounds are want to do, and a loss of consciousness. A blessing given the several broken bones on his left side.”

The doctor stopped as a collective gasp/hiss filled the room. The doctor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “forgive me. That came out worse than it could have.” He opened his eyes and began again. “Mr. Kudoh is seriously injured, but it could have been much, much worse.” He focused on Ran’s pale, stoic face. “He had a dislocated left shoulder, that has been remedied. He has four broken ribs on the left side, and a broken clavical. His knee was wrenched, but not torn or dislocated, only a severe sprain. His left lower leg and ankle are broken. Fortunately, the riding boots he wore effectively immobilized the joint with the swelling.”

He paused, “we had to cut the boot off. In my experience with bikers, this will not please him. However, he should be grateful. Due to the joint being immobilized within the boot, the injury was less severe than it could have been. His lower leg is very badly bruised, aside from the break. Had he not been wearing some effective protective gear he well could have lost the leg. There was one very serious laceration just below the knee that would have continued further down the leg had those boots not been as high as they were. Bye the way, the quick thinking of whichever of you applied the belt may well have saved his life. The artery was not severed, but it was nicked. This also was repaired in surgery.”

A breath, a sip from the water, and the doctor continued into the silence. “We surgically repaired the break, it will be a while, but he will regain full use of his leg, and he will walk again.” Ran’s eyes widened and he leaned forward, paler even than before. “The injury is that severe, he could have-“

“It very well could have been. But, again, Mr. Kudoh was very, very fortunate. He has no spinal injuries, and no neurological impairment of any serious significance.” He paused here and let that sink in. Then he leaned forward, intent. “Before you ask, let me allay your fears. There is a _possibility_ of neurological damage, of a relatively minor nature. We know there is no visual impairment, or speech. There is minimal fluid and swelling, caused by the impact. Concussion, obviously. This may impact balance and or coordination for a time. But again, the bed rest that will be implicit with the fractures, and the obvious need for assistance for a time, should resolve this before it can actually be an issue.”

He stopped, taking a drink from his water bottle, letting the young men watching him so intently digest the injuries he’d covered so far. His gaze again settled on Ran, who’d never taken his eyes off the doctor. Ran knew, there was more.... “Tell me doctor.” Ran’s voice was hoarse in the quiet. “I know there is something else.... Tell me, please. No. Tell US. Whatever it is, tell us. We are all the family Yohji has. We need to know.”

The doctor sighed and rubbed his temples, obviously tired. He took a moment to look at each face, “there is... the possibility... of some memory loss. This is not uncommon following a head trauma. However, from my observation, this scenario may be a little more serious than not knowing what day it is, or what city you’re in. At this point it appears there is some amnesia. How severe, or the permanency is impossible to judge at this time. Obviously, he has not had much time awake when he was not in severe pain and disoriented. However, there was a period of time that he was aware on the trauma room before he was taken into surgery. One of the orderlies recognized him and mentioned his singing for a band, Weiss.”

He paused here, waiting for the others to nod, then he continued, quietly. “He did not seem to understand and appeared confused. He corrected the orderly that while he sings in a band with friends, it wasn’t called Weiss.” The gasps from Schu, Jei, Omi and Ken were loud and sharp. “Wh – what?” Ken asked.

“Again, his confusion may resolve quickly, but I wanted to prepare you should he not recognize some of you when he wakes.” The doctor trailed off, taking in the shocked faces. Again he focused on Ran who had gone yet even more pale, his grip on Schu’s hand so tight his knuckles were white. He trembled, eyes huge, swallowing repeatedly, but unable to speak.

The doctor’s gaze softened. “If I may ask a few questions.” He said softly. Ran nodded, sharply, once. “You are his partner?” again Ran nodded, completely unable to speak around the ice gripping his heart. “Your name is Ran,” the doctor turned to Schu now, “and your name?” he asked.

“Schuldig.” Schu answered. “ah, Schuldig, perhaps Schu for short?”

“y –yes” Schu sputtered, “why?”

“That is the name Mr. Kudoh called out during his moments of lucidity, Schu. A few times he asked us to call Schu. You are a friend of some duration?”

“yes,” Schu answered. “Yohji and I have been friends since childhood.

“very well,” the doctor nodded. “Given the length of your friendship and his obviously knowing who you are, I would suggest you be the first to see him.

Ran’s breath hitched, and the doctor returned his eyes to Ran. He reached over to touch Ran’s hand. “Ran, the trauma could very well have caused Yohji to temporarily regress. It is not uncommon for adults to call for their parents in such a situation. If he and Schu have known each other for so long, it is not surprising he would call for him. If he has forgotten his current band, or where in time he is, it does not mean he has forgotten you. And, again, this is likely temporary in any case.”

Schu cleared his throat, and the room’s attention focused on him. “This group is the only band Yohji’s ever been with. They just weren’t always called Weiss...” Schu sighed. “They went by various names, unable to settle on one that captured them. A while ago, God, not even two years after high school, a friend of ours was killed. Jason Weiss. It was.... it doesn’t matter now. Anyway, the group chose his name and the white stylized cross symbol in memoriam, and it was shortly after that decision that things began to develop for the band. If Yohji has... regressed, to a point that the groups is not called Weiss, he’s gone back at least seven years.”

Schu’s grip on Ran’s hand flexed as he glanced to Ran, then back to the doctor. “This was ... before Ran.” he said quietly.

The doctor sat back, taking in Ran’s obvious distress. “You have been together for some time? Exclusive?” at Ran’s shaky nod the doctor sighed and shook his head. “I am sure there will be no getting you, any of you most likely, to leave. Mr. Kudoh is being relocated to a private room once he is stable. Given his celebrity status, it is best that he be kept from the general rooms. We often deal with people of notoriety, and we prefer peace when possible during recovery. Given the likelihood of visitors being recognized, and harassed, when dealing with high profile patients, those patients are located in a secluded wing, with access from the garage parking area. This should reduce press interference. I have arranged an empty room next door to Mr. Kudoh to accommodate your group. I’m afraid there are only two beds and a roll out cot, but I am sure you can come to some arrangement. I have also had a roll cot and a recliner placed in Mr. Kudoh’s room. Closeness is essential at this stage for his recovery, and I imagine for your peace of mind as well.”

The doctor stood. “I will have Nurse Jameson escort you to the fourth floor where Mr. Kudoh will be placed soon. You can wait here. He is medicated for now, purposely, and will not awaken for” he glanced at his watch, “at least another four hours. I suggest you get what rest you can. Perhaps some can gather items of comfort and, I assume given who he is, someone will arrange for a press conference.”

“I’ll handle that” Nagi spoke for the first time. “I’ll set up a conference where you can tell them he’s alive, and recovering, and NOTHING else.” Nagi’s voice hardened. “Then, I’ll make sure they stay away.”

Jei spoke up. “I’ll talk to you about that Nagi.” He stood as well, reaching to shake the doctor’s hand. “Thank you doctor. For everything.”   


The doctor shook Jei’s hand and gave Ran another long look. “Very well gentlemen. My name is Dr. Brice. I will be in charge of Mr. Kudoh’s care for the duration of his stay. When you are ready for the press, please have the nurse’s desk contact me. I assume it will be handled this morning?” he glanced between Nagi and Jei.

Jei nodded, “Yeah, it’s, God, close to dawn now.... say about.... two hours? Does that work for your schedule?”

“Barring any emergencies, that is fine. Less disruption for the hospital. After morning rounds then. Say, 7:30? I’ll complete my rounds and meet you in the press area. I’ll have the charge nurse show you. Until then. He stepped toward the door. Nurse Jameson will be here shortly to escort you to the fourth floor rooms.” He left the room, the soft click of the door’s latch echoing as they sat there....

Jei pushed his chair back, “Come on Nagi, let’s walk a bit, get some coffee, and we’ll discuss that conference.”

“Jei. Wait” Ran’s flat voice filled the room. “Have you spoken with the police? Do... do we know who the reporter was, or who they worked for? Anything?”

“No Ran” Jei sighed, controlling his anger. “Not yet. They’re supposed to interview some other witnesses, and some who called in too, and get back to me. Don’t worry. We’ve seen the Nisaan before. We’ll catch the bastards. The press conference will be with the cops, and channel 8 and 10 only. I’m not about to allow any of those idiots to profit from this if at all possible.” Jei paused, then reached out to clasp Ran’s shoulder. “We’ll get through this Ran. We’re family. Take care of him Schu.” Jei nodded to Schuldig and Brad. “You guys take care of Ran and Yohji. Let us take care of the rest.”

Ken stood then, “Ran.” he said quietly, waiting for Ran to raise his head. “I’m gonna go by your place, get some things, okay? I’ll swing by Masato’s too, while I’m out. I’ll get you a change of clothes, maybe... maybe some... pictures? Or something?”

“That’s a good idea Ken. Really” Schu answered for Ran who, while he looked at Ken, seemed unable to respond. “Ran?” Schu asked quietly, “Are there any certain photos or things you want?”

“I-“ Ran stopped, cleared his throat and took a deep, breath. Then another. “I can’t think Ken. I’m sorry” he looked up. Then to Omi. “You have my keys?” he asked Omi, who nodded. “Ok. Maybe, maybe the picture of all of us from the tour bus. That one in the front room. And, maybe the one of Yohji and I from Christmas? The one in the hall? And.... the” he cleared his throat, blushed lightly, and held Ken’s gaze, “there’s a picture on Yohji’s nightstand. Of me. He,” Ran closed his eyes, “he loves that stupid picture.”

“I got it Ran. We’ll be back” Ken leaned over and kissed Jei quickly, then looked to Omi who stood and followed him from the room. Jei and Nagi left then as well, Nagi already opening his cell. The three who remained, Ran, Schu, and Brad, sat quietly for a moment before Ran’s hands came to cover his face as he started to rock back and forth and the harsh sobs tore from him. Schu reached and pulled Ran into his side, Brad coming around to the other side to envelope both men in his warm, strong arms.

“He’ll be ok. He will” Schu soothed. “Yohji’s strong. And he loves you Ran. With a love so strong. He won’t forget you. Not completely. I swear. It may take a while to get things on track, but you are a part of his soul. It’s going to be ok Ran.”

After a time Ran was able to bring himself under control. Exhausted, he slumped against Schuldig. “God Schu.” He rasped, “I.... I don’t know what to do.”

“We’re here Ran. All of us. We’ll carry you through this. Together, we’ll all carry each other through.” Ran sat up, glancing up at Brad who held out a damp cloth and a cup of coffee. Ran washed his face and took a sip of the coffee.

As he sat back, the door opened. “Gentelmen,” the petite nurse from earlier entered the room. “If you’ll follow me, Mr. Kudoh has been relocated to his room.”

The three stood, and fortifying themselves, followed her down the hall.......

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

**Memories**

Ran and Schuldig entered room 412 to find the lights muted, the only sound the quiet beeping of the monitors. Yohji lay on the bed, centered in the room, still...pale...silent. Ran’s breath caught in his throat. He looked _so still, so lost._ His vitality smothered by the thick white hospital blanket draped over his form.

They came to the bedside, one to each hand. Schu gripped Yohji’s right hand. Ran reached for his left, but stopped short, the IV tubes and bruising causing him to pause. He reached instead to brush Yohji’s hair from his face, taking in the bruises, eyes trailing down the to the taped shoulder, the obvious swelling. He trailed his eyes further taking in the bandages, wrapped ribs, before the blanket at halfway down his chest blocked the view. Then, elevated at the end of the bed, his leg, casted and held up by wires.

Schu leaned in and touched Yohji’s right shoulder, just watching his face. “well Yohji, you sure know how to get all the attention, hmm?” he smiled tenderly and Ran whispered, “now wake up baka.”

“Yes. Wake up so we can smack you around for making us worry so much.” Schu whispered. Ran smiled faintly, eyes still locked on Yohji’s face. He slowly sank into the chair behind him, keeping his hand in Yohji’s hair splayed over the pillow. Schu sighed and pulled up the other chair as well. The two sat, one on each side, guarding, watching, waiting.....

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

Brad jumped out at the entrance while Ken went to park. Before Brad could reach for the door, Masato came out, followed closely by Manx. “Brad,” he called, breathless, worried, “What news?”

“Ah.” Brad’s voice conveyed slight reassurance, followed by a small smile. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll tell you everything.” They turned to head in, Ken bringing up the rear. “He’s out of surgery. Has some broken bones and a concussion. We wont know more until he wakes, but the doctor seemed optimistic. Yohji’s out of danger he says, but...” Brad paused.

Ken picked up the narrative, “Ran’s a mess, obviously. Worried, angry.... Schu’s not much better.” Brad sighed at that, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, we’re all a bit off kilter right now.”

They sat at a table near the kitchen, the other staff coming to listen in. “I know Jei gave you a brief rundown; we were on our way here. Yohji was on his bike, and had taken the lead in front of the rest of us. As he passed, hot on his tail were some paparazzi. The damn black Nissan that’s been hounding us lately, and a silver Kia I’d never seen before. The Nissan got too close and cut off a Toyota close behind Yohji. She clipped his back tire and sent Yohji flying. He landed on her hood, then hit the pavement. It seems the helmet caught on something as he landed and he took a head injury too.”

Brad stopped as one waitress sat tea glasses at the table for all. “Thanks” Ken nodded to her and took up the story. “he’s got a broken leg, damn near lost the leg” Manx gasped and covered her mouth at that. Masato put an arm around her shoulders and nodded for Ken to go on.

“The boots saved the leg. The doctor said he’s gonna be off the leg for a few weeks, then he’ll have to start therapy, so plenty of time for that to heal, so there’s no worry there. We’ll have to make sure he gets another pair of the same boots IF he decides to ride a bike again. The Harley’s totaled.... maybe he’ll give up the bike and use the insurance to get that special kit car he’s been going on about.” Ken sighed, “We’ll see I guess.” He stopped and took a moment to look at Manx and Masato solemnly, then glanced at the other staff listening to the breakdown, he looked around at the eager, concerned faces. “anyway, he’s gonna be ok. It’s just gonna take a while.”

Ken looked at Masato. “I’m sorry about all the food man. The doctor set us up at the hospital with a room. Think maybe we could make up some take out trays for the guys? And maybe when Yohji wakes up we can tempt him with some crab cakes.” He gave Masato a look and briefly tilted his head at the waitress to his left. Masato was quick to catch on.

“Jenny, can you make up, what? Six? Eight? Eight trays. For the guys to take back?” The girl nodded and lead the group back into the kitchen, leaving the friends alone. “Ok Ken. Spill. There’s obviously more than your telling.”

“I, just....just, keep this between us for now, huh?” They both nodded and Ken went on. He brought his gaze back to Manx, the one likely to be the most affected by his next statement. “It ... he.... Yohji has some amnesia.” Manx sat up straighter, obviously about to ask for more, but he held up a hand.

“We don’t know how bad, or how permanent. But, it seems when he woke up in the trauma unit, he didn’t remember our band being called Weiss. He kept asking for Schu, and when the orderly mentioned him singing for Weiss he didn’t recognize that as the band name.”

Manx looked confused. She’d come on as manager a few short months after the name Weiss was taken, signing up with them at a talent showcase much like the one Krittiker had hosted years before. She’d promoted the group, steadily signing them for more and more lucrative gigs until the Krittiker contest then the accolades that followed. “Not Weiss?” She asked.

Ken shook his head. “Yeah. We’d only taken on the name Weiss about two or three months before we met you. A friend of ours, Jason Weiss, was killed in a sandrail accident. Actually,” Ken swallowed, took a deep breath, and went on, “I guess you could say his death saved Jei’s life. That’s part of why we chose Weiss as our name.....” Ken closed his eyes, then went on firmly. “Jei’s dad was an asshole. Of epic porportions. He....he beat Jei regularly. And we all know damn well he was responsible for Jei’s mom’s death. Though obviously he got away with it. He’s the reason Jei lost his eye too.”

Ken looked down at the table, “that weekend, he’d gone on a real rampage. We all used to go on weekend camping trips with Jason pretty regularly. He was a repeat senior due to some stupid shit the first time around, causing him to drop out. He’d come back to finish and was straightened out. Applying himself and working at finishing school. He also had a not so ideal home life, and had moved out the minute he turned 18 that summer. He had a job, just enough to manage a small apartment while he finished up at school. He was a year older than Yohji, Schu and Jei. They were 17, almost 18. Jason was already 18 and a half. We all thought it was so cool he had his own place. Needless to say, we all spent a lot of time there. And Jason had to burn steam to keep himself focused. So, every other weekend or so, we’d go on a roadtrip together, or camping. Then, Jason got the sandrail in payment for some sidework he’d done, some remodeling project. He worked for like 3 months for this guy for that sandrail”

Ken grinned, lost in the memory. “We went out a lot with that thing. Everyone taking some time driving. Jason loved the damn thing. Was a regular speed demon. That –“ he faltered, cleared his throat and went on, “That weekend, Jei’s dad had decided Jei wasn’t going, no matter what. While Jei was getting his backpack ready, he came up from behind and hit Jei over the head with a bottle. Some.... some of the scars on Jei’s cheek are from that beating. When he landed, some of the glass shards cut his face up. His dad, just kept beating on him, kicking him.... screaming.....” Ken trailed off a bit, eyes unfocused, then Brad’s hand on his shoulder brought him back to the present. He shook his head, “Anyway. Yohji and I had come to pick Jei up and heard the bastard screaming at him from all the way outside. We ran in and found him kicking Jei in the back. Jei was out cold.”

Ken’s voice darkened, “We rushed the prick, knocking him away from Jei. Yohji decked him when he tried to come back, still holding the broken Jim Beam bottle in his fist. Guess we were lucky he hadn’t used that on Jei, just kept kicking him after he fell. Once Yohji decked him, he just kinda sat there in the corner, plastered, swearing at Jei, and us.... We couldn’t get Jei to wake up at first, he finally started coming around but there was so much blood and glass..... He wouldn’t let us take him to the hospital, just wanted to get the hell out of there, ya know? He staggered up and finished getting his gear. Said we could clean up his cuts and stuff once we were on the road... We drove out to the campsite. Jei washed up most of the blood, but obviously I couldn’t work on the gashes on his face, or the glass, while we were driving.”

Ken shook his head, took a sip of tea, and went on. “When we got to the site and Jason saw Jei’s face, he was so pissed off at first I thought he was gonna hit Jei himself. “That fucking prick!” he yelled, “Again Jei? Damn, how much more you gonna take before you do something?” he got right in Jei’s face. Jason wanted Jei to report the bastard, go into the system, whatever it took to get away. It would only be a few more months until he was 18. He was convinced he was gonna kill Jei – and his beatings were getting a lot worse - but Jei refused. He didn’t want to end up who knew where, likely in some kind of protective program to keep him hidden from his dad, and away from us. He wouldn’t do it. Just determined to hang on until he was 18 and could get out. Anyway, Jason finally calmed down and held patch Jei up. Cleaned the glass shards, even stitched up his cheek. He was pretty good at field medicine. Jei just sat quiet for the most part. We all thought he was just... upset, ya know? Tired.... anyway, once Jason was calmed, and we’d all eaten, to make it up to Jei for being so pissed off, he took Jei out for the first ride of the night.”

Ken stopped suddenly, his voice having caught on the last sentence. He took a deep breath, clenching his fists on the table in front of him, then looked up at the ceiling as he went on... “They,” he started, and had to clear his throat, “They went out just after sundown. We could the engine and Jason’s yelling as he tore it up. Fuck he loved that damn rail....” Ken’s voice trailed off, “Anyway, as he tore up over the hill, the rail went airborne. We could hear the free-rev.... we knew something was wrong, then.... the crash... Some asshole had shredded a tire on a rail, and just..... left it. And not like, near a tree or something, or off in an area where no one would be off-roading, they’d left it like, right near the beaten trail. Jason could never have seen it in time to go around, we don’t even know if he saw it or not. The rail went airborne and came down upside down, landing mostly on his side. Jason broke his neck. Jei was.... pretty banged up.”

Ken looked back down, eyes finding Manx’s, tears trailing down his cheeks. “The thing is, they said later at the hospital they couldn’t figure out how the glass got in the back of his head, must have been some broken bottles at the rail site..... He had a hematoma on the back of his head, that if they hadn’t crashed, he would have died in his sleep that night. The bastard had actually broken that Jim Beam bottle against the back of Jei’s head and if they hadn’t crashed, if Jei hadn’t gone to the hospital and they hadn’t drained it, he would have never woke up. I looked up the signs later. The lethargy, the sleepiness, he would have died. And, God, all I could think later, even as much as it hurt to lose Jason that way, was thank God they’d crashed.....and now....”

Ken took a deep cleansing breath, then another. Shaking his head he drained the rest of the iced tea, then looked up. Manx just sat, watching him. Brad reached out and clasped Ken on the shoulder. Masato stood. “I’ll go check on the food guys.” he stopped, patting Ken on the shoulder as he passed his chair.

Ken looked up. ‘There’s gonna be a press conference in a bit. Jei and Omi are taking care of it. We’re not telling about the amnesia, since right now we have no idea how bad or how permanent it is. We’re gonna focus for now on pressing charges against these bastard reporters and getting Yohji well.”

Masato turned to Brad. “Brad.” He said, “I am so sorry, to see such a joyous occasion marred this way. If there is anything I can do, please, don’t hesitate to ask. Tell Schuldig too. You are all in my thoughts of course.” Brad nodded his thanks and Masato went into the kitchen to gather the containers to be taken to the hospital.

Manx turned to Ken, eyes wide as the implications of things began to set in, “Ken” she whispered, “Oh God. Ken, if Yohji doesn’t remember .... Weiss..... what.... what about Ran?” she asked

Brad spoke up now, letting Ken pull himself together. He was calm, solemn, “If the .... regression is as far back as it seems, then.... it seems Yohji may have forgotten Ran.” Masato returned just at that moment, hearing Brad’s answer, and couldn’t help the flinch and involuntary, “No” that tore from him. Manx looked up as Masato sat the bags on the table. “Fuck, for them to go through so much, to be so so happy now, and to lose each other this way. For Ran not to be able to comfort Yohji in this time of pain and hurt because Yohji doesn’t _know him?_ That’s just..... horrible.”

He sat at the table again, running a hand over his face. “They have endured so much, especially Ran, I know what a prick Persia was. To lose Yohji this way.... I can’t even imagine. How is he?”

“a mess, of course.” Ken answered, “Terrified, waiting for Yohji to wake up more than anything, then at the same time scared to death of it.” He puffed out a frustrated breath. “It’s all speculation right now. It’s gonna be later this morning before Yohji wakes. They knocked him out pretty good. We’re all just exhausted. Coming down from the adrenaline, and fear, then the waiting while he was in surgery and all.... we’re gonna stop by their place, grab some stuff we hope will jar Yohji’s memories, and then take turns waiting with Ran. The doc wants Schu there first when Yohji wakes since he asked for him by name. Then we’re gonna take it as we go from there.”

As Ken finished, Jenny came back: “Masato!” she called, “it’s on – the press conference!” The group jumped up and gathered in the kitchen. The news anchor’s voice was heard announcing the press conference as Jei, Omi, and the Dr. took came to stand behind a police officer at the microphone.

“Gentlemen.” The officer’s voice called the milling reporters to silence as he stood behind the podium. “Thank you for your patience. As you are aware, Yohji Kudoh of the band Weiss was involved in a serious motorcycle collision a few hours ago on the I-10. Investigation is in the early stages, but we have confirmed that he was being followed closely by members of the press. At that one of the vehicles cut off another innocent traveler, causing the collision, and then fled the scene. While we have not yet confirmed the identity of that driver, rest assured, we will. Charges will be brought to the fullest extent of the law.”

The officer stopped a moment and glared. Grim, he went on, “We have repeatedly asked that the paparazzi lay off the celebrities while on the freeways. Our traffic is bad enough without the recklessness sometimes displayed while on a hunt. The D.A. is fully prepared to pursue this to the fullest. How far prosecution can go will also depend on the severity of Mr. Kudoh’s injury. I understand that this is still in question. For that, I give you Mr. Kudoh’s treating physician, Dr. Brice.”

Dr. Brice came to the podium. “Mr. Kudoh has sustained serious injuries. Broken ribs, a seriously broken leg... he is very fortunate that he did not lose his leg. But, he will recover. He will be under care for some time. His bandmates and family have allowed this recitation to be given to you. Now, as his physician, I request that his recovery be uninterrupted. No reporters will be tolerated at the hospital. Should any updates be given in future it will be through his family or friends, and will not be conducted here. Mr. Kudoh has not yet regained consciousness, he will need quiet and a stress free environment as much as possible for recovery. Before I ask you to leave, I understand his bandmates wish to say a few words.”

The doctor stepped back and Jei took the podium. His honey eye glared fiercely around the room from a face darkened by barely suppressed rage. He cleared his throat. “Weiss, Yohji in particular, has always been very open and tolerant of the press. We have worked with the photographers and such with humor and acceptance. Some regulars are almost like friends, we see them so much. Once in a while, on special occasions, we have asked to be left alone. To be allowed to be normal for a short time. Last night was one of those times. Yohji asked, more than once, that we be left alone last night for a family event. I myself explained that this was something special, not Weiss related, family, and that we be left in peace for one night. But they just would not leave Yohji alone. I know, he’s very visible. He sells. But this tragedy is not only so because of the injury, but because it has forever marred what should have been a joyous event. _Forever_ tainted by the selfishness and arrogance of” Jei’s voice broke and he clenched his teeth and his fists, visibly bringing himself under control.

The room was quiet as his rough, pain filled voice spoke again. “Yohji could easily have been killed. And I am sure the cameras were _still_ clicking as he.. flew off that bike.” Jei closed his eye and bowed his head, then looked back up, face a thundercloud. “Weiss will be working closely with the police and the D.A. Whatever it takes to get the practice of photographers on the freeway banned. This has to stop before someone IS killed.”

He stopped again. This time, Omi stepped forward, Nagi at his back. He placed a hand on Jei’s shoulder and gently pushed him to one side. “Now.” Omi’s voice came out dark, angry, catching several people in the room off guard at that hard voice coming from such a seemingly innocent young man. Omi cleared his throat and started again, “Now, we ask that you leave us alone. We know there are fans out there that care for Yohji, and we’ll keep the press – meaning ONLY those represented here – informed of his recovery. We’ll call another conference soon, from a location to be disclosed later, when we know more about how his recovery is progressing. Let me make this clear” his voice hardened again: “I or Nagi,” he gestured to Nagi behind him, “or our agent, Manx, will be the ONLY contact regarding this matter. We will NOT tolerate pressure on this. LEAVE. US. ALONE. Let us deal with this, please.” by the end, his voice had gone soft, eyes large, and filled with barely held in check tears. He took a hitching breath, “please” he whispered. “That’s all. Thank you.”

Jei stepped up then, steering Omi away from the podium, followed by a very subdued but glaring Nagi. People began to call out questions, but the officer came back to the mike, “That’s all.” He said “Go. Write your stories, replay this video over and over, get the cursed pictures from the vultures who were there last night. Whatever. But do NOT come back to this hospital. And show some decency. Let these yoing men be with their pain. Wait for them to call you. That’s all” with that the officer and the doctor made their way back inside the hospital with the doors then blocked by two uniformed officers.

The group was silent for a moment before a woman with a microphone bearing the station’s logo stepped in front of the camera. “Well folks, there you have it. Yohji is out of danger, in recovery, but still seriously injured. Keep him, and Weiss, in your thoughts. We’ll keep you posted as we can on his recovery. Now, back to the regular morning programming. And a Happy New Year’s Day to you and yours.”

Brad turned to Ken. “Well. Jei handled that rather well. And who knew Omi could be so scary.” He mused.

Ken grinned, “you have no idea man, no idea” he shook his head and turned to Manx. “We should be heading back. We still have to swing by Ran’s place for those pictures”

“Oh! Of course.” Manx answered. She stepped forward and hugged Ken, then briefly, Brad. She stepped back, “ hadn’t asked, How is Aya taking all this? You didn’t say.”

Ken closed his eyes and sighed, “She ... kinda freaked a bit. All the blood at the scene I guess got to her. She kinda went into shock, but they gave her an IV and some valium and sent her home with Yuushi to sleep it off. I expect they’ll come up to the hospital this afternoon. We’re gonna have to take shifts. We gotta get some sleep. I’m about to come crashing down, I can feel it now the adrenaline is wearing off, and Jei looked beat. Like I said before, Brad’s gonna stay with Schu at the hospital to be there when Yohji wakes. I’m gonna take Jei home to get some sleep, as much as he wont like that. We’ll head back up this afternoon or early evening.”

“I’ll come up later then.” Manx said. “I’ll stop by and check on Aya in a few hours and make sure they’re doing ok.”

“Thanks Manx. Really” Ken hugged her again, then Masato pressed the bags into their hands. “We’ll get the rest of the food packaged up. You guys won’t have to worry about anything like cooking for a while. We’ll take care of it. Call if you need ANYTHING. Really”  
  
“Thanks Man.” Ken shook Masato’s hand.

“Yes Masato, thank you. For everything.” Brad shook his hand as well and then led the way out from the restaurant, eager to get the things they needed from Ran’s home and get back to his lover’s side as soon as possible......

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28

**Awaken**

Ran awoke to pain in his neck and numbness in his arm. He sat up gingerly, eyes scanning over Yohji’s still form. “there’s been no change.” Schu’s quiet voice came to him. “He hasn’t stirred at all.”

Ran sat straighter and stretched a bit. “Let me throw some water on my face and then you try to get some sleep Schu.” Ran stood and noticed Brad sleeping on a cot against the wall behind Schuldig. A pang shot through him. He’d been so engulfed with everything, he hadn’t even stopped to think about the circumstances “Schu, God. You should be curled up with Brad right now in a lovers’ sutie somewhere, not holding vigil like this.” His voice broke and he felt the tension growing in his shoulder and neck.

“Ran.” Schu voice drifted to him, “Brad and I can go on our trip anytime. If this had to happen, I’m glad it was before we’d left. Brad is too. We talked about it. He called the resort and cruise line. Our reservation is on standby for now. I’m glad we can be here for him. And for you.” Schu stood, bringin Ran in for a brief hug. “Go, refresh yourself. I’ll curl up with Brad here.”

Ran shook himself and turned toward the bathroom, “I’m glad you’re here too Schuldig. Yohji will be as well, once he wakes up.” Ran went into the bathroom. Ignoring the mirror, he washed his face, then stood over the sink for a long moment. He took a deep breath, then went back out into Yohji’s room. Before he could sit, the door quietly opened.

“Oh. You’re awake.” The nurse whispered, “Good. You can assist me if you’d like.”

“Assist?” Ran asked as he watched her approach Yohji.

“Yes. It’s time to turn him for a bit since he’s still not awakened. We don’t want him to remain in one position for too long, it’s bad for the skin.” Ran and the nurse repositioned Yohji, settling him comfortably on his right side. She pulled the blanket up over Yohji’s ribs, gently easing his braced left arm on a pillow. “He should wake soon” She patted Ran’s arm softly then left the room.

Ran glanced at the clock. It’d been a little more than twelve hours since his world tilted off its axis. Yet it felt like forever. Twelve hours Yohji’d lain here, unresponsive. Hours of not knowing what pain he might be in, if he remembered their life, their love.... hours of mind numbing fear. What if he didn’t wake.... what if it was more than they thought. He’d heard those horror stories of someone hitting their head and seeming to be fine, only to collapse or even die a day later.

Ran held his breath as he caressed Yohji’s face, trailed a hand down his hair spread over the pillow.... “stop” he told himself. “Just..... stop. He’s going to be ok. He is. He’s strong, healthy.” He was jolted out of his reverie as Yohji began to move slightly. His good arm brushed across the blanket, a grimace of pain crossing his features. Ran watched as Yohji swallowed, his breath coming faster as he registered the pain. He was waking.....

“oh damn.... what... what the hell?” Yohji’s pain filled moan filled the room. His eyes began to flutter open. “Where –“ Yohji stirred, eyes still not quite open.

Schu startled awake at the moan, “oh!” he whispered, coming to the bedside, leaving Brad buried in the blankets piled on the cot. Schu took in the stoic picture of a frozen Ran. While Ran’s face was devoid of any expression, and he’d stopped all movement as he realized Yohji was stirring, terrified of what may happen next, Schu saw the fear in Ran’s eyes, eyes that were closing now as the jaw clenched, the fists wrapped around the bed rail. “Ran” Schu whispered, one hand firm on Ran’s shoulder. “It’ll be ok Ran. It will.”

He turned to watch Yohji, leaving the hand on Ran’s shoulder. Yohji moved again slightly, turning his head toward them. “Schu?” Yohji called out plaintively, softly. “Schu is that you, ....are..... are you there?”

“I’m here Yohji.” Schu leaned forward, patting Yohji’s uninjured shoulder.

“Schu” Yohji raised bleary eyes to Schu’s face, “Man, what the fuck hit me? .... hurts man. What happened?” Yohji paused a moment, easing himself around, trying to find a more comfortable position. “Shit, did I roll the rail or something? Where’s Jason?”

Schu froze and felt Ran beside him go utterly still, even ceasing to breathe. Damn, he had gone back to before they’d lost Jason.... shit. He didn’t remember losing Jason, he wouldn’t remember losing his parents! Fuck.... not losing Asuka, not that they were together yet.... Schu took a deep breath, not sure how to answer. He was saved with having to come up with something when Yohji squinted at Schu then turned to glance at Ran. “Schu?” Yohji looked back, focusing on Schuldig, “Who’s the red head?”

Ran went sheet white. His vision darkened and his mind went completely blank as his knees buckled. He was caught from behind by Brad’s strong arms. “Whoa. It’s alright Ran.” Brad murmured as he held Ran up for a moment before easing him into the chair next to the bed. “Remember. Temporary Ran.” Brad said quietly as Schu stepped forward between Yohji’s curious gaze and Ran’s gasping form.

“Yohji.” Schu, forced Yohji to focus on him. “What’s” he swallowed, “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“I, I don’t know.” Yohji shook his head. “it’s all fuzzy. Jason and I were camping upstate. I kept hassling him to take out the rail, but he said it was too dark.” Yohji looked down, picking at the blanket, guess I musta talked him in to it huh? We crashed? Where is he? Is Jason ok?” Yohji raised a hand to his head, wincing, “Wait..... what? Jason..”

Yohji cleared his throat and his voice trailed off. Schu reached over and brought the water glass from the bedside table into Yohji’s view. “Here, have a drink Yohji.” He held the cup steady allowing Yohji to wet his throat. After he was done, Schu caught Yohji’s eyes with his own green gaze. “Yohji.”

Schuldig leaned over, resting his forearms on the bedrail. “It wasn’t a rail accident... You weren’t with Jason. That... that was almost seven years ago Yohji.”

Yohji’s eyes flew wide, “Seven.... seven years?” he whispered, “What?”

He said seriously, “You wrecked your Harley, last night. On the I-10. We were-“

“Harley?” Yohji’s voice cut Schuldig off. “What... what Harley? Seven years?.... ” Yohji sounded lost, scared...

“oh God.” Ran’s whisper was so quiet Schu almost didn’t hear him. Almost. He turned slightly, “Wait Ran. Just.... wait, ok? Give it some time.”

“Schu?” Yohji called out, “what the hell is going on?” his voice was growing stronger, “Tell me what happened.” Schu noticed the increased hear rate on Yohji’s monitor, and stood up straight, crossing his arms over his chest, in an attempt to project calm.

Quietly he said, “Yohji. We weren’t on a trip with Jason. Like I said, that.... that was seven years ago. You were on your bike, like I said. You... the band is bigger now, than you’re remembering. Obviously we’re not in highschool anymore. You have fans, and the press... well, they can be persistent. Some photographers were following you on the freeway and one cut off another car.” Schu grimaced, “Anything to get exclusive pictures of Yohji of Weiss.”

“Weiss?” Yohji asked, and Schu gasped as he realized the slip, “What the....” Suddenly Yohji grimaced again, bringing his unwrapped hand to his forehead. He whimpered, and his breathing rate increased. As the monitor registered the higher levels a nurse came bustling into the room,

“Awake I see,” she said as she briskly checked the monitors and pressed a switch near the head of Yohji’s bed. She leaned down, brushing a hand over Yohji’s face. “Mr. Kudoh.” She spoke firmly, “Mr. Kudoh, look at me.”

Yohji opened his eyes, beginning to pant a bit now, his eyes having a wild cast to them. They flew about the room, locking on Schu’s face, “Schu?” he called, “I..., unngh!” he raised his free hand to his head again, bowing forward. “Schu” he panted, “It hurts... I”

Ran stood suddenly, “Yohji” he couldn’t hide the fear in his voice, and couldn’t stop himself from taking a step toward the bed. Before he could reach over the bedrail, the room’s door opened again and Dr. Brice entered the room.

“Gentlemen.” He spoke firmly, stepping to the bedside. “Mr. Kudoh” Dr. Brice spoke firmly, bringing his hands to either side of Yohji’s face. He glanced at the nurse, “Administer the valium, Nurse Tindal,” he said quietly, then turned back to Yohji. “Mr. Kudoh. Look at me.”

Yohji fought to bring his vision into focus, responding to the authority in Dr. Brice’s voice. “It hurts.” He whispered.

“I understand. Mr. Kudoh. It’s going to be alright.” He kept his eyes on Yohji’s as his fingertips registered the slowly calming pulse and the wildness eased from Yohji’s eyes as the valium took its effect. “Feeling better now?” he asked quietly.

Yohji nodded lightly. “I.... I don’t understand.” He whispered, “Seven years?..... how can, how can it be _seven years?_ ” he asked the doctor..... “it just..... doesn’t make.....” his voice grew quieter..... “something’s not... it’s ... wrong...” his eyes rolled back and his voice dropped to a barely there whisper.

Dr. Brice stood back as Yohji fell asleep. He eased Yohji down into a more comfortable position and nodded to the nurse. “Half that dosage, administered twice daily for now.” She made a notation in the chart and let herself out of the room.

Dr. Brice turned then to take in the white faces of the three men watching. “Gentlemen.” He said quietly, focusing his gaze on Ran who was trembling now, eyes wide in a too pale face. He knelt down to look intently into Ran’s eyes. “Mr. Fujimiya. Take a deep breath.” He reached for Ran’s wrist, checking his pulse. A bit too fast for comfort. “Mr. Fujimiya, I understand, it’s a shock. But again, I stress, the amnesia is likely temporary.”

Ran shuddered and gripped the arms of the chair. He swallowed, shuddered again, and seemed to bring himself under a rigid control. The shaking subsided, and the wild look in his eyes eased off to be replaced by a .... hollowness. But, the seeming lack of emotion was belied by the pulse that continued to race under Dr. Brice’s fingers.

“Ran.” he said firmly, “I mean it. There is no indication that this will be a permanent situation. The fact that Mr. Kudoh experienced the intense pain when confronted in fact can be considered a positive sign, as his subconscious attempts to correct his perceptions. It was to be expected that, if he remained regressed, the time lapse would be a shock. He will sleep again for a time. When he wakes, he may wake fully restored, still regressed, or with partial recovery. We’ll have to wait and see, but you, young man, need to rest yourself. You will be in no condition to help him, or to confront his memory loss, if you continue this way.”

Dr. Brice stood and pressed the button the nurse had pressed earlier. An intercom buzzed to life on the wall above Yohji’s bed. “yes Dr.?” Nurse Tindal’s voice inquired. “Please prepare a dose of Librium, 25 mg, I think. To be administered by injection.” He turned back to find Ran glaring at him, violet eyes darkened, standing out in his still too pale visage. “No drugs” Ran grated.

“Mr. Fujimiya. If you wish to remain here at the hospital with Mr. Kudoh, you will take the prescribed injection. Your anxiety level is much too pronounced. Your adrenaline levels too high, causing elevated pulse rate and blood pressure. I cannot sit by and ignore such a state. You must relax. I will not give you a dosage strong enough to render you insensate, but you must reduce your stress level immediately, and allow your body to calm. Mr. Kudoh will likely sleep through the remainder of the night, given the dosage of Valium and his injuries. I suggest you,” and here he turned to Schudlig and Brad, “and you two gentlemen as well, should get some sleep. I mean real sleep. I completely understand if you refuse to go elsewhere. You are welcome to stay here, but allow others to assume guard here and retire to the room next door. Be assured, we will not keep anything from you. If he wakes or requires anything, I give you my word you will be summoned.”

The doctor stood then, looking down at Ran. Finally, Ran nodded, and dropped his head into his hands as a sob wracked him suddenly. Brad reached down, placing a hand on Ran’s shoulder. The door opened quietly as Nurse Tindal entered the room with a syringe. She was followed by Jei and Ken, who took in the tension of the room, and Ran’s state, and came to kneel in front of Ran. “Ran!” Ken called as he pulled Ran into a hug. He looked up, eyes full of fear as Jei’s expression darkened. “What the fuck?” Jei barked, then sighed. “Sorry Doctor. I mean, What’s happened?”

Dr. Brice ran a hand through his black hair and sighed. “Just a moment Mr. Fello.” He said as he stepped to the nurse and took the syringe. “Nurse Tindall. Please notify the desk to communicate with any of the gentlemen staying next door at any time, regarding Mr. Kudoh’s condition, with priority to Mr. Fujimiya and Mr. Crawford here. Ask them to disable the speakers in that room, as well as this one, to manual use only. Peace and quiet are the order of the day.”

“Yes Dr. Of course.” The nurse left the room again, and Dr. Brice knelt down beside Ran. “This will take effect relatively quickly Mr. Fujimiya. Again, it won’t completely knock you out, but it will relax you considerably. You must rest. I suggest you take only a short amount of time to bring these gentlemen up to speed and then retire.” By now, Ran had brought himself under control, head resting against Ken’s shoulder. Weak, exhausted, he just nodded without argument.

Dr. Brice pulled back the collar of Ran’s shirt and swabbed his shoulder. He injected the dosage and disposed of the syringe in the sharps container mounted over Yohji’s bed. He nodded to Schuldig and Brad. Stopped a moment to pat Ran on the back, and glanced at Jei and Ken. “I’ll let these gentlemen explain the recent events, saying only that Mr. Kudoh remains in stable condition. Please, have the nurse’s desk page me if you have questions.” With that, he left the room.

Ken eased his hold on Ran, pressing Ran back into the chair. Brad remained behind Ran, one hand still on Ran’s left shoulder. Schu came around the side of the bed quietly. Jei couldn’t stand any more. “Schu” he hissed, “What the fuck?”

Schu sighed as he pushed himself under Brad’s arm, holding tightly to Brad’s waist. Brad wrapped both arms tightly about Schuldig and held him close until Schu took a deep breath and turned to press his back closely to Brad’s chest. Resting both hands on Ran’s shoudlers Schuldig explaned Yohji’s wakening, the confusion, and Ran’s minor breakdown.

Ken kept hold of one wrist as he remained kneeling before Ran, but raised his other hand blindly, seeking the comfort of Jei’s hand seemingly without realizing it. Jei automatically entwined his fingers with Kens as he blew out an explosive breath. “Well damn.” He groaned.

They sat there a moment, remembering, considering.... Then Ken nodded and stood. “Right. OK. Brad, you take Schuldig to that hotel. I know your reservation is still good, I checked. Take the rest of this afternoon and tonight. Yohji’s gonna be out of it, doc said so. Take your bonded and have your wedding night. You deserve it, and it’ll help you both relax. Get the massages, use the whirlpool, and come back in the morning ready to face this, ready to be strong in the morning when he wakes up again. Jei and I got some rest, we’re good for the night. We’ll stay here with Ran. Aya and Yuushi will be here around dinner time. We got this.”

Brad was nodding before Ken was half way through his speech. Schu tried to argue, but Brad cut him off. “No Schuldig. He’s right. You’re exhausted. Almost as stressed as Ran. We all love Yohji, but you have to take care of you too. Let me do that. Come with me. We’ll be back before morning rounds. And if anything happens, they’ll call us. I promise not to turn off the cells.”

He looked imploringly at Schuldig, and Schu melted. As the tension left him, he felt the pain surface, he was going to fall apart. He could feel it building, and didn’t want to lose it in front of Ran. Ran was holding onto his own control by his fingertips.... Schu nodded and leaned into Brad subtly. “Ok. Let’s go then.” He whispered, pulling his control back tight around himself like a cloak. Just a little longer and he could let go. Let go and let Brad soothe the pain. “okay.”

He nodded solemnly to Jei, then Ken, dropping a significant glance to Ran’s still bowed head. Jei and Ken acknowledged the direction, both pledging to keep guard. Ran reached out as they made their way by him and grabbed Schu’s wrist. “Thanks Scu.” He rasped, “for being here for Yohji.” He raised his pain filled gaze, “for me. Rest. Let Brad be strong for you. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Ran released Schuldig’s wrist, and sat back, exhausted, weary. Schu and Brad left quietly.

Ken leaned down, easing Ran up by gripping his shoulders. Ran was docile, a sight that was disturbing. He allowed Ken to lead him from the room, his eyes reluctant to leave Yohji’s form sleeping so still.... Ken led him next door to the guest beds that had been set up there. As he brought Ran to the bed, he realized Ran was still dressed in his dress pants and button down shirt from the ceremony... God, they’d been so engulfed in everything, he hadn’t even changed...

“OK Ran” Ken said as he eased Ran to sit on the side of the bed. “Let’s get you changed huh?” He helped a childlike, malleable Ran to remove the button down, easing a t-shirt over his head from the overnight bag they’d brought from Ran’s place. Then he removed Ran’s shoes, and helped him change into a pair of sweats. He eased Ran back into the mattress, covering him with the blankets. “It’s ok Ran. Rest now. We’re here, Jei and I will take watch. I promise, any change and we’ll wake you.”

Ran just looked at Ken, a lost, fearful look on his face for a moment before his eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out, obviously unable to fight the medication and the need for rest any longer.

Ken watched him for a moment, tears stinging his eyes, then stood back. He was surprised by the strong arms that wrapped around him as Jei pulled him in close. “Jei” he whispered, “Yohji.”

“Out cold Tiger. Promise. C’mon. We’ll go back in there on the off chance he wakes, and we’re calling in reinforcements to sit with this one in case he claws his way out of the drug stupor and has nightmares or something. Omi, Yuushi, Manx, I don’t care, but somebody is getting down here to help with the guard duty.” Jei gave a squeeze and stood back. Shutting off the light, secure in the fact that Ran would sleep uninterrupted for, at the very least, an hour or two before he could fight it off, they made their way back to Yohji’s bedside.

Ken sat, taking one of Yohji’s hands into his own as Jei used the phone at the bedside to make some calls......

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

 

**bubbles**

 

Schu stumbled into the darkened hotel room, stopping just inside the doorway. He couldn’t think, not really. He was just so tired..... Exhausted, depressed, terrified that things were going to stay this way, that Yohji would never be Yohji again....

 

Brad reached between Schuldig’s back and the wall to press the light switch, raising the lights. As the room brightened, he gently eased Schuldig forward. “come on Babe. You’re done -in, you need to rest.” He guided Schu toward the bed, easing the tote bag from his shoulder. Stopping next to the mattress, he sat the bag down and began to loosen the buttons on Schu’s white dress shirt.

  
Schu seemed to awaken from his daze and reached up to finish the task. “I’m sorry,” he began, but Brad cut him off immediately, “Stop.” He said as he continued to help divest his love of the wrinkled clothes. “What can you possibly be sorry for? We’re all tired, and worried, but it’s entirely understandable for you and Ran, and probably Jei too, to be affected even more deeply than the rest of us. Now.” He turned Schu to seat him on the mattress and began to remove his own shirt. “you are going to rest, sleep for a few hours, then we’ll get something to eat and go from there.”

 

“No.” Schu said, as he began to unbuckle Brad’s belt. “First, we are going to shower, THEN we’ll get some sleep. As tired as I am, I really, really need a shower first.” He stood up, dropping Brad’s pants to his ankles, and helping him step out. He smiled softly, “come husband mine, let’s shower.” He turned and led the way to the bathroom off to the side of the room.

 

As they entered the room, he gasped, then laughed out loud. “Well, guess Ken knew a bit more than he let on huh?” He grinned back over his shoulder at Brad and leered, just a bit. “Change of plan. A rinse, then we soak in this beautiful hot tub, THEN, if we can muster the strength to climb out, we sleep in that wonderful bed. If not, well, we can doze off right here.”

 

Brad pulled Schu back against his body, relishing the skin to skin contact, nuzzling Schu’s beautiful red-gold hair, and stepped back. “Ok lover, how’s this? You jump in for a rinse off. I’ll start the tub to fill and call and order some room service to be delivered. Then I’ll rinse and join you in the bath. A little honeymoon pampering is in order, and no arguments.” He kissed Schu, briefly, sweetly, and steered Schu to the shower stall.

 

Schu stopped him before he could step out of the room. “I love you Bradley. More than I can ever ever say.” He leaned into Brad’s embrace, content for the moment to stand there, wrapped in the strong arms. “I’m glad we’re here, for Ran, and Yohji. But, God, the idea, of anything like this happening ... to you, to us.... “ he sighed, deeply, “Just hold me for a minute Brad, hold me tight.” he whispered.

 

Brad clutched Schu to him tighter. He ran one hand up and down Schu’s back while the other just wrapped tighter around Schu’s waist. “I love you too Schuldig, my husband, my lover.” His voice lowered by the end, and he couldn’t hide his body’s response to the warm skin pressed so close together. Schu moaned and wrapped his arms tight about Brad’s neck. He leaned back and, looking up Brad’s eyes whispered, “Kiss me Brad”

 

Brad leaned down, hungry, desperate, and devoured Schu. They lost their footing just a bit and stumbled into the shower stall to come up against the back wall. Brad brought his arms up to either side of Schu’s head, pressing his hips against Schu’s. “Schuldig,” he moaned. “Wait” he forced himself to pull back, leaning his head down to rest his forehead against Schu’s shoulder.

 

Schu was wracked by a fierce shudder as he grappled to bring himself under control. “Brad” he whimpered, “Brad, I need you, to feel you, love you.”

 

“Yes Baby, yes, but wait.” Brad pulled back with effort, standing up to gaze down on that beautiful face, those intense emerald eyes. “Rinse off, I want to make this perfect Let me fill the tub and pamper you. Not a rushed fuck against the wall.” He leaned back to leer at his love, “not that I don’t love to fuck you against the wall,” he leaned down for a quick kiss, “But today, let me romance you.”

 

Schu smiled softly at the softly uncertain look on Brad’s face and trailed a hand down one arm. “Ok baby.” He took a deep breath and pushed Brad carefully back. “Go on, fill my bubble bath. And make it hot, with jets, my good man.” He ended with a haughty air, waving one hand languidly, “On with you sir. Hop to it.”

  
Brad laughed and stepped out of the stall, “your wish is my command my prince” he bowed with a flourish and closed the stall door so Schu could engage the shower. He made his way to the Jacuzzi and opened the faucet. One side of the tub had several candles waiting to be lit. He made short work of that and then searched the curtained area below for the various fragrances. He found a cinnamon solution and dropped a few droplets into the tub. With the jets it wouldn’t take much....

 

As the warm scent of cinnamon filled the room, Brad shrugged into the plush robe hanging behind the door and made his way into the main room. He quickly placed an order for room service, keeping it light: a cheese tray, some fruit and bagles with cream cheese. “Please add a rush order, charge whatever it takes, to get it here in say 10 mintues, can we do that?.... great, thanks.”

 

He hung up and registered the sound of the shower turning off. Making his way back into the steamy bathroom he was treated to Schuldig’s dripping form framed in the shower doorway as Schu lifted the towel from the bar. Brad leaned against the door frame, arms crossed, and soaked in the view. “mmm, yummy.” He smiled.

 

Schu used the towel to wring the dripping from his hair, then dropped the towel across his shoulders and made his way across the room to his lover. “Bubble bath, gorgeous, now.” Grabbing Brad’s belt, he backstepped toward the tub. He dropped the tie as he reached down to turn off the tap, then slid the towel off his shoulders to fall at the side of the tub. He reached over engaging the jets, and stepped down into the hot tub, again pulling on the belt at Brad’s waist, this time to jerk the tie loose.

 

Brad reached forward quickly, grasping at the ends of the belt before the robe fell open, and tied it back in place. Schu looked up, confused, as he lowered himself to the bench seat, his eyes slipping closed as the warm water enveloped him. “oh Brad” he breathed, dropping his hands down at his sides, head falling back against the edge of the tub. “C’mon lover, get in here.” He moaned.

 

Brad knelt down to brush Schu’s hair back from one side of his face, placing a gentle kiss to his temple. “In just a bit my love. The tray will be here in a few moments, then I’ll lock the door and guarantee no interuptions.”

 

“mmm” Schu breathed again, and Brad gently shook him by the hair. “Stay awake husband mine, I’ll –“ before he could go on, the buzzer sounded from the other room. “There’s the food. Open your eyes beautiful, sit up until I get back....Schu?”

 

Schuldig sighed and forced himself to sit up straight. “Alright, I’m upright. Hustle your butt back here then.”

The bellhop – a young guy with short black hair and a single earring in his left ear – flushed at Brad's grin and wink when he accepted the food, and excused himself quickly once their transaction was done. Brad chuckled, well – he still had it, it seemed. Now, to give it to his lover....

He helped himself to a quick nibble of cheese and grabbed a handful of grapes and a water bottle before sitting the tray on the bedside table.

There was still nothing from Schuldig – no noise or anything to indicate that he was still alive in there. Better get in there and make sure he was still awake. Brad grinned at the thought and pushed the door open.

What a sight greeted him, Schuldig lay reclining in the tub, his naked body mostly obscured by bubbles. His eyes were closed and his face completely calm as he relaxed in the tub, hair spread out behind him over the edge. Brad began to wonder if maybe he HAD fallen asleep.

Walking softly, Brad stepped closer before kneeling on the bath mat and resting one elbow on the edge of the tub. With his other hand, he reached toward Schu, but didn't get a chance before Schuldig's wet hand was gripping his arm, and he was reminded of how strong Schu actually was.

"I wondered if you were coming back or not," Schuldig said, eyes still closed. His thumb was on Brad's pulse, and Brad was sure that he could feel the quickened heartbeat that way, but the other man didn't comment on it, just pressed his thumb harder onto Brad's wrist, and began to rub gently back and forth.

"Of course lover, there is nowhere I would rather be," Brad replied quietly, as he leaned forward to taste the side of Schu’s neck. His heart began to pound loudly in his chest, and his cock throbbed almost painfully.

Schuldig finally released Brad's arm and opened his eyes. The water sloshed as he sat up, taking the water bottle from Brad’s hand and dropping it to the bath mat next to where Brad was kneeling. Brad hoped he’d remembered to tighten the lid after he’d taken a drink... Then, he wondered why he even cared when there was a naked Schuldig kissing him and pulling him over the edge of the tub.

There were still bubbles in the tub, but they'd dissipated some, and Brad couldn't stop his eyes from taking a peek at Schuldig's body under the water. He bit his lip as he took in the sight – a chiseled muscular chest gave way to well-defined abs and Brad's breath caught in his throat when he saw the prize, nestled amongst dark copper curls - Schuldig's cock. An awake cock, eagerly straining upward,as though begging for his touch. Brad couldn't take his eyes off it, couldn't help thinking what Schu tasted like, what he felt like on his tounge...

Brad took a deep breath and pulled back a bit. Smiling, he trailed his wet hand down the side of Schu’s face, the other hand kept carefully out of the bath water and full of grapes, he brought to Schu’s mouth. “here love, nibble on these.” Brad eased a few grapes into Schu’s mouth before popping the rest into his own to free both hands.

"Looks like you may need some help with that," Brad husked. He licked his lips and offered Schuldig a grin.

Schuldig was breathing slowly, carefully, even as his cock twitched at the thought. "Hm," Schuldig moaned. Then he reached out and tugged at Brad's arm, pulling him so close that their faces were almost touching. "I need you, Bradley. Touch me”

Schuldig made a noise low in his throat – almost like a growl – and the water sloshed in the tub as he pulled Brad even closer, mashing their mouths together in something that was really too rough to be called a kiss. Despite the forcefulness – or perhaps because of it – Brad's entire body hummed with sexual attraction and he braced himself, hands flat on the edge of the tub, as the kiss softened into something more sensual more romantic. Schuldig grip was tight on his shoulder. “I need you Bradley.”

Brad let his mouth fall open to the onslaught of Schuldig's tongue, tasting the peppermint toothpaste he'd used earlier. It was a bit silly to think, but Brad felt like there was some sort of magnet drawing them together, or like their bond was tightening around him, around them.... making it impossible for him to pull back, even if he wanted to.

There was a moan – which he belatedly realized came from his own throat as Schuldig's hand relaxed its grip on his shoulder and the other man pulled back to look at him.

Schu didn’t say anything, just looked at him, but after years of time together, he’d grown more adept at interpreting the thoughts. Instead of waiting for the explicit request, for Schu to ask again, Brad sat back, dropping the robe to the floor.

Schuldig watched him, eyes following as the fabric slid away to reveal lightly tanned, muscular shoulders, a lightly haired chest and defined pectorals, then slid down to take in Brad’s firm abdomen, and strong thighs.

After leaving the robe, Brad stood. Schuldig never took his eyes off Brad as the robe fell away, but he shifted in the tub, the water swirling around his legs as the bubbles all but disappeared completely.

Once he was completely undressed, Brad stood for just a moment longer, taking in the sight of his lover, flush with desire, waiting for him...

That was all the thinking he needed, and Brad climbed into the tub atop Schuldig, water splashing a bit as he lowered himself onto Schuldig's lap. He cupped Schuldig's face in his hands and kissed him, wet and groping, swirling his tongue inside Schuldig's mint-flavored mouth, licking every place his tongue could reach.

It seemed to take a moment, but then Schuldig was reacting, grabbing Brad's shoulders to pull him even closer, tilting his head just right to make the kiss that much deeper. Beneath him, Schuldig writhed against him, the water swirling and sloshing around their legs.

Schu broke off the kiss and tucked his head into Brad's neck, sucking on the vein there and making Brad go crazy from the contact. He rocked against Schuldig, grinding his cock against Schuldig's thigh and making noises that would have been embarrassingly loud if not for the need overwhelming him.

Brad moved one of his hands between their bodies, reaching for Schuldig's hot, hard cock and taking it in his hand, making the first, careful stroke. It had been a while they’d been together, and things had been so .... bad, lately, but it was impossible to forget how good it felt to hold Schuldig in his hand like this.

At the contact, Schuldig hissed and bit Brad's shoulder hard, arching up toward him and gripping Brad's ribs. His fingers were bruising, but Brad didn't care about the pain. “Brad,” Schu moaned, low and long, “Bradley.” His breathless cry went straight to Brad’s cock.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed, and pressed closer to Schuldig, needing to be touching everywhere possible. He kept stroking, and Schuldig was alternately licking and biting his shoulder – not hard, but hard enough to have Brad grinding against him.

“Wait," Brad panted, stopping his motions for a moment. He waited for Schuldig to pull back and meet his eyes before he continued. "I have to taste you," he said, and gave a pointed glance down to Schu’s swollen cock. Then he looked back up at Schuldig with a slow smile, and pulled back to lower himself into the water.

Schu’s head fell back against the tub as Brad took him into his mouth. The warmth of Brad’s mouth overwhelming the heat of the bath. And the _suction...._ “Brad” Schu cried, arching up into that tightness. His fingers entwined into Brad’s hair and Brad moaned, scraping Schu with his teeth on the next pull.

“Brad” Schu panted, “Brad ley” He rocked his hips, grip tightening in Brad’s hair, “Ah...” Schu dropped his hands to Brad’s shoulder, “Fuck!” he hissed, “I’m.... Brad, I’m...”

Underneath the water, recognizing the signs as his lover’s body tightened, Brad pulled back, letting Schu fall from his lips. “Brad” Schu groaned as the water swirled around his aching cock. Brad kept his hand tight around the base, the fingers of the other hand twirling Schu’s sac gently, “Not yet lover” He rasped, “together. Touch me Schu, please....”

Schu reached down blindly until he felt that velvet hardness and took Brad into his hand. “Yes Brad” he panted, “So hard, so hot, so big.... you’re so perfect.” He moaned as he began to pull on Brad’s cock, “cum for me brad – here, now, in my hand, then.... again, lover, inside me....”

Then the bathroom was full of echoing wordless groans and moans as they slid together – hands and cocks and mouths and the bath water swirling around them, spilling out over the side of the tub. Schuldig was – as always – skilled with his hands, and his motions quickly reduced Brad to a babbling mess. The only recognizable words from Brad's mouth were "fuck, fuck, oh fuck yes," then quickly “ _Oh god Schuldig yes, love you love you love you, Schuldig .....please!”_

"Yes Brad.... Ah! Bradley, a little harder," Schuldig urged against his neck, and adjusted his own motions on Brad as an example. Brad followed suit, gripping Schu tightly, pulling hard and fast, then he found it hard to focus when Schuldig took control suddenly, as he brought the second hand lower and pushed his finger barely inside Brad, and crooked it twisting, pulling against Brad’s pucker, thumb pressing between balls and hole. Control, when Schu was touching him like _that_ , was impossible. His whole body was on edge as he came closer to falling over that precipice.

Then Schuldig _bit_ his ear with a hiss, “Cum for me Brad, now!” and it was over – Brad came, spilling into the bathwater, body taut, frozen. For a moment he had to close his eyes to gain his faculties back before he continued his motions on Schuldig's cock, as he felt Schu swell in his hand, pumping faster, faster, squeezing tight, bringing Schu over his own edge into orgasm shortly after.

They remained in the tub for a moment, both of them spent. Brad sat back, pulling the stopper from the drain, and dragging Schu into his lap. Even as hard as he’d climaxed, he was still half hard. “It’s been so long Babe.” He moaned, plundering Schu’s mouth, “I love you Schu, I need you, I needed this....” He wrapped his arms tight around Schulding and sighed.

“we both did Brad, I need you too, just as much” Schu whispered, them reached between them to bring Brad back to full hardness. “I need you inside me husband mine, fill me, fuck me.” He drizzled bath oil down over Brad’s cock and raised himself up on the bench, legs on either side of Brad’s thighs. “Don’t you want to take it to the bed?” Brad asked.

“No, I want you right here, right now. I can’t wait any more. I need Take me Brad, now” Schu pressed his face into Brad’s neck, body hitchin with a barely controlled sob. “I need to feel you Brad, to know... you’re with me, here.”

“I;m here Schuldig. I’m not going anywhere lover, it’s going to be alright... I promise.” Schu felt Brad's hands gripping him securely but gently around the waist and they were holding him up slightly so he was hovering over his cock. “We didn’t prep you Schu, go slow....careful”

Brad and Schuldig' eyes met in a smoldering gaze and Schuldig nodded to let him know he was ready. Then, he was being slowly, so slowly, lowered down onto Brad’s shaft. Schuldig suddenly felt his breath stolen away as he stretched hard to accommodate Brad, rocking gently. He couldn't ever get over how _thick_ Brad was! “So good, Brad, you fill me so good” me moaned, mouth agape as he settled against Brad, his cock buried all the way inside him.

"I know you like that." Brad moaned, holding onto Schuldig' hips and shifting his hips beneath him.

Schuldig nodded rapidly and looked at Brad longingly. “So deep, so big.... Ah!” he rocked, "Let me ride you, take my mind off everything except you, filling me." he sighed, leaning in to capture Brad' lips in a smoldering kiss.

As a moan slid from Brad' lips, Schuldig raised himself up so only the head of Brad' cock remained inside him. Lowered himself, achingly slow, then again. The third time, he paused briefly where he was, just at the edge, feeling Brad’s cock pulsing against that ring of muscle. Locking eyes with Brad, he pulled back, gripping Brad’s shoulders tight, he slammed himself back down, water sloshing over the edge of the slowly draining tub.

Brad’s eyes flew wide, his head falling back. A deep groan of pleasure erupted from them both. Schuldig quickly regained his composure and he began to ride Brad, slow at first, it had been too long since Brad’s big cock was inside him, and he’d been so tense, so worried....but then his thrusts grew faster.

The escalating groans coming from Brad turned him on even more. He could tell Brad was close again, and reaching back behind him, Schuldig grabbed a handful of Brad's thick, wet hair and yanked his head back and leaned forward so their faces were a breath apart. Brad let out a grunt of surprise and pleasure at the sudden animalistic motion.

"Cum for me, Bradley, again." Schuldig groaned, squeezing his muscles hard around Brad as he rode him.

Gasping in pleasure, Brad lurched forward and captured Schuldig' lips in a deep, passionate kiss. At the same time, he grabbed ahold of Schuldig' wrists and held them securely to restrict his movement slightly.

"Are you close, Schuldig?" Brad gasped into their heated kiss, thrusting up into the redhead as hard as he could.

"Ugh, yes! I'm close!" Schuldig moaned, feeling light-headed from the intense pleasure.

"Do you want me to cum inside you?" Brad moaned deliciously.

The whimper that left Schuldig' lips answered his question perfectly. Angling his hips slightly, Brad thrust hard up into Schuldig' tight hole, hitting his sweet spot perfectly. Schuldig cried out and threw his head back in ecstasy. He was so close, he could almost taste it. Brad dropped one hand taking his cock into a vise grip, pumping to match each upward thrust. Finally, he felt the building sensation in the pit of his stomach explode into the fires of orgasm.

He and Brad both cried out as Schu came, his muscles clamping down so hard Brad froze...... he gripped Schuldig' hips hard and with one powerful thrust buried himself up, deep inside his love as he exploded; there would surely be bruises there tomorrow, but they didn't care.

As they rode out the last waves of their orgasm, Schuldig collapsed into Brad' arms, gasping hard. Also gasping, Brad reached up to tenderly stroke Schuldig' wet hair as the redhead rested his head on his shoulder.

"That was so good." Brad whispered into Schuldig' ear. “perfect”

“mmm, yeah” Schu sighed, boneless now, completely spent, eyes rolling back.

Brad chuckled, then gently rinsed them with the last of the bath water, and climbed out, lifting his exhausted lover into his arms. Schu was barely awake, the last few days’ toll finally claiming him. Brad draped his robe over Schu to avoid chill, and carried him to the bed.

He eased Schu down under the comforter, and climbed in behind, to hold Schu tight against his chest, legs entwined. “Sleep now lover. Phone’s on, and we’ll go back as soon as you wake and eat, but for now, rest. I’m here.”

Schu sighed gently, asleep before he could voice a reply. Brad gently stroked back that beautiful copper mane, finally allowing himself to slide into oblivion after his exhausted mate.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

** CHAPTER 30: **

****

**_When we last left Ran at the hospital, as Schu and Brad escaped for a much delayed wedding night:_ **

**_“OK Ran” Ken said as he eased Ran to sit on the side of the bed. “Let’s get you changed huh?” He helped a childlike, malleable Ran to remove the button down, easing a t-shirt over his head from the overnight bag they’d brought from Ran’s place. Then he removed Ran’s shoes, and helped him change into a pair of sweats. He eased Ran back into the mattress, covering him with the blankets. “It’s ok Ran. Rest now. We’re here, Jei and I will take watch. I promise, any change and we’ll wake you.”_ **

**_Ran just looked at Ken, a lost, fearful look on his face for a moment before his eyes slid closed and his breathing evened out, obviously unable to fight the medication and the need for rest any longer._ **

**_Ken watched him for a moment, tears stinging his eyes, then stood back. He was surprised by the strong arms that wrapped around him as Jei pulled him in close. “Jei” he whispered, “Yohji.”_ **

**_“Out cold Tiger. Promise. C’mon. We’ll go back in there on the off chance he wakes, and we’re calling in reinforcements to sit with this one in case he claws his way out of the drug stupor and has nightmares or something. Omi, Yuushi, Manx, I don’t care, but somebody is getting down here to help with the guard duty.” Jei gave a squeeze and stood back. Shutting off the light, secure in the fact that Ran would sleep uninterrupted for, at the very least, an hour or two before he could fight it off, they made their way back to Yohji’s bedside._ **

**_Ken sat, taking one of Yohji’s hands into his own as Jei used the phone at the bedside to make some calls......_ **

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Ran woke to Schu’s panicked voice and his trembling hand shaking Ran’s shoulder “Ran! Ran!” Schu called, and Ran clawed his way up from the darkness to find a pale, shaking Schuldig, tears streaming down his face as he frantically tried to wake Ran.

Brad stood close by, gaze fixed on Schuldig, watching as though ready to catch him should he fall. A grim Jei stood off to the side, near the door, jaw clenched, arms wrapped tightly around Ken holding him close against Jei’s chest as he buried his face in Jei’s neck, body wracked by sobs.

“schu?” Ran asked, waking and growing more fearful by the moment, “Schu? What’s happened?”

“Ran” Schu’s voice hitched, Brad’s strong hand coming to grasp his shoulder tightly, “Ran, I’m... I’m sorry.” Schu’s voice dropped to a whisper, as though afraid to hear his own words, “I -” he cut off, swallowing.

“What” Ran growled, sitting up fully, “What is wrong?”

Brad wrapped both arms around Schu now, pulling him back close against his body. He looked into Ran’s eyes, an spoke calmly. “Ran. Yohji’s gone.”

“gone?” Ran looked around the room at each pale, grim face. Sinking.... he was sinking.... his body growing heavy, heavier with each attempt at breath. “Gone?” he whispered, unable to take a full breath. He tried, gasping, desperate to pull enough air into his lungs. “no” he rasped, bringing his eyes back to Schuldig’s, so lost, so much pain, fear, “no” he whispered again, then forced his throat open to draw in a full, body wrenching breath, “NO!”

Ran bolted upright in the bed, “Yohji!, NO!” he cried, eyes wide, unseeing, as he gripped both hands into his hair and folded over his knees, chest heaving, :Yohji!”

“Ran!” Jei’s voice penetrated his fear, and he reached out to grab onto him, barely registering the strong arms that held him. Ken, behind him, his voice droning as though he’d repeated himself a few times, “It’s ok Ran. He’s ok.” Ken soothed Ran as he began to come out of the nightmare, shaken all the more, to see this strong man so broken. Private, stoic Ran, so ..... afraid.

Jei came forward, easing an arm around Ran as well, “You’re ok Ran, we’re here.” Ran found some control and calmed enough to speak, “Yohji?” he asked, still breathless.

“He’s ok.” Ken soothed again, “I swear.”

Ran looked to Jei, eyes still wide, fearful, “Really Ran. He’s fine, still sleeping, it’s barely dawn. You haven’t been out nearly long enough, though I doubt you’ll wanna try going back to sleep now.”

Ran shook his head quickly, still coming to terms with the fact that .... it was a dream, not... not real. He panted, trying to calm down. Jei went on, “The nurse said at least a couple more hours before he wakes. Dr makes rounds soon, about an hour.”

“I want to see him.” Ran said firmly, and Ken eased back, letting Ran sit up unaided. “Ok Ran. Ok. Just, hold up.” Ken stood up off the bed, then reached back, bringing round a steaming cup of coffee, and a toothbrush in the other hand.

Giving Ran a weary, but warm Hidaka grin, he tilted his head. “Make yourself human again first, huh?” Ran almost smiled, he let the corners of his mouth flutter, and gave a small nod. Ken smiled broader, letting on he’d caught the ghost of a smile, and stood back after making sure Ran’s shaking hands could manage the coffee, dropping the toothbrush onto Ran’s lap.

“Thank you Ken.” Ran said quietly, taking a sip of the brew, “ really”

“’s ok.” Ken answered softly, and turned to one side, coming back with a small bundle. “Nurse said we can use the shower, no problem. Got some of your stuff here” He took the bundle into the adjoining bathroom, “even just a quick one makes a world of difference. Trust me.” He turned to Jei then, giving Ran time to compose himself.

“Gonna step out and grab some chow for all of us,” Ken said, and leaned in for a quick kiss. “back soon.”

Jei stopped him, pulling him back for a deeper kiss, running his hands through Ken’s hair a moment, then just holding him in his arms for a short bit. Sighing, he let go, “Don’t be long tiger, and take Nagi with you. It’ll help him, to keep busy” he stepped back, then watched Ken leave before turning back to Ran.

“I’ll go next door and sit with Omi. You go ahead and get cleaned up a bit, then join us. Ken’ll be back with grub before morning rounds, and Schu and Brad should be here by then too. K Ran?”

Ran took a deep breath, sitting the coffee cup, empty now, on the bedside table. “Thank you Jei. That... that sounds good.” He stood then, toothbrush in hand, swaying only slightly before firming his stance. He nodded to Jei, then made his unsteady way to the shower.

Schu and Brad arrived just after 7am. Yohji still slept and Ran was growing ever more concerned. Jut how much valium had Dr Brice ordered. Surely he should have woken by now.....

At 7:30, promptly, Dr. Brice entered the room. Much too bright and alert, accompanied by another nurse. A matronly woman, with auburn hair and kind eyes. “Gentlemen.” Dr. Brice began. “This is nurse Miller. She will be the regular day nurse for the duration of Mr. Kudoh’s stay. You’ve met nurse Tindall, last night. She’ll be the regular night nurse. The ladies work twelve hour shifts, so you will grow used to them. The weekend nurses will be nurse Keffer and Nurse Adams. Mr. Kudoh will be here for a while, at the least a week, so you will get to know all of the nurses. Now, before I examine Mr. Kudoh, I imagine you have some questions.”

He pointedly looked at Ran, nodding. “Mr. Fujimaya. You look much more clear, though still could clearly use some more rest. Anything you would care to discuss?”

“Thank you doctor.” Ran said quietly. “I did rest some. I do have some questions.” Dr. Brice nodded, “of course.”

Ran paused a moment, then “First Dr. why hasn’t Yohji woken yet. It’s been close to 16 hours now, that’s .... its... that’s so long.” Ran’s voice grew quiet by the end, and he hated the plaintive tone he knew was there, but was powerless to stop it. “please” he whispered, then stopped, forcing himself to stay calm.

“It is not uncommon for trauma victims to sleep extended periods within the early days after such an injury.” Dr Brice smiled around at the group. “Both the physical trauma, and the emotional strain of realizing so much time has lapsed can lead to extended sleep. Don’t worry. He’s not slipped into a coma or anything so drastic, but we are keeping him sedated somewhat to allow healing. I’ve reglauted his dosage, and he will wake naturally at some point today. We’ll see where we are then.”

Dr. Brice checked his watch as he spoke, and so missed Ran’s flinch at the causal address to possible coma. He looked back to Yohji, then. “I estimate probably another two, maybe three hours. We’ll see where we stand then. If he grows too agitated, or seems unable to cope, we will sedate him again for his own safety, at least for the time being.”

Ran nodded, much relieved. Jei stepped up then. “Dr.” he began, “the .... point in time, where Yohji was,... well. It was a time shortly before some tragic events, including the death of a dear friend, followed by the death of Yohji’s parents about two years after that. We don’t want to shock him too badly. What happens if he remembers, suddenly? I mean, is it ... ok, to talk to him, to try to .... trigger memory?” Jei stopped, frustrated, but determined.

“The mind is a remarkably resilient thing, Mr. Fello. While I wouldn’t recommend opening the conversation with these losses, gentle nudges are not only alright, but encouraged. Smells, photos, music, these have all been known to trigger memory recall. Mr. Kudoh may suddenly recall everything, or it may evolve over time. We simply cannot predict at this time how his recovery will progress. Do not be surpised if he relapses, or grows agitated. This will be completely normal. And. He may recall something intellectually, while still unable to connect emotionally, for some time. “

He turned to Ran. “I understand that the glimpse was into a time before your relationship?” he asked, quietly. Ran nodded, unable to speak around the knot in his throat. “Well. He may begin to recall in.... stages. He may remember spending time with you, even know you to be important, a friend, but be unable to recall the emotional ties. And this can take some time.”

He took in the dread growing on Ran’s face, the slight trembling and clenched fists, “that is not to say he will not recall. I only mention it to warn you.”

“Be prepared,” he looked around the group, “ all of you. for a rollercoaster. He may recall things today, that tomorrow he cannot. He may KNOW something, but be unable to FEEL it. And this stage can take time to resolve. Ultimately, every case is unique. What you say to him or talk about, will not alter his recovery. It may only determine the emotional volatility of the progress. Talk about anything he is comfortable with. And be prepared for mood swings, disorientation, and frustration. On your part and his. He may suddenly recall things that catch him off guard, he may be confused, or vulnerable. Just remember. If he does eventually achieve full recall, he will more than likely recall this time period as well. Have care for his dignity.”

He looked around the group again, “Now. Let’s take a look at the physical aspect, shall we?” He turned to Yohji them, reviewing blood pressure, reflexes, the welling at the arm and leg. He noted medications and stepped back. Turnign to Ran he went on “Physically, he is progressing quite well. We’ll give him two more days, then we’ll have therapies evaluate him. And, obviously, he will need a consult with neurology as well. That will likey be this evening.”

He produced a card and handed it to Ran. “This is my pager. I am on call with the hospital already. But if you need to talk, feel free to contact me.” He smiled then, a brief clasp to Ran’s shoulder, and turned and left, Nurse Miller trailing behind, a swift glance to the group with a warm smile before she let the door swing to behind her.

The guys took a collective breath, then settled around the room in the various chairs, cots, and corners, left over muffins and sausage sandwiches passed around for something to occupy hands as they settled in to wait....

XXXXXXXX

Ran awoke suddenly, fear again squeezing his heart, the vision of Yohji walking away, cold voice ringing in his ears “ _I don’t know who you ARE. Leave me alone.”_   

“Yohji,” Ran gasped before he could register his own wakefulness, “don’t go” he came to a sitting position, panting slightly as he realized it was yet another dream.....

“go?” Yohji’s voice. From behind him. “Go where? I don’t think I-”

Ran whirled, “Yohji!” he cried, reaching out toward the bed.

“Ran” Yuushi’s calm voice washed over him, drawing his eyes reluctantly from Yohji. “Schu and Brad went to the cafeteria just a few minutes ago. They should be back soon. You ok?” Yuushi was seated next to the bed, newspaper spread over his bent knee.

Ran blinked, confused. “Yuushi? What?... how... how long?”

“not too long,” Yu answered quietly. “Apparently, that sedative decided to kick in for round two. It seems you’d woken too early. Jei explained,” Yu glanced at Yohji, “about the dreams. I guess once you settled down after Dr Brice left you dropped off again. Ken set you up on the cot. When Yohji woke a while ago, we couldn’t wake you. Dr. Brice insisited you needed the sleep.”

“Yeah man.” Yohji spoke again and Ran drank in the sight of a seemingly lucid, aware Yohji. “You slept like a rock. This guy came in almost an hour ago and you never moved.” Yohji tilted his head, looking Ran over, ‘So.” He drawled, “Yu here tells me he’s part of the band. You in the band too?”

Yuushi’s shocked gasp preceded Ran’s rise from the cot. Yu turned wide eyes to Yohji. “Yohji. No. Wait, Ran’s not=”

Ran spoke, voice quiet, “It’s ok Yu.” He took a shuddering breath. He stood, fear filling him. It was becoming a too well acquainted feeling. One he had been sadly unable to shake these last few days. He came closer to the bedside. As he moved, the sunlight came in behind him, casting a glow around his silhouette.

Yohji was struck by the sight. A flash filled his mind. This man, holding him, warm and alive in his arms, He blinked, the glow about him, those deep, violet eyes, the red hair, such a vibrant color. “Angel” Yohji breathed, and Ran froze. Again, his hand raised toward Yohji. An involuntary, completely instinctive motion. “Yohji.” Ran rasped, uncertainty filling his eyes, his voice filled with anguish, loss.

Ran took another step closer. “Ran?” Yohji whispered, “he said your name’s.... Ran?” Yohji shook his head. “you’re not..... in the band...... Paint, I almost smell, ..... paint. “ he gazed at Ran who held his breath. “And.... strawberries. I can... almost taste it. What?”

Ran was wracked by a sudden sob before he got a firm grip on himself.

“Yohji” Yuushi said quietly, shaking his head. He looked intently at Yohji as Ran took a deep, centering breath. Yohji. There is much, between you two. Ran’s.... part of you man. You said earlier that it felt like something was missing. Well, it’s Ran, Yohji. Look. Just rest ok, don’t... don’t push. IT’s gonna come back. You already remembered the Harley, kinda, and you remember why Jason’s not around. You’ll get there. Something will trigger things.” He thought a moment, “You said paint, well Ran’s a painter. Damn good too.”

Yuushi turned to Ran, easing him toward the chair. “Talk to him. He’s been remembering stuff all morning. Tell him things, remind him. He misses you Ran. He just doesn’t know it. I’ll go get Schu.”

Yuushi left, and Ran stood still a moment, before sinking into the vacated chair. Arms unconsciously wrapped around himself, as though to hold himself together. “Yohji” he stopped, cleared his throat, tried again “Yohji. Are you in any pain? Can I, can I get you anything? Do anything?”

“Yeah” Yohji answered softly, “Yeah, it hurst a bit. But the nurse came in and gave me something already. I got, like 3 hours before I can have anything I figure. So.....” he raised his eyes, taking in Ran’s beauty, his pain.... “Come on. Talk to me huh? Distract me.” He watched as Ran seemed to gather himself.

“I... almost.... remember. You, holding me? Soemthing. Talk to me, help me remember stuff, huh?”

Ran hung his head, ran a hand through his hair. “Ok. Ok, let’s.... let’s talk then.” As he raised his eyes to Yohji’s emerald gaze, Schu entered the room.

“Ran. Oh good, you’re awake.” Schu looked him over, “You ok? Yuushi said-“

Ran cut him off. “I’m fine Schu. Sorry I slept through Yohji waking, but ok. That coffee?”

“Oh! Yeah. I thought you could use some caffeine.” Schu held out the steaming mug. “I was gonna wake you when I got back anyway if you hadn’t come around yet. Seriously, you ok?”

“Yeah, we’re.... gonna talk.” Ran said, taking a sip.

Yohji spoke up then. “Yeah Schu. I.... kinda remember him..... or about him... paint, and for some reason, strawberries. He’s gonna give me a crash course.” Yohji looked back at Ran then, smiling, and Ran’s heart lurched. The look on Ran’s face, such.... fearful hope.... triggered another flash suddenly.

Yohji gasped, blinking, “a...ring?” he whispered, glancing down at his own hand, then to Ran’s. his eyes looked far away, seeing something else, “A....jeep? I don’t...... A girl?......what?”

“No Yohji.” Ran’s quiet voice pulled him back. “Dammit” Yohji cursed, “it’s gone now... there was something.” He trailed off as he took in Ran’s face again.

“No Yohji. Don’t let that be your first remembrance of us. Let me give you other memories first. Please.” Ran pled, “Please” he whispered.

“Ran” Schu spoke. “here” he held out a bag. “The guys brought some pictures, some things to help jog memory. We wanted to wait for you. Look. I’m gonna hang out next door. Knock on the wall if you need anything, okay? We’ll let you guys catch up a bit.”

He stretched a bit, “Manx is holding another press conference this evening, with Omi, to let his adoring public know he’s recovering, but Brad and I are staying here. We sent Jei and Ken home to get some rest. We have a conference set with the police tomorrow, Jei and I, and Omi, to give what we can about the wreck. But someone will be on rotation with you for at least the next few days, all but Aya. We all agreed with Yuushi that she be left out of the schedule.”

He shook Ran’s shoulder at the wide eyed worry starting there. “She’s fine, just.... a bit upset. She’s staying with Manx, and keeping busy.”

Ran relaxed, “Thanks Schu. Again.” He looked up with a wry grin, “I seem to be saying that a lot latrely.”

“That’s what family means Ran.” Schu nudged him. “Now. I’ll leave you two to talk.” He turned to Yohji. “Don’t push Yohji. It’ll come back, Just.... let it.” He smiled then, and quietly left them alone.

 


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31

 

**Conversation**

 

“So..... why is it, that you make me think of strawberries? Is there actually something to that?” Yohji asked Ran as he sat there for a time after Schu’d left, not taking his eyes off the paper bag on the floor between his feet.

 

Ran huffed and smiled wryly, a blush he was completely unable to stop spreading across his face. He cleared his throat and answered softly, “Lately, on special occasions, you seem to have developed a taste for strawberries and cream. Fresh strawberries, strawberry ice cream, strawberry popscicles..... Feeding me seems to have become a mild obsession.” His eyes got a far away look, “At Christmas we had several servings of strawberry shortcake.” His blush grew a shade darker.

 

“So, how long have we..... been together then?” Yohji asked.

 

Ran’s eyes shut and he grimaced, as though in pain. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to regard Yohji. “we met in June, 2007. We have been.... a part of each other... since. But, together? Well.” He sighed, “Let’s see. We were together.... from June 2007, until ....” Ran’s breath caught, and he swallowed, “until summer, 2009. We.... we separated, for a while.” He clenched his jaw a moment, waiting, but Yohji didn’t; say anything. He then went on, “You .... left. You completely right to.... Something, something happened. We tried, to work through it, but.... it was just too...... Anyway, you had enough, and ..... left.”

 

Ran closed his eyes. “Then, you came back to me” he whispered. “Against everything I believed I deserved, you.... came back. We reunited in late summer/early fall 2010. And now it’s January 2012. So, we’ve been together for almost five years, or about a year and a half, depending I guess, on how you count things.” His voice was almost a whisper by the end, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Yohji.

 

He dropped his eyes instead to the picture still held between his hands, letting the sight soothe him. As he smiled softly, Yohji’s voice asked, “a picture huh? Is it us? Can.... can I see?”

 

Ran gave himself a mental shake, and brought his eyes back to Yohji’s. “yes. It’s us.” He turned the photo around. They stood together, arms around each other, obvious in their love. Ran’s hand’s were tangled in Yohji’s hair, and clenching Yohji’s shoulder as he pulled him close. Yohji had one hand cupping the side of Ran’s face, the other twisted in Ran’s belt loops. Mistletoe hung above them, giving an explanation for the red stocking cap in Ran’s hand.

 

The passion of the kiss almost radiated from the photo – almost eclipsed the smiling frame in the background. Omi, obviously containg his laughter at the display. Yohji looked up. “when.” He swallowed, “when was this taken?”

 

Ran watched him, “just over a week ago, at the Christmas party. You hung mistletoe everywhere and declared it “Kiss Ran Day.”.....” Ran’s voice trailed off. Then he smirked, “this was taken just after Jei’d decided it give it a try. You renamed it YOHJI kisses Ran day, and Schu caught the pictured just before I turned it on you...... After that you took down all the mistletoe. Except in the bedroom.” His eyes got a faraway look, “ I think there’s still a sprig in the doorway to the bathroom.....”

 

He blinked, “anyway. Do.... do you remember, anything? Yuushi, he said you remember, why Jason’s gone, renaming Weiss?”

 

“Yeah,” Yohji’s voice was hoarse.... “I.... remembered a bit when I woke up, things are.... muddled though. My.... my parents, the ‘Vette.... I dunno....” He shook his head and stared off into distance a while. “I remember Yuushi, a bit. Comfort. He feels..... comfortable. A friend. He helped me.....” Yohji’s voice trailed off and Ran cringed, just a little. Dreading Yohji remembering Yuuhsi’s helping him.....

 

Yohji focused on Ran again, “I dunno. It’s gone again.” He sighed, “I’m tired, I guess. Though how I can be as much as I seem to sleep. Anyway, so – you paint? I seem to... smell paint.... “ he shook his head. “so, what else is in the bag?”

 

Ran blinked. “I don’t know.” He reached inside. He pulled out a screen print of the album cover painting. Glimpsing inside he saw some envelopes, CD’s and Yohji’s favorite candle from the entryway. He was about to reach back inside for the candle, smells known to trigger memories, when Yohji reached forward, “hey! That’s me!”

 

Yohji held up the poster, “wow,” he breathed as he looked it over, “that’s......I remember,” his eyes lost focus, seeing something aside from the sterile hospital room, “a tour bus..... you... you’re there.” His eyes closed as he hummed bits of a tune, “we’re... dancing. I... you kissed me.” His eyes opened. “kiss me, now?”

 

Ran’s head snapped up and he dropped the bag between his knees. “Yohji” he gasped, as he fell to his knees beside the bed, “oh Yohji, yes. Please” he leaned over, a voice chanting in the back of his head “slow, easy, slow, easy” he leaned in, trailing his fingers into that glorious hair as he brought his lips to Yohji’s. gently he tasted his fill, easing his tongue inside as he deepened the kiss. Yohji moaned, just barely as the kiss grew. Ran brought his other hand up to hold Yohji in place as the kiss grew.

 

He started to shake, inside at first. The fear tried to resurface, causing his hands to tremble, noticeably, and a soft whimper to sound in his throat. He forced himself to pull back, as he felt the tears start to fall. ‘Yohji’ he whispered, ‘Yohji. I was so scared,’ Ran almost couldn’t talk past the swelling in his throat, the vice clamped around his chest.

 

“Shh” Yohji caressed Ran’s face, gently wiping the tears with the corner of the sheet. “It’ll be ok Baby” he couldn’t help but comfort this man, so lost, so obviously in pain. he sighed, “I’ll be honest. I... I don’t really, remember.” He almost winced at the flash of terror/pain in those deep violet eyes, and the way that face closed off almost instantly, “I don’t. I’m sorry. I do remember kissing you, before, and you’re very attractive......” Yohji stopped as Ran sat back on his heels, a .... blankness to his face.

 

Yohji frowned. He didn’t like that look. It was.... wrong, cold, even with the tracks of tears still shining on his cheeks. “look” he sighed, “I’m tired, damn tired. I remember something. Holding you, and the kiss, that was great. I just.... don’t remember US. As an us. I want to, I think. But I don’t, at least, not yet. We’ll.... we’ll just have to.... see. Doc says it could come back all in a flash, or in bits and pieces. Or both, pieces for a while, then suddenly – bam – I’m me again. Let’s just play it by ear huh?”

 

“of course.” Ran answered and Yohji winced. That voice, so... devoid, of anything. Not the trembling, frightened cry of just moments earlier, not the shy, smiling voice, or the fearful, hoping voice. This was, flat, emotionless. Ran stood, “I’m sorry. You’re right, you are tired. I” he cleared his throat, “I will leave you to rest.” He bent to pick up the bag and Yohji could see the rigid control the man held, the tautness to his muscles as though he held himself together to keep from screaming.

 

He didn’t want to hurt this guy. Maybe it was best if he left for a while, got himself back together. “yeah.” Yohji said quietly, and if possible, the an stiffened even more. “maybe I just need another sleep. You can.... you can come back, later, again. And we can talk some more, huh?”

 

“yes Yohji” Ran answered absently as he placed the bag on the nightstand. There was a *twinge* of something at that Yes Yohji. Yohji tried to chase the memory down...but it was gone before he could catch it. BY the time he snapped out of it, Ran was at the doorway. “you’ll come back?’ Yohji asked before he could stop it, strangley not wanting Ran to go

 

“Yes Yohji” Ran answered, back still turned, facing the door, one hand on the handle. “I.... I’ll come back, every day, if you’ll allow it. We can.... talk. For now, rest. I’ll leave the bag here, maybe it will help.” He shuddered, and a tremble entered his voice, “I’ll send someone in, to stay with you.” with that, he was gone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

Over the next few days, Yohji made great progress. Recalling more and more of his time with WEISS, but sadly, most of his life with Ran seemed to be... blocked. Ran refused to push it, afraid of opening old wounds and bringing Yohji pain. He came, every day, and a sort of friendship began to grow, but both knew it wasn’t ..... right.

 

There was a distance. Painful and tortuous to Ran. Causing him to pull further and further into himself, imparing more his ability to connect with Yohji. And frustrating and confusing to Yohji. He knew it shouldn’t be this way. The strange looks his friends threw him when he would absently answer Ran more as an acquaintance, or the way they watched the two interact. And, the way it felt.... it was wrong, but he just could not find it in himself to figure it out.

 

And, sometimes, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. It was frustrating, those looks, and those almost memories. Like “what the heck is wrong with you?” like he should just jump back to it with this guy and pick up wherever it was they’d left off. Like he couldn’t live without the guy or something.

 

But, he didn’t really remember. He saw pictures, and it looked like they were happy, and in love. The guy obviously had it bad. He was in some serious pain that Yohji didn’t know him, but for Yohji it was like..... like watching a movie, or something. He saw it, he heard about it, but they weren’t HIS memories, just..... stories.

 

After a week of recovering, beginning therapy for his leg, and frustrating sessions with neurologists that boiled down to “it will come back or it wont” ....,. and “we’re very encouraged with your progress so far. It’s good you remember as much as you have so far. Give it time... etc” Finally, Dr. Brice announced Yohji could be discharged home and continue with therapy there.

 

Ran brightened at that announcement. Finally, he could surround Yohji with evidence of their life together. It would be easier for him to remember when it wasn ‘t just pictures, stories. When he was finally in the home they’d made together, surely he would remember then.....

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

Ran made his way through the halls of the hospital. A place he’d hoped never to have to haunt again, and yet it had become the focus of his world. The smells that cloyed at the back of the throat, the sounds of hushed conversation and beeping monitors, cries of pain..... all experiences Ran could have forever lived without having to face again. He sighed and rolled his shoulders as he exited the elevator and turned down the hall.

 

His steps quickened as he drew closer to Yohji’s room, but then slowed as he took in a sound unique to a hospital setting; the sound of raised, hushed voices: “I don’t CARE Schuldig” Yohji’s voice growled. In a tone that wrenched Ran’s heart, again.... A sound of fear, pain, frustration. He stopped, unashamedly listening to this passionate Yohji, so unlike the polite yet attracted stranger persona that Yohji presented to him. “I know I SHOULD remember him, but I DON’T. I see him, and I feel...... something, but it isn’t REAL. It’s like......like I’m watching a movie, or something. And he .... he’s hurting from it. And you guys are all..... I dunno, confused by it, but I CANT REMEMBER it.” Yohji sighed, “I don’t want to go there. Why can’t I just go stay with you a few days first?”

 

“Yohji.” Schuldig soothed lowly as Ran waited, frozen in the hallway. Wanting to fell, but completely unable to move. “I explained this already. Now that you’re stable, Brad and I are going to take that week. The cruise company held everything for us. You’ve got three more days here before they check you out, You’ll only be at home alone with Ran a few days before we get back. We leave tomorrow, Monday. You don’t get out until Wednesday. That day, you’ll be too tired to worry about anything, with the transfer and everything. We come back Sunday. You’ll only have three days. You’ll probably sleep the first day or so, then everyone will come to see you’re settled in, then your therapies will start. ....Look. Even when we get back, I’m married now Yohji. Brad needs me too.”

 

There was the sound of Schuldig standing and pacing about the room. “I’m sorry you don’t remember him Yohji. Really. He is your soulmate. Truly. You have to get back to your life. At least give it a chance. You may not remember right now, but it is your life. The Dr said familiar things can help with recall.” Schu’s voice firmed, “you have to give it a shot Yohji. You owe it to yourself .And to Ran. The man loves you. worships you. like no one ever has. You have been happier with him than I have ever seen you to be. GO home Yohji. At least for these few days. If it doesn’t come back, if you decide you need more distance, well, I’m your brother. You know I will do anything for you. We can arrange something after I get back, but give him a chance first. At least try.”

 

The room fell silent then and as the silence stretched out, Ran felt his chest loosen so he could breathe again. He couldn’t thing as he stood there, numb, dying. Finally, his body elected to respond to his unconscious desire to escape, and he slowly turned and retraced his steps down the hall. Just as he turned the corner, he heard Schu’s surprised voice call out “Ran?” But he continued, catching the open door of the elevator with a stroke of luck. He heard Schu’s voice calling his name again before the door closed, but he didn’t see him before they sealed.

 

He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall of the elevator. He took a deep breath and brought his thoughts into focus. By the time the elevator opened at the garage level he’d sorted through some things. As he exited the double doors into the garage he dialed his cell, ignoring the missed call from Schuldig. Jei’s strong voice answered shortly, “Ran? What’s up?” Jei asked.

 

Ran considered again the cheerful, relaxed tone Jei’s voice carried even under the concern at the fore. He was so secure now, in Ken. Something had changed, since Christmas. Something to deepen their bond in a way that it almost shone between them to anyone who looked closely enough. Jei was the next closest to Yohji. He would understand. “Jei” Ran said quietly, but firmly. “I need to speak with you. In person. Do you have any plans today?”

 

“Um...no. I’m open. No problem. But, I thought we were gonna meet at the hospital today?” The curiosity was obvious, but Ran side-stepped it, focused, not allowing himself to be side-tracked. “I need to talk to you, alone.” Then, realizing how that might sound, he relented, “Yohji’s fine, it’s just... there’s been a slight change in plans. Are you home now?”

 

“Yeah man, we’re home” Jei’s reply made clear that bond Ran’d been thinking of just moments before _we’re home_ – whatever he had to discuss alone, would be alone with the both of them, together, as it should be. “I’ll disable the gate. Come on over”

 

“Thanks Jei.” Ran answered quietly and hung up. He knew Schu would probably talk to Jei before he could get there, but maybe that was best. Jei could come to a conclusion before Ran was forced to spill his guts about it. Ran took a deep breath and opened the car door. Just as he sat down he was surprised to hear Schuldig bark “Ran! Don’t you DARE drive away without talking to me!”

 

Ran’s head whipped around to take in Schu striding purposefully toward him. He sighed and stood, shutting the car door and leaning back against it, arms crossed. He nodded as Schu came to a stop across from him, frustration warring with worry. “Ran. What are you doing?” he asked

 

“I have a meeting” Ran said flatly, not a lie. Now.

 

“A meeting.” Schu repeated. “tell me what you think you heard Ran.” Schu came straight to the point. Ran closed his eyes for a moment. Then locked gazes. “I wont force this Schudlig. It’s not ours if it’s forced. He has to find his own way back to me, or find his own way somewhere else.” Ran swallowed and clenched his fists hidden out of sight under his biceps. “I will wait, forever if needed. I will renew our friendship, and as much more as Yohji is willing to allow. But it will be HIS decision, his choice. Not because he thinks he has to, not because it is expected. I’m going to make other arrangements for this week while you are away. An alternative choice. He cannot be alone for a while, he will have to stay with someone, but it does not have to be with me. Especially if it makes him uncomfortable”

  
Ran took a breath. “I will give him some options, and we’ll go from there ..... I still think it best he comes.” He cleared his throat, “comes home. I simply will stay elsewhere until he is comfortable otherwise.” He straightened, “Now, I don’t want to leave anyone waiting. Go back. Tell him to relax. Ken will be here soon, and maybe we’ll have some options for Yohji to consider. You go on your honeymoon. Go while you can before Brad’s work interferes. “

 

Ran clasped Schu’s shoulder and got into the car. Schu blinked. Then snatched out to grab Ran by the arm. “Ran” he said quietly, “I understand. I do. But know this, he loves you. soul deep. It may take time, for things to focus, but you are a part of him. A part he cannot survive without. DO NOT GIVE UP” He shoved Ran lightly, then stood back.

 

He watched as Ran slumped, only briefly, then straightened, steeling himself. Schu watched as the mask slid over Ran’s features, a mask he’d thought to never see again, one he’d thought Yohji’d utterly destroyed, but one that had been reforming, steadily, and deeply, since Yohji awakened. The mask took over, hiding Ran’s weakness, the fear, the pain, the wearniness.... But Ran’s voice, when he spoke, so quietly, belied the calm face.

 

“I wont ever give up Schuldig. Ever. Yohji isn’t just in my soul, he IS my soul. Without him, I am not alive. But I wont trap him. I can’t. Tell him to relax. Wait for Ken before you leave, please.” Now his voice rose, just a bit. “enjoy your honeymoon.” He shut the door then and Schu watched with dread as Ran drove away.

 

He knew Yohji needed Ran, loved him deeper than life. He’d watched Yohji’s dreams over the past week. Dreams he never seemed to recall when he woke, where he called Ran’s name, sometimes in laughter, sometimes in fear, sometimes with moans. Ran was so embedded in Yohji’s psyche he couldn’t be rid of him. His soul cried for Ran, even if his mind could not remember. But, Yohji seemd to be blocking things, almost –

 

Suddenly Schu straightened, eyes wide. Blocking things..... Yohji’s time of memory stopped at a time of happiness, then picked up with scattered bits and pieces of more recent events, Yuushi, touring, pieces of Ran. But the general time Yohji was lost in was a carefree time that Schu suddenly realized didn’t really exist. Shortly after the death of Yohji’s parents, after Asuka had reached through to ease his heart.... But, Yohji’s never, not once since awakening, mentioned Asuka. Like.... like he’d ... blocked her. God. What if his subconscious had chosen to block the memories of his worst pain. So he wouldn’t have to deal with it.

 

As devastating as the death of his parents had been, that hadn’t come close to the havoc of Auska’s death to the nightmare of Ran’s marriage to Miko. Maybe his mind refused to relive those memories. Schu’s own mind fliched from the sudden memory of a hysterical. Brokenly screaming Yohji hovering over a bloodless Asuka at their apartment. Convinced it was his fault, even years later, after he’d come to terms with it, that it was his fault somehow. That he’d failed her by leaving her alone for that short time that they’d walked to the store that night.

 

Schu shook himself and determined to talk with the neurologist. Today. It made sense. That his mind would try to shield him from such pain. and Ran had not been there then, He knew, but then he didn’t really. And he wouldn’t think to do anything that would cause Yohji to recover such a painful memory...... Schu sighed and made his way back into the hospital. ...................

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

 

**FINDINGS**

 

 

Schu sought out Yohji’s neurologist, Dr. Brown, before making his way back to Yohji’s room. He outlined his concerns and a sketchy description of the loss of Asuka and a very brief touch on the separation from Ran. He was both unsurprised, and frustrated, with Dr. Brown’s response:

 

“Mr. Crawford, I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, that yes – Mr. Kudoh will remember and all will be well. However, the truth is, the mind is a volatile, ever changing thing. Each case is entirely unique. It cannot physically harm him to discuss your concerns or these events. Aside from possible pain brought by the memories, there is no harm. Just remember the double edged sword. He cannot recall without pain. It is possible the telling will trigger recall. It is also possible his mind will deny the pain and he will withdraw. At worst, he will be angry, depressed, frustrated that something so momentous was lost to him. Yet, unable to actually recall the event. At best, he will be more tolerant of Mr. Fujimaya, even possibly restored to himself.

 

Honestly, I can tell you that he has recovered amazingly. Physically, there remains minimal damage. But, even with minimal damage, the loss can be irreversible. I repeat my recommendation. Smells, sounds, familiar surroundings. These are your best opportunities for recall. Eventually, you, and Mr. Fujimiaya, must decide. Decide whether to divulge these events, and your concerns, or wait for them to resurface on their own.”

 

Schu sighed as he exited the elevator. Turning down the hallway toward Yohji, he worried... what to do? He squared his shoulders and centered himself as he approached the door. Two more hours, just two more hours and he and his love would be on their way. Finally comfortable enough that at least Yohji would physically recover, that they could indulge in each other and have some quality time .... alone.

 

Now, to try to steer Yohji onto his own right path. At least what he hoped was the right path, for Yohji.

 

Schu found a quiet, pensive Yohji waiting. He sat quietly at Yohji’s bedside, and waited. Finally, Yohji turned to look at him. “so. He was here, huh?” Yohji asked. Schu nodded. “What did he say?” Yohji asked, voice flat.

 

Schu sighed. “He doesn’t want you to feel pressured, pushed. He’s making alternate arrangments just in case. You can go stay with Jei and ken, if you’d rather.”

 

Yohji laughed, a short, uncomfortable laugh “You know, I still cant get past that. Jei and Ken I mean. It, well it fits. They look really happy together, but.... I dunno, in my head it’s still Ken and Omi, ya know?” he shook his head, picking at his blanket. “I met Omi’s new kid, Nagi? They’re .... good together. And Jei, well, he’s happier, more..... centered, than I ever remember seeing. Happier than I ever thought he could be. Ken’s happy too. I just.... cant wrap my head around them. Jei in love with Ken all along, and none of us caught it?”

 

His voice trailed off, and he cleared his throat. “So. I’ve got the option of staying with Jei, or going home with... him.” He looked at Schu then, vulnerable, confused, lost.... Schu smiled. “Yohji, no one will force anything. You can choose one of those options, or you can return to your home, and someone can come stay there. Either with you and Ran, or – and I have no hesitation saying this – if you want, Ran will go elsewhere. All he wants is for you to be comfortable, even happy. We all just want you to find yourself, or find a ...... point from where to rebuild. We love you Yohji, all of us.”

 

Schu shook his head, a wry grin tugging at his face, “of course, ideally, we all want you to remember and everything to go back to what it was. But, even if that doesn’t happen, if you just move forward from here, that’s ok. We just want you to feel..... centered.... again.” He sighed, “look. You decide, it’s entirely your call at this point. But, if I had a say, I’d tell you to go home with Ran, at least for the first day. Give yourself that much Yohji. Give HIM that much. I’s a home you built together, if anything will trigger memory, it will be there.”

 

He stood and paced a bit. Three steps from his chair toward the foot of the bed, three steps to the other side and four steps to the wall again, then back. “Look. If you decide after a day there that you want to try another way, fine. Jei will help you figure out what to do then, but.... give it a chance Yohji, please.”

 

Yohji nodded, “Yeah... yeah, that’s a .. a good plan. Is... is he coming back, today?” Schu noticed he’d still yet to use Ran’s name. Running a hand through his hair, he shook his head. “I don’t know Yohji. Ken... Ken is due in this afternoon. I’ll call Jei, talk to them, see what I can find out.”

 

Schu sat again in the bedside chair, looked at Yohji a moment, and made a decision. Looking intently at Yohji he asked quietly, “Has Ran (slight emphasis on his name there), has he told you why he’s so.... uncomfortable, coming to the hospital?” he watched emotions fly across Yohji’s face. “In fact, have you talked to Ran, really talked to him, about himself or his past, at all?”

 

Yohji’s brow furrowed, and he shook his head, “his past? What..... what about his past? I know we met when he was producing music..... I know he... he paints.” He dropped to a whisper as Schu just watched him, “No... I guess, I guess not.....Not... really.” He dropped his gaze to his blankets again.

 

Schu nodded, and taking a deep breath, forced himself to speak. “Well. Let me tell you a bit. Ran doesn’t want to push you. Doesn’t want to put anything out there that he worries could make you feel like you had to choose, and he’s afraid, I think, of telling you things that might..... persuade you, either way.” Schu shook his head, “Ran wants you to love him, to recognize him and love him, just because you do. And he worries, I think, if you were told anything, significant, about your time together, you might feel..... I don’t know, obligated or something, to give him a chance. He doesn’t want you to ever feel.... trapped, or whatever.”

 

Schu sighed and sat back, hands behind his head, studying the ceiling, “Look. Has he mentioned his sister, Aya, at all?”

 

Yohji, tilted his head, “Cute, princess with the black as black hair? Yeah, I met her. She was with the blonde, Yuushi.”he muttered under his breath, “Yuushi, dammit.” He cleared his throat, “Anyway, yeah. I met her. I know who she is. Why?”

 

Schu kept his gaze skyward and went on, as though musing over a story.... “hmm... yeah, you met her. But has he told you anything about her, other than that she’s his baby sister, and with Yuushi? No. I didn’t think so....” Schu squinted a bit, took a deep breath, and went on. “When you met Ran, Aya ....Aya was in a coma. Had been, for over a year at that point. She’d been hit by a drunk, while riding bikes with him to the park. He waited for Yohji to absorb this, then went on. “It was another year before she woke.

 

“you know,” Yohji murmured. “With as long as we.... were together, you’d think I would remember. “

 

Schu sighed, “I don’t know Yohji. Maybe your subconscious .... is fighting some of it. Look” Schu stood again and walked to the window. “There are things that you don’t remember that, maybe if we could restore everything else, would be best forgotten, but..... I don’t know.... “ his voice dropped, and Yohji could just barely make out, under his breath “ah fuck it!”

 

Schu squared his shoulders, and gaze fixed firmly on the horizon, began to speak “Ran’s father is a right bastard Yohji. A bastard bar none. The prick made Jei’s father look like an estranged uncle..... As her parent and guardian, he held control over Aya’s care. He used this to control Ran. Never mind the issues between them before she was hurt. And there were many. Her injury gave him complete control, and he ruled over every aspect of Ran’s life. As her guardian he determined who would care for her, what treatments or lack she would be given, and thus Ran did his every bidding.”

 

“The fuck hated Ran, with ..... contempt that I truly cannot understand. While he didn’t physically beat him, like Jei’s dad, and there are no physical scars from his.... attentions; his disdain and browbeating was in some ways more lasting. the From ridicule as a child for his appearance, to abuse of his mother, then Aya, Persia utterly beat Ran down, and reveled in it. Once Ran found you, despite Aya’s medical state, he began to come to life, and Persia hated it.”

 

Schu scrubbed at his face, warring with himself whether to go further, but .... something had to trigger Yohji’s memories. Knowing Ran would likely kill him for it, he went on “Ran had absolutely no self worth when he met you Yohji. None. This quite self-confident man you see now simply did not exist then. He had a mask, that he showed to the world, while front man for Krittiker. But he was a robot. Not s person. He had nothing in his life that meant anything, nothing he wanted, apart from Aya. Then, he saw you.”

 

Schu smiled, softly, and Yohji caught the reflection shining in the window “Ran told me once, seeing you perform for the first time, hearing your voice, it was the first time he ever had a ..... physical reaction, to someone. You were his first erotic dream. He said that was his first description for you. You were erotic, beautiful, exotic. He could, and often would – when you were out of hearing, go on with more.”

 

Schu shook his head, the smile fading, “Anyway, Persia hated Ran enough just for being born and having red hair, when he determined, before Ran did by the way, that Ran was _different,_ he made it very clear that Ran was never to indulge any perversions, and should any rumors come to Persia’s ears otherwise, Aya would suffer for it. Even before she was hit by that truck Ran knew not to anger Persia. Aya was his only life. Everything was for, and about her. After she was hit, Ran had no one. So. Ran was alone. Then, he saw Weiss perform at a competition. He said the attraction was so.... forceful, he had to see you. Almost, an obsession.”

 

Schu grinned, turning to face Yohji. ‘You were his first crush Yohji. He’d never even looked at another guy. Much less obtained a copy of the video from the competition and watched it over and over. And certainly he’d never taken the effort to get to know everything he could about any other musician he’d seen. By the time he met you, Ran knew everything he could without actually meeting you. He took that risk, meeting you, fully intending at first to love you from a distance. He just wanted to meet you, maybe be acquaintances, perhaps even friends, if possible. He never really hoped you would actually be attracted to him. Especially as he couldn’t go to bat for you in the industry. But, despite fully expecting you to laugh him off and walk away, he took the chance.”

 

Schu began to pace, slowly around the room, unable to look at Yohji now. “Needless to say, he .... blossomed, under your attentions. It was.... truly remarkable to watch. You began dating in June. We didn’t meet him until September, and even then he was... well. Reticent comes to mind, stand-offish, shy. Anyway, your relationship grew, for both of you, and Ran, despite all his caution and care, fell in love with you. Just... just after he admitted to himself, and you, that he loved you, Persia came from the shadows and delivered a killing blow.”

 

Schu returned to the window, “Persia took Aya completely away. He moved her from the hospital where she’d been under such careful treatment, and refused to give Ran any hint where she was. The doctors had been after Ran to give up on her therapy for some time, to let her go, and Ran had no idea what Persia would do. Persia told Ran,” Schu swallowed, thickly. Unable for a moment, to go on, then forced himself to push forward, “He told Ran he’d arranged a marriage, and that Aya would not be returned until the ceremony was consummated.”   
  
Schu hung his head, fists clenched, as he continued “You stayed with him, in the shadows, under the guise of friendship, seeing each other on tour stops, in between other things. Stolen moments, fewer and farther between..... but it took its toll. Seeing him with her in press releases, him missing scheduled rendezvous, finally, you came to me, broken, hurting, and said you could take no more.” Schu’s voice strengthened, “I was .... angry, at Ran, at the situation. That last time, Ran has stood you up, yet again, one time too many. I helped you, get away. Weiss took a sabbatical, and you.... disappeared. But. What neither of us knew, and Ran didn’t explain to any of us, even after you’d left, was the reason he’d missed that last meeting. Aya had awoken. Finally. Alert, and with memories of Ran talking with her while she slept. It broke Persia’s hold over Ran. But too late. You were gone. And fully aware of how much pain he’d caused you, Ran refused to initiate any contact.”

 

Schu turned back, to a white faced, wide-eyed Yohji. “And, I am shamed to admit, as worried as we all were for you, none of us bothered to go to him. We figured he’d just let you go, and so we let him. After he broke free from Persia and divorced his corporate wife, another true innocent whose life Persia maimed, Ran turned to his art. He opened a gallery, months later, and the opening made the papers. You’d kept tabs on him, while away, and while you’d met Yuushi, he helped you admit to yourself that you had to see Ran, at least once more, to close that chapter. You went to the opening, and you and Ran found each other again. Since then, you have been happier than I have ever known you. In a way I had never though you could be again. Complete, in a way people only dream of.”

 

Schu dropped into the chair next to the bed. “Please Yohji. Even if you don’t remember it, even if you cant feel it, Ran loves you completely. He needs you, like ... air. He will not ever want you to pity him Yohji. And he would be willing to have only friendship, if that’s what happens, but at least give him that. Go home. For one day, go home. If nothing comes of it, fine. Start a new life. We will all be here and help you find the way, but please, please, just.....”

 

Finally, Schu stopped, voice hoarse, eyes cast down to the fists clenched in his lap, and fighting to breathe normally. After a bit, he raised his eyes to Yohji. Taking a deep breath, he smiled softly. “I am absolutely sure I should not have told you that. Ran would not approve. But, it’s your life, and you deserve to know. And besides, in the long run, I don’t think it will matter. Your heart will awaken at some point, and search for Ran.”

 

Yohji sat for a bit, watching Schuldig, then looking out the window. His eyes closed and he replayed the last few days in his mind. Ran’s attentiveness, despite his obvious discomfort with the hospital. He fear and pain, that first day, and that kiss..... the way he looked at Yohji when he didn’t seem to realize Yohji could see. Slowly, Yohji nodded before speaking, “We’ll..... we will, give this a shot then, See where it goes. I’ll go back.... back home, and we’ll go from there.”

 

Yohji visibly shook himself and obviously changed the subject. Schu let him, a little desperate to lift the tension. “You go on your honeymoon Schu. I may not remember Bradley, but it’s more than obvious he loves you. You’ve put it off, but I’m fine. Go, enjoy your cruise, and we will talk when you come home. Jei’s here, and I’ll be ok.”

 

He flashed a grin at Schu and Schu almost gasped aloud at the wry humor sparkling in those beautiful green eyes. He reached forward and grabbed Yohji’s hand. Leaning over, he placed a kiss on Yohji’s forehead, then stood. “ok. I’m off then. Ken will be here soon and Ran will come back tonight, I’m sure. He just has to.... get his bearings. It will work out Yohji, you’ll see.” Schu stood back. “my number is in your cell. Text me of you want, but” and here he grinned and winked, “don’t be too surprised if you get delayed or no responses”

 

Yohji swatted at him, laughing. “go you. get out. Bring me back a present.” Schu bowed a rougish bow and smiling, left to join his love.

 

Alone again, surrounded by the silence, permeated by the beeps and whispers no hospital is ever without, the smells, and the.... feeling, Yohji laid back and thought on Ran. The pain, joy, fear, and hope, in those eyes when Yohji’d woken. The .....desperate longing when they’d shared that kiss, and the shuttered blank, void, when he’d understood Yohji didn’t really remember..... the glimpse of almost fearful hope every single time Ran came back, as though part of him waited to see, hoping that this time Yohji would have remembered him, or at least.... something. Every time.

 

Yohji closed his eyes and let himself drift off, those bottomless amethyst eyes filling his thoughts.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx    

 

Ran seated himself on an overstuffed armchair as Jei sat a cup of coffee before him. “Thanks Jei,” he said quietly. Jei and Ken seated themselves across from him on the sofa.

 

“No problem Ran. You know that” Jei answered, “So. What’s wrong?”

 

Jei held up a hand as Ran raised his head, “And before you begin, Don’t hedge Ran. Tell straight out what is going on.”

 

Ran took a deep breath and sat back. “Yohji and Schu were talking as I arrived today. Yohji.... he....” Ran closed his eyes, swallowed, and went on, eyes still closed as he bowed his head over his coffee. “Yohji doesn’t want to come home. Or, at least not to a home where I will be staying as well. He feels.... pressured, to remember. Pushed into trying to resurrect our relationship.”

 

Ran opened his eyes, “I cant blame him Jei, Ken. You both know Yohji never likes being forced into a corner. He doesn’t remember me.... us. He barely recalls Asuka, and nothing of the tragedy. It’s like his mind.... has blocked things.”   


Ran’s expression hardened and his voice filled with resolve. “I wont force myself, my affection, on him. I will not do that to him.” He looked from Ken’s solemn gaze to Jei’s blazing eye. “I’d like to ask that he stay here, just until Schu returns. By that time Yohji should be able to stay alone with the therapies coming by daily, and it would give me time to stock the freezer for him before....”

 

Ran stopped as Jei reached across the coffee table and placed his hand over Ran’s, lowering the cup.   


“Ran. No.”

 

Ran’s eyes flew to Jei’s own, shock evident in the wide-eyed gaze. “no?” he asked breathless, incredulous.

 

“No Ran. I, No. We will not bring him here first from the hospital. Nor will we keep him here and entertain him for the week Schu will be gone while you prepare meals and your home for him and prepare yourself to leave.”

 

Ran just sat there, staring at Jei as though he’d grown another head. “What?” he asked....

"Ran. I'm not saying we won't help you. We will. Always. But I won't let you throw this away. And I won't let Yohji either. He has to go home Ran. At least at first. He owes himself, and you, that much at least. If it doesn't work out, fine. But Yohji is not a coward. And we can't let him think himself to be. After the first night, if it's too much, or he absolutely thinks he has to have it, one of us will come stay with you. And, if he insists, we can relocate him here, or wherever. But I refuse to stand by and watch a love like yours be tossed aside without a fight."

 

Ran just watched Jei, still as though floored by the initial denial. Ken leaned over and kissed Jei briefly on the cheek as he continued to watch Ran, stubborn determination shining from his honey gold eye.

 

"Look lover," Ken said, "I'm due to the hospital soon. I'm gonna take off. Let you two work this out. But Ran," Ken turned his focus to Ran, whose own expression was morphing from "What the hell?" to "What now?"

 

"Ran" Ken said seriously, "Jei's right. I know. You're right too, but we all have to make Yohji at least try. He's never been one to walk away from something just because it was hard. He may bitch and moan, and play the lazy card, but when it's for real he has never, ever backed down. We can't let him give in this time. Not with so much at stake. We'll make him see, get him to go home at least one night. Being there, where he has been so... at home. So happy. Like the Doctor said: familiar things...the smells, the feel of home, if anything will trigger something, home would be on top of the list. One night, one day of familiar. Then... well, we'll see, huh?"

 

Ken flashed a grin then turned Jei to kiss him softly before standing to go. "So. I'm off. Meet you guys later huh?" He bounded out the door with a wave and a grin, and Ran turned a somewhat less... lost, look on Jei.

 

"Fine Jei. You win. I'll take him home tomorrow, one night, one day. But, and I mean it, no pushing. No argument. If he wants someone else there, that's what he gets. Whether I stay, or go elsewhere, is entirely up to Yohji."

 

Ran took a sip of the coffee, and grimaced at the luke warmth. Setting the cup down, he raised his eyes to Jei. "I mean it Jei. He has to find his way back to me, us, on his own. Or at least because he wants to. Not because he thinks he has to, or to make someone else happy. It has to be his idea. And please, help me keep Omi from overwhelming him. You know how he can get, and Yohji is ... tired. More than he will let on."

 

"I do understand Ran. Really. And I'll talk to Omi, don't worry. I swear Ran. No pushing, no expectation. Just, give it a shot. You deserve the chance Ran. Just as much as Yohji does. You would do the same if it were Ken or I, or Schu or Brad, and you know it."

 

Ran sighed, dropping his head back to rest on the over stuffed back of the chair. "Yeah, I guess I would at that Jei." He closed his eyes. "I'm just... tired, I guess." He whispered, "And scared Jei. Scared to fucking death."

 

"I know Ran. I do. And God, I am sorry. I wish... well. It doesn't matter what I wish. Look. Since you skipped out without a visit, you should go on back in a bit. Schu's heading out today, right?"

 

Ran nodded. "Well. Yuushi is working on something with Omi. He said something about dropping Aya at the gallery after lunch. How about you swing by and pick her up instead. You guys can see Yohji a bit, She'd like to see him Ran, she just... hates hospitals about as much as you. And, this whole situation just hurts her. She loves you Ran, you know that. And it hurts here to watch you hurt and not be able to do anything about it. But, since she's due at the gallery to meet that new sketch art guy by three, you'll have a legit excuse to cut out and not draw out the visit. I have some of my own errands and shit to do. I'll get to the hospital by three myself, and Ken and I will wait there until you get back."

 

Ran sighed, a bone weary, exhausted sound. "That's actually a really good plan Jei. Just... give me a minute and I'll call Yuushi."

 

Jei watched Ran a few seconds, before reaching over to squeeze one shoulder. "Look man. I'll call Yuushi and work it all out. Just chill here for a few. Recharge for a minute or two. Then, when you're ready, join me in the rec room. We'll shoot a game of pool before you go get the princess. You need to relax a bit Ran. It's totally OK to need some down time man, really."

 

Jei patted Ran's shoulder, then stood and headed toward the back of the house. Ran heard the soft beeping tones Jei dialed, presumably calling Yuushi, as he left the room.

 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ran stretched, forcefully, reaching as far as possible with arms and legs in all directions, before letting himself fall boneless back to the chair. "fuck" he whispered. He let himself sit there a moment longer, sinking into the cushions, deeply breathing, allowing the tension to escape.

 

Finally, as relaxed as he would allow himself to be, and actually seeing the possibility of letting himself fall into a nap building on the horizon, he forced himself to his feet. "one step at a time Yohji." He whispered, standing there a moment, picturing Yohji, a Yohji smiling at him with such love, the way he'd looked when their eyes caught at Schu's bonding ceremony. " I swear. I'm going to find some way to bring you back to me. I just have to take it a step at a time. Step one, don't give up. Step two, bring you home I guess. Step three? Fuck if I know..."

 

Ran sighed, straightening up, "Guess I'll have to trust our friends to help point me to the right path..." Ran shook his head, and made his way to Jei and the rec room. A quick game of pool, bounce some ideas off Jei, and he'd take Aya for a visit... step one. ...

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

 

**Decisions**

 

Jei made his way down the hall, balancing the tray he carried. As he approached Yohji’s room, he couldn’t help but grin. Ken’s dismayed voice rose over Yohji’s satisfied cry, “Again? How did you get me again?” Just as Jei entered the room, Ken tossed his cards on the side table in disgust and stood with a growl. “Shh Ken,” Jei scolded. “The nurses are gonna comein here again and get on you. You gotta tone it down Tiger.”

 

Ken whirled, started to give Jei the rundown, finger raised, and caught himself instead. In a clam quiet voice he said, “do NOT paly Gin with this guy. He’s charmed or something, I swear.” He grinned at Yohji and shook his head. “you buy my coffee lover?” he stepped forward and relieved Jei of the tray.

 

Jei leaned forward as Ken’s hands were full of the tray and stole a quick kiss. “Mmm, yah, cinnamon coffee for you, in the red sleeve. “ he reached and lifted the other two off the tray. Turnign toward the bed, he held out one with a green sleeve, “your doctor approves apple tea for you.” he handed off the cup to Yohji and sat into Ken’s vacated chair. Ken perched onhis left knee and nuzzled his neck.

 

“so Yohji,” Jei began as he sat his cup own on the table. “How you doing, aside from killing my boy here?” he grinned at Ken’s groan.

 

Yohji sighed, “I’m fine I guess. Frustrated a bit. Supposed to meet the outpatient therapy people today, figure out a visit schedule and stuff. “ Yohji heaved himself into a more comfortable position. “Brad and Schu are gone, Brad texted from the ship, just before cast off.” Yohji frowned a bit. “I’m glad he convinced Schu to go, really, since Schu said Brad’s job here is a recent development. Don’t want them to miss on the honeymoon just cuz I don’t remember the wedding, him?” he gave a little self-depreciating laugh and sipped his tea.

 

“I know it sucks Yohji, but yah, I’m glad they’re going too. Schu was really excited when they planned the cruise. And now that he knows you’re going to be okay, he can enjoy this with Brad.” Jei tilted his head, and caressed Ken’s back as he leaned forward a bit. Ran was supposed to be here, with Yohji, while the discharge details were worked out. They’d discussed this part, in detail. Jei forced himself to ask. “Yohji...” he waited until Yohji made eye contact. “Yohji. Where’s Ran?”

 

Ken stiffened a bit at the question, confirming Jei’s thought that something was definitely off. He squeezed Ken’s waist in acknowledgement that he’d noticed, but kept his gaze on Yohji.

 

Yohji huffed, “he took his sister somewhere. The blonde” Yohji stopped s second, “Yuushi, dammit!” he took a deep breath, “Yuushi left earlier with Omi, said something about meeting photographers. She said something about the gallery, a meeting..... Guess he’s dropping her there, then.... well I guess then he’s coming back.”

 

 

Jei nodded, prodded Ken off his lap and stood, stretched. “So,Yohji. Still some gaps hmm?” Yohji glared at Jei, “You could say that.” He huffed and crossed his arms, as Jei strode over to look out the window. “I get.... flashes, patches. Schu told me some stuff.... last night. I don’t remember most of it. I remember,” he swallowed, “Jason, actually, all of that... and.... my parents, the vette” his voice trailed off to a whisper and Jei returned to his side.

 

“we’re here Yohji, your brothers. We’re not going anywhere, regardless of what you remember. All of it, or not a damn thing more.Of course, we want you to remember everything, if only to see that wrinkle of worried confusion gone from your eyes, but, really, it doesn’t matter to us as much as you might worry.”  


Yohji looked up, “I get some flashes, but some big holes are there too, and it’s damn irritating. I see Yuushi playing, onstage, and it looks right. But I don’t hear it, ya know? And I don’t remember actually meeting him, or .... you know, knowing him.”

 

“And Ran, Yohji?” Jei asked, “do you remember anything about him at all?”

 

“Paint” Yohji whispered, “I smell paint,.... and strawberries, and...... fuel, oil?” Suddenly Yohji looked up, a flash of anger in his eyes “Dammit! Since that first night when I woke and met him, I’ve got nothing! Nothing else! And I KNOW I’m supposed to, and I SHOULD. But I DON’T! And I don’t know why! It’s just gone, ok!, I’m sick of everyone asking me all the time. FUCK! IF I could just fix it I would, right? Shit!”

 

Yohji sat back, arms crossed as Jei stood rigid, a bit surprised at the sudden outburst. Ken reached from behind and squeezed his shoulder. Jei turned to look back, catching the “we need to talk” look in Ken’s eye and throwing up both hands turned back to Yohji. “Ok Yohji. That’s at least an honest response. Anger, frustration, are completely normal. I’m sorry. I wont ask you again, and I’ll make sure –without beign obvious –“he rushed to assure at Yohji’s horrified gaze “I’ll make sure without giving this away, that the others back off. Ran’s right” he grinned a wry grin at Yohji’s wide eyes “He’s been telling us to leave you alone. I guess we all just wanted so much for it to just work out, we pushed. And I told Ran we wouldn’t. I’m sorry.”

 

Jei held Yohji’s gaze a bit until the tension in Yohji’s shoulders eased noticeable, then said, “Look, let’s just keep ourselves to what’s happened since you woke, k? You still obviously know how to kill at Gin, let’s deal a hand, huh?”

 

Yohji breathed then ducked his head, a sheepish look on his face. “It’s just.... I’m sorry. It’s frustrating to know it’s there, that there is something so important that should be like breathing, and I cant remember it. And the guys is just so intense, ya know? The way he looks at me, even without saying anything, just.... intense.”

 

Jei chuckled and Yohji relaxed even more. “Yeah. That I do know. Intense is a very good word for Ran.” He turned to Ken, “So he took Aya to the gallery? He’s coming back?”

 

Ken nodded, “Yeah. He wants to be here when Dr. Brice stops by this afternoon. The doc said depending on the PT evaluation, he may let Yohji out in the morning as planned, or may wait one more day. Ran wants to know the plan. You know how he is, gotta know the mission – tomorrow, or another day? How many dinners? Light the candles tonight or tomorrow?....” he grinned, “intense, right?”

 

Jei snorted, “well. He’ll be back anyway. So, for now... let me remind you who taught you to play Gin, hmm?” Yohji grinned and sat up straighter....

 

 

 

 

 

 


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER 34**

 

**HOME**

 

Yohji sat in the car looking at the building in front of them for a moment before Ran pulled into the garage. They sat there quietly for a short time, then Ran turned to Yohji. “Anything?” he asked, hope deliberately controlled. Yohji could recognize that now, when Ran’s voice went flat, toneless, he was holding himself so tight, not to let any hope or fear show through.

 

“Not really,” Yohji sighed, keeping his gaze on the items in the garage and away from Ran. He glanced over the accumulated things.... looked like some old sound equipment, what might have been Jei’s bass hanging on the wall, some wrapped rectangles that Yohji was pretty sure were canvases...

 

“That’s ok.” Ran murmured, “don’t worry about anything.” He climbed out of the car and came to Yohji’s door “Let’s get you inside, then I’ll come back for the bags.” Ran carefully helped Yohji to a standing position, making sure his leg remained raised, never letting his foot touch the floor. With one hand about Yohji’s waist, he held Yohji’s balance as he carefully pivoted to ease Yohji down into a wheelchair he’d positioned next to the car when he came around the side. He placed Yohji’s leg carefully on the raised platform and turned to quickly unlock and prop open the door before he slipped behind the chair.

 

Ran steered Yohji inside, mindful of any bumps or corners and entered the living room area, “Sofa or bed?” he asked quietly as Yohji discreetly looked around the room. Yohji tensed a bit, then answered, “Sofa for now. I’m not tired right now.”

 

“Okay” Ran braced the chair near the overstuffed sofa, and locked the brakes. He deftly eased Yohji up, then turned him to gently ease him down to the cushions. Yohji himself manhandled his injured leg up onto the cushions and Ran quickly dropped a pillow there to prop it up. “I’ll be right back,” he murmured and left Yohji to settle in.

 

Folding the small chair he moved it right next to the door, and made his way back to the car. A few minutes later, he returned with Yohji’s bag, a bouquet of calla lilies, and a small tote filled with the latest delivery of cards from fans that hadn’t been removed from the hospital before the discharge. He sat the bag on the floor and the tote in the recliner before making his way back to the kitchen to refresh the bouquet.

 

Ran reentered the living room placing the flowers on the window sill, joining with several other flower arrangements around the room that Ran had brought home over the last week. All the while, Yohji sat quietly watching, looking around the room glancing at pictures and things, thinking.

 

Ran turned and came to a stop near the coffee table, “Can I get you anything Yohji? You want something to eat, or a shower, or –“

 

“Ran,” Yohji said quietly, “I’m fine for now. Sit down Ran. Let’s.... talk, for a bit”

 

Ran sat with some dread, expression closed, showing nothing, but afraid just the same. He moved the tote with the cards aside, setting it on the floor, and faced Yohji. “Yes?” he asked quietly.

 

Yohji watched him a moment then took a deep breath. “I’m remembering more Ran. This morning, I remembered some of the dreams from last night, and there are areas that are not so... cloudy.” He dropped his eyes to his lap. “I remember what.... what happened to As –“he stuttered, “to Asuka.” He swallowed and waved Ran’s movement off as he shuddered, “I called Jei early this morning and we... talked. About it.”

 

Yohji swallowed again, cleared his throat, and went on “I... remember .... some of you. Not all, not ... us, but there are flashes here and there of you. I... I know you meant.... mean something to me.” He took another breath and went on, “It’s.... there Ran. I just... haven’t found it all.”

 

Yohji stopped and took in Ran’s pose, “eyes focused on Yohji’s leg, his own hands fisted on his thighs. “Ran, look at me” Yohji whispered.\

 

Ran closed his eyes for a moment, obviously steeled himself, and looked up. Yohji almost flinched at the raw pain in those violet orbs before they shuttered it away. “Ran. I’m not going anywhere. The guys... they’re right. We have to.... try this. I just want... time. Ya know? A chance to... remember me. Then, get to know you, learn who you are. For myself. Not just from stories, or videos, but in my own head, heart. Before we jump back into anything. Just.... give me a couple days, ok? Please”

 

Ran reached out a hand and traced over Yohji’s arm. He started to speak, stopped and cleared his throat, “anything Yohji” he rasped, “anything. We can... start over. We can be friends first. WE ARE friends first.” He took a quick breath. Focusing on Yohji he spoke firmly, baring his soul, “I love you Yohji. Whatever you need, I’m here. For now, friends. And if you’re feeling pressured or.... overwhelmed, especially with... Asuka’s memory, and need time for yourself, or need me out of your way. I’d planned to stay in the guest room at least at first anyway. With your leg, it’s better anyway. And, if you need the friends you KNOW, that’s fine too. What did Jei say, when you told him what.... what you’d remembered?”

 

Yohji smiled softly, “almost the same thing. He made me promise to come here first this afternoon, to stay for tonight at least, then he offered to come over tomorrow and stay if I needed. Or if I really need him and Ken, they said they’d come tonight. Swore you’d be fine with it.”

 

He stopped and ran his hands over his face, “OK I am tired, more than I thought I guess. Think I’ll take a nap. Here’s ok. Maybe..... maybe we can have an early dinner?” He smiled tentatively, “Something with flavor?” He grinned, “Which after all that cardboard they call food, means pretty much anything.”

 

“I am fine with it Yohji.” Ran answered, “Look. How about you rest, I’ll put on some chili, and I’ll tell Jei and Ken to come on over tonight anyway. You sure you want to sleep here, on the sofa? I can help you to the bedroom...”

 

“Nah. This is good.” Yohji eased himself down deeper into the plush cushions. “I don’t want to move. Comfy.” He yawned “If you’re sure it’s ok, I wouldn’t mind if they came for dinner.”

 

Ran eased the afghan from the back of the sofa over Yohji’s reclined form and just caught himself from caressing his face. He forced himself to step back, “I’m sure Yohji. Really. You rest, I’ll call them now.”

 

“mmmm, yeah” Yohji mumbled as he relaxed into sleep. The painkillers they pumped into him before the discharge finally knocking him out.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxx

 

Yohji woke an unknown time later to the mouthwatering aroma of chili pervading the room and quiet voices in the distance. Stretching, he grimaced. The pain had returned, in force, fully engulfing him for a moment, almost making him sick, before he was able to take a deep breath and get it under control. He sat up carefully, and notice a full sized wheelchair next to the sofa.

 

He turned, and found the smaller, travel chair, still next to the door. Ran must have at some point obtained the bigger one with the padded leg lift for Yohji at home. Yohji scooted himself to the edge of the sofa and grasped on arm on the chair. Just as he braced himself to lift, a voice from behind asked, “And what do you think you’re doing?”

 

Whipping his head around, Yohji came face to face with a stern faced Jei, single eye glaring at his, arms crossed. Shrugging sheepishly, Yohji said “getting up into this thing so I can come into the kitchen.”

 

“uh-huh, right. And when you fall and break the other leg, then what?” Jei glared a moment longer, and came around the sofa. “look fuck-wit. You have to lock the brakes first EVERY TIME” Jei gently pushed the wheelchair with one foot and Yohji watched, defeated, as the damn thing spun slowly in an arc away from the sofa.

 

“Oh” Yohji mumbled.

 

“Yeah. Oh.” Jei growled. “Not to mention that you’re not to transfer alone yet anyway. What if you put that foot down for balance and bear weight? You know they told you NO pressure on the leg, at least another week. If you don’t lock the chair and wait for someone, you’re gonna end up right back in surgery. You want that?”

 

“No” Yohji sighed, “I’m just sick of being helpless, and the chili smells really, really, good.” He turned puppy eyes to Jei and earned a laugh.

 

Jei laughed along, but he saw the tension. He knew Yohji was hurting more than he let on too. “c’mon you.” he pulled the chair back in place, made a point of locking the brakes, and helped Yohji transfer from the sofa.

 

Just as he settled Yohji into the seat, leg elevated, Ran came into the room from the kitchen ,”Yohji?” he asked, “I didn’t know you’d woken.” Ran took in the pale face, the hands unconsciously hovering over his leg, the shaking hands.... “You’re overdue for your meds, you slept pretty good. Let me get you something to take the edge off. You can take it with your dinner. Hungry?” he asked as he turned back toward the kitchen.

 

“Yeah. Thanks” Yohji answered as Jei steered him toward the table. “And yeah, I’ll take something. But only half. The full dose just knocks me off, and I’m sick of sleeping so damn much.”

 

Ran glanced back and Yohji for a minute, then nodded. Ken turned from the stove as Ran rummaged in the bag on the counter. “I’ll get ya a drink, what’s your poison Yohji? And don’t ask for a beer. You’re a few weeks out from that yet. But, I figured you’d be done with ice water and 7Up for a bit.” He flashed a grin then turned to the fridge, “we got Sobe juices, Mt. Dew, Gatorade... your call.”

 

Yohji grinned, “do you even have to ask?”

 

“Mt. Dew it is” Ken laughed as he produced a bottle with a flourish. Then he sat a grape juice down as well, “And something healthy too. Let’s keep Ran balanced, hmm”

 

Ran swatted him in the back of the head as he came over with Yohji’s meds. “here. Try this. I’ll get your bowl.”

 

“Already got it” Jei smiled as he sat a bowl before Yohji, and another in the seat across from him. “Have a seat Ran. I got this”

 

“Thanks” Ran smiled softly and took his seat. Ken got drinks for the rest and they all sat to enjoy the aromatic chili. The rich spicy aroma grew stronger, and Yohji had a flash of..... something..... Ran? licking chili from his fingers? Chili piled high on .... a hotdog. Ran smiling, bright, open, in a way Yohji knew HAD to be a memory. He’d certainly never seen him smile that way since he.... woke.

 

Yohji gasped before he could stop it and all speech dropped. “Yohji?” Ken asked as Ran reached across the table. “Are you ok?” Ran’s deep voice asked and Yohji’s eyes flew to his. Yohji swallowed. Took a deep breath and swallowed again. “Yeah,” he choked out. “Yeah, just.... the smell, it’s.. familiar I guess”

 

Jei grinned, blustering to let Yohji regain his composure. “Yeah I guess it would be. Ran here makes the best damn chili I’ve ever had. Bit of a tradition for us to have it once a month or so.”

 

Yohji smiled, “well, if it tastes as good as it smells, I can see why.” He leaned forward and took a bite and his eyes closed, a moan coming from his throat. Ran’s eyes widened for a second, then quickly closed as he took his own bite. Yohji opened his eyes wide, and quickly took another bite, angst from the earlier memory forgotten for the moment in the rapture experienced by his tastebuds. “Damn!” he growled as he swallowed, “That is good!” He quickly took another bite, then smiled an open, happy smile at Ran.

 

“I’m glad Nissho.” Ran answered before he caught himself, and Yohji’s brow furrowed, “Nissho?”

 

Jei jumped in with a story about Ran’s cooking prowess and soon everyone was smiling, relaxed. Yohji’s pain meds, even at half a dose, were still pretty powerful. It had been a long day with the relocation home, and it had been a rough night the night before with the memories of Asuka overwhelming Yohji, robbing his sleep. Soon enough Yohji was nodding over his empty second bowl of chili.

 

Ken smiled softly as he removed the bowl, brushing Yohji’s hair back and leaning over. “We’re gonna take off man. We’re always a call away, you know that.” He stood, “Try to get some sleep, huh?” Yohji nodded as he yawned, “Looks like that wont be a problem.” Jei laughed.

 

He clasped Yohji’s shoulder, then shrugged and leaned down for a hug. “Sleep Yohji. Rest and heal. We’ll be around” He and Ken cleared the table, then made their exit.

 

Ran put the chili away and turned back to Yohji at the table. “Well, let’s take the tour and get you settled into the bedroom., huh? You’re still in pain, and I think maybe today took more out of you than you want to admit.”

 

Yohji sighed. “Yeah. I guess it did at that.”

 

Ran steered Yohji slowly around their home, despairing inside of ever having his love back as Yohji failed to recall anything on the tour. Even the studio earned only a passing interest. Finally they came to the bedroom. Yohji sat quietly a moment, then sighed, shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry Ran, it’s just.... a place. There’s nothing..... there.”  


“It’s okay Yohji.” Ran whispered from behind him, ‘You’re exhausted. Give it time. For now, let’s just focus on tonight.”

 

He helped Yohji onto the bed, Yohji leaning back to take in the skylight, Ran’s heart freezing yet more at the lack of recognition..... He carefully avoided eye contact, not wanting Yohji to feel like he was letting Ran down, or that there was any expectation...or to let Yohji see the pain he knew he couldn’t hide....

 

Ran helped Yohji ease into his favorite sweats, especially careful of the leg, and eased him under the comforter. He reached over to the nightstand. “I know it’s cliché, but here’s a bell. If you need me, for anything, ring. Please. We’ll... figure out a shower and everything else tomorrow. Alright?”

 

Yohji grinned, shook his head, and promised. He settled down, unable to hold his eyes open any longer. Ran stood, just watching him for a minute, then left the room, leaving the door ajar as he went. He listened outside the door for a short time, then made his way to the next room.

 

Seating himself on the guest bed, his own door firmly, if silently, shut behind him, a shaking Ran gave in to the pain, fear, .... terror, and buried his face into the pillow clutched in white knuckled fists, as sobs wracked his frame.......

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

**CHAPTER 35**

Nightmares

 

 

_Yohji stared at the image before him, stunned, cold, chest so tight he couldn’t inhale a breath no matter how he tried. Finally his efforts broke through the vise clamped around his heart and he sucked in a harsh breath, only to loose it immediately in an anguished cry, “No! I – I... NO!” he dropped to his knees, sliding on the tile in the slick, sticky blood coating the floor and reached trembling hands to search frantically for a pulse on the too white throat of the broken princess lying in front of him. As he connected with the cold, lifeless flesh, he screamed again, “Askua! No! SCHULDIG! Schuldig, DO something! Help!”_

He tried to jump up, to go get help, but instead he found himself suddenly sitting upright in an unfamiliar dark room, sweat drenched skin cooling in the breeze of a fan on a nearby dresser. Just as he blinked, trying to make sense of where the hell he was the door banged open to his left, light from the hall flooding the room. A pale redhead stood there with fright wide eyes, “Yohji?” he panted, “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

 

Yohji stared for a moment until the man took a step into the room, coming toward the bed. “Who the fuck are you?” Yohji blurted, still disoriented. “Where the hell am I?” he looked around the room, missing the flinch the other gave, “Where’s Schudlig?”

 

“Yohji” the man said, “it’s ok. You’re at home. Schuldig’s not here”

 

“Home? What the hell?” Yohji scooted back on the bed, then stopped quickly at the pain that shot up one leg, “Ahh!” he doubled over, hands cradling his leg. The man came closer, “Careful Yohji” he cried.

 

Yohji jerked his head up. “Stay there!” he barked, holding up one hand. He panted a minute shaking off the cobwebs, then slowly began to remember things. He wasn’t in his old apartment, Asuka wasn’t lying cold and lifeless in a pool of her own blood puddled all around her in his bathroom. Schu wasn’t here.... It was later, years later, Asuka was....gone. For a long time. Gone.

 

Yohji’s heart cracked, he felt it. A spreading crack trailing across his heart, just like those earthquake demonstration in the cartoons. It trailed completely across the surface of his heart, then it split in half. He gave a choking sob, clenching his arms tightly around himself, to try to hold the pieces together. “Fuck” he whispered, completely unable to hold back the tears now rolling down his face, “oh fuck, it hurts”

 

He started to rock, still with his arms tightly wound, fists clutching his biceps.

 

“Yohji” the deep voice penetrated the fog slightly, “Yohji, I’m gonna call Jei, alright? Schu’s not ..... he’s on a trip. Too far, but Jei’s close. Just... hang on”

 

Yohji nodded as well as he could and the man raced from the room, only to appear moments later, a cell in his hand. He dialed a number from speed dial, then turned on the bedside lamp, illuminating the room. “Jei”” He asked warily, “We... Yohji needs you. No. He’s not.... hurt, but.” He cut off a moment, then sighed. “No Jei, I’m not going to be able to help here. He’s had a nightmare. Apparently pretty bad. Yeah. He doesn’t seem to ......... recognize me Jei.”

 

The redhead, he was shaking Yohji noticed now, sat slowly into a wheelchair of all things, situated near the bed. He listened a moment, answered a few times here and there, “yeah.... I think it had to be..... he called for Schu.” Finally, he nodded, then seemed to remember Jei couldn’t see him. “Ok. Yeah. See you in a bit then” He closed the phone, took a deep breath, and turned to Yohji.

 

As he watched and listened to the redhead make the call, slowly things came back to Yohji’s consciousness. This was HIS room, HIS house. This redhead was .....Ran, his lover they all insisted, until the motorcycle crash. A motorcycle he could clearly see in his mind’s eye when he considered it, but that he could not for the life of him remember actually riding.

 

He watched Ran, remembering their interactions since he’d woken, but still cloudy on anything more.... As the light filled the room, the light playing off Ran’s hair as he turned from the bedside table back to face Yohji, brow creased with worry, a flash was there, then gone. Ran in his arms, dancing, smiling softly, a ... smudge? on one cheek, oil? The smell of....gasoline? Then, Ran sitting at a table, eyes downcast, a lost sad look on his face..... Ran, eyes shining with what had to be love as he looked at Yohji, laughing, flour dusting one cheek....... Ran, eyes clouded with passion, head thrown back as Yohji watched from above him...... Yohji shook his head as the memories turned to smoke.

 

“Ran” Yohji croaked, unable to stop rocking, but slowing, and easing up on the bruising grips on his own arms.

 

Ran’s eyes flew to Yohji as he eased the cell phone into his pocket. “Yohji?” he asked carefully. “What... what do you remember?”

 

Yohji closed his eyes, dropped his forehead to his knees. “I remember last night. I remember.... everything since, since .... waking .... at the hospital. It’s just.... I remember that.... that it’s already happened, that she’s “ his voice broke, “she’s gone, for ... since.... but, I just, I saw it, all over again, it’s so.... fresh, like.... like she’s just died, all over again.” He shuddered, cleared his throat, took a deep breath.

 

Ran sighed and stood. “I’m sorry Yohji. Really. Maybe.... maybe with you remembering Asuka yesterday, we shouldn’t have had you come home here without Jei or Ken. With Schu gone, you need some support, and it’s obvious you still don’t really remember me. You’re not going to find any comfort in this from me.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Look. It’s.... it’s almost dawn, I’ll get some coffee. Do you, would you want to stay here, or get up and come to the kitchen?”

 

Yohji briskly rubbed his arms, forcing himself to sit up. “I’ll get up, I ..... I . maybe a change of scenery. God knows I’m not ready to go back to sleep.”

 

Ran smiled wanly and eased the wheelchair over next to the bed. “Yeah. I can see that.” He gently eased Yohji over the side of the bed, and the movement brought another thought into Yohji’s minds, mercifully clouding the memory he was facing right now, “Ummm,” he stammered, “I gotta.... I gotta take a leak” he stammered.

 

Ran grinned, “I figured, you always wake up like someone turned on a faucet” he looked up quickly at Yohji, then back down as he eased Yohji off the bed into the chair. He steered the chair into the bathroom, and standing with his back to the toilet, arm around Yohji’s waist, he heaved Yohji into a standing position. Holding him so there was no weight on the bad leg, but allowing Yohji his dignity to piss on his own.

 

A little shaky, Yohji managed, then cleared his throat to let Ran know he was done. Ran eased him back down, parked the chair in front of the sink, and flushed the toilet. As Yohji washed his hands, he reached up into the medicine cabinet and brought down two toothbrushes. Treating both to a dollop of paste, he gave the green one to Yohji, keeping the red for himself and they spent a moment cleaning up.

 

Ran steered Yohji into the kitchen, and filled the coffee pot just as a knock came to the door. He let Jei, followed by a bit of a bleary eyed Ken, into the kitchen and calmly took down two more mugs.

 

They sat a moment, at the kitchen table, sipping the coffee, until Jei cleared his throat. “Yohji?” Yohji turned a hollow gaze on him and Jei winced, “You wanna talk about it man?”

 

Yohji sighed, “I... guess, but not .... not any details, ya know.” He cleared his throat. “Schu’s gone, right? Honeymooning.” He tried to flash a smile, but it was weak at best. “I just, it’s like it’s all just happened again Jei” his voice broke, “God, I found her.... she was...” he couldn’t talk anymore, and began to shake.

Jei looked solemnly at Ran. A pale, haunted looking Ran, and stood, making his way over to Yohji. He stepped behind the wheelchair, leaning down to hold Yohji tight. “It’s ok man, I know. I remember.” Jei’s own voice was hoarse, tight as he held back tears.

 

When Asuka’d taken her life and left Yohji broken, Jei hadn’t cried much. He’d loved her too, sure. Anyone who loved Yohji loved her, she was just so full of life, and such a part of Yohji. But, when she’d left them, Jei had been so mad at her, hurt for her, and totally understanding why she couldn’t take it anymore, but so full of resentment at what her death had done to Yohji that he couldn’t think of her without getting angry. He’d avoided Yohji for a while afraid of hurting him more if he figured out how mad Jei was with her.

 

Jei let himself hurt with Yohji this morning. Yohji needed it, and Jei was surprised to find he might as well. He let go of the anger, resentment, with her, and just let himself feel the pain and loss. He shuddered once with a harsh sob he could not hold back, and buried his face into Yohji shoulder.

 

A chair scraped across the tile and he jumped, lifting his eyes to find an alarmed Ken reaching for him. He raised one hand, pulling his tiger close to sigh into his chest as his other arm remained tight around Yohji. This, this would help him deal so he could again be strong for Yohji. Back then, Jei’d been alone, trying to be stoic, tough, strong, he’d watched as Yohji went through hell and not let himself feel anything as much as possible. Ken had Omi then, and had been strong for him, Schu had held Yohji together as much as anyone could, and Jei’d just guarded them all as well as he knew how.

 

But now, now Ken was his. He could be strong for Ken, or he could let Ken be strong for him. Something he had never in his imagination dared to dream he could find. He allowed another sob to wrack his body as Ken held him tight, while reaching his other arm down to help hold onto Yohji. “Yohji, man, we’re here. We’ll get through this.”

 

Yohji nodded, still shaking, and desparately holding onto Jei’s arm draped around his chest. He leaned his head agains Ken’s arm, absorbing the strength of the hand squeezing his shoulder.

 

Jei took a deep breath, pulled himself together, and stood a bit straighter. He looked into dark chocolate eyes, full of love, and leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you Ken. Love.” He squeezed Ken close, let Ken squeeze him tight, then stood as he felt Yohji’s trembling ease back. Running one hand through his hair, he rolled his shoulders and turned to face Ran. Only to find the redhead gone from the room. He glanced around to make sure, but Ran was nowhere in sight.

 

Sharing a glance with Ken, Jei squeezed Yohji’s shoulder and came around to kneel in front of him. “Yohji? He asked as Yohji visibly gained control. “What do you wanna do man?”

 

Yohji let loose a dark chuckle, “Fuck if I know Jei.”He closed his eyes and let his head fall back as he took a deep breath followed by a hollow sigh. “They were right, I am remembering.... more, here. But not more recent things, not really. When I woke up I didn’t even know who the hell he was for a minute.”

 

“That’s not unusual Yohji. You were in a flashback, it could have happened even without this.... situation. For a minute anyway.” Jei tilted his head, “You wanna come stay with us for a day or two? Get your mind off everything? We wont talk about anything, if you don’t want to. We’ll de-stress, just hang, have fun.”

 

“Actually,” Ran’s deep voice came from the doorway, pulling all three men’s faces toward him, “with the leg, it’s probably better if he stays here.” Ran forced himself to go on in the face of Yohji’s obvious disappointment, “But, you can stay here instead Jei.” Ran locked eyes with Jei. “I thought about it, after we’d discussed Yohji going to your place. After I.... calmed.”

 

Ran refused to let himself look at Yohji now, remembering that look on Yohji’s face when he’d woken and seen Ran, then again when Jei’d appeared in the kitchen. “Your place is not exactly wheel chair friendly, with all those stairs. At least this is all one floor. You guys stay here Jei. I’ll go visit Aya for a day or two, let Yohji relax.” He held up a hand at the wrinkle in Jei’s forehead and the parted lips, before Jei could protest. “I’ve already called her. I’m gonna get a few things together and let Yohji have some space.” He flicked a glance to Yohji’s pale face. “ He needs a break Jei.” He whispered, eyes pleading – _please let me do this, I need a break too...._

 

Jei could see the exhaustion, pain, and fear in Ran’s face, and understood. “Yeah” he breathed, “I guess maybe that would be best. He’ll be comfortable here, therapy’s already set up.” He sighed and looked back to Yohji. A Yohji who was dozing now, head pillowed on Ken’s arm with his hand still holding Yohji’s shoulder. Yohji looked so tired, so pale. Jei reached up and gently brushed some hair back from his face.

 

The touch roused Yohji and he blinked at Jei. “Hey man” he rasped, “maybe.... maybe I’m more tired than I thought.” His face twisted, “And my leg fucking hurts.” He grimaced again and asked, “Whatever they gave me, is it time for more?”

 

Jei glanced back, but Ran was already on the move, placing a white tablet and a glass of juice into Jei’s hands almost before Yohji stopped asking. “here Yohji.” Jei helped steady the glass in Yohji’s still shaking hands. “Look man. We, Ran and I, and Ken, we think it’s best for you to stay here, in your home. You’re more relaxed than you seem to realize, and things here are set up for your recovery. But, we don’t want to pressure you. We talked about it, before. You need a break, where you don’t feel like you have to try all the time.”

 

Jei glanced up at Ken, seeking strength there, then a quick glance again at a stoic Ran, before turning back to a somewhat glassy eyed Yohji. “Ran’s gonna go stay with his sister a day or two, let you just chill, alright? I’ll stay here with you, get things started with PT and stuff. We’ll see where things go from there. K?”

 

Yohji nodded, tired, but obviously relieved. “Yeah, that sounds.... good man. No pressure, no... thinking. Just some rest, right?” His speech began to slur by the end, and his head wobbled a bit. The stress of the nightmare memory, and the painkillers kicking in together to knock him off his center. Jei chuckled. “Come on man, let’s get you back to sleep.”

 

Yohji’s eyes flew open. “I dunno.”

  
Ken squeezed his shoulder, a reminder he was still behind Yohji. “Don’t worry Yohji. We’ve got your back. Jei and I aren’t going anywhere. If you have another dream, we’ll be here.”

 

Yohji slumped, “Ok, yeah. I do need the sleep, and.... I gotta face it anyway, right? Shit, I’m tired.” He turned to grin up at Ken, “Home james” he intoned with an imperious wave toward the hallway. Ken laughed and bowed, “Yes my lord. Of course.” He winked at Jei and steered Yohji toward the bedroom.

 

Jei turned to Ran, unable to miss that Yohji didn’t look at him again, once he and Ken had embraced him. From the look on Ran’s face, he hadn’t missed it either. “Look Jei, I’m tired too. IT was ..... a long night. Dawn’s still a bit off. I told Aya I’d be over by lunch. Let’s crash for a bit, then I’ll pack a bag and go before Yohji wakes.”

 

Jei stood, taking Ran’s shoulders in his hands. “Only for a few days Ran. Just to let him get his bearings and get through,.... this. He’s endured it once, he can survive it again.”  
  
“I know Jei.” Ran turned to gather things for Jei and Ken to make up the sofa bed, and Jei almost didn’t hear the quiet murmur, “I’m just not sure if I can...”

 

Jei stood in the kitchen a few moments after Ran left, eyes closed, gripping the back of the kitchen chair. Remembering the dead look in Ran’s eyes, the pale face, dark circles..... the despair he’d sensed growing in Ran, he worried. Worried about losing Ran, about Ran, despite his promise to always fight for Yohji, to wait however long it took, worried that Ran might decide for Yohji’s own good not to push. To..... let go.... “Yohji” he breathed, “Please wake up, please remember, before it’s too late and the robot of the Krittiker prince comes back.”

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36 –

 

**Recall**

 

Yohji woke slowly, groggily dragging himself from what felt like hangover sleep. His head felt.... foggy, and hurt a little, and he was all achy and sore, stiff almost. He lay there a moment, trying to figure things out. He turned his head to one side, eyes scanning the bedroom, the dim light disorienting. Something was..... off. The curtains were drawn, the skylight covered.... but it was obviously daytime. Why was he sleeping like the dead in the middle of the day when he was at home? Usually this kind of awakening was in a hotel room somewhere when they’d totally overdone things on tour.

 

He went to sit up and was arrested in the movement by the sharp, gut wrenching pain that shot up his leg. The pain jolted his memory and he gasped. Then, he couldn’t breathe at all for a few heartbeats. Heartbeats that felt like they came one at a time, in super slow motion. He remembered. He _remembered._

 

Yohji fell back against the headboard, panting briefly, as things jumbled through his racing mid. His heart ached, the pain sharper than the stabbing throb coming from his leg. The nightmare from that early morning rose vivid in his mind and he mourned for Asuka. His lovely, sweet, broken princess. Even as he relived that loss, grief fresh and sharp at the knowledge that he’d _forgotten_ his beautiful, bright Asuka, his mind screamed at him and his chest seized again with a deeper, darker pain. Asuka was gone, had been gone, for some time. His mind had numbed that pain, made it bearable, liveable.

 

Oh....oh _fuck_ , Ran!. Fuck. He’d forgotten Ran. His soul, his lover, his purpose, the one who’d restored love and meaning into his life. Ran lost, confused, heartbroken Ran, looking at him with those deep violet eyes of his so full of fear, and worry.... so worried when Yohji woke, so full of hope when they first talked, so broken when he’d realized Yohji didn’t know who he was.

 

Yohji had not only forgotten Ran, as though he wasn’t worth the memory, he’d....pushed him away, disdained him, resisted him at every turn these last weeks, not even friendly, not really. And now, Ran was leaving. Going away from _their home._ The one place Ran had come to feel was HIS. The place Ran should always, always feel safe, be secure, and Yohji’d turned it into a place of fear and loss. A place Ran now felt he did not belong.

 

Yohji closed his eyes and took a deep breath as memories of Ran washed over him, through him.

 

Ran, lips parted on Yohji’s name as he came undone in Yohji’s arms. Yohji could almost hear his moan, feel Ran’s breath ghosting across his ear.

 

The look on Ran’s face when he’d given Yohji the costume for that masque ball

 

Ran laughing as he contemplated blackmail with Schuldig.

 

Ran’s explanation when he’d called Yohji Nissho,

 

Ran’s shy smile as he gave Yohji a present, always so eager to see Yohji open something.

 

Ran, deep inside him, wrapped tight around him, “yes Yohji” rasping from his throat

 

Ran, running, laughing, as Yohji chased him with the frosting spoon, himself covered in cake batter.....

 

Ran’s kiss, Ran’s smell, Ran in his arms, or he in Ran’s.....

 

Ran, sweaty, tense, broken as he recounted Persia’s taking Aya away, as he’d told Yohji he’d have to marry Miko.

 

Ran, cold, distant as he broke yet another meeting time to go somewhere with Miko

 

Ran’s voice as he begged Schu to tell Yohji he could explain.

Ran, desparate with hope when Yohji’d faced him at the gallery, and again when he’d understood Yohji’s comment about joining him on tour

 

The incredible swell of love/loss/want/need Yohji’d felt when they’d made love again after so, so long apart, and he’d realized Ran had been with no one else, in all that time......

 

And, Yohji, unable to remember since waking up, being angry and frustrated, had closed off from Ran, denied everything about them. In doing so, he just knew he had fed into that little voice that never left Ran, that voice that sounded like that piece of shit Persia. Fed that lost little boy part of Ran that was buried deep down, that part that no matter how much Yohji told him he loved him, and he was needed, still believed he was not worth the love, not worth effort or cost. And now Ran was going to leave, may already be gone, to go God who knows where, probably Jei’s, or Aya’s, just so Yohji wouldn’t feel pressured to remember him, to love him again....so he wouldn’t be responsible for causing Yohji pain.

 

But God! What if he kept going? What if he decided he didn’t want to convince himself to fight, was unwilling to endure continuous rejection, not believing he was worth it to make Yohji endure what it might take to restore all of his memory..... for Yohji’s own good. What if it was just too much and he decided not to push, not to force things?

 

Like before, when Yohji’d finally left, unable to endure Ran married to someone else. Ran, convinced he’d been the cause of all of Yohji’s pain, instead of accepting it was really Persia who deserved the blame, had given in. Ran had been willing to endure alone, never putting himself forward, had been willing to stay away to allow Yohji to find a life of his choice.

 

He’d never pushed to try to come after Yohji, convinced he didn’t deserve to interfere in Yohji’s life, that he was not worth the trouble it might bring to Yohji’s life to try to seek him out. He would have lived alone, a recluse, with no laughter, only his paint and his pain.... what would stop him from doing it again? From convincing himself Yohji’d be better off just starting over, a clean slate, without having to remember all that they’d been through, what had caused Yohji to leave back then.

 

What if he decided it was better to just let Yohji move on, without the pain he’d have to remember to remember Ran? He had enough loose cash to be able to stay off the grid long enough to make finding him all but impossible. He could paint under an assumed name so that even when he did stay somewhere, he could still be in hiding. He’d do it too. If he brooded for too long, he could convince himself, Yohji knew it.

 

Fuck! How long had it been? What day was it? When was the wedding, the crash? Fuck! The crash! His bike! He’d wrecked his baby! Shit, Schu’d never let him get another one, not after this, never mind Ran, Jei or the rest of them..... Damn! Think! What day was it? He’d wrecked on New Year’s..... how long had it been? A couple weeks anyway.....

 

A faint sound penetrated Yohji’s frantic recollections, a soft click, followed by a jingle and shortly after, a slight thump. He tried to place the sounds, then his eyes widened. The latching of a suitcase, and someone lifting the handle, then the case being sat near the wall. No!

 

“Ran!” he called, sharp, desperate, determined to stop this. He scrambled toward the edge of the bed, looking for the wheelchair. Damnit! Jei had placed it back from the edge of the bed when he’d helped Yohji get settled earlier. It was over closer to the wall, not in easy reach. Yohji leaned forward, stretching to reach the wheel, arm, anything. “Ran!” he called again as the chair rolled away from his grasp. “Fuck” he panted.

 

As the chair rolled slowly further to the side and he stretched one hand out to try to pull it back, he felt himself overbalance. He twisted his fingers into the comforter, the other hand blindly scrabbling for the nightstand as he clenched his teeth in anticipation of the pain that would wrench his leg when he fell.

 

Before he could topple from the edge, Ran was there. “Yohji!’ he cried from the doorway, lunging forward to catch Yohji as his grip fumbled from the edge of the nightstand, before he dared to put any more pressure on the leg. “Yohji! What’s wrong?” Ran asked, slightly panicked as he called over his shoulder, “Jei!”

 

Ran had seen the look of panic on Yohji’s faced as he came to the door, drawn by the panicked cry of his name, even before Yohji’d began to tip and he’d dashed into the room. Another nightmare? Ran’s eyes clenched as his heart broke a little more. To know Yohji’s pain and the devastating loss of Auska would widen the chasm between them even further, would cause Yohji to build even thicker the shield around his heart and mind.

 

Before he could call again, even before he’d managed to reposition Yohji, Jei was there. “ Yohji, it’s ok. We’re here man. Calm down”

 

Yohji panted, a death grip clamped onto Ran’s bicep as he was uprighted into a sitting position. Ignoring Jei utterly, he kept his eyes locked with Ran’s. “Ran.” he said, intent, focused, “Don’t go. Don’t leave. I remember, Ran.”

 

Ran froze. His eyes widened, his breath caught. Yohji felt him begin to tremble, the tremors noticeable both in the bicep Yohji was clamped onto, and in the hands that held Yohji’s shoulders as Ran had finished easing Yohji into a comfortable position. Ran’s lips parted and he whispered, “what?’ eyes moist, he blinked, licked his lips, and asked again, “What do you remember Yohji?”

 

“Everything Ran” Yohji rasped, throat tight, his own eyes stinging, “I remember everything Angel.”

 

Ran broke.

 

He collapsed to his knees beside the bed, hands fisted into the comforter next to Yohji’s leg, head bowed to the mattress, deep breaths wracking his frame as he fought for control.

 

Yohji leaned over, trailing his hand though Ran’s hair, the other, having been wrenched loose as Ran fell, dropped to Ran’s shoulder. “It’s ok Angel, I’m sorry. God Ran, I’m so sorry.” A hard sob rocked Ran’s body and the shaking grew harder, causing Yohji to look up at Jei in real fear. “Jei. Shit. What...what should I do?”

 

Jei stepped closer, closing his mouth that had dropped open as he’d witnessed the confession. He knelt down, strong arms lifting Ran. Then holding him up as he realized Ran’s legs would not support him. He went to ease Ran onto the bed beside Yohji, but that seemed to snap Ran from his daze, at least somewhat. “No!” Ran pulled back into Jei’s chest, “His leg, careful!”

 

“Ran” Jei said quietly, “It’s ok. We’re gonna be careful.” He looked meaningfully at Yohji, who carefully eased himself over to the other side of the bed. Jei turned Ran and eased him down on the mattress, then carefully rolled him until he was laying on the bed, on his side, facing Yohji. Ran had closed his eyes after his brief outburst, and was now obviously trying to gather some semblance of control.

 

Yohji mouthed to Jei, “thank you.” Jei nodded, took a deep breath, and reached across Ran to clasp Yohji’s hand. “I’m glad you’re back Yohji. So glad.” He said quietly. He stood, stepped back, and smiled. “I’m gonna make some coffee and put the lasagna in the oven. If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen, just holler. I’ll... I’ll stay for a bit, just in case.” He turned and left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

 

Yohji dropped his gaze to Ran, only to find a subdued Ran watching him with wide, hopeful eyes, still moist. “Ran” he whispered, and caressed Ran’s cheek. Yohji eased himself down until he was laying alongside Ran and gently turned to face him. “I’m sorry Babe, really”

 

Ran pushed up onto one elbow, easing Yohji back down onto his back. “God Yohji! Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. Sorry you were hurt, sorry for pushing, sorry for-“

 

Yohji cut him off, “stop, Ran. No.” He lay there a moment, looking up into those incredible, beautiful eyes. Now haunted, still wary, afraid, but hopeful. “God Ran, you’re just so beautiful.” He whispered, and raised his hand to again trace Ran’s cheek, down across his jaw. “I am sorry Ran. I can’t believe I didn’t remember, Angel. I would never hurt you Ran. You know that”

 

“It doesn’t matter Yohji” Ran was trembling again, lightly.

 

“It does Ran.” Yohji whispered, “but I will make it up to you.” he stared at Ran, “I remember Ran, and I will make you believe in me again.”

 

Hope and a look of hunger began to grow in Ran’s eyes, “Yohji” he whispered, “I have always believed in you, always Nissho.”

 

“Kiss me Ran” Yohji whispered, and before the last syllable faded he was full of the taste of Ran. Ran leaned over him, both arms framing his head, eyes burning bright as he leaned down and captured Yohji’s mouth, tongue wasting no time to breach his lips. A deep moan, ending in an almost sob, rocked Ran’s body as he crawled closer, holding Yohji tight, one hand fisted in his hair, the other wrapping tight about his shoulders to pull Yohji in. Ran wrenched back, and buried his face into the crook of Yohji’s neck and pant, breath catching as he repeated Yohji’s name again and again.

 

Yohji’s arms tightened around Ran’s back, holding on tight. “I’m here Ran. It’s me, I’m here. I love you.” Another almost sob shook Ran then, and Yohji realized that was the first time he’d said that for weeks now. “I love you Ran. I do. Always, I swear. I’m here Angel, not going anywhere Babe. Sorry, so sorry.”

His voice faded to a whisper as Ran calmed, until he lay there spent, taking deep breaths, hands fisted in Yohji’s shirt, as he got himself back together.

 

After a short time, he raised his head, eyes shining with love and happiness, “I love you Yohji, Nissho. So much. I missed you.” He lay back down, snuggling close, mindful of Yohji’s leg, and relaxed against Yohji’s chest. Settling into a comfortable, well loved, position. Head on Yohji’s shoulder, he sighed, content. “Hold me for a bit Yohji, then we’ll face things again.”

 

Yohji tightened his hold, inhaling the familiar, now, scent of Ran’s shampoo and lay back, looking at the skylight, imagining their stars overhead. “I will hold you Angel, and never let go, if I can get away with it.

 

He yawned, unexpectedly, “Damn, guess I’m still tired” he huffed, and Ran chuckled. “A nap then, then we’ll try some of Jei’s lasagna.”

 

“Mmm” Yohji hummed, “sounds good” as he yawned again, easing his hips just slightly, he felt Ran tense, just slightly. “what Ran? What are you thinking?”

 

Ran took a deep breath, then, quietly “Just a little..... worried I guess. That maybe, after sleeping, maybe you won’t remember again, when you wake up next time.” By the end, his voice was almost gone.

 

“No Ran. No. I remember everything, every single thing. I’m not going back into the fog, I promise, I feel it. Please, don’t worry. I promise.”

 

Ran nodded, but his hold tightened a little anyway, and Yohji deliberately held him tighter. Sleep now Babe, I know you’re bone tired. We’ll talk more when we get up and figure out everything. For now, I just want to hold you, feel you, here in my arms.”

 

Ran nodded again, and snuggled closer. After a short time, Yohji felt that soft little sigh he knew meant Ran had dropped off, and he lay there, arms full of a warm, soft Ran, and remembered...... until, finally, he too nodded off, thoughts full of this man in his arms.

 

Neither heard the soft sound of the door opening a while later when Jei looked in to tell them the lasagna was ready. He stood there a moment, chest tight as he thought over the last few days. The desperation he’d seen in Ran, the growing resignation and deadness. “Good thing you came back when you did Yohji.” Jei whispered, “wondered there for a bit if you’d have him still here when you finally woke up.” Jei stood there just a little longer, smiling at the two so meant for each other, before quietly leaving the room.

 

He put the lasagna on warm, and settled down on the sofa with the phone to bring a few worried friends up to date.

 

“He Schu” he said quietly a few moments later. “Yeah, I know it’s your honeymoon, but I thought you’d want this delayed wedding present now, rather than later” he grinned from ear to ear at the war whoop that almost burst his ear drum a few moments later when he broke the news, imagining the looks that got Schuldig as he jumped up and down on the deck of the cruise ship, red hair flying in the ocean breeze......

 


	37. Chapter 37

**CHAPTER 37 –**

**rebuilding**

Yohji woke rested, and for the first time in as long as he could remember, completely clear. He knew immediately where he was and who he held close against him. He inhaled deeply, savoring the fragrance of Ran – his familiar ( and oh how sweet it was that it WAS familiar) shampoo, a slight salty tang that still lingered in the air from Ran’s tears of the near hysteria from last night, and a very slight undertone of citrus from the all purpose cleaner Ran had used obsessively in readying the shower and other assistance equipment delivered for Yohji’s recovery.

Yohji let his mind wander over the last few weeks, then deliberately dug deeper into his now restored memories, memories of the time in the hospital – waking not knowing where OR WHEN he was..... then, he went further back: revisiting the wreck. He went over as much of the scenario as he could recall, dissecting what he could see in his mind’s eye. He knew he’d seen that car before.... somewhere.... He’d have to ask Schu or Jei about it.

He shook off the curiosity and let himself relive the bonding ceremony and the surge of love and warmth he’d felt standing there for Schu, but watching the other half of his soul standing there before him as the ceremony played out. ....

Inevitably he replayed the drive again, picturing what the cars behind him would have seen. Damn. Ran’s worst fears, realized as he watched, helpless to stop it. Ran had commented more than once about his worries about the bike since the move to LA and the horrendous traffic....

Yohji shuddered as he tried to imaging the horror Ran must have felt as he watched the collision, tried to envision himself watching RAN mangled right in front of him. Then, for him to wake up and not recognize Ran, to not KNOW him..... fuck.

Yohji unconsciously tightened his hold, shaking a bit. Just to imagine Ran’s feelings then..... Yohji took a calming breath, and then, feeling Ran stir slightly, forced himself to ease back on the vise-grip hold he’d wrapped around Ran. He mentally shook himself, forcing his thoughts to something lighter, something that didn’t hurt so much.

He purposely brought to mind the memory of Ran’s sparkling eyes and growling laughter at Christmas with the mistletoe hat and that dipped kiss.... Ran’s tearful, wistful smile as he went through the box of photos from Aya.... The soft sweet lovemaking of that night once they were alone at last. He lingered over that night, Ran arching into his touch, Ran calling his name, clutching at him desparately, Ran moaning, begging, Ran’s soft sleepy smile and trembling against Yohji’s body as he panted, sated and happy....

He lay there, letting the warmth of that memory soothe him, fill his body with tingling, and reached over to lightly stroke Ran’s beautiful, silky soft hair, twining an eartail gently through his fingers.

He let himself drift into other memories of their time together. The first sweet months, coaxing out a smile from Ran, so precious and rare then, dancing with Ran for the first time, Ran’s amazing strength and martial arts skills..... Ran’s wide eyed excitement over a chili dog of all things and visiting the boardwalk, Ran’s endearing shyness at giving him gifts...... Ran’s opening to him and exploring all the many layers that made up this exquisite man.

He deliberately pushed forward in his recollections, glossing over the terrible loss and pain of the months of the sham marriage and their separation, then the reunion, rebuilding of their lives together and the restoration of their warmth, their security in each other. Relearning each other, and their bodies.... again he dwelled on flashes of Ran’s passion, of Ran’s mouth and hands, of Ran hovering above him, head thrown back as he would lose himself inside Yohji..... then, lingering over images of Ran writhing under his hands, under him, watching him with those beautiful violet eyes as Yohji thrust above him, the look on Ran’s face when Yohji would enter him, possess him..... then when Ran would succumb to his desires and cum, calling out for Yohji....

God. He loved Ran so much. To think he’d almost lost this, and wouldn’t have even known what he’d missed.... and Ran would have .... gone, let him go, still somewhere deep inside convinced that in the end he didn’t really deserve Yohji.... a fear that would have been fed by what he would have believed to be fate giving Yohji a chance at life beyond Ran....

He sighed softly, and lightly caressed Ran’s face, almost, not quite touching, as he traced over those cheekbones, and down his neck, then back up over his ear, and behind, twirling his fingers again into Ran’s hair, playing again with an eartail. His little kitten.... Yohji chuckled softly as a sleepy Ran batted softly at the fingers twisted in his hair.

Ran woke, comfortable, warm, cocooned in the familiar feeling of Yohji holding him tight in the crook of one arm, while softly tickling the side of his neck with one of his own eartails. Without thought, Ran mumbled, “gonna cut ‘em off for sure Yohji, I swear.”

The warm chuckle and soft, “the fuck you will” penetrated his sleep-haze and Ran bolted upright, “Yohji!” eyes wide Ran took in the golden body lounged so relaxed beside him. A bit paler than normal, still a few bruises, splotches of livid purple or green here and there, and his leg wrapped in the steel and nylon brace. God.... he was so beautiful.

Then, Ran’s eyes raised to the sparkling, and above all, KNOWING, emerald eyes, full of love – for him - and the warm smile – Yohji’s smile, familiar, loving..... it took his breath away.

He stared a moment until Yohji raised his hand and touched Ran’s jaw. “I missed you Angel. I just didn’t know it. I’m sorry.” Yohji whispered.

Ran gasped and trapped Yohji’s hand against his face and drowned in those wonderful summer green eyes. “I love you Yohji.” He said solemnly, “So much. I missed you too.” he leaned down and kissed Yohji lightly, then deeper as Yohji surged up to kiss Ran fully, hungrily. Yohji’s hands came up to bracket Ran’s face, tongues tangled, twisting. Yohji sucked harder, suddenly starving for Ran’s taste, feel...

A groan rose unstoppable from deep in Ran’s chest, Yohji’s fingers fisting tightly into his hair. Ran’s breath came faster, as he kissed Yohji, drinking him in, determined not to break contact for as long as possible.... Yohji dropped a hand down from Ran’s hair to the back of his neck, pulling him closer, tighter in, then dropped down across Ran’s back, pulling their chests in closer against each other.

Ran responded with another, louder, deeper moan, “Yohji” Ran dropped from Yohji’s lips, to trail down his jaw and across his neck, to the join at the shoulder, “Yohji” Ran panted, one hand clutching Yohji’s bicep, the other clenched so tightly in the sheets the knuckles creaked. The creases of those knuckles bleached white as he shuddered and tightened his grip with a breathless cry of “Yohji” as Yohji leaned in to bite briefly at that special spot just under Ran’s jaw. “Ran” Yohji whispered, “yes Angel”

Without any conscious thought, Ran’s body began to rock lightly, pressing against Yohji’s leg, “Yohji” Ran whimpered, panted, “Yohji..t-touch me, _please Yohji.”_

“yes” Yohji growled, as his fingers were already reaching for the elastic waistband of Ran’s sweats, and he reached in confidently, quickly taking Ran in his sure grip. Ran’s head snapped back, neck taut, jaw clenched, as he hissed through his teeth, “nnnngh...ah!” Ran tensed, “Yohji...” he panted, “Yohji... wait.” Ran desparately tried to backpedal, amazed by just. how. close. he was to the edge at only Yohji’s touch. He was poised on the brink at just that first grip. “Yohji” he rasped, eyes screwed shut, his grip on Yohji’s bicep sure to leave a bruise

Yohji, taking in the beautiful sight before him, spoke finally as he _squeezed,_ and _pulled,_ at Ran’s cock. “Yes. Beautiful. Fuck yes. Cum for me Ran, yes... oh yes Angel”

And Ran did. Completely helpless to stop it, beyond any control, that tight, pulling, sure hand brought him fully over the cliff, floating on Yohji’s warm, confident voice calling him. His whole body spasmed as he thrust into that tight hold, hips thrusting forward with a stutter, fingers clenching, neck cords prominent. Ran’s scream tore through his clenched teeth, drawn from his very core....

Yohji kept a steady, tight pull through the spasms, until Ran’s hips began to move again, now with short, sharp stutters, tremors of aftershock from the soul wracking orgasm torn from him. Ran abruptly dropped, limp against Yohji’s chest, a sigh escaping aginst Yohji’s neck.

Yohji stopped pumping, now just lightly squeezing, milking those last few precious drops, then easing his grip on Ran’s softening shaft, and caressed the back of Ran’s neck.

After a moment, when Ran didn’t sit back up or speak, Yohji grew concerned, “Ran?” he asked quietly. “angel?”

Ran still didn’t respond and Yohji gently eased Ran over onto his back and leaned over him. Brushing Ran’s sweaty strands back from his face, Yohji leaned in, comforted by the steady heartbeat visible in Ran’s neck. Now slowed, but still almost pounding.... “Ran” Yohji called lightly, then leaned over and kissed against Ran’s neck.

Finally, Ran stirred. Eyes fluttering then opening, his half lidded gaze rose to Yohji’s and he smiled a soft smile. “mmmm” Ran blinked slowly, then took a deep breath and stretched, languid and cat-like. “I missed that Yohji”

Yohji chuckled, “yeah, I kinda guessed that”

Ran began to caress Yohji’s shoulders, then trailed down his sides, across his abs, ready and eager to return the favor. AS he cupped Yohji’s sac, and lightly fondled, his expression changed from sleepy heat to lightly puzzled, to almost worried.... unsure, as Yohji remained flaccid in his palm.

Yohji’s smile remained though. Warm, loving... his eyes closed in a long, slow blink, then opened, still shining with a soft smile. Finally Ran stopped, just gently cupping Yohji in his hand, feeling the heat. “Yohji?” he asked quietly.

Yohji traced Ran’s cheek. “It’s ok Babe. It’s the meds. That’s all. Dr. Brice said it might... be a while, before I’m back to myself again. Memories aside.” He smirked. “But don’t stop baby. Just because I can’t get hard, doesn’t mean I can’t _feel_ it, feel you.” He leaned back, eyes never leaving Ran’s.

Ran gently cupped Yohji in his palm, then raised up above him and leaned in to kiss Yohji, open mouthed, tongues caressing. He mapped Yohji’s body under his hands, relishing the freedom to enjoy touching his lover again.

He squeezed his eyes tightly for a moment, determined not to lose himself to melancholy again as the pain and loss of the last few weeks rose up inside him. Instead, he leaned down and deliberately began to mark Yohji. High on his neck, in such a way that anything short of a high turtle neck couldn’t hope to hide it. Yohji was finally his again, and by God, the world would know it.

Yohji moaned deliciously at the marking, and they enjoyed a drawn out session of necking and petting. Finally, Ran eased off and raised above Yohji again... “Well my Nissho, I suppose we should get a start on the day hmm? Your first therapy session is early this afternoon” he tilted his head, “I’d really like to have the first test out with the shower set up while Jei is still here....” he trailed off

“Yeah,” Yohji sighed, “I kinda thought that too....” he lightly slapped against Ran’s hip, “Though, I was looking forward to showering with you....” he leered, then grinned opening as Ran’s eyes widened.

“After Jei and I have it worked out for safety Yohji.” He mocked glared, then smiled and leaned in for another short kiss. “Alright lazy bones, let’s get this show moving then...” he pushed up and stood at the bedside drinking in the beautiful sight of his lovely Nissho.

He pulled the wheelchair in close by the bed and eased Yohji up into it. “let’s go see if Jei’s ready for this....”

Yohji crossed his arms before his chest and gave a nod, “onward driver, step on it”

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

End??

 

Maybe some day I will add more.... =)

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

I hope you've enjoyed this journey

I haven't written anything more than half baked scribbles for a long time, but recently have felt the stirrings of the muse again

I love this site SO much more than FF.net, so have transferred this, my first (and for a LONG time, only) story 

I have to go back and read thru it to get a feeling for where I left off, but I will add a few chapters to bring things to more of a resolution eventually

I have been bitten by the Supernatural bug, and right now my head is so full of Dean it's hard to think in Ran's or Yohji's mindset, but I'll get around to it someday

I have a Supernatural fic running now, give it a glance if you like

I'll be back here someday


End file.
